Things just kept getting better and better! There was all the stuff with Senior Speedo on the loose, then Tez stuck his tongue out for a silly selfie with Juniper, and all that was fun and all (including the pants that were found for Isaac [they were so ugly and tacky Tez couldn’t stop smiling]), but the real fun part came after.

There was something about hunting people for three hours, which was like whatever to Tez, but things took a twist when the only other well-dressed person there revealed themselves to be a trio of grape-Kool-Aid cupids. “Awww,” Tez said. They were so cute and murdorable!

But then the climax. Betsy and Edgar broke up. There was fighting, name calling, broken windows, sex scandals, passions running high - it was everything you could want from an episode of some daytime television show! And Tez had front row seats!

And the green guy split real quick, as did the witch. And Juniper. And Isaac had to go to the bathroom, which Tez felt was really a personal matter and didn’t need to be shared with the rest of the class. Some people are so immature, he thought as he continued sipping from his crazy straw.

And then it seemed like it was his turn. He swiveled his head back around to face the hunters. “Oh, I’m joining you guys,” he told He Who Shall Not Be Named Because He’s Ugly And Dumb And Has An Uglier House Except For That Fancy Chandelier Which Zek Now Montezuma Now Tez Had Totally Decided He Was Going To Take When He Left. Like who wouldn’t join the winners people leading the hunt? Besides, Tez was already dressed as a hunter. “So do we get like cool badges or special snacks or something?”

Slurrrp.

So he had more people in his side. Would this make it less of a hunt, or more? The thrill of the idea, of the hunt itself, surged through him.

Wonderful.

He would allow it. He would see. And if he, Smithers, grew bored... well. They would see where time took them. Because time changes all things. Of that, he was more than aware. He was Certain.

Three strange brings that spoke as one. Yes. With wings and beady little eyes, large heads, and sharp teeth.

He took inventory as he awaited the three minute mark. The end of the head start he’d oh-so-generously granted these worms. Would they run, would they join, or would they hide? There was also fight. The hidden fourth option. To fight back was always on the table, to attack him, to kill.

As of killing him were a possibility. Smithers was amused at the very notion. Oh, what fools these mortals be. To quote... something. Old Bill’s show. The one about the dream.

He nodded at the blonde girls question, and gripped his rifle firmly. “The pool is for winners,” he confirmed in the most dry of British accents. Dry enough he maybe needed a moist towelette? No. But dry enough, Fo Sho. In the modern hippity hoppity vernacular.

Ugh. Moderntalk . All one word. A word which he detested, along with all the doublespeak and idiotic slang that had replaced phrases of yore. Yore these days, even, was just a word used by yokels who did not know how to properly spell your order you’re. And don’t get him started on—

You’re right. He was getting distracted, now wasn’t he? But he felt positively ancient with his things had changed in his lifetime! A little forgiveness needed to be extended to cover up his bitter eying of the betrayal of language, itself. And if he laid it on a but thick with the hunting and the allusions regarding his views on words and their changes over time, well then! Maybe that was just another writer’s weaknesses in prose showing on through.

—

The blonde said one more thing before leaving. Something about banging one of his compatriots ex-wives. The man in question twitched, then thrust a finger her way snd shouted:

“I’d like to see you try!!!”

Ugh. Smithers sighed. He didn’t even have the remotest clue what he had said, did he?

“Are you absolutely certain,” he muttered, voice absolutely withering. “You have no desire to join them in our little hunt?”

“Huh.” Jacob responded fully, then snorted. “Chuh! Yeah right.”

Ughhhhhh. Maybe three minutes had been too long of an arbitrary allowance in headstart time? Smithers was certain he could shoot someone just then.

The triplets tittered, and clasped hands. They, at least, were enjoying this.

“And another one down, another one down, another one joins the hunt.” Smithers drawled the Freddie Mercury line, and paraphrased as Montezuma chose to join them. And pelted him with questions. Joy.

Badges? Special snacks?

“Will the blood of your enemies suffice?” He smiled coldly.

—

Elliott was good at running. His mutation... made it kind of his thing. Strong legs. Running and jumping. Kicking ass. Taking names. Okay, maybe the last of those had zilch to do with his mutation. Still... his speed made his efforts to slow his stride, in order to stay within a fair distance of the woman following him... difficult. But appreciated, by the woman herself. She gave him a nod of affirmation as she rushed to get into lockstep with him, running at Elliott’s side.

He was all about not dying himself but that did not mean he would leave anyone behind. His d ceased roommates voice echoed in his memories. That’s not what heroes do. Benji’s ghost would haunt him till he died.

—

“There. Three minutes are up.” Smithers looked to his allies. “Go hog wild.”

The triplets looked at each other. They were in agreement. They had watched as He had run off. To urinate. But had never returned.

Nod nod nod.

