When she mentioned about cutting her hours back, Lee could see the slight wince, the ‘oh crap I shouldn’t have said that’ look. It was so minute that Lee wasn’t sure anyone else would have even noticed, but for her, it was so familiar; she’d seen that exact look so many times over the years.

“Well, I mean I’ve told Kevin that his father got stuck on the other side when the rift closed,” she explained, her voice just loud enough that Tarin would be able to hear her. “And I hope that’s what happened to him. But since Rupert disappeared then too…Well, I’ve worried over the years that maybe the damn hypocrite finally pulled the trigger.”

When Tarin continued, Lee actually laughed. “Really? Because I couldn’t imagine myself doing either of those things until after I had started doing them,” Lee explained. “Plus, bars are an easily accessible source of energy.”

Realizing that Lee must have caught his discomfort at the turn the conversation had taken, Tarin nodded, “I assumed you would.” he admitted candidly, “I just felt bad for bringing it up. It’s clearly still difficult.”

Closer and closer they got to that elevator and the warmer and warmer Tarin was starting to get as he watched people filing inside. Casually, he removed his hoodie and slung it over his arm. Only a few more carloads and it would be their turn. Lee pointed out some uncertainty relating to what had happened to this side’s Tarin and the other side’s Tarin felt his eyebrows rise. More and more interesting developments.

“Do you want me to…ask around?” he said, softly. The offer felt a little bit like walking over his own grave, but it was honestly the least he could do. “It would probably only take a few minutes…”

They were probably going to be in the next group, Tarin realized.

Lee pointed out that in her estimation the bar made more sense. “I guess that would be the case for pretty much anyone who regularly does extraordinary things, but the people who have been on the other end of their heroics probably always see things differently.”

Of course it was difficult, Lee thought. It had been difficult when she and Kevin were in Toronto. It was difficult when they came back to New York. It was awkward when she had been with Blaine. It had been hard when Tarin disappeared. And even harder when she realized that Rupert had disappeared as well.

“Yeah…There’s many, I guess you could call them interesting, stories about that man,” she said with a shake of her head. But then he was asking if she wanted him to ‘ask around’. Did she want that, Lee wondered for a moment. It didn’t take her long to realize that no, she did not really want him to ask around, but that it would be better to know a bit more certainly than to wonder for the rest of her life. “If you could. There’s no rush, though. Whenever you’re ready.”

Then Tarin continued speaking, and all Lee could do for a moment was shake her head. “I think you’re seriously overestimating me, what I’ve done,” she said. Yes, her speed and strength were extraordinary, when she had energy, but all mutants were extraordinary in one way or another. But heroics? Hardly.

It was finally their turn, and Lee walked forward and into the elevator. At least once they got to the top, they’d have a bit more privacy to talk.

Lee agreed that she’d like Tarin to check around the spirit world and see if he could shed any light on what had happened to the Tarin from this side. She said there was no rush, but he shrugged his shoulders. It wasn’t like it was a big deal. Even if it was, she’d done a lot for him over the last few days. “It’s not a problem at all.” he said.

Overestimating her? Lee thought he was overestimating her? As good as she seemed to be at reading him, Tarin figured she could tell what he thought from the look on his face well enough that he didn’t need to say anything.

Then it was their turn.

He’d been wrong before and they’d ended up some of the first to file into the elevator car and as more and more people filtered in, Tarin wondered if there was any chance of getting off without drawing a wildly inappropriate amount of attention.

Despite the fact that he’d shed his hoodie, the air inside the elevator was stifling and seemed to get thicker the more people crammed their way in. What was the capacity for these things anyway? The press of all these people, the smell of all the combined shampoos, lotions, perfumes, and the building feeling that there was simply no way out of here got overwhelming about the time the doors started to shut.

Tarin gulped down a breath of air, trying to steady his nerves and finding it nearly impossible to do so.

On impulse, and almost completely out of character, he found himself reaching for Lee’s hand, eyes seeking hers out with a silent plea. Maybe she could save him one more time this weekend.

