FALL

She could still feel it. That kiss on her lips. Standing in front of the glass, looking out upon the tarmac as the silver airplane began to back away from the terminal. She couldn’t see her, not really anyways, but she wanted to believe that she did. She wanted to believe that by looking as close as she could to those tiny windows that ran along the length of the vessel that she would see those mismatched eyes right away. But she didn’t. Truth was that the longer that Agnes stared at the plane, the more it became blurry with the tears that finely coated her eyes.

When she finally blinked, a torrent of liquid salt was shaken free and started to course down her cheeks, meeting at her chin and slipping off in tiny droplets. She had cried so much that by now there was practically a river stained on her pink skin. She was so very tired of crying by this point; especially when this was supposed to be a mutual decision. Didn’t really feel that mutual, she would later admit, but at the time it she was still trying to convince herself it was valid.

With her hand pushed up on the glass, Agnes took a step forward. She didn’t know why. The glass was solid and it wasn’t as if she could just phase through it. Her wings involuntarily fluttered and for the briefest of moments she wondered if it were possible for her to fly after the airplane that was getting ready to take off on the runway. She would keep up for, what, a few feet before the pushback from the engines would knock her out of the sky? It was a silly and desperate thought – but desperate was what she was willing to entertain right now.

Another sniffle. She watched the plane more closely now, however every now and again she could catch her own reflection staring back at her. Eyes beet red, snot hanging just above her upper lip, she must have made quite the sight at the moment. But she could scarcely care what she looked like right now. These were emotions that she had been holding back for months, ever since Rebecca told her about her acceptance at Oxford. Now that the redhead was slowly rolling away on a massive plane, what was the use of holding it in? Who cares what anyone else thought?

In the distance she could see her lover’s…ex-lover’s plan as it started to move into position. A few minutes passed where Agnes had almost willing the engine to fall off or for the doors to pop open and she could catch that flare of red hair. It never did, though. Those long, pregnant minutes eventually ended and at their zenith, the plane once again started to move. Rolling slowly at first, it gradually began to pick up speed, faster and faster, until its design, physics, and the natural order of the world betrayed her and the plane took off without incident.

Her forehead against the glass, Agnes sniffled and shook her head. Was it possible to feel your heart die? It may have sounded melodramatic, but there was no other explanation for the gapping wound that was not sitting dead-center in her chest – like a dark, sucking wound, a void that wouldn’t be filled again. Maybe one day it would but right now? In this instance, it didn’t seem likely.

As more waterworks began to pour out, Agnes covered her mouth to keep from making an utter scene. However she found that something had changed in her environment. She heard the people talking, the generally murmuring of conversations that had nothing to do with her, announcements over hidden speakers, and the sounds of wheeled luggage rolling across the smooth floors. But there was something missing, something she had been hearing but was now absent.

Tip-Tap

She blinked. That was it. It sounded like a keyboard. Confused and, honestly willing to look for any kind of distraction, Agnes turned. Next to her, on the last seat on a row of seats, was a slightly older man, sitting back against his chair, a silver laptop on his legs. He was dressed very simply, in jeans and a some kind of superhero shirt, a black ivy cap sitting on his dark head of hair. He was looking at Agnes, his brow furrowed in sympathy as he watched her.

After a second of the two of them looking upon the other, the man idly scratched his goatee before he reached into a nearby computer bag and pulled some plastic wrapped Kleenex. He offered her one.

”You alright?” he asked compassionately.

A second of sniffling later and Agnes nodded as she reached down and carefully plucked the tissue from his hand. She dabbed her eyes and blew her nose, not caring how it sounded. When the man offered another one to replace the one she had just soiled, she graciously took it in hand.

”I’m okay,” she said shakily. ”I’m…um…I j-just…”

He waited for a second while Agnes tried to find the words she wanted to say. When she didn’t, he carefully piped in. ”Said goodbye to someone?”

