Ok, yes, in normal circumstances, being pregnant and stepping into an elevator were two very different things. But no matter how much she just wanted a simple, normal life, Lee knew that there were some things that could never be normal for her. Just as a phobia wasn't just a normal fear.

And Tarin had multiple, very valid reasons for being afraid of enclosed spaces.

Tarin didn't talk to anyone. He'd said that he needed to do some work to deal with his claustrophobia. That it had been harder than he had expected it to be. But he hadn't talked to anyone.

His shirt had also been soaked in sweat at some point before he got home.

”If you didn't…” Lee said slowly as she stared at Tarin.

If he hadn't gone to talk to someone, some kind of therapy to deal with the issues…

Talking hadn't been a part of his life. He'd been taught, scared into believing that if he couldn't control everything then he had to deal with the ‘problem’ by himself.

Lee's eyes widened slightly as those realizations hit. ”What did you do to yourself?” she asked, her voice a whisper.

Oh man. As Lee worked her way through things and drew conclusions Tarin couldn’t help but think that maybe he should have just let her believe that he’d gone to some kind of therapy. What was it with people thinking that talking about claustrophobia would help make it better.

Tarin knew exactly why he had problems in tight spaces. He didn’t need someone else to tell him that.

”Don’t look at me like that Lee.” Tarin said, looking away and staring at the TV for a minute before looking down at his hands. ”This is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about this.”

Even after he said not to look at him like she was, Lee continued to stare at Tarin for a few moments.Then Lee went to scoot closer to him on the couch, only realizing at the last second that she still had her plate on her lap.

Finally turning away from Tarin, Lee moved the plate onto the table before she shifted a few inches closer to him on the couch. Then she held her hand out toward him, close but not making contact. It was there, she was there, if he wanted.

”Are you alright, Tarin?’ She asked, her face a mix of sadness and concern. ”Why in the world would you do that?”

Tarin could feel, rather than see Lee still looking at him even though he was looking at his hands. He’d told the truth a few moments before, he hadn’t wanted her to worry about it, he hadn’t wanted her to be upset about it. For once Tarin had just wanted to handle something on his own.

Out of the corner of his eye, Tarin could see Lee holding out her hand. It felt like another one of those moments, like he was making a decision about more than whether or not he wanted to hold Lee’s hand.

The whole point of all of this had been to make things easier, to make himself less of a burden to Lee. Pushing her completely away was utterly counter productive, so Tarin reached out and took her hand.

”I’m fine” Tarin said, then sighed, ”It’s something I can do. I just overestimated what I could do the first time, next time will be better.”

Tarin didn’t look at her when she moved closer. He didn’t look at her when she held her hand out toward him. And it appeared that he wasn’t going to take her hand, either. Lee was just about to pull her hand back toward herself when he finally reached out. Closing her hand around his, Lee rubbed her thumb on the back of his hand as she looked back up at his face.

And Tarin was fine, apparently.

Lee was really starting to hate that word. When Tarin said it, he wasn’t actually fine, he wasn’t ok. When Tarin told her that he was fine he was simply managing to hold himself together, often only just barely, but he didn’t want her to worry.

”Next time?” Lee asked as she straightened up, staring straight at Tarin. ”What do you mean ‘next time’? You can’t possibly be planning to do this to yourself again?!”

As she sat there, all Lee could picture was Tarin riding up and down an elevator that afternoon. She could clearly see the panic building in his eyes as he did it. Like it had when they were at the Empire State Building. Like it had tried to do the night they went to the bar. As it would have if she hadn’t been there to distract him. And doing that repeatedly, think that it would somehow make things better…

Lee was looking at him again, and Tarin finally looked over at her as she took his hand. Just that little bit of contact helped, and Tarin was immediately glad that he’d made the right decision.

Lee, however, was not glad when Tarin said that next time would be easier. What would the point of it all be if he didn’t go back and try again?

”I only made it two minutes.” Tarin said, shaking his head, frustration evident in his face, ”Of course I’m going to go back. That’s the only way it gets better.”

Two minutes today had been a joke, Tarin hadn’t been properly prepared and he wouldn’t make that mistake again. The next time he’d be ready and he’d do far better, ”Shin also said there were lots of different scenarios we could play out. A dark little box was effective….” he said with a little shiver, ”But it’s not very realistic.”

Tarin said that he had only lasted two minutes. That didn’t sound very long in terms of time, but elevator rides generally didn’t last very long. Even at the Empire State Building, Lee didn’t think they had been in the elevator for that long.

