Some bad guys just did not know when to quit.

Maya was not even sure where this one had come from. Maybe from the other side, where the X-men were less official? Or some other weird pocket dimension where people could get away with pulling old movie retro bank heists in broad daylight in the middle of New York City?
To be fair, the dude had the look, at least. Maya had to give him that. As long as by look all parties understood a classic creature feature aesthetic, anyway, since this one had a swarm of tentacles whipping out in all directions, as well as a suit jacket (with two random tendrils jammed into the sleeves) and a fashionable fedora on an octopus-like head.

Most of the inside of the small bank was trashed by now. Maya had been circling the arch-idiot for long minutes, shooting arrows and pinning various tentacles, dodging others as they whipped out with considerable force and some sort of green goop (there was always green goop), and she was finally running low on arrows. The dude was tired too, mainly folding in on himself.

"Just give up" Maya snapped, annoyed, aiming her next arrow while standing on the counter "This was a bad idea before you walked in here."

Outside the remaining glass windows of the building, an audience was slowly gathering.

Winnifred Ann Wickham

Winnie was not stupid. She wasn’t one of those people who ran headfirst into danger just so that she could be on the know of what was happening. Rather, she was more careful with her precious, precious life. If she was going to risk her curvaceous butt for anything, it damn well better be worth it. Information was not always worth it...but money, well, that was a different story.

Being a freelance photographer, it meant freedom but it also meant that she didn’t have the most stable of income. That was why, when an opportunity presented itself, that she was going to just let it go to waste. Rather she was going to do what she needed to to ensure that she could afford her rent and gas for the week -- even if that meant running into the belly of the beast.

She didn’t start out the day looking for trouble. Rather, trouble had just happened to occur across the street. While strolling down the sidewalk, dressed in her dark jeans, a blouse of cream, and a slate-gray fedora atop her crown of pixie cut honeyed hair, the young woman with a bag strapped across her shoulders paused when she heard screaming. Across the street, at a bank, she could see that a crowd had begun to form.

Winnie didn’t often take photographs of crime scenes but they could be a quick source of income to news stations and papers. She was sure that they were probably already being flooded with shaky footage or grainy pictures, but this intrepid young woman just so happened to have her camera sitting in her purse.

Once she learned what was transpiring inside, she knew she had to try to get a picture. An X-Man versus some tenatcled mutant? How could she not try to get a shot? Slipping away from the crowd and looking for the quickest way she could get in close, Winnie went on the search.

It didn’t take her long to find a dark alcove that the police officers had forgotten to place a man on. As she faded into the shadows, Winnie slowly made her way around until she found a window that had apparently been broken in the melee. Pulling off her jacket, she wrapped it over the broken edge of the window and very carefully climbed through. She could feel the points of the glass attempt to cut into her body but her jacket managed to snag most of the shards. When she finally shimmied in, Winnie plopped onto the ground and hefted up the camera that she had hanging from around her neck.

Staying low, Winnie crept into the darkened corner of the bank, listening to the sounds of battle occurring within the building. When she finally got to a good vantage point, Winnie peeked out, her stormy eyes falling onto the scene. It was definitely a photo op.

”Wicked…” she whispered in her soft English accent. A grin on her lips, Winnie lifted her camera and started to snap a few photos. This was going to be sooo good.

Tentacle Guy was definitely not staying down. Maya was keenly aware of what this whole scene must have looked for an outside observer - a woman dressed in a form-fitting uniform, battling an octopus-like creature in a shiny setting... was that anime music in the background?... Either way, she was not a fan of making a spectacle out of herself while at work. Thanks to Maxine, she had been recorded doing X-men things often enough, and it never got better with time. She wanted to shut this failed mess of a heist down fast, and get out the minute MRC showed up with their creepy robots in tow.

A tentacle slashed at her ankles, and she jumped, turning in the air and landing in front of the counter, shooting another arrow into the offending appendage close-range.

"What part of stay down was not clear?!" she snapped at the guy who was making gurgling-whining noises (or however octopuses tended to express pain and frustration, Maya was not sure what all that was about. She was also not sure if this dude could regrow tentacles or some other nasty trick... or even how to tell when this fight was really over. In order to shut things down short, she pulled another arrow, one she had added to her collection recently, courtesy of buggy META bots - this one came with a mild electric shock, not enough to kill, but definitely enough to stun. She just hoped it worked on marine life forms as well...

... it apparently did.

