The fluffy bathrobe although far from being best quality felt like a luxury. After a month in which towels were not existent and every fabric that touched her skin seemed to scratch it, almost every fabric that she touched felt as good as good as silk. The long shower was also something she cherished. For the first time in quite a while she felt clean. The short amount of time mutants were allowed to spend in the showers in the camps and the frequency did something next to nothing to the level of cleanliness. Plus, the soap did a poor job of removing the dirt from hair and skin.

Hugging the bathrobe closer to her body, Alexandra left the steamy bathroom with a content sigh. Never had she thought that a shower and a relatively nice bathrobe would make her feel so good. She stepped in Pacifica’s room quietly, her arms still wrapped against her body. The woman was standing on the bed, her legs crossed while she waited for Alexandra to get out of the shower.

After the break out, all escapees hurried to the Underground’s Headquarters. Well, she thought that all the prisoners went that way, but judging by the crowded building, she assumed that most of them, if not all. With her old room in the HQ being given to someone else and with the craziness ensued when it came to assigning them to a temporary room, Alexandra was offered to use Pacifica’s room. She agreed instantaneously. She didn’t want to sleep, but as soon as she placed herself on Pacifica’s body to rest her drained body, she fell asleep. She wasn’t sure how much she slept, at some point Pacifica had woken her up.

Accepting Pacifica’s offer when the woman said that she could get some clothes for her so she could get rid of the stupid camp uniform, Alexandra had hopped into the shower and for almost two hours, she didn’t leave it. She nodded slightly in Pacifica’s direction when she entered into the room, before letting her eyes travel to the clothes set on the bed. An eyebrow arched at both the clothes and the boots that were awaiting her. Pacifica shrugged slightly before smirking in Alexandra’s direction. “Gabriel bought them. It was impossible to find clothes with all these people wandering around.” Alexandra walked toward the bed, raising the lingerie resting on top of the other clothes. “Yeah. I can see that a man bought these.”

Pacifica laughed slightly. Alexandra barely smiled in response. “ Well, it is pure luck that he found a store open today.” For a moment, Alexandra wondered what the hell was Pacifica’s talking about. Then it hit her. Right. At midnight, 2009 would turn into 2010. “Yeah…” Pacifica looked at her lack of excitement with questioning eyes but she didn’t voice any of her questions. After all, it wasn’t much of a surprise that after being in the camps one could not want to celebrate anything.

“Well then, I’m gonna let you change into your new clothes and I’ll go keep in check everyone before they destroy the building.” Alexandra nodded, with a lack of amusement although Pacifica was smiling when talking. Seeing that there was no point in even trying to cheer up the molecule manipulator, Pacifica got up and walked out of the room without saying anything else. Alexandra simply sighed, she just wanted to be alone. Slowly, she started to dress herself. The clothes weren’t exactly something she would have worn normally (minus the jacket, she liked the jacket), and the boots, well, the high heeled boots were exactly what she needed after a whole month in the camps.

Frowning at the scars on her body, she put on the leather jacket and the boots. At some point, and preferably as soon as possible, she needed a healer to get rid of every scar on her body so she wouldn’t remember about the camps every time she looked at herself. Sighing again she pulled her still wet hair into a bun and left Pacifica’s room. And that’s when sounds started to be poured in her ears. Still not very loud because the corridor that lead to Pacifica’s room protected the room itself from the sounds of so much people. Without much hurry, she walked toward the door. And she opened it. And she stared at the amount of people in the huge hall.

Some were laughing, some were drinking, some were eating. Most of them, preparing to celebrate the New Year. Her expression suddenly became blank. She didn’t know how exactly these people could celebrate hours after being released from the camps but she knew one thing. She didn’t want any celebration. So, using the fact that most people were too busy to even notice her, Alexandra quickly slipped trough groups of mutants, doing her best to avoid anyone she actually knew.

She really wanted to be alone in her sorrow and let anyone else who wanted to be happy to be happy. That is why, when the cold, fresh air whipped her face, she breathed out relieved.

