I think my two years in a children's mental ward is what could have made me truely insane. I'm not insane. I know what I hear and I know the truth. The doctors tried to tell me other wise. They told me I had schitzophrenia, that Hina was my alternate personality that I had been forced to surpress. What I was blaming Hina for were actually my choices.

Alright...then how was Hina moving?

******************************

My room was so bright. It was bright and everything was white. They took all my clothes and made me wear white too, white gown. But when they tried to take hina away i refused.

'Why can't we have the doll, Riruki?" a woman asked me. She spoke just like they all spoke; in this condecending sot tone of voice.

"Because she is mine, and Hina does not want to go with you." I said. I felt stupid saying that about a doll but Hina told me to.

"How do you know?"

"Because she told me."

"How can she talk. Her lips do not move."

"She's psychic. they were all psychic and they used their minds to speak to me."

"they who? the dolls?"

"No. I know that dolls can't speak." I said smartly. "The spirits inside of them do."

"Why are they in dolls, Riruki?"

"I do not know. They can not go anywhere, so they stay so I will talk to them."

"What do they talk about?" I remember she had a clip board and was writing. The sound of her pen in the silent room irritated me.

"Everything you talk about. They talk about the weather, the news..."

She nodded. "And why doesn't Hina want to go with me?"

I thought for a minute, waiting for Hina to tell me. She didn't answer. "I don't know. She just doesn't want to be thrown out or hurt."

"What if I promise not to hurt her?"

"She still doesn't want to go. She'll run away."

"She can run?"

I didn't answer.

Hina can run?

Cool

lol i thought you read the first fan fic. Hina can move and when she gets hurt, ruki feels it. thats why ruki doesn't want hina in the wrong hands and thats why she cant kill it. she'll die too.

I didn't belong at the ward. The kids there had real problems. Some of their backgrounds were so traumatizing it was a wonder they could face their own shadow. Others came from 'normal' families but had imbalances or fears they just couldn't get rid of.

I met a kid who was afraid of the color yellow. He was going through what they were calling Crayola therapy where he colored pictures that were already drawn. He would leave out the sun or color it orange or red. He wouldn't color sunflowers or rubber duckies.


Another child insisted on being a new person everyday. She knew tons of random facts about random people and was able to make a very convincing Eleanor Roosevelt one day and Oprah winfrey the next. Sometimes she was people who weren't famous,,who were made up or, the docotrs suspected, people she'd met in life. One time she was a litle boy named sam who had lost his puppy and on another day she was a street teen named tony who break danced.


I wasn't like them. I didn't have a problem. My only problem was Hina and there wasn't anything a mental ward could do.


Because I blamed Hina for my being there I ignored her for the first year almost completely. I wouldn't let her loose so she couldn't hurt herself and I wouldn't go to sleep until she was sleeping first. I couldn't hear what the doctors were saying but I knew they thought my 'conditon' was pretty bad.

My doctor told me to call her Victoria.

"Tell me about Drachir." she told me one day.

"Drachir? He is my best and only friend." I told her.

"And where is he now?"

"I ...don't know. I'm sure he is alright though." I had become accustomed to saying that so as not to jinx his well being. The doctors were used to it and had taken note of it.

"Did you tell him about the dolls?"

"I told him everything."

"did he believe you?"

"No. But he didn't think I was crazy. He accepted it andl eft it alone. I wish you could all be like that."

"Well, Drachir probably didn't understand why we would like your attachment to die down." she said sweetly. "We just don't want you to go to a job interview holding a doll. It makes life harder. We just don't want you to havea problem.."

"There is no problem!" I shouted. "The only problem is that I'm different from you! That's always the problem, it's either that I'm rich, or I'm gay, I'm gothic or it's hina. Something that makes me different!" I could feel the pressure in my head increasing and I knew exactly what that meant.

"Don't get so worked up, Riruki." Victoria continued to speak to me in that same calm voice I had been hearing for a bit more than twelve months..I was sick of it. " We just want to make it better for you.."

"You wouldn't know what is better for me. You haven't been listening to me since I got here! I'm fine!" I said and a flash of glowing brown filled my eyes. Victoria screamed and fell back wards in her chair from the force. I swooned feeling a bit dizzy.

