It was going to be another crap day. Rupert wasn’t even out of bed, and already his chest felt heavy. He took in a deep breath, expecting that damn wheeze at the edge of his breathing. Instead, he got a jiggle.

...Rupert opened his eyes. There was a white ceiling above his head. No spidercracks where the paint was aging: just white. New white. The sheets were cotton and simple. ...This wasn’t his bed. Rupert sat up.

The sheet fell down. Rupert—

And down.

—...what?

And down.

...Woah. Heh—woah. It wasn’t the worst sight to wake up to in the morning. The angle, though, was all wrong. Rupert raised his arm. His thin, athletic arm. The hand paused under his incredulous stare. But there was something it had to do. It continued the approach—

Something warm and tattooed like a cheap jail-cell hooker rolled over, one arm sleepily invading this woman’s lap. A shiver of revulsion went up her back. Rupert knew that pansy arm. He knew it far, far better than he’d ever wanted to. Damn apology pie. Damn dream walking Lee. Damn it—had he even woken up from that?

There weren’t enough censors in the world for the expletives that slashed from Rupert’s womanly lips as he lifted up the pillow, and began to mercilessly beat back the invasive body of Tarin Brooks.

Tyranny opened and closed her mouth a few times, habitually that was the first thing she did in the morning. Wake up her mouth next she turned slightly to get to the warmth next to her….hmmm she didn’t think she brought anybody home last night. Her hand hit a nice little stomach and moved down a bit to the mystery occupants lap. God She didn’t even open up her eyes, and she was reaching for crotch… she needed to find some morals. Ah well Morals weren’t always fun.

And then there was female cursing and an angry pillow. Wow, what was she drinking last night; she should have really remembered she brought home a woman. it was such a rare thing and such a different experience…she would have more then likely stayed sober for that... Geez what is with the cursing and the hitting, which almost hurt!

“Calm down woman!” ….the hell was wrong with her voice. Her eyes popped open. “ erhmmm?” She looked down and joined in the cursing! Not that it was poorly proportioned, but, Why the hell did she have Man parts? This had better not be a part of her crazy no power power…Ugh. The hot naked woman hit her right in the face with a pillow still cursing. He? *****… Tarin’s arm reached up and pushed her out of the bed.

“ I said to calm down you crazy Ho! Geez I am having a bit of a situation here.”

He glanced around and his eyes widened Where the hell was he and were those ghosts? Oh, she was on drugs…bad, bad drugs. “ Oh, never mind, I am obviously just on some sort of trip. A terrible trip.” She whispered in her man voice. She plopped back down on the bed. Examining her fine arm tattoos and slipping quickly into denial.

>> “ I said to calm down you crazy Ho! Geez I am having a bit of a situation here.”

Great. In this version of the dream, Rupert got breasts, and Tarin got a bad gansta impression.

“What,” he/she snapped, in a voice that was starting to sound naggingly familiar. “Are you going to ‘beat my ho ass’, you sissy litt—”

One clear violation of personal space later, and the uncomfortable after-feeling of a man’s hand on her shoulder, Rupert was sprawled on the ground. And she hadn’t brought down the sheet with her.

“Well screw you, too,” she snapped from the floor. Poor word choice.

She rolled over—things swung where they shouldn’t, and didn’t where they should—and climbed back to her feet.

>> “ Oh, never mind, I am obviously just on some sort of trip. A terrible trip.”

She sneered down at the naked man, darting out a hand to pull that sheet up higher on him, thank you. Rupert didn’t need to see that. It wasn’t even impressive; not by comparison.

“You and me both, Medium.” She said. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m stealing your pants.” There were clothes strewn about the floor. If this was a dream, then Rupert sure as hell didn’t need to stay naked in Tarin’s bedroom. Not that it was even Tarin’s bedroom: he didn’t recognize this place. Further proof that it was a dream.

He claimed the boxers, shorts, and shirt from the floor, leaving all sorts of feminine accessories behind for Tarin to put on.

If this was a dream, ten bucks said the scotch was in the cabinet over the sink.

~~“Well screw you, too,”

“actually it looks like we just did…” sass flowed from her mouth like water from a fountain.

~~“You and me both, Medium.”

“Medium?” that was odd. Considering what she was seeing. She reached down and pinched her arm. She did it again for good measure. “ouch.”


~~“Now if you don’t mind, I’m stealing your pants.”