She nodded. Her eyes welled up again and Agnes took a steady breath as she wiped away fresh tears. He only continued to smile sympathetically. There was a few more moments that passed as the ex-runaway continued to dab away tears, taking tissues the man offered, and apologizing every time she blew her soppy nose. When she finally seemed to be reaching more coherent thought, she looked back down to find he was still there, though now he was only down to a single tissue in his pack.

”Sorry,” she squeaked. ”I-I used it all.”

He shrugged. ”That’s what they are there for.”

As Agnes gave him a very small smile, she finally decided that she couldn’t stay there forever. She needed to move on. She had things she needed to do, things she needed to prepare for with the post-grad program that Julliard had invited her to. However, before she could offer her last “Thank you” and exited, the man interrupted her.

”I wouldn’t worry so much,” he said kindly. ”If you love them that much, I’m sure you two will eventually find yourself together again.” He said. He turned back to his laptop and resumed typing. ”The universe has a funny way of working out like that…”

Agnes stopped and stared at the older man for a few moments. She didn’t know way but what he had said actually made her feel just a smidge better. It was strange considering how many people had told her that same thing and yet she had received no comfort from them. Why did it matter this time? Maybe it was just that she was willing to believe it.

With a sniffle and a slight nod of her head, followed by a somewhat silent “thank you”, Agnes turned and slowly walked away from the window. It was time to start over again…

WINTER

”All I want for Christmassssss! Isssss…youuuuuuuuu!”

God how she had grown to hate that song. Of course that wasn’t always the truth. Actually it used to be one of her favorite songs, thanks in no small part to the fact that it was attached to one of her favorite memories. It was Christmas Eve a couple of years back when Rebecca had surprised the ex-runaway by sauntering into her bedroom, wearing nothing but a but several modestly placed bows and ribbons. The song blasted via an MyPod dock, blaring this song so loud that she was sure she was going to hear complaints from some of her neighbors, but Rebecca didn’t care.

Agnes remembered being all smiles that night. Giggling and covering her face in embarrassment for her lover as she sauntered, danced, and lip synced to the song with as much passion and energy as the original singer. It had to be one of the stupidest, silliest, and easily the most romantic thing that the brunette had ever experienced. They spent that entire night in bed and most of the Christmas day. They didn’t even bother to open presents until at least noon, especially considering that Agnes had already opened her gift. It was a good memory and one that Agnes held dearly to her…

…at least she used to.

These days it was different. Rebecca hadn’t been gone long and, for the most part, Agnes was weathering the holidays like a trooper. It was extremely hard in the beginning, especially Halloween, but she had survived thanks to friends and fortitude. Now that the Christmas was here, however, she was finding herself up against the ropes. She honestly didn’t know if she was going to be able to survive this time. There was so much attached to the holidays that she could feel her resolves slipping away. If it continued much longer she would find herself curled up in bed, buried under a mountain of lonely blankets for the next two weeks.

Mount Lonesome; that is what she would call her bed once she finally decided that falling apart was a viable option.

However her want to disappear for the next day or twenty had to be put on hold. Tonight was going to be even more difficult than anything she had ever faced before – she was going on a date.

Months had passed since she and Rebecca had officially broken up. While she wasn’t a heaping crying mess anymore, she actually didn’t even consider when she would be ready to date again. Rebecca had taken up such a large portion of her heart that trying to even conceive of being with anyone else just seemed like a massive joke. There was no way she was going to be able to be ready for that – at least that was what she wanted to convince herself of; others weren’t so easily convinced.

Felicia, her former roommate and very best friend from college, had noticed Agnes had been pretty lonely. Able to talk an Eskimo into buying ice, she convinced Agnes to go on a blind date with this great girl that she used to work at a local video store with. Needless to say, Agnes was less than enthused and had outright denied a blind date ever being an option right now. But, as was stated earlier, Felicia was persuasive. Before Agnes knew it, the date had been set and she was, unfortunately, committed.

