Jude drew his shoulders up, self conscious about his own shadow. Whose life was he ruining? Probably not Zaid's based on the sounds he was making. That made it just a bit better.

"I don't think you'll have the same trouble here. A few kids have tails of their own... and I don't think there are any babies? Might change in a few months, but you'd be surprised. Maybe it's different now, but no one wanted to be caught crying when I was here. It's sort of an us versus them, kids V adults. Someone cries, we all got in trouble." He shivered appreciatively at the breath on his ears. They were sensitive and he wasn't soon to forget that. But he was determined to explain how things were here. They weren't bad. Just different.

Jude's nose twitched at the smell of nearby food. It might have been mid-day, but Jude was wrung out. If Jude was wrung out, Zaid had to be doubly so.

> "Can we see your old room?"

He turned his smile into Zaid's shoulder, more than pleased.

> "You make me say the stupidest things, you know that?"

"Ghost says only the people in our hearts can make us stupid laugh. I'll take stupid words as a close second." He planted a quick kiss on Zaid's cheek. Funny, just a couple words and he felt like he could bench press the moon. He climbed down first and offered his hand. Zaid needed safety. Jude needed to know he was still there.

"My room is... er, was in the boy's hall, furthest down. They almost never fill up all the rooms. Unless they need to segregate someone else for safety, it's probably empty." He offered a smile that seemed somehow younger and more innocent than his usual as he stuffed some scones in his pockets for later.

"Rule number one, don't pass up a free meal." DocProf might enjoy the rest so he left it and tugged Zaid into the hallway and toward the main front hallway with its sweeping double stairs.

"That way is the girl's hall. They have it good. Their back stairs lead down to the classrooms which are empty at night. The boy's hall," he pulled them up the stairs in the direction opposite for the girl's hall, "is on top of administration and security. And the back stairs lead to the adults. Can't imagine why..." He teased and pulled them to the side as a goo girl sludged by. He felt the rhythm of being here again and hadn't realized that it was a part of him.

"I almost never come back except to visit the doctor or grab a power. I don't think I've been up these stairs in... years." The hallway upstairs was richly carpeted with a runner carpet making it just that much extra. Tiny tables, vases with flowers, and other decorations no boy would ever choose himself decorated their journey. The door numbers counted down until they reached around a slight bend and hit the end of the Mansion. The window at the end of the hall looked out toward the field house and could juuuuust barely catch a glimpse of the pool.

To the left, room 2. "This one was me." Behind them was room 1 which he'd honestly never seen occupied. He knocked just in case, but the door just creaked open. Maybe it was the bunny senses, but it smelled a bit musty. He noticed that his Bone Bikini Babe poster was still up, albeit with one corner sagging. The room had bunk beds and a wooden floor and a window that looked straight out toward the field behind the Mansion, but was otherwise empty.

"What do you think?"

Was Jude putting a positive spin on things? Probably. That didn’t mean Zaid wasn’t grateful. He was in no shape to be alone right now, try as he might to act or feel fine. Sometimes emotions were like the ice, and took one bump to bust through.

Zaid wanted to hope the kids here were as well behaved as Jude was claiming. His tail hoped so too. His cheek was warm with the kiss then cold again. He felt greedy. Every time the contact left he wanted to reclaim Jude to his side. Only people close... Zaid wasn’t sure he had stupid laughed yet, but he already knew Jude had set up base camp and claimed his spot in Zaid’s heart. Stupid laughing must just be delayed by life or death peril.

Jude led the way and Zaid followed, letting his nose focus on Jude and the pocket of scones, keeping hold of his hand. He had to trick his brain, planting stories as he went: Zaid was visiting where Jude grew up. He was getting closer to him and he was here for that reason.

Just like when he lost his parents, Zaid pulled himself up with whatever strength he could muster. He was physically weak, but he had faced multiple struggles to build his minds resilience. He let himself be drawn in by the tour, smiling at the commentary, fascinated by the buildings and size of everything. The only clue something was off was the way he held a bit too tight to the other man’s hand. Don’t think. Future, forward. Gambatte kudasai. He just needed to do what he could, that was enough.

They reached the room, and Zaid felt his nose quiver as he took in the smells. Jude hadn’t been here in years, that much was evident, but there was still a sense of belonging that came from being there. Zaid wrapped his arms around Jude, hugging him and then moving to the side so he could talk. He want tall enough to use Jude’s shoulder as a chin rest like he would have enjoyed. He would have to settle for being the shorter one, if only by a handful of inches. ”Your taste of decor is stylish. Only thing missing is a poster of a fast car.”

Zaid never went through the car phase, but he saw enough lockers in school to know the general mentality. It felt good to tease Jude a little, the smell of the stolen food quickly chasing away any stale smells.