The hall was silent, some mutants he knew others he didn’t the others that he knew that weren’t around were either sleeping or tending to their own affairs. Faces new and old had looks of sorrow some were looks of relief and others were happy. Clearing his throat and lifting his drink he yelled out into the hall in all the other mutants native tongue, ”We lost friends today….” the hall grew silent as some of the happy faces faded all of the members of the hall listened intently as he continued to speak, ”and though we will always remember them and the atrocities that happened today above all remember what caused this fear…” he paused and raised his glass higher some of mutants nodded there head.

More than some however eyed him and their faces turned grave like they were ready to react to his next words, deciding not to talk about the need to establish that humans shouldn’t fear them Sam cleared his throat and went in a slightly different direction. ”As we mourn those that have departed us we must also celebrate the living and the miracle that is our lives that could endure such hardships…” he smiled slightly his right eyebrow raised as his left eye remained hidden under the eye patch. Raising his glass Sam yelled loudly, ”To a brighter future!” he took a sip of his drink and others in the hall raised their glasses in turn. After taking a long drink of his beer that seemed to bring a fire to the bit of his stomach Sam let out a gasp and then raised his glass, ”Now let’s celebrate life!”

Cheers erupted as music started and mass chaos broke out in the hall men and women were dancing drink and having the time of their lives. Sam however remained silent for the most part as he stepped down he kept an eye out for Alex wherever she may be, things were weird between them after the break out and he started to get the impression that she was avoiding him. Not only that but when they were around each other it seemed like she did her best to avoid locking with his eye. A fact that he was upset about. She said she loved him right? What was the problem then?

Spotting Alex from across the hall he called out to her but failed for it was way to loud for her to hear him. Within moments he worked his way through the crowd where some tried to engage him in conversation while others either tried to dance with him and a few girls tried to kiss him. Avoiding all attempts of distraction Sam managed to trail Alex out of the head quarters they were at and he managed to spot her from afar.

The cold air touched his cheeks, as he got closer to her, a glow seemed to be radiating from her for a few moments before his head started to throb again. Shaking slightly he closed his eyes and the faint glow was gone. Rubbing his right eye he walked up to Alex and smiled, ”Bit chilly out here… t least it is quite…” Sam said as he got closer to Alex.

As soon as she was out, her pace slowed down considerably. The relative silence, she welcomed. Cheers, glasses and bottles being hit against each other in celebration made her head spin. She hugged herself as the flimsy jacket did little to protect her from the December-soon-to-be-January cold. And she kept walking with small steps, tuning out the world around her, not really paying attention to where she was going and not thinking at anything in particular either.

Probably that was why she did not hear footsteps behind her. Probably that was why she turned around rather startled when Sam talked. She blinked. “Sam, what are you doing out here?” Clearly, the most stupid question she could have asked. Clearly, he had followed her out. Clearly, she had done a poor job at avoiding people she knew. And clearly, Sam was probably the person she wanted to avoid the most.

He blinked what was he doing out here? He thought that was obvious near death experiences were usually supposed to be celebrated with loved ones right? So why was she asking such a question? He shrugged slightly as he eyed her hugging her jacket like she was cold. Welcoming his mutation back Sam focused on the air around them and took in the cold air with enthusiasm. He opened up his arms and spun around as he stopped short to look at Alex with his lone blue eye. ”Enjoy the freedom with the ones I care about.”

There were others he cared about back inside the headquarters but for now Alex was the one he was the most concerned about. Something was wrong and he wanted to figure out exactly what it was. She didn’t look happy at all, she should be after all the camps were destroyed and there was no reason why she shouldn’t be happy.

”Shouldn’t you be doing the same?” he asked curiously thinking of all people she would like to be free from the camps, ”I saw you leaving and I wanted to see you…” he cut himself short and looked down at the ground then looked off into the distance, ”You seem distant since we got out of the camp…”

Alexandra received the answer with the feeling of guilt that usually accompanied seeing Sam. Now even more, because, as she guessed, he was here because he cared. About her. And she had been trying to avoid him, to get herself rid of at least a part of the guilt. Selfish, as always, Alexandra Kettler. Her head was lowered and her hands went to her temples, rubbing slightly, without a particular reason. No headache to bother her. A gesture that, she hoped, would help her brain gather some coherent thoughts and make her say something.

