How did one even go about deciding how much a life was worth? It was a deep question, and now wasn’t the time to get into it.

It was beside the point anyway.

”You’re wrong.” he said simply but firmly. It was easy to say that all lives were important, but the fact of the matter was that the sentiment simply wasn’t completely true.

Of course[/color] Lee thought it was different.

Tarin didn’t. Lee was still sitting up, so he turned on the couch so he was more fully facing her.

”It’s exactly the same.” Tarin said, calm but intense at the same time, ”They both knew the risks going in. When it came down to it and the risks were realized, there was a choice to make, and he made it.”

”At that moment he knew that one of three things was going to happen. He could only control one of the three outcomes, so that’s what he did. Otherwise they’d both be dead.”

Lee wasn’t going to like this, that he was pushing this way, but this was somehow important. They were still holding hands from before and Tarin squeezed Lee’s hand, ”You’re important too. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should or have to. You can’t ask me to agree to something like that and not expect the same thing back.”

Lee simply raised an eyebrow when Tarin said she was wrong about his life not being worth less than hers. But before she was able to dispute it, Tarin continued.

And continued. And continued, saying things that were hard to argue. Hard to argue, but not impossible.

At least until he squeezed her hand and said she couldn’t ask this of him and not expect the same back. Meaning for her to not step in if there was another merge.

Lee’s mouth started to open, wanting to argue with what Tarin had said. But there was no way that she was going to agree to not step in during a merge.

Damn him.

Lee’s eyes narrowed the slightest bit in frustration as she closed her mouth. Why did he have to be so logical about this? Sure, the simple fact that she could do something didn’t automatically mean that she had to, but…

That was it. But. ”Ok, you’re right. Simply being able to do something doesn’t mean you should,” Lee actually agreed. ”But adding in my conscious and morals, that can turn a ‘can do something’ into a ‘should’ or ‘have to do something’. “

Lee wasn’t happy, Tarin could see it in the slight narrowing of her eyes and her body language and the way she kept trying to convince him he was wrong. It made him want to just take it all back and say what she wanted to hear. These were all hypotheticals anyway, weren’t they?

God…this day just wouldn’t quit.

Lee pointed out that while Tarin was right, adding in conscience and morals changed the can to “should” or “have to” and Tarin sighed.

”So you understand my point.” he said, softly.

Reaching up with his free hand, Tarin touched Lee’s cheek gently.

”How in the world could I ever promise to not do everything to save you if it came down to it?”

It wasn’t going to, nothing like that was going to happen. How could it when they were just going to movies, and going for jogs, and living life?

Morals and conscience meant that she understood his point? Damn it, more logic.

But then she felt his hand on her cheek, and despite the frustration about him refusing to not sacrifice himself to try to save her if it should ever happen, Lee leaned into his hand slightly.

”How in the world could I ever promise to not do everything to save you if it came down to it?”

Lee sighed slightly, most of the frustration leaving her eyes as a small crease formed between her brows. How could she argue when he put it like that? She really couldn’t, not when she would refuse to not do anything in case of a merge.

Though, with the way that he said it, it sure did sound like he was saying a whole lot more.

Lee brushed that thought aside. Coming from Tarin, Lee didn’t think it could possibly mean that. Not yet. Not with everything that she knew about him.

”Alright,” Lee said softly, turning her head to softly kiss the hand that had been on her cheek. Neither of them were going to promise, and all continuing to discuss this would do is end up getting them upset.

Not worth it when Lee couldn't see either of them going out and doing anything to invite that kind of situation.

Lee turned her head and kissed his hand and then Tarin dropped thst hand, suddenly self-conscious. What had that been? Dramatic declarations like that really weren’t his thing. Then again, nothing about any of this was normal for Tarin. Things just flew out of his mouth when Lee was around. He did things and said things that didn’t make a lick of sense.

Also Lee’s answer didn’t sound like acceptance, it sounded like they just weren’t going to talk about it anymore. That was fine, Tarin supposed, since it was all hypothetical. He hated to disappoint her, but in this case it was apparently that or a bold faced lie.

”Today has been a hell of a day.” Tarin said, running a hand through his hair. The credits were running on the documentary now and Tarin noticed that the food was all still sitting out.

Couldn’t have that, so up he got and started gathering things, intending to take it all to the kitchen.

Lee took a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh when Tarin pulled his hand away. ”It sure has,” Lee agreed as she watched Tarin running his hand through his hair. Today had been so much more than she ever would have thought. First Robert, then Kevin’s project topic, and now all this stemming from simply watching a documentary.

And then Tarin was up, gathering up the leftovers to take to the kitchen. Normally, he would get up suddenly to do something like this when he was trying to avoid talking about something. But they had finished their conversation, at least Lee thought they had. Though, it had been sitting for a while now as they watched the documentary.

That…was an improvement, Lee thought? At least he hadn’t run at the first mention of something difficult or uncomfortable feeling wise tonight.

Standing up, Lee grabbed hers and Tarin’s plates off the table before making her way into the kitchen. ”How tired are you tonight?” Lee asked softly as she made her way over to the sink with the dishes.

It was a simple thing to put the food away, and Tarin was just closing the door on the refrigerator when Lee came into the kitchen with plates. He hadn’t considered that she might follow him and while he wasn’t disappointed with the development he had to admit he had gotten up to create a little space.

It wasn’t that what he had said to Lee wasn’t true, it was that it was and coming to that realization was completely and utterly terrifying. Lee had found him in the park right around a month ago and everything that had happened between them had happened since then.

Lee was at the sink with the dishes when she asked how tired he was. It really had been a hell of a day. Between an early run, the drama with Robert, his afternoon with Lee, the rest of the work day, the tough conversation about Kevin’s school project, and the randomly intense conversation at the end of the documentary, Tarin was feeling a bit drained…mentally and physically.

