Each day that Lee had been in Toronto had gotten slightly easier. Not that Life was easy, or that it was anything she could call normal, but life had at least settled into a routine that she hadn't even been able to picture while she had been at Robert's apartment. She had even found a job within that first week in the city. By far not her best or most favourite job, just a part time deal in small little corner store, but at least it was something that would give her some money, so she wouldn't have to take it from Rachel.

And yes, Lee did have that damn visa card that Tarin had put in the pocket of his Social Distortion jacket he had slipped in her bag, but Lee didn't want to use that either unless she absolutely had to.

Rachel had also been pushing Lee quite a bit to get out there, to do things. And she had been pushing her to actually open up and talk, though Lee was still very hesitant about that.

Lee couldn't completely shut Rachel out, though, and had really had no reason to say no when Rachel asked if she wanted to go out for dinner that night. Rachel had had to work, Lee hadn't (though that didn't necessarily mean Lee would be at home at all that day), so the plan was that they'd just meet at the restaurant at 7:30 that night.

As the time approached, Lee walked up to the restaurant wearing a pair of simple heels since her boots were now long gone, fishnets under her skirt, and a black and white halter shirt.

Walking into the restaurant, Lee glanced around and saw Rachel already there, sitting at a small table. Walking over, Lee sat across from her sister. "Hi," she said. 'Hi' was good, his was better than simply sitting down and not saying anything.

OOC - Again...I'm moonlighting as Lee's younger sister...picture Katie Holmes instead of my beautiful real self.

Lee was finally going to come out of the house. She'd been so fixated on everything besides moving on with her life in the time she'd been there. Despite the fact that Lee had very quickly gotten a job after moving in and started paying rent, something Rachael hadn't expected at all...not that fast. The thing that Lee wasn't doing was anything that involved actually starting over...Lee was just functioning...and barely that. More than anything this confirmed Rachael's inkling that that she hadn't really wanted to leave Tarin. Not that Lee would talk about it though...hopefully a couple of drinks would loosen her lips a little. Rachael had a plan.

It was almost exactly 7:30 when Lee walked into the restaurant and only said "hi". Not exactly the warm welcome Rachael had been hoping for. Just as Lee sat down, the waitress arrived with the first round of drinks which were set in front of the two. It wasn't a fancy place so it was just two bottles of MGD. "I hope you don't mind...I ordered for you." Rachael smiled and settled into her seat across from her sister.

"How's work been for you this week? We've been on kind of opposite schedules so I haven't gotten to talk to you much."

Rachel didn't look too happy when she sat down and gave a simple one word greeting. But then again, Rachel rarely looked happy when Lee kept what she said short and to the point.

And then a waitress came to the table carrying a couple beers. Somehow, looking at how Rachel was smiling at her, Lee didn't think Rachel cared at all about what Lee thought about her ordering the drinks. "I thought we were just here for dinner," Lee said slowly, eyeing the drink in front of her. At least Rachel had good taste in beer.

But Rachel didn't stop there. After the waitress set the beer down on the table and walked away, Rachel went on and asked how Lee's week had been, and how she'd been doing at work. Not that it was really all that surprising they seemed to be on opposite schedules. Lee preferred to work later in the day, especially since she was working shorter shifts. Even though she was up when Rachel left for work, Lee wasn't normally all that coherent for a few hours after that.

Lee shrugged. "It's work," she responded. "At least it's something. It's not exactly exciting sitting behind a counter in a corner store, you know. " Taking a small sip of the beer Rachel had decided she was drinking, Lee looked down at the menu in front of her. If they were there for dinner, she should probably figure out what she was going to have. Rachel had probably made her decision already, since she had had time to order the beer, after all.

"How about you?" Lee asked. It was much better listening to Rachel go on than to have to actually talk herself. Much safer. "How's work going?"

Ahhhh she was drinking the beer...that was a start. Good thing she'd already tipped the waitress to keep a full beer in front of her sister the whole time they were in the restaurant. Rachael almost had to hide her smile as she thought about it and watched Lee drink.

