Meld's entire known world had been turned upside down. Not only had she learned that Lori and Aura hadn't been entirely honest with her as pertained to her status as a member of The Order, or more particularly regarding the fact that she had left the Order, but she had come to the realization that the self control she had prided herself on so highly was starting to slip. The former, at least, she could understand. When Meld had returned to Sanctuary, lost and confused with her memory of most of the last three years of her life gone, Lori had taken advantage of it and Aura had followed Lori's orders. She didn't much like it but she understood it and, when it came down to it, both had proven themselves willing to help Meld anyway. Sure she didn't appreciate the dishonesty, but she couldn't' honestly say that she wouldn't have done the same thing in their places. Besides, they were the ones who were most in a position to help her anyway.

It was the latter point that was the real disturbing fact. Meld had lived a life of violence through most of her life. When she still believed herself to be human, that violence had been channeled through acceptable routes of martial arts competitions. When she had discovered her mutation, her violent skills had been put to more shady uses, first in being hired to help out crime families in various shady endeavors and later to help support the mutant cause. Meeting Aura and discovering her mutant cause had been inexorably intertwined and, among other things, had resulted in a sharp increase in the amount of violence she committed. It was, in fact, in support of her cause that she had committed her first murder and the countless murders to follow.

Always, however, Meld had been confident that the deaths she inflicted were just ones. Her acts were nothing personal, they were merely what needed to be done and there was no one else willing to do them. If someone was a threat to the mutant cause, they had to die. If someone tried to incite violence or hatred against mutants, they had to die. It was business, the furthering of a position, nothing more and nothing less. She had gained no pleasure from the kills, although she didn't regret them either, they just were. It had to be done so she did it, simple cut and dry black and white.

At some point, however, that had changed. Meld wasn't entirely sure when or how, much of that time was still missing from her memory, but she now knew it to be fact. Slowly, agonizingly slowly, her memory was returning but there were still sizable gaps in it and many hazy cobwebs. She knew, however, that now her kills went beyond simple business. She had begun to gain pleasure from the kills, although that wasn't the most disturbing factor in her mind. The real problem, was that she had begun craving the death she was so adept at causing and, if she didn't indulge it, that craving would build and build until it took over her thoughts and she had to act. Her careful self control, reasoned choosing of who had to die and who deserved to live, shattered by a force she neither chose nor seemed able to control. She needed help but didn't know where or how to get it.

For the time being, however, Meld wasn't concentrating on her own problems, or at least she was trying not to concentrate on her own problems. She had a goal in mind and that goal was to help a little 9 year old girl that lived at Sanctuary and had an unfortunate tendency to blow things up. She had met Kaitlyn very recently when she had accidentally caused a car accident with her explosions, resulting in a man attempting to kill her. She probably would have been dead if not for Meld's intervention, but more long term problem related to her uncontrolled powers and the fact that there was no one in Sanctuary equipped to help her. Meld was hoping to be able to persuade someone in The Mansion to assist the little girl. Whether or not she was still welcome at The Mansion (she really had no idea) would hopefully not detract from the fact that the child needed help.

As Meld made her way up the street towards the Mansion, she paused a moment at the sight of a blond woman, a little shorter than herself. Something at the back of her mind said that she had met this woman before, some vague sense of familiarity. She squinted, trying to work through her fragmented memories to place the face with a name or a situation.

Long walks were something Kealey had taken a definite liking to. Sometimes she borrowed Thor from Shin so that she had some company, but most of the time she just liked to walk alone. The grounds of the Mansion were expansive, and there were times when she almost felt alone in her head. Even the more isolated location of the School was too urban for complete silence to be reality though, and Kealey was used to sudden interruptions of her thoughts while she walked. Today was no exception.

Her walk had been even longer than usual, and Kealey had found herself outside the boundaries of the Mansion’s property. It was interesting how that happened when one’s mind was occupied with other thoughts, and Kealey had just been making her way back towards the front gates when the most peculiar set of emotions beset her.