He had no problem asking around to find out if there was any information about what had happened to the Tarin of this world, her ex. “Thank you,” she said sincerely, giving him a smile.

Tarin didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t have to. His face said it all, telling her that he thought she was being ridiculous and vastly underestimating herself. Lee didn’t say anything, she simply shook her head as they made their way into the elevator.

As the elevator filled up, Lee stood there patiently. Only as the doors to the elevator were closing did she look over toward Tarin. Her eyebrows shot up immediately in surprise and concern. He looked-

At that moment he turned to her and she saw the panic in his eyes as she felt his hand grab hers. “Hey, hey, hey,” she whispered as she squeezed his hand, looking straight into his eyes. She didn’t know what had suddenly caused the panic she was now witnessing, but mere days after a merge, she didn’t think it could end well if the panic continued or got worse. “Just focus on me, ok Tarin? I’m not going anywhere.”

82 floors.

Lee accepted Tarin’s hand and squeezed it, all reassurances and confirmation that she wasn’t going to go anywhere. Had anyone else heard that? Were there people looking at them in the elevator? Had the man next to him taken a step away?

Colors swam in Tarin’s vision and he wondered for a minute if he was going to pass out right there in the elevator.

75 floors.

Tarin realized as he stood there, clinging to Lee’s hand like a lifeline and doing his best not to move that he’d been holding his breath. Letting it out and taking another breath inconspicuously was hard, but he had to make sure that he didn’t draw too much unnecessary attention.

65 floors.

Tarin hadn’t stopped looking at Lee the whole time, hoping he wasn’t hurting her hand as the elevator crawled its way towards the observation deck. He hadn’t had this kind of problem with an enclosed space in a long time.

50 floors.

40 floors.

30 floors.

He was okay now. At least much better than he’d been when those doors at first shut and the elevator had lurched skyward. It still felt like the walls were closing in a bit, and the air felt too heavy, like they were using up the oxygen. He could handle it though, he could push all that panic and fear back into its little box in the back of his mind. He could breathe.

15 floors.

His hand released its grip on Lee’s a bit. His heartbeat was still hammering a bit in his chest, but Tarin’s breath had stopped its frantic pace. Lee was still there, had stayed there as good as her word. God it was embarrassing. He looked away.

5 floors.

Tarin’s grip slackened even more, and he pulled his hand away, shoving it and the other hand in his pocket. Had anyone seen what had happened? Was it uncomfortably quiet in the elevator or was it just him?

The doors opened.

People flooded out.

Tarin followed, as quickly as possible, without drawing attention. He didn’t look at the view, he didn’t stop for a picture, he just kept moving until he found a place without much of a view to lean against a wall, look out at the city, and try to breathe.

Lee just stood there, turning toward him more fully, holding Tarin’s hand as she looked up at him, breathing slowly and calmly herself to try and get him to imitate it, follow her breathing pattern.

“It’s ok, Tarin. You’re fine,” she murmured, her thumb rubbing back and forth on the back of his hand slowly without her realizing it. “Just breathe.”

She continued this as they climbed higher in the building, though Lee couldn’t have told you where they were at any point, her eyes were locked on Tarin’s the entire time as she continued speaking quietly to him.

Slowly, she saw him calming. He wasn’t calm, not by a long shot, but she could see the panic in his eyes fading, becoming more controlled. Not gone, but at least controlled, and his breathing was growing more regular, too.

Finally, after what must have felt like forever to Tarin, Lee felt him pull his hand away from hers and turn away. But she kept her eyes on him, wanting to make sure he was alright. Eventually, the elevator stopped and the doors opened. And as quickly as he could without pushing people out of the way, Lee saw Tarin leaving the elevator. Lee followed, only slightly slower.

Followed him over to an emptier area of the observation deck where he leaned against a wall. Stopping in front of him, Lee watched his face. “Are you alright?” she asked gently. “What happened in there? Are you claustrophobic?”

