"You know, for hundreds of years the Greek culture was really ahead of the game-"

Had it only been 20 minutes? Yeesh...

"-used to study mythology for a while back in college. I was really into the story of Perseus-"

Her second glass of tea crackled as she drained it dry, trying her best to look interested. How long did she have to stick around before it was acceptable to leave again?

"-the height of comfort fashion. Have you ever worn one? I think it would compliment your features in just the-"

Her phone beeped. She dizzily fumbled it out of her bag and peered at the notification that had popped up. A work email... joy.

'-you ever considered modeling? I think you would have the cheekbones for it! I know a guy who knows a guy who-"

The Greek, not wanting to be rude, gently interrupted the man by lifting one gloved hand to try and halt the slew of words that had been cascading out of his mouth since she had sat down. "Pardon me for just a moment. That is absolutely fascinating but I simply must go use the ladies room real quick. Hold that thought?"

She slipped from her seat just fast enough that is wasn't obvious she was fleeing and took her purse and phone with her.

After locking herself in a stall, she feverishly started texting Carol, who was wholly at fault for setting her up on this nightmare of a date in the first place.

'You are a horrible woman. Free me from this torment at once!'

She hit send and sat back for a moment to build up the courage she would need to  head back out there.

She hoped that the blond devil would give her some excuse to leave without looking like a terrible person.

She waited for a few minutes in pained silence, listening to other woman come and go from her stall. Carol didn't reply.

"Apó tous theoús, ti kólo! Poios ríchnei énan fílo stous lýkous étsi?!"

She shifted through the rest of her contacts for a moment, pondering on trying to call in Elliot to come help... but her eyes landed on a different name first.

Erik!

He had saved her once from and equally horrible fate, maybe he would be willing to again? She set about sending him a short but to the point plea for help.

'Erik, I need your help! I have been set up with the most awful date, and I need an excuse to get out of here! Can you be that excuse?? Please? I will reward you handsomely for your assistance!'

"Ah, Andrea! Welcome back. Say, has anyone ever told you that you are the spitting image of Medusa?"

To say Erik was doing nothing when the message came in was a grand overstatement. Everyone was always doing something. Even if that something was close to nothing. Erik however was halfway through some poor deluded ice cream parlors 'ice cream bucket' challenge. One scoop of every flavor the place had in a five gallon bucket. An event of which his participation would be admitted to absolutely noone ever except through a precisely worded question. Whatever semi gelatinous goop he had just spooned into  his mouth had a peculiar, but still digestible taste. Infrequent enough were text messages from anyone but his girlfriend that he immediately fished it out while spooning more cream into his mouth.

Seeing who sent him the text and its contents left him with some annoying feeling he couldn't parse in his chest. Half a minute later he had already responded with a ever lengthy and eloquent. 'Yes. OMW, where?' It wasn't everyday he got to rescue a beautiful woman! He surged to his feet and slapped enough money to pay for the failed attempt and then some on the table. Yelling a thank you at the shop owner as he sprinted out the door. It was the fastest he could remember ever getting his bike started and checked his phone as he got the location. After a quick reply back stating two numbers as an ETA he slammed on his helmet he peeled out of the parking lot with unrestrained enthusiasm. 

Some would say it wasn't such an emergency that justified going over the speed limit, weaving in and out of traffic, and running red lights. Erik would vehemently disagree before ignoring them completely or punching them in the jaw. He beat his best estimate by a good bit and before long tires squealing to a stop punctuated the quiet dining air as effectively as an air raid siren. Clad head to toe in leather and jeans he thought he struck a pretty imposing figure as he banged the door open loudly with the accompanying annoying belting of someone going "You can't park that there!" 

