Just…stop?

Tarin flinched at the rush of words from Lee as she explained that SUPER was different here and that the Registration Act was a long time ago. Lee was looking up at him like she’d figure out some piece of the puzzle. She always wanted to find a solution, she seemed like that kind of person.

Again, Tarin couldn’t help but think that he’d been doing exactly what Lee was suggesting he try and multiple people had ended up dead at his hands. Still, she looked so hopeful and so relieved that she’d figured out what was going on with him that he just smiled and shook his head.

“It’s that easy huh? I wish I’d had you to point it out sooner.”

“Oh yeah? Then prove me wrong.”

“Maybe I will.”

The view still stretched for miles and the sun was still shining after all. If Tarin looked hard enough, he could see Central Park. He knew where the shop was from aerial maps online. It was weird to know where your house was from this height.

It was still busier than he’d have liked, but as Lee had pointed out, they had hours before they’d be kicked out.

“Did your friend frequent anywhere up here in particular? Did she have a name?”

“Easy?” Lee asked, then shook her head although she still had a small smile on her face. “Probably not. Good thing I’m around, isn’t it?” Was she being over confident in her ability to get him to relax? Maybe. Did he need to? Yes.

Then Tarin said that maybe he would prove her wrong about his emotional intelligence. Almost immediately after he had said that his wasn’t that great. She just raised her eyebrow a little higher but didn’t say anything. If proving her wrong in this came with him relaxing and not worrying so much about the possibility of standing out, Lee really hoped that he would.

“Did your friend frequent anywhere up here in particular? Did she have a name?”

“I’m not sure about where she frequents, but anytime he’d make her visible, he’d do it over here,” Lee said, then stepped away from the wall, leading Tarin further away from the crowd and into a sort of corner on the observation deck. But Tarin was now asking if this spirit had a name. “Oh, um,” she said over her shoulder as she walked. “If I was actually told her name, I’ve forgotten. I first met her more than 15 years ago and I haven’t actually seen her very many times.”

Tarin was starting to think that Lee intended to hang around him for longer than just today. There were so many reasons why that was a terrible idea, but Tarin just didn’t have it in him to tell her any of them. Just like he hadn’t been able to let her go earlier today when she’d actually been ready to leave him alone in the shop this morning. Maybe he was wrong for pulling her into this, and maybe he was abominably weird for thinking this way, but it felt so good to have someone around who understood him…even a little bit. Even if that little bit of understanding came from the loss of a man who, by all accounts, had been way better at this whole thing than he would ever be.

Good thing she was going to be around, indeed.

They were talking about the spirit in earnest now, and Tarin followed Lee as she led him around to a side of the observation deck that didn’t have quite as nice a view, and was therefore much less crowded. That suited Tarin just fine, despite Lee’s assurances that he didn’t need to try so hard to blend in, he didn’t necessarily want an audience.

Eyes scanning the area, Tarin stopped when he noticed a young woman who looked like she’d walked right out of a 1920’s era movie. She wasn’t the flapper type, but the style was still there. The woman stood by the gate on the observation deck staring out at the city like it was brand new even though by this point Tarin knew she had to have been seeing that same view for over a hundred years.

“Hello.” he said gently, walking up slowly so as not to scare the spirit. Sometimes they were shy. “I was told that you might like to meet me…” he said as she turned. Her eyes were sad, but very pretty, and she smiled slightly as she said, “I know who you are.”

Tarin felt the link slip into place between them and he slowly fed energy down it for the first time since Friday night. The spirit became more solid, if a bit fuzzy around the edges and Tarin’s eyes clouded slightly. “Lee, is this the friend you’ve told me so much about?”

As they moved into the area where she had seen the spirit appear in the past, Lee saw Tarin scanning the area, looking around. Then his eyes stopped on an area that to her appeared to be empty. He must have found her.

That thought was confirmed a couple moments later as he spoke, slowly walking toward the empty place on the observation deck. Lee followed a couple steps back. It was up to Tarin at this point; she’d led him to the spirit, but he was the one who could communicate with her, he was the one who would have to give her energy if Lee was going to be able to see her.

Slowly, Lee saw the air in front of them…there really wasn’t a way that she could explain how it was happening at that moment other than the air was solidifying. Even though it had been years since she’d been here like this and the fact that her image was fuzzy, Lee recognized her. And a moment later, Tarin turned his head to look at her, asking if this was the spirit she’d been talking about, his eyes a cloudy white rather than his normal green.

