The fact that he was sitting there, staring at his coffee and admitting that it was getting hurt that he was afraid of told Lee that Blaine was really taking in what she was saying. She gave him a sad smile. "No, you don't feel physical pain," Lee said softly. "That doesn't mean that you don't get hurt."

And then there was silence, only disturbed by the noise from the TV. And in that silence, Lee saw that Blaine's hands had started shaking. Reaching her own hand out slowly, Lee placed her hand on Blaine's wrist. And just sat there looking at Blaine for a moment. "I think everyone is scared to try a relationship," Lee finally said. "Most just do it enough that the fear isn't as strong.

"Plus, when they blackballed you," Lee went on to say, a small smile on her face. "How many of them were mutants?"

"I know...That's why I play the tough guy," he murmured, looking down at her hand on his wrist. He set the coffee cup on the table before moving his hand so that it was--somewhat awkwardly--holding hers. Once again, he just looked at it, both focusing on not hurting her and trying his best to imagine what it must have felt like.

"Still, I couldn't imagine doing it once, much less doing it over and over," he murmured. Then, he looked over at her, thinking about her next question. "To my knowledge? None. But that didn't make it hurt any less. Hell, even mutants seem to think I'm some sort of weirdo," he murmured, using his free hand to drink the rest of his coffee.

Though it did sort of strike him odd that he was sitting on his couch and holding hands with his boss. Granted, it was helping. As long as he looked down and remembered he was doing it.

"And others have one night stands to avoid getting hurt," Lee pointed out, her eyes dropping as she felt Blaine's hand moving to hold hers. It felt slightly awkward, so Lee shifted her hand slightly to hold Blaine's easier, glancing up at him briefly to see a look of concentration on his face. "Just relax, Blaine," Lee whispered, glancing down at their hands before looking back up. "You didn't break those bottles, you're not going to hurt me."

Then Blaine looked up at her for the first time in a while, and Lee shook her head at him. "I'm not saying you need to over and over. But the only way that you might find that person is to at least be open to it. And I understand that it must have hurt. I can't even imagine how it would feel to be outed like that. But at least the mutants I've met tend to be more accepting than people in general."

"From where I'm sitting, a one night stand would probably make it that much worse," he blurted; he meant it as a joke, but after he said it, he wasn't too sure anymore. He watched her shift her hand, and he took a few soothing breaths, closing his eyes for a moment. She seemed to trust him more than he trusted himself. And it had only been a week.

He opened his eyes. "Yeah, I know. But 'open' isn't usually something I'm good at. The only reason I've said this much to you is because...well, I've never met anyone who actually came close to understanding what I've been through. And...well to be honest, I've been sitting on this stuff for years now." He leaned back against the couch, looking up at the ceiling again.

"The mutants I've met lately do seem more accepting, not that I've really given them much to accept," he gave a nervous laugh.

Yeah, a one night stand would probably be worse. Even for her, no, she had ended up investing much more than she should have, more than she had wanted to, into what should have been a very casual thing with Jay. Apparently she couldn't do casual.

But at least Blaine was attempting to relax, Lee noticed, as she heard him taking a couple slow, deep breaths. And his grip on her hand even loosened slightly to a more comfortable pressure. "It does feel really good to really be understood," Lee agreed, looking back at Blaine again to see that he was staring up at the ceiling again. But his hand was still holding hers. "Even after all the years we'd been together, all the times I tried to explain, my ex never really understood some of the things I tried to explain to him."

Shifting on the couch so she was leaning back beside Blaine, close enough to still hold his hand, Lee just sat there for a moment. Sat there on a couch holding the hand of a man who couldn't feel it. "Experiments," Lee finally whispered with another small, though this time lopsided, smile. "In my experience, the best way to figure things out is by experimenting. That, and baby steps."

He stared up at the ceiling for awhile as he thought about everything she'd said; everything she was saying. All the while, he was reminding himself that there was a hand in his. It was odd, and it would take a lot of getting used to. After a few moments, he let go, crossing his arms across his chest as he sat up once again.

"It does feel really good," he murmured, once again looking over at her. "But at the same time, I still don't think I'm ready for that kind of thing. I don't even know where I'd begin. On top of everything I've already said. I do appreciate the help, I really do," he paused a moment, breathing a sigh through his nose. "But I don't think I'm ready," he repeated, "This is a lot to take in...a lot to process. And, I don't know if I can handle it."

They sat in silence for a while, still holding hands. Every so often, Lee would glance sideways at Blaine, and she could tell that he was thinking, really thinking, about what they had been talking about. But then Lee felt him pulling his hand away, so she released it, watching as Blaine proceeded to cross his arms across his chest.

And he proceeded to tell her that he wasn't ready, that he didn't know if he'd ever be ready. ”Of course you're not,” Lee said quietly after a few moments. ”It's a complete shift from everything you've thought about yourself for years. But I'm here if you ever want to talk, or just want some company while you think.”

He gave a quiet nod, his mind still mulling over everything. Honestly, he would have held onto her hand longer if he at least knew what it was like. He didn't even feel a numbness; there was just....nothing. As void as the hole in his heart.

