The day had finally arrived. Jonas Gerhart bust into the Alpha Team ready room and announced, ”I got one.” He had the widest grin.

The announcement was met with questioning looks from the rest of Blac-Tac’s Alpha Team until Charles Montgomery spoke up. ”They’re here?”

”He’s in the waiting room.”

”What are we sitting around here for? Renfield, get Hunter.” Charles said as he rose to his feet. ”Bring him to the conference room ricky-tick. It’s go time.”

With that, Charles Montgomery (Lumberjack) and Jonas Gerhart (Whirlwind) were off to collect the man from the waiting room. Chris Renfield (Sideshow) gave a mock salute to Lumberjack’s ass as he left before getting up to head to Ranger’s office.

---

”Hey boss.” Sideshow knocked on the doorframe of Ranger’s office as he opened the door. ”It’s game time.”

Ranger arched an eyebrow and looked up at Sideshow. The man was often playing some game with people, but his tone was far too serious to be some kind of joke. ”Which game?”

With the broadest of all possible smiles SIdeshow said, ”The world’s strongest.”

Ranger sighed and stood up from his desk. He gestured for Sideshow to lead the way. As they walked to the conference room Ranger rolled up his sleeves.

---

It had been a quiet day in the office for Blackforest Tactical. A good day to catch up on work. A day without any scheduled use of the conference room. Therefore it came as some surprise to Lumberjack that Jude was in the conference room with a stack of papers when stormed in with the rest of Alpha Team and a random guy wearing a suit in tow.

”Don’t mind us, Kid. We’ll be out of your hair shortly… Once I whoop Ranger.”

The men spread around the end of the table near the door. They had the random guy in a suit stand near the end of the table. The chairs were pushed out of the way. Everything was in place when Ranger entered the room.

”We are gathered here today to witness the true strength of all those present and how they compare with each other. To prevent any cheating,” Sideshow looked at Ranger who gave Sideshow an unimpressed look, ”we have the man of the hour, the one, the only… Uh, what’s your name?”

The man looking lost and confused stumbled over his name, “S-sean? I’m Sean.”

Sideshow continued. ”Sean! We have Sean here to ensure there is no mutation trickery and this is a true contest of strength. Jude as our witness, we will find who is the world’s strongest. Gentlemen! Take your places.”

At his directing Ranger and Lumberjack took to a corner of the table and assumed arm wrestling positions.


((Jude ))

The monkeys were restless. Something beyond the usual tomfoolery was going on here and it had made Jude feel anxious and vulnerable in his little cubby of an office. So, rather than be distracted by the tomfoolery, Jude had brought the dreaded files and paperwork along with his laptop into the conference room. It was soundproofed and ready for murdering a stack of papers. So it was a complete surprise when Gerhart walked some rando into the conference room. This was definitely not on the conference room schedule...

He looked at his computer and figured the tickets he was booking to get Alpha Team to Venezuela could wait. He had to make sure they weren't scaring the guy to death.

Jude scooted his papers out of the way becoming rapidly more alarmed as they spoke... until, that is, he figured it out.

The man wasn't a mutant. Jude could tell that much through his power, but what was odd was the way Sideshow kept registering as mutant, not mutant, mutant. He felt stupid once he'd finally put two and two together. Adapted. They'd found an adapted to keep the playing field level for their stupid dick measuring contest.

Or maybe it was brilliant. It would stop them from bickering about it later.

"Ten bucks on the Ranger."

"I will end you, shortstuff." Charles flexed, as a properly threatened alpha may want to do in the face of a challenge. Jude had to admit, his arms were pretty huge...

"I'll take that bet." And just like that, everyone else found a way to be invested.

Ranger smiled as Jude put money on him. It gave Ranger a little more confidence. Charles Montgomery was an ox of a man and even Ranger wasn’t sure if without his power he could beat him. The bet did get the rest of Alpha Team into it even more.

Taking their positions the pair of men locked their right hands and took hold of the edge of the table with their left hands. Sideshow put his hands on top of their right hands and counted down. ”Three… Two… One… GO!” He threw his hands out of the way as Ranger and Lumberjack both seemed to explode with effort.

Knowing that his fellow ranger was likely at least a little stronger than him, Ranger worked to twist his wrist more to face the back of Lumberjack’s hand more toward him and then curled his wrist in. The move gave Ranger a leverage advantage that he struggled to make sure of.

