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Posted by mindbomb on Sept 17, 2007 15:20:02 GMT -6
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In my senior year of high school, we are actually studying anjd writting fairy tales. Sweet gig huh? Anyway, I recently wrote a fairy tale, which had specific limitations. It had to include the following things:
A prince
A fairy
A talking animal of some kind
The ocean
A boat
And a trap of somekind
I thought that this was the funniest thiong I have every written, and I really wanted to share it with you guys. Tell me what you think.
Once upon a time, there was a wondrously wonderful kingdom, run by a wondrously wonderful king. Everything and everyone in this kingdom, was perfect and peaceful and happy, which is exactly why they all had to die. Just outside the Kingdoms walls, a disgruntled and angry Dragon lived… in a volcano. The dragon demanded sacrifices from the Kingdom, but they ignored him, and he became further disgruntled. Eventually, the Kingdom became somewhat aware of the threat that the dragon posed, because not only was he a dragon, he also lived in a volcano, and volcanoes as we know, are terrifyingly destructive to the max.
In all his wondrously wonderful wisdom, the king beseeched the fairies of the mysteriously generic magically (MGM) forest for help. Their response was a very effeminate “yess”. They sent one fairy to go and talk with the dragon, because being very feminine people; they believed they could settle the dispute with words.
The fairy that was sent to the volcano was a particularly mischievous fairy, with very bad moral values. When he entered the dragon’s lair, the dragon instantly saw him, and tried to eat him, thinking he was one of the sacrifices that had finally been sent to him as he had demanded. The fairy was too small however to be chewed, and fit easily between his teeth and claws. When the dragon was out of breath from chasing him, he sat and talked with him.
“Why are you such a disgruntled dragon?”
“Because mommy didn’t love me.”
The fairy felt bad for the dragon, and offered to help him.
“They say if a dragon wipes out an entire kingdom and all who live in it, he will become the most powerful dragon of all.”
The dragon was most intrigued by this fact, and started on a plan to destroy the kingdom. However, because the dragon just happened to be obnoxiously loud, the whole kingdom could here his malicious evil laughter from the volcano. The king, and all his wondrously wonderful council, became worried that the dragon might actually go through with something evil this time. So, because there was only enough time to save one person, they placed the kings only baby son and heir to the thrown, on the back of a turtle, who could talk.
“Don’t worry your majesty; I will make sure that your son will be safe.”
But because the turtle was so slow, and it took him so long to finish his sentence, the king and the rest of the kingdom, had already, gone into battle, and died. The turtle shrugged this off, and went on his way. It took the turtle a month to finally explain that his name was Yonna, and to explain to the little prince what had happened, and where they were going. Using a sail made from the prince’s safety blanket, their travels took them a total of 7 years. They eventually came upon a small island, on which a master Jedi hermit.
The prince beseeched the all knowing Jedi, to become his Padawon, so he may exact his revenge on the dragon, which he had heard so much about from the turtle on there journey. The Jedi trained him well, but also tried to tell him revenge leads to the dark side. However, after 3 years of training, the Jedi master said he now had the skills to kill a dragon, and the prince, with his goal reached, quickly dropped his Jedi training and set off back for the kingdom.
Back across the ocean the prince and Yonna went. While they traveled, Yonna talked constantly in his slow voice, while the prince tried to train with his light-saber on Yonna’s back. Of course of this long journey, the prince did not get much done, because the turtle was so annoying. When they finally crossed the vast ocean and landed back on the princes’ rightful kingdom, it had been another 7 years.
The kingdom had by now been totally demolished and overgrown with vines and weeds. However, the prince could not remember the kingdom from his youth, seeing as how he was already 17. Because of this, the prince was having second thoughts about risking his life for such a dump. The turtle reassured him however that because the dragon had not killed everyone in the kingdom, he had not become the most powerful dragon in the world. The dragon didn’t know this however, and thought that he was.
The prince, with restored confidence, set out towards the volcano, leaving his very large turtle companion behind, because he was too slow and too heavy.
Upon reaching the entrance to the dragon’s lair, he found that many of the MGM forest fairies had been made into slaves and performers because they could not be eaten. The prince approached, the now rather fat dragon, who was surrounded with his entourage of fairies.
“Who are you, and how dare who enter the most powerful dragon in the world’s lair!”
The prince responded calmly:
“I’m the main character of this story. You killed my entire family and Kingdom. This is the part where you die poopy pants!”
Before the dragon could do anything, the prince used the force to lift the dragon into the air, and used his light saber to cut open his gut. Being extremely ignorant as he was, the prince was expecting his family and kingdom to fall out of the dragon, maybe a little slimy, but relatively unscathed. This was not the case. Instead, the prince just had copious amounts of blood and bodily fluids dumped on him.
However, his main objective was reached, and the dragon died and extremely painful death caused by a mix of both blood loss, and his own stomach acids eating away his vital organs. His life long quest now reached, and not able to claim he rightful thrown, the prince decided to go with the next best thing, and become king of the fairies.
The End
(Side Note: the princes rule of the fairies indirectly doomed both the dragon, and fairy species to extinction, which is why we will never see them again in our time.)
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