Zek stopped running as he approached the conveniently opened door of the building Juniper had dashed into. He was pretty sure he wasn’t going to lose her now and so took it easy on his legs. Fortunately for the door, it was already open. Zek didn’t currently have the lung capacity to deal with thinking about open doors. Vanishing them was easier. Besides, then he’d have an extra door and you never knew when you might need one of those.

But it was open so it was a moot point.

Zek blinked a lot as his eyes adjusted from the light outside to the lesser light inside. After a few more seconds, he realized things weren’t going to clear up anymore. Everything actually was a little...dingy.

Zek loved the lived-in look. He didn’t feel bad when things broke or got damaged. And it hid stains easier, too.

He trudged up to June-June. He stuck his tongue out at her and she declared her victory. “I...think...not,” he said, mustering up what little oxygen he could. Then he lashed out and tapped her shoulder. “Tag, you’re it! Notagbacks!”

Then he slumped against the wall as the elevator barely did its job. “Tag...is not...a race,” he breathed. “And you didn’t...declare base. So there.” He blue a blue raspberry colored raspberry at her. And followed her into the lift.

Where he slumped against the walls again. “Awesome,” he said. “Love cats. Frickin’ angels. Way better than dogs.” He rolled his head around until he could completely rest it on his shoulder. There were perks to having extra neck bones - you always had a shoulder to lean on.

When the elevator finally arrived to whatever floor Juniper had chosen, Zek waved a hand at her. “Junipers first,” he said offhandedly as the doors painfully squealed open.

He tagged her.

But...

What?!

She deflated visibly as he explained. Apparently she had been playing tag wrong pretty much her whole life, but hey, what could you do when you were trying to play tag with woodland creatures and rocks?

The pout was real as he lounged back in his own victory. She did not bother to elaborate on her ignorance of the game because whoo boy, that would be embarrassing!

She did however openly stare for a bit as he did the weird neck thing, and tilted her own head in very poor mimicry of him. "Are you a contortionist?" Heck, she was pretty bendy but that trick of his was still way beyond her abilities.

She shuffled out once they were on her floor and headed for her apartment at the end of the hall. There were a billion locks on her door (Saul was a little overzealous) and since she usually didn't bother with trying to unlock all nine of them with her key, she just phased herself in. Zek was left standing out in the hall for a moment as she turned and started flipping locks open to let him in.

Sure, she could have just dragged him in through the door with her... but that would have required planning. Spending a full minute un-securing the door she never bothered with, like a huge dork, was much more her style.

"Welcome to my humble abode~"

As promised, Clyde- her geriatric, overweight, one-eyed cat hobbled over to greet them. Berry left a barrage of noise in his wake as the kitten sprinted out of the back where her bedroom was, breaking or knocking over several things in the process, only to misjudge and skid into the wall beside where Zek was standing in a flail of limbs and fur.

Juniper stepped over them both, used to their antics, and headed for her coffee table where she could plop the duffle bag down.

“Not a contortionist,” Zek said as he started following the girl into the hall. “I’m just...flexible.” It was true. And a lie. Like, he didn’t do yoga or gymnastics or anything like that, but he wasn’t exactly a stiff board. Oh hey, he almost missed an entendre. “If you know what I mean,” he added with a lazy wink.

It was a phrase guaranteed to make anything sound less than respectable. Next time, he was just going to add “in bed” to every sentence.

It was entirely possible his brain wasn’t working perfectly. Then again, he’d done a lot of running, captured a van, and been phased through who knows what. Zek felt this was perfectly fine, under those circumstances.

And then a door. That Juniper...didn’t have a key to? Or she was in the same mood he was in: don’t deal with obstacles, just go through them? Orrrrrr was she just ditching him and taking the majority of the money with her? She must really have been tired if she thought leading him to her place (which, since she didn’t use a key may not actually live at) and leaving him outside the door would stop him.

But thankfully the door opened and Zek didn’t have to physically exert himself with silly little things like vengeance or anger. Those were emotions for people without lead legs. Or tomorrow.

“Nice plaa--aaawwww!” he cooed as the big ol’ bundle of PRECIOUSNESS made it’s way over to him! Zek crouched smoothly and not too fastly and held out a hand for it to sniff. And then a schizoid blur came flurrying out of the abyss and crashed into a wall.

He kicked the door shut behind him and he stuck his other hand out for the klutz. “And who are these adorable little angelic divinities?” he crooned. Forget the ice cream! (for now) THere were kitties and cats!

She just chuckled at him, amused, and bent down to scoop up her giant, fluffy cat in her arms. He was definitely overweight, but the sheer amount of long fur he had made him seem even bigger than his frame was. He easily blocked out most of her upper half while in her arms.