Veins popped out, grunts were made, and the table creaked some under the strain. The arms moved slightly one way and then slightly the other. Over time Ranger seemed to be losing ground as Lumberjack slowly drove Ranger’s arm down. There was a point where the arms stopped again before Ranger lost.

The team was going wild. They were sure they were about to see their hotshot boss lose to Lumberjack.

After a solid minute of constant work, the pair were breathing heavy. It was at that point that Ranger’s true advantage came into play.

He was smaller.

The sheer bulk of Lumberjack’s muscles were metabolically expensive. His technique was sloppier than Ranger’s, he was using raw power to try and win. After a solid minute of unending maximum intensity his muscles were screaming for a break. His motor units were exhausted and as they gave up Ranger made his comeback.

Slowly, the arms moved back the other direction. The cheering slowly faded from the peanut gallery as Ranger pressed his advantage and Lumberjack was leaning over trying to get below the table to stop what was coming.

Lumberjack’s knuckles touched the table.

All hell broke loose.

The men were all shouting. Lumberjack demanded to know how he lost. Ranger was rubbing his shoulder and arm which were crying out in pain. Sideshow was suggesting that Thomas Blair as the smallest of the group should wrestle Jude. ”He’s been working out, Bird, I’d put money on him.”

The men were at a stalemate for so long that Bird of Prey, his original taker, nearly squeezed the tendons out of Jude's shoulders. There were animals sounds from the crowd and they were all rough housing and joking from the sidelines, even while they focused on the moment.

If pressed, Jude would admit that he'd been sweating. Once Jude had thrown his money in the ring and all bets were agreed, it turned out to be a non-insignificant amount. His entire lunch budget for the month, in fact, should the Ranger lose. "C'moooooon. Papa wants filet mignon, not instant ramen." So he was right there with the rest of them jumping, scattering papers, and whooping when the tides started to ebb in his favor and the Ranger actually pulled it off.

He did it. In an adapted's aura. That was indi-f***ing-sputable. "In your face, Gerhart!"

Montgomery was blustering because his whole world was shifting in the wake of his loss. In the noise and chaos, Jude almost missed that he was being offered up as the next round of entertainment.

"Wait, what?" Someone had stuffed Jude's winnings in the waistband of his pants and the single dollar bills kept falling out the bottom of his pants leg.

"I was tell them that you were working out. I think you might have a chance."

"Oh shut up. Working out doesn't equate for experience and mass."

"You're never gonna get either if you only ever lift pencils."

Some encouraged, some teased, and somehow Jude ended up locked arm in arm with Blair and new bets were being taken. At 6'1' he really was the closest match for Jude's 5'10, but just because he was the smallest man there, didn't mean he didn't have 30 more pounds of muscle or so.

Jude tried; he really did. But there was no hope even from the beginning. He knew he still had a long ways to go... unless he could figure out a way to get crafty about it. Renfield was already negging Wahl into the next match. They all knew how this story ended.

"Looks like we need to feed you more." Jude strained, but his arm was dipping slowly but surely.

"Looks like taking you all for suckers helped on that front." He fought to keep their hands from twisting and the two stalled out for a breath or two. Jude wasn't the only one trying to control his breath.

"Let me know when you want a rematch." Jude's knuckles tapped the table. He'd fought the whole way, but really only managed to slow the other man down. A fire was lit in Jude, a renewed goal to get swol.

"Thanks. I will."

~~~
Of Medics and Healers - a Tomahawk Tale
~~~

Thump! Rattle, rattle, rattle. Thump! Rattle, rattle, rattle. Thump! Rattle, rattle, rattle.

Thump! A tomahawk slammed into a board that hung against a wall in Ranger’s office. Rattle, rattle, rattle. The board rocked around and smacked itself into the wall.

”And this doesn’t annoy whoever’s on the other side?” Demore Williams, callsign Token, asked. Looking from the board that Ranger and he had been throwing tomahawks at for the past half hour.

”That’s Jude’s desk. Haven’t heard a complaint yet.” Ranger shrugged and handed a tomahawk to Token.

”I… I don’t think not complaining is the same as not being annoyed.” Token tossed the tomahawk at the board. Thump! It bit into the deep and stuck. ”Might want to check in with the kid before he tries to kill you in your sleep.” Token advised.

