I have a really sad past. I don't think I heard any other word more than demented when I was growing up. I'm only telling my story because Drachir is gone now. He's dead and he was all I really had to live for. He was my only friend-and with good reason; he was the only one who would or could understand me. I'm not writing this to get you to love me, and I don't care if it makes you think I'm weirder than I am, I am just writing this because....because words have hurt me...and I don't want to hurt anymore.

*****************************


It started when I was a young girl. I grew up in Japan in a large mansion that I could almost get lost in. I went no where outside of the mansion without a body guard...but I was rarely let out of the mansion. My father owns Tokyo-panels, a manga company that thrives in its business. I was his prize, his most valued possession and he didn't have to pay for me. But he did pay, he spent ridiculous amounts of money on me to get me anything I wanted.

I asked for dolls.

My expensive bedroom furniture was covered with tiny little girls, made of plastic and porcelin, dressed in satin and silk. They became my friends since I was an only child and had no friends yet. When you are just learning to walk, and just learning to talk adults are excited to let you roam any where you please, and speak to anything you wish.

I spoke to my dolls. I spoke to them all the time. They used to move for me, dance for me, play with me. But all would be still when I wasn't there, or when my mother or father was present.

I had a lonely and busy childhood. I had to take edicate lessons and advanced kindergarten courses. I had home schooling. It would be hard to get children to play with me in the park when I had a 6 foot seven, body builder shadowing me.

The only ray of sunshine in my other wise bleak world was Drachir Talwod. He was my best friend.

Drachir's parents were artists, they were the creators of one of the most popular manga series published by Tokyo-Panel. It was being picked up as an anime right before I met him. I was about five or six....

"Hello." he said clear as day. Our parents were in a meeting and I sat complacently on the sidelines. I wore a navy blue sailor dress and shining patent leather shoes. My hair was cruled to perfection and I held a doll in my hand-not hina, I had not met Hina yet.

I didn't answer him at first.

"Hi, do you want to play?" he continued, a bit louder.

"Shhhh. Its rude to talk when the adults are meeting." I whispered, one pale finger over my bright red lips.

"Its ruder not to answer people when they're speaking to you." he retorted. He was only a bit younger than me and he wore a red tee shirt with jeans and red and white converse. He wasn't raised like I was but his family was well off. Just less strict i supposed. He had a friendly face, filled with smiles and dark brown eyes to match his skin. He wasn't japanese, nor were his parents. They were jamaican-indian american but his father had a passion for manga since astro boy and Akira were released.

I smiled at him, he had a point. "I can't play in here. This is Father's office."

"Then we'll leave. Where is your room?" he asked. I remember I glanced back at my father who sat behind his desk with an air of superiority, just in the way he sat. I already knew I didn't want to be another him...I didn't want to be 'rich'.

I grinned at my new aquainance and tugged him out of the huge oak doors. We quietly made our way down the hall.

"You look like a doll." He said to me. "what is your name?"

"Riruki." I answered, a bit hurt by his comment. "What is yours?"

"Drachir." he answered. "I'm going to call you Doll. Is that okay?"

I wasn't sure what to say but I didn't want to drive away my new friend.
"Alright." I agreed.

"this place is huge!" Drachir exclaimed. I can remember his look of astonishment at the long velvet curtains and wine-colored rugs. The furniture was antique in style and a beautiful dark brown color.

"It has over 45 rooms." I said proudly. "It once belonged to a Master Hung Fitjitsu."

He looked at me blankly. "Is there an arcade?"

"I don't play video games."

His jaw must've dropped to the ground. "You...how..can..no?"

I laughed. "No."

"You have to play! I'll bring one over the next time I'm here."

"Alright." I agreed. we finally came to my room. I opened it and when Drachir saw the huge canope bed he immediately took off his shoes and began to bounce on it.
'this is the best kind of bed for bouncing." he insisted.

"Mother says I shouldn't do that." I said. "Get down now."

He looked at me blankly again and slid down to the floor. "What do you do for fun?"

