July 5th, 2015

Had a blast with my folks at our 4th party last night. There were friends and neighbors all over the place, getting drunk and having fun. I'm just glad no one caused any problems. It seems like there's always 'one' at any given party, fortunately it seems they missed the invite this time. It was nice to kick back and relax with my folks for a while. Things can get so busy with everyday life that we sometimes forget to take time an appreciate the things that really matter. I just wish I could settle on a career and work towards it, I sure as hell don't plan to be getting Mr. Gains coffee for the next twenty years... the old pervert.

That's something else that really bothers me about him, I catch him looking at me sometimes, when he thinks I don't notice. Not only is he like 30 years older, he's married. I can't really do anything right now because all he's done is look, still gives me the creeps though. On that line of thought it's been a while since I've had a little R&R with a guy, maybe I'll call Greg up in a few days and see if he's still single. Having the occasional friends with benefits is always nice, still wouldn't mind finding Mr. Right though. It sucks not even having a boyfriend, though I guess that's one of the problems with being a dwarf. Fun to screw but not the girl you want to take home to meet mom.

It's not so bad though, does come with advantages. Being this short it's really easy to sneak up on people and move around without being seen. I can sneak quite well when I need to. Still the lack of a personal life does kinda stink. I mean I go out with my friend Gina on the weekends, we go to bars, pick up guys, and have a bit of fun. Although to be honest it gets old after a while. The one night stands were fun when I was younger, but now, being 33 it's becoming all too clear the biological clock is ticking. I don't have a lot of time left if I want to eventually become a mother and start a family.

July 9th, 2015

Today at work was pretty interesting, I've been chatting up one of the lawyers at work and Rodney seems like a really nice guy, doesn't hurt that he's pretty hot too. It's actually funny though, whenever we talk he tries so hard not to make any sort of comment that might offend me. He tries to play it off all cool but he's so obvious. I actually think it's kinda cute, he tries so hard not to treat me different from other people, but in truth, I am. It's just nice to find someone who actually makes an effort to treat me like an average person who isn't different. People would be amazed how much of a difference little things like that can make.

I'm thinking about asking him out to dinner this weekend, but to be honest I'm really nervous. I haven't had a real date in... years. It's not easy finding a guy who's interested in you for who you are rather than a novelty item when you're all of four feet tall. It can be such a pain at times, all I've ever wanted was a normal life. Honestly I'm not even a greedy person, all I want is a good job, a home, and a family. Hell if I could find the right guy making enough money, I'd even play Suzie Homemaker. Despite what a lot of society seems to think today, I don't consider being a stay at home wife being 'chained to a stove', so long as I have the option to go out and get a job if I want to.

You know, the one thing that I am worried about though, if I do have kids one day, will they be like normal, or like me? I know my condition is genetic and can be passed on, I just hope that if I ever do have kids, this is one thing they miss out on. I've managed to come to terms with what I am, but it's not easy living in a world where practically everyone and everything is larger than you. Not to mention all the scorn and ridicule the other kids would heap on someone. I know they treated me like crap in school, or at least tried to.

July 11th, 2015

I had such a wonderful night tonight, I asked Rodney out yesterday and he said yes. Oh my god I was so excited, I got all dressed up, even went out and bought a new outfit just for the occasion. A really nice little red dress with a low cut back, and earlier tonight he took me to a really nice restaurant, I'm talking the type of place I couldn't even begin to afford on my salary. Not only was the food great, Rodney did something I never saw coming, he asked me about me. You wouldn't believe how many guy's I've dated who couldn't stop talking about themselves. He asked me about what I liked, and the conversation was great. We have a lot in common, we both like working with plastic canvas, we both like science fiction, you wouldn't believe how much he knows about Star Trek.

Rodney is such a nerd, and it's totally awesome. Finally someone I can talk to about Klingons, Vulcans, warp theory, the general BS of the show's technobabble, and not be looked at like I'm some sort of weirdo... at least no more than normal in my case. However I think the best part of all is we both believe in traditional values, he even goes to church. We're different denominations, but I think that's something we can work out. Honestly I haven't been this excited in a long time. I think I may have finally found the right guy. If things go well over the next few dates I might even bring him home to meet the folks.