There was a sudden moment of silence, and a mass of tentacles on the marble floor. Maya held her breath, waiting for movement, or signs of unexpected trouble coming her way... which did happen, a moment later, in the form of a mechanical click from directly behind her. Maya drew the arrow with the same movement she turned around with, and shot it mere inches away from the pixie-haired girl's left ear.

This was definitely more than she expected to find. An X-Man battling a tentacle monster? Not only that but a pretty hot X-Man battling a tentacle monster? Winnie wasn’t a big fan of anime porn, but she knew of its existence; and this right here was certainly an fan’s wet dream. A beautiful warrior woman with a bow and arrow, fending off tentacles and cursing breathlessly? The thought almost made her snicker but the was no inappropriate music or clothing ripping happening here. This was serious.

Snicker.

Pulling her head out of the gutter, Winnie lifted her camera for a couple more photos. The X-Man was fighting valiantly, but she was getting frustrated. The octopus man wasn’t stopping and it seemed that most of the arrows she was chucking at weren't doing a damn thing. But she moved and dodged with the grace of a ballerina so Winnie vaguely wondered if this was just going to end in a draw.

As she landed nearby, Winnie ducked and held her breath. She waited, listening as the hero pulled another arrow free. She popped her head up, one hand holding her camera and the other holding her hat down on her head, she watched as the hero drew the string back, arrow notched, aimed directly for her opponent. It was an inspiring shot.

Quiver twaned and camera clicked as she captured the moment perfectly. It was beautiful image.

Sparks arched through the air. The mutant gurgled in pain and spasmed before crumbling into a heap. The very picture of defeat. Her camera lifted again, Winnie stood up this time, to get a good angle, and took one more photo. It was pure poetry… that is until the click of her camera resounded through the room like a thunder clap.

The sleek form of the X-Man turned and before Winnie knew what was happening, there was an arrow notched and released in her direction.

Her eyes widened as she shouted, ”THE FU--!!” But it was too late. The arrow flew past her ear and in that second, the sight and the sound rang throughout her body like a rolling thunder. Her pulse quickened, her eyes dilated, and before she could finish her sentence, an audible POP! filled the air. And, like that, the woman was gone.

On the ground, sitting in her place, was a clearly out of place creature of fine feathers, a rotund body, and a ping pong sized head with a long beak. The kiwi bird sat on its round rump, her head in confusion as it took a moment to gather her bearings. When she did, she called out into the now enormous room.

”Are you completely mental?!” she shouted indignantly. ”You almost ****ing killed me! ”

It was totally not a missed shot. It was a warning shot. Maya was hopped up on adrenaline enough to fire without warning, but not dumb or vicious enough to go straight for a kill shot. The person behind her turned out to be smaller, and a lot less threatening, than expected at the mechanical click (that was also totally not a weapon, by the way)... and she promptly got even smaller and even less threatening, as she...

... did what?...

>>”Are you completely mental?! You almost ****ing killed me! ”

Maya's mouth hung slightly open as she stared at the tiny, fuzzy bird-creature sitting on her fuzzy butt. The whole sight was so out of place, her brain was taking precious seconds to process it all. And then process some more, when the tiny thing spoke out of its tiny beak in a tiny kiwi accent.

OMGsocutewhatthefuqisevenhappeningdidIjustshootakiwithisisthemostadorableopponentIeverhadpleasedontbeavillainIdontwannahurtyouyoupreciouspreciouscinnamonbun

"The... f*ck?"

Winnie was clearly irritated. Sitting on her feathery rump, her heart racing from the fact that she was nearly killed, she was definitely irritated. Though she was fine, the worst part of this ordeal was the fact that her main had activated. Whenever she is terrified, being shot at by a bow and arrow is a good candidate, her fear reaction activates most embarrassing mutation. In an instant, with a pop of air, Winnie transforms into a kiwi bird – probably the worst and most lame mutation she could imagine. It was not something she liked others to know about, but right now she clearly didn't have a choice.

Shaking the confusion of senses out of her mind, Winnie regained her bearings and let loose a torrent of obscenities at the would-be hero that had nearly killed her. Seriously, what was up with that? She was supposed to be the good guy, err gal, right? What was she doing shooting arrows at innocent bystanders? That was sheer B.S.!

>>"The... f*ck?"