"I play with my Friends." I said and moved over to a large panel. I pulled it's handle to reveal another room, filled with dolls They say on chairs, on a bed, on the floor. everywhere I could fit them...or that the servants could fit them.

"I don't play with dolls." he said. "They're for girls."

"These are my friends."

"Friends are real people." he said harshly. "You can't call dolls your friends."

"Yes I can. They are real. They speak to me, they play with me, they sing with me..."

Drachir looked at me. "You're so dumb. Dolls can't do that!"

"Get out." I told him, narrowing my eyes. "Get out, we cant be together anymore."

He frowned. I don't want to be with you anyways." he said and left my room.

************************************

I don't think we spoke for a while after that. He was the first boy I had met really. I thought about him alot during the next few weeks and he told me he did the same. But neither one of us spoke to the other. Not for a while.

I remember he came back. Drachir always came back.

I was sitting at my table, having a tea party with select memebers of my best friends club when Drachir was escorted in by my body guard.

"Hi!" he said cheerfully as if we had never fought. I'd love to say I gae him the cold shoulder for judging me until he apologized but I was happy to see him and we embraced. "I brought you videogames." he grinned. He had brougth hand held systems for us to play. They were kiddy games but we went all day long until he got picked up. I was actually getting pretty good. Or so he told me.

When it came to the end of the day and we were wating for his parents to pick him up, he looked at me. "Do you ever come outside?"

"Outside? No. I could get hurt."

"You could fall down the stairs in your house."

"..."

"You should come outside." he said.

"I'm not allowed-"

"Next time I'm here." he said hugging me and running off as his parents drove up.

"-to go outside..."

***************************

I looked forward to his visits from then on. He would always introduce me to something new. I had junk food with him, I played new games with him. for the first time in my life, at the tender age of seven I actually got dirty while playing football. I got a serious scolding from my mother-she told me this wasn't lady like.

My father, however enjoyed my change. He said I was coming out of my shell. He sent me to kendo. I took to it rigorously, passing every class and getting noted by some of the most prominant figures in the martial arts field. I taught Drachir as much as I could. He was taking different classes, determined to come up with his own style of fighting.

"I want to be a surperhero." he would say. It was one of our most favorite past times. To pretend to be superheroes.

Drachir always seemed super to me.

**************************
One day we lay on my bed. Our odies polarized, our head touching. "I'm sorry I was so mean about the doll thing." he said. I was eight and he was just about to turn eight himself. I was a good four months older than him.

"Huh?"

"I can see they mean alot to you. I'm sorry."

"Its alright. as long as you belive me now."

"i don't." he said casually. "But I could've been understanding. You didn't have friends. Of course to you those doll would seem alive.

"they are alive!" I insisted.

"Okay, Rukes." he said. He had stopped calling me doll a few months prior, after seeing an old black and white movie.

I stood up. "Alright look." I said taking him to the room where all my dolls were. "Hello everybody."

to Drachir's amazement, one by one, the dolls raised their heads and arms to wave. "I don't belive it...they have batteries..."

"No batteries, I insisted. they're alive. I can hear them speaking but they don't talk to everyone. Just me." I explained.

Drachir looked at me. "Riruki...I don't believe this."

I smiled. "Its cool. I know."

Drachir shook his head in amazement. I think he was the only one who knew. He still is the only one who knew. I don't know how to explain it, they were all alive to me. I should've stopped talking to them at some point though.

Not everyone was so understanding.

Sometimes they wouldn't shut up. They begged for me to play with them and yelled my name in the middle of the night. It seemed to always happen when I was already in a bad mood. It seemed like they always needed me when it was inconvenient.

So soon, I couldn't sleep at all. I became jittery, pale and depressed. When my mother finally let me dress myself I only wore black. I didn't know much about gothic lolita yet but I would soon find out. My parents became more wrapped up in their work and left me alone more and more. I was never really alone though, not with Drachir.