“This is her,” Lee confirmed with a nod before turning to look at the spirit. “It’s nice to see you again. It’s been a rough weekend, and I thought it would be good to introduce him to a friendly face.” Maybe friendly was a little bit of a stretch with how melancholy she was, but she was far better than any other spirit she had even heard about. And she had helped the Tarin she had known on a number of occasions, maybe she’d be able to do that again. “And I thought it’d be good to let you know that the shop has continued to be used and open.”

“I have seen that,” the spirit said before her eyes turned back to Tarin. “I’ve seen him there.”

Lee made formal introductions and Tarin took the opportunity to study the spirit more, both through the mental link and visually. She was solid now and excepting her clothes a passerby would have been hard pressed to tell that the woman was anything but another visitor there to enjoy the view.

Tarin knew better though, thanks to the link he also knew why she was up here. Some of it at least.

She’d seen him at the shop, huh? This spirit had never approached Tarin for help, but if what Lee said was true and the spirit was somehow more…relaxed than normal he supposed it made sense.

“He also feels the same. Through this…” the spirit said, somehow tugging a bit on the link between the two of them.

“Your husband isn’t here anymore.” The spirit said, pretty face thoughtful. “He had been coming to see me a lot, but then he just stopped.”

“There was an interdimensional rift.” Tarin said, deciding it couldn’t really hurt to kill two birds with a proverbial stone.

“You haven’t seen him on your side, have you?”

The spirit was already shaking her head. “Because of what had happened the last time he left his body, I went looking.”

Tarin’s eyes widened slightly, the last time this Tarin had left his body? Was there more he didn’t know?

It seemed that the spirit was done with Tarin though and she made her way over to Lee.

“He talked about you often. You and your son. He understood why you’d left. He knew it wasn’t safe. He also couldn’t just leave, this was the only place he had ever felt like he could do good. It was a source of immense personal conflict.”

Tarin didn’t say a word. Not a single one. Somehow he got the feeling that Lee was getting a bit more than she bargained for with this one. He was also a bit stunned at how…Lucid this spirit was. It…she seemed aware of her surroundings in a way that was so unusual in the spirit world.

Still. It seemed like it would be rude to interrupt.

Lee was surprised at just how solid the spirit in front of her now looked. She had never seen a spirit look this solid, this alive before, and Lee cast a glance over at Tarin in surprise at that.

Her eyes didn’t stay there long, though, as the spirit started speaking.

She had known that her ex-husband had disappeared? Lee shook her head that no, he wasn't here anymore, but didn’t bother correcting the spirit on that, what was the point in arguing with a woman who had been dead for over a hundred years? Especially since Lee knew that emotions and feelings went through the link, too; love had never been the problem, it was everything else.

And he’d been coming to see her a lot before he went missing? Lee hadn’t thought about that before, but in a lot of ways it made quite a bit of sense.

Tarin was now asking the woman if she had seen him, seen him on her side.Her answer was quick and…She’d gone looking for him? Because of the last time…Though he had explained to her what he had done when he’d been out of his body, that month his body had laid in what they thought was a coma in the mansion infirmary, Lee had forgotten that he had come here, asking this woman for help to get back in.

“Thank you for that,” she said softly, giving the spirit woman a tight smile. That was so much more than she could have hoped for, that the spirit had gone off on her own to do that. Maybe she had been wrong thinking that it had been a stretch to think that this woman was actually friendly; that sounded like something a friend would do.

That wasn’t all that the woman had to say and as she continued, Lee felt tears welling up in her eyes. For him to speak about Kevin that much, after they had left for Toronto, made sense. But he’d talked about her that much as well? Lee blinked furiously to try and get rid of the tears in her eyes, so they wouldn’t spill over.

“He also couldn’t just leave, this was the only place he had ever felt like he could do good. It was a source of immense personal conflict.”

Lee nodded hearing this. Then laughed slightly, a few tears still in her eyes. “He would have felt that way, wouldn’t he?” she asked, giving the woman another tight lipped smile. “Thank you for telling me. And thank you for being there for him all those years.”

“It wasn’t always as altruistic as you’re making it sound.” The spirit said to Lee, shrugging her elegant shoulders, “This..” she said, gesturing down to her body, “Makes it so much easier to stay me…to not get lost in the memories. It feels good to be able to feel.”

