The adapted’s field was still there. Thanks to Jerry and Tony, Tarin had a few leads that he was working on following but nothing had been resolved at this point and he and Lee were still working their schedules around making sure that she wasn’t out alone. More than anything Tarin wanted to figure things out so that they could make this entire situation stop and go away because he knew, without a doubt, how much Lee hated feeling like she needed him there with her any time she was out and about.

It wasn’t personal and Tarin didn’t take it that way. This whole time he’d done everything he could to make things easier, but he understood Lee’s frustration with the whole situation.

Today was particularly aggravating because Lee’s work at the bar had taken longer than intended and they hadn’t had time to walk back home before Tarin’s next appointment. Lee wouldn’t hear of him canceling the appointment, so she was hanging out in the back of the shop while he waited for the new client to arrive. Tarin knew that Lee was, at best, uncomfortable with the spirits and that on top of the rest of the situation had him far more tense than he’d have usually been.

The client hadn’t left many details when they’d made the appointment. Just that they were hoping to find a family member. There was a whole spectrum of things that could entail and Tarin wasn’t sure if he’d end up actually working here or if this would be one of those times where he was mostly just talking about what wasn’t there. Sometimes that was simultaneously the easiest and most difficult thing he did.

The bell at the door of the shop rang and Tarin looked up to see an older couple entering the shop. That generally meant that they were looking for something or someone. People didn’t come in together and as a simple pair if they were treasure hunting and they didn’t generally have the coat of heavy grief that these two were palpably carrying with them. It was going to be one of those sessions.

”You must be Mr. And Mrs. Williams…” Tarin said, leading them in, introducing himself, and getting them seated at the table.

At the start of a first session like this, Tarin tended to explain a bit about who he was and what he did, and as he did so he could see the small spark of hope in the face of the woman as he confirmed that he could, in fact, do what he said he could do. That was worrisome. People with expectations tended to be really disappointed if they didn’t get good results.

”So…tell me more about what you’d like to do here today.” Tarin said

”We’re hoping to find some information about our daughter.” The man, Mr. Williams said, “She…she was….” The man paused for a moment and took a deep breath before continuing, “Murdered last spring. The police have done a lot, but they’ve never been able to figure out what happened to her or why.”

Last spring. Their daughter. Murdered. This was New York City. It was a harsh reality that people were killed every single day. Still. The words seemed to settle in Tarin’s stomach like rocks and he nodded his head. He couldn’t go to pieces every time a client had a situation that brought up potentially bad memories.

The man went on, talking about his daughter, what she’d like to do. Things that weren’t particularly helpful in the grand scheme of things, but then he reached into his pocket. “The police said that it was part of a cycle and they’ve never been able to figure out what the trigger was or who was responsible…but maybe you can.”

As soon as the man had mentioned a cycle, Tarin had started to internally panic. There were too many coincidences starting to line up. Too many warning signs about what was about to happen.

The man held the picture out and Tarin had to force himself to reach out and take it without letting his hand shake, but he knew before he even turned it over what he was going to see.

He knew the woman in the picture. She was one of the four.

Lee was really starting to hate having to go outside.

It had been a week since Tarin had been escorting her whenever she was outside, almost two solid weeks of feeling an adapted's field outside of the apartment building.

It made Lee feel helpless that she wasn't able to do something as simple as going outside by herself. She'd only really had this feeling of being stuck like this twice before in her life, and the first time had ended with Lee permanently leaving home.

But she was still feeling the adapted field more than often enough that she wasn't comfortable to leave the apartment on her own. So while she hated having to do it, Lee was still letting Tarin walk her there and back when she needed to do something.

Which had to be getting difficult for Tarin, too, Lee thought. Not only did he have to rearrange his schedule and take fewer clients during the day so he could walk her to the bar and back, that day Lee had run into a problem at work and things had taken longer than usual.

And while Tarin had been about to cancel so he would still be able to walk her back to the appointment, Lee had refused. This was already effecting the shop on a daily basis, Tarin didn't need to cancel more appointments.

Plus, it wasn't like this would be the first time that she had sat in the shop during a session.

So Lee sat down at the table in the back of the shop and pulled out the paperwork she had been planning on doing at home that day.

It really didn't take long, just a few minutes really, before Lee heard the bell over the door. And Tarin had wanted to cancel. Unless the client lived on that block, they had already been on their way to the shop.

Getting to work, Lee could hear the voices in the front of the shop, she tried to tune them out as she got to work.

Oh god…the man was still speaking. Tarin nodded, keeping his face as neutral as humanly possible, empathetic even to the plight that Tarin wasn’t even listening to. He tuned as much of it out as possible. Tarin couldn’t sit here and listen to this man talk about his missing daughter, holding her picture and knowing…knowing…what he knew.