She craned her head to look up and spied the mutant peeking down at her. From her expression, she was both befuddled and a little amused. God, the indignity of it all. Squirming to try and get her feet under her, Winnie tipped over onto her side. She flailed briefly, snarling in several curses she uttered under her breath, before she finally managed to tuck her legs underneath her so she could plant her feet and stand up.

So embarrassing.

Standing up straight, as straight as a kiwi can, she shook her whole body, causing her feathers to ruffle and plume, before they laid back against her body. Lifting her head, she glared daggers at the amused X-Man and snapped her beak towards her.

“’The f*ck’, she says?” Winnie grumbled irritably. She then raised her voice, jabbing her beak towards the woman to punctuate her words. “More like the f*ck is your problem?!” Her voice, though small, still carried the weight of her irritation. “You make it a habit of trying to kill innocent bystanders?” She took a breath, trying to calm herself as she stated to pace. She needed to calm down so she could shift back.

The bird... fell over. Maya stared, clearly unable to comprehend the scenario unfolding before her very eyes.

A kiwi.
A talking kiwi.
A talking kiwi that was swearing like a f**** sailor.
A talking kiwi that was swearing like a f**** sailor and clearly dealing with balance issues.
A flightless bird with ruffled feathers and a potty mouth.
Beak.
A very, very angry tribble.

OMGSOCUTEIMGONNADIE

>>“’The f*ck’, she says? More like the f*ck is your problem?! You make it a habit of trying to kill innocent bystanders?”

Did she? The girl... er... kiwi... person was clearly not a criminal. Or at least not very good at being one. Maybe too good at being one?... Everything was really confusing all of a sudden. Definitely a bystander, and a pissed one too. Bystanders were never good news on a crime scene. They either had a hero complex or a death wish.
But. Priorities.

"You're... a kiwi shifter?!..."

In the background, a stray tentacle twitched.

So the apology had to be coming any moment now. Standing there, defiantly, the height challenged kiwi bird glared up at the much taller mutant, demanding satisfaction for being embarrassed in such a way. She came in her to take a few pictures, not to be shot at by arrows. Besides, the X-Man wasn’t supposed to hurt innocent people, right? If that were the case, maybe she needed to brush up on her X-Man handbook!

But as she could still feel her heart racing, the small kiwi just paced, waiting to calm down, waiting to be able to be human again. An apology would go a long way towards that. Now is only the mutant could stop staring at her in such a confused manner, put on her big girl panties, and admit that she was wrong, everything would be oka--

>> "You're... a kiwi shifter?!..."

She stared at the X-Man for an impossibly long time before she grumbled an extremely loud obscenity. It was a cathartic release but still left her feeling irritable. Was that really all the X-Man could think about? Granted, the people who knew about her power all reacted similarly, but now certainly wasn’t the time for it.

A sigh and she stopped pacing to crane her head towards the woman, a gesture that was filled with attitude. Eyeing her, she just muttered under her breath as she shook her head. “Listen gorgeous, kudos on knowing what a kiwi is. Most just think I’m a dodo bird. But are the nuances of my abilities really that important? I, for one, would like to get out of here before the cops show up. Trespassing on a crime scene isn't really acceptable…” she eyed the woman again. ”…Now is it? “

The bird swore, which gave Maya the distinct feeling of laughter trying to bubble up from her chest; she bit it back with effort that became greater and greater as the ping-pong sized head glared at her for a really, really long time. If you have never been stared down by the cutest darn bird in the world, you did not know how to prepare for such an occurrence.

>> “Listen gorgeous, kudos on knowing what a kiwi is. Most just think I’m a dodo bird. But are the nuances of my abilities really that important?"

"But... dodos are..." *snerk* "... much bigger..."

Yes, Maya was cracking up. It made her a horrible person, and it did not fit the present situation at all, but she simply could not help it.

>>"I, for one, would like to get out of here before the cops show up. Trespassing on a crime scene isn't really acceptable… …Now is it? “

She was not wrong on that one. But... she was also a kiwi trespassing on a crime scene.
Tresswaddling?...
*snerk*

"Okay, okay. Uhh. But what... were you doing here in the first... you know what, nevermind." she sighed "How about we get you ou..."

The tentacle lashed out without warning. Apparently, the stun arrow did not work as well on the dude as it did on humans - probably because of a combination of body mass and sheer vialliny, but for now, Maya could not exactly worry about that part. The appendage hit her on the side, and she bounced off the bank counter with a painful yelp. Apparently, the fight was back on.