So surely two minutes was long enough, right? Since Tarin seemed so determined to do this, Lee supposed it could make sense for him to continue working on this until he could be at least semi-comfortable in the elevator for two minutes.

Or at the very least not fighting off panic.

But then Tarin mentioned Shin, and Lee got confused again. Shin had put Tarin in a box? But there were other scenarios.

Lee’s eyes widened again, this time in shock and horror as she realized that Shin of all people had helped Tarin do the exact thing that the cult group he’d fallen in with when he first came to New York had done to torture ‘train’ Tarin.

”What?” Lee exclaimed before becoming speechless for a moment. ”Why the hell would you do that, Tarin? After how much all that ****** you up when you were a kid?”

Lee was quiet while Tarin explained what he’d been doing that afternoon. Then she exclaimed and it was Tarin’s turn to look at her with slightly wide eyes. Did she really think that the two things were the same? How much had Tarin actually told Lee about what his “training” had looked like.

”I chose to do what I did today Lee.” Tarin said, face serious and somewhat intense, ”It ****** me up because I was getting dragged out of bed in the middle of the night or jumped in the street.”

Tarin paused for a minute, shaking his head a little bit. ”And regardless of how awful it was, it worked. It worked for years. It’s the only thing that ever worked. So that’s what I chose to do.”

Lee sat there and started shaking her head slowly as Tarin tried to explain what about that torture had messed him up. Tried to explain to her that it had helped with his claustrophobia. That it had made things better.

She was mad. And horrified. And sad. That any of that had happened to him in the first place. That he thought that any of that torture had done anything even remotely good.

That Tarin was willingly putting himself through this torture again.

”But I don’t think it ever worked, Tarin. Not the way you think it did,” Lee told him, her voice certain but tinged with sadness. ”They told you, and proved with other people, that if you messed up with your powers that one of two things had to happen: either you killed yourself or they would to end the ‘threat’ you posed. Then while reminding you of that threat, to a child, they dumped you into a situation where your instincts would have been to try anything and everything you could to get out. Including using your powers.”

Lee closed her eyes for a moment as she shook her head. ”You thought it worked to deal with the claustrophobia, but they made you more scared of the consequences of using your powers than being in a small space. And you thought it got easier to deal with because you were dissociating and mentally going somewhere safe, but they almost caused so much more damage than they were trying to avoid.”

Lee didn’t think it had worked, Tarin opened his mouth to argue with her, to tell her that it absolutely had worked because he’d been able to handle tight places just fine right up until that day in the Empire State Building, but he didn’t have a chance because Lee kept speaking.

Lee had paid attention when Tarin had told her things. Lee had paid a lot of attention when Tarin had told her things. She was also right.

Tarin knew that Lee was right and had known the entire time he’d been doing what he’d done that afternoon.

”It still worked, and it never got to that point today.” Tarin said, ”And that’s the other part of why I’m doing what I’m doing.”

”I need to know what I can take.”

Tarin was still so convinced that what they had done had worked. That that was the only way for him to be able to even manage to go in an elevator without risking a panic attack. That not only did he need to put himself through horrible situations, repeatedly, in the hopes that it would help him get over his phobia, but that he was going to do it without her.

He hadn’t even wanted to talk tonight. It wasn’t even that he wanted to do this on his own, he hadn’t even wanted her to know about it.

”It never got to ‘that point’ today?” Lee asked, starting to really get upset and frustrated by all of this. ”So in your mind, is that a success or a failure?”

Shaking her head, Lee let go of Tarin’s hand as she ran both of hers through her hair with a deep breath. ”And I suppose that getting to ‘that point’ once won’t be enough, will it? Because you’ll try to push yourself further, try to last longer before getting to that point. I’m right, aren’t I, Tarin?”

“Damn it, Tarin! We should be trying to figure out ways to make it easier, to keep you calmer when you need to be because of tight space. Not you going off by yourself, purposely putting yourself in horrible, traumatic situations repeatedly trying to push yourself past your limits.”

Standing up, Lee continued to shake her head as she started to pace. ”Though, as much as I hate the entire thing, I guess it does kind of make sense,” Lee said after a minute, still pacing. ”Knowing your limits can be very helpful. Since I know how hard I am able to punch now, I should probably figure out how hard I can without breaking bones. Same thing with running, because I honestly don’t know how fast I can move. And if I can break bones by punching too hard, I’ll probably hurt myself if I run too fast, so I should figure out what that limit is, too, shouldn’t I?”

As Lee spoke, her voice sounded more frustrated, her words coming out faster as she continued to pace beside the couch.