Tarin was utterly fascinated. It made sense when he thought about it though, being solid, corporeal…it would help with the lucidity. It suddenly made a bit more sense why the spirits were so hungry for that mental link and connection.

The conversation continued, and Tarin couldn’t help but feel for Lee as the emotions became clear on her face. He almost felt like an interloper into something very private and did his best to stay out of things.

“I’ve watched the city from up here for a long time.” The spirit said, “Oh, I check in on the shop, and I’ve spent time looking for Cullen, but everything seems so much more clear up here. I think it was the same way for him. Sometimes you need to see things from far away to actually understand them.” Interesting that she never called the other Tarin by name.

“In my world, the clockmaker’s shop flourished…” he said, “The original owner and his wife passed it down to their children who passed it down to theirs.” Tarin didn’t know why he was saying it, or even if the words were the right ones to say. Spirits could be mercurial and it was hard to tell what would upset them and what would make them happy. “They had just given up the storefront a few years prior to me coming here…but they were still making clocks and had a sweet little family.” he’d met them when he’d signed the leasing paperwork.

The spirit stared at him for a few moments, mild surprise coloring the pretty features, then a slow smile, “Thank you. It’s good to know that somewhere love was enough to get us through.”

The spirit studied Tarin then, both with her eyes and through the bond. It wasn’t exactly like she was rifling through his thoughts, but he knew based on what he saw from his end that she was getting an idea of who and what he was.

“You’re very different…but also very similar.” she said, tilting her head slightly, “He always led with his heart. I think you’re a bit different. “ The smile faded from her face though, “Don’t do what you’re supposed to do though…It doesn’t always work out the way you think it’s going to work out.”

Tarin nodded and the spirit sighed and returned to gazing out over the city, much more morose now than she had been a few moments before.

It wasn’t the strangest thing that Tarin had experience in the last 48 hours, but it definitely was interesting.

That explained a fair bit, both about the spirit and the Tarin she had known. Even before she had met him, Lee thought he had come up here periodically, after that first night in the city.

“I can understand that,” Lee said softly. “About feeling, having a connection…” it wasn't, couldn't be to the same degree but Lee had spent so many of her early years avoiding physical contact that once she realized what she was missing, it was hard to think about. Even after the Camps, despite the conditioning she had received from the collar and her not wanting to touch people, it was hard. Now, after all these years and everything she had been through, to suddenly not have contact, to not feel people again… “Still, I appreciate it. And everything you’ve done for him over the years.”

But then Tarin was speaking, telling the spirit about the shopfront in his world. Lee couldn’t help the small smile from forming on her face. She’d known that the spirit was happy that the shop was open again here after having been closed for so many years.

At this point it was quiet between the three of them, and Lee could see the spirit looking closely at Tarin, examining him. When the spirit spoke, Lee knew exactly what she was saying. The men who shared a name and a power were so very similar, Lee could read Tarin’s facial expressions and body language almost as well as a decade ago when she and this world’s Tarin had been married. Even though they had really only known each other about a day, due to the time Tarin had spent unconscious. And yet, there were so many differences between the two men that it was shocking with how similar they seemed.

But when the spirit that last thing, Lee straightened up, eyes darting between her and the spirit. ”Wait, what do you mean by that?” Lee asked, confused and concerned. But the spirit had already turned away and was looking over the city again. The last time that Lee had seen her, it hadn’t been long from that point before the woman was walking off the edge of the building.

So Lee turned to Tarin, both to avoid seeing that again and to try and get an answer. “What did she mean? What do you think it is that you’re ‘supposed’ to do?”

Tarin could feel just how morose the spirit was getting and he walked up next to her to look out at the city. Slowly and carefully he started pulling back from the link. He had a feeling that he knew what was coming and it explained why this spirit spent most of her time up here. They tended to be tied to the places that they died.

The link was almost completely severed now and the spirit looked over at him, smiling sadly before she climbed up onto the ledge and stepped over like there wasn’t a huge fence blocking the way. No hesitation whatsoever.

Nobody would have seen it happen. Well, nobody but him.

Chances were, the spirit would be back soon enough. For now though, Tarin just looked out over the city.

Lee had said something, he stood for a second trying to remember what it had been.

“Don’t worry about it.” he said finally, figuring she’d be able to hear.