How did this turn into a discussion on relationships? " he wondered briefly before looking back to the TV. The fight was over and now it was some weird infomercial.

"Company is...nice, " he murmured as he smiled softly.

Company was nice, Lee couldn't help but agree with Blaine. ”I don't know about you, but I always feel so much less lonely when there's someone else there, even if they happen to be asleep, when I'm stuck awake thinking.”

Then Lee let the room lapse back into silence, except for the TV. But a moment later, Lee wrinkled her nose. ”You don't mind if we find something else to watch, do you? I've watched enough infomercials to list a lifetime.”

"I don't really do the whole...company thing much. Or...ever, " he admitted. Then, with a laugh, he added, "Pretty sure if someone was asleep next to me, I wouldn't be able to sleep. "

Then the room was overshadowed by the infomercial, and he nodded as he handed her the remote. She flipped through the stations, and he used the opportunity to close his eyes and think. While the idea of a relationship was beyond his grasp, he had to admit this was....different. Mostly a good different,aside from the talk of feelings and stuff.

”I don't often, either,” Lee said as she started flicking through channels on the TV. At one point, she had this down to a science, when to change to what channel to be able to watch the least terrible late night TV possible. Now, not so much. ”But my son and now my sister live with me, so at least there's people there.”

And Blaine was saying that he didn't think he'd be able to fall asleep if someone else was there. ”Well, in a lot of ways it is more intimate than simply having sex,” Lee whispered, starring at the tv as she spoke. ”But even just energy-wise, I don't think I'd be able to any time soon, either. Even when I want to, am ready to, I need to get used to having more energy, and to be siphoning, while trying to fall asleep. It takes time and practice.”

And more changing stations. Leaving the room quiet other than the tv. After finally finding something to watch, some old sci-fi tv rerun, Lee glanced over at Blaine. ”So, what do you do to keep busy when you're not working or training?”

He watched the TV as the channels flickered from one to another; late night television really did suck. As more of a night-body, he knew full well how hard it was to find something, and he rarely did, actually. He sighed again, looking down at the coffee table for a moment. "I honestly wouldn't know about either of those. I mean, sex is...let's say it's really weird for me and leave it at that," he said with a nervous laugh.

He decided the sci-fi rerun would be good enough, and was thankful when she asked what else he did when he wasn't working or training. Normally, he would have dodged the question, but at this point, it was a welcome escape from an awkward sex conversation with Lee. Standing up, he walked to the desk and grabbed one of the notebooks before sitting down next to her again, this time a little closer as he opened the book.

"I...draw," he said hesitantly before putting the book gently on her lap. This particular notebook was more recent; only a quarter filled. In it were sketches of the skyline, people he passed and/or fought, and a sketch of the front of the bar that was dated three days ago. He bit his lip a little, slightly nervous at what she'd think. Usually, he kept his artistic tendencies hidden.

Sex was really weird for him. Lee didn't ask, didn't even look over, she could hear the nervousness in his laugh, and if it were her in that position, she wouldn't want to be looked at at the moment. But Lee did think about that comment as she settled on the sci-fi show and set the remote down. So much about sex was touch, was feeling things. With the right person, there would be a lot of emotion too, but without being able to feel the physical contact… Yeah, that would be weird and awkward.

Then she asked what else he did, and Blaine silently stood up, causing Lee to frown. It couldn't have been that bad of a question, could it? Especially not after what else they had talked about. But a moment later, Blaine was returning to the couch, sitting a bit closer than he had been, with a notebook.

No, with a sketchbook, Lee corrected herself as Blaine opened it and set it on her lap. Silently, Lee flipped through the pages for a minute, before looking up at Blaine with a smile. ”You're pretty good,” she said. ” I like them.”

He smiled softly, relaxing considerably as she flipped through the book, and it widened as she finished and told him she liked them. "Thanks," he said quietly, again looking at her, then going back to the book, then back to her. "I've never really shown anyone before. But...I've done a lot of things for the first time tonight, so why stop now?" he said with another semi-nervous laugh, settling in and looking at the television again.

Now, he wasn't nearly as on edge as he was previously, in fact, he seemed much more relaxed, maybe even happy. He kept the thoughts from earlier at the back of his mind, just trying to enjoy the moment. Like she'd said: Baby steps. If he couldn't enjoy this moment, he'd never be able to handle anything more.

”They really are good,” Lee said, smiling wider when she saw the smile on Blaine's face. Only for the smile to slip a bit in surprise before widening again. ”You've really never shown anyone? Thank you.”

Turning back to the sketchbook, Lee flipped through the pictures again, slower this time, to get a better look at them. They really were good, Lee didn't stand a chance of drawing anything that well. And this time she actually recognised the bar for what it was, not simply just a building. She smiled again, leaning back against the couch, tucking her legs up beside her on the opposite side from Blaine.

This was nice, Lee couldn't help but think. And definitely much more relaxed than the entire rest of the night had been.

And this was what Blaine didn't know yet, what she hadn't known when she'd been in his position. This was what a lot of a relationship was, simply opening up and being together.