(Open to up to 3!)

The flyer had been for a pool party. In December. Which was odd. But get this, the person hosting it had a heated pool. And sauna. And hot tubs. Kind of neat. They must’ve been rich. Like super rich. Location was an estate in upstate New York. A real compound. The only requirement was that partygoers had to contractually agree to go hunting with the owner first. Sign a waiver. That sort of thing. Elliott supposed the person was just lonely or something. Had all the money in the world, but no friends to spend it on. So he bought friends.

Weird. But okay.

Elliott tried to get his girlfriend to go with him, but she was busy. And she felt like he probably should have been busy too, but he told her the art wasn’t flowing and he was bored. And this might just be interesting And unique enough to get those creative juices flowing. Did he know how to hunt? No! But how hard was it to fake being terrible? Kenzi seemed skeptical but whatever.

—

He arrived at the gates of the compound on time. Mainly because they’d offered a shuttle. Which might have been a bad sign. Some universal foreshadowing that maybe, just maybe, this has been a bad idea. What with the multiple people on the bus and the fact they brought them all on property in one big buzzed in group. But then hey, maybe it had been to cut down on the lost folks or the party crushers or the buzz killers who would partake then leave early.

He’d dressed warm, with a swim bag on his back compete with towels and suit. Fleece jacket, ear flap hat, lotta flannel. Jeans and shoes with wool socks.

The compound was heavily forested. No other compounds nearby: and the woods would eat party sounds. Give them loads of privacy. Compound itself was a massive forested area surrounded by fence. Everything was covered in snow. The drive to the main building took fifteen to twenty minutes from the metal gates. On the way, Elliott saw a few outside buildings. Little hunting shacks where people could go and get stuff. Like food or ammo? He didn’t pay too much attention to everything on his way in. Just people watched.

Lot of people. Beyond himself, there were probably six other people on the bus. Plus the driver. There was a married couple. Someone wearing a lot of leather. And others... he tried talking to some of them.

“So. This seems fun.” He said. “Anyone else getting sudden Stephen King vibes?”

Juniper was excited. She'd stumbled across a community posting for a heated pool party, open to the public and completely free. She didn't bother with the details, because who read the fine print anyway? and had scrambled to get her swim trunks out, find some goofy pool floats to drag with her, and dig out her massive sunglasses from the Hawaii trip, before skedaddling for the address provided.

An hour later and she's flip-flapping herself toward a small community center, wondering why there are so many mobility scooters parked outside, and... oh. It's a pool party for old folks.

...well then.

Juniper joined anyway because a heated pool was a heated pool and her head was a lot colder lately with less hair on it. She only got a few odd looks as she paddled around on her zebra shaped float, had a few short conversations with a few grandads and grandmas about what kids her age liked for birthday presents, and helped one nice old fellow figure out why his phone screen was so dark. She turned up the brightness and he called her a genius, and she instantly decided she liked him best out of all of the other old people.

Unfortunately, elderly folks weren't supposed to be in the water for very long and they all had strict nap times, so before she knew it she was alone out in the lobby, while some poor attendant had to fish a bazillion pairs of dentures from the bottom of the pool.

... Short-lived fun really sucked.

She fished her phone out from inside her abdomen, where she had kept it nice and waterproof, and send out an SOS on Seenit on the off chance that anyone out there might be hosting another pool party at this time of the year.

She was not disappointed. Hunting and a hot tub?!

She headed for the directed place, stopped and bought herself an iced coffee along the way, and hopped aboard the shuttle that would take her to the gloriously heated pools she had been promised.

After taking up entirely too much space on the bus they were there and she was off. What? The Zebra and Unicorn floaties needed seats too.

Someone who looked entirely too sensibly dressed spoke up, and she was immediately lost. "Dunno. Never heard of him."

She turned and accidentally whacked someone standing close by with a plastic inflated uniform head.

Power line inspections every day. Only inspections- no repairs. He loved repairs but no one had any lines to repair this week, despite the mixed weather they'd been having. He'd lost his earmuffs on Tuesday. Wiped his new gloves on fresh bird poo climbing up the powerline on Wednesday. Fought some chilly winds on Thursday.

Eisen stared out the window of the shuttle that escorted him and him few more strangers through some gnarly, snow-topped woods. A weekend at some rich stranger's compound was the right amount of voluntary crazy Eisen needed to rejuvenate his thrill-hungry spirit.

He had left his spare apartment keys to his neighbor, Elaine, the cat and dog lady who was more than eager to take care of Nico, his one-eyed cat. He wasn't planning on spending the weekend at this stranger's place, but he surely wasn't opposed to the idea. He didn't want Nico to suffer, though. The one-eyed soldier probably wouldn't notice he was missing, but he was sure the cat also held grudges. Death by vengeful kitty-claws was something he'd want to avoid at all costs.

Eisen brought all the reflective gear he owned; his orange work vest, Fanta-orange beanie, neon green socks, a pair of hot pink speedos and a whole bag of glowsticks. The vest and socks were for the hunting and the rest were for the night swims he was totally going to spearhead if no one else was. He hoped the mister or mistress would supply the glow, but one can never have enough glowsticks. Now that he thought about it the party thrower had a pretty ambiguous name, a Smithers, or something else old, white, and lonely sounding.