They shot out the window and went airborne, taking to the skies to hunt their prey! They saw people below as the climbed vertically, people running towards the woods. But none were in neon pink and yellow. None, Him.
Perhaps if they went higher?

He had left from the front of the mansion. They had exited the side, by the window. It was the only thing that kept them from immediately locating their prey. As they floated up the side of the building, towards the roof, someone else stumbled out the front door.

—

He was in a dark hunting jacket now, with a shotgun and a black ear flap hat and a canvas duffel bag full of ammunition and other things slung over one shoulder. He ogled the grounds, then sniffed.

Cut back to a minute prior.

He had opted to leave through the halls, rather than a window, as would any sane mutant. He had found the brightly colored pants. He had smelled them. He had taken in the scent.

Cut to now.

Jacob turned, and glanced up. Up. Up.

The coat billowed dramatically against the backlight of the sky. “Oh son of a—!!”

Jacob reeled back several steps and took aim. Took a few seconds. Fired.

It seemed he had found the man named after a dead president first.

The thing about shotguns is, the shot spreads. So maybe he had chosen a poor target, one that was distant. He certainly got the front of the building and some chunks of roof. But Eisen?

“Shit!”

Maybe he shouldn’t have screamed before he’d shot his load. Hastily, Jacob fumbled a couple shells free of the duffel and put some more shells into the gun.

—

The triplets spun, towards the sound of the shotgun. A sound like three throats gargling pop rocks escaped them. Was that a laugh?

They hovered in place above the roof. The hunt, it was on. Slowly, like stalking tigers, they drifted in the direction from which the sound had come.

—

At the sound of the gun, Elliott glanced over his shoulder. What he saw was—

“Hi juniper,” he said breezily. “So nice of you to join us. Where’s Montezuma?”

That was her name, right? Juniper? And Monty. Tez?

—

And speaking of Tez. Rifles, shotguns, pistols, and all the ammunition he could stuff in his pockets. They had hooked him up. He even had been given a badge with a large L. It stood for Hunting Party cLub (and nothing else). Although the butler had smirked when he’d offered it to the man. What was up with that? More importantly, what was up with him?

With him, with Montezuma? With Zek? What was up with that?

And what was up with Hezekiah? After the hunt had begun, Hezekiah Smithers had strolled amiably out the door to the room. But he had not rushed to the front of the building. Not had he rushed to the side, out a hidden side entrance or something. He had simply... vanished. Which was strange, considering how nefarious and eager he had been about continuing the hunt. Almost as if...

She caught up pretty easily and fell in line beside Bella, who was keeping up with Elliott.

"Sup." She was absolutely still carrying her giant inflatable zebra floaty above her head. E asked where Z was, and she turned and blinked at the empty space beside her.

"Oh. Hmm. Maybe he got caught already? No, wait, I doubt that. Maybe he caught everybody already." She shrugged. "or he's still drinking his hot chocolate."

She faced fully forward again and looked at Bella, who didn't seem too broken up about things. Like, she wasn't balling her eyes out or anything.

"Hey, you okay? That was a pretty scummy thing for him to say back there."

Bella sniffed lightly, "I'm fine! I don't need him. Edward is so much more man than he is anyway!"

"... did you all purposefully theme all of this after the books? Please don't tell me Jacob only married you because of the kid you will eventually one day have. That's creepy and I didn't bring my ass-kicking boots." She didn't even own a pair of boots.

She turned her attention back to Elliott who she assumed was leading the charge or at least had a plan. Maybe.

"So what's the plan? We gonna hide, oooor... seek? I wasn't paying much attention while the old guy was explaining things."

She'd heard the shotgun go off before, and the distance 'Shit!' which had made her giggle as she was catching up.

"Where's Speedo Eisen? DO ya think he got caught already?" She was remarkably calm. Mainly because she didn't think she had much to worry about and was still under the assumption that this was all some big surprise game of Nerf hide and seek.

Not even moments later after Eisen clambered over the roof did he see the shape of a coat-laden person emerge from the door. Close! He pulled his head back from the edge, but noticed the flap of his new coat billowing over the side.

>>”Oh son of a --!!” Eisen then heard a crackle like a firework and his coat got a hole in it, and so did part of the roof right next to him. The spread shot of what was definitely a shotgun took out some chunks of the roof and Eisen yelped.

“Oh fu-ton!” The shot startled him so much he lost control of his ability. His nerves got the best of him, so much that he fell onto the snowy roof and started to slide down. A large gargoyle, which looked more like a buff Hercules than any rotten looking demon thing, stood up where pieces of the roof had been broken off. Eisen reached forward and grabbed the buff leg, before stabilizing his shoes and pulling himself up to it. The shotgun had ruined the corner of the roof so much that the gargoyle leaned forward, almost tottering down.