It had been almost six months. Hell, he’d just been thinking the other night that it was all fading into memories, that some days he didn't even think about what had happened in April and the fact that there were people out there attached to those women and he knew what had happened to them and hadn’t, wouldn’t, and couldn’t say anything. “I’m sorry your honor…I was possessed hadn’t been seen as a fitting defense in any case Tarin had ever heard of, and probably wouldn’t now.

Tarin wanted to scream. No, he wanted to puke. No, he wanted to tell this man exactly what he wanted to know and do what he probably should have done back in April. That’s what his plan had been anyway. To make sure the cops would know what had happened and then take care of things the only way he knew how.

Only. That wasn’t really an option now. It hadn’t been for a long time for so many reasons.

So. Tarin took a deep breath and nodded just as the man said, “So, can you do it? Can you help us?”

He wasn’t actually going to try. There were limits to how much he could hide. If that specific spirit existed. If it would respond to a request…Tarin knew he couldn’t look at it.

”I can try.” he ended up saying and dammit the man and woman looked at each other and grasped hands like he was going to perform some kind of miracle.

So. Tarin did something he almost never did. He faked using his powers and sat there with his mental barriers still up, sick to his stomach, starting to sweat, and just waited for a while, eyes closed so he didn’t have to look at the people sitting at the table with him.

With his eyes closed though, all Tarin could see was the woman in the picture. All he could remember was the nightmares he still had. He was starting to come apart and he knew it.

Opening his eyes and taking a deep breath, Tarin shook his head, ”I’m so sorry….” he said, more sincerely than they could have imagined. ”There’s nothing.”

It was a special kind of torture to watch that little spark of hope that had been in the man’s face die.

As Lee sat there and began to sort out where she was going to start, Lee could hear Tarin starting the session. And though she was trying not to intrude by listening in to the session. But either Lee had forgotten how much you were able to hear when a session was going on, or the walls had gotten thinner.

And there were definite differences in how Tarin ran sessions compared to how her ex had run them. But based on how busy Tarin's schedule normally was, either his clients didn't care about the differences, or didn't know.

Trying again to push the voices out of her attention, Lee started sorting through invoices.

But as the voices continued to drift back to her, Lee became very aware of something: it wasn't actually voices now, just a voice. Tarin hadn't spoken since he had asked for more information about why the client was there.

No, Lee was not used to the way that Tarin ran sessions, but it seemed like an excessively long time for him not to say anything. Especially since it wasn't because the client wasn't giving him a chance to speak

Then some of what the client had been saying started to sink in. 'Murdered in the spring'. 'Police say it's a cycle'.

Lee's eyes widened as she strained to hear more of what was going on in the front of the shop.

The couple sat there for a few moments in stunned silence before the woman started to cry and Tarin thought he might get up and run. In all honesty he had no idea what else to do, but sit there and shake his head.

“You’re sure…that didn’t take very long…” The man started and Tarin shook his head more emphatically.

”If they’re not there they’re not there.” The man stared at Tarin for a moment and then nodded slowly.

“Maybe not her then…is there…are there other things you can do to help?”

Tarin took a deep breath and let it out, this was what he’d been afraid of, but with that woman…that Mother sitting there and crying, Tarin couldn’t just send them away. No matter how terrified…horrified…in an absolute panic he was in, if he just sent them away they could get suspicious…especially if they had talked to other people who had worked with him before.

The thought was callous and selfish and awful, but Tarin nodded slowly.

”I can ask around, but that takes more time.” he managed to say softly, knowing that ‘asking around’ would only tell him things that he already knew.

”I have your number and if I can find anything I will reach back out.” he lied, knowing that the last thing he would ever do was reach out to these people.

They needed to leave. He was starting to shake. It only took a little bit more convincing to get them to go. He hadn’t let them pay since he hadn’t been able to find anything and because that was one step too far. He’d said if there was more and it took more time they could discuss it then.

The man had shook his hand before they’d left and Tarin had nearly passed out.

As it was, when they left, Tarin just stood where they’d left him, standing at the door and standing outside with absolutely no idea what to do now. Now that they were gone it was like every single thing he’d worked so hard to hide was rushing to the surface and he was shaking and sick and dizzy and…everything all at once. It was like he couldn’t move though. Like he was stuck.

If Lee had had any question remaining about what was going on in the front of the shop, that was answered with how quickly Tarin said that the spirit they were looking for wasn't there. Closing her eyes, Lee took a deep breath. This was not good. Not good on many different levels. And definitely not what they needed now.