He had never been able to convince my mother that I should be allowed to fgo outside. So we had to leave when they wre gone. They went on a business trip. I have to admit my parents could be quite snoody to the servants. I was always nice to them and so when I asked to get a ride outside, they let me. Drachir had them drive us to the theaters, to the arcade and to the park. We had such a nice time in the heart of Japan.

It was summer and by then I was going to school in New york, so I could have a normal life. But even though I had been outside in the city, being outside in my home country was a better experience. It was then that I saw the gothic lolita style of dress. I was entranced with the darkness, sparked everyonce in a while with electric blue or blood red. Some still wore all white. I just thought it to be so cool how they women all looked like tiny dolls. I longed to be like them. To be noticed..to be on display.

But I didn't do so for a while. I was only 12 at the time and still had a couple of years to get there. When my parents went on trips though, I went shopping. Shopping for clothes I didn't wear for a while.

************************

Mother was worried about me. She said I wore too much black. I told her I didn't wear enough. She told me I looked pale, I told her she should let me go outside more often. This was me being rebellious. By the time I turned 14 though, my parents had had enough of it. They threw fits about me talking to my dolls almost everyday.

My only solace was Drachir.

"It's fine. If you're comfortable, don't pay any attention to her." he would say. We sat on the lawn one day, as the summer ended. I was about 14, turning 14. I gave him a long box which he opened eagerly. A brand new Katana, a samurai sword, was in the box.
The look on his face was beyond words and he embraced me. "Thank you..but..why?"

"I know how bad you wanted on. Be careful though." I joked.

He smiled. "wow." After a moments thought he said. "I've got something for you too."

"What?" I asked curiously.

He leaned in before I had a chance to stop him and pressed his lips against mine. It was awkward at first I had no clue what he was doing. I relaxed a bit when I realized it was a kiss and kissed back.

When he pulled away I laughed. "Um..."

"Your first kiss should come from someone who loves you." he said. "What better way to start off your first year of high school?" he asked.

I was speechless. We never spoke about that again.
My mother still yelled. She threw out all of my dolls.

But we didn't have time to argue for long. While I was in New york there was a mutant gang attack. Not many people were spared and Drachir and I were separated. My parents came to get me immediately and sent me to a boarding school in japan where I would be safe.

I missed Drachir and cried for him every night. I called his cell phone until it was disconnected. his house phone as well. I emailed him until they started getting sent back and I maled him until my letters were returned. I vowed to find him again.

He was the only one who knew.

My parents sent me to boarding school in Tokyo. The all girls Sakura Academy was the sister school of Excaleber high, the boys high school. We had a mix of students in each school, as each gender took classes in either facility.

I was uncomfortable as soon as I walked through the doors. I was already some months late, it was december. I looked around and saw what I had tried to avoid so hard, snobby rich kids. The girls all wore the uniform green skirt, tie, hat and vest over a white shirt. The boys wore blue pants, white shirts and blue ties. Shoes were whatever you wished and while most wore dress shoes, many jocks wore sneakers, I wore my designer shoes. I got stares immediately. From the guys who thought I was pretty, to the girls who thought I might be cool and from the teachers who thought I was going to be really bright.

I ruined all their expectations.

Immediately after arrival I was shipped into my room. I was the roomate of one of the most popular girls in the school, her name was Melanie and she was absolutely beautiful. She had long blonde hair, the perfect sking tone and steely blue eyes. She had the body of a model with long legs and graceful hands. She was nice too.

"Hi!" she said to me as I entered. My body guard brought my bags in and began upacking them for me. Nothing she had not seen before.

"Konichiwa." I said bowing. "I am Dashikura Riruki."

"I know who you are." She grinned. "Your name is on the door. My name is Nonaka Melanie Ari. Just call me Melanie."

"And you can call me Riruki, Melanie"

My father argued with letting me keep my body guard and one maid. I didn't know how to cook or wash my own clothes. I would be helpless. But they had all those services at the school, it would cost a pretty penny but we could afford it. So my parents left me there to defend for myself.

