”I don’t think I would have realized.” Sam said simply, ”Amanda’s mind control only worked because I didn’t want to leave her crafted reality for me. Not until I started to fight her control and I only fought her control because of Slate.” Sam said ignoring the remains of the golem and Bruno who had run off again.

”Slate is a telepath at the mansion before he moved.” Sam added, ”Still a telepath, he just moved.” Sam tried to crack a smile but then hid it when he glanced over to Juliette. She wasn’t smiling, it was hard to tell what she was thinking at the moment.

”It wasn’t real though.” Sam said trying to convince himself more than Juliette. Sam stopped and held up their intertwined hands and then looked directly at her, ”This is though.” he wanted to say something else but stopped himself, ”I…. thank you.” he paused and kissed her hand then started to walk again.

Juliette wasn’t all that surprised by what he told her, actually. He hadn’t wanted to break the reality that he was experiencing. It was what he’d always wanted. A family, friends, a happy life. Why on earth would someone want to leave that?


He’d had what he’d always wanted, and then he’d lost it. And now he was spending his life trying to replace it, Juliette realized. Her, Alex. Would they ever live up to what he’d lost? Would he always have to drink to compensate for their shortcomings?

>>”This is though.”

“Is it?” Juliette’s brow furrowed as she watched him kiss her hand. “Is this something that you can get past, or is your old life always going to take first place? I sort of feel like your real life - me, is what you’re expecting isn’t going to last. At least, you aren’t going to if you keep going on like this.”

She stopped at that. There was more she could say, way more. Like how he wasn’t fooling her with the lack of eating and sleeping, and the lying about not drinking, or the rumours that she heard through the grapevine. None of it was all that great to hear.

She didn’t believe him, then again he didn’t believe himself. As much as he said he wanted to forget everything he knew that there would be a part that was missing like he’d be missing something. Then again maybe it was better than this. The endless drinking the no sleep, the lack of an appetite, was he always like this? Would he ever have a normal life? At this point in his life he had seriously doubted it, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t willing to fight for what he had. Especially with Juliette.

”I don’t want it to exist.” Sam said grumbling wishing and not that it would vanish. ”My old life I mean. The one that wasn’t real.” Sam said thinking about his most recent dream. His kids his dogs and his wife… who wasn’t actually his wife. It was Juliette… it wasn’t a dramatic change but it was a start. The more he thought about it the less he thought or saw Alexandria in his dreams.

”You know…” Sam said thinking a bit about it, ”It was you in my most recent dream… not her.” he said a little more hopeful. Maybe time and the woman he was walking with might eventually make him forget everything. Or he could just find a mutant to do that. There were mutants who could wipe out memories. Though did he really want them all gone? Some of it gave him focus on what he wanted, like a family.

”…okay… I’ll stop drinking as much and… I’ll eat more.” the icemancer said feeling it necessary to say it. ”For us.” his hand gripped hers a little tighter.

Over the trees Sam could feel the heat rising in the sky it was getting close to sunrise. Sam closed his eye for a second and exhaled.

He didn’t want it to exist. Well, that was good to hear, but it also didn’t inspire a whole lot of extra confidence. Juliette rolled in her lips and nodded. It was clear that he was trying; it was just difficult to imagine that it would inspire any real change.

His next statement was… well, Juliette wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about it, really. It meant that he clearly cared about her enough to put her in a position where she was his wife and mother of kids in his dream. That was unnerving, intense, and at the same time, possibly sweet? She wasn’t quite sure. It did freak her out a little bit that he was imagining her dying in his dreams, though.

>>”…okay… I’ll stop drinking as much and… I’ll eat more.”

“Good,” Juliette nodded, her comments finally validated. She wasn’t sure whether it would actually elicit any action from him, but she was at least getting somewhere. “And stop trying to kill yourself in the danger room. Other people, too.”

>>”For us.”

It was a little cliche, but the statement softened Juliette’s mouth a little, making her form the slightest hint of a smile. “You sure you’re ready for that?”

”You weren’t supposed to find out about…” Sam caught himself before he finished saying it and then looked out over the trees and saw a orange glow to the trees. ”maybe I should ask who told you.” Sam smirked, ”I didn’t try to kill anyone by the way.” Sam said not lying. Technically the holograms in the mansion weren’t real and Sam’s beat down on Gawain had been a spar as well as his time with Jorge.

”I’m pretty sure I am.” Sam said with a little smirk, ”You seem to care about me enough to get me to talk about feelings.” Sam said still uncomfortable he was being so open. The word feelings also had a little emphasis on it as if Sam didn’t have them before he had dated Juliette. In the past he usually kept his feelings to himself.