Her hands dropped suddenly to her side while blue eyes rose to meet Sam’s lone one. “I-…” And she stopped. Lies refused to form. She had no idea what to say to Sam… except maybe the truth. “I… just wanted to be away from this. I’m not in the mood for celebrating.” And she blinked, not expecting Sam to be thrilled about her answer. Yeah, she liked being free. But freedom, well, freedom was not enough to make her happy. Right now, she was certain that there wasn’t anything… or anyone that could make her happy.

Nodding his head slightly Sam eyed Alex and matched gaze with her as she came up with an explanation as to why she wasn’t celebrating. She seemed upset that much was obvious from the way her hands went to her temple then fell shortly after. He sighed and took a step closer to her when she verbalized she didn’t feel like she was in the celebrating mood. He didn’t know why girls couldn’t be in the mood for celebrating when the situation was right… Leila was the same way some times though she was far more verbal when something was wrong.

Looking up to the sky Sam eyed the full moon large and round illuminating the sky as a few shimmering stars were concealed by a few rolling clouds. Other than that the night was perfect and quite completely different from the inside full of chaos and noise. If she had a headache from the chaos he could understand getting away from it all but even he felt the need to fight through the pain he was feeling with each quick flash in his vision.

”By this you mean the festivities or something else?” Sam asked curiously. If she wanted him to join him she would have gave him a signal of some kind or even called him but she did neither and he was worried that something was wrong. ”You don’t have a very good poker face, Al… something is up so spill it.”

Her own eyes traveled up curiously, glancing at the sky above. A perfect night for moving on to the new year. A full moon to watch over the world, the stars shinning brightly against the dark velvet of the sky and occasionally, a few clouds, passing by. A night that inspired calm. A night that inspired peace. And Alexandra was so far from feeling any of it.

Her heart started to beat faster as she let her eyes go back to Sam as soon as he started speaking. The muscles in her body tensed, suddenly. Was it that hard to understand that she wanted to be alone? To put some order in her head before she went crazy? Her eyes narrowed at Sam when he finished talking. “I am tired of putting on the poker face in case you haven’t noticed, Sam. That’s why I left, because I’m tired to pretend that everything is fine!”

Her voice came out louder than she had expected. Sharper too. She breathed long breaths to calm herself down. Sam wasn’t guilty… and she shouldn’t have snapped at him. But… “Look Sam. I’m sorry for this but I needed to be alone instead of ruining everyone else’s happiness. So the best for you is to go back inside… and enjoy the New Year. Don’t worry about me.”

A lone eyebrow lowered, ”Then don’t wear a poker face, if something is bothering you talk about it.” backing up and leaning up against the wall of the headquarters Sam looked back up to the sky and lowered his head. Alex snapped at him and it was obvious that things were starting to get worse between them or with everything in her life he didn’t know but he wanted to help. She was after all someone he cared about deeply.

Hearing her breath was a good sign a sign that she was trying to calm herself down and it meant she didn’t mean to snap at him. Shaking his head slightly Sam responded to Alex after she spoke again, ”If you want to be left alone that’s fine but, just remember, you wouldn’t ruin my happiness you’d be the reason why this New Years would be so incredible!” said Sam as he pushed off the wall and turned to face her, ”I never do what’s good for me, and we both know I’ll worry, that’s just who I am…”

Walking towards Alex and placing his arms around Alex and pulling her in for a hug, ”I’ll be inside, just remember at midnight I want to kiss the one I love to make sure the new year starts off with a bang.” he didn’t pull her into a kiss but rather let go and turned around and started his walk back inside towards the celebration.

Alexandra let Sam go with an awkward nod. Everything felt wrong. Everything. She started to walk herself, her eyes on the ground, her ears already starting to tune out the sounds around her. She kept walking, while reviewing her whole life. What happened, from the day when she had placed her foot in New York for the first time.

The fear that drove her there. Her first meeting with Sam and how he was left behind. The Stalkers. The Kabal. Her mission. Her parents, dead now. Everything that leaded to this. When did she allow things to go so horribly wrong? Was it when she accepted being a spy for Slate? Was it when she allowed Sam to get near her heart? Was it when she had killed her parents? Or was it the stupid trust that had her captured?