Whoever was feeling them was definitely conflicted, a bubbling cauldron of emotions, toiling and troubling its way through existence. Desire and regret, need and fear, determination and confusion, all mixed together. It was nearly enough to make the empath’s head spin a little. Whoever was feeling all of that definitely had a lot on their mind. Maybe they were a new student, or an old student who’d gotten themselves in some kind of trouble. Kealey’s mind drifted back to Calley and her brows drew together. It wasn’t exactly like that. There were violent feelings here, barely suppressed in fact, but they weren’t as out of control as the animal shifter’s had been.

Kealey wandered, searching for the source, and found it in the form of a vaguely familiar woman approaching the gates from the street. The woman walked up, and Kealey could feel the mild recognition from her end as well.

”Hello.” she said, head tilting slightly to the side in her signature indication of mild confusion. ”Can I help you with something?”

Meld tried to search her memory for where the woman had come from. How did she know here? What was their history together? She didn't think it was someone she had known well, those people had, mostly at least,begun to come back to her. The details may have still been a little fuzzy, but at least the general impressions were accurate. No, this woman was more of an acquaintance than a friend. Or maybe an enemy? She certainly had enough of those and, at that thought, she had to fight to suppress a growl. It wouldn't do to simply attack her with no proof that was someone who should be attacked. Obviously she hadn't made any violent movements towards her, after all.

"I'm sorry," Meld apologized, realizing that she'd been staring. Her head started to pound, which seemed to be its usual reaction when she tried to force a memory to surface that wasn't ready to do so. "I didn't mean to stare, its just that I could swear that I've seen you somewhere before." She hated to admit her memory deficiency. It was an unacceptable personal weakness but also a weakness she couldn't' do a damn thing about, as much as she'd tried. Her memory would come back in its own time and until it did she just had to deal with it.

The worst part was not knowing who was friend and who was enemy. The friends, or at least the close friends, Meld thought she had mostly gotten all worked out and they were, sadly, few and far between. It was the casual acquaintances that the had problem with and the enemies who didn't approve of her actions. Sometimes it was difficult not to simply assume the worst especially given the fact that she was, in a way, in enemy territory. "I'm looking to speak to someone about helping to train a little girl's powers." There, that was a nice safe statement that also had the advantage of being true.

The woman spoke, and Kealey’s eyes narrowed slightly on her face, trying to place it in a haze of memories from the past couple of years. She’d met so many people since coming to New York, hopefully this wasn’t someone who would remember her without Kealey having the same advantage. Such situations were at best, embarrassing, and at worst insulting to the other party involved.

The woman spoke, and Kealey’s face broke into a broad smile, despite the emotions that were starting to filter through from the other woman. ”I’m so relieved. I’m getting the same feeling from you as well. I just can’t place the memory though.”

She focused on the semi-stranger more intently as they stood by the gates, focusing her powers the way he and Shin had been working on. It still didn’t work, not at all, but the focus did help. It was the violence, the suspicion, and the poorly veiled mild contempt that jogged Kealey’s memory. There had been a coffee shop, and another empath….Kealey had shut everyone down and they’d left.

It wasn’t a great conversation, all things considered, and Kealey was much more fond of the idea that the other women wouldn’t remember exactly what had happened. Maybe this was a chance to make a second first impression. A rare opportunity indeed…and her intentions were pure.

”Well…if you need help for a Mutant, you’ve definitely come to the right place. I can’t tell you how much the people here have helped me.” she said, making her way towards the gates.

”I can let us in and take you to someone who can help. My name is Kealey, by the way.”

Meld wasn't sure if the woman was being snidely mocking or was actually being serious in stating that she didn't remember who Meld was. She didn't seem overtly mocking, but she had never been the best when it came to reading people. Oh, she could tell if someone intended to attempt to do her bodily harm almost before they did, but beyond that she was hopeless. Beyond learning to read the intent in someone's actions and stance, social skills simply hadn't been high on her list of things to learn. They didn't help her to survive nearly as much as certain other skills.