I remember my first night there. Melanie was out with friends, something I would never have there. I stood in the window, letting the cold air shock me and keep me awake yet in a trance. I was tired. I wanted to be home and not there. I was too sheltered, too sensitive, too precious to be on my own. How could they expect me to survive.

That was my attitude for the first day. Thats why everything wnet wrong.

They were stupid for thinking I couldn't hear their whispers. They were so obvious when I walked by.

"She's not going to want a dope like you, jake. let me talk to her."

"look at those shoes, she's got good taste."

"she looks athletic, lets see if she'll join the cheerleading team"

"No way. She's perfect with english, she's probably really smart and will join the debate team."

"I heard them all. But this was all before I spoke. This was before I ruined it all.

I sat in homeroom, in the back row. I should have sat in the middle. Being in front makes you look like a kiss ass, being in back makes you look like like a bad kid, but the middle is normal, perfect. I should've sat in the middle.

"Hey, I'm Yumiko." a boy with dirty blonde hair said, holding out his hand to me.

"Dashikura Riruki." I said shking it.

"You don't have to be so formal. Its all chill here. We just look really snoody."

"I wasn't being formal. That is how I was raised to talk."

Yumiko looked at me for a minute then smiled awkwardly. "Oh. Alright."

He sat back in his chair for a minute and then leaned in to talk to me. "You have someone to show you aroudn the school yet?" he smiled. He had a beautiful smile.

"No.."

"Yes!" Melanie said sliding a chair in between us. It messed up the organization of the room, but the person next to her moved their seat and fixed it. "I'm showing her aorund. She's my roomate. She doesn't need you." She said.

Yumiko grinned and sat back. "Sorry, Queen. I'll leave it be."
He didn't though. He winked at me every time I made eye contact and must've mistook my blushing for interest. Yes he was cute; he was one of the cutest kids in the school, but I had no experience with boys and I was much too shy.

"Ignore him. He's so arrogant." Melanie warned. "Don't get involved."

"I don't want to." I said half seriously. Yes..I was curious.

But curiosity can kill.
********************************

"So you take kendo?" Yumiko asked me after school that day. He saw me sign up for the school's team.

"Yes. I do."

"Are you any good? I'm in that calss too."

I blushed. "Yes. I have been taking it since i was seven. I was called a prodigy."

"Wow. I'm in the presence of serious royalty." he joked, bowing. "Don't be a queenlike Melanie." he warned.

"What do you mean?"

"She's so spoiled and she's good at everything. There isn't anything she can do. So we call her the queen. Everyone listens to her."

"She seems nice." I said.

"Makes matters worse." he laughed. "We can't hate her, but we hate to love her."

I smiled and he smiled back.

"So we should spar sometimes right?

"No."

"Why not?"

"I was raised not to fight boys. I souldn't be speaking to you right now."

"What? Are you serious."
"Quite."

Yumiko shrugged. "Alright. I don't want to wear out my welcome, I'llsee you later?"

"Yes."

And he did see me later. We took to the habit of hanging out after classes and after school. Whenever Melanie wasn't around. I was usually back in my room long before her. She went to parties and hung out, something Iwas too afraid to do.

Yumiko talked about me to everyone and soon everyone knew what my life at home was like. The only thing I hadn't told anyone as about Drachir...and my dolls. I had none of them with me but I had asked them to be mailed. Just a few, so I would feel at home.

For once I was talking to people, but I still didn't like it.

Things started going bad as I began hanging out with Yumiko more and more. No one ever saw us holdingh ands or kissing-because we never did any of that-but rumors soon spread about our relationship. It got to the point where Yumiko would see me in the halls and stop his business to ask me how I was and what I was about to do.

I didn't mind it that much. I noticed the spiteful looks I got from other females who liked Yumiko, and there were many. I don't know what Yumiko told people but soon everyone knoew my past life and my aristocratic condition. People assumed I was more conceited than they just because I was one of the three richest students in the school. Yumiko still spoke to me and so did Melanie.