His helmeted figure surveyed the room before stomping over to Andrea and companies table with perfectly measured steps. All eyes were on him, probably in some morbid fascination as they suspected a hit was about to go down. As soon as he reached the table he made sure to stand between Mr. Awful and the goddess of New York. Casually he fished out his wallet and pulled out a large bill to smack it to the table. Holding it there he raised his visor and stared at the man and uttered one simple word. "Dutch." Turning to Andrea he held out a hand to help her out of her chair and gestured towards the door.  

"-So then Zeus, the lightening god, swings in as this giant swan and Leda-"

Her left eye was twitching. She was sure that she was about to pop a vein in her temple any moment now and fully welcomed the sweet embrace of death over this travesty she was being forced to partake in. This man had thus far taken her on a journey through her own culture and gotten a good 95% of it wrong, like he had googled it all before coming out to meet her. The 5% he had managed to so far get right had to do with the story he was currently regaling her with. A story about how Zeus seduced Leda in the form of a swan.

He was regaling her with a controversial story about bestiality, among other things.

If Erik didn't get here soon she was going to implode.

As if on cue, her knight in shining armor appeared just as Stephen, her date, got to the controversial bits of the story and she damn near broke the cup in her hands from how uncomfortable she was.

She didn't recognize him at first, seeing as he was bathed in enough leather to make all the vegans cry, and wearing a helmet. She started to get an inkling as to what was going on when he raised the visor though, and had herself primed and ready to launch out of her chair the second he offered his hand.

"Have a good night, Stephen, goodbye!" She uttered the words in a rush and made to all but drag Erik away as past as possible.

"Wait! But...um.. CALL ME!" Stephen shouted as they left, one hand up and weakly reaching for their departing backs.

(He would later take that bill, the silverware, and the napkin she used and escape out the back door into the night without paying)

Once they were outside and away from the prying eyes of the patrons inside, Andy fully broke down with a relieved sob.

"OH ERIK, You have no idea the torture you just spared me!" She clung to whatever arm of his was closest. "If I had to listen to that man for one more second I think I would have plunged a for into my own thigh to escape. It was so awful." For a moment she had a glassy eyes look as if she had seen some terrible war play out before her. She shook it off quickly.

"But now you are here and I am saved! What do I owe you, my knight in... leather armor?"

Now that the bit of hero business was done and concluded Erik lamented there was no class for 'how to deal with distressed nearly hysterical women.' It was a course one simply learned by blindly navigating through the same situation time and time again. Too bad for Erik it was a first of his. The helmet hiding eyebrows that would have fell completely off if they hadn't been attached. "Dating equivalent of kitchen nightmares huh?" Jokes were usually appropriate for diffusing tense situations. The knot in his stomach threatening to implode for the sheer awkward clinging he was being subjected too. He attempted to pat her in what could charatbly be construed as a reassuring manner. 

"Better rain check the reward and get out of dodge while we can before he decides to come dramatically come chasing after you." Given the apparent severity of the circumstances he couldn't discount that possibility. Someday he would have to look up what that particular metaphor was referencing. It seemed appropriate regardless. "Plus I brought my bike. Did you need a ride home?" Blatantly ignoring the man who was scowling at him for parking right on the sidewalk. Extracting a spare riding jacket from a saddlebag and shot her the best questioning look he could under the circumstances. He wasn't entirely certain one could wrangle snakes into a helmet and he wasn't about to assume.

She nodded enthusiastically at him. He was right of course! If they stood around too long her unfortunate date might come out to investigate. "Heavens yes, I need to flee." She wobbled slightly on her feet. It felt warmer outside than it rightly should have, and she was a little... dizzy?

"If you do not mind terribly, a ride would be wonderful. I walked here and... I am suddenly not feeling myself at all." She was likely to stumble out into traffic at this point if she tried to walk home.

"I probably should have eaten something while in there but my appetite ran away the moment he started talking. All I could stomach was tea."

She accepted the jacket from him and slipped it on.

It just about swallowed her whole. Where had her fingers gone!?

Struggling to get her hands comfortably out the ends of the sleeved, she turned to stare apprehensively at his bike.