”I don’t want you getting sick of my ****” Sam said finally, ”So I’m gonna try.” he said honestly. What that entailed he wasn’t exactly sure so he thought a broad statement would help.

”Sunrise is coming.” Sam said as he pointed to the trees and the sky above it becoming slightly brighter. ”Want a good view?” Sam asked as he stopped walking and pointed to the top of the mansion and raised his eyebrows.

"Would it matter who told me?" Juliette raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms as she looked at him. She'd heard it from a few people, really. She was starting to believe that it was true what people said; the mansion had eyes everywhere.

There. They were getting somewhere promising. She nodded, uncrossing her arms. His **** was getting a little old. "Good. I'll expect effort from now on, then," she told him. She fully intended to hold him to that promise. 

A view of the sunrise. That sounded... good. Really good. "Yeah, let's go," she agreed. She started to walk forward through the grass, her eyes fixed forward on the roof of the building. She wasn't sure how Sam planned on getting up there, but she planned to fly up once they got closer.

After a second, Juliette glanced at Sam and paused before saying something that had been on her mind for most of the conversation. "Would you... consider talking to someone more qualified about all this?"

Sam’s body said more than his words could when she asked the question. It was like pulling teeth at times talking to Juliette someone he trusted it would be difficult to spill his guts to a stranger unless that man or woman was a bar tender but then it would go against what he had just discussed with her. A raised eyebrow was all he could muster at first then he shrugged. ”Errrr….. I don’t know what that would accomplish but sure?” it was more of a question than a statement.

Sam stepped behind his girlfriend and shot one hand under her shoulder along her back then scooped up her legs. There wasn’t much time for an apology for scooping her without her knowing but the sun was coming out soon and Sam wanted to make sure she got what she wanted a way of saying thanks for trying to help him.

”Does this mean I actually have to talk to Gemma or are we talking a real professional?” Sam asked as ice formed under his feet and shot him upwards almost like a catapult towards the Mansion. Bruno let out a few barks and ran towards the school trying to chase them but once they landed on an ice slide the St. Bernard gave up that notion and decided to go see what was left of the snowman.

The ice slide came quickly once they stared to fall and he skated towards the roof. ”I have been avoiding her for the last year, it will be awkward…” Sam said not wanting to see Gemma. Once they got to the roof Sam leaned forward and set Juliette down before stepping off the slide which turned to snow then fell to the ground softly.

Kicking his legs over the edge and sitting down he put his hands behind him and faced the sky where the sun was slowly becoming more visible. ”Sunrise..” Sam said as he pointed towards it.

Juliette had intended to walk. Had being a key word. Suddenly, there was a hand on her back, and her legs were being swept off of the ground. She made a noise of surprise, but didn't struggle as she found herself in Sam's arms. Instead, she hung on to his neck, trying not to loose her grip as they shot into the sky off of a shoot of ice.

She didn't normally mind heights, but the suddenness of the free falling was incredibly off putting. She closed her eyes and gripped a little more tightly onto him.

"Uh," she considered his question distractedly, far more concerned with the fact that they had just landed on a ice slide, and he was casually skating his way toward the roof. Clearly, her method of travel involved a lot less maneuvering.

They reached the rooftop, and Sam put her down, supposedly deeming that it was alright for her to use her own ability to sit down. She did so, still a little shaken by their journey up to the top of the mansion. She sat down on the edge of the structure with her legs hanging off of the side. Sam sat next to her, and she nudged him. It was playful, but held a bit of a serious note. "I can fly, you know. You didn't have to pick me up."

She leaned back and looked out at the sky took on colours that it never did when the sun was fully in the sky. Sure, she felt the most comfortable when it was giving off the maximum amount of light, but sunrises and sunsets were sights to behold.

"Why don't you let me worry about who you'll speak to," she said after a moment of allowing her eyes to get lost in the colours. She had someone already in mind, but she knew that he was busy, so there was no guarantee that he would have time. If that was the case, then Gemma, who she'd heard was the mansion guidance counsellor, would be a good backup.   

”Oh?” Sam asked trying to remember if she could actually fly. Sam thought about it for a second then shrugged, ”maybe I like picking you up?” Sam said with a little smirk as he too leaned back and watched the sky change colors. ”Noted though.” Sam said nodding his head slightly his feet kicking the air slightly as they dangled. ”I won’t carry you anymore.” Sam said leaning slightly back into Juliette.

What she said next was a little off-putting for Sam how long did she plan him seeing someone? Why didn’t she say something sooner? Sam suddenly started to get lost in his thoughts instead of the view in front of him and the company beside him. Sam knew he was having problems but was it that out of control? Sam sniffed the air and pushed the thoughts from his head like he usually did.