Speaking of old, Eisen had been afraid that this ad would attract old farts and he'd be the only young one up for a pool party and hunting, but he was surprised at the array of individuals in the shuttle. A martian looking dude, a couple, and even a cute blonde had made themselves on board. The obvious mutant made him feel a little more comfortable, knowing that his mutation would only be a fun party trick in comparison. He'd be a person to speak to at some point in the night.

When the blonde responded to his Stephen King comment, however, all his attention snapped to her.

"What? You're telling me you haven't heard of the genius behind the movies "It", "The Shining", and "Pet Sematary"? You do know him. You just didn't know you did."

Eisen swiveled to face her and focused his gaze on her. "We could ask our host to put one of those classics on for us. He better have a huge flatscreen beside the jacuzzi."

He gave her a wink. "What do you say? You up for hot bubbles and murderous clowns? Invitations open to anyone else too."

Zek was bedecked as normal in his long black trenchcoat, buttoned and tied tightly in this cold air. That part he wasn’t thrilled about, but he figured it would just be practice for whenever he hung out with Sam the Ice Man. Getting used to cold temperatures and such. It always seemed like the heat always broke down whenever Sam was around go figure.

Zek was also of the opinion that hunting and pooling would also be great practice for hanging with Sam. That guy got into a lot of stuff and Zek figured that one day they’d probably spend a nice quiet weekend in the woods somewhere, killing things and celebrating their masculinity and stuff, so Zek decided he needed to get some practice in for the inevitable hunt.

And so he came dressed in his hunting clothes. He’d even brought a horse, the same one he’d used in his last audition to show off his equestrian skills. He’d considered riding Mister Ed all the way to the hunt but in the end had decided not to because how awkward would it be if they were providing their own horses for everyone? And then Zek would have to explain why he got to have two horses, and he’d probably have to choose between them and no matter who he chose he’d feel bad about hurting the feelings of the other.

So he’d just kept Mister Ed in hammerspace storage, still in mid-chew of his hay. His ever-present duffle bag of goodies was stored in another ball and the bag containing his bathing suit, accessories, and pool toys was safely wedged inside a third dimension.

All in all, he was set for the hunt!

Especially because he’d gotten on the bus first and had taken a fantastic nap completely covered by his trenchcoat the entire way there and was therefore the last to get off. But now he was so refreshed!

And as he looked around for something to entertain himself with lest he get bored waiting for one single solitary moment, he saw stuff that looked fun! Or rather a person he knew who could always show a guy a good time.

Appearing beside Juniper, he pulled a foil wrapped object out of another pocket. “Fancy meeting you here!” he said to her. They really kept meeting in the most unexpected places. “Want some chocolate?”

The blonde girl with the pool toys hadn’t even heard of stephen king. But she had heard of inflatable unicorns. Thwap! Elliott felt bad for the person who’d been smacked in the face.

He wasn’t sure what to feel about the guy in reflective clothing. The one who heavy-handededly hit on the blonde. Oh you sweet summer child. Had he once been that awkward? Yeah. Probably. And probably worse. And the guy threw the invitation out the the whole class.

Elliott almost wanted to half heartedly tease the guy, something about whatever floats your boat, big guy. But he didn’t want to be mean. That seemed mean. Kenzi would have told him he were being mean. And she was such a good jomminy crockett.

He didn’t get the chance to risk it. The bus pulled to a stop and the driver told them to all get off. Politely. Except to one uniquely dressed gentleman who had somehow managed to get on the sweet old man’s bad side.

Wow. That last part had really breezed by.

He stood around, waiting. “So. Pool party will be fun.” He rubbernecked. Talking to the blonde and the guy in reflective gear. Sort of giving the trench coat man a wide berth. “This hunting thing, though... kind of lame they want us doing that first. Would much rather it be... the other way, right?”

The bus drove away with a whirrrrrr. Leaving them in front of the mansion, stranded. In the cold. Nobody had come out to see them. Not yet. But surely, they would. He’d give it a minute—

— exactly two minutes later—

A middle aged man with silver at his temples and dark hair stepped briskly out. Locked his arms behind his back. He was dressed in the same vein as reflective man. Hunting gear, through and through. He even had a large rifle strapped to his back.

“Greetings,” he said. He had a British accent. Why do they always have British accents and why does it never bode well? “I welcome you all to my mansion. I am Hezekiah Smithers. Please, in a circle introduce yourselves? And give us something interesting about yourself too! I like to know a little something of who I invite to the hunt.”

He smiled genially.

The married couple were first. “I’m Jacob Edwards.” The man said.

The woman chimed in. “I’m Bella Edwards!”

Elliott did not make any jokes. Oy vey.

“And this!” Jacob said.

“Is our honeymoon!” Bella added.

“Also, I’m an investment banker. And she buys and sells houses. If you wanted anything extra.” He added, since he likely got the feeling their cutesy introduction had not been enough.