Ranger gave the taller man a skeptical look. ”I think I’m safe from the kid f’r now. Y’ saw him as y’ came in.”

Token gave Ranger a look that said ’C’mon. Don’t be cocky,’ before throwing another tomahawk into the board. ”Kid don’t have to be Swolbraham Lincoln to get you, Hunter. In fact he has a better show since he’s not.”

Ranger went to pull the tomahawks out of the board, ”Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Ranger waved a hand at Token. ”I’ll watch out f’r poison an’ the tell tale red dots of TV snipers.”

”One of these days you’re gonna get shot and it’ll be from something that can get through that skin of yours. And I’m gonna laugh. I’ll stitch you up, sure, but I’ll laugh the whole time.”

”Speakin’ of stitchin’ people up, have y’ thought about my offer?” Ranger pulled the last of the tomahawks out of the board and walked them back over to his desk. ”The kid’s a healer but he idn’t goin’ into the shit with us most of the time. I need someone who can stabilize ‘em so they can make it back t’ Jude.”

Leaning back against Ranger’s desk, Token looked thoughtful. ”Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it. You know I wanted to really embrace the civilian life when I got out.”

”But the money…”

Token laughed, ”Yes. The money is good... Ain’t why I’m gonna do it though. You need me, Hunter. And when a friend asks for help, you help him."

”Thanks, Williams.” Ranger leaned over his desk to hit the line on his phone that went to Jude. ”Jude, can y’ bring in the paperwork we need to start onboardin’ Williams.” Then to Token he said, ”I know it’ll be a few more months before y’re clear of the military but we can always get y’ settled in here so y’ can hit the ground runnin’ once y’re a civilian again.”

Tax season was upon them, but apparently their payroll company didn't provide the 1099s. Jude was scrambling with one ear to the phone on hold, two hands on the keyboard emailing, and about 5 clusters of a burgeoning headache.

THUMP! Rattle, rattle, rattle.

Murder was blossoming in his heart as his eye started twitching. Cold, premeditated. He would make it hurt, thump, and then rattle.

"Ah- yes, I was calling about tax forms—" THUMP! Rattle, rattle, rattle. "—you're not the right department?" THUMP! Rattle, rattle, rattle. "Then, can you transfer me TO the right department?" THUMP! Rattle, rattle, rattle. He was sure his blood pressure was doing a thing. A bad, bad thing. "I need to know about sending out— no. You guys literally handle our payroll— Yes. I'll hold."

Thump. He stood so suddenly that Jude hadn't actually thought out what he was going to do, exactly. He just knew that it was going to end someone. Unfortunately, all it ended was Noel's careful trip through Jude's space on her way to the breakroom. She didn't even work here and yet... here she was... again.

"Whoa, tiger. Slow your roll." She untangled her feet from the legs of his chair and then caught sight of his face and phone and her tune changed. "Ooooh. Uh- You're stuck on hold, huh?"

He grabbed her shoulders, realizing for one of the first times that he had overtaken the boss' girlfriend in the height department. His eye twitched in time with the thumps, his neck kinked awkwardly in order to keep the phone in place.

"You will make Michael Hunter forget that tomahawks exist or so help me, I will burn this motherf-cker to the ground."

THUMP! Eye twitch. Rattle, rattle, rattle. Ranger piped over the intercom asking for papers and his eye twitched again.

Her eyes got wide when she realized that she didn't taste a single lie.

"I'm inclined to agree. Just a sec."

Noel hurried to grab coffee mugs and the entire coffee pot from the break room, worried that even that might be taking too long. She didn't work here. She didn't fetch and carry usually, but she figured that filling Michael's hands was bound to help the tomahawk situation. She scribbled a sharpie note as she walked and juggled things.

"Michael Blackforest Ninja Tomahawking Hunter, you best look me in the eyes before we have a murder scene." Jude said to make him forget. And the forgetting was likely to be temporary given the physical item being present in his office. She set the things down and one wiggly eye'd memory erasure later, Noel sighed in relief knowing that she'd just evaded some impending disaster. And realized there was a stranger in their midst. Oops. Maybe she shouldn't have done that right here, right now.