She stopped abruptly as the road that she was walking on ended, meeting with a mix of dead grass and dirty snow. Blue eyes looked up to the sky. Yes, she felt guilty about starting this whole registration act… but sooner or later, she would have dealt with it. But…

… you wouldn’t ruin my happiness you’d be the reason why this New Years would be so incredible …

She smiled slightly, remembering.

… I never do what’s good for me…

Maybe … he never did what it was good for him… but she didn’t see him with a missing eye before her.

… at midnight I want to kiss the one I love …

… she couldn’t forgive herself for letting the only person on Earth that she really loved getting hurt because of her.

A tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another, and another, and another.

She couldn’t let that happen again, could she?

Once he was inside the headquarters and back with the party a knot formed in the pit of his stomach, he didn’t know why but he had an uneasy feeling with the night like a foreshadowing feeling that he couldn’t quite understand. There were so many things that could go wrong with the night and luckily nothing has happened. Knocking on the punch table making sure he would counteract the jinx he just bestowed upon himself he looked to the clock and frowned slightly.

Sam had hardly moved from the entrance hoping that he would be able to jump Alex should she had returned back into the party, but alas she hadn’t and midnight was drawing near he was beginning to fear that his life would turn back into a pumpkin should he not get that kiss.

He was currently engaged in a conversation with a pink skinned mutant who had kept pulling back into conversation her electric blue eyes started at his patch and he started to feel uneasy as she placed a hand on the side of his face and asked him if it hurt. With a weak nod he smiled and said, ”Only when people touch it… but it was nice talking to you I have to go see someone before I turn back into a butler before midnight.” she stared at him with a confused look on his face and he shrugged it off she clearly didn’t get the Cinderella reference.

After bailing out of the conversation Sam ran back outside and lifted his phone to check the time. There wasn’t a tone of time left and he knew that if he didn’t find her he would have been disappointed in himself. He wanted to start the year off better than he did any other year he wanted to give his first few seconds of the new year to someone he cared about.

A few minutes on the ice slide and Sam managed to find his special someone standing at the end of the road. Lowering the slide till he was walking on pavement again he smiled and cleared his throat, ”A four minutes to midnight is cutting a little close. Didn’t think you’d be out here this long…” he frowned and eyed the tears streaking down her face, even in the faint moonlight he could tell that they were fresh enough to leave a gleam. ”You alright?” Sam asked as he reached a hand up and touched Alex on the arm.

Time seemed to have stopped. For her at least. Sam’s words were in her head, still. He’d asked to be with him for midnight. She knew that she should have listened, comply this request but somehow she found herself unable to move. She wasn’t sure if it was already past midnight or not… it didn’t matter, really.

Was there any point to lie to Sam that everything will be alright when she already set her mind on what she was going to do next? She’d hurt Sam again. But this time, this time it would be the last.

”A four minutes to midnight is cutting a little close. Didn’t think you’d be out here this long…”

Her heart skipped a beat. But somehow, she wasn’t surprised to hear Sam. She closed her eyes tightly and the arms she had kept folded in front of her dropped when Sam touched her.

”You alright?”

Slowly, she turned to face him. First her head. Then her body followed. The sound that her heels made when they touched the ground once again sounded like thunder in her ears. A fresh wave of tears appeared in her eyes. They kept falling down to her cheeks as she laid her eyes on Sam. “I’m sorry Sam…” She whispered. And she took another step forward, her arms wrapping themselves around Sam’s figure. She was truly sorry for hurting him again… but somehow, she doubted that Sam would feel any comfort in that.

When she turned to face him he didn’t respond as well as he would have liked. His first reaction was to ask her why she was crying what could possibly be wrong but all he could do is stare at her tear soaked face in the moonlight. His hand that was reached out to her fell to his side his hear sinking down into his stomach with each inch his hand fell. It was there he wanted to cry there as well it was almost like he developed an empathic link with Alex with all they had been through but, no water escaped from his eye not yet at least.

The sound that broke those few seconds when his body was frozen in time was the sound of her heels smacking against the pavement. When the sound reached his ears he blink and his fingers twitched as she braced him in a hug and started to cry even more. His heart forced his stomach down even further and he wrapped his arms around Alex, keeping her as close as humanly possible.