Elliott didn’t catch the super leather man’s name. Mostly because it was said in a quick mumble. And more so because the guy had worn a large scarf that sort of covered his face and muffled his words. He was tall. Almost three toddlers stacked on their shoulders tall. Which certainly had no relevance to any foreshadowing or anything.

Smithers said “That truly is a fascinating thing you’ve told us.”

Elliott stepped forward. “My name is Elliott Thomas,” he shrugged. “I like martial arts. Or, the gentle art of folding clothes while people are still in them. Also known as involuntary yoga.” He smiled at the other people in the crowd.

That left the other three to introduce themselves. What would they say?

Her head craned to the side around one of her massive floaties and she spied the other guy who responded to her comment. He spouted off a bunch of what she assumed were movies, again that she had never heard of, and mentioned a flat-screen and a Jacuzzi.

"Nope never heard of any of those movies either." She grinned back though, because he had caught her wandering attention. "You had me at Murderous Clowns, though, so let's do this." She didn't bother offering a wink back, as her giant dark glasses kinda prevented him from seeing it anyway.

And then, suddenly, there was Zek. She didn't realize it was him right away until there was a promise of food and it clicked. "Zek! Chocolate! Yes!" It all came out in a bumble of words and she pushed the unicorn-themed floaty at him so that she could accept his offer of a chocolate bar. She spared a moment to carefully rip the paper and foil open with her teeth and bit off a square. "You ever seen any Murderous Clown Movies, Zek?"

A short wait later she was halfway through her chocolate and had yet to offer it to anyone else when someone came out of the house. She hadn't explicitly cared about being left in the cold as she was packed in the middle of a crowd of taller people and absorbing some of the minimal heat they put off helped a little.

The introduction and request for them to all introduce themselves reminded her of AA meetings she had seen in the few shows she actually watched and earned a giggle. That giggle turned into a full-on peel of laughter when newly named Elliot described what he liked to do as 'Involuntary Yoga'. That had funny mental images! The couple that had come before him were much more boring in comparison. Who went hunting and to a pool party on their wedding? Weren't you supposed to like, jump out of hot air balloons, or go to Vegas and make poor, life-altering financial decisions, or... something uber-romantic? Communal post-wedding hot bath water was not uber-romantic. It was some kinda kinky at best, and really just sad at worst.

Ope, it was her turn! "I'm Juniper. I like butts and chocolate." She kept nibbling on her candy-like normal. Nothing to see here. No fancy martial laundry arts.

She did however turn her attention to the recently married Bella as it switched from her turn to someone else. "Hey... are you named after that chick in that really weird PG13 smut book?" Because out of all of the media she had consumed in the last four years, of course she had read that terrible series.

The cute blondie with the sunglasses took him up on his offer and Eisen pumped his fist. One down, the rest of these partygoers to go. As the shuttle began to slow down and they arrived at the entrance of the mansion, Eisen made sure to double check his things. He had his seventeen bags of glowsticks, his towel, and a change of clothes. Shoot, he forgot to bring his cell-phone charger. He pulled out his phone and saw that it was at 18% charge. He should be fine, right? If he needed to, he could ask someone else to use their phone. Maybe the millionaire had a landline. Rich people still have landlines, right?

The mansion was breathtaking and exactly as Eisen expected. Stepping out of the shuttle, he adored the designer hedges, the beautiful white brick facade and huge windows, and the staple diamond-looking chandelier waiting for them through the windows of the entrance.

The green mutie voiced his hesitance, and the blondie found a guy in a fashionable red coat to share chocolate with. Eisen was tempted to ask for a piece, but there would probably be loads of food lying around in the mansion. He could wait.

Before they could enter, however, the Mr. Smithers guy greeted them at the entrance. Hezekiah. Hez. Kiah. Smithy. Eisen decided he would call him Smithy. Hezekian Smithers was too long a name. He seemed a little too excited to meet them, or was that a reasonable level of excitement for a lonely man such as ol’ Smithy?

“So, you’re the honeymooning Eds. I.D.K. what you called yourself, Scarfy. Elliot the yoga dude. Junie. I guess I’ll go next, Smithy.” Eisen stepped forward and puffed up his chest. He realized he was acting like such a goof, but that was all part of his act. He would probably never meet these people again, so he was putting on the goofball act just to make sure the party wouldn’t be a bust. Everyone knows that as long as one person acted like they didn’t care, the rest would follow.

“Call me Eisen. Short for Eisenhower. Yeah, like the president. I’m the guy that makes sure your telephone lines stay in tip top shape.” Eisen gestured to Smithers.

“We’re twinning! Orangies.” Eisen stuck out his tongue. Then he swiveled to the guy with the red coat.

“And I pass it off to you my friend, with your fancy shmancy coat. Best for last!”

Zek was now one chocolate bar short. He pulled another one out and proceeded to casually devour it. He didn’t think to offer any to anyone else because, well, he’d already been charitable. They should’ve just brought their own. Besides, Juniper had paid him with a unicorn floaty thingie which he had promptly vanished into a little side dimension. No sense bothering with carrying that around on their hunt. Although she still had another. Eh. He’d give it back at the pool part.