"Hi, I'm Noel." She offered her hand and noticed some black markings on the inside. Get them to go somewhere else. "Would... you... like a tour? Michael? Did you give him the tour?"

While waiting on Jude to bring in the papers, Ranger went back to throwing the tomahawks. Thump! Rattle, rattle, rattle. Thump! Rattle, rattle, rattle. Then the door opened. Ranger turned to set the remaining tomahawks on his desk. He turned back around expecting to see Jude with papers, ”Thank y’ Ju-” Ranger cut himself off. Instead of Jude, Noel had entered his office. She had a coffee pot, some mugs, and a command on her lips.

Noel used the mom strategy of using middle names to indicate the child was in trouble. Only, instead of using his middle name, Noel gave him a much more descriptive name. Catching onto the seriousness of the moment, Ranger did as she asked and looked her in the eyes. He also forwent his usual greeting when he saw her. While he normally did look her in the eyes as he trusted her not to just start deleting memories, it was an entirely new level of trust to look her in the eyes knowing full well she was about to remove something and he had no idea what.

Noel’s eyes danced and Ranger’s vision closed to just a tunnel where all he could see where Noel’s eyes. After a moment the fog lifted. Ranger had an odd moment that felt like he had just woken up. Noel had removed something from his memory.

It was then that Noel had noticed Token standing in the room. She introduced herself and Token shook her hand, ”Nice to meet you, Noel. I’m Demore Williams. Nice to put a face to a name.”

Noel asked about a tour for Token. Token looked at Ranger like Ranger had been denying him of a good time, ”There’s a tour?”

”Not yet.” Ranger said to Noel. Then noticing that she had brought in coffee he picked up the pot and a mug, ”Coffee then tour?” He asked looking from Noel to Token.

”Yeah, sure. I’ll take some coffee.” Ranger poured a mug of coffee and handed it to Toke. He poured another for himself and if Noel wanted one he would pour her one as well.

Ranger drank from his mug, ”Alright tour. This is my office, the only room in the whole buildin’ with any style. The rest of Alpha Team vetoed my ideas f’r the rest of the buildin’... I think Sideshow called my plans f’r decoratin’ ’A Texan fever dream that will attract more militias than governments.’ Everyone else agreed.” Ranger shrugged. It wasn't his fault he was the only person in the whole city that understood his down home aesthetic choices. 

Ranger waved for Token to follow as he walked out the door. He looked to Noel before he cleared the doorway. He wasn’t sure what she had erased but there was talk of murder. If she had done something to prevent it then there must have been a serious issue. ”Y’ joinin’ ‘r just want me t’ catch up with y’ later?”

On with the tour. First stop, ”This is Jude’s desk. That’s Jude. He pretty much keeps the place runnin’. A wizard with paperwork an’ a damn fine healer.” Then to Jude, Ranger said, ”When y’ get a chance y’ can just stick those forms on my desk… Just put them next… to... “ Ranger’s mind came up blank. It was like there was something there in his mind blocking him from a thought. He knew there was something on his desk but he couldn’t remember what. ”Uh… Just drop ‘em on the desk. We’ll take care of ‘em after the tour.”

~~~
Back to Kindergarten
~~~

Ranger sat in a chair at his desk staring at his feet. His cowboy boots sat beside the chair, a pair of combat boots were on his feet. There was no telling how many thousands of times Ranger had worn boots similar to them. Nothing was functionally different from what he had previously worn. They were not everyday wear like they had been several years before, but they were common enough. They certainly had nothing different going on with the laces. All of that combined to force Ranger to confront an incredibly embarrassing fact.

He didn’t know how to tie his shoes.

The shoes remained untied half an hour after Ranger had put them on. Not for lack of trying. He had attempted multiple ways to affix the laces to themselves and hold his boots on. Many of those ways resulted in annoying knots. Some looked like they might have been right, bunny ears and all, until he let go and they laces folded out into untied laces.

The reason he couldn’t tie his shoes was obvious. It had been less than a week ago that he and Noel had swapped back to their own bodies. Somehow, likely when kissing Noel, the memories for shoe tying were overwritten like on a VHS. Some memory of Noel’s was occupying the palace in his mind where he had learned to tie shoes. That or some skill he picked up was one that covered it. Whatever the case, it was gone. A sacrifice Ranger was okay making. He knew what the price was when he decided to kiss as Noel.