"Well at least I'm not the only one," Meld replied, trying on a smile. "I'm Meld." She extended her mutanthand in an attempt at a handshake. People tended to find it less intimidating than her clawed one and there was less of a chance of accidentally cutting someone with it.

"Good to meet you again Kealey." The name did not trigger any more recollection within Meld's mind than anything else had. As per usual, it seemed, her memory would come back in its own time and nothing she could do would change that. "The girl's name is Kaitlyn and she has an unfortunate tendency to accidentally cause things to explode." She didn't mention the fact that she had almost gotten herself killed becuase of it. For one thing, she figured it should be obvious why that would be a potentially bad thing.

Meld followed Kealey towards the Mansion, hoping to find someone that would be able to help the girl with her powers.

So suspicious. Kealey studied the woman more closely as she offered a hand and the blond took it. It had been a long time since something like physically manifesting mutations had surprised Kealey in any way and there was no hesitation in her actions. ”Nice to meet you again.” she replied, hoping the suspicion was simply from being in strange place and not the result of any actions she’d taken.

Meld explained that the little girl’s name was Kaitlyn and that her powers had a tendency to cause things to explode. Kealey’s heart immediately went out to the little girl and as she let herself and Meld through the gates she studied the woman thoughtfully.

”Are you thinking of getting her enrolled here? The mansion is equipped incredibly well to help young mutants learn to control their powers in an environment where misunderstandings are kept to a minimum.” It was the truth, the world was a big, scary place full of big, scary people. Powers like this Kaitlyn’s which could potentially be considered overtly dangerous had a tendency to cause a lot of misunderstandings.

”It would be such a shame for her to grow up thinking there was something wrong with her, or to accidentally hurt someone.”

Meld decided that Kealey was, indeed, just being nice. There didn't appear to be any alterior motives at all and she allowed herself to relax slightly. How would her life be different if she wasn't forced to constantly look over her shoulder (even if that action was made easier by her tail eye) and didn't have to constantly worry about who was a potential enemy lurking in the shadows? It wasn't something she often allowed herself to consider.

"I think its up to her whether she actually wants to enroll here," Meld answered. It wasn't like the was the girl's caregiver or anything. "But I promised her I'd try to find someone to help. Maybe, if someone around here is willing, I can set up a meeting between the two of them." Beyond that Kaitlyn would have to fend for herself. She could only do so much for the girl.

"I don't think she believes there to be anything wrong with her." If there was one thing about living at Sanctuary that was true, it was that mutants, in all their many colors and powers, were celebrated and embraced. "But I worry that she might cause herself or others unintentional harm. She doesn't mean to be dangerous, but she is."

Every stop closer to the Mansion that Meld took increased her sense of de ja vu. It was all so very familair, and yet she couldn't remember any specific incident of being there. She knew she had, of course, Aura and Lori had said as much, but she simply couldn't recall anything. Losing one's memory was an exercise in frustration.

Kealey nodded her head and was relieved when Meld’s emotions calmed. The woman wasn’t quite as suspicious now, but Kealey was still a little shocked by how much time it had taken the other woman to decide she wasn’t a threat.

They spoke more on the child and Kealey hmmm’d as Meld said that it would be up to her whether or not she ended up enrolling at the Mansion. ”I hope she decides to…” Kealey said, ”So many end up out on the streets trying to find their own way. They get the wrong idea about the world, and the people in it.”

Meld voiced her desire to keep the girl, Kaitlyn, from hurting herself or anyone else by accident. ”It would be terrible for her to have an accident and have to bear that kind of burden. Nobody should have to walk around with blood on their hands. Unintentionally spilled or not.”

They walked more, and the school came into view, still a ways away, and Kealey nodded towards it.

”I didn’t go to school here…I don’t even really live her. But they do the right thing, showing the children that everyone has a place to belong. They see that nobody fits in all the time, and that it’s okay.”

Kealey was rambling and she stopped, ”I’m sorry…” she said, pausing to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, ”Some of the best things about me are coming out here. I’m a little biased.”