She was responding about work too, that was a good place to start. Now all Rachael had to do was keep the conversation going long enough to get Lee drunk enough to spill the beans about what happened between her and Tarin. Rachael had exhausted almost all her other avenues of investigation...Robert was pleased as punch about the turn of events...but Robert was douchebag sometimes...and Rachael couldn't do anything about that...so the only option left was to turn to Lee.

Rachael shrugged when Lee asked her what she was doing at work, "Same old same old...you know how it is. Are you adjusting well enough to life back here. I know that some things can be way different...and you were in New York of all places."

Rachael was watching Lee as she spoke and she could see her sister eyeballing the menu already....they'd only been there five minutes. "Don't worry about picking something out too quick Lee...I already ordered us an appetizer." Rachael moved until she forced eye contact with her sister..."For the love of god...just relax a little and have a nice dinner and a couple of drinks."

Like always, Rachael seemed far too interested, far too eager for information. For anything, really. She seemed to be looking far too intently across the table, was asking far too many questions, at least for Lee's liking, though at this point in time, Lee didn't like any questions.

Again, Lee shrugged when Rachael asked how she was adjusting to life here in Toronto. "It's really not all that much different," she said. "and yeah, I was in New York. Big deal. Honestly it didn't seem to be all that much different from here. Just bigger."

Yes, it was a lie, a blatant, outright lie. Even without Tarin, before she had even met him, New York had been very different for Lee. It had been home when no where else had ever felt like that. But Lee didn't need to tell Rachael that, since that had all changed the day she had been captured. From that day, New York had changed for her, had changed a few times.

Apparently the beer wasn't the end of Rachael's initiative that night, since she had also ordered an appetizer for them as well.

"I am relaxed," Lee said, a little confused. Well, at least she was compared to the last couple months, what with the worry and paranoia over the Registration Act, then the stress and horror of the camp, followed by dealing with what had happened with Tarin. "I don't need dinner and drinks to relax more."

Shaking her head, Lee still leaned back in her chair a bit more and took another sip of her beer. "So what did you order?"

Rachael just gave Lee a look when she tried to act like New York was no big deal. Both of them knew that was an under exaggeration if not an outright falsehood. Besides, Rachael had seen Lee in New York, and she could tell she was happy...well as happy as Lee could probably get considering the little Eeyore cloud she drug around with her most of the time. She'd looked happy with Tarin though...and he'd looked head over heels for her. It just didn't make any sense.

And now Lee was trying to convince Rachael that she was relaxed. Again, she got a look from Rachael. This was pretty much unbelievable...was Lee really in that much denial? Did she honestly think that everything was okay? That she was moving on with her life like someone who was confident in their decision?

What had she ordered, "Queso, Guacamole, and chips. The waiter is going to get our orders when he brings our next drinks." she said simply and smiled as a server set the aforementioned goodies on the table.

"Now, why don't you tell me how you're really doing? I know you're not exceptionally comfortable talking about it Lee...but if you're really bound and determined to move on with your life you're going to have to find a way to let everything else go. Who better to spill to than your sister? I want to know...and I want to help."

Lee returned Rachael's look with a calm one of her own. Really, New York being New York hadn't been that big of a deal to her. She hadn't even been to the Empire State Building until Tarin had taken her there, and she'd already been in the city for a year at that point. It had been the people, few as they had been, not the city that had been important to her, but that had changed by the time she had arrived at Robert's apartment.

And though she didn't say anything further, about New York or about being relaxed, Lee saw another look directed in her direction. "Honestly, Rach, I am relaxed," Lee told her sister, her tone sure, but not overly hard, though the pain and anger crept in with every word she spoke. "I'm not paranoid, looking over my shoulder every five seconds to see if someone's about to catch me, to realize what I am. I'm not being electrocuted every time I'm someone touches me. And I'm not having to fight with Robert every hour and listen to his 'I-told-you-so's. So I am relaxed, more so than I've been able to be in a long time."