God, she just wanted to die at this point. The smug look on the X-Man’s face was the last thing she needed right now. She knew that kiwi bird were one of those things popularized by the internet that made people go “awww!” but it made her want to break things. While she was glad she was a mutant, could she really have not been anything just a tad bit cooler? **** , at this point she would have preferred turning into a goddamn spork! But there was no use crying over spilt milk. There were more pressing matters to attend to.

Namely, getting the hell out of here. While the X-Man may have had some right, the police spotting a kiwi bird probably wouldn't look the best. If she could turn to human in time, they could just assume she was some lost animal and shove her in a cage. That wouldn't do well at all for calming her down enough to be able to turn back.

>> "But... dodos are..." *snerk* "... much bigger..."

She craned her head in a “are-you-****ing- serious” manner and just shook her head. This heroine was far too amused by all this. She was half tempted to run up and peck the woman's toes through her boots, but thankfully she seemed to pull her head out of her *** enough to realize that Winnie had a point.

>>"Okay, okay. Uhh. But what... were you doing here in the first... you know what, nevermind…How about we get you ou..."

FINALLY . Maybe the woman wasn’t a complete airhead after all. Winnie had had her fair share of dumb, pretty ladies that it was refreshing to meet one who had some sense. ”Thank… you. Let's g-“ she winced at the sudden crashing sound. ”HOLY ****!!”

She watched as one second she was talking to a person, and the next it was just open air. The X-Man suddenly was flung to the side, sent careening away by the force of an overly large tentacle. Winnie flailed, her feathers ruffling as she let out a stream of obscenities while she fled for the nearest dark spot.

Tucking herself underneath the lip of a cabinet, she peeked her little head out just enough to see that the X-Man had fallen nearby and was clearly in pain. A glance up and she watched the octopus man start to lift himself off the ground. He was disoriented, but he was quickly gaining his bearings. Winnie fearfully began to tap get break on the ground next to the hero .

”B***h, you better get up, “ she said with fear in her tiny voice. ”He doesn't look done with fulfilling his hentai fantasy!”

Maya's ears were ringing, and the air had been knocked out of her lungs by the impact. The next thing she could comprehend was that she was lying on the floor in a not-very-heroic position, there were gurgling sounds in the background that were not exactly promising, and a small, fuzzy creature was tapping urgently next to her ear, with only made the ringing worse.

>>”B***h, you better get up. He doesn't look done with fulfilling his hentai fantasy!”

Adorable, small fuzzy creatures had no business having a potty mouth like that. Unless they were in North Lawns.
... were they in North Lawns?...

Maya shook her head, looking up just to see octopus dude back on his feet.
Tentacles.
Hentai. Right.

Another tentacle lashed out in their direction. Maya only had time to swat at the bird, but luckily it was tiny enough to spin away on the polished floor all on her own as Maya lunged the other way, narrowly escaping the second hit. Sadly, her bow clattered across the floor in a third direction, and now she was weaponless as she got back to her feet.

"I am really bored of this!" she yelled in frustration at the gurgling opponent.

Things had taken a clear turn. Where they initially seemed to be working in their favor, now they were working against them. Moments ago, the seemingly defeated octopus mutant had recovered enough to go back on the attack. The amused heroine was knocked aside, as easily as if she were a ragdoll, and sent skidding across the ground. Winnie, of course, was terrified and immediately found a small corner to tuck herself into to hide. But she wasn't heartless, despite what her foul mouth made her sound like.

Skittering over to the woman, Winnie started to peak at the ground, urging her to get up so that she could avoid a slimy, perverted fate. However the hero prided to not receive her words of warning well as a hand was quickly swiped in her direction, colliding with her tiny body. It hurt, but it could have hurt more; that knowledge did little to balm her irritation.

As she skidded across the smooth floor like a feathery hockey puck, the obscenities she weaved formed a fine tapestry as she spun away across the ground. ”OW!YOU****S***ING*******!THEF***ISWRONGWITHYOUYOUBLOODYWAN-OOMPH!”

She tapped against a far away wall, head lolling as she tried to stop hey vision from swimming randomly throughout her head. With a second to breathe, she looked across the floor to see that she was now facing the wrong direction. Craning her head back, she watched the heroine climb back onto her feet.

>> "I am really bored of this!"

