Carrick sat perched up on the seat nearest the window, it was raining but had signs of breaking the sun broke free in a few spots on the mansion grounds. His guitar strings tanged as he played a sad song he didn’t know the lyrics yet but it was a song about heartbreak at least that was how he felt when he played it.

The guitar whined as he tweaked his fingers holding the note longer before leading into the rest of the song. His tail reached around and smacked the body of the guitar to match pace with his playing. Some could say he was almost a one man band. Some. Most of the time he didn’t write his own stuff. This one however was inspired by another mansionite. Words were harder to come up with mainly because he didn’t remember everything. At least that was what he told himself.

It was a slow summer day in the mansion. It must have been Sunday. Could have been Monday. He didn’t really know all he knew was he didn’t have any gigs till Thursday meaning he was just killing time now hoping for the rain to stop falling. He wanted to fly. His wings ruffled out in protest before settling back down. Carrick ignored them and his audience, a few younger kids seemed to gather on the couches enjoy his music on this lazy rainy day.

He was bored.

Liz walked down the halls of the mansion, stopping every so often for so many reasons. This was the room the goblin demolished. And this one was where l tormented the snow-making guy. And there’s where Nico cursed for the first time. In English, that is. There was nostalgia, bittersweet nostalgia, and echoes of genuine joy. And a host of other feelings.

Trapped! Love! Happphappyhappy! Hungry. Curiosity. Fear. Anger. Indignation. Anxious. The empath halted and frowned. Those...weren’t her feelings. No, they felt like they were coming from the place beyond her mind, that sea she always imagined herself suspended in , protected only by walls she’d painstakingly built over time. The sea of animal emotions.

And there were far too many emotions swelling against those walls. The mansion had always been home to numerous pets (both sanctioned and snuck in) and the estate made a natural home for many other critters, but this was well above anything she’d encountered at the mansion before. It was odd. And since Liz had already decided to spend the rainy day exploring the mansion and seeing what had changed she set herself a quest to track down the sources of emotions.

Liz’ concentration on the strength of those feelings were her compass, guiding her to alter paths whenever the feelings felt stronger or weaker. And along her quest, she soon passed near the living room of the mansion. And there was guitar music. It was sweet, beautiful, but in the heartbreaking fashion of all the best songs. Suddenly, her quest was abandoned. She changed course to the living room.

And stopped dead in her tracks at the entrance.

”Carrick?”

The golden wings flexed under the warmth of the sunlight as Carrick kept playing. He didn’t look from the window, not yet. The voice registered but whom it belonged to was far away. His tail was the first one to respond, stopping the rhythmic beating on the drum into a swish and flick. ”Aye, that’s my name.” he said not sure who would want to interrupt his sun-bathing/brooding time.

He turned his head when he stopped playing and looked over his shoulder to see her. An older her, but still her not the girl he remembered like it was a few months ago before she disappeared. Carrick still blamed beast form for it.

His eyes lit up and then he nodded his head, ”You look familiar, love. I must have met you from somewhere. Can’t recall.” Carrick said setting his guitar down now wanting to mess with Liz more than anything. Was he upset she vanished on him, yes? However he also knew a lot more time went by for both of them even if he didn’t look it. His tail flicked behind him revealing his thoughts.

Carrick set his guitar down gently on the bench and then he pushed himself up. His wings and tail might have been an easy tell but since he had last seen her his facial features were a little different. The shifter smirked revealing more pointed teeth. ”So, did ya find them cigarettes?” his eyebrows raised.

As the winged lad turned to look at her, Liz’ world froze.

A few of the details were different, but Carrick looked virtually untouched by time. Just like her memories of him. The feathers, the tail, that persistent smirk he always seemed to have and that she used to find so endearing. So there were a few things different, but Liz reflected that one really couldn’t expect a shapeshifter to always look the same.

The world seemed to restart again as he spoke. The Irish accent was a melody from her past, even as the music itself faded. But it seemed he didn’t remember her. “It’s Liz,” she said, entering the room proper and drifting towards the gryphon-man. “Elizabeth Sundance. We used to date…?”

She leaned against the arm of a couch a comfortable speaking distance away. And then she saw what his tail was doing. And combined it with his smirk and his question. Her smile straightened out. She started piecing it together. “You know full well this is a smoking-free establishment,” she said. “But you look good, Carrick. Years look like they’ve been good to you.”

When he heard her say her name he scrunched his nose in her direction. It reminded him of the first time she introduced himself. He wasn’t much younger then, but brought up a lot of weird feelings. Ones that conflicted with how he wanted to feel. His tail flicked when she leaned on the couch. ”Sundance…” he said holding his chin.

”Oh? Odd. Figured that’s where you’ve been all this time, just like me da. Why would you go in get cigarettes for a place ya can’t smoke at.” Carrick said mocking a bow. His wings opened during the bow and his tail brandished itself before following suit with the rest of his body.