On instinct, he placed a palm on it and slid his back against Hercules’ stony butt. Smithers really should have built this thing better. He steadied it with his ability and hoped it would provide enough cover from another round of whoever’s shotgun was attacking from below. He hoped they would fire another shot, so he could take a quick look of who it was during the reload, before running away.

“I know you’re up there, dead president!” The man called out, and Eisen vaguely remembered the voice as the one who broke up with that other chick.

Ok, so it sounds like he’s the only one down there… but where are the others? Eisen looked over the snowy rooftop, which was hard with his heart pumping adrenaline through his trembling body, and noticed a gaggle of flying beasts headed in his direction. It doesn’t seem like they saw him yet, but they were headed toward the sound of the noise.

I am so dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. Eisen kept looping the phrase in his head as he pressed up against the gargoyle and slipped his control again. He felt Hercules’ stony butt inch forward away from his back and felt himself slipping off the roof with it. Noooooooo!

Together they hurtled off the roof, the light of the moon shining through the clouds peering down upon them in their descent. “I’m falling!!!” Not. Eisen spun around and dove with Hercules, and placed a hand on his chest, pausing his clothing in the air and effectively catching himself yards above the ground. He couldn’t save Hercules, though, as he shattered on the welcome mat.

Jacob leaped off to the side to avoid getting hit by the falling gargoyle, and Eisen’s survival instincts kicked up again when he saw his gun.

“Give me that!” Eisen positioned his feet in the air to leap, paused his shoes, unpaused his coat and jumped toward the gun.

“Augh! Die, you fool.” Jacob repositioned the gun to aim at Eisen.

Eisen’s hand wrapped around the front sight and he paused the gun in the air, and paused it so that even as Jacob tried to pull the trigger, it wouldn’t budge.

“Let go!” Eisen then held onto the shotgun, which was huge by the way, since it was able to ruin so much of the roof, and using it as a polearm, threw his feet into Jacob and threw him onto the snowy ground.

Eisen hung in the air with the gun, breathing hard. He hadn’t done so much exercise in the past week.As he hung there, however, he could see the flapping figures of the bats now descending upon him, with their ugly gargling noises.

“Give me a break!” Eisen dropped to the ground with the shotgun and ran over to the fallen Jacob, thrusting the butt of the gun into his face to knock him out. “Sorry pretty boy, I need this.” He said as he grabbed the sling around Jacob’s chest holding the shotgun ammo and continued to run, this time wrapping around the right of the mansion’s entrance. Boy did he need a breather. Eisen stopped for a second to shoot a round behind him, but as he did so, the bullets came in contact with the cool air. The triplets were nowhere to be seen.

“Sh*t. Where did they go?” Eisen considered running back to the entrance and hunting them down, but he took this chance to catch his breath first and reload the shotgun. Then as he took in a breath, he decided to run toward the backyard, where the others ran. His compatriots would probably need his help and now he had a gun!

Tez slurped his hot chocolate excitedly as he watched the interplay. Between Namestealer and Edgar. That tone Mr. Stuffy used was just, was just beautiful! Tez was trying to absorb everything he could about that tone and how he could start using it himself. It seemed like a great tone to use when infiltrating one of those fancy cocktail parties or balls where everyone’s food cost more than a minimum wage worker earned in a week.

Tez had definitely picked the best team!

And the Witherglare turned his attention to him and Tez just lit up with excitement. And then curiosity. And then a frown. “Hmmm. I guess that depends. Would any of them happen to be oh-negative? That’s the one that’s supposed to be good with everything? And like A and B are just...meh?” said Tez. He shrugged. He wasn’t a bloodologist. “Eh, I guess that’ll work for now. I mean, I mostly came here for the pool, so like, blood is basically just icing on the taco.”

Three minutes later, Zek had made definite inroads on his giant mug. Half of the marshmallows had been savaged and devoured. Half the chocolate was gone. There was maybe a gallon or so left.

He had also been given a ton of various guns of all shapes and sizes (and many of them looking expensive) and ages. And a badge. A BADGE! “Aw, yeah!” Zek said as the butler guy handed it to him. He immediately stuck it inside a pants pocket where it could stay safe and warm. He was so looking forward to seeing Juniper’s face when he caught her and won and then he could say “Stop in the name of the Law” while holding up his L badge. Muahahaha!

And that’s when Zek realized he was basically alone. He blinked and looked around. Hmmm. Well, what were you gonna do?

He vanished his mug and took his trench coat off, which he stuffed (along with the guns) into his newly-appeared duffle bag. The gun were spilling out of it and there was no way to actually close the thing now, but it served its purpose. Except for one pistol (which he slid into a pocket on his hunting jacket) he vanished the duffle of stuff. He left the book room.

Two minutes later he was back and the mansion was missing a fancy chandelier. Zek clambered out of the window like most of the others had and figured the runners would be the best victims. After all, those cupids seemed to be flying high and who knew where Jacob had gone?