As humiliating as it was to not know how to tie shoes, Ranger knew someone who could help. Someone who knew about his time in Noel’s shoes… and feet. Someone who wouldn’t also be surprised by the small idiosyncrasies in his movements. While Noel, Ranger picked up a lot of memories from Noel. Add that to specifically practicing to sit, walk, stand, and in all other ways move as a lady and Ranger would often catch himself falling into those new-old habits when frustrated as he was now.

Ranger pressed a button on his phone to page the desk Evelyn Summers normally worked at. ”Hey, Evelyn. Can y’ come t’ my office. I need some help.”

The offices at BlacTac were more organized than they had probably ever been. Not that Jude hadn't done his best to keep things in order, but with a de-aged boss, and whatever chaos Ranger brought with him (tomahawk contests included) it was not unusual for something to go ...missing. Now, with Evelyn, things were never missing. She was able to track down a piece of paper like some miniature bloodhound, echoes keeping all of it organized in her computer of a brain and stashed for later.

Profits were up, and things were generally having a strong transition. "”Hey, Evelyn. Can y’ come t’ my office. I need some help.”

Well, mostly strong. Ranger still had some unusual problems the young girl was having to clean up, which seemed to be normal when your girlfriend liked to erase random parts of your memories.

Finishing up her last piece of paperwork, Evelyn scooted off her chair (someone had modified it to be tall enough for her to not need a stack of books) and found her way to see Ranger. The echoes clued in on the confusion and then the boots he was looking at, and she plopped down in front of one of the shoes, scooping up the laces.

"It looks like you almost had it," she remarked. Someone else might have thought it was an encouraging tone she had taken, but Evelyn lacked a lot of the people skills needed for encouragement. She tied the shoelaces slowly, then reached up and set her hand on her boss'.

"Here, watch this time."

While she could have explained bunny ears and loop-de-loops for him, there were easy ways to do this. She let the echoes pick up a memory of learning to tie her shoe laces, and let him tag along through the memory. Then she dragged him through the very recent memory of tying his own boots. She picked one more memory of tying shoes just so he could get the muscle memory back, then released him.

"Is anything else missing today?" She tapped her head, one eyebrow raised in question.

When Evelyn arrived, Ranger didn’t even have to tell her what the problem was. When she showed up she saw him and his laces that lay all discombobulated. Given why Ranger had most often called Evelyn to assist him, it likely was the easiest thing in the world for her or her echoes to decipher that Ranger couldn’t tie his shoes.

She said that it looked like Ranger almost had it. From Evelyn that was likely more a statement of fact than encouragement. Ranger took it as both. She tied one of the laces slowly as Ranger watched. It looked familiar, like he had seen other people do time and again. However, it lacked the familiarity of when you watch someone do something you know how to do.

Evelyn put her hand on his. Ranger knew what was coming. She said to “…watch this time” She showed him the memory of her tying his shoe and then another memory of her tying her own shoe.

It would help. The memories would give Ranger a better sense and feel of how to tie his shoes. Himself. Evelyn teaching in such a way also had the benefit of not creating some weird backwards event where a child is sitting there coaching an adult to do kindergarten things. Bunny ears and loops or snakes and so on.

Was easier on the pride.

Asking if there was anything else missing, Evelyn tapped her head. She meant memory wise, not paperwork wise. Ranger gave her a half smile. And said, ”Thanks… I don’ think I’m missin’ anythin’ else.” That he knew about. With learning makeup, walking in heels, piloting helicopters and more, Ranger had picked up a fair number of skills from Noel. Shoe tying marked two things Ranger was aware of losing. The first being driving skill. He had completely forgotten how to drive a standard. ”I do have one other issue though.” Ranger scooted in his seat and crossed his legs in a distinctly feminine fashion, ”I picked up a few habits while I was Noel. I need t’ unlearn them before someone else notices an’ puts two an’ two together…” Ranger trailed off as a thought hit him. Evelyn was someone who might know the answer to this question, ”Did… anyone else know Noel an’ I were switched?”

Evelyn watched as Ranger sat.

She cringed.

It was clear his manners were wrong, his head was stuck between the transitions and she tried to pick through her brain for a way to undo it. There were memories, sure, but who did she know who would be Texas enough to teach him body language again? Her brain was skimming for a movie, something, and then realized most of BlacTac was full of tough guys with guns. She would just have to....adjust things a bit. Her brain was already reorganizing information.