On another note Rodney did put me onto something that I might be able to make a career out of, being a lawyer of all things. I never really thought about it until we started talking about on of his recent cases. There were some things he couldn't talk about because of attorney/client privilege of course. What he did point out though was that I understand law a lot easier than most, I pick things up real quick. To be honest I'd never thought about going to law school, at least not until put me onto the idea. I have to admit it sounds really interesting. Who knows, if I did become a lawyer, we might even end up at opposite tables during a case one day.

September 25th, 2015

I don't even know what to write, what to say, but there's no one for me to talk to, no one I can turn to. Two days after my date with Rodney, Monday afternoon, I was walking out to my car after getting off work. I was minding my own business when this kid walked up and asked me for directions... I think... I can't really remember anymore. When I turned to say something to him, three men from a van grabbed me from behind. I thought they were going to kill me, although now I wish they had. After they grabbed me I was taken somewhere, where I don't know. I was thrown into a metal cell with no windows and barely any light.

I don't remember much after that, but some voice over the intercom kept asking me questions, and whenever I refused to talk, guards would come into the room, three of them, and beat the hell out of me with metal batons. Any time I tried to fight back they only beat me that much harder. Once I punched a guard in the nuts and the other two beat me to the point I couldn't even move. I can't even count the number of bones they broke, and after every beating they would inject me with some green liquid. The injection made me heal a lot faster than normal, I suppose it was so they could just beat me some more. What I do remember it that sometimes the guards would beat the hell out of me for no reason at all, I guess it's how they got their jollies.

Then there were the experiments, they hurt even worse than the beatings. The guards would strip me down, put me in a hospital gown, then I was strapped to a metal examination table. They kept injecting me with all sorts of chemicals and doing blood tests. They kept saying something about a latent mutant gene. The injections made it feel like my insides were on fire, I begged them to stop, but most of the time the doctor's wouldn't respond to anything I said. The few times I got too loud they'd just gag me and keep working. At first I prayed for someone to rescue me, then as the days went on, I began to pray for death. I even tried killing myself once by running head first into the wall as hard as possible. They just injected me with more of that green stuff and moved me to a padded room.

September 29th, 2015

I can't really remember much of what happened to me at that... place. To be honest I don't think I want to. I was only there for month, but I swear it felt like years. I was beaten, tortured, experimented on, but worst of all, those bastards succeeded. I don't know exactly what they did to me but I do remember they said something about me having a latent mutant gene. I know enough about mutants and basic biology to know that means I never should have had powers. The gene was dormant, likely something I would have passed on to my kids, but now... whatever they did to me, those powers are something I have instead.

Most of my memories are little more than one run-on nightmare, but I do remember bits and pieces of the last day I was there. That piece of garbage Dr. Larick said he thought he'd found a way to activate the gene. That's when I was injected with enough chemicals to float a battleship. This didn't feel like being on fire, it felt like someone had put me into a jet's booster engine and turned it on. I could see myself in a mirror nearby and my skin had turned bright red. I was hoping that I would pass out like I sometimes did, but no matter how much pain there was, I was awake for the whole thing. That's when it got really interesting.

That was the first time that orange energy began to crackle over my hands. Larick seemed excited saying that it was working, then his assistant said the gene was rejecting the therapy. That's when they injected me with a large dose of something called GTB09. I don't remember much after that. Larick's assistant seemed to panic over something about the GTB09 being catalyzed, then I blacked out. When I finally came to the whole place was nothing but a crater in ground and everyone was dead. As for me, I was laying in a field, cold, wet, tired, and half naked. I had to steal a tattered lab cot and make a run for it. I don't know if I was responsible for killing those people, but I hope to god that I was, every last one of them deserved it ten times over.

October 4th, 2015

I don't know what to do anymore, I just don't. I lost my job, I'm out of money, I was just served an eviction notice from my landlord, everything is just falling apart. I can't go to work, what if these damned powers of mine decided to pop out for a little game of show and tell. It wouldn't be the first time, sometimes little arcs of orange energy will crackle over my skin and cloths. I can't control it or stop it, and god forbid someone find out what I've become. I've seen how the world treats people like us. I've seen the rallies on television by Friends of Humanity and the Sons of Tomorrow.