"I have never ridden on one of these before. Where are the seat belts?"

That was... concerning. Had the man used some sort of drug on her?! If he found out that was the case the man would end up living the rest of his days with a severe limp behind bars. He didn't bother attempting to smile given his helmet. "When you call Erik you get a full service rescue. No halfway measures." The little wobble in her stepped made him close the distance to make himself available for grabbing onto. Tea? "Completely understandable we can order some pizza once we get you home. What sort of tea was it?" His concern for his... well friend he guessed was growing deeper. It had nothing to do with the odd feeling in his chest whatsoever.

Erik blinked and he looked from the bike to her and back again as if trying to determine she was making some joke. "There are none." He slowly ventured, the man who had been pestering him about parking snickered and Erik glared. "Don't you have cars to park in hell somewhere?" In a tone that could have given hell a nuclear winter. He looked to her dress and decided the jacket was long enough to prevent any voyeuristic accidents as far as panties were concerned Otaku's everywhere were weeping at his chivalry. 

"Well Andrea you see there are no seat belts. I sit down then you sit down behind me and hold onto me. I highly suggest you hold on tight, but I will take it nice and slow. There is absolutely nothing to worry about. You trust me right?" Taking a seat and offering her a hand after making sure the coast was clear. "Just swing a leg over and make sure to sit on the jacket." Thankfully he was in 'save a person' mode otherwise this entire situation would have him internally screaming and running away. 

She blinked up at him, curls of black hair framing her face swaying slightly. "Um... it was the only tea I could fine on the menu. Long island iced tea, I think? I didn't want a juice or anything. Too sweet."

How many had she had? Three? That sounded about right.

"Gosh, I haven't ordered pizza in a long time! That sounds like a great idea! ...I always feel so bad for those poor delivery people having to come all the way up to my apartment."

The Greek blinked at him mutely as the cogs rolled away in her head, interrupted by the presence alcohol. "..O-oh."

Her cheeks gradually dusted with a pale wave of brown as she blushed and she pointedly looked away. She would have to sit behind him and hold him in lieu of a seat belt. That was... oh.

She briefly considered walking again, until an ankle just about folded in on itself and she was forced to grip his offered arm in order not to land on her butt.

Motorcycle it was!

"I trust you with my life, Erik." She watched him get on, worrying her bottom lip slightly as she waited. Then it was her turn. Andrea took the offered hand and lifted a leg up. Her mount wasn't as smooth as his, seeing as she scooted too far on and nearly fell off the other side.

With a squawk the Greek latched onto him, her arms snaking around and hands locking around her wrists to keep her securely on.

Of course, this presented her with another problem. She was forced to lean on him with her cheek pressed on his back, seeing as her arms were so dang short. She was glad he couldn't see the shade her face had turned while she burrowed into the over sized jacket.

"I live at Brooklyn Heights, on 111 Lawrence St."

Oh dear... had she cleaned the house up enough to have guests over?!

Long island iced tea? For some reason that sparked some recognition which he found as extremely odd as he was pretty sure long island didn't have the correct tea growing climate. In fact he was pretty sure there wasn't even a farm on long island. Then it struck him as sure as a brick crashing into the side of his head. A conversation the guys at work were having. They were heading to a bar and the guys were ribbing him about enjoying long islands instead of something more 'manly'. 

"Uh, Andrea.. I am about 99% certain Long Island Teas have alcohol in them." He reserved the last one percent for some sick individual who would give someone a tea the same name with no alcohol. 

Then she blushed realizing the predicament and normally Erik wouldn't have felt the slightest bit of trepidation about the situation, but seeing that appearance of brown on her cheeks prompted the same on his own and he was infinitely grateful he was wearing a full helmet. 

The adorable moment was broken up a bit by him having to save her from ruining any part of her delicate body from hitting the harsh NYC concrete and once again as she almost took herself getting onto the bike. 