"She needs a responsible, guiding force in her life," Meld agreed, although she wasn't certain her idea of responsible, guiding force was necessarily the same as Kealey's. Of course the girl had the learn what the world was like and her place in the world, but that also included the fact that as a mutant she would be hated and ostracized, discriminated against constantly due to nothing more than her genes. She needed to learn to protect herself and discover the value of family and the people who cared for her. Being so young, it probably wasn't a bad idea to teach her of the mutant cause and her role, if she should choose to take it, in that cause.

”It would be terrible for her to have an accident and have to bear that kind of burden. Nobody should have to walk around with blood on their hands. Unintentionally spilled or not.”

Meld gave Kealey a sharp look. Did she have any idea about Meld's history at all? Blood was something she had spilled in large amounts, though little if any of it she actually regretted spilling. Some people simply deserved to die, it really was that simple. It wouldn't be entirely unexpected if she did know something, however, given how many times she had been on the news. "No one should have to be the cause of unintentional suffering," she agreed. It was the intentional kind that they had a disagreement on, after all.

The image of the Mansion itself was, as nothing else thus far, actually familiar. Maybe it was the fact that Meld had seen it in pictures or maybe it was another tiny fragment of her memory settling into place, but she smiled at its familiarity. "I used to live there for a little while. I was never a student though. They're good people, for the most part." All basically true, even if the details still evaded her.

Skepticism flowed from Meld as she artfully dodged the subject Kealey had tried to bring up with the school, obviously preferring to keep her sentiments neutral. The blond found herself more curious than ever. She nodded her head, ”The world is such a beautiful place,” she agreed with a smile in the other woman’s direction, ”It would be a shame for her to grow up thinking otherwise. “

Kealey supposed her powers had made her into an eternal optimist, more than anything else. When you felt so much, and had to sift through so many things to sort out your feelings, sometimes it was just easier to take the happy road, no matter what you may have really thought.

She spoke of the horror of spilling blood, and Meld’s emotions…sharpened. Kealey struggled to find another word internally and failed. She’d hit a nerve, and suddenly the blond was uncomfortable. Violence was one of the nasty realities of life, even Shin had to resort to violence sometimes and he was one of, if not the best, people she knew. Calley had killed, but the situation hadn’t been cut and dry. There were all kinds of motivations, all kinds of reasons, but Kealey had also seen what those actions had done to the people she knew.

” Violence of any kind changes people Meld. Not for the better. Humans weren’t meant to harm each other that way…it hurts you here.” she said, placing a hand over her heart as they walked.

The other woman continued to speak, mentioning how at one time she’d lived in the Mansion, and how the people there were good, ”Some of the best.” she commiserated and continued with the small talk, ”Do you live in the city then? I have an apartment in Manhattan. I’ve been too busy working at the Mansion this summer to go there often…but it’s a cute little place.”

Meld couldn't recall a time when she had ever looked at the world as a beautiful place. Even growing up there had been to much mutant directed hatred in her household to really perceive the world in that manner. Her parents had taken good care of her, of course, and she was close with her sister, but looking at the world as a beautiful place? Not so much. It was an unrealistic view anyway. "There are many things in the world that are beautiful." It was as close as Meld could come to agreeing with Kealey. There were, after all, pockets of beauty, if one knew where to look. Hopefully Kaitlyn would be lucky enough to find one of those pockets and make it her own.

"Violence does change people," Meld agreed because she knew it was true. She was a different person now than she had been before she started killing, she knew it without a shadow of doubt. Even without her growing addiction, she was still a vastly different person. She glossed over the reference to humans even though she didn't believe herself to be humans any longer. Mutants were the superior species, hands down, but many were too stubborn to realize it and she wasn't going to get into an argument about semantics.

"What do you know about how violence effects a person," Meld asked. She was, perhaps, going out on a limb but she got the distinct impression that Kealey was not a killer. One could usually tell these sorts of things, or at least tell if an individual was a skilled combatant, by the way one moved and carried oneself. Even without her blades, Meld knew that an experienced eye could pick out the fact that she could kill and fight with but a glance. It was something that was nearly impossible to hide. "What do you know about how killing scars the heart?" She tried to suppress the turmoil related to her growing dark urges to blood. They weren't the real her, they were the monster inside her.