Standing, Lee quietly walked toward the short hallway that led to the front of the shop, but didn't round the corner so she would still be hidden from view.

Probably as quickly as he could at that point without appearing rude, Tarin was working on getting the client, clients, out of the shop. Hearing the bell over the door as it was opened, Lee closed her eyes and focused on her siphoning. Waiting until they were out the door and making their way down the street finally before she rushed out to the front of the shop.

"Tarin," Lee called gently as she moved through the front of the shop. But he wasn't moving. Tarin was still standing at the door, partially outside.

"Come on, Tarin," Lee said gently as she reached him. "Lets head to the back." Grabbing his hand, Lee tugged Tarin back into the shop.

They were gone. Down the street without a backward glance and Tarin just couldn’t make his feet move. The weather had started to cool off a bit and the sun was setting a bit earlier and one would have thought with the way that he was sweating now that the breeze would have felt good. Tarin didn’t feel the breeze though. He couldn’t feel much of anything except for the absolute torrent of emotions coursing through him.

Kealey would have had a field day, some little part of Tarin’s brain managed to decide, and he just kept standing there trying to sort out what to do next. Had he done enough? Would they be suspicious if he didn’t call? What if he did and they told the police about what he had said he saw? Were there enough dots to connect to trace what had happened back to him?

Tarin heard his name and didn’t turn. Lee was a part of this whole thing too. If the police did find a trail that led back to him, what would happen to Lee?

Speaking of Lee, she was there now and grabbing his hand. Surely she had heard at least some of what had happened. Surely she had figured out what they were talking about. How could she possibly want to touch him with what she knew was true?

Still. She’d been through enough lately. Lee didn’t need to deal with this too, so as she tugged he followed her back into the shop. With every step he started to pull himself back together, to push all of those thoughts and all of those feelings back into their ugly little box and seal them away.

By the time they were in the back he took a deep breath,

”Kind of wish they’d have put that on the info form.” he said, voice still a bit shaky and rough.

At least Tarin was coming back into the shop easily. The month that he was through the doorway, Lee pulled the door closed and locked it.

Once they had gotten into the back, Lee trust turned to face Tarin as he was saying something about a form.

Shaking her head, Lee let go of Tarin's hand. She could only imagine what Tarin could be thinking at the moment. What thoughts were going through his head. What memories might have surfaced.

Lee knew that Tarin was still having nightmares about the merge. She'd walked into one of them over the summer. They weren't as frequent as they had once been, but Lee still had to wake Tarin up from them often enough that she couldn't say that they had gone away.

Stepping close, Lee wrapped her arms around Tarin, hugging him snugly. "Are you ok?" she asked softly. "Is there anything I can do?"

Was. He. Okay?

Anything but. Tarin knew for a fact that he was an absolute disaster. He still felt shaky and sweaty, like when he woke up from one of those dreams, but this was reality. This was really happening. Tarin had always known that this wasn’t a thing that he could just ignore and make go away. He had tried though. He had tried really hard to just go on like everything was fine.

Lee had asked him a question though and Tarin knew that she would immediately see right through him if he said he was fine. Her arms were around him now and she wanted to know what she could do to help.

Loosely wrapping his arms back around Lees Tarin nodded, ”I’m alright.” he said, surprised how well it came out. ”Just didn’t expect that tonight.” he said in the understatement of the century. “Did you want to head home?” he asked after a few moments just standing there, determined not to heap more of his issues on Lee when she had enough to deal with on her own.

”There should be plenty of time before the next appointment.” Because there were still more appointments that day.

Tarin was trying to tell her that he was alright. Lee knew that wasn't true. Not with how he was after a nightmare. And how could he have expected that to have ever happened? It's not like he was the only medium in New York.

But Tarin's arms were around her now, so Lee just stood there hugging him even after he had asked if she wanted to head home.

Lee stood there just hugging Tarin until he said that there should be time before the next appointment. Then Lee pulled back to look up at Tarin, though her arms were still wrapped around him. "The next appointment?" Lee asked, her brow furrowed.

After a moment, Lee shook her head. "I didn't want you to cancel just to walk me home, but you can cancel appointments if you need to," she told him. This was a perfect example of when he should cancel, because Lee was sure that after what had just happened, Tarin wasn't in any shape to deal with random spirits.

Lee seemed surprised that Tarin was planning to have his next appointment. Honestly, it was the absolute last thing that Tarin wanted to do. The idea of bringing down his mental shields with this topic on his mind was terrifying because what if that spirit was somewhere out there. What if being as distracted as he was brought it to the shop unintentionally?