He Propped up on his elbows admiring the woman that he was being very mean to… “actually you’d look a lot better in the clothes that are yours…those boots over, in fact are extra nice.” She glanced around nervously at the ghosts floating around and twitch as she noted the whispers that were coming through as demands for all sorts of crazy stuff.

“Besides, if you keep taking my stuff, what am I supposed to wear?” she was starting to get a bit sulky, she felt like pouting. And now her only company was taking his clothes and trying to leave.

“ Please don’t leave me alone….I’m scared and I am a man, I shouldn’t be a man. And I don’t even know where I am.” She jutted her lip out trying for pity with everything she had. Tears weren’t actually all that hard to get to come to her Eyes. In fact the were quickly streaming down her face…..his face.

She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest and man did she have some neat work done on her.. there was soooo much glorious ink.

She sniffled as she rubbed at her…at his eyes. This was never going to work on a woman, especially with a mans body.

...Because what Rupert really needed to see was Tarin’s face screwed up for water works. It was like watching a chihuahua wet itself through its face.

>> “ Please don’t leave me alone….I’m scared and I am a man, I shouldn’t be a man.”

“Agreed,” she snapped. “But your mother’s womb begged to differ, so here we are.”

>> “And I don’t even know where I am.”

“An apartment.” The obvious: it was satisfying to state. Rupert spared another sneer towards the Medium, and opened the bedroom door.

A puppy stared up at her from outside, its eyes large. Right. Because this wasn’t surreal enough. It wasn’t Tarin’s: Tarin didn’t have a dog. Rupert had tried to kill the man enough times to know. She stared down at it for a moment. Then, with deliberate silence, she picked it up by the scruff of its neck, and carried it over to the bed.

Drop.

“Have a puppy. Want some scotch?” There had better be scotch.

~~“Agreed,”

~~“An apartment.”

“You are such a total ass. My mother, had a beautiful little baby girl and named her Tyranny, she most certainly did not have a tattooed man. So no here we aren’t. ” why was this happening? Someone must have slipped her some sort of drug at that rally yesterday. She got so many good pictures of potential mutants…at that infernal rally.

“Have a puppy. Want some scotch?”

“A puppy…and scotch. Maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe you are just mostly an Ass.”

He pulled up the sheet up around his body to cover his unmentionables. How did they situate them selves with all this stuff flopping around? She pet the wiggly little thing and let out a little sigh and the tears stopped flowing as the little thing was joyous from his attention. Scotch would still make the situation more tolerable.

“So, what is your name? You know so I don’t just have to call you by your profession of being an Ass.” What was with this chick…it was almost like she was a man. She threw on the man clothes…leaving him all sorts of things that she would have worn with out argument. If she had been in her body.

Three times an ass called, three times ignored by an ass become. This was the asshole’s rule. Rupert left Tarin’s sack of naked man flesh on the bed with the puppy, and went out the bedroom door.

He returned with two cups of scotch, and the bottle. “No liquor,” she said, “until you put some damn clothes on. What? Are those boots too good for... for...”

With a flash of numbing horror, Rupert recognized those boots. She set down the cups on a table—out of the naked man’s reach—and went towards the other door in the bedroom. If her suspicion was right, it was a bathroom. She took the bottle with.

Inside, a tile floor greeted her bare feet. A light switch stuck out of the wall before her questing fingers. With a flash of illumination like a B-rated SciFi, the darkness ripped away. Rupert stared out at Lee’s face.

The mirror watched as she took a swig straight from the bottle, and started to cough. The hell—? No wonder Lee didn’t drink this stuff. It tasted terrible to her.

Lee’s body. Naked Tarin. Surreal puppy. No scotch. This wasn’t a dream. It was a nightmare. He came out of the bedroom, and gave a belated answer.

“Rupert. Rupert ****ing Kelley. You?” Yeah, he’d missed that Tarin-flesh had given his woman-name already. It was easy to miss. Who the hell names their kid ‘Tyranny’, after all?

Tyranny raised a single finger to the woman’s demand of no clothes, no drink while still playfully petting the puppy. And once she left the room she hoped up and downed the first cup in what was a record for her. It burned and she hoped that this body couldn’t hold liquor like her veteran drinking liver. She thought she just might stay naked so long as she didn’t threaten to leave.

She picked up the puppy as it whined from the edge of the bed and cradled it in his arms. She set the cup down on the table and then picked up the second and downed it as well. She inadvertently gave the potty mouthed Rupert a image that he would probably never be able to fully get out of his mind.