“I’m fine.” Tarin said as Lee approached, eyes still scanning the observation deck to see if anyone was watching. If he wasn’t exactly telling the truth at this point, it was mostly the truth. Out here where there was sun and open space and he could see for miles across the city, it was easier to breathe.

Lee wanted to know if he was claustrophobic and Tarin leaned back against the wall again, “Not usually.” he said, “Not for a long time.”

And it was true. It had been years since tight or cramped spaces had made him feel the utter panic that he’d experienced when he’d just been in that elevator. It made him feel like he was unraveling inside that these things kept happening.

“I keep thinking I’ve got everything under control.” He said, letting his head fall back against the wall, “And keep getting shown just how wrong I am.” he let his eyes close for just a moment.

“I’m sorry.” he said, “Everything was going so well.”

Tarin gave himself one more deep breath and then pushed it all away, “I’m really fine now. I’ll be fine going down.”

He was not fine, she could still see that, and Lee raised a questioning eyebrow at him. But then he started to explain, and as more words came out of his mouth, the deeper Lee’s frown got.

“What do you mean you think you’ve got everything under control?” Lee asked, confused. “All things considered, you have amazed me today with how well you’ve been holding yourself and your emotions together.” She tilted her head at his point as she looked up at him. “Why do you think I’ve been insisting on sticking around? Because it’s not to play tour guide.

“And you don’t need to be sorry, Tarin. Everything is going well. We just had a little hiccup there, that’s all.”

At this point, Lee moved over, leaning on the wall beside Tarin and just stood there in silence for a minute. “We can stay up here as long as you want to. Or need to. And if it is hard going down, I’ll be there again.”

Why was Lee telling him he was doing well? He wasn’t doing well at all. He was falling apart at the slightest thing, freaking out in a public elevator…where so many people could see. What if they’d noticed that something was off about him? Could they trace that back to him? Could they trace it back to Lee? God, he’d spent the whole damn day with her. If he got caught he’d be implicating her too.

The feeling that was starting to become familiar, the creeping panic was starting to claw its way into his chest again and Tarin dropped his head back against the wall again, hands clenching into tight fists at his sides. He wasn’t going to do this again. Not today.

The panic receded and he took a deep breath. What else had she said? She was expecting this. Expecting this because she’d apparently always been around to pick up the pieces when these sorts of things had happened. Tarin wondered a bit idly if she’d helped piece things together after her own death. Surely not. Surely she’d been the one to get help that time.

Lee said that they could stay on the observation deck as long as he wanted and Tarin had to chuckle, “I think they’d kick us off eventually.”

Out he looked at the city skyline.

“It is a hell of a view. I can understand why your spirit friend wanted to stay here.”

Though Lee was now standing beside Tarin, she kept looking over at him. And could see him tense up again. She wasn’t sure if the panic was coming back, she couldn’t see his eyes now, but she could tell that something was happening in his head. Something far greater than the tight confines of the elevator.

“True,” she agreed with him, her voice low and slow. Hopefully calming. “But we’ve still got hours before they do that. And it is a great view. Though I still have trouble looking at it from the edge over there.”

Taking a deep breath, Lee looked over at Tarin again as she tried to puzzle out what it was exactly that was bothering him. Because while he was breaking down a bit here and there, it didn’t seem to be in the same way, for the same reason. But if it wasn’t that, what was causing these reactions? If she didn’t know the cause, it would just be harder for her to help him through this.

“What are you worrying about?” She finally asked him as she turned to face Tarin, her shoulder leaning against the wall for just a moment as she realized that was a bad idea and straightened up.. “Because I know worry when I see it, and right now it’s oozing out of you. And I know this time it isn’t because of the elevator.”

Finally, something Lee was admittedly scared of. Looking over the edge of the well fenced Empire State Building. It was almost comical. She’d stand toe to toe with the possessed body of the alter ego of her ex husband and not bat an eyelash, but looking over the edge of the 82nd floor was too much.

