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He continued to watch Pippa as she tutted about. He had explained everything in his report and made it quite clear that it wasn’t his fault. Sometimes these kinds of things just happen and there is little you can do. So long as he wasn’t running around with his schlong out for just everyone to see on the norm, then he didn’t know what the problem was, or why Public Relations needed to be involved.

But, even though his musings, got the jist of what she was saying. Videos made it to the internet that made the organization look back. The unfortunate truth was that he did look a little like a crazy person, fighting the open air because the vampire mutant didn’t show up on recording devices. Still, he wasn’t going to let that get him down. He waited for her to finish before he spoke up.

”First of all,” he said with a deep sigh. ”I think you're over exaggerating. It's not like I was out for a brisk stroll, helicoptering to everyone for shits und giggles. I was attacked und I did what I had to do to subdue an active threat”

Maybe there was a bit of the old S.U.P.E.R. training still circling in his actions. He came from a world where the organization had a much more active and preventative presence. To see a team of S.U.P.E.R. agents tracking a mutant out in the light of day was actually lauded because they were keeping people safe. Sadly it seemed that this revised edition of his company went a little heavy on the touchy-feely aspect that he found exhausting.

Hugh then tilted his head back and looked at her even more closely. A fox-like grin stretched his lips. ”Und second, you certainly looka legal to me,” he clicked his tongue and winked before he turned back to checking his nails.

Well, for the most part it seemed like his job was done. Though, to be honest, he actually wasn’t out on a job. He had been pulled into a situation that he was forced to finish, or others were forced to finish for him. The vampire mutant had not been an assignment but once she got aggressive and went on the attack, ignoring several warnings for a S.U.P.E.R. official, she made herself an assignment.

Besides, he did the public a service. Destruction of public property, disturbing the peace, threatening innocent lives, the least she needed was to spend some time in a holding cell until she calmed down. Then again, maybe that was what she was already doing in Mr. Blue-Tongue’s pocket.

Hrm. Maybe he’d be interested in joining S.U.P.E.R. They could use a mutant with abilities like that.

But first he had to get the two to cooperate. As it turned out it seemed that his boxers were in no way coming back. Whatever weird fetish the blonde had, more power to her. He wasn’t going to judge. And the other, the guy, he seemed aloof to anything that was really being said. His insistence that they were dealing with a real vampire made things more difficult and Hugh really didn’t feel the need to continue to argue that the vampire was just a mutant.

Do so would probably only dig him deeper into this mire of madness.

At least Zek was cute. Hugh had done worse. An invitation was offered -- return the vampire to the precinct and there could be a little reward in store. At least one of which would be a view of Hugh in his silk, leopard-print boxers. If anything that alone should have been enough of a temptation.

In the end, both Juniper and Zek seemed apparently up for a show. Hugh arched a brow, eyed the two of them, and then shrugged his shoulders. ”Well, not my first threesomw,” he beamed. He then turned and waved down a taxi. As the yellow cab pulled up, he turned to the other two. ”If you both are interested in continue da conversation, please hop in. If not,” he turned back to Zek. ”get dat vampire down to da precinct. She’s going to be need to be held until all dis is cleared up. Got it?”

He then climbed into the cab. Whether they joined him or not, it didn’t matter. To be fair it didn’t really matter what happened to the vampire. Again, she wasn’t on the official S.U.P.E.R. assignment. At the end of the day, all that Hugh knew was that he needed to get home and into a change of clothes.

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

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MARCH

APRIL

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Hugh keeps tabs on a dangerous mutant and teams up with a young X-Man. (Hugh/CS)
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MAY

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JUNE

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JULY

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AUGUST

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SEPTEMBER

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OCTOBER

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NOVEMBER

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DECEMBER

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Hugh makes a couple of new friends -- in nothing but his boxers. (Juniper/Zek)
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JANUARY

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Alright. So it’s come to this. His d*** was in the breeze. Hugh didn’t know why he was even worried about that. For one reason, he didn’t have anything to worry about, being a three-legged man and all. For another and more important reason, the damned hell-woman who had been chasing him all morning had managed to tackle him and was snapping her jaws directly in front of his face. Yeah, there were more important things to worry about.