Lee took a long sip of beer once she finished speaking. She hadn't talked about any of that, save Robert, with Rachel before this, but despite how hard it was it was still easier than actually talking about Tarin and what had happened there.

Setting the bottle back on the table, Lee saw that it was over half empty already. Where the hell had it all gone to? She hadn't drank that much that fast, had she? Lee kept her eyes glued to the beer, almost as if watching to see if it was emptying itself, when Rachael opened her mouth to inform her what she had ordered. Mexican. Great.

Lee honestly hadn't paid attention when Rachael said the name of the restaurant, or that fact probably would have clicked in, maybe she would have been able to change where they went. But it was too late now, the food was already being set down on the table. She was just going to have to deal with it. Deal with the fact that the only times she could remember eating Mexican before this were the times when Tarin had cooked for her. Lee knew that she had eaten Mexican many times before that, but she couldn't remember any of those now; they had become insignificant. Because of their two month anniversary, Mexican food had been irrevocably linked in Lee's mind with Tarin's Texan accent and that damn cowboy hat of his.

But then Rachael went on again, pressing her for how she was doing, how she was feeling, how well she was moving on. "There's nothing you can do to help," Lee told Rachael simply. "What's happened has happened. There's no way to change it, or to fix it.

"But you want me to 'spill'?" Lee asked as she reached for her beer, ignoring the food on the table. She'd need a drink for this. Lee had never even been able to share all these details with Tarin before, not once, but right now it seemed like it'd be easier than actually talking about Tarin and what had happened at the camps. "May as well start at the beginning, then. It'd be easier than jumping around.

"I was on the streets for a year and a half after I first got to Toronto," Lee told Rachael softly. "Sixteen and 17 years old, with no money or shelter. And when I did manage to find a bed somewhere, I was so angry and scared all the time, and didn't really have much control, so it really didn't take long for people to realize what I was doing to them. And then I couldn't go back."

Lee took a deep breath and closed her eyes before continuing. Rachael wanted to hear, wanted her to spill. She'd never been able to really share this, not in eight years, so she was going to, to try and get Rachael off her back.

"It took some time to find a safe place to sleep, and some of the guys...aren't exactly nice." Lee's eyes were still closed, in her mind she was seeing that first attack. She took a slightly shaky breath before she continued in a whisper. "I can still see his face over me as he's holding me on the ground at knife point..."

Why the hell had she thought sharing this was better than talking about Tarin? There was a reason she hadn't talked about it, at all, since the night it had happened, a reason she had kept the thoughts and emotions locked away. Rachael might think that things needed to be talked about, but Lee knew that some things just needed to be locked up and the key thrown away. It was by doing that that had allowed Lee to survive, at least emotionally, this long.

And she had just not only unlocked those thoughts just now, but thrown the door wide open to let them out. Without even thinking about it, Lee downed what was left of her beer.

She was relaxed...this was relaxed? It really was pretty amazing to Rachael how Lee could say that she was relaxed, but things were different for everyone. She'd grabbed at chip and was getting ready to use it to gesture at Lee when she started talking about how she'd been electrocuted every time someone touched her.

The chip had stopped halfway to her mouth, dripping guacamole onto the table. Rachael didn't even notice, "They did what?" She said, eyes wide and slightly shocked, she'd heard about some things happening to people like Lee in New York, "Wow, I had no idea...but I guess that's not something they'd openly print in the papers." Rachael glared for a moment at nobody in particular, "Robert didn't mention all of that...and I could kick him in the balls for the I-told-you-so's. He's a pig at the best of times and always has been. I mean...he's been a fine big brother...but honestly, he's so high and mighty sometimes."

Well...she was drinking....Rachael couldn't help but think as she watched her sister pretty much down the beer that was in front of her. And she was talking...telling the story from the beginning...and what a story it was. The hand that was holding the chip opened seemingly of its own accord and the gaucamole covered chip plopped onto the table. Rachael had known that Lee had left...that there had been something "wrong" with her...but Rachael had never actually stopped to think what that had meant.