Still, he couldn’t help but grin as he leaned against the cabinets and looked over at Lee, ”I’m good, why?” he asked, then turned the question back on her, ”How about you?”

As she started washing the few dishes from dinner, Lee looked over at Tarin to see him leaning against the cupboards. Looking back at her.

”Like you said,” Lee replied as she turned her eyes back to the dishes. No point in washing them if she wasn’t going to make sure they were clean, right? ”It’s been a hell of a day. I’m obviously pretty wired from earlier today,” she continued, giving him a knowing, very content grin. ”But I wasn’t sure whether you were going to need to call it an early night or not.”

Lee turned back to wash the plates and Tarin studied her for a moment as she pointed out that it had been a hell of a day.

Was he planning to go to bed early?

”No, but I’m not planning to talk to anyone outside the kitchen, or watch anything I don’t know the end of for the rest of the night.” he said, crossing his arms, pleased with his plan.

Lee had said something though, and Tarin frowned a little, ”Wired like, gonna be up all night wired?”

Lee looked over at Tarin and smiled. That did sound like a pretty good idea to her. ”Sounds like a great plan to me,” she replied as she finished up with the dishes.

And she was just drying her hands as she turned to see the frown on Tarin’s face. ”Most likely, yes. Unless I go on, and actually finish, another run,” Lee said slowly as she looked over at Tarin, trying to figure out why he was frowning like that. But then she gave him a smile as she stepped toward him. ”Well worth it, after this afternoon, though.”

Tarin couldn’t help but think that it was desperately unfair that Lee had to be wired simply because they’d spent the afternoon together. Well, not just the afternoon, the night before too, but still, it was unfair.

Lee was used to it, but Tarin really hated the idea of her having to sit up at night all by herself. Lee was smiling at him though, and coming closer so he assumed that she really didn’t mind.

Lee mentioned another run and Tarin couldn’t help but shake his head a bit. ”Another run?” he said, ”How often do you have to get shoes? Also, I know you can take care of yourself, but do you run by yourself at night a lot?” He asked, he didn’t think she’d mentioned it or gone out at night since he’d been living there.

A moment later, Lee pointed out that being wired was well worth it based on how the afternoon had gone and Tarin couldn’t help but smile a happy and slightly smug smile when she said it.

”Is it really? You don’t mind being up alone?” he said, uncrossing his arms, hands itching to reach out and bring Lee closer. He didn’t move though, just stood there looking down at her with that same little smile.

Lee shrugged when Tarin asked how often she had to get new shoes. ”I have a feeling I’ll have to start getting new shoes a lot more frequently now,” she said, her smile widening into a happy grin.

But as Tarin continued speaking, the grin slid off her face. ”Not in six years, I haven’t,” she told him honestly. In fact, she hadn’t really needed to go for a run at any time of the day, with very few exceptions, in the last six years. Not until Tarin.

As Tarin questioned whether it was actually worth her being up all night, she nodded again. ”Most definitely,” she said, the smile back on her face as she stepped right up in front of him.

”Sure, it can be boring at times. But considering I spent more than ten years of my life thinking that I’d never have anyone who I could even do this with…” As she spoke, Lee reached out for Tarin’s hand, her fingers entwining with his as she lifted their hands to look at them. ”It is more than worth it.”

Well that was a mixed bag, wasn’t it? Lee hadn’t had to run this, hadn’t ran like this, in about six years. The same amount of time she’d been retired from the dating scene. He wanted to ask a bunch fo questions. Had she been able to sleep regularly all that time? Was it better that way? Easier? Should they set up some kind of schedule so that she could get better rest? They were adults after all…

More questions were still rolling through Tarin’s head when Lee reached out and grabbed his hand and held it up. She’d gone a decade thinking she couldn’t even do things like that at all?

It was more than worth it? Tarin dropped his head and kissed the back of Lee’s hand. ”Why haven’t you been doing it then? Would it help you rest?” he asked, ”I just hate that you’re up and alone all that time.” that was a problem with no solution. He had to sleep, whether he wanted to or not.

Tarin definitely had thoughts about what she was saying, about how she had used to have to run a lot more, like she had been recently, but not in the last six years. About how she felt it was more than certainly worth it to be up at night because of things like what they had spent the afternoon doing. But what those thoughts were, Lee wasn’t sure because Tarin didn’t share them.

She couldn’t stop her smile from growing as she watched Tarin lift her hand a bit more and kissed the back of it.

”Why haven’t you been doing it then? Would it help you rest? I just hate that you’re up and alone all that time.”

Lee’s eyes shot up to Tarin’s in surprise, and she could only stand there and look at him for a few moments in silence. He knew where she went running. He knew where she had found him that night.

Yet he was asking why she hadn’t been going for runs, her type of runs that could take a couple hours, at night in the park.

”It would help me be able to sleep,” Lee replied, her voice slow, almost hesitant. ”But I didn’t want you to be upset, stressed or worried about me going running in the park at night. Especially not so soon after…”

Had he said something weird? The way Lee was staring at him definitely made him feel like he had said something weird.

Then Lee spoke and it was Tarin’s turn to stare down at her for a moment in disbelief, ”Wait…you’re telling me that you’ve been purposefully denying yourself sleep, sitting up alone all that time because you didn’t want to upset me?”

Well that was just ridiculous.

”You’re a fully grown woman who knows her capabilities and limits.” Tarin said, ”If you think it’s fine to run at night in the park..then it’s fine to go run in the park at night. We are talking about a run…not another prize fight.”

Tarin paused for a moment and thought, ”My feelings are not your responsibility.” he added, ”If I’m worried or upset, that’s my problem, not yours.”