”Years, no. Far from kind.” he said up righting his bow. His wings folded behind him, ”Took me a magic pill though, let me turn back the clock so to speak.” he said with a little smirk. ”Being old was overrated.” he said lying. He was looking for an excuse to forget, to run away. Even the drug didn’t do that.

”You look nice as well.” he said averting his gaze from her and looked back out the window trying to distract himself. More sunlight now meaning less rain. Maybe it be worth getting rained on to get out of this conversation.

Liz opened her mouth but she didn’t have any words. What was this thing about his dad and cigarettes? Unless… No, that’s what happened with his dad, wasn’t it? He just abandoned them one day. But she hadn’t. He knew she had gone to college….right? Liz’ eyebrows furrowed into a frown. Hadn’t she told him that? And even if she hadn’t, he could've found out easily. Others knew.

But that’s not the same as hearing it straight from the horse’s mouth, is it? The frown vanished and the blonde swallowed. But she had already delayed speaking for too long.

“Oh my stars,” Liz said as the enormity of what Carrick said fell on her. She only semi-gracefully slid from the arm of the couch onto the seat cushions proper. “You deaged yourself.” On purpose. Why? She searched his face. That characteristic smirk was there. And the rest of his body language was the same as it always looked to her, impish, aloof, and devil-may-care. Classic Carrick.

Especially now, when it seemed this truly was the classic Carrick. Elizabeth’s eyes dropped to Carrick’s tail before flicking back up to his face. She didn’t believe the flippant “overrated” comment for a second. She hadn’t missed his rejection of her statement. Something had happened. Something he was hiding. Something….that it maybe wasn’t her place to know?

Her eyes were a little glassy as she accepted Carrick’s compliment. “Thank you,” she said with a subdued smile and hint of a blush. She glanced away herself. The charm was still there, even if she must seem a stranger to him. Change the subject, girl.

How old are you now? When did you deage? Why? What’s going on? What do you remember? Did I tell you good-bye? Did you get over me? Were you hurt? Questions stirred and bubbled up in her mind even as a small army of feelings began rising in her. But instead, she forced her features into curiosity. Reservedness. Like meeting an acquaintance in an art gallery, when you didn’t know they enjoyed art. “That song was beautiful,” she said at last. It wasn’t at all what she wanted to say but all she trusted herself to say. “Have you been playing long?”

It was nice he still could still be a source of surprise for her. His tail flicked in triumph as she slid down the couch. ”Aye, I did.” he said wishing he couldn’t remember why. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case for the now de-aged shifter.

He folded his arms briefly not sure what to do with his hands when she thanked him. Carrick wasn’t wrong she did look good, he just wished his feelings weren’t there. It’s been years, she left and didn’t say a word, he shouldn’t have feelings like that, for someone who could just leave without saying goodbye. Even his mother managed to say goodbye.

”Thanks, love.” they were talking about him again. His toothy grin flashed in her direction again and his mismatched colored eyes landed on her. Studying her, maybe she was feeling bad for not saying anything to him? ”I’ll let you know when you’re royalties are in. You were the muse for it.”

His smile faded, ”A few years, or a few months. Depends who you ask. When did leave? Needed something to do to keep meself busy after I went home. Flying only took up so much time.”

"You were the muse for it.”

Again, a wave washed over Liz. That beautiful song was inspired by her? It was so sad and to her, haunting even. It was the kind that would lead Liz to tears if she listened to it long enough. And it was borne from a heart she’d been instrumental in breaking.

That wave of shock, awe, and deep regret rolled out from Liz and began sweeping through the mansion. Pets began to quiet down and become still. What little outdoor activities animals were managing in the mostly rain, partially sunny day were faltering. “....I am so sorry, Carrick,” she said, her voice a little rough.

And his answer wasn’t an answer. At least not to the questions she wasn’t asking. But still it gave her insight and it just broke her heart a little more with every word. His smile was dying. She was reading between the lines, sure, and maybe she was wrong, but she didn’t really care. If he was still the Carrick she had known, jokes were his defense against everything. And if the jokes were gone….

Liz twisted and leaned forward, resting her fingers on the couch’s arm and staring straight into Carrick’s eyes, her own wide and earnest. “I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I am so sorry I didn’t know.” Her voice... was it breaking?

“And….” she paused. “....I’m sorry for not saying good-bye.”

Maybe it was tacky, talking about herself when she suspected some tragedy had happened to Carrick. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to say. But it was done. She’d felt it was the right thing, at least for her. And maybe she couldn’t help being selfish.

Her gaze made him shift uncomfortably, first starting with his tail then with his wings and then his own eyes. He felt it hard to make eye contact with her. She was exposing him and he didn’t like it. Mismatched colored eyes locked on her brown ones for a moment and he felt his heart sink. The butterflies she used to give him were back as if nothing had happened and they were both teenagers again. But they weren’t. He was. And she was the one who left him behind.