His heart did a little backflip he didn't really grasp the understanding of as she uttered her complete trust of him. Mentally he smacked himself into the present and most serious situation.

"I remember. Just hold on and I will get you there safe. You have an elevator there right?" Waiting for what he hoped was an affirmative yes before he got the motorcycle rumbling. He gave a reassuring squeeze of her hands and glanced behind him to make sure everything was as good as it could be, snakes included. His departure far less Mad Max then his arrival. If something happened to her on the way he was certain he wouldn't forgive himself. When he was able his hand drifted to hers to help hold her to them and add a bit of reassurance he felt they both probably needed. Surely the night couldn't get any stranger.

ALCOHOLIC??

"Oh no." It came out like a little squeak and she involuntarily gripped him harder. "I had THREE of them! I can't handle alcohol at all, this is awful!"

She was already living glimpses and snippets of the last time she had drank something. There had been table dancing and shouting, and she was pretty sure a large gay man named Mark had become her best friend for a few hours.

She buried her nose between Erik's shoulder blades and moaned weakly.

"Yes, there is an elevator not to far from my door."

She wondered if Elliot would be home. How embarrassing! She didn't even drink at home!

While he was focused on driving she focused on trying to feel out that tipsy-drunk feeling and squash it as much as she could. She didn't need to go embarrassing herself in front of a friend like a fool, after all.

Instead, all she could focus on was the fact that she was getting progressively warmer and warmer, and-

OHHEWASHODINGHERHAND

And then she tensed up like a stretched sea anemone who had been poked. This was new. People didn't touch her. Who would, she had snakes on her head?

The rest of the ride saw her internally obsessing over the slightest human contact.

Meanwhile... Sloth was drunk. All of the snakes were, but Sloth was the biggest and had the most reach.

He slithered on up Erik's arm, wrapped slowly around the base of his neck and curled oh-so-lovingly up right next to an ear.

And then he flicked his tongue directly inside of it.

If SHE thought it was going to be awful he well and truly didn't want to know how utterly bad it was. He wasn't sure he had ever heard her say anything that negative about anything.. well except the date she just had.

At least he wasn't going to have to find some way of awkwardly getting her up 100's flights of stairs. Then he felt her tense up and then HE tensed up cause he thought she was about to flip backwards. "Whoa what was that are you ok?!" He couldn't spare a look as some ride service driver cut him off and flung rude gestures towards him. He exercised his perfect New York etiquette of which he was required and showed the man the exact way the signal was meant to be used by extending his own middle finger. 

Squeamishness didn't even register on Erik's list of 'crap to be bothered with'. One did not casually take bullets and lose the occasional digit without also quickly losing that part of yourself. He did note however the very unique texture of snake scales on his neck, not entirely unpleasant. The tongue intruding its way into his ear however caused the matching eye to wig out slightly. A slight unrequired overcorrect of his steering he cleared his throat loudly.

"Whoa uh not right now if you please ms snake.. Uh Andrea which of your snakes is kissing me?" There it was.. just a simple block away to avoid catastrophe and crashing an- there it did it again! The involuntary q-tip shuddered through his body and the motorcycle wobbled uncertainty for a heart wrenching moment. No snake was going to make him a liar! Sure it took yet more utter disdain for typical motorist niceties as 'speed limits' and 'red lights,'  but he got them to the adjacent parking area and hurried to stop the bike. 

"We made it." He sighed in in extreme relief to noone in particular. 

He tensed up, she tensed up even more. "I am fine!" She squeaked again, both terrified of him catching on to why she was tense and actually falling off the bike if she pulled away. She had seen enough motorcycle injures in her time to know it was no laughing matter.

"K-Kissing?!" She jerked up suddenly, pulling Sloth along with her a little and caught sight of who was accosting her savior. "S-SLOTH!" The next words that tumbled from her mouth were in her mother tongue, and enough to shame the intelligent big boa into backing down slightly.