Wishing silently he had a drink to help clear his thoughts he shifted his gaze slightly towards Juliette and then back to the sunrise. ”Where was your favorite sunrise?” Sam asked casually. Trying to distract himself with what he thought was a simple question.

”Yeah, keep those hands to yourself, mister,” Juliette joked, returning the playful lean he’d given her. She was glad that the whole morning hadn’t been tainted by the heavy topics of conversation. One of the things she liked best about Sam was his ability to find a bit of humour in any situation.

>>”Where was your favorite sunrise?”

Juliette rolled her lips in as she thought, and then drew her knees into her chest. She rested her head on the top of her knees and then wrapped an arm around her legs, watching the sunrise with her head turned sideways.

”Stone Mountain Park, Georgia. I went camping with my mom when I was really young, and she let me stay up all night to see the sunset and sunrise. During the night when it was dark we lit and fire and roasted marshmallows,” she reminisced, the hint of a smile forming on her lips.

”What about you?” She inquired, peeling her eyes away from the sky to look at him.

Sam embraced her lean back and was about to put his arm around her but as soon as he made contact he stopped and placed his hand behind himself and leaned back a little more. She wanted him to keep his hands to himself so he did for the time being. When she finished her recount of her favorite sunrise and sunset he smirked. ”You camp? With the dark?” he laughed, ”You’ll have to come with me next time I go.” Sam said making sure to make a note to himself about not taking her camping when he was camping with future X-Men. She didn’t need to see that side of him.

”Got two.” Sam said recounting his childhood and the next best sunrise he had ever seen. ”When I first got a little freedom,” Sam said recounting when he was a child and a mercenary, ”there was a town in the mountains in Colorado where I was from. I went there saw the sunrise. Took a little while because of the mountains but the trees almost glowed as the sun started to peak past the mountains due to the snow.” Sam said smirking recalling the situation fondly but not the rest of the memory.

Sam shifted slightly leaning from one hand to another as he told his second favorite, ”After the #### that happened with.” Sam pointed to his head and made a crazy gesture then continued, ”I kind of ran away, and went about as north as I could. I have a spot out there, surrounded in the ice and snow. The sunrises once and then it was out for like probably a month.” Sam said trying to recall the details was it a month or a month and then it started to disappear randomly throughout the day or night. Time seemed a little different there due to location.

”Lot of sun… if it wasn’t for how cold it was you’d probably love it, I was fine with it. Me being cold blooded and all.” Sam said smirking at his joke as he shifted his gaze from the sly back down to Juliette. Sam raised an eyebrow.

There had been a hand on her back for a brief second, and then Sam pulled it away. Juliette smirked, realizing that he may have taken her sarcasm seriously. To bridge the gap between them, she leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder.

”That sounds nice,” she mused and yawned. She hadn’t been camping for a while, but she did enjoy it, and she liked the idea of going with Sam. ”I tend to bring a large number of lanterns, though, so it’s not really in the dark.” She did wish that the dark wasn’t an issue for her, but she knew full well that it wouldn’t be something that she would get over easily. It had followed her well into her twenties, after all, and it didn’t seem to be getting any better.

Both of the stories that Sam shared carried a bit more weight than Juliette’s had. She didn’t comment on either one, figuring that he’d unpacked enough for one morning. Instead, she shook her head and grinned at his ‘cold blooded’ joke.

”Maybe you’ll have to take me there sometime,” she decided. Sure, she preferred warm places, but she could deal with the cold - especially if there was a lot of sun. That was her one must-have for vacations.

She yawned again. It seemed that her lack of sleep was beginning to catch up with her since the adrenaline from earlier had worn off. In front of them, the pinks and yellows in the sky had faded into a light blue colour, letting them know that morning was officially upon them. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to enjoy the sun shining on her, moving ever so slightly closer to Sam.

When she rested her head on his shoulder he smirked and tilted his slightly into hers and kissed the top of her head. ”I imagine I’d be actually packing a tent along with some other things if we went camping then.” Sam mused as he imagined himself bringing a tent and some cookware. She’d probably have him bring some extra lanterns. The idea made him smirk more.

Shifting his weight back even more as Juliette yawned Sam nodded his head, ”I would love to… you tell me when and where you want to go and we are gone.” Sam’s hand reached up and around Juliette landing on her arm as his thumb gently moved up and down where it landed.

The icemancer remained silent trying his best not to ruin anything by talking more or sharing more, he supposed he did more than enough of that today probably to last the month. Juliette, Sam had no doubt would be able to piece together most of the things Sam was struggling with. If not she would no doubt asking him to share more. For now however Sam leaned into his girlfriend and watched the sun rise, glad she was in his life and glad she was so understanding.