"I can't really say I'll believe it when I see it now since I've already seen it." Unless he had more tricks up his sleeves, that is. "This is Clyde!" She made his wave by gently waggling one of his paws around. "He's old and lazy, he'll probably try and sleep on you."

She turned and set him back down so that he could hobble off to get some water. "That spaz is Blueberry. Berry for short. He likes to think he's the Alpha around here."

True to her words, Berry had recovered from his collision with the wall spectacularly and was in the process of trying to both sniff and size up Zek at the same time. He floofed, arched his back, flailed his tail around, and approached awkwardly sideways in order to sniff at the offered finger. It didn't take long for presumably decide the male was O.K. and the small cat proceeded to playfully swat at him for a bit before falling over onto his back in a flail of limbs.

Juniper watched and giggled for a bit before standing and heading into her kitchen for a few bottles of water.

Berry was busy attempting to physically climb Zek so he could perch on his shoulders and rub his fuzzy head into the mans face.

Zek was now at the utmost peak of fashion. Other people had feather boas, alligator boots, or mink coats. Zek had a kitteh on his shoulder. It was in the process of trying to grind off the scruff on his cheek through sheer willpower, determination, and a metric tonne of cuteness. It stuck there, all purrfect and such even as he reclaimed his natural height.

Would Juniper even notice if she had one less cat? It was certainly something to ponder and keep in the back of his mind. “We are going to be best buds,” he told the cat, twisting his head to look straight at it. “The berry bestest buds.” This was hardcore facts. Ain’t no denyin’.

“Soooo…” he drawled as Juniper vanished again (seriously, what did she have against sticking around for more than a few seconds? Always running around, through walls, doors, etc.). “What say we get down to it? We both know why we’re here.” His voice dropped to sultry levels.

He dropped a glowing ball on the coffee table and it became the murder bucket. He flopped down on the couch (with a hand steadying Blueberry Delight) and then curled the kitteh-cat into his hands and petted petted petted it. “Cats, ice cream, more cats, maybe a snack, and then split our presidential piles in half. Also, maybe watch some Binge.”

He glanced at the kitteh, which was no longer content to remain in his hands and wanted to explore all of him. “What do you think, Fuzzy Face? Do you like this plan?”

Watching Berry maul Zek with affection was probably the most adorable thing ever. That kitten was the absolute most loveable thing she had ever met in her life, aside from Clyde. "Watch out, he will absolutely try and nom on your nose."

Zek moved further into the apartment and while Juni was half bent inside her fridge she heard his...erm... suggestive comment. She tried to stand so fast she thumped her head in the inside of the fridge and hissed through her teeth, popping back out wide-eyed, with creased brows, and holding two bottles of cold water.

Okay... so... was that actually happening then!? What the heck was going on!? She got that he was teasing her, but she'd long gone past the point of being able to figure out if he actually wanted to or not. Why were people so confusing sometimes?!

She plopped the bottles on the counter and hurried to peel off her sweatshirt over her head. The folded files fell out in her haste. By the time he sat himself down on her couch, she was standing just on the other side of the counter with the waters in her hands, in yoga pants and t-shirt, staring blankly at the pile on her coffee table.

WHAT THE !@#$!?!

He was one of those flirty people who never actually did anything, wasn't he? She'd never met one but had heard about them and been accused of being one on multiple occasions. "Yup! Binge. Sure." She totally hasn't just started panic undressing, nope.

Clearing her throat and mentally burying the notion that anything was gonna happen, she slinked to the other side of the couch and sat. Zek was like the Anti-Xavier. Yes. Cept whereas Xavier was hot and impervious to flirting, Zek was a huge flirt with no end goal?

Her brain her. She was far too simple for mind games.

Berry, unaware of Juniper's mental strife, melted in Zek's hands like ice cream on a hot day. The kitten mewled back in response to the man but was content to sit and be pat as much as possible.

"Right. Ice cream. Binge." That meant she needed to drag her laptop out. "I have tons of snacks."

She eyed the pile of money like it was gonna bite her, seeing as she actually had to count it now. That would take forever!

"So... uhhh..." She tried to divide it evenly in her mind and then reached out to shove a teeny bit more than half of toward Zek's side of the table. "There! Done! Even split... ish." She uncapped her water for a drink.

Twisting your neck 180 degrees was not the same as having eyes in the back of you head. Given the choice, Zek would’ve gladly taken the latter, if only to enjoy the exquisite torment Juniper was going through. It would have tickled him pink, yellow, and who knows what other colors!