”Sorry for what?” he asked slightly surprised wondering if she was still blaming herself for his eye being butchered. He blinked once and then leaned in placing his hand at her back and moved it up and down in a rubbing motion. ”Shhhh…. You didn’t do anything wrong!” he whispered as he kept in the embrace but leaned back so he could see Alex’s face.

The tears continued to flow and his link with her seemed to cry out as well forcing tears to build up in the back of his right eye, which Sam blinked back with little effort. Alex didn’t need someone to cry with she needed someone to cry too he was her wall he was made of stone. Placing his hands on her cheeks and rubbing the tears from her face Sam smiled and shook his head, ”You’re the reason I made it through this, alright so stop thinking it’s your fault this happened…” he pointed to the patch covering his left eye, ”I have a big mouth and tend to use it, it would have happened regardless if you were there or not, hell they might even tried to kill me. The way I see it I owe you a debt that can’t be repaid.” glimpsing the watch on his wrist that was inches away from Alex’s face he smiled, ”Two minutes till midnight…”

Words came and went. They reached her ears and echoed trough her head only to be lost. Fingers dug into Sam’s back, as for a moment she wished she could back off. Forgive herself… Fool herself. She forced her eyes to close, her tears to stop. Suddenly, her fingers relaxed. And Alexandra stepped back, a hand cruelly stopping the motion of the tears on her skin.

Alexandra simply blinked, for a few moments just watching Sam. “I am sorry… because I am going to hurt you again.” A sigh left her lips as she looked down at the ground for a few seconds. Gathering up her forces. “I love you Sam…” The small distance that separated them became non existent as Alexandra stepped forward. Her arms reached Sam’s face, cupping his chin. And she attempted to smile. “But I’m not going to let this hurt you anymore.”

Her voice was broken. She looked for another moment in his eyes… eye. Then, she kissed him, one last time.

Cheers filled the air as the clock hit midnight. It was a new year. And a new beginning. Unfortunately, not the happy one she was hoping for not long ago. It felt more like the end.

When she stepped back his hands fell from her face as confusion struck his face, ”Stop… you never hurt me to begin with…” he didn’t understand what she was trying to say but it was starting to scare him. Why did she blame herself there was no reason she should. He already told her he didn’t blame her what else could he say to make her feel like she wasn’t at fault?

Remaining as still as a statue Sam watched Alex step forward and cupped his face in her hands cradling his face gently. ”I love you too…” Sam said almost out of reaction when someone he cared for said that to him. He meant it, more than he could express. Sam stared at her confused when she said she wasn’t going to let it hurt him again, what ‘it’ was he wasn’t sure but he had a feeling he wasn’t like where this was going.

He blinked as his lips were embraced in hers once again, a feeling he would never forget. The one he loved expressing her affection with him. He could hear the cheers from inside the headquarters and he smiled, he got his wish and got the start to the New Year that he wanted but… a nagging feeling feel upon Sam as he was thinking about what she was saying. He opened his eyes and blinked once and then waited till the kiss would end before asking the question, ”Wait, what are you trying to say?” Sam asked hoping it wasn’t going where he thought this conversation was going.

It felt difficult to get the words out. Her mouth refused to open for a few seconds, her tongue starting to feel paralyzed whenever she tried to talk. She could sense that Sam started to suspect what she was planning to say and the look she received didn’t make things any easier.

Slowly Alexandra took a step back, letting her arms drop by her sides tiredly. “I…” She paused, thinking for a few seconds how to voice her thoughts. “want…?” Alexandra let her eyes travel down, watching the interesting mixture of dirt, dead grass and snow. She didn’t sound very convinced, did she? How the hell was she supposed to convince Sam this is the best when she couldn’t convince herself?

Breathe in, breathe out. Blue eyes snapped back to Sam. “Want.” Her voice didn’t sound very convincing this time either. Sharp, forced, yes. But not convincing. “I want to end this relationship.” At her sides, hands turned into fists while she fought to keep her composure. “Now.”

It’s the wisest, safest thing to do. And Alexandra Kettler always played best on the safe side… right?