"The unlearning is going to be harder. We may need a few days to work on it. And, a lot of studying. Sadly I lack experience being a guy, so it's more of a trail and error," Evelyn decided. She could just show he comparison images of someone walking, Ranger walking, let the echoes correct, and painfully they would process the new information. Painful for Ranger. Evelyn was not doing the learning, thankfully.

She waved off his next question with a sigh. "And don't worry, the only one who noticed is Jude, and he already knew."

She saw a flash of surprise before Ranger spoke it, and paused, her posture lesson on hold. "Oh, you didn't know he knew. Should I have told you? Should I make sure he doesn't know we know he knows?" Ah, workplace secrets. Evelyn should have been more prepared for these sorts of things.

Considering Ranger left Jude in charge of so much, she didn't expect the information to be a big deal. But given the way Jude seemed to struggle at hiding his amusement when Ranger struggled to move in a female body...she would have thought it was obvious he knew something. Or, had Ranger assumed that was just Jude's push/pull relationship with his boss' girlfriend? Ah, adults. If only tying shoes were their only situation.

The good news was that Evelyn could help. The bad news was that it would take a few days of trial and error… and studying.

”I was hopin’ it’d be more like how I learned t’ move more like a lady, but it makes sense.” Ranger was not disheartened. All things that were worth doing took time.

While it wasn’t the best news, Evelyn’s answer to his other question was certainly worse. Jude knew. Jude knew? How did Jude know? It wasn’t so much a problem that Jude knew, but that Jude knew and was therefore able to not only rib Ranger about it but spread it around so everyone else could too. Ranger opened his mouth to question Evelyn about it but she cut him off.

”Yeah… I… Uh—I didn’t know he knew. I was tryin’ t’ keep that from gettin’ out. Had it gone on much longer I would’ve fessed up t’ him, but I thought it’d be easier f’r me long term if no one knew. Keep everythin’ movin’ along as it should while we figure it out. An’ keep Alpha Team in the dark. I can already hear the off-color jokes at my expense.” Ranger said with a dark laugh. Then Ranger paused for a moment before he answered Evelyn’s questions.

Jude knew. How did he know, how long had he known? Everything had carried on well enough while Ranger and Noel were swapped. A memory popped into Ranger’s head. At the wedding reception, Zaid had walked by and dropped an atomic lie. Had he been trying to test Noel’s power? Had he known?

”Yes? Y’ should have told me… Though y’ didn’t know I was tryin’ t’ keep everyone in the dark.” Ranger waved it off, ”It’s fine. Next time I’m runnin’ around as a lady, let me know if anyone finds out though.” Hopefully his time as Noel would be the last time. As Ranger had told Noel, where he comes from twice makes it a tradition. ”An’ let’s keep the fact I know he knows between us f’r now… How long has he known would y’ guess?”

Evelyn waited while Ranger decided how to answer. She should have told him, but it wasn't exactly her fault. That was good. But he wanted to know how long Jude knew, and that also brought a dilemma between ratting out a friend, and being honest with her employer.

"I will tell you next time, for sure. Do...you plan on running around as a lady again?" Evelyn tilted her head. He had mentioned that he had been a woman before, but that didn't entirely suggest why he would expect to be one again. Unless, he just expected the unexpected. Or, random things always seemed to happen to him. The later seemed plausible.

Her brain was processing at a fast enough speed he shouldn't notice her hesitation. But she still looked up at the ceiling, sighing dramatically. "Jude is my friend, I don't want him to be in trouble. If you didn't want him to know, and he did know, and I didn't tell you he knew...."

Ranger was quick to promise that he wasn't going to use the information against Jude, he just wanted to know how bad he looked. Evelyn giggled. Oh, he had looked bad. "I mean, I can't guarantee he won't tease you eventually. Because, he knew the whole time. I think he was just enjoying watching you try to hide it. Sorry." she hoped that was reasonable enough to keep her loyalties to both of them. She didn't have many friends, she didn't want to mess it up too fast.

Evelyn watched Ranger start to sit like Noel again, and reached out to correct him. Unlearning was certainly going to be more time consuming than the alternative...Especially if he kept fusinig with his hair like that...