“Sure do,” Zek said with chocolate-stained teeth. “I watch just about every Murder Clown movie I can find. Love comedies.” He shredded bits of the wrapper and let the pieces fall to the ground as he ate another piece.

And then there was a lot of talking. This guy came out, stole Zek’s name, and said it really funny. And then had them all circle up with the intention of having them all introduce themselves? Eh. Zek just stuck by Juniper’s side and pulled his trench coat tighter over his riding coat beneath. He wasn’t ready to divest himself of his out layer just yet. At least he was wearing some good boots though.

And introductions began. Zek ate more chocolate and fastidiously atomized the wrapped as he peeled it back from each new square of deliciousness. There was a Betty, an Egbert, who were looking to buy a house maybe? Zek was pretty sure this was the wrong place for them - househunting season was next month, he believed.

Then someone who spoke Mumblese. And a Liam guy, did art yoga, professional clothes launderer. Juni, butts and chocolate. No surprises there.

And then it would’ve been his turn. Except it wasn’t, because Isaac Howard stepped forward and babbled. Something about shapes and lines. Zek was never that good with geometry.

And then there was some silence. Zek finished eating his chocolate. The last bits of wrapper fell to the ground in a red and white mess.

Then Zek looked up. Oh right. “Hi. So my name was already taken, so you guys can call me Montezuma. Or Tez, for short. Oh, and you ladies and everyone else can call me Montezuma or Tez, too.” Tez looked around. Oh. Right. Something about himself. “I have candy.”

Then Tez stuffed his hands into his pockets, turned, and blinked expectantly at Boring Old Dumb Hezekiah.

The blonde introduced herself, and Elliott was childishly amused. Butts, huh? Nice.

She said something to one of the honeymooners.

Bella looked at the butts girl and smiled. “Actually. I had it legally changed. My old first name was Elenor. Which is so incredibly archaic, can you imagine? It’s like, wasn’t that one of the presidents wives?” She laughed. It was a strident laugh.

Was she serious? Elliott wondered. Or else just effing with them all. The possibility was unlikely but he liked it. Two newlyweds whose entire game was to mess with people by portraying themselves as dense like pound cake, when really they were nuttier than a fruitcake and laughing to themselves.

The woman laughed some more and told Juniper she didn’t know what the smut book she was talking about was, but it sounded WONDERFUL and could she remember the name to recommend? Her husband looked in with rapt amazement.

Or maybe they’re just idiots, Elliott decided.

>>
“So, you’re the honeymooning Eds. I.D.K. what you called yourself, Scarfy. Elliot the yoga dude. Junie. I guess I’ll go next, Smithy.”

Romeo stepped forward. Seemed he had a nickname for all of them. Well... his could be Romeo.

Smithers didn’t seemed to mind the alias. Sometimes rich people get touchy about their storied last names being disrespected. Something about family lines going back for generations. But he just smiled indulgently. And beckoned , ‘pray continue.’

Romeo was also part president and all telephone line fixer. “Neat,” Elliott chimed in. Mildly impressed. Seemed they both both Daredevils of sorts.

He joked about matching colors and that indulgent smile on Smithers grew a shade less indulgent. But he did not stop smiling. It was more what was behind the eyes that changed. Like a gps, recalculating. That was what the minor change in composure felt like to Elliott. Mechanical.

Then he put the ball in redcoats court.

“The British are coming,” Elliott murmured glibly.

It was then that he noticed the unicorn floaty had vanished. Strange. He wondered what had become of it. Maybe it had gotten left behind but he’d been fairly certain it had made it off the bus... he’d seen the blonde, juniper, pass it off.

Eh. His memory could have just been flawed.

The guy... didn’t immediately speak. No he was in his own little dimension.

Elliott had no idea what names bring taken meant, but he said he was montezuma. Or Tez. And he had candy.

“Okay Zuma. Thanks.” Elliott smiled, showing off a zipper like set of pearly whites.

Why had he been reminded of a show he’d once seen with a psychic detective who took things seriously very rarely? One who played the fool in order to psych people out? His girlfriend had liked it. He’d liked it too. So, he reserved judgement about this person. Because of a tv show he liked. He felt foolish doing it the whole time!

“Alright,” Smithers said, nodding. “Now that we’ve handled that, we can get on to our business. Please, come inside my home so that we can discuss the waiver, and get everyone set up best we can. I see some are already prepared. I like your initiative. Others, we can see about gearing up...”

He eyed Juniper and the other less dressed individuals. Then, grinned a wide grin.

“The hunt isn’t very entertaining if some are ill prepared. And I wish this to be great sport! Who says I’m not fair?”

“Sure,” Elliott said slowly. “Sounds fine...” In the cold, his breath puffed visibly in front of his face.

Turning, Smithers lead them inside.

The mansion was not as magnificent as they would have thought from first glance. The entry hall was modest. No huge room with marbled floors and sweeping staircases. A diamond chandelier hung above them as they stepped into the main entry hall, but that was probably the most gaudy part of it. Mostly, it was tasteful dark wood floors and wall paneling, with creme colored wallpaper.