Somehow, Yumiko convinced me to get in his car. I believe he promised to take me to get ice cream in the heart of the city. From what I had told him he knew that I loved seeing new things and being out in the open crowds. He drove me there, we got ice cream, looked at an arcade where I beat him badly at several videogames, and headed back to campus.

At some point during out travels he pulled into a dead end street. I looked around.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"no, everything is just right." he smiled. Being alone while he was smiling made me nervous. I was extrememly uncomfortable and moved back towards the door.

"Can we go back now?" I asked.

"No, lets have a little fun." He was ravenous in his endeavors and began to pull at my shirt and lift my skirt. His hands were everywhere at once and the heat of his body was overwhelming. I could smell his thought-for there was only one- and as soon as he pried my legs open and pressed his body against mine I felt the hardness of his member and panicked.

I don't know how I did it but all i remember is a flash of red light and he went flying back into the driver's side door. he was scraming and grabbing his head. "It burns! What the hell did you do?"

"I ..I.." I ran. I left the car and took off running back to campus.

I was paranoid since. I felt like evryone knew what had happened, and everyone was wathching me and talking about me. I felt their eyes even more now, like white hot lasers pircing my skin. they knew i was scared. I didn't want to be scared though. So I decided to take the offensive.

I changed my shoes to heay J-rock boots. I wore fishnets and creepy jewelry. Nothing in the dress code said I couldn't. I wore makeup to make my skin paler than it was until I was deathly white-like a ghost. I wanted to be left alone now.

By everyone except for Melanie.

She hung around me often. She looked at me when she thought I wasn't and came back to the room alot earlier than she used to. Now that Yumiko was out of the way she seemed a bit happier, a bit more comfortable.

"Why don't you come out with us one night?" she asked me one night.

"I don't want to."

"Why not? You'll make friends and everyone can see how nice you are."

"I don't want to make friends and I don't care what people think!" I snapped.

Her pretty face became instantly sad. I bit my lip. "I'm sorry, Melanie. I didn't mean to.."

"No. Its fine." she said and left. I felt bad for the next few days as the tension between us grew. I really liked her and felt I had to apologize.

One day she came to the room and flowers were everywhere. Ones of all different kinds and colors, perfumming the air.

"wow.." I heard her say. I was hiding in the bathroom, prepared to jump out with a large teddy bear. It sounds odd but Melanie had been looking out for me since she discovered I was her roomate, since before she knew anything about me. She was such a good person...easy to fall in love with.

She did the strangest thing. She began picking up the petals and rubbing them against her face. They were soft, I knew. Slowly she unbuttoned her blouse. I looekd aay quickly but couldn't help but turn back as her skirt slipped down to her ankles and her bra unhooked. By the time she was fully naked I was entranced. Stuck in my place to veiw the beautiful spectre in front of me. Her body seemed to glow in the sunlight, she was the most alive thing I had ever seen. She rolled in the flower petals, bathed in them until she fell asleep. I watched her for some time, confused about the feelings that welled up inside of me. I knew something was wrong...I shouldn't feel this way for a girl.

I curled up in the corner and thought myself to sleep.

"aaa" Melanie's light scream awakened me. I was still curled in the bathroom corner clutching the teddy bear that was meant for her. I allowed her to keep her dignity long enough to cover with a towel.

"What are you doing in here?"

"I was going to give you this." I said simply holding the bear.

Her look of shock softened as she took the bear. "did you send the flowers too?"

"Yes I meant to jump out and surprise you but.."

She listened and when i trailed off she flushed a deep red. "You saw me..."

"I didn't mean to..I was.."

"Oh my god. I'm so embarassed!" She dropped the teddy bear and ran to her bed. She looked aaround and the tears welled up in her eyes. "Oh my god..I... you can't tell anyone.."

Passion seized me at the moment and I grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her square on the lips. this was a different kiss than the one I had with Drachir. This one made my lips tingle, my ears burn and sent chills through my body. She relaxed after a while, permitting me to slip my tongue into her mouth before she realized what was happening. I pulled back when she tensed up.

