Nobody could help what they thought. Somehow that didn’t make Tarin feel any better, neither did the fact that Lee said she thought lots of things she didn’t say too.

”But most people can control what they say…” he said. ”What other people hear…” Tarin said, looking down at where Lee was holding his hand.

It had happened again? It had to have happened again because Lee was responding to something he hadn’t said. Again.

Maybe his powers were growing? At this point? At his age? Somehow that was far worse than there being some kind of fluke causing what was going on. Somehow that was even worse than the idea that he had somehow broken himself with what he had done the night before. If this was his powers growing did that mean it was going to get worse? That this was never going to stop? Lee was smiling, but Tarin didn’t know how to respond to that.

”I don’t want more powers. I’ve spent decades trying to deal with the ones I’ve got. I’m good at the ones I’ve got…”

If I’m not good at controlling my powers…what am I good at?

Lee's frown deepened ever so slightly when Tarin pointed out that most people could control what thoughts made it out of their mind for others to hear. That was true, very true.

But if this was a power growth that was letting him send thoughts to her telepathically, he already had some control, because he clearly wasn't sending her every thought in his head.

Somehow, Lee thought that would be of little comfort at the moment.

"Of course you're good with the powers you have, Tarin," Lee pointed out gently. "You've worked hard, over years, to BE good with them. And you will get to be good with this. I have zero doubt of that. It's just going to take a bit of time."

Of course he had worked hard over years to be good at his powers. For years that had been the vast majority of his personality and existence. Having control over what he felt, what he did, what he could do was a huge part of who he was as a person…whether he wanted it to be or not.

The more this…whatever this was…sunk in, the more unmoored Tarin felt. What if he couldn’t get this under control? What if the only reason he actually was good at what he did with his existing powers was because he had been forced to be that way.

Lee had zero doubts, but Tarin had a million.

He didn’t trust himself. But he trusted her.

Closing his eyes for a second and taking a deep breath to calm his frayed nerves and let his headache ebb for a few moments, Tarin did his best to look within and see if he could sense anything different. There was nothing discernible, not yet.

”I’m not used to trial and error.” Tarin said finally, ”I’ve never…practiced under normal circumstances with low stakes. I might not be very good at this.” he said.

Finally looking over to Lee, Tarin sighed, ”You’re going to have to be patient with me.” hating that he had to ask.

Tarin was tense, worried, frustrated. Everything about how he was sitting, how he was holding himself, how he was silent with all of this going on told Lee that. Others may have just thought Tarin was thinking but Lee knew better.

Listening as Tarin spoke, Lee nodded. "I suppose that it is possible you won't be good at figuring it out," Lee allowed. "But I do know that you will figure it out, Tarin."

Tarin finally looked back up at her as he asked her to be patient. Lee shook her head as she looked back at Tarin. "You don't even have to ask," Lee said before leaning in to give him a kiss.

Lee said it might be possible that he’d be bad at figuring out this new thing…Tarin thought that was more likely than not.

”I wish I had your confidence in me…” Tarin said, but he said it with a slight smile. It was difficult to keep being morose and defeatist when Lee seemed so sure that he was going to handle things just fine.

Of course he hadn’t had to ask. For some reason Lee seemed to have infinite patience for him and Tarin smiled even more easily as she leaned in to give him a kiss.

Sighing as she pulled back and sinking back into the couch cushions, Tarin slowly started to relax again as the previous tension dissipated.

”I guess the place to start is figuring out how and why it happens…” he said, running his hand through his hair, then smoothing it back down…a thought occurred to Tarin and he frowned a little thoughtfully as he looked over at Lee again.

”Do you think it’s just you?” he asked, ”I wouldn’t even know how to start trying to figure it out…”

If it was, that was just another layer of discomfort, if it wasn’t…how was he going to go into public? How could he work? What if those people came back to the shop?

Nope.

There was no point in spiraling before he knew it was a thing.

"Me too," Lee murmured. "Because you will figure this all out, so you should be confident about doing so."

At least Tarin seemed to finally be starting to relax a bit. That was very good. Lee knew that him being tense and worried like he had been was only likely to make things worse.

When Tarin sighed and leaned back against the couch, Lee shifted to get more comfortable as well, but did not let go of his hand.

Tarin suggested a good starting place, and Lee nodded in agreement. That definitely made sense. "Maybe it's stress?" Lee suggested. "I mean, last night definitely was. But I haven't heard anything since you made yourself calm down."