Or at least enough that it removed it's tongue from Erik's ear.

"I am so sorry! We share the same blood, so if I am drinking, then so are they. Sloth can be a shameless flirt."

When they pulled up in front of her place she had never been more relieved. Maybe now she could stop thoroughly embarrassing herself?

She moved to try and get down.

Sloth refused to let go of Erik.

More Greek cussing ensued to no avail.

She thumped her forehead on his back with a small whispered 'why me' and wished for all the world that death would swoop in and take her now.

Sloth flicked it's tongue innocently and continued it's efforts to get back into Erik's helmet.

Kissing was probably a bit of a misnomer and tonguing sounded even worse then that. It was even really hissing that much as far as he could tell. Erik barely knew enough Greek to order gyros at his favorite place. That of course didn't stop him from guessing what was said and the tone sounded like a slightly buzzed mother chewing out a kid. At least he learned the name of the VERY friendly snake.

"It is fine. Life is all about new experiences. Like knowing what a snake tongue in my ear feels like." Erik felt he was missing something very important then it dawned on him.. if Sloth was a shameless flirt.. how bad was Lust? "Don't you have one name Lu-gak!" She tried to hop off the bike and the tension had cause Sloth to choke him a bit. "Uh yeah hold on."

The greek seemed to be  the most wrung out drunk he had ever had the misfortune of crossing paths with. "Aw It is ok Andrea she is just being friendly." He pulled off his helmet and set it on the handlebar so he could reach up and rub Sloth's head gently with a little chuckle. The other patting her knee reassuringly. Imparting feelings of reassurance was not his usual forte but he gave it his all. "Your just trying to make friends aren't you?" He returned the affection by nuzzling his cheek into the snake a bit. "If your going to cling I guess we'll just have to figure something out." Erik spent a moment in deep problem solving mode and decided there was nothing to be done about it. 

"Have you ever been given a piggy back ride Andrea? I think that is our best bet here with your Sloth being friendly. Of my many talents I am not a snake whisperer and even if I was I think drunk snakes are outside that realm of expertise." Was there anyone who had even heard of a drunk snake? PETA probably had. It was either that or be drunk outside in the chill. He had a fair guess where he would put his money. She didn't seem to be much of a drunk let alone an public drunk. 

She listened to him talk while simpering pathetically from behind. Her night had started off so hopeful, and then taken a sharp and quick downward turn basically the moment she left her apartment. Honestly, she shouldn't have left at all.

Then again, if she hadn't have left she wouldn't have had an excuse to meet with Erik again, and she always did so enjoy her visits with him. He was such a charming man!

A very charming man who was petting Sloth, which she could feel and was sending the strangest and most pleasant sensations running over her skin. That was new! The deep brown blush that overtook her face left her feeling like she was on fire. She was glad it was still hidden in his back.

OH

HIS HAND WAS ON HER KNEE

(Catastrophic failure of engine bay 2 imminent! Begin emergency cooling operations at once!

The cooling system is on fire, Captain!

Break out the fire extinguishers!

...Those are also on fire, Captain...

Abandon ship, everyone! I will stay behind to manage the blast!)

A miniature nuclear explosion took place locked away behind her eyes, complete with a mushroom cloud and rolling shock wave.

The Greek was shocked into a stunned, frozen state from the sheer amount of foreign physical contact she was receiving and not knowing how to process it all.

She remained a petrified statue while he spent his time nuzzling sloth and pondering the situation.

Her soul physically departed when he brought up piggy back rides.

But then a curious thing happened... She giggled. The scale for the amount of alcohol in her system finally tipped in favor of Silly!drunk, kicking Paranoid!drunk to the curb.

It also helped that all of her brain cells had died valiantly in that explosion.

"It has been y-years since I have had a piggy back ride!" Her blush was still present, but the silliest grin broke out over her face. With Sloth still clinging, she drunkenly started trying to aid the process of getting herself into prime piggy back position. Off went her heels, clutched loosely in one gloved hand.