Agnes grumbled to herself as she stepped into the warm coffee shop. The music from that damn song had reached her ears while she was outside and now it was even louder. Thankfully it seemed to be reaching a crescendo which, hopefully, means it would be switching up fairly soon. Dressed comfortable in jeans, a purple blouse, and a sweater, the young woman sighed as she stood in front of the door, peering around, trying to see if she could find her prospective “date” anywhere in the din of people sitting, talking, laughing, and singing along with the holiday spirit.

She grumbled and silently wished to go deaf before the sounds of someone enter the shop behind her caused her step forward, deeper into the café, and out of their way. The real demeaning thing about this whole experience was the fact that Agnes wasn’t even looking her best. You see, this wasn’t just a blind date – it was an ugly sweater blind date.

With a shake of her head, Agnes glanced down. The sweater she was wearing was atrocious. Red as neon with patches everywhere of various Christmas-related items in bright colors and patterns of strips, dots, and plaid -- she looked like she had been covered in glue and rolled through the tacky Christmas aisle of a craft store. She shook her head as she tugged off one of the candy canes and stepped into the café further.

She shouldn’t have agreed to this. As her sapphire eyes swept over the sea of faces, absolutely no one looked like they were waiting for a blind date – that is until her eyes fell upon her. There, sitting in a corner table, was another young woman around her age. Mocha colored skin and straightened black hair, she chewed her lip as she seemed to be peering out over the crowd too. Honestly she could have just been some random person waiting but as someone obstructing Agnes’ view of her stepped out of the way she spied it, the ugliest sweater she had ever seen.

It was a deep, forest green with thick stripes of red and white on it. Honestly it wouldn’t have looked so bad if not for the images that were sewn on. It was Star Wars themed, with a massive Chewbacca head on the chest, antlers sticking out of his head, mixed with Star Destroyers that were positioned upright to look like silver covered Christmas trees. It was so absolutely terrible that Agnes couldn’t help but snort and crack a smile. However, her action had suddenly earned the other woman’s gaze – Agnes then began to blush. She should back out now. She should totally back out now—

”Agnes?” came a sweet voice of the girl. She stood up and waved Agnes over, gesturing to the seat in front of her. ”You’re Agnes, right? Felicia’s friend?”

The ex-runaway took a steady breath as she stepped over, nodding her head with a soft smile. ”Yeah. T-That’s me. Um…Winnifred…right?”

”Uh-huh!” she nodded bubbly. ”But you can call me Winnie. Most people do. It’s less old, spinster English dutchess.”

Winnie giggled. Agnes cracked a smile. Moving over to the chair, Agnes could feel a voice screaming in the back of her mind to back out. It was better that she leave now. She didn’t want to be rude but as every second passed, she was more and more sure that this was something she just couldn’t do. The woman was pretty, yes, and Agnes was technically single, yes, and time had indeed passed since she and Rebecca broke up, yes, but she still felt a little weird about the whole thing. But, despite the voice that yelled at her to flee, Agnes took a step forward and slid into the seat. She didn’t know why. In the moment she just blamed being tired of standing as the culprit, but later on she would realize that wasn’t the case.

She gave the other woman a warm smile. Reaching over the table, she offered her hand to her. ”It’s nice to meet you…Winnie…”

”You too, Agnes,” she beamed back. ”Felicia didn’t tell me you’d be so pretty. Heh, I’m feeling a little intimidated now.”

Agnes blushed. ”Y-You really don’t have to say that.”

Winnie snorted. ”But it’s Christmas. You have to tell the truth on Christmas, right?”

Agnes smiled, this time a little more genuinely, a little more relaxed. Winnie really was a sweet talker, very beautiful, and while a part of Agnes was still very upset that she was sitting down and talking to someone who wasn’t Rebecca, a growing part of her reminded herself of one thing – it was okay. So with a shake of her head and a glint of a tease in her eye, she looked back to the girl.

”How many times have you used that line this season?”

Winnie shrugged. ”Only two-hundred and fifty-four times,” she smirked. ”All one-hundred and ten percent honest. I swear.”