Suddenly she felt guilty about the childhood that she'd had...that she'd been given by her parents...the sweet sixteen party and the family vacations. She'd known for a few years now what a terrible thing her parents had done to her older sister, but that knowledge solidified into outright disgust at Lee's story.

She'd asked for it though and through the shock at the things Lee had faced those first few years she blinked it away and grabbed a chip and chewed and swallowed it quickly. "Wow, our parents really were bastards to you...weren't they?" she said simply and shook her head slowly, "I wish I could go back...now...I really didn't know what they were doing Lee...you know that right? You didn't spend all those years thinking I was just okay with it, did you?" It was about Lee, all of this was, but Rachael had to know.

Rachael followed Lee's drinking habits...apparently this story was going to take more alcohol. The waitress appeared on cue and took the empty beer bottles away, dropping off two more bottles. They weren't ready to order yet, so the young woman left and Rachael ate a few more chips and took another gulp of beer before sitting back and regarding her sister across the table.

"Alright. So. Toronto sucked in so many ways that I kind of feel like we should burn the city down out of spite. How did you end up in New York?"

Rachael looked completely shocked that she had been electrocuted by the collar she had been forced to wear in the camp. "I think the news termed it 'a slight shock to remind us not to use our powers', but it was what it was, and it was not pleasant by any means. I'm just lucky they actually adjusted the collar for my powers, or I wouldn't be here now."

By the time that Rachael had dropped the chip on the table, Lee's eyes were closed so she didn't notice it. Closed eyes didn't stop her from hearing Rachael's words, and despite what she had been talking about, a small smile tugged at one corner of Lee's mouth. "At least someone else realizes that," she said, opening her eyes to look across the table. "Robert agrees that they went too far, but I think at least part of him agrees with what they did."

But then Rachael went on to ask if she had spent all these years angry at her as well, thinking that Rachael had been on their parents' side with how they treated her. Lee thought for a couple of moments, and realized that, with very few exceptions, Lee really hadn't thought about Rachael at all over the years. Or their younger brother Doug, for that matter. Lee hadn't been close to Rachael and Doug like she had with Robert, she hadn't really hung out with them, they had been too young, so it hadn't hurt as much when they hadn't been around after her powers were discovered.

"No, Rach, I didn't think that," Lee told her sister. She left out the fact that she hadn't really thought of her at all. Rachael didn't need to know that fact, after all.

Then Rachael was asking about New York again. Nope, not going there. Too painful, Lee decided. But then again, she did still have six years of time she could discuss between her last little story and when she had finally gotten to New York. And she wanted relationship details. Yeah, that would work.

"Well, Toronto wasn't completely horrid the entire time I was here," Lee pointed out with a slight shrug. "After I finally managed to find myself a job and apartment, I met someone who didn't seem to care about my powers." As she spoke, Lee picked up the now full beer sitting in front of her, not exactly clicking in that it was a new one, and sipped on it.

"Ryan was a musician," Lee continued softly, getting lost in her memories again. At least these ones weren't as bad as the last ones had been. "A damn good one. Taught me to play guitar. I should probably take that back to his mother since I'm in town again..." Another sip of beer. Lee's eyes had dropped down to the table; she was simply talking now, not exactly to Rachael.

"I'm very all or nothing with relationships, it seems," Lee went on. As if that wasn't an understatement; Lee thought she had been in love with Ryan after just a couple months (though she had later realized it hadn't been real, true love), and had fallen completely in love with Tarin after less than a month. "After Ryan cheated on me, then left cause he couldn't actually deal with the limits my powers caused, I went to Windsor. Took five years to be able to listen to music again after that." Yeah, very all or nothing, Lee realized. And she had only really started listening to music again because of Tarin, because he had gotten her over the pain Ryan had caused her.

