Nate had gone through all of two breakups in his life. He did not count leaving Sarah the first time because he took the coward’s way out and left without saying a word to avoid the long explanations and the ensuing confrontation. Things with Sarah never got as serious as they did in his first relationship, but there were still similar feelings watching things end. The feeling that he was not in the right place to give someone what they deserved and the notion that his past was always going to be part of his present were eerily familiar.

It was for the best. Nate was devoting his time to Norah first, Haven second, and all his other jobs third. It was hard to fit a relationship with Sarah because she did not fit into those three words, and he was too concerned with being a good father to give her the time she should have if they were truly supposed to be together.

He liked Sarah. There had been moments where he could see himself loving her, but that just never had the chance to become his reality. He would move forward and hopefully, they could be amicable the next time they crossed paths.

Still, he felt like garbage for being the reason things did not work out, and he still remembered how to appropriately mope after a breakup. There was less heartache than the first time, so naturally, he toned down the drinking. He was too busy to lock himself in his apartment and binge drink for two weeks. Instead, when his thoughts returned to Sarah and the realization that they would not work, he would set aside the time to drink alone at the corner of some dive bar. He was getting better; he might possibly handle his next breakup in an emotionally healthy way! It was a novel concept.

It was two weeks after the breakup and Nate had just left another bar. He was on his way to his apartment at Haven Headquarters when the fluorescent glow of a liquor store caught his eye. The night air was still warm as he walked, paper bag in hand, into Central Park. He had no reason to hurry home; Nat had Norah, and he had no work at Haven or the Mansion the next day. He could walk through the park and see where the night took him. Maybe he would pick a fight? Maybe he would pass out on a bench? Life was full of possibilities.

He was not sure how he got there, but half an hour into his journey, he was leaning against a familiar mini-castle hidden within the Park. Belvedere Castle. He had not been there since…

His hazy mind traveled back to his first months in New York and his first meeting with Quin—before he even knew she carried a badge. They were still good memories after all those years. He pulled his phone from his pocket and carefully typed up a text message.

Hey Quin, I could use a drinking buddy if you don’t mind brown-bagging it. Come find me; I’m king of the castle!

Nate hit send and took a sip of the mystery liquor concealed in his bag. He was certain she would still remember their first meeting, too.

Quin had been laying on her couch, staring at the ceiling while some random cooking show blared in the background when the text notification on her phone had gone off.

The redhead didn't look immediately. In fact, she didn't even move when the sound rang through the apartment. It had been a while since she'd gotten back from Virginia, but ever since Quin had felt like something was off. Really off. It wasn't just all of the...stuff that had gone down while she was gone, it was the end result of all of that.

Something was off, and Quin couldn't put a finger on exactly what it was. It wasn't seeing Ashton...that had been bad enough and she wasn't going to spend a second more thing about the encounter than she had to. It was...everything else. It was how right everything had felt, all of the things they'd done had bordered on illegal, but it had all been the right thing to do. It was disconcerting to say the least, a paradigm shift that Quin hadn't felt coming on and was struggling to deal with.

Ugh. What was she doing with her life?

Quin checked her phone, and actually burst out laughing. What had her horoscope said today? Something about making sure to take any opportunity to unwind?

King of the castle? Quin had to think for a moment, but eventually she sorted it out. Weirdly poetic for Nate, but not entirely surprising. Drinking in public though? Oh well, it kind of went along with her new and daring persona.

I'll be there with bells on. Going to let down your hair or do I have to climb the stairs like everyone else? I'm walking so it'll be a few. Save some for me.

She was already dressed, so it didn't take Quin long to find her shoes and head out into the warm New York night. Her hair was loose and the breeze felt nice as she wandered down the streets and made her way to Central Park. Belvedere Castle. The place loomed into view as Quin approached and she couldn't help but sigh a bit at the memories the shadowy visage brought along.

The whole meeting with Nate had been so out of character for Quin. She had always been so cautious by nature, but his easy charm and smooth demeanor had put her at ease almost immediately. Dear God he'd been a flirt...it was almost shameless in hindsight. Almost.

Smiling slightly, the redhead made her way up and inside, wandering until she spotted a familiar figure.

"So are we celebrating, or commiserating?" she said on approach, "I want to make sure I'm in the right mood."

The response to Nate’s text message did not leave him waiting long. With so many plates spinning at once, it was hard to find time to catch up with old friends. For all he knew, she was back on duty after her Virginian exploits. His last meeting with Quin also ended on an awkward note as romantic tension built, only to be broken by the admission that Nate was seeing someone.

Of course, “seeing someone” was now in the past tense. Not that he was allowing himself to give much thought to how that changed things.

Well, I just got a new haircut, and it’s too dark to toss down a shadow, so I think you’re stairbound this time. See you on the balcony overlooking Turtle Pond?

Nate looked out at the calm wanders thinking back on his time with Quin. He chose to withhold the truth of his identity from her, and it became the lingering mistake that was eventually too much to work past. Nate had been trying to act like a better man, but his decisions made him a criminal. He doubted Quin would ever truly see past that.

