Lee sat down and Tarin just kept shaking his head. Now they were going to sit down and talk about things calmly?

Less dangerous?

Lee had a lot more to say and Tarin nodded when he was supposed to nod and tried to listen to what she was saying…but he just kept thinking back to what happened just before and what Lee had said.

Lee thought that what he had done was stupid. Reckless. Dangerous. She actually thought that he’d just plow into something like this without a thought or a care. Without making sure it was safe. Knowing everything she should have known about him, everything he’d done so far…she didn’t trust him.

That was probably the worst part of this whole thing and as he sat there spiraling, Tarin started to question whether things he’d interpreted as support had really just been Lee making sure he wasn’t going to do anything dangerous or reckless. Lee had even told him that some things were worth risk, Tarin just hadn’t realized the extent of the sentiment.

Lee wanted Tarin to talk to the Doctor that she had seen in the past. People apparently did things like that all the time. It was the safer option of course. W Best thing yet, this doctor already knew all about his powers so he didn’t even have to explain things.

Excellent. Another person with the kind of history that would allow them to decide things about him before they’d even met based on someone he’d never know.

Tarin knew he needed to say something, but none of the things he wanted to say
”Whatever you think is best.” he settled for finally, not knowing what else to do.

Tarin was even more quiet now after Lee had sat down on the couch again. And other than just upset in general, Lee couldn’t figure out what Tarin was thinking or feeling.

Hell, Lee wasn’t sure if she knew exactly what she was feeling anymore.

Even after Lee had finished speaking, Tarin was silent for what felt like a long time. It probably wasn’t, but because everything was feeling so tense, and stressed, and wrong between them.

Finally, Tarin said something and she looked at him for a moment. Did he really just basically say ‘yes dear’ to her?

Lee took a deep breath as she leaned back on the couch again, pulling her legs up in front of her to wrap her arms around. ”I definitely think it’s a much better place to start,” she replied.

This was awful.

Tarin’s whole body hurt from the tension and he had a wicked headache building behind his eyes. All he’d wanted was to come home and be quiet for a while, process things, and sort out the next steps in his head.

Everything had gone wrong from there. Everything was still going wrong. Tarin knew some of it was the absolute mental exhaustion he was feeling, everything felt magnified…worse than it actually was.

Lee pulled her legs up and her whole posture echoed what he was feeling, the wrongness of everything between them.

Lee spoke then and Tarin just shrugged, ”Well, I clearly can’t be trusted to make my own decisions so I don’t know what else to do. Wouldn’t want to be stupid or reckless.”

Lee closed her eyes as she let her chin come to rest on her knees. ”It’s not that,” Lee said softly as she tried to figure out how to word her thoughts. ”I don’t know why, or how you could willingly put yourself through all that, especially with trying to actually get a merge starting like that.”

Lee pressed her lips together as she shook her head, then turned to look at Tarin. ”I am sorry about what I said, with how far I took it.” For a couple moments, Lee just sat there and looked at Tarin. ”I hope you know I would never allow that to be done to Kevin, nevermind do it myself. And I’m not intending to go do those things either.”

Lee spoke and Tarin shook his head, “I’m not trying to start a merge Lee. I'm trying not to.”

It was hard to talk about, but anything was better than what they’d been doing before, ”You say I can’t train this away, and maybe you’re right. I can get more info though, I can know what sorts of things to look out for, what kinds of situations are dangerous.”

Then Lee was looking at him and apologizing for what she’d said and Tarin didn’t know how to respond for a moment. ”I know you wouldn’t…” he said quietly, ”That’s why I’m so…upset about it.” again, this was tough…but before had been even worse. ”I know you’ll ever do that, so the only reason you’d say it…”

Tarin sighed, ”Thank you though…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…”

Tarin was trying to not trigger a merge by intentionally putting himself into situations that, as far as they knew, had triggered multiple merges in his past. Just they hadn’t actually happened because he had been stuck in small spaces and there was no one even around to have touched him.

Lee frowned as Tarin went on, explaining that he could learn what to look out for, what situations were not good which…it made sense. Since Tarin had never actually had a merge before, they were just guessing that what he had felt in the building collapse, what he said he’d felt every time he’d been locked in something small.

When Tarin thanked her, and then apologized himself, Lee gave him a small smile and reached her hand out to him again. ”I don’t know what I would have done or how I would have reacted, but thanks.”

This…was much better.

It still wasn’t good, but it was better. Lee had listened to what Tarin said, but she hadn’t said anything or responded. That was fine, at least now she knew what he had been thinking.

Tarin had a feeling that he knew exactly what Lee would have said if he’d have told her about his idea. That’s why he hadn’t told her.

Lee reached out her hand again and this time Tarin took it almost immediately. Just sitting there for a few moments as the adrenaline and tension wore off.

”Are you okay?”

This time when she held her hand out to him, it was almost instant. Tarin reached his own out and took hers. And as they sat there in silence just holding hands on the couch for a little bit, Lee slowly started to uncurl.

”Are you okay?”