Once out in the snow, Zek shivered and swore and then flashed Mister Ed into existance. The sudden cold made the horse rear and neigh, but after a bit, Zek was able to calm him down. And then he was on him, a riding crop in one hand and a brass hunting horn which he’d taken from his duffle.

He put the horn to his lips and “BBBLLLAAAAAAAAAARRRRREEEEE!”

And then he squeezed his knees into Mister Ed’s side and said, “Hi ho gold and stuff, away!” And they were off! Into the woods!

Caught already? Or joined the enemy.

“God I hope not...” Elliott said distractedly. He was still running. The possible situations ran through his mind, too, but... he didn’t want to think too much on them or his head would explode.

Really, who joins the bad guys?

His attention waned as Juniper turned her focus to Bella. He casually overhead this exchange:

>> "... did you all purposefully theme all of this after the books? Please don't tell me Jacob only married you because of the kid you will eventually one day have. That's creepy and I didn't bring my ass-kicking boots."

“Sniff. Would you, like, drop the book thing? I really don’t get it... and we’re kind of in a thing here.”

Ouch.

Quite rightly, juniper switched her focus back to him.

“Good questions. All of em. I’d said, my plan was to run to the edge of the compound and hop the fence. But— if they catch up, I’ll fight em. As for speedo Eisen... hopefully he was speedier than that... well just have to wait and see...”

And he ran some more, hopping over roots on the ground as they started approaching forested area.

—

As for Eisen, and what he was actually doing. He was avoiding lethal buckshot like a boss. As far as avoiding a painful fall off a rooftop went... less so. He was hanging on, sure! Jacob couldn’t really get a good line of shot on him, right! But if he fell... well. That’s all she wrote.

He opened his mouth, ready to pound another insult towards the man as he fell. Adding that to the injury the guy would surely face. And— well his jaw went slack and dumb as things did not go according to plan.

Something shattered and he took several stunned steps back. Brought his gun up, to aim at the suddenly much closer man. He’d avoided most of the shrapnel from falling rock, but there was a nick on his cheek that bled red. He was mad now. And there he was...

He cursed at Eisen, and tried to aim at the kid point blank. It did not go as planned. That seemed to be a recurrent theme today.

Ugh! Argh! Why couldn’t he— shoot! And— shoot!

The kid did some slick move to kick him, and suddenly he was on the cold hard ground. SHOOT!!!!

For a moment, Jacob’s vision went dark. That had been when he had impacted the ground with the back of his head, and closed his eyes. He opened them. Then, it went red. With fury!!

That rat! What was he doing? What was he thinking? He didn’t hardly notice the gun hover situation. Or the bat babies. Just focused on the guy himself. Furious.

Mad. He was so mad. That—
Bonk.

He went from mad, and seeing red, back to seeing black, and unconscious. Joy.

—

The bat babies watched the whole encounter. Gurgle laughed. Then reevaluated. Their prey now had a projectile weapon. This boded well not at all! They fluttered off to plan their next assault, and— vanished.

—

Back on the Tez front...

Tez had said something witty about blood types. Hezekiah had replied with something. It didn’t really matter what he had said. In the moment, it had been good. Possibly scathing. But Tez had probably been more interested in his massive beverage than in what the man had actually said. Which was a shame. If he’d been listening, he might’ve actually gotten a laugh out of it. Oh well!

Slurp.

When Tez actually finished his cocoa, it was a certainty he’d have to go like a racehorse. But for now.... slurp. Speaking of racehorses.

Zek, having realized he was basically alone, and cackling to himself at imagined delights... he summoned a friend. Was it a human friend? Nay.

He did some horse whisperer stuff that would have made a certain special someone at the mansion mildly impressed. Then he did some stuff that would have made her roll her eyes. That accomplished, he ‘hi ho silver’ away’ed.

It didn’t take long for him to reach the woods. He arrived shortly after Elliott and the girls. Immediately, he found the going much harder, due to roots and trees. Horses are large animals with delicate legs. Traveling at full tilt through a forest... the horse wasn’t all that thrilled with the prospect.

It let out a loud neigh.

Elliott spun, 200 feet away.

“Oh s%^#! It’s Tez. And he brought a ... a horse. Jesus Chrysler building. How gauche is he?” Or had he meant to say gaudy? Garish? Guileless? Galoshes?

Gosh!

Bella said some very unladylike things about Tez and what he could do with his horse, then self consciously glanced junipers way snd said “not literally, of course. That would be weird.”

—

Back with Eisen, he had probably made it about halfway to the forest snd the rest of the group by now. On foot, he would have been slower than Tez and that horse. Probably traveling at an angle that has kept them from running into each other. Which was good, because they both had guns.

Where was everyone, he was likely thinking. Where is the British man, the weird bat things? Anyone?