"You are beautiful." I said before she could speak. she continued to blush and stare at her feet.

"Please don't tell anyone what you saw." she said,

"I do not talk to anyone here. I have no one to tell." I pointed out. "But I promise I shall not." I said and she managed a weak smile. I don't know if she was straight, or if she was just shocked that I wasn't but she rushed to the bathroom to shower.

she kept the teddy bear though.

The sexual tension could be felt constantly whenever we were in a room together. Soon the other students began to realize I wasn't straight.

I myself wasn't completely sure yet-I didn't understand what was wrong with me. Or if there was something wrong at all. I kind of wanted it to stop..when I realized it wasn't normal.

*********************

I remember I heard distinct giggles right before someone grabbed my rear.

"Did you like that, shame!?" A voice behind me said. I turned to face a girl with a piggish nose and bright red hair. She wasn't japanese, she was one of the american exchange students who had made her place by being a bully. She was one of the girls who originally wanted to be my friend. But she had like yumiko like many of the girls. Even knowing that I hadn't been interested it didn't make the girls feel less threatened-it made them angry that I thought I was 'too good' for their precious Yu-Yu.

"Get away from me." I spat backing up. I wasn't a fighter, I didn't want to fight her.

"What's the matter, getting off?" she said this time reaching out and grabbing my breasts. The other girls in the locker room watched her, some were laughing, some were shocked but most were just curious and wanting a fight.

"Leave me the hell alone!" I shouted.

"Whoa..the little princess has avoice." she grinned. She removed her towel and stood before me in her underwear. "So do you want to touch me, lezzy?" she asked mockingly.

"No. I wouldn't touch you if you paid me." I glared. I was a bright red now, embarrased and angry. "Get away from me."

"Not until you give me a kiss." she said. "Like the one you gave to-"

I couldn't believe she knew. I couldn't believe Melanie had told someone. But I didn't care.

"Who did she kiss?" voices in the background asked. Not everyone knew, Maybe Melanie didn't want everyone to know. I wouldn't let the redhead do this.

"AHH!" she grabbed her head in pain. She swooned and almost hit the floor. "What the hell did you do?" she asked.

"I didn't touch you." I said, even though I was confused as well I played it off, grinning. I stepped towards her. "You can't prove anything. Now you keep your mouth shut or I will hurt you worse."

Her eyes widened as she grabbed her towel and scrambled away.

I dressed in silence, knowing they were all watching me, and left the locker room.

And it had just the opposite effect that I expected. The news spread of my orientation and my toughness against Rachel, as I soon found out was her name, and many of the girls became curious enough to flirt with me as did it attract more attention from the males.

I was right back where I didn't want to be. Talking to people.

As if in answer to my prayers I recived a package. I thought it would be my dolls from home but it wasn't..it was only one doll and A note from my mother.

"You're all grown up now, Riruki. You must put away childish things, we've waited long enough." I pulled the doll out of the bag. It was pretty but I didn't quite recognize it from my collection. The name on the tag said Isabelle.

I cried when I realized Mother had probably thrown away all my dolls...killed all my friends.

(you shouldn't be so sensitive) a voice said. I looked around and realized I was alone. I looked down at the doll, which hopped from my arms and truned to face me.

"Excuse me?" I said. I didn't know the voice was in my head. It was like how all the dolls used to talk to tme when I wasyounger except now I understood why others couldn't hear them

They were psychic.

(Don't be such a wuss) the doll said. (You're a grown-ass girl. You shouldn't play with dolls)

"Then why shouldn't I just throw you away?" I asked smartly.

(Because if you kill, me..you'll die too.) it threatened.

"What? that's ridiculous." I exclaimed as the dolls walked away. It slammed itself into the dresser and I immediately felt the pressure of the dresser hit the entire front of my body. "OW!" I cried, doubling over.

(See? You hurt me kid, I'll hurt you.)

"What do you want with me?" I asked in fear.

(Nothing. You take care of me, I'll take care of you. I know you have a gift.)

"A gift?"

