Bell walked into the nearly empty sanctuary away from the confession box. She felt her heart heavy with the burdens and memories clench tightly in her chest. She would not cry. She was stronger than that. Taking out her rosary she picked an already occupied pew and quietly knelt down in submission. Her baggy clothes did nothing to hide her tiny frame, ill fitting and unfashionable they were a far cry from what she wanted to wear. She wanted lacey dresses and pretty cardigans. She wanted to wear heels instead of loafers. She wanted to wear makeup for Mary's sake. But the priest had told her that it was likely for the best that she remain hidden as a boy. Life was hard and she had no one to turn to with all these feelings and urges she had.

"My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do what is right. I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with Your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin." She prayed aloud, though it was barely a whisper. The priest had been kind telling her that she had not sinned gravely during the last week. She had been afraid that she'd sinned, that she was always sinning badly. It made her strive to do more good to balance out the bad she might have been doing. Her uncle turned dad told her she worried too much about that. That she was a good kid, weird but good. Even Annie her former nanny had told her she was worried over nothing.

How could they say that when she was a human being? Human beings sinned. It was in their nature. It was why Christ had died for them. Knowing Christ loved her no matter what she was was a great comfort to her. He could accept the fact her body wasn't built the way it should have been. Well at least the way Bell thought it should have been. The Lord Almighty worked in ways that no mere mortal could comprehend. God had made her this way, He had a plan, she just had to see what it was.

Opening her eyes she glanced at her pewmate. He was distressed, conflicted, and all around not doing well at all. Biting her lip she let her emerald eyes focus on the grown man who looked to be struggling with something. Reaching for her messenger bag she rummaged around until she found her sack of goodies. Today's treat were homemade buckeyes, individually wrapped in wax paper to better hand out to people. She'd already left one in the confession box for the priest but this man seemed to need the candy more.

"E-excuse m-me s-s-sir?"[/COLOR] She stuttered out quiet as a mouse. She held her hand out to him, offering a candy with a shy nervous smile. [/span] "G-god has a p-p-plan for us all. T-trust in H-him."[/COLOR][/span]

Rex had been in the sanctuary for hours now, enjoying the simpleness of it. The room itself was beautiful and lowly-lit, conducive for quiet reflection and meditation and giving a sense of privacy. Others had come in and out during the course of Rex’s visit, but he’d outlasted everyone so far. He had nowhere else to be, since he was still on hiatus, and he didn’t want to stay home.

It was far too painful and lonely there.

This cathedral wasn’t the regular one he attended. He shopped around, somewhat, utilizing different churches for different means. This one was very out of the way from him and he was unlikely to ever meet anyone he knew there.

It was a place he could think without worrying about what others thought, or feeling their stares burning into his back. Here, he was simply another soul, longing for a connection to the divine.

After, he already had a connection to hellfire. Didn’t he? His head and heart still couldn’t agree as to whether his new gift was one to be ashamed of or admired, regardless of what he did with it. He was constantly seeking help from his priest regarding the matter, but sometimes like today, he just needed to process things.

At some point, he was in a pew with his head and forearms resting on the back of the pew in front of him in prayer. It helped him sort his thoughts out sometimes. That didn’t seem to be the case today. Thoughts of cults and witchcraft wrestled with a lifetime of convictions. Guilt, grief, and shame were the results.

Then a voice broke through his reverie.

Rex opened his eyes and raised his head, turning to look at the boy standing there, offering...candy? And reassurance. He frowned for a moment, then forced a polite smile. He took the proffered candy and slid it into his shirt pocket. “Thank you,” he said a little stiffly. It wasn’t that he was irritated by the boy’s presence, he just wasn't used to being approached in the church, at least not by someone who wasn’t a priest.

He also didn’t talk to a lot of people, these days.

He cleared his throat and tried again. “Thank you,” he said again, sounding a little more natural. “For the candy. And the words. It’s just some days it’s harder than others.” And even though God has a plan, it doesn’t mean I’m following it. Behind his smile his mood plummeted again.

Well at least she wasn't bothering the stranger. His turmoil was so strong and so bone deep that it made Bell's heart ache for him. What sort of trials was this man going through? It wasn't her place to ask, not really, but he felt so lost to her. Maybe he needed a hand to help him through his darkness. Bell could offer that at least. Carefully she sat down and focused her attention on the man. She didn't look him in the eyes, she couldn't quite do that yet because eye contact was scary but she could at least be politely turned towards him.

"Y-you're w-welcome." She didn't touch him or move any closer but she obviously kept her attention on the unknown man. "I k-know. G-god has g-given m-me t-trials t-to overcome. S-sometimes I-i j-just want t-to s-say s-screw i-it, l-life i-is hard, p-people c-can be g-genuinely h-hateful, a-and t-the L-Lord s-seems absent."

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath. She had to keep talking even though it was hard to get the words out due to her nervous stutter. It had been easier to confess her sins in an even voice that had only broken a time or two because the priest here was so kindhearted Bell couldn't be afraid of him. He was a priest afterall and Bell trusted the devout fathers with her life. Quite literally in this instance since she had broken her cover as a witness in protection.

"B-but t-the L-lord's absence i-isn't r-really a-absence. H-he g-gave us t-the f-free w-will t-to find H-him in our lives. H-he'll c-carry u-us i-if w-we'll l-let h-him w-we j-just h-have t-to t-trust and m-meet Him h-halfway." Bell looked down at her small hands and smiled sadly. "I-I'm s-still w-working on f-finding m-my p-path b-but I-I k-know my d-direction i-is t-to h-help."

The smile faded as the guy spoke. Those weren’t the words Rex needed to hear. He didn’t even know what words he needed to hear. But those weren’t them. He didn’t doubt God at all - he doubted himself. But Rex took another look at this stranger and held his tongue. The kid could barely get a word out and didn’t seem able to look him in the eyes.

Maybe Rex wasn’t the only one trying to overcome something. The boy pressed on and Rex listened, genuinely so. There was always the chance a stranger’s wisdom could apply at another point in life. They weren’t helping right now though. Still, he tried keeping that from his face.

“It is admirable that you know your path so young,” Rex said crisply, nodding at the young man. The boy looked young indeed. High school? Early years? “I was an adult before I figured mine out.” Rex’s words were pitched softly, so the kid would hear fine but the few other congregants would’ve be disturbed from their meditations.

“Sounds like you have some experience with life being rough.” There was no condescension in his voice, as if the kid hadn’t lived enough to know real problems. The kid probably had. Rex didn’t know many kids who visited church during the day and by themselves who didn’t have problems.