Though she was taking to the mutant, Winnie understood the sentiment all too well. Struggling to get back into her feet, when she achieved it, she wobbled thanks to being dizzy. However she was able to prevent falling over by leaning against a nearby desk. Another shake of her head and Winnie crouched down, creeping along the edge of the desk to stay out of sight, but also to see the action. The heroine was weaponless, over this fight, but Professor Octo-pants clearly wasn’t done. The X-Man needed help but what could she do?

Her eyes fell across the discarded bow. Grimly she shook her head, trying to convince herself to not do something stupid. ”….ah ****…” Staying low, Winnie took carefully steps towards the bow. Maybe she could drag it back to the X-Man. Maybe…

Maya ducked out of the way of yet another tentacle as her attacker gurgled obscenities not nearly as harsh as the tiny fluffy bird did as she skidded to safety. Maya really did not want to have to worry about the kiwi as well as her own person, not to mention the safety of the people gawking outside the building. This whole octopus mess needed to end right here and right now, and short of a kill shot, there was only one way to do it.

Maya really, really did not want to do it.

"Oh, for f*** sake..." she muttered, bracing herself before she made a run for the nearest sizable reflecting surface - a full-length mirror in the waiting area that she suspected might have security cameras on the other side, but it still worked for her intended purpose, and somehow it had managed to avoid the destruction earlier. She skidded to a halt just short of the mirror and turned, trying to hold her breath as she faced down the octopus.

"This is gonna suck..." it was going to become her catchphrase if she kept resorting to this. But really, there was an adorable cinnamon bun of a bystander at stake.

The moment a tentacle wrapped itself around Maya's legs, she leaned back, and merged into the mirror. There was a sucking sound as her powers dragged the octopus along for the ride against his expressed will, and then suddenly the bank space was empty, and he full length mirror was full of a spaghetti of flailing appendages. Maya struggled towards the exit from the other side, but the guy was not about to let her go that easily...

The X-Man was extremely brave or extremely stupid; watching as she ran off, cursing at having to deal with the octopus before coming to a stop directly in front of a mirror, Winnie was more than willing to believe the latter. What the hell was a mirror supposed to do? What, was she hoping to terrify it into unconsciousness with a glimpse at its own reflection? Granted, the mutant was disgusting to look at, but it certainly wasn’t Medusa. So what was the plan here?

Winnie looked up, watching as the X-Man goaded the other to run in for the attack. Stepping away from the discarded bow, she cringed as the Cthulhu-wannabe charged head first at the heroine and in a moment the impossible happened. If she hadn’t had an it with her own eyes, she would have never believed it. The heroine was caught but it all seemed to be a part of a plan as age let herself fall back into the mirror.

”You have got to kidding me…” she muttered in awe.

And like that, both mutants were gone.

Winnie stared for a few seconds, creeping forward, through the now quiet and empty bank. It was disorienting, of course, considering seconds ago it had been filled with the sounds of battle. As she crept up, she flailed at the sudden appearance of a mass of tentacles. The mutant struggled, trying to force itself back through the glass. Winnie recoiled, her adrenaline spiking again as she watched the mutant attempt to escape.

She inspected the glass but could see no escape for the criminal. She would have cheered in success of it weren't for one, minor thing…where was the X-Man? A small worry built up in her breast as she carefully approached the glass and tapped on it with her beak.

”Oy! Hero! Where’d you make off to?” It was then that she managed to peer through the mass of tentacles and found the heroine struggling with being wrapped up in appendages.

It wasn't funny -- and yet it was.

"Um...was this all some kinky foreplay between you two?" she quipped. "Because, if it is, I'm seriously going to be pissed."

>>”Oy! Hero! Where’d you make off to?”

The octopus dude was clearly surprised by being dragged through the looking glass - but even if the surprise loosened some of the many coils of the tentacles, he had enough in reserve that Maya could not pull herself free. If she merged out this way, he would come with her, and then they were back to square one. Maya hated square one. She was barely visible in the pile of green spaghetti, and it was clear that she was going nowhere fast.

>>"Um...was this all some kinky foreplay between you two? Because, if it is, I'm seriously going to be pissed."

"Shut it, fuzzball!" Maya grumbled, but the snarky comment from the tiny bird was enough to make her reconsider her situation. Instead of going for the mirror, she shifted sideways... and managed to tear herself free out of sheer spite and fear of being embarrassed in front of a kiwi.

A few moments later Maya appeared from the reflecting surface of a back window, and landed in a pool of goop, trying really hard not to gag.

"Yeah... that sucked..."