Though it was hard to remember that with gravel and asphalt digging their way into his cheeks. Damn that hurt.

Still, even in the face of such horror, Hugh didn’t panic. He was a trained soldier and a damned good one too because he managed to maintain his grip on the vampire’s wrists and planted his knee against her stomach to prevent her from getting any closer. However, at this point they were at a bit of a stalemate and eventually one of them was going to give.

For all of his bravado and stubbornness, Hugh had the unfortunately feeling that it would be him.

He ground his teeth as he pushed back against the vampire, twisting the wrists of one of her hand firmly enough that he could hear the bones grinding. But she hardly seemed to notice. Rather she hissed all the more venomously and blindly attempted to sink her teeth into whatever part of his body she could.

”Lissen cher, dis is da last warning. You calm down oya i'm going to have to make you calm down!” he shouted. But if she heard him, she made no signs she did. Rather all Hugh could wonder was how was he going to make do on his promise, and secretly hope she didn’t wrench one of her hands away to rip his acorns off.

Thankfully, it would seem that help would come from above. The weight of the vampire was lifted off of him as someone stepped in and grabbed her away. They seemed to display a ridiculous amount of strength as a petite blond pulled the woman into the air and sent her hurdling off into the crowd.

Impressive. But even that couldn’t match what happened next. Another civilian shouted as the woman was thrown in his direction. But rather than attempt to move or catch her with his arms, he produced some ball of light; light which he used to touch the woman and absorb her into yet another burst of luminescence.

Things were not going in anyway that he expected. Especially when the two interlopers began to play hot potato with his underwear.

He snorted as he stood up from the ground and marked towards them. ”Nile.com. Pack of four. You should see da leopard print. Now, if I may have dem back, please.” He then turned to the guy. ”And the mutant. What did you do to her? Is she dead?”

Ugh, Hugh was hating this morning. Which was a shame considering that everything had gone so well leading up to it. Now he was cold, he was thirsty, and he was on the run from a maddened mutant who wanted to tear him limb from limb. Curse him for being so handsome and enticing to people of all genders! It certainly got him into more trouble than he was willing to admit, but it was far too much fun to just ignore.

Oh well. As one of his ex-girlfriends, he couldn’t quite remember the name, had said (he couldn’t quite remember her name), “That **** is going to **** you in the *** one day!”

She always said such sweet things. But, yeah, it certainly seemed as if his indiscretion had gotten himself into a bit of hot water. The good thing was that Hugh Manning was fairly adept at tossing a few ice cubes into that boiling liquid. He would figure a way out of this, he just needed some distance and the time to think.

Which he didn’t have a lot of! The sound of tearing metal and vampiric roaring filled the cold air. Normally this would be the extract thing that S.U.P.E.R. would be able to handle, but Hugh was caught with his pants down -- quite literally. In nothing but his boxers, with only his wallet in his hand, there was little he had to defend himself from such an obvious threat. It seemed he was going to have to improvise.

Perfect. He loved a challenge.

The unfortunate thing was that he was going to have to deal with this angry lover soon. She had his scent and without having a dossier on the full extent of her abilities, he was going to have to wing her limits. He already had seen her display of strength back in the apartment (peak human level). She was also fast and agile. Her claws looked a little talon-like as well, plus the fangs in her mouth. And that was all just the physical stuff! That alone made her lethal. But what could he do?

Spying an opening shop, Hugh shot a glance at the sign above the door and smirked. He loved New York.

Dipping inside, he began to run through the small shop’s aisles, his eyes scanning the wares. Grabbing a few bottles from the shelves, he ignored the angry shouts of the store owners, a quintet of women, of varying skin tones, heights, but each with a thick British accent. Threats of calling the police were called but Hugh ignored them further, grabbing the last of what he needed and pouring it all into his open hand which he kept in a tight fist.