But he did not have eyes in the back of his head. That would be weird. He did, however, have a kitteh held up to his face, with whom he was exchanging little tiny Eskimo kisses. And Berry was basically boneless and a puddle of happy joyful kitteh love and awesomeness and if Zek had had a spoon and a little bit of butter and salt he’d be eating him all up yes he would oh yes he would!

He heard a throat clear. Hmm? Oh, it was just Juniper sitting on the other end of the couch and wearing less clothes than before. “Who’s the bestest kitteh ever!” he said as he focused on the important thing in life. “You are! Yes you are!” he gleefully informed Prince Cat-spian.

Only the word “snacks” broke through his reverie. “Oh, I could totally go for something salty,” he said, not taking his eyes off the adorableness in his hands. “Maybe some nuts. Then again, maybe a nice, big banana.” Either of those would go fine with his ice cream. Probably. Or maybe a juicy peach? “Or maybe a juicy peach.” Mmmm. “You know what? Just surprise me.”

Now back to the kitteh and--oh. The money was different. It was in two places now, not just one. “Well that’s convenient!” he said, for once not talking to the Blueberry. Not that he was excluding the bundle of amazingness, but he was including Junie B Jones or whatever her name was. It wasn’t Berry, that’s for sure.

He removed one hand front he fluffy puddle and proceeded to lean forward and dump the murder bucket out all over the piles of money, combining his stored loot with the divvied stuff Jew Knee Pear had laid out. There, now everything was one big pool.

Now that was a thought.

“Hey, wanna go swimming in it?”

... S-saltly Nu- Banana? Juicy peach!?

She snorted loudly. "All of those things are far too healthy to reside under this roof. Want a twinkie? Pizza pocket? Uhhh... Mini Tacos?"

Surprise him? Oh, god, the gutter was back. She could definitely surprise him alright. She was pretty sure she still had some edible underwear around the apartment somewhere. How'd he react if she served those on a plate?

She stood to go do just that but stopped when he asked if she wanted to go for a swim on her own living room floor.

"Heck yes I would!"

She'd never even considered doing that before! Why not? Wasn't that what people like her were supposed to do?

She shoved all of the money she'd so not carefully split onto the floor and then stood and waited for him to join. She sure as hell wasn't about to go first in case it was another joke.

"Pants or no pants?" Wasn't that the question of the decade?

After waiting for a beat she sprawled herself on the pike of money and tried to like, make a money-angel? It was a bit uncomfortable while all still in bricks. Huh. Were they going to have to pull all the bundles apart?

She started doing just that and threw some bills in the air too. People did that in movies, right?

“You do you, girl!” Zek said, carefully setting Berry on the arm of the couch. He liked his pants - they had so many pockets! Then he pitched forward off the couch, dropped a ball on the murder bucket, and dove into the money pool.

He banged his elbows and forehead on the floor.

“Hahaha!” he laughed. His funny bone was in agony. “This is not as soft as I thought it would be!” he said through the burgeoning tears. He really needed to start thinking before he did some things. Turns out, money stacks were like little solid bricks and not basically tiny mattresses!

Zek looked over and Juniper (oh yeah, that was her name!) was making expensive money angels. He rolled away to avoid being clobbered by the waving arms and legs. In doing so, he ended up rolling off the money.

And then his partner in crime started busting the money out of its bonds. Zek’s face LIT UP. “Let’s make it rain!” he called and joined her in turning the bricks into singles ready to mingle. When he’d accumulated a large enough pile, he scooped it up in his arms and threw it into the air like little kids with leaves that just didn’t care.

He dropped balls on his sandals to vanish them and then flung himself back onto the money, where he began to just wiggle around and enjoy the luxury.

This was a most excellent adventure!

"Oh, hey, Juni, you left your door ope-" It had been a long day. One of those sort of days where you felt rushed through the whole thing, but at the same time it seemed to last forever. It was days like this that he could always count on being able to get home, cook something up, and wait for his neighbor to pop over to eat with him so he could tell her all about it.

That's what best friends did, after all. So, as he sat there, the Chicken Cordon Bleu he'd made slowly cooling, he frowned a bit. Hm... He could hear her over there; the walls were really thin. He tapped the table a little bit, shifted uncomfortably in his seat, tapped the table a bit more. Aaand, then he stood up and started wrapping up the plate of leftovers.

Moments later, he was walking on over to the apartment next door, plate of expertly prepared food in hand. He paused, however, when he realized the door was open.

Bring us now to the present.

The young hero stood at the entrance to the small apartment, eyebrow raised and jaw slightly agape as he spied Juniper and a strange man rolling around in a pile of money. He blinked a few times, furrowed his brow, and then nodded to himself, walking over to her coffee table, setting the food down, and wandering right on out. "Wow... strange dream..."