(that thing you do with your mind. Don't deny it, I can read your thoughts, too.)

"You know how to make it go away?"

(No...I know how to make it stronger)

I had no idea how scared I should've been.

I carried the doll with me everywhere afterwards. I was too afriad it would get destroyed by some evil student and I would die.

Saying that outloud makes me laugh but it's true. No one really said anything about it to me but a few people began carrying dolls with them as well.

Teens can be stupid sometime.

My obsession still lied with Melanie. She seemed to grow more and more beautiful everyday. I dated other girls, most were just stupid giggling bags of emptiness, others could hold aconversation. I was only using them to get Melanie to notice me and it worked. I noticed her envy when seeing me with another girl and her distress when I constantly turned down offers to hang out with her and her friends. She knew what I wanted and all I had to do was wait for her to give it up.


I couldn't talk to Isabelle in my mind, I always had to answer her outloud. Which made me realize she couldn't read my thoughts actually. I named her Oni-Hina which means Demon Doll in japanese. She hated that name but I had begun to realize that she wasn't a doll but a spirit. They had all benn sprits who needed somewhere to go.

I know people caught me a couple of times talking to the doll and when they badgered me I would shoot them with my blasts. They were weak back then. But strong enough to keep people away. They called me a bad Omen. They had no idea.

Soon, by the time Valentine's day came around Melanie had called i official with one of the boys she was dating. This didn't break my heart at all. She didn't want to be with him-she wanted to be with me. Somewhere along the line she had begun to worry about what people thought about her. But at night when we were alone in our room..when she'd come in from a party she'd be noisy so that she could wake me. I would stir and open my eyes and pretend not to look.

And then Melanie would undress for me. She knew I was watching, I knew she wanted me to watch. In the morning, the rolls would switch and she would pretend to not notice as I got dressed. Yes, she was just scared. I waited a while though. Good things come to those who wait.

********************

"They're calling you crazy, you know." Melanie said to me one night as she got dressed for a date. I was typing on my laptop watching her through the mirror on my desk.

"So?"

"I can't belive you don't care. Why do you speak to that doll anyways?"

"Because it speaks to me." I said evenly. I could never raise my voice at her, I probably would have let her beat me to a pulp before I raised a hand to her.

"Are you kidding?" she asked coming to where I stood. She was only in her underwear at the moment and picked the doll up. "You know its not real, right?" she asked holding it up and shking it..which caused her body to shake as well.

"Yes.." I said biting my bottom lip. She was teasing me. I knew this much. She didn't really care about the doll.

"Well then why do you think it talks to you."

"The spirit inside of it speaks to me." I said.

She laughed. "You're so unique, Riruki. I like it though. Makes you edgy." she admitted. she put the doll back where it was.

(she's hot. Good taste, Ruki) Hina joked.

"But personally," Melanie continued. "I prefer real girls with real spirits." she took my hand from the keyboard but I didn't look at her. She wanted to play I'd play too. She placed my hand on her chest. "Real girl's have real hearts." she spoke in a breathy voice.

I wrapped my free hand around her waist and pulled her into my lap, our faces inches apart. "I have to admit, the doll doesn't fulfill all my needs." We kissed passionately-I could tell she had been waiting and waiting for this. I wheeled us on my computer chair over to my bed and laid her down. I allowed her to undress me until we were both naked.

"I.." she began. "I've never..."

"with a girl? I know.."

"No..ever." she said with a deep breath. that made me a little nervous. I had managed to get my first time over and done with while waiting for her to come to her decision.

"It's alright." I said kissing her softly on the forehead. "If you want to wait.."

"No...Just..go slow..." Her blue eyes begged me to be gentle yet show no mercy.

We spent the night together.

Melanie had stood her boyfriend up that night and was painfully intorduced to the prospect the next morning before her math class.

It was brought to my understanding later as she cried on my bed, that her boyfriend had dragged her into the male bathroom and raped her. He threatened that if she decided to leave him..he would kill her.