With the other he pulled out a crisp one-hundred dollars and slammed it on the counter for them. ”Excuse und thank you!”

He barely got the words out before the door slammed open and the vampiric mutant stormed inside. The brunette with the pale skin and the fierce red eyes snarled and practically frothed at the mouth as she hissed at him. She was ready to lunge but Hugh held up his hands (one open and the other closed) and started to back way, circling around her so that he managed to push his way out of the door.

”Now, now cher, calm down und let me explain,” he said carefully, pushing the door open with his back and stepping outside.

Hugh Manning, agent of S.U.P.E.R. stepped out of the Spice World spice shoppe, dressed in nothing but his boxers with a wallet hastily tucked in. One hand was open and wide, trying to signal for the near rabid mutant to hold back while the other was a closed fist. The vampire didn’t seem to notice and merely advanced carefully, ready to pounce while Hugh quickly ran his mouth.

”I can tell what you are thinking und let me be honest, it was just one night. You deserve so much better than her und she was da one who came onto me!” He explained. The vampire swiped. A crowd was gathering nearby, watching. Hugh managed to dodge out of the way but kept his eyes focused on her. ”Lissen, it was a mistake. I did not know you und her were together. I am giving you one last chance to settle, cher, oya I'm gonna have to put dat gris-gris on you! my ole granny got dat mean voodoo. You don't want that, right?”

A hiss erupted from the vampire. One that was challenging and belligerent. It seemed that she didn’t believe him and with a powerful lunge she threw himself at him. Hugh, meanwhile, seeing this suddenly threw his closed fist at her. But he wasn’t attempting to punch her, rather, his fingers opened and there was a cloud of brown, black, white, and varying colors in between. The cloud of spices floated there as the vampire passed through with open eyes and mouth while Hugh dove and rolled out of the way.

By the time he got to his feet, the vampire was hissing, crying, and clawing at the concrete. The concoction of ingredients he had thrown in her face were some of the spiciest, burniest spices that Spice World had to offer. He had effectively made his own hot pepper bomb and thrown it into the mutant’s face. Hugh was gambling that her senses were also heightened, making everything that much more painful.

That should buy him some time.

”I did warn you,” he said as he turned and ran again. This time he grabbed a person’s phone, someone who had been recording the event. As he ran, Hugh called back over his shoulder. ”Thank you for your cooperation, citizen! Your property will be returned!” Possibly. However he only had a momentary headstart as the not partially blinded and burning vampire clamoured onto his feet, caught his scent and once more gave chase.

Hugh had been celebrating. Tis the season for it, right? After successfully tracking down a mutant trafficker that was operating out of New York harbor, the agent found himself and his team in need of refreshments. The Double Rhinoceros seemed as good a place as any. One of his squadmates, Sheryl Dawson, had said that the bar wasn’t bad. The alcohol was cheap, but plentiful, and had enough variety that it was easy to get f***ed up. That checked all the criteria that Hugh had.

So the team drank into the night. Now, Hugh wouldn’t be able to recall the full events of the night, but the one he will remember is Melody.

The bar had an amateur stripclub feature on the weekends and, to Hugh’s luck, that night just happened to be a Saturday night. Ooooh, she was gorgeous. Melody was only a little younger than him, early-twenties at most, with a killer body and a mane of beautiful red hair. Her off-colored eyes were probably the most striking thing about him, making the soldier absolute putty in her hands whenever she happened to look his way. It was no wonder he spent half the night chatting her up.

Eventually his squadmates drifted off, having early calls the next day or plans with family. Hugh, meanwhile, had his schedule completely open. So when a half-drunk Melody whispered into a full-on drunk Hugh’s ear that they should go back to her place, he was all for it.

Now, the rest was a blur. But as the crack of dawn began to shine onto the eyes of the disgruntled soldier, he found himself practically hissing at the intrusion. It was several moments of him trying to hide from the sun before he realized that his apartment didn’t have that great a view of it. So...where the hell was he?