Jude's taste in decor was unflappable. He scoffed at the rebuke in mock offense.

"The girl in that photo is like a million years old now and never my crush. I was trying to get her to teach me to beat people up once. So maybe you could count her as an idol of sorts? Definitely not one that the x-men ever wanted. Hah." He ran around the room with Zaid in tow checking the window and that there were sheets on the beds. The bathroom door was open, not all rooms had them but it was a necessity when you were this isolated.

"I mostly put it up to annoy my roommates because she was, like, public enemy number 1 for a while there. I had, let's see... a guy who literally ate paste. I wonder what happened to him? Also a guy that made snow when he danced. They tried to put the people who would have the least amount of impact on everyone, but nothing ever worked long term. Eventually I just got to be alone." Technically. In reality he'd broken all kinds of rules by harboring a homeless girl. Still, it wasn't a bad setup.

"So. What do you think?" He was weirdly nervous in asking. "I get... that I don't get it, you know? People will tell you that in a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad. So- so you need to be in a place where you can pass time safely." He rocked from the balls of his feet to the heels, trying not to over explain or under explain and probably still managing to do both all at once.

Zaid tried to look unconvinced by Jude's defense of the poster, while secretly glad the man had never seen his own apartment. There was far too much ammo there for him to ever defend, including his manga collection which Erik had ready pawed through. Although he was somewhat pleased by the phrase never my crush. Not that he was keeping a list, or competing. Although he had survived meeting Ghost and frankly, any form of survival when it came to the other parties parents seemed important.

"Pretty sure my only idols were animated, and one of them was a police officer. Not that, I ever see myself pursuing law enforcement. Actually, I have a complete lack of goals. Maybe I'll just keep cooking. Then Gordon Ramsey can be my idol and I can start cussing a lot." Hell's Kitchen would be so much less amusing if it was hosted by a bunny who thought 'stars' was the equivalent of a cuss word.

Zaid listened to Jude talk about his roommates, used to the nervous way he seemed to talk when he wasn't sure what to do. It was, touching, in a way, how much effort Zaid could see going into making him feel safe here. He wished he could throw away all the underlying emotions, and not need anyone to walk on eggshells. But it only took one wrong bump for things to break him in all the wrong places.

He kissed Jude on the cheek and hugged him, pressing his face against his shoulder. "It's great. And it means a lot, really, that you....that you've already done so much. I'll be fine, I'm not--" it was like fire running down his back, the word catching in his mouth and making him clench his jaw reflexively. He felt a tiny prick of pain as he bit his own tongue, but he had already walked into it. Weak. I'm not weak. It was like a million doors in his mind he was trying to shut off as quickly as possible. The rabbit trail leading deeper toward the things he just escaped. The laughter, the mocking, the cage. His spine stiffened and he tried to get his jaw to loosen, tasting iron.

He took a second, breathing against Jude's shirt, well aware his anxiety had flipped his mood faster than a traffic light. He needed a distraction. Anything to keep those walls in his head defending him from the horrors behind them. "M...maybe we can get a computer or something to watch movies on? I have a streaming account. I only have the desktop at the apartment and the games on that aren't exactly portable. Or, uh, maybe..." he melted into a string of Japanese as he pulled back long enough to rub his forehead with a hand. He swiped at his eyes again, angry and his native tongue was the simplest way to scold himself without Jude knowing how bitter he was being.

Animated... idols. It simply did not compute. Animated ones? Like fake? But why like fake when real life was twice as wonderfully weird?

"I thought about working with police. It's part of the X-way." But the thought of Zaid running around and yelling at people because of their culinary failures had Jude snorting into Zaid's hair as he drew himself closer.

"With enough practice even you can sound like a proper TV Celebrity Chef." Jude was of the opinion that with enough will there was always gonna be a way.

What was promising to be a fun conversation in getting Zaid some swearing practice quickly devolved to Zaid falling apart. It wasn't the swearing. It probably wasn't the anything beyond circumstances that had a tendency to sneak up and tear things down when least expected. But Jude had experienced very little by way of unearned personal grief, all things considered. Yeah, he'd had to mourn a few things, but a lot of those were his fault too... this... this was not Zaid's fault. Jude did his best not to panic.

Ok. He was totally panicking.

"I- No. Wait. Yes! Computer. Uhh, uhhh." His hands were occupied, gripping Zaid tightly, as if by holding him close he might keep anything else from breaking down. He looked around, but this wasn't a physical problem. No tape or staples would fix this. He pulled away and Jude knew he was totally blowing it. He didn't know Japanese, but he knew tone. That was anger... disappointment?

Jude was pretty sure he was turning colors again and the urge to bolt out of the door had to be bunny related. Only Zaid wasn't that kind of threat.