Well we will get to those questions shortly. As he was moving away from the house and towards the horse... we cut to Smithers, walking through his mansion, covered head to boots in guns and ammunition sashes and belts with compartments and pockets enough to make a grown woman weep.

He looked up, in his entrance hall. Noted the now absent chandelier. In a very posh, highly British voice, he noted “Oh motherf#^%##r.”

He continued, out the door. Noted the holes in his ceiling, and his roof. Said some more things, more coarse and salty. Saw the unconscious Jacob on the ground. Sighed.

No doubt, he was the cause of all this property damage. Well. Now he was out of the fight.

A low rumble cut through the silence of the snow-covered grounds. He looked down at the downed man, thoughtfully. Then, he smiled to himself. A thing had been decided.

“First blood,” he muttered. Looming over the fallen man. And— fade the screen to black.

Another jump cut. Oh yay!

Lesse! The main body of the party was busy with the horse and Tez. The result? Uncertain. And Eisen was separate. Working on reforming the split party. Would he succeed? Or would something happen the hit pause on that whole thing? We can save you all some trouble and answer decisively. He got stopped.

The bat babies fluttered down in front of him. One was on his right, one his left, and one dead ahead. Cutting him off. A laugh like rocks being gargled. They held up clawed hands. Clawed hands that dripped vibrant green.

“Alllll alllooone.” They trailed, in triplicate. “Neverrr splittt the party. It always ends well. For the monsters.” They licked their lips. Then, they attacked!!

Would Eisen win? Or would the monsters feast! Only time would tell. He had a shotgun, it is fun to note. And that did give him some edge. Though those claws.... what WAS up with those claws?

Well, Eisen? What’s your move?

Huh.

That hadn't been a no explicitly. Juniper squinted but dropped it. Cleary there were bigger things to focus on right now than the obvious weird roleplay fetish thing going on between the starcrossed lovers who were in a probably real scuffle.

She blinked at Elliott for his plan. Hope the fence? wouldn't that defeat the purpose of the game? "Isn't that like, cheating? Hiding outside the bounds or whatever?" Then again, she wasn't sure how this game was supposed to be played other than hide or fight. She'd never really played hide and seek with any other kids her age when she had been young enough to want to play.

She didn't have to worry about it for long though because with a loud NEIGH of greeting Zek re-appeared atop a glorious steed, and she slowed her run. "Hey, Zek! You found us!" She waved the best she could with her floaty still in her hands.

"Cool horse! Can I pet it?"

Elliott and Bella seemed to take his appearance differently than she did, which was weird. Like, Woah, Bella really went after him with a slew of comments that even had Juniper a bit wide-eyed toward the end. Bella glanced her way and Juni nodded robotically.

"Sure, sure. I hope so cuz I'm pretty sure a lot of that is illegal in like... every state." She reached out to give the woman an awkward pat on one shoulder.

"So you joining us? Or did you win already?" She wouldn't have been all that surprised. He had a natural ability to just vanish people into wherever the balls of light went, so she could easily imagine him clearing Smithy and the baby trio, and creeper-Jacob away.

She headed for the horse to give it scratches. It had been a while since she'd seen one! Not since that time she'd been snowed in on that ranch with all those cowboys! Goodtimes.

Eisen huffed and he puffed and he realized he was less fit than he wanted to be. There was still light in the sky, meaning there was still so much more time to stay and avoid capture or death. He slowed down his pace, looking back every so often to see if he was followed, but he grew tired of that and kept running.

Was it a good idea to reunite with the others? Eisen thought he saw a horse running ahead of him in the direction of his compatriots who chose to flee.

Maybe he’d be more useful back at the mansion. He could sabotage the facilities, or even stumble upon some secret camera room that surveyed the whole property. His stomach rumbled and he grew hangry, beginning to curse at the air around him, at the grass, at the pair of pants he swapped out for his neon that were actually itchy and uncomfortable.

In his hanger, he didn’t notice the sound of wings creeping up upon him until it was too late.

>>The bat babies fluttered down in front of him. One was on his right, one his left, and one dead ahead. Cutting him off. A laugh like rocks being gargled. They held up clawed hands. Clawed hands that dripped vibrant green.

He stopped in his tracks, holding the gun and trembling, almost tripping. He realized he’d never really pointed a gun at anyone or anything with the intent to kill. Now, it was thrust upon him. He did what he knew best and froze in his spot.

>>“Alllll alllooone.” They trailed, in triplicate. “Neverrr splittt the party. It always ends well. For the monsters.” They licked their lips. Then, they attacked!!

Eisen shot at one of them, tearing off a wing, which caused it to spiral down to the ground. That was his only shot. He didn’t even get a combo. The others aimed at his face. No, please noo!! Eisen brought the shotgun up to defend his beautiful face and the green claws, four of them, pierced his coat and both of his arms.

