(Continued from Revenge and Redemption)

As the door shut behind Ty, Tses stood, letting her hands linger on the lock as she clicked the chain into place. The cold metal seemed so final, but at the same time, it was such a tiny chain of protection. She would be safe, she knew she would. But each time she shut this door, it seemed she knew that fact with less certainty. Without Ty here, it seemed she was once more vulnerable and alone.

Alone

Yes, she was once more alone.

Outside the window, darkness had settled, and she moved quietly over to her bed and took a seat. The fabric of the comforter was soft against the tips of her fingers, and from the door, the distant smell of food mingled with the scent of cats from the apartment next door. Her stomach ached from lack of food, but she didn't feel like eating. She didn't feel like moving. She was pressed into stillness by the impossible weight of her emotions, and it left her frozen and helpless.

After a day of running, her mind slowly stopped fighting, and a dark and painful loneliness took hold. Like a blanket of shadows melting through her mind, her fear tightened around her, and she curled up on her bed, tears prickling her eyes. It would be ok. Ty would come back, and she would be fine. But the fear in her mind forced that thought away.

Alone

Yes....she was oh so very alone.

She felt like a child, reaching out and clutching the stuffed animals on the bed against her chest. She stared at the light on the ceiling until the bright light pained her eyes, and looking away, it left little dark dots across her eyes. The dark spots seemed to travel through her head, drawing up memories from the well of her mind. The tide was rising in her thoughts, water swirling around her legs, becoming flames flickering and burning through her. She was paper, lacking any moisture then suddenly set aflame. The fear spread at an impossible rate, as she curled against it, unwillingly crying. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to be afraid. But the images played over and over in her mind. Metal walls closing around her, the suffocation and lack of air in her lungs; the helplessness. No matter how she struggled or fought, she could do nothing to protect herself.

She used to feel strong. Now... she just felt broken.

It'll be ok... we'll be ok. Ty will come back. We'll get through this. We strong enough." She told herself, and laid against the bed, sniffling away the last of her tears.

But Ty didn't come back.

Time moved slowly, and outside the window darkness grew even blacker. The noises of kittens next door grew louder as the nocturnal animals frolicked, and the scent of food vanished. The light on her ceiling was unchanging, but the darkness in her mind made everything seem dimmer. Exhausted, and desperate to try sleeping, Tses turned out the light, and returned to bed, dressed in her undershirt and shorts, the tank top leaving her shoulders and arms revealed. Using her green moonlight to guide her around the dark apartment, she paused in the mirror, and watched the little tendrils of light lick her scars the way a cat would bathe its own paw. The uneven texture of her skin felt like surface wounds compared to what was going on in her mind. But she promised herself she'd be ok. She had to be.

Laying back down, sleep turned into nightmares that brought her screaming back awake. The clock hardly moved on the wall. Terrified and confused, Tses gathered her blankets and crawled under the low bed. Pressing her back into the wall, and wrapping the cocoon of blankets around her, she clung to the stuffed tiger and pillows, trying to stay calm. Ty would come back. He promised he would. He wouldn't break that promise.

But still, he didn't return.

Night vanished into day, and Tses was drowning, sinking within herself. There was no where to run from the demons in her head. They took hold and squeezed tighter and tighter around her. The green energy she sought for comfort kept her awake, but she couldn't sit there in the dark. She was terrified of small spaces, yet she cowered in one, trying to create some form of contact, some feeling of comfort. The blankets made it terribly warm even in the tank top, but the cold just reminded her of that place, that place she couldn't escape.

She didn't feel the sun rise. She didn't feel the day start, and she couldn't feel time any longer. The longer she laid there, the less she felt. All she knew was fear, and the dark hands of solitude finally laid her into an exhausted sleep.

Ty's cheek stung, and his heart had been ripped in two. Now he knew what it felt like to truly fail someone. Ms. Jenkins had gotten ill because he abandoned her, now she and her family hated his guts. Those harsh words bounced around in his head. He was a failure.

The sun was high in the sky, and it was at least noon by now. He'd told Tses he'd be back soon....but he guessed that was just another way he failed.