The large picture windows on either side of the front door let in muted winter light. There was an umbrella stand by the entrance hall, but no coat rack. Coat closet, yes. A big one. Open, visible, full of more hunting jackets and fine coats than one man could possibly need, in a variety of colors and sizes and styles that went back years.

The servants who greeted them did not offer to take their coats. They did offer warm beverages from their beverage trays, though. The servants were pale-skinned, but had kind faces and real smiles that made their eyes shine. They looked slightly tired, but perhaps they merely worked hard and lived to serve. Elliott took a mug of something steaming, and warmed his hands on it. A glance inside revealed—

“Chocolate.” Elliott said. He side-eyed their resident chocolate fiend, Montezuma. “Hot.”

The main butler, a tall British gentleman with a sallow face and a nasally cadence to his voice said “But of course, sir. Though, tea or coffee are available, if you should prefer?”

Elliott sipped at his cocoa, in response.

They were lead down a side hall, and another, past several closed doors. It was straightforward, hardly confusing. It would not be too difficult to get back to the entryway when the time came. But still, he was glad for a guide. With all the closed doors and the few turns they took, he felt he might have still managed to get lost. Finally, they reached a large study.

It had bookcases on the walls, several large tables, chairs set out for them, and one big mahomes by desk with a lamp. And those little balls you send clock clacking against the selves when you’re bored. Brass ones.

“Thank you, Renfield.” Smithers said. “Please get us the papers.”

“Yes, sir.” The butler returned a minute later with several stapled sheets of paper for them to sign and read. Preferably in that order, of course. If read at all. The butler said as much, then smiled wryly at his little joke.

“Thank you, Renfield. That is all.”

The butler left. Smithers turned to address them with a welcoming smile. “Please, sir and read then sign.”

Elliott sat in one of the numerous chairs arranged in front of one of the tables. Set down his cocoa then picked up the papers. He took one look at the long contract, read the first sentence and got lost in legalese. Then, he decided he knew enough about the whole situation to just sign without reading the, what, seven pages? Small script. Full of to whom it concerns and the signer of this contract and the Hereto aforementioned... Ain’t nobody got time for that.

He signed it, with a flair!

heczekial

Heckenzenial

zekghenzialican

Eisen offered a name easier on her brain. Smith. He was John Smith. Got it! Eisen, short for Esienmower, rambled on a bit and threw out a nickname, "Juniper." She corrected on instinct, hardly paying attention to his antics unless it concerned her. Bonus points for the energy, though!

Her attention was quickly snatched up by Zek introducing himself and... "Who's Montezuma?" Heck if she knew! "You have candy too?!" It wasn't fair. Why did he seemingly own all the pockets in existence to keep stuff in when clothing makers didn't even wanna give her like half of one?!

After everyone was introduced Anastasia started asking her about whatever book she had been talking about and Juniper realized she was getting swinger vibes from that couple. Both seemed waaaaay too interested all of the sudden.

So in typical fashion, she reciprocated in kind. "Sure. I could even act out some bits for you two if you want. Find me later!" Sometimes weird was fun.

Juniper was mildly insulted at the insinuation that she was less than prepared. She looked down at her old band t-shirt (The Moaners), her board shorts, with pineapples on them, and her flip flop clad feet. "Nah, I'm good. Thank's though." Extra clothes and stuff to carry was just more stuff to have to remember to phase with her all the time and that was... oof, way too much effort. If she was more confident she could have shown up in the buff just for the ease of use with her power.

They all headed inside, and Juniper immediately got lost looking up at the sparkly chandelier, just like she had the first time she had ever been to the school... or in any other fancy building, really. Something about all of the individual sparkles made her want to go up there and smack it around like a cat with a toy. She could imagine the rattle being really satisfying.

As soon as they were fully inside she pushed her shades up onto the top of her head, where they settled in her floofy short blonde hair.

"Oooh, choclate~" She was tempted to try and grab two, regardless of if that left someone else out, but decided against it as it was already hard to juggle her floaty and the cup at the same time. She accidentally smacked the Husband of the swinger troupe twice on the way in with the tail end. Surprisingly he didn't seem bothered by it.

"I'll take a coffee too! Or two! Can I have two?" The Butler she was hassling didn't show any outward reaction to her enthusiasm, but turned to walk off to get her the... two cups of coffee she had requested.

Juniper marked that down as a victory in her books. "Pardon me, Monty, looking for a cup here." She turned to zek after placing her cup on her own head, phasing it in a little so it wouldn't fall off, and proceeded to one hand rifle through all of the pockets on him she could reach.

Moments later she had herself a good-sized cup of coffee in her hands, in a ceramic mug that had a cartoon sloth on it, who looked very tired. (She had forgotten about the cup on her head, though).

They were led further into the place, and Juniper didn't bother paying attention to where they were going. Coffee was had and she was actively busy string the tall, silent one down from the side like she could x-ray vision through his outfit and figure out what he was hiding for.