Every other night it seems like there's a report on the news about some mutant walking down the street being attacked by mobs of angry people, it's a war zone out there. What would someone like me do, what could I do? It's bad enough being stared at as a dwarf, but a mutant. It's even worse for me, being a dwarf mutant, it's like getting the short end of the sick twice. Is this god's way of trying to making my life a living hell, did I do something to anger the powers that be? What could I have possibly done to deserve something like this?

Even worse is that after getting back I found out my parents has filed a missing persons report, there was even a news conference with my mother begging the kidnappers to let me go. I can't even begin to imagine what they went through, nor could they imagine what I went through. Dad keeps trying to get me to go to counseling, to get me to talk about what happened, but I can't. Everyone thinks I was kidnapped and raped, how could I tell them that I was experimented on and turned into a mutant by a group called Sector Seven. Even worse I can't let my parents find out, they already have a low opinion of mutants and I couldn't bear to lose them, they're all I have left.

October 12th, 2015

I hate my new abilities, I absolutely hate them, it's like a curse from hell itself. The worst part is the only place I have left to go is back to my parent's place. They've always told me the door is open should I need it, the only question is, would that same door still be open if they knew I was a mutant freak. I've probably put on another ten pounds from all the damn ice cream I've been eating, but it seems to be one of the few things to take my mind off all the crap been going through lately. There are days that I really hate my life, and this happens to be one of them. More than anything I wish I would just wake up in bed and realize this was all a bad dream.

Not only can I shoot these weird orange beams out of my eyes and hands, it seems I can do it through my legs and jump really high. Good thing I'm moving out this afternoon, doubt I'll be getting my deposit back after blowing a hole in the floor. I'm just glad there was no one living in the apartment below me. My parents will be coming over to help my haul all my crap out, I suppose I'll toss some water around the hole and say it was water damage. Like I'm really going to just up and say my new freaky mutant powers demolished the floor.

As much as I hate my powers I suppose I should try to learn about them a little at least. They've been acting weird the last few days. The energy crackles over my body a lot more than it did at first but I don't know why, in fact I know practically nothing about them at all. I still hate these power, I hate them. More than anything I wish I could be rid of them and pretend none of this ever happened. This is without a doubt the worst thing that's ever happened to me, these stupid powers have absolutely ruined my life. I never asked for this, I never wanted it, and now because of it I can never have a normal life.

October 21st, 2015

It would seem that things just keep going from bad to worse. I ended up having to hide in my old room for a freakin' week because my powers wouldn't stop playing show and tell. Every time I turn around something's popping and crackling... maybe I should stop turning around so much. If only it were that easy, but that's not the best part, oh no. Last night I decided to sneak out of the house and go for a walk in the woods after my folks turned in for the night. About a half house later all the crackling and popping finally stopped. For a minute I thought it might have finally gone away, if only I were so lucky.

Without warning my powers just seemed to explode, and I mean literally, they took out just about everything within a ten foot radius, just bang, and it was gone. Afterwards it felt like I had run a marathon non-stop, every muscle in my body ached, and to make matters worse half the neighborhood heard it. My folks along with a small armed party showed up to find out what happened. I had to rattle off some lame story about minding my own business when the bang went off, and being as mystified as everyone else. Naturally when the perfectly circular blast crater couldn't be explain it was blamed on a mutant.

The police came out, a report was filed, several statements about some hideous mutant attacking poor innocent little ol' me were given. Once again I had to play stupid and say I only say 'something' move before the bang went off. When I told them it all happened so fast I couldn't really recall anything, the police seemed to buy it. Then they asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital and be checked out, which I declined. The last thing I wanted to do was go into the lion's den as it were. I've been hearing rumors around town that some hospitals have started testing any blood samples for the mutant gene. I don't know if it's true or not, but better safe than sorry.