Before he knew it, he'd reached Tses's apartment, and stood outside 66. Pulling the key out of his pocket, he unlocked the door, knocking his usual rhythm on the door, albeit it was off a little bit. Then he pushed the door open, only to be caught by the chain. Sighing, he worked that loose, making his way inside and looking around. The covers weren't on the bed....and neither was Tses.

At first he panicked, then he saw a corner of a blanket sticking out from under the bed. "Tses?" he asked, crawling under and inspecting the cocoon of blankets. Yep....it was her.

"Move over...." he mumbled, pulling the blankets aside awkwardly, given the limited space, then wedged himself in between her and the blankets, so the both of them were engulfed in them. He snuggled her tight, not caring about any consequences.

"So....Chloe forgave me...." he started. "But I went to see an old friend too and..." He couldn't finish the sentence for sobbing, but it was very obvious what happened.

"Tses? Am I a letdown?"

Tses heard a distant knock awakening her, and she recognized the rhythm, but found it hard to believe. In her dreams, there was nothing but emptiness and silence. But awake, she could hear the noise of the door open slowly, the chain moving, then finally footsteps coming inside. The sound of her name from Ty's voice flickered through her heart, and a little drizzle of hope leaked through her dark thoughts. Still clinging to the stuffed animals, she watched as the figure of the boy made it's way under the bed, and invaded her cocoon of comfort.

But it was a welcomed invasion.

At first, she listened quietly as he talked. She didn't move, didn't push him aside but didn't get closer. But when he finished, she wrapped her arms around him in a crushingly tight hug, trying hard not to cry as well. His question floated in the air, and it took her mind a short while to understand it. Letting go of him a little and curling so she was in his arms instead, she shook her head slowly, and pulled the blankets closer around her. Her bare arm touched his and sent a tingle through her spine. "You came back... as long as you come back, you aren't a letdown." She said quietly, and looked up at him, small frame trembling slightly. She shut her eyes and tried to breathe evenly, but she didn't feel like she was functioning. She felt so scared and so distant. She curled closer to him, as if to verify someone was there.

Ty grunted at the force of the hug, but he didn't fight it, he just held her close, maybe a little tight as well, though he didn't notice or care. Their bare arms touching sent a chill up his spine, and he nuzzled his girlfriend, feeling better already.

"I wish everyone had your logic," he murmured, kissing her cheek through the tears. It may have been simiple, maybe even childish, but to him, it made sense. And it was comforting.

"You came back... as long as you come back, you aren't a letdown."

That was like music to his ears, and it made him hug her a little more, closing his eyes.

"I'd told you I stayed with an old lady for awhile? Well...I went to see her, and...she got sick without me. Her granddaughter was there with her, and both of them yelled at me....told me to get out, and the other girl slapped me...I never felt like more of a jackass in my life..." he croaked, voice barely a whisper.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Tses resisted Ty's affection. She was afraid of it, especially after he hurt her the way he did. But she didn't know how to balance that fear with the one that had such a strong hold on her heart now. She couldn't push him away right now, because she needed him there. He proved she wasn't alone, and that she didn't have to be. When he left, she was a mess. She fought with people she never should have fought with, said things she never should have said. She shoved the world away, angry and bitter, but in the end, all she wanted was someone to be there. Every time she snarled and ran away, she just kept hoping and wishing for someone to follow after. But no one ever did.

Now, she wouldn't make the mistake of running, or pushing him away. She would deal with the future as it came, and if they had a cute moment... well, it wouldn't ruin her forever. At least, that's what she told herself. So she settled into his arms, and didn't resist the hug. She just sat and listened, for once being the girlfriend he needed.

"It hurts when people leave... and sometimes, it's hard to recover. You left, it was a mistake, and you tried to fix it. I'm not great with advice, but usually leaving stuff in the past where it belongs helps make the future easier to handle." Tses said quietly. She couldn't stop shaking even as she talked, and opened her eyes to look at him for a moment, then away. She didn't want to know what he'd see in them. She felt like the darkness and the fear would be undeniable in her dilated pupils. Her pulse was still racing abnormally, and she was trying to be calm for him. But she reached out for his hand and held onto it like it was a lifeline in an ocean she was slowly drowning in.