They ended up in some room with a bunch of chairs, which Juniper immediately claimed one of, still miraculously with a cup full of hot chocolate on her head that she had somehow managed not to spill.

Papers were eventually handed out and Juniper immediately scrawled her signature across it without reading a single word, in the messiest attempt at cursive she could muster since she had never learned.

After setting them haphazardly off to the side she settled back in the chair with her cup, swinging her legs a bit, and looking around to see what everyone else was doing.

"So when's the hunt begin?" Juniper paused, and fished her phone out of the only pocket on her person. "Ooh, quick, Zumba! Selfie!" She squiggled around so her back was facing Zek's direction, lifted her phone and grinned widely before snapping a pic.

Montezuma addressed the group last, of which Eisen didn’t want to call Tez. Montezuma was a fricken awesome name already, though it probably wasn’t his real name. Something about his name already taken, must mean someone earlier took his name. Maybe we have the same name? he thought, but that wasn’t likely.

Smithers seemed a little too pleased by the assembled crew but his smile gave off a less creepy vibe than Eisen had previously expected. Maybe he wouldn’t turn out to be an aloof, wealthy kook, but was just a misunderstood man who lived off of some inherited property. Eisen shrugged the thought aside. He didn’t have much to go off of yet.

His interest peaked as they followed Smithers into his establishment. The interior of the mansion could be described as rich in the dark chocolate sense, with wood and creme colored walls. Vast, but simple. He still admired the chandelier and would love to see how the building was wired. The entrance lacked space for them to hang up their coats despite there being a huge coat closet displaying Smithers’ hunting and winter attire.

Servants came up to offer them beverages and Eisen jumped at the hot chocolate with a similar enthusiasm as Junie. He watched as she balanced the mug on her head and imagined seeing it sink into her scalp. He rubbed his eyes, and confirmed what he was seeing. So, she must be a mutant too. That makes three of us, so far. Eisen tried his best not to focus too much on that reality, but the past two years scouting for mutants for the underground fights drilled into him a subconscious radar for other mutants. He had no reason to seek them out now, though he was surprised he still had it in him.

A blanket of silence seemed to cover the group as they followed Smithers down the halls, sipping their beverages. He used the silence to take it all in. During moments of silence when he inspected telephone wires, which happened often, Eisen loved to survey the city and memorize the rows of buildings from his vantage point. Even now, he was paying close attention to the low ceilings, mahogany doors, which sections were lit and weren’t. They took a left, a right, straight down and another left before arriving at a huge study, wide and furnished enough to feel like groups studied here. Curious for a man who advertised his loneliness. Now, Eisen was growing suspicious.

>>The butler left. Smithers turned to address them with a welcoming smile. “Please, sit and read then sign.”

Eisen picked a seat beside Elliot, the man, er mutant who seemed to have the most sense out of the group and plopped his bag beside the table. Elliot, however, did not waste any time reading the fine print, and Eisen looked around to see what everyone else seemed to be doing. He was off put by those that signed without hesitation. Since he already established himself as the fun-loving guy of the group, he didn’t want to keep them waiting, but Eisen also wanted to know what was on this document. Ehh, what could go wrong?

“You just need my siggy, right, Smithy?” Eisen called out, as he ripped the last page off, quickly signed it, and stuck it out for Smithy to see. Then he began to read the fine print, but before he could continue, a clumsy servant had come over to pick up his signature and knocked over his hot chocolate. The hot liquid ruined the document and pooled over into his lap.

“Sh*t! Hot! Hot!” Eisen quickly took off his pants to reveal his hot pink speedos.

“Sorry, sir. May I get you another glass?”

“How about some pants?” Eisen said, irritated. Then he took a deep breath and re-assumed his easy-going persona. “Neon-yellow ones, please! I needed something to complete my ne-out-fit anyway.”

Tez followed everyone else into the mansion like a good little lemming. Although it was weird because weren’t hunts usually held outside? Unless, maybe they were househunting! He turned and glanced at Betty and Egbert with something bordering on curiosity and respect, but not quite there yet.

Nah. That’d be dumb. They were probably hunting ghosts or something. Which was awesomtastical. He’d never caught a ghost before. Imagine the fun he could have unleashing one of those on someone! Or like at a kid’s birthday party!

He smiled giddly as they trudged back the tacky wallpaper and ugly wood floors and the diamond chandelier that would fit so nicely inside a pocket dimension. He’d declined the offer of drinks though. The chocolate smelled like the powder stuff and those cups were tiny! He had marshmallows bigger than them! Granted, that wasn’t saying much because he knew a guy who sold giant marshmallows, he just wanted any psychic reading his mind to be jealous of him. And he obligingly let Juniper frisk him until she decupped him. Because that’s what friends did.

Besides, the last time they’d hung out he’d borrowed her harmonica for that thing with the rubber ducks and the tortellini mob and still hadn’t given it back. “By the way, I have your harmonica, remind me to give it back when this is over.”

