That was the terrifying part for Lee. Big cities were worse, but Lee needed to be around people. If she wasn't in a relationship, if she wasn't with someone she trusted who she could depend on for energy, Lee needed to be around a lot of people. That was why she had gone to Toronto. Why she had come to be York.

But on the other side of the rift, that survival choice would have put her in more danger.

Tarin was claiming that it hadn't been that bad, that dangerous for everyone. Maybe it hadn't been. But things had definitely been bad for him growing up, whether he had known it at the time or not.

"The 'lessons' were drilled into you too well. Starting too young," Lee said softly before turning back to Rachel. "Which is another reason why this whole thing scares him as much as it does."

Rachel was frowning at this point. "But Lee, if it was really that dangerous there, learning not to use your powers in public must have been a good thing."

Lee shook her head. "No. I have…very resolute opinions on the people who trained Tarin. The ends do not always justify the means."

Tarin nodded when Lee pointed out that it had all been drilled into him to well and too young. She never left any room for interpretation there. Lee always made sure he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that what had happened to him had not been okay or necessary. Acknowledging that was hard sometimes because, like Rachel was saying, learning not to use his powers in public had been important.

Lee spoke again in response to Rachel’s statement and Tarin had to smile just a little bit at the way Lee phrased her opinions of the leadership in the group that Tarin had grown up a part of. It was a bit of an understatement.

But she was right.

”She’s trying to spare me sharing the details.” Tarin said, feeling more and more like this really was the ticket to getting and keeping Rachel off the scent of the real reason he’d panicked before…and that was better for everyone, Rachel included.

”And I can’t talk about most of it, but I ended up with a group that preyed on kids who were on their own in the city. They trained us as a form of control…it was pretty brutal and the training and the consequences for failure were really extreme.” he said.

“So…sometimes when things happen, I react like I would have before I came here before I even know what I’m doing. Like Lee said, we’re working on it. Together, and in therapy and all of that.”

That would be enough, right? If Rachel wanted to know more, Lee could tell her when they hung out, Tarin supposed. He trusted Lee’s judgement on what to say

Tarin told Rachel more about his early years in New York than she ever thought he would.

Squeezing Tarin's hand that she was still holding, Lee watched Rachel for her reaction.

Which was just as shocked and horrified as Lee was expecting her to be. Even though Lee was sure that Rachel really had no clue just how brutal the training and consequences had been.

"Oh my god! How could they have been allowed to do that?"

"Rach, there was no 'allowing' anything," Lee replied. "The whole reason the group formed to start with was not just the desire, but the necessity of avoiding notice from authorities. And when you're young and alone like that, you'll do almost anything to find people and a place that appears safe."

"They're just lucky none of them made it here…" Lee finished muttering under her breath.

Rachel reacted as expected and the differences in their lives was once again so stark that it almost seemed like Rachel was the one from another universe. Their specific experiences had been different, but Tarin knew that he and Lee could relate about how things had been for them growing up.

The world hadn’t been a safe place, mistakes had had massive consequences. Lee squeezed his hand and Tarin squeezed her hand back.

Rachel’s shock brought it into sharp focus once again just how hard it must have been for Lee.

“New York is cold in the winter, Rachel. When you’re too young to work, or rent a room you realize really quickly that you need people.” And that you should have stayed home…

”Once you’re warm and safer you realize what could have happened and you’ll do and tolerate almost anything to stay. Once you’re in, you can’t leave because then you’re on your own again and if you get picked up everyone is in danger.

Maybe Rachel would understand that? Maybe he was removed enough from the situation to talk about it in a way that wasn’t hurtful to Lee to try and explain?