Ty snuggled her, acknowledging her as she spoke and trying to lose himself in the warmth of the blankets and her embrace. Knowing how he'd hurt those who loved him cut him deep, hurt him more inside than one could ever imagine. Tses may have been trembling, but Ty could hardly tell from his own shaking.

When he looked into her eyes, he saw the fear that had overtaken her. It hurts when people leave... and sometimes, it's hard to recover....

"Tses....? Is that what I did to you? You're like this because I left you, aren't you?" He began shaking more, trying to calm down, but he couldn't. "I'm a horrible boyfriend. I'm a horrible person...I don't deserve you..."

Tses physically looked away from Ty's question, as if it was something she could avoid if she wasn't facing him. But whether or not they had eye contact, the question still registered in her mind. Like an unwelcome animal in curled around her, bringing the sadness his voice held. She didn't like this conversation. She didn't like the sadness or the fear, and that was all she could feel. Tears rolled down her face, and she blinked hard to try and make them disappear, her mouth a tight line trying to keep all her emotions inside.

"I just.... I felt lost when you were gone. I trusted you. I was angry. I felt alone, and I felt so abandoned. then I was locked up and caged like an animal and..." Her voice broke and she looked down, curling up as if she could block the negative feelings that were coming from inside her. There was no defense from herself. But she had to try and be strong. She hated making Ty hurt more. It was like her pain was an infection, spreading to him. She didn't want that. She didn't want that at all. "I never deserved you in the first place. So, loosing you just felt like the eventual conclusion to a strange and pleasant dream.... Reality had to come back. Some people get happy endings. Just not people like me." She said, leaning her head against his shoulder as the tears settled against the comforter.

"I picked a fight with a couple mutants a while back. One of them could change into a dinosaur, the other was this half-tiger person. And out of all of us, I was the one closest to being a monster. I don't deserve happiness anyway. So feeling sad.... just seems fitting." She said quietly.

"I know, Tses. It was a horrible, selfish thing to do. And I hurt you." He held her close as she cried, listening to her talk. "I can't apologize enough. But I know the only thing that will fix it is for me not to do you like that again."

When she spoke of not deserving him, it sort of snapped him out of his depressed state. "You know what...I shouldn't be dumping this on you. You forgave me. Butterfly forgave me. It's not your fault someone else decided to hold a grudge. Besides....who really deserves love? Especially like we share in times like this? Sure, it's rocky, but we'd do anything for each other. Maybe we shouldn't focus on whether or not we deserve it, and just enjoy the gift that we are to each other." He snuggled her lightly, starting to relax a little.

"So...should we come out from under the bed now?" he asked with a small chuckle.

Tses flinched slightly as he held her close, then slowly relaxed. She wished she were like him, and able to just be that perfectly content with the positive side of things. But she felt like there was a battle going on in her mind. His touch made her split two different directions: one fell into a contented peace, the other pulled away in fear. She was afraid of being hurt, and afraid of being alone. She wanted to enjoy being with him. But his affections were something she always had trouble allowing.

But she didn't have to think about that right now. His question brought her attention, and she slowly gave a nod. Without saying anything, she gathered her stuffed animal collection and the blankets, and wiggled her way out from under the bed. Then she piled onto the top of it, burrowing back into the covers. It wasn't dark out now, but she was exhausted and hungry. She hadn't eaten anything in a few days, and it made her feel drained and dizzy. In the light she looked pale, and the stress mixed with the lack of nutrition was taking a tole on her. She curled up, suddenly aware of how hungry she felt. "I don't think I've eaten since before.... it's been a few days..." She murmured suddenly, looking at the kitchen wistfully. It seemed so far away right now, and she didn't want to even try standing anymore. With her adrenaline rush gone, she was drained of all energy.

Ty noticed her flinch, even if it was slight, and it hurt now more than it ever did. And after what he did to her, he'd probably never get her to completely come around to his emotional side. But hey, maybe that was what he deserved. If they never did become a normal couple...it was all his fault. He crawled out from under the bed, and when she mentioned being hungry, he realized it'd been awhile since he'd eaten too.