And then they were in a bookroom. Or something. Tez didn’t know the fancy word for whatever you called the place. He gravitated to one of the bookshelves and pulled one out. And slumped. No hidden passage or secret lever. Ah well. He dragged a table over to Juniper and sat on it as he was handed his own papers. He pulled out his own cup of hot chocolate (made with real melted chocolate and still fresh from the restaurant) and took a gulp before setting it down. Fist-sized marshmallows floated in it.

He took the gifted pen and stuck it in a pocket. Then he pulled a quill out of a sleeve, dipped it into a small pot of cuttlefish ink he’d extracted from another pocket and with a calligraphic flourish, signed “Montezuma Srevenge” on the final page. Then his writing implements disappeared and he gently blew on the ink until it dried.

And it was about that time that Isaac start talking about hot pants. Staying cross-legged on his table, Tez swiveled his head around with bright eyes and gleeful interest. Until Isaac started stripping. With his head still on backwards, Tez leaned over to Juni. “Wait, I thought the pool party was after the hunting. Or is this part of the hunting party? It’s funny - I thought only bachelor and bachelorette parties had strippers. Huh.” He continued to stare even as he produced a very long crazy straw so he could continue to drink from the massive cup behind him.

“You just need my siggy, right, Smithy?”

“Correct.” The man said briskly.

His servant did exactly as was expected regarding anyone nosy enough to actually root through the contracts small words. Smithers was all too happy the facilitate the clothing of the man in the pink bathing suit.

He directed a servant to get a pair of hunting pants in the man’s exact size, with the polite British excuse given that in a past life, he was a tailor and knew a thing or two about inseams.

As Eisen waited, he might’ve noticed tall, dark, and brooding in the scarves glancing his way. Then again, he may not have.

Elliott was busy watching the other people in the room. What was with the guy who had the giant cup of cocoa? He hadn’t seen him bring that in. And why had that guy gotten naked?

“Ahem. Now that you have been given your pants.” Smithers said, a couple minutes later, after Eisen had put on his new clothes. “Perhaps, we can begin?”

Eisens pants were a neon hot pink with yellowish green reflective lines on them. He looked like a 90s track suit.

“I’ve taken the Liberty of bringing hunting gear out for each of, which was brought in with young Eisen’s pants.” He smiled. “It is equally bright and reflective should you wish to stand out.”

There was a pile of jackets and pants, as he had said. In links and neon greens and yellows and oranges. Not all at once, Mind, but as a selection. Elliott stayed at least ten feet back, lest it burn him. Or his retina.


“The closet in the entrance hall has gear for you. If you wish for something more plain. And there is hunting gear on the way. Should you desire to wait. Shotguns and rifles... Now then!” Smithers clapped his hands cheerfully. “Dusk is three hours away. You all have a three minute head start! As the contract said, the goal is to evade capture (or death) until nightfall, after which the real fun can begin!”

“Wait,” said Elliott. “WHAT?!”

Smithers smiled, and chuckled to himself. He swung the rifle down off his back, and checked that it was loaded. “It was all in the contract, little one. You should have read the fine print as I suggested. Nevertheless, you’ll have a three minute head start before I begin the hunt. On your mark, get set, g—“

The person in the overcoat and scarves stepped up beside Smithers and placed a hand on their shoulder. In a voice like three, in tinny tones, it said:

“The contract stated options. For the hunt, we were able to flee, hide, or join.” It shifted, and the coat fell to the floor revealing... something.

Three purple skinned demon babies with tiny bat wings, standing on top of each other’s shoulders. “Weeee would wish to joooin you.” They said. Their eyes glowed with an Eldritch light.

“Us too!” Jacob stepped forward, eagerly. He grinned at the rest of them, especially Juniper. “I’m all too happy to play a dangerous game.”

“You don’t speak for me,” a small voice piped up. Elliott turned to see Bella. “You always do this!” She said, voice gaining strength. “Talk over me. Speak over me. SHOUT, over me.”

“Those are the same things, darling. Maybe you’re not thinking this through. It always takes you a minute, just—“

“Forget you, Jacob!!” She yelled. “I’m not stoooopid! I’m not dum! I don wanna be a murderer! And—“

“Bella,” he said. Honestly sounding hurt.

“Can it, Jake! Maybe we shouldn’t have even done this. Got married. ‘M having buyers remorse.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying!”

“Besides,” she shook her head and tossed back her hair. “I’ve been doing your brother. Edward Edwards is a real man’s man! More man than YOU!” She pointed at him. He pointed back.

“You WITCH!!!”

There was a crash as the sound of breaking glass interrupted their quarrel. Cold air swept through the room. Elliott stood breathing hard by a freshly broken window. The room was down one chair. “You all need help!” He stated. Then he hopped through the window.

Smithers sighed heavily, and checked his expensive watch. “Back to business, then. You have a three minute head start. Three, two, one, go!”

Bella grabbed a bright winter jacket off the pile, turned and used it to brush the broken glass from the edges of the window frame. Then, daintily, she climbed on through after the green man. She left the jacket hanging in the frame. She did not want, or need, it.

The word "strippers drew her attention and she swiveled around to see what he was talking about, after taking a selfie that had her and Zek, and a glimpse of GreenBoi, and a nice shot of Hotpink!hotpants mid-de-pants.