"Do you think it’s just you?”

Shit. That was a very good, very essential question. Especially with what had happened when Tarin had just gotten home last night. If he sent the wrong thought to the wrong person, that could be very bad.

"I," Lee started slowly. "I'm really not sure…"

But how in the world were they even going to try to figure that out without that risk? One thought about Anton, or the previous spring, could bring attention. And police.

"Rachel?" Lee asked in a whisper as she looked over at Tarin. "I mean, she already knows more than anyone else…"

Stress? Maybe it was stress. Tarin thought back to each time that they knew for sure that he’d managed to broadcast his thoughts.

The first time…when he’d just walked in the door had definitely been stressed out.

Everything that had happened after that had been pretty stressful too.

But when they’d been laying in bed later in the night? He hadn’t been stressed then…at least not compared to what he’d been when he’d first gotten home.

Tarin couldn’t think of anything else it could be. Not at the moment.

Lee had a point though, since he had calmed down she hadn’t heard anything. That meant he could potentially control this.

The next problem Tarin asked was a problem though. Even as he had started to calm himself down, Lee affirmed his fears a bit. If it wasn’t just Lee who could catch the seemingly random thoughts he was broadcasting, that could be dangerous in more than one way to more than one person.

They needed to find out…but who?

Rachel? Tarin’s eyes widened slightly at the suggestion and he took a deep breath. Rachel did know more than everyone else but she didn’t know nearly the extent of what had happened in the spring and she absolutely didn’t know about what had happened last night. ”She doesn’t know everything…” he said, trying to give the idea a chance in his mind.

A few moments later Tarin didn’t know…not with the way Lee’s sister had reacted to the reevaluations about Lee and the things that Lee had done in her own past. All of that had been borderline heroic as far as Lee’s part had been concerned.

”How much could she handle?” Tarin said, equally quiet. ”I can try not to think about things…but what if….?” He was trying to stay calm, but he could feel his heart rate trying to ramp up again.

I should leave…It’s not safe The thought was unbidden, and utterly ridiculous and absolutely not something he was going to do, but now Tarin was paranoid. Had that gone through?

”If you heard that…It’s not gonna happen…” he said, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to breathe.

Tarin was obviously and understandably surprised when she suggested her sister so they could try to figure out whether it was only her who could hear Tarin's thoughts like had been happening, or if it was more than just her.

And no, Rachel did not know everything. But Rachel knew more than Tarin thought she did.

"You're right, she doesn't know everything," Lee agreed with Tarin. "About what's happened with you. But the day that the sketch was released in the paper, I showed it to her before I went to stop the merge."

"So she has known how bad things can be. What can, and has, happened in the past."

Then Lee heard Tarin again, but this time she knew it was one of his thoughts even without seeing that his mouth hadn't opened or him telling her that he hadn't said anything. Lee knew, because from the moment his panic after the merge in the spring had ended and she had convinced him to stay, that it was not only safe but a good idea for him to stay, he had been in. And that was before feelings had developed. Before they had fallen in love.

"Good. Because you don't need to," she told him, giving his hand a squeeze.

Rachel didn’t know everything. The confirmation made Tarin think that it was a bad idea to loop her in. The more people who knew what had happened, the more people would be in trouble if everything came out. The more people who knew what had happened, the more opportunities there were for someone to let something slip.

This was a little paranoid…there was no guarantee that he would think something incriminating even if they did bring Rachel in. But what if they didn’t prepare her for what she might hear and then it happened? What if Rachel panicked?

Panicked like Tarin was doing a bit right now. Lee still had his hand though, and she had heard what he thought and she responded with exactly what he needed to hear…again. Squeezing Lee’s hand back, Tarin looked over at her, ”I know…” he said, ”I know…”

A few slow, deep breaths and Tarin could think again. Tomorrow was Sunday and then he was supposed to work. Work for the whole week that was almost fully booked with appointments. They had to figure this out.

”Rachel is probably the best option.” he said. ”She won’t tell Matt?”

Lee smiled at Tarin when he told her that he knew he didn't have to leave. Thoughts were one thing, you couldn't control them. It was very good that Tarink new he didn't have to leave because it wasn't 'safe' with him there. Because not only did Lee not think that was true, that his simple presence was dangerous in any way, but Lee didn't think him leaving wold help matters if things were to somehow go very wrong.