He didn't want to leave, even to get a computer and a distraction. He was somehow sure that if he left, Zaid wouldn't be here when he came back.

"Phone...?"

Zaid was frustrated. Frustrated with himself for falling apart so easily, frustrated that it kept making Jude stress more. He could hear the panic in the words Jude was saying. They were both fishing for something tangible to hold onto. Why why why was it so hard just to keep it together. He knew it hadn't even been a day, so this was expected, but he wanted a feeling of control again, even if it was only his own mind.

The suggestion was enough to stop the panic, bring him back. Phone...? Zaid rubbed his forehead, and leaned his head back against Jude. "Yeah, yeah a phone would work fine. Uh, we'll have to download the app. But then I can log in for you."

He was aware of the smell of food still in Jude's pocket now, and felt his stomach rumble slightly. He really should have tried eating. He felt exhausted and they had done nothing more than walk to the room. He felt Jude move, assuming he was trying to download the appropriate app. If prompted he would login. Then again, he hadn't even asked if Jude had his own streaming login. They hadn't watched movies together before. That thought, at least, felt nice.

Jude offered the phone like a peace offering and it was accepted. Bullet dodged. For now. Jude hesitated, more than on egg shells. He was messing this up, he was sure of it.

Was that... a tummy rumble? Pocket scones to the rescue. Jude pulled out a scone and pressed it between Zaid's hands with an encouraging half-smile. Food was a safe middle ground, right? His other hand tried to figure out what to download. There weren't that many popular streaming services out there, right? He set about downloading all of them. He just went down the line clicking download because his phone data space was far less important than this. Far, far less important.

"Here." He maneuvered Zaid toward the bed and set his phone down beside the other boy.

He knew it was over the top. The apps were still loading. It was a single bed. Still, they'd make it work. Jude hopped up to nab the pillow from the top bunk and rolled the side table closer so he could unload the rest of the scones. It wasn't a perfect replica of the sorta hospital set up downstairs, but it was... begrudgingly acceptable. This time, though, Jude snuck in between Zaid and the headboard.

It would be easier to watch that way...

Jude did not miss the stomach rumble, whether it was because of the ears, or his extra alertness to Zaid’s mood or even both. Zaid took the scone gratefully and this time he ate it. The first bite was hard to swallow but then his hunger won and his body realized how long it had been since he had eaten. Having a rabbit metabolism and not eating was still having consequences.

While he was distracted by food Jude was busy retrieving pillows and getting the phone set up. Zaid smiles as he watched all the apps download, heart feeling incredibly touched by the effort. By the time they were settled the downloads were done and Zaid picked the familiar red icon. With food in him he was at least able to type without his hands shaking.

Finding the popular movie tab he pointed out three that could work. One was a popular action film, another was Japanese animation, the last was a cooking show he threw into the options for fun. He let Jude make the final pick and settled in trying to keep his heart from suddenly racing with nerves. This, this was a good feeling though. He could hear Jude’s heart and his scent was close. It was calming, and made it hard to focus on the movie.

He ate one more Scone before his eyes felt heavy again, and he instinctively pushed closer to Jude as he fell asleep. Despite his nervous episodes, it was hard not to feel safe when someone who cared was doing everything in their power to be there. Dark shadows didn’t seem quite as scary knowing Jude was chasing them back.

Action? Oh hell no. Not that he'd say that, but it felt inappropriate at the moment. Japanese animation was more than tempting, especially with subtitles on. Maybe he could pick up a word or a phrase?

"Cooking. The Great Finnish Food-off is exactly my speed right now. I need to learn from the basics up." Plus Ghost loved that kind of stuff. He wasn't entirely unaware of how these kinds of shows went as a result. He'd just never taken an interest himself until now.

Jude shimmied himself into place until he was comfortable holding the phone out where they both could see it, balanced on Zaid's chest. The home cooks were being introduced while Zaid snacked on another scone. That was a good sign, right? Jude leaned his head against the side of Zaid's and was careful to focus on the show. He was quickly forming opinions of the chefs. The disorganized hot mess that had already broken a bowl? Yeah she would probably be out in the first round.

"What do you think of...?" But he realized that Zaid's breathing had evened out. He was like a kid, fighting desperately against sleep and falling for it anyway.

Jude let his temple fall against Zaid's and he let himself worry. There was plenty to bounce between so he hit them all: they were new, he was too into it, Zaid wouldn't stay here forever, Jude couldn't protect him always, and where the heck did his boss go? Jude had long since been an adult, but... now that it was thrust upon him so fully and so suddenly, he wasn't so sure about how it was going this time around...

He shut off the cooking show after the first episode and opened up the hiragana language flash cards he'd downloaded. It was quiet, but he wasn't focusing well, eventually dozing off himself.