Lee looked at Tarin in surprise. After what he’d done, what he’d been through that day, and then this altercation they had just had, Tarin was asking if she was alright? Her day paled in comparison to Tarin’s. If anyone should be getting asked whether they were alright, it should be Tarin, and Lee was pretty sure what his answer would be.

”Yeah, I am,” Lee said, recovering from the surprise. ”I mean, this afternoon was more difficult than I had expected. I was only planning on using the appointment today to check out whether it would still be ok to go see Dr Rossi, but she must have gone through her notes from years ago with some of the questions she started asking me…”

Lee seemed almost surprised that he had asked how she was. That was a bit odd, Tarin thought, but she started explaining why her day had been a little hard.

Again Tarin wondered if the appointment that Lee had mentioned the other night had been the one she’d gone to today and if it was he wondered why Lee hadn’t mentioned what she was doing. Had the goal the whole time been to get him to go.

The reason things had been difficult had been that the doctor had asked Lee questions she hadn’t expected. Tarin didn’t want to pry, but Lee had brought it up and it was kind of nice for the attention to have moved from him to her.

” I can see how that would be hard…” he said noncommittally, ”You want to talk about it or just…not?”

Did she want to talk about the appointment that she’d had with Dr Rossi that day? What the woman had been asking about? Not really, not at all. But after how things had already been going that evening, Lee figured that not keeping things to herself would be best. In some ways, that’s what had caused all the issues.

Plus, she had already talked about all of this with Tarin in the past.

”One of the things she asked about was if there had been any more merges since the last time I had seen her,” Lee said, not realizing that her eyes were slowly dropping down to look at their hands as she spoke.

”From then, when I was seeing her because I had the breakdown,” Lee continued, looking back up at Tarin. ”There was only the one, last one.”

The…last…merge?

Tarin had to think for a few moments to get the chronology of everything Lee had told him straight in his head. The last thing they had talked about had been Romania. Had been the time that Lee had ultimately died.

The time that a merge had brought her back.

It just kept coming up lately, and every time it came up it left Lee completely drained and sometimes crying.

”Romania?” he asked, tugging on Lee’s hand in case she wanted to come closer but lightly enough she could easily refuse.

”And I came home like a huge jerk and did the exactly opposite of being helpful.”

Lee could see Tarin thinking when she told him that there was only the one merge in the time she was asked about. It had come up quite a few times, especially very recently, but now that they were sitting there, Lee wasn’t sure she had told Tarin that that had been the last one.

It didn’t take him long, and when he asked if it was Romania, Lee nodded. And she felt Tarin tugging on her hand slightly. Glancing down at their hands, Lee noticed the space that was still between them on the couch. A lot more space than there normally was when they sat there.

Scooting closer, Lee leaned her head against Tarin’s shoulder as he spoke again. ”Well, neither of us were in a great mood,” Lee pointed out. ”And while I hate what you did today, I can understand how you were feeling and acting the way you were.”

Lee closed that last little bit of space between them and Tarin sighed away tension he didn’t know he was still holding as her head came to rest on his shoulder.

She didn’t just dislike what he had done earlier, she hated it and for the first time he felt kind of bad for doing it at all. The problem was that he just didn’t know what else to do. Tarin wasn’t wholeheartedly opposed to Lee’s idea, but he just didn’t see how it would help with the physical aspect of his problems.

Lee understood why he’d felt the way he’d felt?

”It wasn’t good.” he said, ”I don’t know why I thought it was going to be easier.” he admitted. Then decided something.

”If you really don’t want me to try again…I won’t.” he said quietly, leaning his head against Lee’s where they sat.

Lee smiled slightly, her eyes slipping closed when she heard Tarin sigh and felt his body beside her relax slightly. This was more like them, this was more like what the entire night should have been like.

It wasn’t good, that was pretty obvious Lee thought, the smile having disappeared from her face. Her only thought about why Tarin had thought it would be easier than it had been was because he told himself it would be. Probably in a way to convince himself to go through with it.

Tarin continued, though, and said that if she really didn’t want him to do it again, he wouldn’t, and that small smile came back to her face briefly as she felt him leaning his head against hers.

”I hate the idea of you being stuck in there, panicking…” she said softly. ”The fact that you’ve been there so many times already is bad enough. I don’t want you to have to go through anything even close to that ever again if possible.”

Lee spoke and Tarin nodded slightly against her head, his hand still holding hers as they sat on the couch. He could understand her line of thinking, why would she want him to go through that. Tarin really didn’t want to put himself through it either.

”That’s the thing though Lee…I’m in there all the time.” he said quietly.

”I avoid elevators, I avoid the subway…you went out of your way at the Mansion the other day, but the hallways that I knew were underground were just as bad as the elevator.”

Tarin sighed again, ”What if it gets worse? What if we wanted to go somewhere, needed to take a plane or something?” Tarin had never been on a plane, but he knew they were essentially small metal tubes 30,000 ft in the air.

Tarin knew that Lee was going to say that the therapy would help, but when it came down to it, he had to get more comfortable in those kinds of spaces.

”I just did what I know how to do.”