Five years, and it hadn't even been real. Lee's stomach tightened and twisted as she sat staring at the table in front of her. "I'm never going to get over him..." she whispered in realization. Not when Ryan had taken five years, not when Tarin had been so much more.

It was only then, when the beer she was currently holding and drinking, was half full, that Lee fully realized that it was a new beer, that she had already finished her first one. Her eyes snapped up to Rachael's. "You know I can't afford this much yet," she said, gesturing with the bottle that was still in her hand. "Cut it out with the drinks, k?" Yay for blatant subject changes.

"Wow...I mean seriously...wow. Like dogs...how anyone could collar a human being like a dog...I don't know. I hope every single one of them that pushed a button rots for what they did. It's just sickening." Rachael was a little surprised by her sudden vehemence on the subject, but she really did feel that way. It was simply sick to collar someone simply for existing.

Lee was loosening up, if only slightly and Rachael reveled in it slightly when the smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Nope...you're not the only one. I don't think Doug even remembers you that well to be honest. I'm glad that you haven't held it against me though. As much as I was a noncombatant, and am claiming innocence through ignorance...I really would have tried to do something about it if I'd have known any better."

Lee was explaining more, giving more of the story and Rachael chomped on more chips and drank more beer as the story continued, Lee had loved before Tarin...but her powers (it was still weird for Rachael to think of it like that) had been too much for him. "Mmmm a musician...the standard by which we judge all men...Well, I'm glad he made things good for you, but he obviously wasn't right for you if he put you through all of that." The music, the depression, Rachael had had difficult breakups in the past, but it really did sound like Lee threw herself into relationships a hundred percent. Interesting considering the way she was with everyone else.

Rachael was just getting ready to comment again when Lee whispered a comment of her own and Rachael couldn't stop an eyebrow from raising in absolute surprise. For a moment she thought Lee was talking about the boyfriend in Toronto...Ryan or whatever his name was. The one she wanted to give the guitar back to...but a moment more's thought and she realized that wasn't right at all. Lee had to have been over that guy to look at Tarin the way she had that night at dinner...before she could talk though, Lee had switched back to her usual self and admonished her for the amount of alcohol they were consuming...or the price...

"Eh...they're 1.50 tonight...bottle special. Besides, dinner's on me. Consider it a belated birthday present for...oh...forever...and a welcome back to Toronto dinner."

They were making great progress...Lee was actually talking about things...as long as they didn't involve anything to do with Tarin. That along with Lee's comment about never getting over him confirmed everything that Rachael had suspected since she'd gotten the call that Lee was coming to stay with her. It was a risk, but Rachael felt the need to ask...she had to try.

"Lee..." she said, finishing the last sip of her second beer, "If you're never going to get over him...why keep trying? Why did you leave? Robert said you left him...but you're not acting like it was something you wanted to do...can you please shed a little light on the situation for me. I know it can't be easy to talk about...but you guys seemed to have such a good thing..."

Lee nodded as Rachael spoke. About how it was just sickening that people would actually collar others for things they couldn't help, that they'd even be able to consider it, never mind do it.

And then she went on to talk about Doug. It honestly didn't surprise Lee when Rachael said she didn't think Doug really remembered her. She had always thought of him as just an annoying little brother, so had tended to avoid him. And he had still been quite young when she had left. Lee wasn't even sure she could remember what her brother looked like after all these years. Would she even recognize him?

"How is he?" Lee ended up asking. "How much have you all told him now?" She couldn't help but wonder about how much Doug knew, since apparently tonight was the first Rachael had heard about Lee's experience in the camp. Was Doug still completely ignorant about everything about her? And if not, had he followed their parents' influence regarding mutants, or was he more of a mind with Rachael?

When Lee told Rachael that Ryan was a musician, she seemed to like that fact. Apparently she wasn't the only one in the family who loved music, though Rachael seemed more interested in the musician thing than Lee had ever really been.