I was honored that she had come to me but had no clue what to do. She didn't want to go to a counselor she didn't want to talk to anyone but Riruki.

(You'll have to hurt him) Hina told her after Melanie fell asleep.

"What? I can't hurt him."

(Not with your bare hands, no) Hina said devilsihly.

Still...I wasn't scared.

*************************
Melanie and I went everywhere together after that. I really liked her, she really liked me. But mostly it was because if she was with me people wouldn't bother her.

They put me in counseling finally for the doll situation. I told them the truth, despite the headaches Hina would send me for doing it. I hoped they would contact a Shaman to free me from Hina's grasp but it just made them more worried that I was paranoid or schitzophrenic.

Melanie's protection didn't last for long, and so neither did my stay at the school. One after noon, I suppose Ryoku had gotten upset with being teased about having a fear of me. He decided to assert his man hood. He cornered me and Melanie in the quad. We were eating lunch, feeding eachother fruit.

"If this isn't the cutest thing." he spat.

"What do you want, Ryoku?"
"I'm not here for you, Mel. I'm here for Riruki."

"Sorry, I don't swing that way." I spat back. the gathering crowd snickered.

"Listen Dike, I don't appreciate the way things have turned out. See, people don't take girls from me. and you can't just waltz in here and act any way you want cuz you're richer than most of us. Thigs work a certain way and you're not fitting the mold."

"What's your point?" I asked. I could see Yumiko in the background.

"well, I'm saying that we might have to teach you a lesson." he smiled eerily. I knew that if he wanted to he could rape me in the middle of that crowd and no one would say a word.

I stood up. Hina was in Melanie's lap. She was in my head, she would lend me power. I was well aware that my powers were activated by my anger and fear and I needed to unleash all of those to get a good attack.

Ryoku pulled out a switch blade. "Just cooperate, okay Riruki? we don't want to make this harder than it has to be."

"Ryoku, stop. this isn't worth it."

"Shut up Bitch." he spat. "Its not about you anymore. I don't want you anymore. I'm making a point."

He lunged at me and I dove out of the way, into the arms of another boy who tried to pin me to the ground. I was too strong and spun away but Yumiko and he grabbed me and pushed me to the floor. All I could hear were Melanie's screams as I was pressed against the wet dew. My eyes turned up to the sun and I couldn't see. I don't remember much after that. My head was throbbing and a flash of red filled my vision. Red, red and more red until ...no one was standing.

I woke up in the infirmary. I was in a room by myself, sectioned off from the 12 people who had been victims to my blasts.

the doctor was speaking to my parents.

"She just refuses to let the doll go. We've tried everything but she is convinced she will die. We suggest you send her to a children's psych ward...."

I didn't hear much after that. It was final. My parents wouldn't fight to convince anyone I was sane. They wanted a normal girl and I had given them anything but.

My luggage was packed by that night and I was escorted from the buidling on a rainy sunday night.

As I approached the car I heard a yell. "Ruki! Ruki!" a voice cried. For a minute-in all my trauma I wanted to turn around and face Drachir but that didn't happen. Melanie wrapped her arms around my neck. I grabbed her back.

"Riruki, please. Just get rid of the doll. Don't leave." her eyes were fileld with tears, her hair matted to her face. God she was beautiful.

"It's not that easy, Melanie." I sighed. "I can't..."

"Yes you can! It's in your head, Ruki, you control it not the other way around."

I looked at her sadly. I couldn't explain it.

"Please.." she begged collapsing in tears. I strokeed her hair and held her close for what seemed like forever before my guard cleared his throat. I whispered into Melanie's ear "This is not the end. You'll see me again." I promised and slipped away. She stood there and watched me climb into the car. Between my two guards I looked out the back window of the car. Melanie stood in the middle of the road waving.

I waved back slowly and didn't stop until she was out of sight. I hadn't shed a tear yet.

*****************

I never went back to the school. I was shipped straight to the ward which was a brand new world and a brand new adventure. Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime...i'd rather you hear it from me then listen to the things they say.