Then she was asking about what worried him so much and Tarin had to sign, pulling his eyes back down to hers, frowning over at her as she started to lean next to him and then quickly stood. It was fine, he’d have kept his distance too.

“It’s the fact that you’re noticing at all Lee.” he said softly, “People aren’t supposed to notice anything about me.”

Tarin turned his head to once again look out over the skyline. It kept drawing his eye. He could see so far on such a cloudless day.

“I’ll tell you about it sometime…” he said, “It’s not a very nice story though, and not one that I’ve told anyone…” back down he looked, that same little scowl crossing his features. What was it that made him want to tell her things?

“For now, let’s just stay that emotional intelligence isn’t one of my strong suits.”

Lee frowned deeper when she heard Tarin’s answer. “And why aren’t they?” Lee questioned, the frown still on her face. “How are you supposed to have any kind of connection with anyone if no one ever notices you? Though, if anyone other than me had noticed anything earlier, it was just that you were having a panic attack. They happen sometimes, not the end of the world, and not something you need to try to hide from strangers.”

He was back to looking over the city now, and Lee turned her head to glance out at the skyline. It really was a beautiful sight. But at least he was saying that he’d tell her ‘that’ story sometime. That…was actually a lot better than things had been going so far that day. Lee thought that this might be the first time he’d willingly thought he would be around her in the future, even if the future was simply later that day.

“How many of us actually have nice stories?” Lee asked, a slightly sad smile on her face. “And I’d be honoured if you shared that with me. I know secrets like that are hard.

“But,” she continued, her voice taking on a joking tone as she smirked at him. “You’re a man. Doesn’t that in itself tell me about your emotional intelligence?”

Lee kept making point after point, but it was so damn hard to just listen. Tarin had tried to get out there and be noticed and it had worked too well. It had worked too well and he’d been in too deep to realize what was happening to him. Too caught up in trying to make those connections to see what was actually under the surface. It was dangerous to be seen like that.

As for the panic attack, because that’s what it had been, hadn’t it?

“It’s a fine balance. Blending in enough that the average person’s eyes just slip right on past. Being involved and social enough that you don’t stand out to people who try to look closer. I’m sure you know exactly what I mean. Falling to pieces all the time just doesn’t lend itself very well to blending into the crowd.”

Tarin sighed, thinking again just how tired he was. No…not tired, he still felt well rested from the dreamless sleep he’d had the night before. Tarin was weary.

Lee asked how many of them had nice stories and Tarin couldn’t help but notice the subtle emphasis on them. She absolutely had a point, “I didn’t mean to make it a contest. Kids shouldn’t ever have to go through the things that you and I went through just to exist.” And really, it wasn’t the kids who had ever been the problem. It was the adults who hadn’t seen them as humans in the first place.

As for emotional intelligence, Lee pointed out that the bar wasn’t very high for a man anyway and Tarin had to laugh, just a little.

“How dare you. It’s 2024.”

This sounded familiar. She had done that. Trying to blend in, trying to not be noticed. But at the same time, attempting not to completely hide away or make the attempts at blending in too obvious because, as had been pointed out to her years ago, that was also suspicious.

“Oh Tarin…” She sighed, her eyes slipping closed as realization washed over her. “Is that what all this is about?:

She paused and took a deep breath as she looked up at Tarin again. “Then stop trying to balance. Just be yourself. SUPER here isn’t like when you were growing up and the Registration Act was repealed years ago. You don’t have to try so hard to hide constantly.”

If that’s what had been bothering Tarin so much, if he had been stressing and worrying about being discovered, it was no wonder that he wasn’t falling apart the way that she had been expecting.

“And it’s not a contest. Just an unfortunate fact…”

He laughed! He actually laughed. Lee could only hope that like in the past, even though it hadn’t been with him, the starting of joking around and laughing meant that they were at a turning point. But she tilted her head as she looked at him, raising one eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Then prove me wrong.” She couldn’t help but laughing a bit herself as she finished speaking.