“ Tyranny Jones, And what kind of middle name is ****ing?”

After the admission of his man name, it clicked….she might not be on drugs…she might just be seeing this stuff for real. and if all these ghosts were real…She set the puppy down on the floor and bolted for the bathroom. The sound of vomiting echoed in the toilet… the alcohol and whatever the man ate the night before right down to the nasty stomach acid when he just couldn’t stop… She coughed and cleared his throat. Stumbled to the sink and threw open the mouth wash and poured it into her mouth tilting his head back and looking up, she shook vigorously and the spit it out.

“Please do not tell me this is real? Please.”why was she asking the ass to lie to her, of course he was going to say it was real it was the most asinine thing he could do.

She walked into the bedroom and headed to the closet. Throwing on a plain white top on first and then found some jeans after that she searched for boxers. She got dressed now that this wasn’t just being naked man in a drug induced state.

“oh my god oh my god oh my god.” Why were the spirits crowding around her?

she dropped to her knees looking terrified as if just for the second or third time realizing another implication.

“There are ghosts every where.” she stated in a very quiet very afraid voice.

>> “ Tyranny Jones, And what kind of middle name is ****ing?”

“The best ****ing kind,” Rupert deadpanned, pointedly keeping the scotch bottle with him. Naked Tarin had requisitioned one cup already: he wasn’t getting the bottle. Pansy couldn’t hold his liquor, anyway.

Point in check: Rupert had to dodge quickly to get out of the way of the man’s racing bulk. The sounds of noisy vomiting came through the bathroom door. With a disgusted sneer, Rupert pulled the door closed.

The puppy looked up at him from the floor, its head tilted in concern at the one-man toilet symphonic orchestra. Rupert looked down at it. Then she picked up the other cup of scotch, and set it down in front of the puppy’s paws. The puppy took a tentative sniff, and a lick.

“Good boy,” Rupert said, with a pat on its head.

>> “Please do not tell me this is real? Please.”

“This,” Rupert said helpfully, from her spot next to the pup, “is a dream.”

>> “oh my god oh my god oh my god. There are ghosts every where.”

A stare. Rupert set the bottle down slowly, after topping the puppy’s cup off. A stare, and a slow golf clap for the Medium. Even in dreams, the man was a genius.

Tyranny looked at the scumbag in the sexy woman suit, she just stared how much of an ass did you have to be, to be worse then realizing that ghosts were real and in your face? "Rupert ****ing Kelly, when this all gets sorted out, one day a sweet looking girl is going to walk up to you and kick your miserable butt."

Tarin's body stood up and walked toward the phone…if this was real all these creepy ghosts this crazy woman named Rupert and her own craziness…who was in her body? She knew her phone number and it isn’t like anyone would think twice about a guy calling her.

She looked into the wallet on the bed stand and saw her name. Tarin, good name to go with some nice tattoos and a nice body. She bet Rupert was ugly when he wasn’t a woman. If the inside was any token of the outside. He walked toward the phone and got ready to grab it and dial.

When the phone began to ring. Should she answer it? what did she have to loose. Her mind? Ha!


"hello? Tyr.. *checked the wallet*..Tarin speaking."

~~"Oh Tarin! Thank god! I don't know what's going on..." A voice came out over the line like gravel.

" I don't either. Who is this?"

~~"You don't? What do you mean who's this? It's...What's going on there?" the man replied.

~~ Who was this guy to speak to him…to speak to Tarin that way?"No I don't. listen Pal. I am having a hell of a day. I woke up in bed with a Penis for one.

~~”Pal? What? Who the hell is this?”

“You called me, Who is this?!” She hated it when people called her and didn’t even provide a name demanding to know who you were.

~~"Well, you're obviously not my husband, or you'd know who this is. So I'll ask again, who the hell is this?" and it clicked, the hottie in there was going through what she was going to bed nice pretty and so wonderfully feminine and waking up a man.

“oh,I bet I look a lot like you’re husband” she paused looking at the caller Id, if she was calling from rupperts, this was his number, oh she was going to go to his house and kicks his butt. She jotted down the the number. “Is this Rupert ****ing Kelley?”

"Well you sure s- Wh-" A pause. "I'm coming over, tell the doorman to let me up."

"ok, I think I know how to get your husband here too..if what I think is going on is going on. how do I get the door man?"

She wrote down another number.

"What do you think is going on?"