Nodding slowly, he made his way into the kitchen and started rummaging through her fridge, trying to rid his mind of the thoughts and the pain he still felt. In moments, the redhead returned with four grilled cheese sandwiches, two for each of them, and he set a plate next to her on the bed before sitting on the other end of the bed with his plate on his lap.

"Tses? Are we..." he sighed. "Are we ever gonna be a normal couple? Or did I completely ruin that too?" he whispered, threatening to cry again.

Tses watched as Ty made his way to the fridge, and from her spot on the bed she couldn't see much of what he was doing. Not that she would really understand it anyway. She couldn't cook, and hardly knew what half the appliances were. Heck, just like the dumb coffee pot. She sat in silence, staring at the comforter, and taking in the little threads that made up the fabric, noticing tiny details and trying to use them to fight off her fear. He returned before she slipped too far back inside herself, and wiggled her arms loose of the comforter as she took the food. His question made her think, and she poked the sandwich for a second before sighing.

"I don't know Ty.... But that's not because of you. I just... I don't know how to have a normal relationship. I don't know how to just let go. I always feel afraid. I always feel worried, and I just... " She sighed and let the words hang in the air, then started quietly eating the food. It filled the ache in her stomach, but her mind and heart were another matter completely.

Ty leaned backwards so that his back was against her as he ate. It was the best way he knew to snuggle and eat at the same time. "I wish I could teach you or something," he murmured, for the first time actually eating slowly. But this was so he could better think.

"The only thing I can tell you is just...do it. Pretend that instead of being intimate, kissing or whatever, that it's just another dangerous and stupid stunt. Like when we stole that car last night, or our goodbye. Or throwing explosives from a rooftop. You don't know what'll happen, but I won't either." He sighed contentedly.

"You know you're my first actual girlfriend, right? So....this relationship could be just another crazy adventure for us crazy kids. And...this one in general likely won't get us in trouble." he chuckled lightly, finishing his first sandwich.

Tses blushed slightly, but chewed on her sandwich thoughtfully, and tried to imagine what he was saying. In a way, it made sense. When she got brave and kissed him, she felt a racing in her veins. It wasn't quite adrenaline, but it was similar. Just, sweeter. It was tingling and pleasant, and it made her happy. With her arms bare, and the cold air touching them, she already felt a little braver, and a little more comfortable with him. He was the only one she felt really accepted her for who she was, the good and the bad. She just wanted to show she cared instead of just running from him all the time.

"I guess that's a way of thinking about it." She said slowly, finishing off her sandwich and picking up the other one, looking at the bread and thinking. "I just don't get why I have to be scared around people and brave with everything else." She sighed.

"Yeah, but see...that kind...it's always just us and this apartment, or a rooftop, heck or even a stolen car," he smiled, biting his second sandwich. "I mean, I'm not in this for the physical; I love being with you in general. We tend to have alot of fun together. But the other is nice.

Ty nestled against her a bit, his shoulder blades resting against her. "I think it's because you're used to the other, the danger of it. But people...well you've said yourself I'm one of few who wouldn't intentionally hurt you. I love you for who you are. But you haven't known that before me, so you don't know how to act?" he guessed, shrugging lightly.

"I noticed though, as with everything...the more you think about something that makes you nervous or scares you...the harder it is. The trick is just not to think about it. and to trust me. You know, like that time you had me jump off a building. I was scared, but I knew with everything in me that you wouldn't let anything bad happen to me."

Tses listened to his words, and tried to process them as she ate. She didn't speak, but it was more out of respect than anything else. She cared what he thought, and it mattered to her what he said. She just wished it were as simple as he was suggesting. Trusting... trusting was a hard word for her. He trusted her to jump off a building, but she could hardly trust him with a kiss. For some reason though, the second seemed more terrifying. It was such a simple action, but it took all of her courage.

"I want to trust you. And sometimes I do. Then sometimes it's harder for me to do it... I hate that. I care about you, and you mean a lot to me... I just wish I was as good at 'jumping' as you were." She said softly. She finished her sandwich and put her plate to the side. Sighing, she turned slightly to face him more.