Hugh awoke with a groan, rubbing the sand from his eyes. As one eye fluttered open, he gazed at the bedsheets in disarray and noted the scent of coffee in the air. He looked to his side and noted the other side of the strange bed was empty and there were the tell-tale sounds of bare feet on linoleum echoing from a kitchenette just outside the door.

A slight groan escaped his lips as he climbed out of bed. The jingle of his dog tags echoed like a thunderclap in his ears and he found himself reaching the back of his next to rub out some lingering soreness from the fight last night. It was as he was surveying the room that he noted two things: 1.) his boxers (smeared with lipstick) were half-draped over an armchair, and 2.) he spotted the familiar preppy schoolgirl uniform that the stripper, Melody, was wearing last night.

It was all coming back to him now.

Smiling slyly, Hugh stood up and grabbed his boxers from the nearby chair. He was about to slip them on when a wicked thought crossed his mind. He did have the day off. And if Melody was so keen on keeping him around with the enticing scent of coffee, why should he deny her the pleasure of his company?

”Mm Mm Mmm, cher…” he called out affectionately. ”That sure do smell good.” His heavily accented voice lifted through the halls of the apartment.

However, he barely heard a giggle in response before the sounds of a door being opened. There was a gasp, the rushing of feet, and the sound of another set of feet entering the apartment. Hugh barely registered this in time to stop, but it would be far too late to do any good. There he was, standing in the entrance to the hallway, looking at the living room and the kitchenette.

The apartment was nicer than he remembered. Still a little simple but fairly well put together. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the dancer, Melody, standing in naught but an apron, holding a mug of coffee. Her gaze, the same as his, was plastered on the second person in the room. A woman with short dark hair, a pale complexion, and dressed as if she wore the night around her; her gaze was elsewhere. Hugh could feel those fierce, red eyes boring a hole directly down where the sun don’t shine, in the place that he slowly began to covered with his unworn boxers.

“Um...babe?” Melody started to say.

Hugh watched. Then smirked. ”Oh. Oooohh.” he nodded. ”That’s...pretty hot actually.”

Maybe it was something he said. Hugh had a way of pissing off mutants and it seemed to be a talent that followed him from the alternate universe he had come from. The dark-haired mutant roared and practically flew at him, causing the soldier to turn and run back down the hall and into the room that he had just exited from. He barely slammed and locked the door in time to stop the marauding mutant who clawed and pounded at the barrier. It was just enough time for Hugh to grab his wallet and shoes.

Sadly that was it for the time that was afforded to him. The door splintered and, despite the fact that he was a S.U.P.E.R. agent, he was clearly in the wrong here. Making a made dash for the window, Hugh pulled it up and immediately climbed out. The cold, winter air snapped at his bare ass like a bullwhip and nearly caused him to yelp, but he didn’t stop.

Never had Hugh climbed so carefully and so quickly down a chilly, metal ladder, but he did it, and as soon as his bare feet hit the pavement, he was on the run. Past whichever unfortunate onlookers, ignoring all looks and gasps of surprise. Of course, that didn’t stop him from offering a cheeky wink to a blushing blonde on the sidewalk. But there was no time to stop and chat. Distance. He needed distance between himself and that vampire mutant that he was definitely going to look into just in case she was a public menace.

It was doubtful, but considering he was running through New York City in nothing but a set of dog tags, he was willing to be a little petty.

Finally, lungs burning, Hugh slowed just enough to slip on his boxers. Sadly, in his attempts to run and cloth himself at the same time, he looked away just long enough to accidentally throw himself into someone who just happened to be in his way.

THUD!!

The impact was hard. Flesh meeting flesh. It was no wonder they both collided to the ground and Hugh, already winded, found himself taking a moment to catch his breath.

”Ugh,” he groaned. ”I didn’t even get to have coffee yet.”