After her complaint, Rachael went on to explain that the beers were cheap that night. Really cheap, in fact. "Fine, lie about the price," Lee reluctantly somewhat agreed with Rachael. "But I haven't exactly gotten you presents for the last how many years, either, so this makes up for what you owe me, alright?"

Lee was taking a drink when Rachael asked directly about Tarin and what had happened in New York. And about how she was never going to get over him. She choked slightly, having not realized she had spoken that realization out loud.

Catching her breath, Lee dropped her eyes to look at her beer bottle, which she was now holding with both hands on the table in front of her. "Robert didn't think he was so great," Lee said, softly. "I don't think he ever liked him, even before he had reasons to."

Lee paused and took a deep breath, her eyes closing. "Wanting to do something and needing to do something are different things. Two very different things." Lee frowned as she spoke. Is this how Tarin had felt when he went to Maine, that he needed to leave to protect her?

She wanted more information. Of course Rachael wanted more, that's all she seemed to have been doing since she had gotten to Toronto. But Lee had barely been able to talk to Tarin about it, about why she couldn't be with him, and he knew what had happened. Rachael didn't know any of it. Even if she wanted to, how was Lee supposed to explain it?

Shaking her head, Lee squeezed her eyes closed tighter. "I couldn't stay," she whispered. "I just couldn't. Not after everything that happened during the breakout..."

Lee wanted to know about their younger brother...Doug. He was still so young. He'd known when they went to see Lee, heard the mild argument between Rachael and them over what was going to take place. They'd been so angry with her for telling Doug the truth.

"Well..." she said, a slight frown marring her features, "I'd say that Doug feels relatively similar to me...though even more removed. We don't really have anyone like you back home...and he's left the are so rarely that he's naive to it all. You're a big curiosity though...especially now. Mom and dad were pissed, but I told him all about you. They thought he'd be better off just thinking you moved away."

Lee was still reluctant to let her pay for anything, but Rachael seemed to have convinced her with all the birthday talk. This was something she'd planned for a while though, and a few beers and dinner were a small price to pay for all the information that was finally flowing from her sister.

Lee commented how Robert disliked Tarin, "I know, I know...he thought he was dangerous and he thought that anyone with that many tattoos and that many piercings had to be bad news. Like I said earlier...he's a douche bag...and let's add elitist to the list as well, just for good measure."

Lee went on to talk about doing the right thing versus doing what a person wanted to do. Rachael had the good grace to hold back her horrified look, but she couldn't believe the words coming out of her sister's mouth. "So you didn't even want to leave...and he didn't want you to leave either? Lee, are you out of your mind?" Her voice had raised slightly and she blinked away her disbelief at the situation. It just didn't make any sense.

There was more, something had happened, something bad enough to convince Lee that leaving was her only choice. That's what had brought her here, not anything else, something that had happened during the breakout that made her think that she needed to give up everything in her life that had the potential to make her happy.

Rachael was still horrified at that fact and she shook her head slowly, "What could have possibly happened to convince you that doing this to yourself was better than staying?"

Lee nodded almost absently as Rachael told her about Doug. And how their parents had told him that she had 'moved away'. Yes, Doug had been young when she had left -- how old had he been again? Ten, maybe? -- and Lee hadn't been able to picture her parents coming out and telling everyone the truth, but she hadn't thought they'd have kept up the lie that completely to her siblings.

"Dangerous..." Lee repeated, taking another sip of her beer. Then wondered how her second beer had emptied so quickly. But dangerous was certainly one way to describe Tarin, or at least his merging power. Especially when the spirit or person Tarin merged with seemed intent on killing her. "The tattoos are just hot, but I think Robert's still convinced that Tarin beat me," Lee whispered, staring at the empty bottle she had set back on the table.

Rachael had hit the nail right on the head, there, and Lee kept her eyes lowered. Once she had figured out that Tarin hadn't actually cheated on her, she hadn't wanted to leave him, and from the start, Tarin hadn't wanted her to leave.