"Well if you are in that Ass's body and that ass is in your body, Your gorgeous by the way. then maybe Your husband is in mine."

"If I'm...How the hell is Rupert in my body? Never mind, I'll be there in five minutes."

"k."

Figures that the women would figure out to call home before the guy’s did.

She hung up and dialed the doorman’s number. “ This is Tarin in…” he walked to the front door and read off the number. “I have a friend coming over, let him in. Thanks.” She hung up before he had to describe him.

She then picked up the phone and began to dial again, this time her own number. As she did She walked over and took the alcohol away from the dog.

The legs hadn't been enough. Yes, she had definitely needed to shave the legs, there was no doubt about that, but when she had finished with the legs, Lee was not done. Standing there in just boxers, even without looking in the mirror, she couldn't stand it. The chest was shaved, too.

Once that was done, Lee went back to the phone, dialled the apartment. And actually got an answer this time.

By the time she hung up, Lee was pacing back and forth across Rupert's living room. That had been Tarin's voice on the phone, but it definitely had not been him.

Then Lee looked down at the now smooth legs and chest. Well, maybe she wasn't crazy, but it was her in this body. Despite what Rupert's reaction to what she had just done might be.

And then Lee was moving again, into the bedroom and opening the closet. Dark pants and a dark shirt were pulled out and thrown on; Lee knew what generally tended to happen when Rupert and Lee got together, though unfortunately she was the one in Rupert's body this time At least if the clothing were dark, any possible bloodstains in the future wouldn't be as noticeable.

Even as she was thinking that, doing up the last buttons, Lee wondered why she was even worrying about it. It was Rupert's clothing, not hers, who cared if it got ruined?

It was just so strange, though. Lee was so used to wearing skirts and tank tops or tshirts, and now was wearing pants and a dress shirt. Even if she didn't actually tuck the shirt in, it was still a long sleeved shirt.

Oh well, she needed to figure this out, and that meant getting back to the apartment. Heading to the dresser, Lee was about to pull out the same drawer that Tarin kept his socks in, except that the drawers were different, here. Great, so much for being fast. So Lee just grabbed a drawer at random and pulled it open.

Only to find boxers in that one. She closed it quickly. On her third attempt, she finally found socks, grabbed a pair and put them on feet that were so much larger than they should have been. Then Lee went searching for Rupert's wallet; she knew where the man lived, though vaguely, from the one time she had been there before, but she knew that it was definitely more than a 5 minute walk. But of course Rupert would be alright with paying for her cab ride, Lee was sure.

There it was, on the dresser!

Lee was back out of the bedroom, pushing the wallet into his back pocket after checking to make sure there was cash inside, as she made her her way to the door. Dress shoes on feet, Lee grabbed the keys she had found earlier by the door and left.

Twelve minutes after she had hung up the phone, Lee was getting out of a cab in front of the building she and Tarin had an apartment in. “I'm here to see Tarin in 625,” Lee said, her voice still sounding frighteningly like Rupert's. Though not as violent, if that was even a real way to describe a voice.

Pretty much without even pausing, assuming that the person with Tarin's voice she had talked to had called down to the front desk, Lee kept moving. She assumed that the person had since she didn't hear the guy behind the desk calling for her to stop or anything like that.

Up the elevator Lee went, then down the hall. Apparently, Rupert was not in anywhere close to good shape, because by the time she had made it even that far, at least at the pace she was setting, her breath was coming in wheezes.

Pausing for just a couple seconds outside the door, trying to get her breath back, Lee reached out his hand and turned the door knob. Then grumbled under her breath as she pushed the door open; they'd left it unlocked. Sure, there was someone down at the front desk 24 hours a day, but they'd still left the door to her apartment unlocked.

“So,” Lee called in Rupert's voice as she made her way further into the apartment. “Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?”

>> “So, does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?”

“Ha!” Rupert snorted, her body draped comfortably over the couch in Tarin’s baggy clothes. The scotch bottle was on the table close by, and a half-full cup was held between two artistically dangling fingers in her pretty little hand. “You even sound like me. That’s adorable, Lee. Try to throw in a few more expletives, though.”

Rupert demonstrated classily with Lee’s mouth, and washed it back with a hearty swig of scotch. Lee’s body had a hangover in its future. It couldn’t hold its liquor worth crap: she already felt like she was slowing down. Her arms were sluggish as she reached for a refill. Could you even get a hangover in a dream?