And while Rachel's personality made it seem like a very bad idea to let her know anything potentially incriminating, Lee actually did feel safe letting her in on this, using her to try and figure out more about this apparent new power of Tarin's. Because, when it had actually mattered, when it had been something that really needed to be kept secret, Rachel had proved over the years to be reliable for that.

"I had expected her to tell Matt about the folder," Lee pointed out. "But apparently she didn't tell him a thing. So I think it'll be the same and she won't tell him anything."

Rachel hadn’t told Matt anything about the folder. Tarin had forgotten that in his worry about everything that was going on. Rachel had also told Robert very little about the same folder and had instead encouraged him to talk to Lee.

Tarin didn’t think Rachel would encourage Robert to talk to him, that never ended well in the best of circumstances let alone with something like this.

Still. Lee had an excellent point and Tarin nodded slowly, running his hand through his hair again, ”I’m going to need to buy stock in whatever company makes the headache medicine I’ve been taking. I’ve got a feeling I’m going to need a lot of it…”

Now that they’d decided who they were going to rope in for help, Tarin was antsy, the need to figure out what was going on nagging at the back of his mind.

”When do we want to do this?” he said finally glancing over at Lee again, ”And what are we going to do if it’s not just you?”

Tarin nodded when Lee pointed out that Rachel hadn't told Matt about what she had done in her life. And those had been things that, while Lee wasn't eager for most of it to be widely known, it also wasn't immediately incriminating.

Not like information about the merge would be. For both of them.

"Well, hopefully this won't result in a lot, if any, headaches," Lee said hopefully. "Is your head feeling any better yet?"

They had at least somewhat of a plan now, at least to figure out who Tarin was able to send his thoughts out to be able to be heard.

"I can give her a call anytime," Lee pointed out. "Unless she's got sudden inspiration on a new design, Rachel doesn't work Sundays. So we can do this whenever you're ready to."

Tarin's other question was definitely more difficult to answer. More difficult, but at the same time easy. "We'll do the same thing if it turns out to be just me," Lee told Tarin. "We'll work on you learning control."

”Definitely better than last night. Better than when I got up too…doesn’t really hurt right now…” Tarin said, the pain pills in question seemed to be doing more than simply taking the edge off today. Today the headache was taking on that quality where Tarin knew it was still there, lurking under the surface, but it didn’t hurt at least for the moment.

Lee said they could start any time and Tarin nodded again, ”The sooner the better…” he said. They needed to know exactly what they were dealing with before they moved forward with anything.

”I’m sorry…” Tarin said again, shaking his head with a frown. ”You've barely had any time to process or think about everything and now there’s this…just let me know if you need some space…” it was only fair, this was all a lot for Lee too.

”What a mess.”

"I'm glad," Lee said, leaning her head against Tarin's shoulder for a moment. She would have preferred for the headache to have been gone, but not hurting was a vast improvement over how he had been feeling the previous night. And just after he had woken up.

As a bonus, Lee thought that would help him deal with trying to figure this new power out.

When Tarin said that the sooner the better to get started with trying to figure this out, Lee started to lean forward to grab her phone off the table but stopped when Tarin continued to speak.

"When have I ever had the chance to process before things are finished being dealt with?" Lee asked with a slightly dark laugh. It sucked, but it did seem to be a fact in her life.

"But you don't need to apologize. It's not your fault."

Tarin was glad his head was at least marginally better too. If nothing else he could think, even if things were still a bit fuzzy around the endless like they always were when he had the kind of headache.

Lee leaned her head on his shoulder and Tarin wished for the normalcy of a regular Saturday morning…afternoon. It would have been awesome to get changed and go for a run. Or go do something together with Lee. Or do nothing with Lee.

Instead, they got to deal with all of this.

Lee laughed, but Tarin didn’t love the sound of that laugh as she reached for her phone.

“That’s something that’s supposed to be different.” he said, “And it’s definitely at least a little my fault.” he said. Tarin was the one, after all, who had left the building on a mission the night before to right a wrong 14 years in the making.

Tarin was the one who had pushed himself to the limits of what he was capable of doing.

Tarin was the one who had, directly or indirectly, killed a man and stumbled his way back in the dark as a mess.

Ideally they wouldn’t be dealing with anything at all. Some things had to be dealt with though and Tarin’s teeth clenched slightly for a moment at the memory from the night before.

“I’d still do it over again though.” Lee was good enough for the both of them.