The two descended into laughter. Winnie was a beacon of joy and sweetness and Agnes herself was finally coming out of her shell. While she had walked into this café with a fair amount of trepidation, it didn’t seem to last, it evaporated like a mist under the warming sun. The clouds of what should have been sadness this holiday season slowly began to slip away and she found herself actually smiling a bit more easily. Of course she was nowhere near completely over her ex-girlfriend, but she was starting on the road to recovery.

Agnes, still smirking, shook her head at her blind date. ”Well, “Call me Rudolph, because you just sleighed me.”

Winnie stared at Agnes, hard for a few seconds, before her smile stretched wide. ”Wow…that…that was just really…really SO bad!” She gave into her giggles again. ”Like…that was really worse than what I said.”

Agnes looked faux-offended. ”Worse! That was so not worse! That was clever!”

The two fell into a fun little argument about who had the worst pick-up line, each of them ordering a cup of hot cocoa with both whipped cream and marshmallows in it. Their conversation began after that, after the descent of laughter, as the two of them spoke, asked questions, both admitting that they hated this Christmas song, and genuinely got to know one another just a little bit better. Whether it would evolve into something more than this, Agnes just couldn’t answer that question in any way, shape, or form. But what she did know was that for the first time in what felt like eons…she was having a good time.

SPRING

In her tiny apartment, in the middle of nowhere (the middle of nowhere being the only place she can afford at the moment), it looked as if some candy devil had struck. All around the apartment, especially in the kitchen and bedroom, there were little more than the sad remains of crumpled foil and open candy boxes. All around the apartment it was a similar scene, the decimation of edibles and treats attributed to the Easter holiday. However, except for the strewn about trash and the heavy scent of sugar in the air, there was no other visual evidence of the sugary confections – no evidence except for what lie in the bedroom.

In a corner of the room, on a small chair that had seen better days, there sat a most irregular sight, well, irregular for those who didn’t know the occupant of this home. Slumped in the chair was a massive, greenish cocoon. It looked hardened with age. The pulsating sheen of its creation was down and now all that was left was this husk that was steadily beginning to wither and slip away. But while this cocoon of evolution would probably be disgusting to behold, it was a necessity for the occupant within.

Every cycle, Agnes was compelled to eat copious amounts of sugar, turning quite ravenous until she had reached a sufficient amount; an amount that would allow her to survive being encapsulated in a hardy, sugary shell. Like any insect, when her body was ready to change, the young woman was had to cocoon herself to allow her body to alter and shift as needed. The process wasn’t pretty and the cocoon was an eyesore, but it was one of those things that Agnes had grown used to.

Only these days it felt very, very strange.

Craaack!

The first plate of the cocoon began to push out enough to finally split. When the seam had been made, letting in a breath of fresh air, it encouraged more and more movement. Pushing harder against the confines from within, the young insect queen grunted and hissed in an primordial way as she shoved hard enough to crack the shell more and more. Finally, with a last push, her hands broke free enough to allow the young woman within to lean forward and take a hoarse gasp of fresh air.

Shell now littering her bedroom floor, Agnes leaned forward, hissing and shrieking still until she began to cough and return her mental capacities to herself. Sucking in breath in harsh gasps, the young woman placed her hands on the arms of her chair and felt herself quiver all over. She needed a second to just sit and regain her composure. Breaking free was almost always the most confusing part of the whole ordeal, leaving her befuddled as to where she was. A few shaky breathes and Agnes finally began to reach over, peeling layers of hardened shell from her that continued to cling to her body by slimy, sugary strands.

Dropping a disgusting plate on the ground, she shook again. The daylight hurt her eyes so she winced, closing them, and meekly called out. ”Uh…god…B-Becca…?” For a second there was silence, met only by her raspy breathing. She was about to call out again when she stopped…Rebecca wasn’t there, was she? They were broken up. That’s right, she had to remember that again.

This wasn’t the first time that Agnes had emerged from her cocoon in such a state. The first time she did, she momentarily freaked out seeing that there was no one there to greet her. However the fact was slowly beginning to drill into her skull that she wasn’t going to find Rebecca waiting for her after emerging. At least she was only confused for a few seconds as opposed to several minutes. Yay for small victories.