It probably hurt more because to him this was just a few months in the past, it hurt more knowing this was the first time she was apologizing after all these years. ”We used to date.” he said repeating her words still bitter about the situation. She used to be his best friend. ”Why you sorry?” Carrick responded quickly his tail flicking behind him.

Unknown to the de-aged shifter, all the animals in the mansion and outside were settling down. The only one who wasn’t was the animal inside Carrick. It made him want to yell and run from the room, scream at her. Years of feelings, thoughts on those feelings started to boil to the surface. His pupils turned to cat like slits as he stared at her. His heart rate sped up and he was feeling the urge to shift. To roar. Screech anything else than stand in this conversation.

”Who knows, might be my number one hit.” he said trying to laugh. His tail was the only thing Carrick couldn’t hide. ”I’m sorry for scaring you off.” he said finally turning and grabbing his guitar. Carrick gave another bow this one lower. This time he didn’t make eye contact. ‘flight’ he heard his shifted forms whisper in the back of his mind.

Elizabeth’s powers did not touch humans of any type in any way. She could not possess them or feel what they felt. In the past she had always considered this a blessing - how much worse would her meltdowns have been if they’d included humans as well? Not to mention the riots. But now Liz fervently wished she could feel what Carrick felt and maybe, just maybe, make him feel something else. Peace, happiness, or what have you.

But her gifts could not help her here, even though Carrick had a tail and wings, he was not an animal. He was a human, one who was still very special to her. All she had to go by were the traits he displayed and her own knowledge of how he behaved.

“I’m sorry because it wasn’t fair,” she said softly. “You deserved more than that. Deserve more.” Liz corrected herself. How old was he? He looked too close to how he was when she’d left, albeit taller. Was this the Carrick she’d just abandoned?

Liz kept searching him for clues of where his thoughts were. She scanned his face, his tail, his wings, anything that might give her something to work with. And his eyes were slits. Liz suddenly stilled. Old things began to drag themselves from the past and flickers of ancient fears began to return.

No! I will not be afraid again! Liz closed her eyes briefly and tried to find that island of serenity lurking somewhere inside of her. I will not make that mistake again.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she said, still softly. She returned her gaze to his face, regardless of what his eyes looked like and that her heart was beating faster. I can control this. “You weren’t in control. Neither was I.” Too often she’d been lost to her feelings, whether hers or an animal’s. Too often she lost control in a situation because she gave it up. “I realized that a long time ago. But I needed space. And then school was starting, I was hating myself, I was stressed, and….and I just left.”

“....I’ll leave you alone now too, if you want.”

His tail flicked in her direction when she said he deserved more. He didn’t want more, not then. Not now, he just wanted her around. His anger surged slightly and he felt his throat rumble before he coughed the rumblings away. ‘Fight’

”No,” Carrick said his grip tightening around the guitar till his knuckles were white. ”Neither of us was in control.” he agreed till his teeth flashed into a grin. He didn’t want to be having this conversation this should have been one they had years ago when she called him and apologized for leaving.

”We had phones. Letters. You could have even sent a pigeon.“ she knew he hated pigeons at least she did. ”Instead I find out me girlfriend ghosted me from a teacher when I couldn’t find you. I was worried bout ya.” Carrick rolled his eyes and cursed, loudly.

”****’ed init?” he sighed, ”I had to know I scared you to the point of leaving. Without saying anything. Was ‘fraid to shift for years, something so bad my girlfriend, bestfriend whatever just left.” Carrick ran his fingers through his hair and sighed loudly.

”Well we might of not been in control, ‘owever we do now yeah?” he asked his wings snapped outwards and he gave a little bow again before they snapped shut as he walked towards the hallway.

Weather be damned he was flying or finding a place to yell. ‘Fight’ or fight. ”Pleasure seeing ya love, stop in another few years. Might even ‘ave a full album.” he looked back to her once more his eyes no longer slits. ”All the spaces you can handle.” he smirked and walked out.

He wasn’t smiling. At least, it was a true smile. Liz beheld the anger in Carrick. The hurt. And a sense of otherness that instinctively made her reach out with her powers to sense what was happening. But there was nothing there. Carrick was a void to her mind. And that made her uncertain.

And Carrick was completely right. Liz wanted to speak up, to say something, but what could she say? The damage was done. In leaving, she had slammed the door behind her, careless of who was in the doorway. Who was stuck on the other side. In walling herself off from the things that tried to pull her down, she’d cut herself off from the people who raised her up.

She watched as he sketched a final bow, with wings spread wide, and he stalked out. She said nothing. Her eyes said everything. She forced herself to be still, to do nothing, to say nothing. Was that the beast she was seeing in Carrick? The beast she’d seen all those years ago? Or was this the hurt boy lashing out? Or a man trying to figure out a world that moved on without him?

But she said nothing. She didn’t move, not until she couldn’t hear him anymore.

Only then did she drop her face in her hands and weep.