Once she was on she went ahead and just burrowed in, mistaking the sudden shivering that had overtaken her from nerves for being cold.

Erick was such a nice, nice... nice nice nice man. So helpful. So warm. Like a personal space heater! But like... bigger and human shaped. She giggled to herself and perched her chin on his shoulder, next to an ear.

"S-sorry about being so jumpy." She was genuinely sorry. Poor Erik had been so caring the whole time while she was worrying her little head off about everything.

"S'just that I do not do this very often. Touching and cuddling and... stuff." Lust made an appearance then, popping out now that she was close enough to zoom into Erik's face and rub itself all over him like the hussy it was.

"I wish sometimes I could be more like that one. That is lust by the way."

Blissfully unaware of his effect on the inebriated goddess and internal meltdown he marched like a dutiful soldier in making sure she made it home safely. A task he realized was going to be much much more difficult once they both realized alcohol was involved. He couldn't recall if the woman had EVER drank even during the social events she organized. For some reason he had the oddest sensation he should have paid more attention even if he had been there solely to keep her and the people there safe.

As he nuzzled the friendly snake he could of swore he smelled something burning for a brief moment. Andrea had frozen up, rigidly clinging to his back and Erik too it as just her taking stock of the situation as best as her soaked brain allowed her too. The giggle should have been a terrible chime of some horrible cataclysm that was to come complete with a heavy metal rift and satan laughing in the background. As it stood Erik found it incredibly beautiful and endearing. Not at all like the fake laughs she sometimes doled out when mingling with potential investors at charity parties. 

"Not typically a thing adults do so I am not surprised, but we are rather lacking in options. Might as well make the best of it." He hadn't even halfway finished speaking and she was clambering over him like a kid on a most abused piece of playground equipment. For better or worst she seemed to have relaxed into her being carried. The feel of her breath near his ear sent a shiver down his spine he ignored with practiced ease. 

"Aww it is fine Andrea. It has been a trying night for you." Was she.. stuttering? Alcohol induced stuttering was new on him. Then again nothing had really been inside his realm of experience for the last half hour! 

Wait what else did she just say? Erik supposed very loosely defined they were.. cuddling and touching at least one way. "Nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has different experiences." Closing his eyes some as lust nuzzled into his face as he made sure the bike was going to be ok once he stood up for the both of them. He chuckled a bit and attempted a little nuzzle back. "Just try not to cover my eyes please lust." 

Erik was for properties sake very very careful not to put his hands on his her butt to lift them off. Conflicting feelings be damned he wasn't about to do that to her. Grasping under her thighs he simply stood up reversed how he had managed to get onto the bike. Only with a living snake backpack. She was lighter then he really expected her to be and almost over compensated but caught himself and started the walk to her condo. 

"What do you mean? I happen to like the way you are." With a moment of thought he leaned forward some so she couldn't easily flop backwards.

She was so far gone the feel of someone touching the very back of her legs didn't even register. In fact, she relaxed into the sensation of being cradled even more. Erik had leaned forward a tad bit so that she was fully resting on him. She wriggled her way up a tiny bit more and linked her arms around his neck. It was easy from that position to nuzzle her own face into the crook of his neck while looking for comfortable place to lay her head.

She flushed happily at the notion that he liked her for her. It made her stomach do a weird little flip flop. She focused on it through the other thoughts flitting about in her head.

Ahead of them the elevator came into sight.

"That is so sweet of you to say!" The Greek turned so her other cheek was resting on his shoulder. "I like you the way you are too!" Another giggle.

Her lips might have grazed his ear a little bit.

"Ever since I first met you. You are so kind, and caring, and... " She paused, letting out a little breathy sigh and her blush deepened. "How'd you get to be so amazing, huh?"

Her nose met neck. She cuddled in to hide her embarrassment,