Tarin shuddered at the thought and his arms tightened slightly around Lee as she pointed out that she hadn’t wanted to cancel appointments just to walk her home, but canceling them because he couldn’t handle things that he had done was apparently different.

”It’s fine…” he said, then winced over the top of Lee’s head as the words came out of his mouth.

”I mean, there’s no reason to cancel. I can handle it. I don’t want you to have to hang out here anymore.” he said, but he still had his arms around Lee and he wasn’t moving away.

“I was just surprised was all…and they seemed so sure that I was going to be able to help…and when I said that I couldn’t…the look on his face….”

Tarin was rambling and Tarin knew he was rambling. It was always like this with Lee though, as soon as he started talking the words just seemed to flow and wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t fair to put this on her, not even a little bit, but it was like he couldn’t help it.

”So yeah…if you want to go home…”

Lee raised an eyebrow when Tarin told her that it was fine. They hadn't really ever talked about it, but it was pretty well established by now that when one of them said that they were 'fine', the reality was that they were anything but.

"There's reason to cancel if you're not in the right headspace to work," Lee pointed out gently. And the fact that Tarin wasn't moving away from her, that he was still hugging her the same way, Lee knew that he was definitely not in the right headspace to work. Not with what work meant.

"'Hanging out' here isn't an issue," Lee went on to tell him earnestly. "It's just kind of weird not having stuff to do. I was here every day for years."

"But, maybe home would be good," Lee continued, closing the bit of a gap she'd put between them to hug him again. Right now, the apartment would probably be a lot better for Tarin. "Whenever you're ready. I'm in no rush."

The right headspace to work?

Was there ever a headspace where it was appropriate to do the kind of work that Tarin did? The interaction today had driven home just how awful the whole situation was. What he did on a daily basis was so messed up. He’d gotten numb to it over the years, but his personal involvement here bought it all into stark relief. What else was there to do though? He wasn’t good at anything else…

Lee didn’t mind hanging out at the shop, but it was weird to not have anything to do.

Did she want things to do at the shop? ”I thought you didn’t like to be here…” Tarin said, momentarily distracted ”Especially not when spirit stuff was happening…”

When she’d started speaking, Lee had pulled back slightly and Tarin had kept his arms where they were, not quite ready to let go yet, but somehow still trying to convince Lee that he was good to walk her home, walk back here, and continue to work for the rest of the day.

Maybe home would be good? Tarin didn’t know what would be good. He didn’t know what to do in general.

He was desperately failing at what he was attempting to do and he wasn’t sure how to improve the situation.

”You don’t need this…” Tarin said, closing his eyes and dropping his arms from around Lee. “I can walk you home and then come back here…” he said plainly since trying to be discreet hadn’t worked. Tarin had a feeling that Lee wasn’t going to agree to his plan, but he really didn’t want to make this Lee’s responsibility…not now. He could pull himself together if he had some time…otherwise, it was going to be a long night.

Tarin thought she didn't like to be in the shop? "No. I mean, it was definitely weird being back here again at first," she tried to explain. "And I'm fine being around during sessions, I just…almost feel like I'm intruding when Idon't have something to distract myself and tune out what's being said."

"But the spirits…" Lee paused a moment to try and figure out howto word her thoughts and feelings about them. "I had so rarely directly interacted with, or even really saw spirits, and most of those situations were not good. But I think working with Tony has helped. And just…seeing them more? Especially when they're not what is causing the issues."

Lee hoped that made sense to Tarin. Hopefully it would. He had understood things she's tried to explain when no one else had in the past.

Then Tarin let his arms fall from around her, and Lee looked up at him, with Tarin not looking back at her. "You don't need this either," she pointed out as she lifted her hands and placed one on either side of Tarin's face. "Yet this is what we have to deal with. So we will deal with it."

Lee explained her feelings about the shop and the spirits and everything else and Tarin took it all in. He’d not understood her feelings at all. It had made sense that Lee might dislike the spirits and not want to be around them for any reason. It was more complicated than that, as things usually were, and Tarin nodded. He’d file that information away for later.

Tony had helped matters…that made sense, Tarin thought, Tony was pretty much as even keeled as any spirit Tarin had ever met. The former fighter was simply happy to get the chance to fight again and seemed…fond of Lee? As much as a spirit could be fond of someone.

The new information didn’t change much, but it did mean something.

So did Lee’s words as Tarin stood there with his eyes shut. His arms were still at his sides and he just didn’t know what to do anymore than he had when the couple had left the shop. He just knew that he was floundering and trying to spiral and he didn’t know how to let go of those feelings.

At the touch of Lee’s hands on the sides of his face, Tarin’s eyes opened and looked down at her.

“But I did this…” he said softly, “You stopped it…”