“Fuuuudge!!” They stung like knives and the green poison in the claws made him begin to puke almost instantly. No wait, they only made him think he wanted to puke. But there was nothing to puke. He retched as he swung the shotgun like a bat in one last final attempt. He hit one of them, enough to stun it for a moment.

“Howwwww daaaare yyyyyou!!!” The one cried as his two triplets fell, and he continued to scratch at Eisen.

Then Eisen dropped the shotgun and pulled off his coat, catching the bat in it while tossing the wrapped bat on the ground on top of the other. They both hissed and squirmed, but Eisen used his weight to slowly depress them. The other with its wing torn came up and scratched at his leg. Eisen kicked that one aside and once he felt the bats underneath him slow down their wriggling, he reached for the shotgun. He got up, still a little queasy and tried to find the ammo. Unable to focus well enough to reload the gun, he began to bash the butt of the shotgun into the bats under his coat.

The third one started pleading for him to stop, but Eisen tried to smash him in the head too. He decided to flee and Eisen didn't have the energy to chase after the one-winged one. 

After all was said and done, some blood splatter here and there, Eisen fell to the ground, passed out, clawmarks everywhere on him. Even some on his beautiful face. The cold washed over him, invading his tired bones as he dreamed of Chick-fil-a milkshakes, glow stick parties and his cat Nico pouncing on his stomach.

Tez was quite surprised he had managed to find the others. He had just ridden off in their general direction and hadn’t even followed their footprints or anything. Also, once he and Mister Ed had entered the woods, they couldn’t travel in straight lines anyways and Tez wasn’t a woodsmen whatsoever. It was almost like someone else had been guiding him.

Tez didn’t spend more than a moment thinking about it. At this point he just assumed the universe wanted him and Juniper to keep encountering each other, and since it was always a good time, he didn’t bother trying to analyze or change it.

“Oh hey, Juju!” Tez said with a wave of his riding crop. And then the witch started cursing him. Or cursing at him? No, he was pretty sure she was trying to curse him since she kept mentioning various body parts and stuff which basically sounded like a messed-up spell.

When she finished he blinked at her owlishly and then glanced around. Huh. No pentagrams or demons or whatever were appearing. He figured he was safe. “And a pox on you as well,” he said brightly, before turning his attention to more important people.

“You can pet him if you want,” Tez told Juniper as he shrugged again. “But maybe don’t? Like, I actually decided to join the hunters so I don’t want you guys to make this too easy on me. So if you pet the horse it’ll be super easy for me to tag you and then you’re out of the game.”

Then a brilliant idea hit him. “Oh! You guys should let me tag you all real quick so we can get the pool party started!” He smiled and nudged Mister Ed with his knees. The horse slowly trotted forward and Tez leaned over to try and touch Juniper’s shoulder.

Eisen’s move was... pretty good! Yeah! That is play of the game material. And the way he shouted fudge really cemented his place in the badass brigade. Such a shame he passed out after all of that. Someone needed to wake him up. But who?

—

Meanwhile, back at the ranch.

>> "Isn't that like, cheating? Hiding outside the bounds or whatever?" miss Juniper said.

Elliott arched his hairless eyebrows.

“What? You think I would cheat. Yes. It is. And I would. Eh.” He shrugged.

He didn’t look to see if she shrugged. He just assumed they all shrugged. Bella shrugged for sure, yeah? He thought he’d seen her out of the corner of his eye, agreeing it was better to cheat than to be dead.

They did not dwell on whether cheating was okay or not (though bella was familiar with cheating, so. Totally in her wheelhouse). Tez arrived!

Juniper did not seem on the same page as the other two. Had she received the script?

Tez seemed happy to see Juniper. Then he talked about joining the baddies and tagging them. Elliott had no idea what that was all about, but he did not like it.

“Look. I don’t want a fight but—“ In the distance, gunfire cracked. He spun to face in the direction from which it had come. Taken aback, he said “ l hope that was one of our guys kicking ass and taking names, and not one of you hunters...”

Bella sighed. “Today could be over any time now...”

—

Yes. It could. Smithers kept plodding, slowly, steadily. Taking his time. But there was a smile on his face.

She didn't shrug. She did stick her tongue out at him because she was absolutely still that much of a child in a lot of ways. They could cheat if they wanted, but she hadn't ever been able to play games like this when she was younger. She would absolutely not be cheating! She did that enough in like, every other aspect of her life, anyway!

And then Zek was there, and he said she could pet his horse, but then said she shouldn't. She ended up standing there awkwardly with her hand out, fingers wiggling because she really wanted to .

"Whaaaat? We could have joined the hunters? No way! Why would anyone want to be the hunted, then?"

He came up with the MOST brilliant plan ever, which she absolutely agreed with. "YES. POOL PARTY!" He inched forward, she sprang with as much gusto as she could muster right into his reaching hand. A pool party was much more fun than tromping through the woods, anyway. They had enough people to play Marco Polo!