Neither of them had answered her. Instead, Tarin had walked over to beside the spirit and was just standing looking out over the city. As the form of the woman grew fainter. Well, that was a blessing at least. She really hadn’t wanted to watch her step off the ledge again as easily as though she was walking down the sidewalk.

That had been what had freaked Lee out the first time she was up here.

And while Lee had seen and done a hell of a lot since that afternoon, she did not think it would have changed her reaction.

Which left just Tarin standing in front of her. Crossing her arms across her chest, Lee looked at him with a raised eyebrow, waiting for him to turn around. Except that he didn’t.

She was already walking up to him, arms still crossed, when she finally heard him. “If it’s serious enough for a spirit to tell you not to do it, I’m going to worry about it, Tarin,” she said as she came to a stop beside him, facing him.

Yep. She’d heard him. Nope, she wasn’t going to let it go.

Tarin sighed, letting his forehead drop against the fence. He could see Lee in all her crossed arm glory out of the corner of his eye.

“Have you ever had something in your head for so long…had it so deeply embedded there that you just don’t know what else to do?” he said.

He desperately did not want to have this conversation right now.

“I was taught, very explicitly, for a vast majority of my life that if you became a danger to the people around you. If you started doing things you couldn’t control, you put an absolute and immediate stop to it. To you.”

Tarin thought for a long few moments as he looked out over the city. “No single person’s life was ever worth the lives of all the others around them.” It was an old philosophical problem. How much value should be assigned to a single soul? Tarin felt like he was in a better place than most to answer that question, but he still didn’t have any idea.

“I’m not going to do anything.” he said softly, “I told you that last night, but when I’m quiet or when I start thinking too much about everything that’s happened it all starts to creep back in.”

He turned, so he was more fully facing Lee, contemplative but not overly intense.

“How do I decide that I’m worth more than the people around me? What would have happened if you hadn’t been able to pin me down the other night after the chair? It’s hard not to think about it that way when you know that there’s a solution, even if it doesn’t mean nice things for yourself.”

As Tarin started speaking, Lee bit her lip. Had she had something in her head like that? Maybe not to the same extent that Tarin did, but she had.

Slowly, her arms came uncrossed as Tarin continued speaking. And when she heard him say that he wasn’t going to do anything, she audibly sighed in relief. “Good,” she whispered. Then she smiled over at him. “But if you need me to beat any thoughts into submission, I can do that too.”

The conversation was getting heavy now, much heavier than Lee had thought it would be. But at least Tarin was looking at her now, not leaning against the fence that was put up after the woman had walked herself over the edge. “Maybe your life is not worth more than anyone else’s,” Lee said thoughtfully after a few moments. “But that doesn’t mean that your life is worth less than anyone else’s, either. Think of it another way; if someone drives drunk and gets into a crash, killing someone, does that mean that they should get out of the car and kill themself because they lost control? And don’t try to claim that’s different, because that person could easily go and do the same thing the next day, next week, next year. Still a potential danger, so should they put a stop to that risk?”

Lee stopped talking for a few moments to let what she’d said sink in. “And I do know. About those deeply buried beliefs,” Lee then continued, her voice soft. “Maybe not as deep and final as yours, but I do. I didn’t think it was possible for me to have any kind of real relationship. I’m talking about not even friendship. I didn’t think anyone would ever want to be around me long enough to actually become friends, because of the energy I would drain from them. Nevermind someone actually want to touch me.

“It can be hard, I admit, but you can get past them, and eventually stop thinking about them.”

Tarin listened, he really did. He listened and understood the logic behind what Lee was saying to him. Some of it landed, some of it didn’t.

Lee had had similar experiences to what Tarin was describing, if maybe not as extreme. Because of what had happened to her as a kid, she’d thought that any kind of human contact was impossible.

For just a moment, Tarin tried to put himself in Lee’s shoes, to need to be around people every day simply to survive, but to feel like you couldn’t actually be connected with any of them.

It was daunting. Lee had made it through though. She’d spoken about people who could only be friends, she’d been married, had a child. She’d clearly worked through her demons. Some of them, at least. Of course it helped that Lee was…Lee. She’d gone infinitely out of her way to help his sad case and he’d already heard enough stories to know that he wasn’t the only one.

Incredible times made incredible people, if they didn’t break.

“I hear you.” he said, not sure what else really made sense. “I hear you.”

Maybe…just maybe he deserved a second chance.