He looked over to the woman as she spoke softly, and tried to calm him down. Reassure him. That he was okay. That it had been alright. Because it had been to help Sam, to keep Sam from doing something way too… hotblooded. Wrong.

Maybe Sam had not been meaning to kill. Maybe he had meant to put the person, Travis, down so they could not weasel out of the situation and escape. Shin wanted to give Sam the benefit of the doubt, but the man had been pretty “scorched earth”… “rime-frosted tundra”… about the whole thing.

He nodded slightly at her words.

Sometimes, there were no good options. Sometimes, it was just bad or worse.

Shin let out a choked little half laugh, half sob. Not due to humor. But because it had triggered a memory, and it had been so ridiculous, so “definition of worse”, he had to confide it.

”I was so out of it, so emotional over the whole thing… at the time, I almost considered making a fulcrum and lever out of shards to launch Cold Steel sky high. Like some Looney Tunes stuff. First thought. But the logistics, and… and that was crazy. It wouldn’t have even worked, but what else can you think but crazy things, when you have to come up with ideas on how to bring a friend down? Like, at some point I actually contemplated scenarios for how I would stop fellow X-men, like some sort of protocols for if anyone got off the rails, and— I’d hope they would do the same for me, we fight such scary people some times, but—“ He was rambling now, had done one big ol run on sentence, and how would Lee even respond to that. If he asked her, if he said “isn’t that crazy?” She would say “uh yeah it is, but sometimes we have only bad and worse.” She would just reassure him he had done his best.

He cleared his throat, and brushed some stray water that had wound up on the sides of his eyes from some freak rain storm or something centralized wholly on the area directly around him, and only him. Rain. Yeah. Rain.

”Thanks.” His voice was weak, ”That helps. Didn’t really mean to unload on you like that, but I appreciate that— er ahem. So anyways. Do you have any stuff you want to confide in me about? Turnabout is FairPlay? And, god. Never mind. My brain can be so weird sometimes. Weren’t we just walking? Let’s do that.”

”Like, at some point I actually contemplated scenarios for how I would stop fellow X-men, like some sort of protocols for if anyone got off the rails, and— I’d hope they would do the same for me, we fight such scary people some times, but—“

Lee closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, sadly as she heard Shin speak. As the man finished speaking, Lee stepped closer and pulled him into a hug. ”It’s a horrible feeling,” Lee whispered. ”Thinking about how to subdue, how to stop, someone you care about when things have gone so horribly wrong. Knowing that there’s a reason you have had to think about it. And I am so sorry that you had to do it.”

Giving Shin a last little squeeze, Lee pulled back, pretending not to notice him wiping tears from his eyes. Lee knew how hard it was doing what Shin had described. She knew because she had done it. It was such a difficult thing to do, even in your mind, because you had to find a way to stop the person, and make sure that you stopped them. But you didn’t want to hurt them, though you likely would. So you were trying to figure out the way to stop them while causing the least harm. That alone was a very fine line. But when you added in trying to make sure that not only did you keep yourself, but anyone who happened to be around, safe, it made the task feel impossible.

Yet, you knew that if the situation came up, you would have to act.

Lee knew exactly how that felt. Though she had kept it in the back of her mind most of the time, that had been her life for years.

”No need to apologize, Shin” Lee said gently. ”Anytime you need to ‘unload’, especially if it’s something like this yo don’t think others would understand, I’ll be here.

“But yeah, walking would probably be good,” Lee continued. She hadn’t missed the part where Shin had offered for her to confide in him. She had definitely heard that. But considering what the only thing that wasn’t ancient history at this point that she’d need to confide in anyone was…Yeah, blatantly ignoring the offer at the moment was the best bet.

A hug. Okay. He could accept a hug. He was a hugger. But he was emotional. It was not just a plain hug. A one-sided “accepted” hug. He did hug back. He did let a tear fall. Or two tears. He brushed them away. He wasn’t ashamed to be emotional. Own your emotions. Don’t be a coward!

He backed up a few steps afterwards. Took a breath, another breath. Breathing is good.

She told him he had nothing to apologize for. Okay.

She would be there if he ever needed to “unload.” Okay.

But they were actually here to walk, so…

No, she did not have any confessions at this moment in time for him.

He said “Super,” gathered his kiddo, and began to walk.

Shin kind of hugged Lee back. That was fine, this was a strange, weird situation. How many people in the world would actually, truly understand what it was Shin was talking about? Understand and know what it felt like.

But Shin agreed that walking would be good, so Lee started walking again, saying beside the younger man, her eyes forward as she spoke again. ”I mean it, Shin,” she said softly, gently. ”It feels wrong to make plans like that about people you care about, but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. So youmake the plans and hope that you will never have to use them.”

Lee took a deep breath and shook her head slightly. ”But like i said, if you ever need to unload about this, even if you're having trouble figuring something out, I understand this, I'm here.

“You have no idea how many sleepless nights I spent doing just that…” she finished in a whisper.

Make plans. Never use them. He nodded. He agreed. If done for the right reasons, could it be a sign one cares?

She said she was here. He said thank you.

He had no idea.

“Yeah.”

—

He had thought about how He could have been more “there.” Gave Lee a shoulder and an ear. But nah. What a useless thought.

—

What else was there to talk about?

Shin found himself talking about baby stuff. Just making small conversation about baby concerns and how He will have to find a a good preschool when he’s older and how does one find the best, etc etc, and what toys, nattering until a better topic came along.

Shin knew that she was there for him if he ever needed help with that planning or to unload. There really wasn’t much else to say about that.

And so they moved on to much more simple and optimistic subjects, such as babies. As they walked, Lee gave Shin what advice she could from her experience with Kevin, though some of it, such as preschool, wasn’t relevant as she was in a different country when Kevin was that age.

Nevertheless, the rest of the walk was much more relaxed and casual, and when they finally parted ways, Lee assured Shin that she would be in touch much more often.