... And then a shot rang out from back the way they had come, back toward the house. One she recognized.

Why... was someone using a shotgun? Did they make Nerf guns that sounded like that? Maybe a gun with blanks?

That didn't make any damn sense.

Juniper, who had turned to look at Elliot and Bella as they dropped even more questionable comments. She blinked.

Whelp.

Juniper left the group, sprinting away at full speed through trees and foliage alike and abandoning her pool inflatable beside Zek's horse. Speedo-man Eisen, who had all of the glowsticks for the rave, was still missing from the group. Had he joined the hunters as well? If so... who was shooting at who?

It didn't take her long to find him, and she didn't like what she saw. Glowstick guy was there, looking like he had been mauled, and there were spatters of blood all around. She spotted the shotgun, recognized it as being real... almost the same model her daddy had back home, and suddenly felt like there was a lot less fun to be had.

Damnit, why did dip@#$&'s have to ruin her fun all the time by being as$holes?

"Hey." She squatted and patted at Eisen's face gently, before giving up and deciding to just hoist him up, fully phased, onto her shoulder.

She used a toe to peek at the mess under his coat, cringed, and grabbed the empty, blood-soaked gun.

It was a hurried, quiet sprint back. She didn't like having to think about these kinds of things.

She emerged from the bushed with a frown on her face, a bloody gun in one hand, and Eisen prone over the other shoulder.

"... Triplets are dead, probably. I didn't stick around to check. Looks like they scratched the @#$% out of Glowsticks."

She went to set him down, as carefully as she was able, and pulled her power away once he was settled.

"... I don't know how to... fix all that. Is he gonna die?"

The gun in her hands fell into chunks as she selectively phased off different parts, rendering it useless.

With a sigh, she kicked her flipflops off, visibly annoyed, and linked her fingers to stretch them, cracking her knuckles in the process.

"You want the Zebra floaty too, Zek?" She looked for it- it was already gone. Heh.

"I'm gonna go find some people and kick some asses."

"Wh-...what? But they have guns! Lots of guns! And Jacob-!" Bella piped up, still hiding over by Elliott.

"Don't care. They can't hurt me... but I can hurt them."

Eisen felt colder, colder and colder until he felt warm hands lift him up and his body feel really weird. So weird in fact, that he thought he was in a jacuzzi or something. He almost felt like he was flying, but then the cold overcame him again and the pain ebbed and flowed.

Moments later, he woke up briefly. He no longer felt the need to puke all of his insides, but the pain on his arms and his beautiful but scratched face was all numb and throbbing. Yet, he could vaguely understand that there were people surrounding him.

“Agh! Don’t shoot. Don’t shoo…” His teeth clacked as he shivered more. Would that he could bury himself in a bundle of blankets, he’d feel so much better.

“Cold…” Eisen moaned, still in a daze. He recognized the blondie from earlier but then imagined seeing a horse. Yep he thought to himself. I’m dying. Eisen felt calmer than he thought he would at the idea of dying at some random rich person’s estate after being clawed at by bats and shivering to death, but then again, he hadn’t really known what death was like, so he withheld his judgment. At least he didn’t die by kitty claws and spite.

“Is it party time, yet?” Were his final words. Eisen thought they were pretty good final words before he fell asleep again, due to his body trying to conserve its energy.

A gunshot spooked Juniper and Mister Ed both and Tez lost his chance to tag her because now he was trying to calm the horse down. “Whoa, boy! Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Mister Ed semi-reared up and back away in the snow before realizing that things weren’t too bad and the gunshot had been kinda far away.

But by then Juniper was gone. And she’d left her zebra behind. Tez glanced at it. Then at the other two people. “Well, don’t everyone move at once,” he said with a roll of his eyes. Seriously. Littering the forest and not trying to pick up after people? Zek dropped a ball of light on the floatie and it flashed away. Now he had both of Juniper’s floaties and he was just realizing that he was now storing most of her stuff.

Well played, Juni. Well played. She was gonna owe him another ice cream cone.

“So,” he said to the greenster and the witch. “Who’s up for getting tagged?” He held his hand out and nudged Mister Ed forward. “It’s freakin’ freezing out here. I want some indoor heated pools.”

And then Juniper was back. With a body. Oh, wait, it was Pantsless guy, except he clearly had pants. Didn’t look like he had a lot of blood left, though, unless he’d fought off a wild marinara beast. Or maybe Juniper had. He sniffed in disgust. Such a waste, all that marinara sauce going everywhere but in a mouth. Disgraceful.

Oh, and something about maybe dying. “Well that’s no good,” Zek said from atop his high horse. “If he dies, we’ll have to call the cops or something and the pool party will probably get cancelled. Besides, he’s already been tagged by the looks of it so he’s already out of the game. Let me get him real quick.”