"I live near the upper bay," Meld answered, not wanting to divulge the fact that she actually lived in Sanctuary. On some level at least, there was still the little fact of some in The Mansion were, if not enemies than at least rivals, with some in Sanctuary.

So sad. Kealey frowned as she walked, wondering if the other women even knew how sad she was. There was a little bit of hope there too, though and Kealey resisted the urge to amp it up. Meld was so suspicious, Kealey didn’t want to do anything to hurt the tenuous pleasantry that had sprung up between them. The blond was naïve, but she wasn’t stupid and more and more she was getting the impression that Meld knew these things first hand.

The darker-haired woman agreed that violence did indeed change people, and Kealey nodded her head at the certainty in her voice and her emotions. There was something else that tickled at Kealey’s mind, a mild flash of…contempt when she’d pointed out that humans weren’t meant to hurt each other that way. She didn’t comment, and again she felt the desperate need to keep a hold on this acquaintance, to improve it.

Meld questioned how Kealey knew the way violence changed people, and it was the blonde’s turn to sharpen slightly. Who was Meld to question her convictions and knowledge? Kealey realized she was mirroring the other woman’s defensiveness and shook her head, taking a deep breath.

”I know because I can feel it.” she said, turning her head to look at Meld as they walked. ”It’s not an emotion so much as several together, but they’re still there.”

It was a difficult thing to explain to someone who didn’t know first hand, and Kealey struggled with her thoughts to organize them in a way that Meld would be able to understand.

”I don’t know long term…but I know how destructive the force is. I know what just thinking about those things does to a person’s psyche. I read somewhere once that the moment you stop hating a weapon is the moment you should get rid of it.”

Kealey shrugged as they walked, ”I don’t need to know first hand, because I see it and feel it all the time. People do bad things to each other…but it doesn’t help any of the parties involved.”

Kealey realized she’d been monologue a little and stopped talking with a shake of her head and a rueful chuckle, ”I’m sorry…I should be rambling. I also do know, first hand, what violence on a grand scale can do to a child. I hope I haven’t put you off…”

Meld was woefully inexperienced with casual conversations with other people. She considered very few people to be friends and of her acquaintances, most were spoken to only with a purpose in mind. In a way she had a purpose here as well, to find Kaitlyn help, but in the meantime her interactions with Kealey were decidedly undirected. It wasn't something she wanted to change but it was a reality that she hadn't quite realized until that exact moment. Was she so obsessed with her cause that she really had so few conversations with actual people outside of her cause? Apparently she was.

"You feel my emotions?" Kealey hadn't said exactly that, but she certainly insinuated it strongly enough. Meld wasn't entirely certain how comfortable she was with that fact and she had to fight to suppress a new bout of suspicion, reminding herself that even if that was the case the woman had been nothing but friendly and welcoming. Maybe it wasn't even an intentional thing, for all she knew.

"Why would anyone hate their weapon of choice?" Meld asked, with genuine confusion on her voice. "That's the object that keeps them alive, the should treasure that weapon and treat it with dignity and respect." She couldn't' imagine ever hating her flesh melds and every one of them, with the exception, perhaps, of her electronic eye, were weapons in the truest sense of the word. They had allowed her to eliminate many enemies and she couldn't' count the number of times they had kept her alive. Even when crafting the sword for Aura she had been sure to impart upon her friend the gravity of the situation and just how treasured and respected the weapon should be treated. Why anyone would hate such a thing she had no idea.

"You haven't put me off," Meld assured Kealey. "I just don't really understand you. If you've been so fortunate in your life that you haven't been exposed to those things that make violence necessary, then I envy your life." If only her own had been so charmed maybe she would have turned out to be a different person. She couldn't imagine ever being so nieve as Kealey seemed to be.