Lee just shook her head when Rachael asked, not only if she was out of her mind, but then went on to ask what could possibly have made her decide to leave. She couldn't tell Rachael the reason, she just couldn't. How could she explain that not only had she killed people during the breakout, not because she had been forced to, but because she had wanted them dead. And how could she explain that she had almost killed Tarin? Lee didn't see how she could get those words past her lips, not again. Telling Rupert that fact had been hard enough. So Lee just sat there and continued to shake her head as she stared at the table.

"You won't get any argument from me there...about the tattoos" Rachael said, "I wouldn't kick him out of the bed for droppin' crumbs..." she stopped and actually giggled a little, "I don't think Robert feels the same way though." That required a pull off the beer bottle and silence for a bit.

Rachael considered Lee across the table, for a few moments, then shrugged her shoulders, "I don't think it was necessarily that Lee..." Rachael shrugged again, "He did hurt you Lee...and more than once...and that's just what Robert knew about. Robert is a man...and an arrogant one at that Lee. Of course he felt the need to be the avenging protector to the love blinded sister." Rachael paused and rolled her eyes at the situation, it was frustrating as heck, dealing as a sort of go between.

That's when Lee clammed up though, completely clammed up. The waitress had noticed the beer was gone though and brought two fresh ones. Rachael barely even noticed, but took the new one and had a long drink.

"Lee, if it was that bad you can't just never talk about it again. Things like that eat people from the inside out. If you're bound and determined that this is the way things have to be then you're going to have to deal with this, not just act like it never happened."

More chips, more guacamole...hopefully more talk.

Lee's eyes shot up to Rachael's when she brought up Robert's own point about how Tarin had beaten her. Not only just one time, but multiple, that he 'knew' of. "Never once," Lee said, her eyes taking on a hard look as she looked across the table at her younger sister, her voice low enough that even the waitress bringing fresh beers wouldn't be able to hear until she was right beside the table. "Never once has Tarin ever hurt me." And yes, that emphasis, that distinction between Tarin and when he was merged, was very important, and had been since that very first merge Lee had seen. "Unless you want to blame him for the pain he caused when he was helping me with that damn immobilizer."

Well, at least Tarin had never hurt her physically. Emotionally, now that was a different story, like when he had left her at Robert's and disappeared to Maine. But Robert had never really cared much about those emotional pains, and Rachael was just talking about the physical now, as if the emotional injuries were easier to heal. Right...

"I just wish I could say the same about never hurting him," Lee whispered, her gaze dropping back down to the table again, her eyes closing.

Apparently, Rachael didn't seem to disapprove of Robert's over protective big brother stance. Especially in regards to Tarin. They wanted to play it that way, did they? Maybe she should really give them something to think about, Robert too, since with everything Rachael knew, Lee was sure she had been and would be talking to Robert about all this.

"He felt guilty, and blamed himself, because he hadn't been able to protect me," Lee said, her voice still low, but no longer quite a whisper, as she looked up at Rachael through her eyelashes. "We were mugged, the guy holding me off the ground by the throat, and he blamed himself for that because he hadn't been able to stop it. If you two are going to blame him for that stuff, maybe I should be blaming Robert for each and every time I was hurt before that, each and every rape attempt I had to fight off because he didn't protect me."

But then Rachael was going on, pressing about her spilling about what happened in the camps. About how if she didn't talk about it, it would simply eat her up inside. Would it? Lee didn't know, but that's exactly how she had dealt with every other bad thing that had happened so far in her life. If that was eating her up inside, Lee didn't realize it, it was simply now part of who she was.

"I have been dealing with it, in the only way I've known how to for the last 8 years," Lee finally answered. "The only way I have dealt with this sort of thing since I was 16. I waited till I had time and could be alone, then I thought about it and cried for a few hours. By the time I was done, I'd figured out what I was going to do about it, and locked it away with all the other bad stuff.

"I know you don't think it's right, but dealing with things this way has probably saved my life a few times, actually making me be able to get up and function again before I'd die of lack of energy by staying locked up."