****. As long as Tarin didn’t come charging in with boxers again, the hangover was fine by her.

Tyrannay Dialed her number and hoped that...well that she would pick up at her apartment. She listened to the phone ring and waited as it did so. The first call was a bust so she waited a few more minutes and tried again and again. She finally did what she didn't want to. She called the land line to the house and tried to get one of the girl's." Daniella answered with a peppy "Hello?" and Tyranny had to resist her usual peppy hello return, She did what any guy would do. "Hi can I speak with Tyr? Tell her it is Tarin, she'll know who, and she will want to talk to me doll. so don't take "go away" for an answer."

"Um, Ok." came the nervous laughing response. "Here give me a number and she'll call you back when she is ready."

That would get him the message...they always told her when the guys started saying crazy stuff.

>> “So, does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?”

Tyranny held up a finger toward Lee.


Tyr was afraid of that, she had her roommates trained to well and too many guys called demanding calls or talk. so they took numbers and left notes...ugh. "Just tell her Tarin called and said call home and that her wife is angry. Thanks Bye."

~~“You even sound like me. That’s adorable, Lee. Try to throw in a few more expletives, though.”

"what is happening? Well, apparently you are in some Ass's body and an Ass is in yours. I apparently am possessing your mans body, and he is off in my body not answering my cell phone." she then added as an after thought. "He gave your dog alcohol."

She then leaned up against the wall and looked down at the phone not being able to wait for the man to call back. If water didn't boil faster while you watched did it also mean that people called back slower if you watched the phone?

As Lee walked into the living room, into her living room, she saw herself sprawled out on the couch, wearing Tarin's much too big clothing,, a glass dangling from her fingers, and a bottle of Scotch sitting on the table nearby.

And then Lee heard the slurred voice. Drunk! It wasn't even noon yet!

Next thing Lee knew, she heard Tarin's voice behind her, and she turned. yes, it was Tarin's voice, yes it was Tarin's body, but Lee could tell that it wasn't Tarin. For one, Lee was sure that Tarin would know Rupert, not just simply call him "some Ass", even if that's what the man was, and even if he was in her body.

Then Lee heard what else the person in Tarin's body had said, and her eyes shot back to...her... "You gave Axel alcohol?" Lee asked, striding toward the sprawled form of herself on the couch. "What the hell are you thinking, Rupert? What, you don't drink enough of our money when the Scotch is offered to you, you've got to drink it all other times, too? And feed it to my dog?" Stopping once she came up beside Rupert...herself...how the hell was she supposed to think straight when things were messed up like this. She grabbed the bottle of Scotch by the neck, looking directly at the drunk on the couch. "If you don't start behaving, I'll break this bottle over your head too. Understand?"

((ooc: Tell me if I need to edit anything, Leepert!))

>> "what is happening? Well, apparently you are in some Ass's body and an Ass is in yours.”

Rupert toasted with a grin. Guilty as charged. A heartily gulp of a salute followed.

>> "He gave your dog alcohol."

>> "You gave Axel alcohol?"

Her eyes flashed to Tarinny. “Tattletale.”

>> "What the hell are you thinking, Rupert? What, you don't drink enough of our money when the Scotch is offered to you, you've got to drink it all other times, too? And feed it to my dog?"

“No, no,” Rupert psshed. “You don’t feed a dog scotch, Lee. Scotch is a liquid. You drink a dog scotch.” The ‘what are you, stupid?’ was benevolently implied in her tone. She tipped her cup up, for some of that dog drinking. Empty. Again? Seriously, this teacup must have a hole in it. She tilted it up above her head, searching for it.

Right up until that man-Lee’s arm invaded her personal space. And the personal space of her hydration system.

Lee was talking, but all Rupert was seeing was a scotch bottle out of reach. “Oh no you didn’t,” she protested, wobbling her way to her feet. An unsteady lunge later found her pressed into her own chest, her hands dragging the shirt collar down so that her face rested on baby-smooth skin. She’d been aiming for the scotch bottle. An odd tingling surge seemed to follow, from where her hands touched his skin, but Rupert’s mind was still processing something else.

The... baby-smooth...? Rupert pulled the shirt collar further out, her head craning incredulously to look down into the cave she formed. Her gaze came up again. Smoldering.

“You shaved me?” Rupert hissed, her grey eyes narrowing. She pulled herself upright, and wound back an arm. The slap that followed seemed satisfyingly fast.

“B****,” she spat.