”Kevin wants to test his powers out, too,” Lee continued, looking over at Tarin as she spoke. ”And he’s just about the age you were, isn’t he? So should probably start testing his limits too, shouldn’t we? See just how much force his shield can withstand. Test him in stressful situations to see if that causes his shield to be able to block more or less force.”

Lee did not find Tarin’s explanation sufficient. Not in the least. In fact, she seemed to actually be mad now. Had today been a success or a failure? Tarin had only made it two minutes, that was definitely a failure. It was good that even at that point the whole merge thing hadn’t started though, right? There was no immediate danger to anyone around him if he was cooped up somewhere for a couple of minutes.

”Neither really…but I know I’m not immediately dangerous if you’re not there…”

The words were out before Tarin realized that this wasn’t a two-way conversation. Lee let go of his hand and Tarin realized just how galvanizing that little gesture of support had been while they talked through this.

Lee was frustrated, angry even, and it was evident in her every movement and action…the way she ran her hands through her hair, the way she jumped up and started to pace. Tarin felt completely untethered all of a sudden, the events of the day and the fact that Lee had never been this angry with him settling into the pit of his stomach like a rock.

What Lee was saying too. Hadn’t they agreed that she didn’t need to hit that hard anymore? They hadn’t spoken about her speed…but why would she purposefully hurt herself like that? It was different, the only person Lee was going to hurt was herself, she didn’t need to protect other people.

”Lee….” Tarin said, breathing heavier now.

And then she brought up Kevin.

At first, Tarin just stared at Lee in absolute horror at what she was saying. Even if Tarin knew deep down that Lee would never allow what she was saying, the reaction was involuntary. ”Stop….” he said quietly.

But she didn’t stop.

Thinking about what she was saying, about the things that had happened to him happening to Kevin…

Tarin was shaking now, shaking his head as he tried to get the thought out of his head. He wanted to get up and run, he desperately wanted to get away from this kind of thinking but he was rooted to the spot.

”STOP!” he shouted finally, shocked by the volume of his own voice before he dropped his head into his hands, trying to breathe through the panic that had suddenly welled up.

Lee was upset and frustrated as she paced and went on. And by the expression changing on Tarin’s face every time that she looked over at him, he was getting more and more upset as well.

Good, Lee couldn’t help but think. If he was going to so stubbornly do something so reckless, and plan to do so repeatedly, he deserved to be made just as mad as she was about it.

And she kept right on going when he said her name. She wasn’t about to stop speaking just because what she was saying was making him uncomfortable or feel negative feelings.

Lee knew that bringing Kevin into this, and mentioning similar ‘training’ be done with him as had been done to Tarin at a similar age was a low blow. Not that Lee would ever seriously consider something like that. But she needed to get Tarin to realize.

”STOP!”

Lee stopped her pacing and stood staring at Tarin for a moment as he held his head in his hands. ”Do you see how stupid all of these things are now? How reckless your plan is? It's not something you can train away, Tarin.”

Tarin couldn’t breathe. It was like every time he tried to inhale, the air just stopped in his throat. Why was Lee saying all of those things? Why was she so insistent on making her point so vividly that he felt like he was going to completely come apart?

Lee stopped talking though. She stopped talking long enough that Tarin could feel his chest start to loosen a bit and he could breathe a little. Of course she hadn’t meant any of those things, she never would have meant any of those things. That meant she was saying it all for impact. To make a point.

How could Lee use those things against him? How could she take things that he had told her, that he hadn’t ever told, anyone else and use them to evoke a reaction…to prove a point?

Lee spoke, and Tarin dropped his hands, no longer panicked as he looked up and over at where she was standing. Now he was just hurt and angry.

Did he see how stupid it was? How reckless?

Huffing out a pained little laugh, Tarin shook his head, not trusting himself to speak for a moment.

”You’ve made your point.” he said quietly after a few moments. ”And I’m sure you’ve got a better solution.”

Lee felt her stomach twist, felt like her heart was being squeezed as she watched the various emotions play across Tarin's face. She hadn't liked saying what she had, but she had to do something, right?

When Tarin spoke again, Lee slowly made her way back to the couch, sitting so she was facing Tarin. ”A less dangerous one, anyway,” Lee replied. That had to be better than what Tarin was doing.

”Remember how when I first told you that I had had a breakdown, and after that I actually spoke to someone professionally about the things I’d been through?” Lee asked, pausing long enough to let Tarin respond. ”I was actually able to talk with her, it was safe to. She was working through Slate’s company at the time.

“It took a while to track her down, but it’s still safe to talk to her. People work on phobias with therapists and psychologists all the time, and she already knows about merging, so you wouldn’t have to explain any of that.”