"You should leave now." I said coldly. She looked at me fearfully and crawled to her feet rushing from my room.
**********************
("You've done it now) Hina said to me as soon as Victoria left. I was on my bed staring at the wall and trying to conjure another blast.

I decided to answer...mainly becuase i knew she was right.

"I didn't mean to. I..I just ..."

(I knew you had it in you.) she congratualted. (I'm very pleased kid.)

I shook my head. "No, that was wrong of me."

(Wrong? Is it not wrong of everyone to put you here?To ignore the truth and everything yo utry to tell them? To insist on helping you without listening to you explain that nothing is wrong? no they're on the wrong side, not you.)

I think that's the first time Hina really made sense to me. That's when I got scared.

"Okay...what do you think we should do?"

I know Hina can walk....but maybe you should make her dance!

LOL

lmao! awkward

I can imagine hina cursing out Rikuri for making her dance.

My escape was quite strategic. I simply complied with their orders. I finally let Hina be taken away, I could still hear her talking to me but I couldn't or wouldn't speak back.

"How do you feel now that Hina is taken away from you?" The doctor asked me. I knew she was afraid of me.

"Fine. It holds senitmental value and t reminds me of my home. I used to have a lot of dolls. So I want her back when all htis is over." I stated simply.

She smiled and worte something down. "Does Hina still speak to you?"

"No, she never spoke to me." I said, I put a sad expression on. "I was an only child in a very big house. I always had body guards but they looked huge and scary to someone as small as I am. They still do." I laughed slightly. "so...I couldn't help it. I needed something to keep me calm, to give me companionship...so I pretended that they talked. I guess this was the reality slap I needed to tell me I should stop pretending now."

She smiled again. "So...why do you call her Hina?"

"I..." I began. "Hina means Doll, Hina Oni means demon doll. I used to call her Hina Oni because she was so bad, her thoughts were evil and malicious. She told me to do bad things....or I imagined that she told me that." I bit my bottom lip. "I'm ashamed to have to admit that it was actually my thoughts."

"It's nothing to be ashamed about, Riruki." the woman smiled. "Sometimes we get so caught up in our imaginations that we begin to give things different personalities. It doesn't mean you wanted to do bad things you really thought it was the doll."

I nodded.

"Well I'm glad you've made progress."

"I can go home?" I asked.
Her smile faded a bit. "Well, eventually." she said as she left.

They moved me to a different room then, a real room. It had a bed and a window and the door was unlocked. I didn't have anyone standing outside of my room but I was checked on periodiacally. This gave me some time to talk to Hina.

(You're doing great kid!)

"Are you sure?" I whispered. "they have not let me go."

Hina hopped from my lap and onto the bed in front of me. (You can't have instant results, Ruki! You have to be patient. This thing takes work!)

I sighed. "I know but..I have to get out of here and find Drachir!..."

(Well there is always plan b)

"Which is?" I asked, by now I didn't know that anyone was watching me but a doctor was outside.

(You can just blast everyone...)

"No way! Do you know how much energy that would take? I would-"

"Riruki?" a voice asked. "Who are you talking to?"

A man in a white labcoat stood at the door. Hina froze and collapsed and my eyes flooded with brown before the doctor was sent flyng into the wall.
***************************************

"Do you know what a mutant is?" My female doctor asked me.

"Yes, of course, I had to leave new York because of them." I said.

"Yes, well we believe you may have a genetic mutation that gives you special powers." she smiled.

"When I hurt people?"

"and when you make the doll move."

"I don't make the doll move! she doesn't move."

"Someone saw her, Riruki it's alright. I understand now."

Hina, who had been sitting on the counter hopped stifly from it and onto my lap. (Brace yourself kid, you have to be ready for anything now.)

The doctor smiled. "See, these blasts seem to be triggered by your emotions and are relased when you experience stress."

"Yes..."

"And I think you have a mild telekenetic ability . But it only activates in the prescence of your doll. You can only make them move."

I listened but said nothing.

"So..."

"What are you saying?"

"We are saying that everything is alright. Originally we thought you were schitzophrenic."

I nodded. "So I can leave now."

"eventually." she smiled.

Eventually means no.