"...This gonna be like, an 'all at once kinda thing? Are we about to chicken fight in a pool?"

Apparently, they were not.

Smithers blasted her idea out of the water and she withered in her seat, then finally remembered the cup on her head and soothed her wounds with twice the drinkage. It wasn't nearly the same amount that Zek had, but hey, she also didn't have awesome zappy!balls. He droned on about equipment again and Juniper toned him out, tinkering with her phone so she could add funny stickers to the picture she had taken.

Then Elliott shouted and her attention drew back to the group. What was that? They were being hunted? Oh. Well. That sounded like a lot more work than she thought she was originally signed up for. Bummer!

And then the mystery figure un-coated themselves and turned out to be three mutant babies and... oh, well okay. This was gonna be a zany adventure then. Got it. Juniper snuck a suspicious glance at Zek. All of the craziest stuff happened when she ran into him.

She caught the eye of the male swinger, winked at him, watched a real like romance drama break up occur, and hurried to guzzle her hot chocolate and coffee as fast as possible.

Elliott made a swift exit, shouting something that was honestly very accurate, and Bella followed after him.

"...Well that was awkward." She set her empty cups off to the side, stood from her chair, and collected her cartoonishly large zebra floaty. "Guess I'll go then. So... when I win I still get to use the pool, right? Otherwise, it's pretty silly of me to have stolen these floaties from L." She gave it a squeeze and it honked.

She headed for the window, briefly paused to consider how she was gonna get the floaty out without popping it and decided to just phase it through as she stepped out.

"Oh, right," She turned back once outside, looked directly at Jacob, and grinned, "I'm totally gonna bang your ex-wife!" He deserved it, too. Who called their partner a witch like that? Especially one named after a vampire novel?

Juniper took off at an easy sprint, phasing most of her weight away so that she could catch up with Mr. green and Mrs. Swan.

Eisen had never felt so flattered before as when he received his new pair of neon-pants. He looked around the room for a mirror, and found the glint of the evening light against the window as a good enough reflective surface. He swiveled, checked out his ass, and stared in awe ar his complete neon glory.

“Smithy, you’re the bomb dot org.” Eisen shot him finger guns. Then he listened as Smithy continued speaking and the gears in Eisen’s head started turning.

>>“Dusk is three hours away. You all have a three minute head start! As the contract said, the goal is to evade capture (or death) until nightfall, after which the real fun can begin!”

Three whole hours to hunt? We’re the hunted, what? Eisen began to raise his finger, then he looked down. If he were to be the hunted, he would eat sh*t. A fire began to burn inside him. He knew he should have read the fine print! Eisen’s face drooped all the way down to the floor and he almost wept at his own stupidity. Then, he began to feel even sadder realizing that it was now confirmed that their glow stick party would literally have to wait till nightfall.

Then, the scarfy dude disrobed and brought up an excellent point.

>>“The contract stated options. For the hunt, we were able to flee, hide, or join.”

I’m so glad someone read the fine print. Eisen thought as his chest began to relax. Then as the couple bickered, all the possibilities rushed through his mind.

Join and risk getting my hands bloodied? Or risk getting my blood spilled... Eisen thought to himself, but then realized. My hands will probably get bloody either way… Eisen then slapped himself in the forehead. All of this is so f*cking crazy! His thoughts finally traveled to Niko, his one eyed-cat sitting at home. He should probably tell Elaine that there was a possibility he wasn’t coming back.

Decisions suck. Eisen sulked as he went to pick up his bag and watched Elliot, the irritated ex-wife, and Junie escape out the window. He would have to mope later and decide fast. Think, Eisen. Think. What’s the best way to get out of here alive?

Maybe I could join Smithers, pretend to play, and then shoot him up. No. He’s definitely too smart for that. Eisen looked back down at his disco outfit. He would really have to ditch this beacon if he had a chance of surviving. But if I choose to hunt, that could backfire on me as well. Time was ticking. Three minutes? Only three? Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t.

“Uhhhhhh. I have to take a piss.” Eisen blurted out as he scooped up his bag and darted out the study the way they came in.

Sh*t. He definitely knows I’m running now. Eisen darted back through the hallways. Luckily he had memorized the way back. So his feet wouldn’t make a sound, Eisen ran using his mutation, spatially locking the soles of his feet as he traversed over the floorboards. As he ran, he fumbled to shed his ne-outfit, which required all of his concentration. His pants, vest, and finally his bag of glowsticks were all left behind.

He made it to the coat closet at the front and grabbed the closest coat and pair of pants he could find. His heart thumped against his chest knowing the time limit had to be over by now. Where should I go? Sh*t. Eisen ran for the front door, and a cold burst of air greeted him. He jumped out and began making his way up, spatially locking his shoes to climb up and over the front of the house. He waited, peering over the edge of the roof, still hovering with his mutation, to see if anyone had followed him out. Then, if and when the coast was clear, he planned to use his higher vantage point to scope out the size of the property, and decide on where to hide next. The air was colder up here, but thankfully Smithy’s new black coat did the job.