October 31st, 2015

As I write this entry I feel absolutely shameless eating the bag of candy next to me. Despite what some might think I didn't mug some poor kid for candy, instead I cut eye holes in a bed sheet and went trick or treating myself. Being a dwarf trussed up like a ghost, most people assumed I was just another kid out having fun. I know it was a silly thing for me to do, but after everything that's happened lately I needed to unwind and have a little me time. When I got home my mother was shocked both that I'd cut holes in her favorite sheet, and that I went trick or treating. She scolded me like a kid, the whole time dad was next to her nodding in agreement... and trying not to laugh about it.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do now. My parents haven't pushed me to go out and try to get my life back on track, knowing what I've gone through, but dad still tries to get me to go for counseling. So far I've been able to hold it off by saying I'm not ready to talk about what happened. There is truth in that though, I'm not ready. I know one day this is something that I'll have to deal with, but for now I'm just trying to figure out how to have any sort of life with this new pain in the ass I have to deal with. Gina stopped by a few times trying to get me to go out with her, and God knows I wanted to, just to get out of the house for a while. I've ended up making excuses though because I'm afraid of what will happen if someone finds out about me.

I'm starting to feel like a prisoner in my own room, afraid to even go out the door lest I be discovered. In comparison to this it was a cake walk learning to deal with being a dwarf. Most people look at me a little weird, but then just go on with their lives, but being a mutant, that's a whole other story. Most people reel back in horror. Some run, others hide, and worse still others attack. For no other reason than fear they lash out at innocent people, most of them just trying to live their lives like anyone else. I see it more often than I used to. Honestly I never really cared about mutant one way or the other before, I had too much going on in my life to care.

November 5th, 2015

I never really understood how different my life was until today. I finally drummed up the courage to go outside, even willing to go as far as the local market to pick up some groceries. Mom gave me her debit card and a list of things to get, I'm just glad dad kept my old booster seat and foot pedal adjusters from driving school. Everything went fine at the market, the people there were even extra nice to me because of what happened. It wasn't until I got outside and started loading groceries into the car that things started to go south. It seems as though if it weren't for bad luck I wouldn't have any at all.

Parading down the street like a bunch of idiots was a Friends of Humanity rally. It's so nice to know that narrow minded bigots can spew their hate and bile with such pride. They were carrying signs going on about how mutants are nothing more than a disease than should cleansed from society. Before now I never really paid them any mind, now it took everything I had not to open up on those losers. To be honest the only reason I didn't was because of how many there were. They probably would have killed me before I took down a dozen of them. Most bigoted morons tend to carry guns for when rationally minded people get tired of their crap.

I've always had to deal with stupid people growing up, I only wished closed minds came with closed mouths. I just wish one of those retards would start running off at the mouth by himself, then I would let him have it, and I don't mean a verbal beat down either. I'd give the self-righteous hate monger exactly what he deserved. I know a lot of people say that it wouldn't make me any better than him, but there comes a time when someone just has to stand up for themselves. I was beaten and tortured for a month because I was different, I'll die before I let something like that happen again. Anyone tries to lay a hand on me for being a mutant, they better hope they have god in their corner, otherwise I'll kill'em.

January 3rd 2016,

I suppose it shouldn't come as any great surprise that my parents freaked out upon discovering I was a mutant. My father acting like I was some sort of disgusting freak of nature, while my mother simply locked herself in the bedroom and wouldn't talk to me. Never really imagined I would be sitting at a bus stop writing in my journal, but this is really all I have left. Those bastards at Sector Seven ruined my life and cost my everything. All I have left are a few dollars in my pocket and a bottle of booze. I know drinking isn't the answer to problems, but sometimes it is nice to at least be able to dull things slightly. I hate my life, I really do. It's times like this I'm tempted to just climb a tall building and do a swan dive into the pavement.

Who am I kidding, I may not be a bible thumper or attend church like I used to, but suicide's still a one way ticket to hell. Some days I wish I were never born, some days I wish I would die in my sleep, I really don't see anything ending well for me at all. I have nothing left, nothing at all, except for these damn useless powers I never wanted in the first place. It's bad enough people look at my like a freak for being four feet tall, now I have to deal with this too? What I wouldn't give for the days when my biggest worry was finding a footstool so I could climb into a chair. Hell, I can't even stand to write anymore.