Zek made the floaties appear and then sucked them into a single pocket dimension, freeing up his sixth ball, which he then underhanded at Speedobutt. The guy vanished, wounds and all.

“Kinda weird how hardcore they’re playing tag, huh?” Zek said as he stuck the riding crop down the back of his riding jacket to scratch at an itch. He glanced at the gun bits Juniper had made. “Like, who brings guns? I feel like they’ve severely misunderstood how to play.” Beat. “Also, I’m counting that as tagging him so you’d all like to line up I can tag you all easy-peasy and then we can get this pool party started, m’kay?”

He stopped scratching and pulled his crop out of his jacket and then swished it through the air. “Alright! Form up! Make a line! Stick your hand out. I’m coming through!” He held his hand out again and nudged Mister Ed to start walking toward the green guy.

So much happened so suddenly. Juniper girl was there, then gone. Then back again. During her absence, Tez once more spoke about tag. He made a pool floaty vanish, then reappear with its brother a minute or two later, when the blonde had returned.

Elliott did not know what to make of Tez. He was not actively trying to shoot them. Juniper seemed comfortable around him. He had a plan that, seemingly, was an out? A way to get out of the whole situation? Involving, what, tag? Vanishing?

Elliott did not want him to vanish. He kept his distance, with Bella at his side.

“I don’t really trust you, yet... sorry.” He said. He wasn’t sorry. It just felt like something to say.

Bella nodded.

Tez probably thought the whole thing was tiresome.

On junipers return, she spoke about dead triplets and injured glow sticks. The boy from before was hurt. Hurt badly. Elliott cursed.

If only he had brought some first aid stuff. Though why he would, he did not know.

The boy was not dead yet. He muttered some stuff, clearly out of it. Juniper and Tez spoke briefly. Elliott shook his head at Tex’s cavalier attitude towards death and calling the cops.

“They’re actively trying to kill us,” Elliott stated.

Then Tez made the guy vanish. Like. Wow. Elliott would have questions about that, later. For now, Tez/ Zek was back to volunteering to vanish them. Then, he told them to form up, and a British voice cut in.

“My dear boy. That would be cheating.”

It was Smithers. Freaking Smithers. Elliott sighed. The man stepped forward, gun still slung over one shoulder. There was marinara all over his mouth and chin.

Bella covered her mouth. “Oh god.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Elliott said. Then, he stalked forward, straight up to Zek. “I don’t care if it is cheating. I’m not fighting a vampire. Tag me.” He stuck out one hand. Bella followed suit, placing her hand on top of his.

Smithers sighed.

At this point, Elliott cared more about getting out of this and getting glow sticks medical attention than he did about having a flashy fight with a British gent.

She didn't have any sleeves to roll up out of the way for once, so she was just gonna go marching off back toward the mansion bare-armed instead. Zek distracted her long enough for her to stick around though, if only for a moment. She hopped up to high-five Zek as he passed and officially tag herself out... though she wasn't sure why because she was still pretty set on shaking some answers out of someone for the attack on Eisen.

And then, out of thin air, Smithers appeared. Blood all over his face. She didn't go much further than just connecting the dots to her poor rave buddies wounds.

Green man and vampire-romance-book lady put their hands in to tag out, and Juniper charged past them at the older man. She wasn't really sure what she was gonna do when she got to him. Like... pick him up and yeet him? Would he break a hip?

... Phase him into a tree and demand answers and the pool room key?

Throat punch?

She'd gotten better at throat punches recently.

Probably best to get that gun away from him first, since it was the real deal and all.

Juniper closed in and shifted her gaze from the weapon to his face, locked eyes with him as she pumped herself up to like... make a grab for him or whatever and-


...

Suddenly staggered to a stop.

The forest around her faded and tunneled away into fuzzy black, and all of the sound muted.

"I can't decide if you are a complete imbecile for dressing like that this time of year, and for a hunt no less... of if there is something yet undiscovered driving such an odd choice."

She could hear him perfectly fine, which was weird because it felt like she had cotton in her ears.

She was also keenly aware of how she could feel her own heart frantically beating but wasn't really sure why. What had she just been doing?

She wasn't quite close enough for him to reach out and touch her, nor did he make any move to, but he did un-sling his gun and get it settled in his arms.

It happened so quickly. One moment she was running at him, the next she was standing like she'd been rooted to the ground, unable to move and growing fully aware of it.

"Good thing this... game... doesn't involve tagging out. Though I had to admit I was certainly hoping for more of a challenge."

His finger settled on the trigger. She willed herself to move but couldn't. All she could do was watch through dazed, half-lidded eyes as he aimed the barrel directly at her chest and got ready to pull the trigger.

"Oh well, some hunts are more vigorous than others. All part of the game, my dear."