Feeling her stomach turn a little bit (a side effect from all her sugar consumption and recently rebirth), Agnes was compelled to finally move to her feet. Standing up, more of the cocoon broke away, falling around her and revealing her supple, nude body. For the most part she looked completely normal, no carapace, no wings, but a glance would show the antennae that started to uncurl from her forehead. They straightened up, pointed outward, and Agnes could instantly smell all the remnants of her latest sugar frenzy. It made her gag.

Shakily she stepped away from her cocoon, refusing to look at it. Her legs wibbled and wobbled, but she managed to keep herself upright until she made it to the bathroom. Leaning against the door for a breath, Agnes slowly straightened up. She had to keep telling herself she was okay and that she needed to get used to doing this on her own again; though she used “again” sparingly since Rebecca had almost always been there for Agnes’ molting cycles. She was still getting used to her life the way it was now but it was slowly coming together.

Climbing into the shower, half-groggy, half-sick, Agnes scrubbed and washed away every sticky bit of the cocoon that refused to leave her body. The hot water did wonders to wake her up, slowly returning her to the competent young woman that she knew she was (or the one that people said she was). By the time her shower had come to an end, Agnes was vastly different than from when she emerged. She was conscious, awake, alert, and absolutely starving. Stepping out of her shower, she wrapped a fluffy pink towel around her body, tied the knot, and stepped back into her bedroom.

For a second she eyed the cocoon fragments. She would have to deal with them but maybe later. For a second it reminded her for her ex. As much as she didn’t want her to, Rebecca was always present to help deal with the fragments. As gross as it was, the redhead managed to always stomach helping her to gather those up and toss them into garbage bags. Really she was too sweet for her – no pun intended. But now, without her, Agnes would have to make time to deal with it on her own and it could by quite tedious. Still…she would do it.

Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, Agnes turned it on as she headed out of her bedroom and towards her little kitchenette. Swiping through missed calls and messages, she stopped when she found one sitting in her inbox that made her smirk a little bit.

Hey gorgeous. Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Things okay? Let me know.

Winnie. Agnes smirked a little and shook her head. Things with Winnie were…interesting. It wasn’t the same as it was with Rebecca. They two of them liked one another but Agnes was still very guarded with her, even though it had been months. They had dated a few times since meeting for that Christmas blind date but they were only just a handful of dates. For the most part it seemed as it things wouldn’t go anywhere. And then, out of the blue, the two of them ran into one another a month ago. Something seemed almost rekindled then.

They started to date again, though it was still rather sparingly. Truth was that Agnes was treating it with kid gloves. Winnie knew that Agnes was a mutant but she never let her see this side of her powers. For some reason it bother Agnes to have Winnie know this. Whether it was a conscious or unconscious thought, this was something that Becca knew and helped with. Agnes knew that Winnie would have dropped everything to help the violinist with this if she would only ask; but she still wasn’t ready for that step.

With shake of her head, Agnes typed out a quick response.

I’m good. Just been crazy busy. Just got out of the shower.

[SEND]

Setting her phone down, Agnes reached into her fridge for her bottle of orange juice. She removed the top and took a long, healthy sip of it. It rolled down her throat satisfyingly and momentarily satisfied any hunger she had, but it wouldn’t last; breakfast needed to be made. As she attempted to contemplate what she wanted, she heard her phone ping again. She reached over and brought up her latest message.

Two days is a LONG shower.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

Well good that you are out. I’m just pulling up outside your building and I have some fresh French toast from that place you like. I’m coming up!

Her eyes bulged. Her gazed drifted back to her bedroom. She cursed to herself. She would have responded to tell her to not come up but she knew it would be too late. Cursing to herself, Agnes reached for a trash bag from under her kitchen sink and rushed back to her bedroom in nothing but her towel. Deep down she still wasn’t ready for Winnie to see this so she would rush like a mad woman to clean at least most of it up before the brunette showed up at her door. Eventually she would tell her about this...eventually…