“Mmhmm.” Kealey said in response to Meld’s inquiry about her powers. Then the suspicion. Kealey was ready though, she’d been expecting that, and it wasn’t something unique to Meld. Not by a long shot. Most people were uncomfortable about her powers when they had a chance to think about them. ”Don’t worry…I rarely ever comment on what I notice. I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.” something else Kealey was used to, apologizing.

She tried to keep an open mind as Meld spoke, almost reverently, about a weapon, but the ideas the other woman spoke about were so foreign to the blond that she ended up simply shaking her head. ”But if people didn’t insist on having and using the weapons on each other…there would be no need. The reason you would hate something like that is because of the damage it does. The damage to a family, the damage to a community, the damage to the person who uses it. The costs far outweigh the benefits if you ask me.”

Meld wasn‘t envious, regardless of what she said, and Kealey actually chuckled a little at the other woman. ”You might think me naïve…but I know a lot more than you think.” she said softly.

”I’ve seen more than my share of the nasty things the world has to offer. I’ve seen people die in fire and shrapnel. People I cared about more than anything. I’ve watched men killed by other men, simply because they were weaker. I‘ve had acts of violence perpetrated on me simply because I tried to help and drew the attention of the wrong man.”

She paused, hoping she wasn’t waning overly dramatic here.

”I’ve simply chosen to try and make the world a better place. To see the beauty instead of the darkness.”

Kealey wasn’t in the business of changing peoples’ minds. Change was rarely effective that way. A person had to choose for themselves in order for anything to truly be accomplished.

”I did that because I’ve also seen people who were willing to stand up for the people who were weaker than they were. I’ve known people who really are willing to sacrifice everything to give us somewhere to live that is safe for everyone. Most of all, though, I did that because I know what happens to people who choose otherwise. I’ve seen it, and that’s something I’d never want to become.”

By the time she finished speaking, Kealey’s voice was soft, but it was intense and filled with conviction. This was the core of her being, the reason for everything she’d tried to accomplish in her adult life. Maybe, just maybe, Meld would be able to understand now.

Meld nodded her thanks at Kealey. Although it was still rather disconcerting to think that her emotions were there for the woman to feel at will, at least she wasn't too likely to share them with others. While the woman, herself, obviously wasn't an enemy, it wouldn't be good information for an enemy to get their hands onto.

"Don't you think I wish we lived in a world in which the use of weapons wasn't needed?" Meld asked Kealey, coming to the realization that what they both wanted in the world wasn't so different. The difference lie in their views on how to create that ideal world. "I regret the necessity of having to learn to fight and apply what I learn." Though not the deaths themselves because she maintained that each and every one of the men and women she killed had been deserving of death, for one reason or another. "The world will not somehow magically become an ideal paradise, however. We need to work to create that ideal world and sometimes, as much as it pains us, violence is needed in order to advance the greater good."

Meld understood the fact that some were pacifists and most were willing to do far less than she was and bore no real ill will towards such people, even if she didn't entirely understand them. She firmly believed, however, that her role in creating the future for mutants that so many seemed to want, was that of a warrior. Few were willing to kill and as one of those few who were willing to take that ultimate step, it was her responsibility to do so. It was her responsibility to eliminate those threats to the mutant cause who couldn't be dealt with in any other way.

"Just because there's darkness doesn't mean there isn't also beauty." Meld didn't see why one couldn't exist without the other. Her own view of the world combined the two of them. In a way, she considered herself a warrior against the darkness, driving it back so that the beauty could expand and be enjoyed by everyone. Without such a warrior it would be forever relegated to small little pockets and she wanted it to be prominent enough to be enjoyed by everyone, not just the few.

"I defend my people," Meld answered with conviction, "especially those who are weaker than myself. Not everyone who fights or even kills is doing it because they are bad people. Not everyone has selfish motivations. Some of us do so because there simply is no other alternative. Some of us do so because if we don't then others will continue to suffer." Had she just admitted that not only did she fight but she also killed? Well, if Kealey wanted to find that out she just had to turn on the news or do a google search anyway. It wasn't like it was unknown information.