That was years ago, and so much had changed. Nate worked to atone for his crimes, and Quin was seeing the shades of grey in the world. He never would have expected the turn of events, yet there they were. They were back in each other’s lives, finding some new middle ground. He was unsure what that meant, but he liked the idea of getting to know Quin again as the people they were becoming.

Nate turned at the sound of a familiar voice. Leaning against the edge of the balcony, he offered the bottle of spiced rum in an outstretched hand. ”Moping was getting exhausting. How about some catching up? Maybe a little nostalgia?” Nate was already working through his breakup, and that was not the baggage to unpack with Quin. She was there because he needed good company, and she was the best.

Alcohol was still swimming in his head, but he hid it behind an inviting smile. ”Tell me about Virginia. I miss anything good?”

Moping along on the balcony of a medieval styled castle in Central Park while drinking alone from a paper bag. It was almost poetic, like something out of a book or rom-com. It was less cheesy in real life than it would have been in either of those situations though. This was the kind of place that a person could think without feeling like they were on display for everyone else. Quin got it. She also got the bottle and took a swig, crinkling her nose slightly at the first drink. Rum was so sweet...

"Nostalgia and catching up." she said after swallowing, "Got it." The redhead took another drink and passed the bottle back, this was Nate's show after all and it would have been rude to hog the drink. What was there to catch up on since they'd last seen one another, besides everything. Quin leaned back against the railing of the balcony, glad that the awkward tension from that time seemed to have passed. Nate asked about Virginia, and Quin heaved a sigh, running a hand through her hair.

"Funny you should ask..." she trailed, squinting into the dark and trying to figure out how to verbalize everything she'd been thinking in her apartment. "I was doing some moping of my own when you texted."

It was quiet again as she continued to struggle, "You think when you get to a certain point in your life, your world view is set. You've had all of the moments that mold and shape the person you are. It's...hard when that all gets tossed A over T." The end was a bit more vulgar than she'd been going for, but it got the point across.

"What about you? How's that kiddo of yours?" If they focused on her too much, they were going to need a lot more booze.

Nate appreciated that Quin did not question the goal if their night. He grinned as he watched her nose crinkle at the first sip of rum. It was a sweet drink complimented by flavorful spices. It was the perfect liquor to drink straight from the bottle, but it was an overpowering taste if it caught you off guard. Quin did not complain though; if she was up for what was technically a night of illegal drinking in public, she was going to roll with the plan as Nate came up with it.

He took the bottle back and took another quick swig. He was already pleasantly drunk, so she had to work on catching up, but that did not mean he was going to just stop drinking. He set the bottle between them on the ledge of the balcony wall and watched Quin sigh, combing through her red hair with her fingers.

Quin had her own moping to do, which was not a good sign that Virginia went smoothly. He was curious what changed since they last saw one another, but he was not going to push. They had a night of drinking to take care of, which meant plenty of time to talk.

The way she soliloquized about life felt all too relatable to Nate, who kept thinking he had life figured out only to be “tossed A over T,” as his ex would put it. He smirked at her colorful choice of words and nodded. ”Trust me. I keep believing I know the game and someone comes along and changes the rules. But it’s not always so bad; keeps you from getting complacent.” Sometimes the someone was a redheaded cop and sometimes it was a former fling with a child, but every time Nate felt comfortable with his life and who he was, something came around to shake things up. ”At least now we’re here to gripe together instead of moping on our own.”

It was clear Quin was changing the topic by invoking Nate’s daughter, but he would give her a pass. She was going through something that was weighing on her mind. Besides, if there was one thing Nate enjoyed talking about lately, it was Norah. ”Norah? She’s great. Smart, sweet, and so dang nice. And somehow, she’s my daughter.” The equation that said Nate and Nat could create a girl like Norah proved genetics was not always equal on all sides.

He took another deep sip of rum, feeling the brief burn in his throat before he continued. ”She knows now. That I’m her dad. It went… it went so well, Quin. I wasn’t expecting it. She’s accepting me into her life and giving me a chance at this.” It was the biggest moment of his Summer, his year, and likely his life.

Of course, he did not want to make things too heavy for their pleasant night of drinking, so he added another memory from that night. ”She actually met Parker,” he said, chuckling. ”She loved the little guy at first sight. Her mom… not so much.” Nate grinned like an idiot remembering the way Natalie tried to threaten a very confused spider with the heel of her shoe.

Changing the rules. Quin could drink to that and did as Nate placed the bottle on the railing between them. Moping really was easier with company, the redhead decided as she took another, slightly larger drink. The goal here was not to get fall down drunk, but it had been a long time since Quin had done something like this and maybe she could work through some of what was going on if she could just...relax.

Nate spoke about his daughter and Quin had to smile. It really was amazing how life could change a person. It took some folks longer than others to become who they were meant to be, but it was really amazing when you got a chance to see at least some of the transformation.

Quin tuned back in just in time to hear about a close call Parker had had with a shoe. It brought back memories of the first time Quin had met the little guy. It was funny how now she was able to think of him that way...

"You can't blame her for the reaction...Parker can be a lot at first." Quin said, chuckling softly. "But, Norah sounds amazing to take everything so in stride. You deserve that."

It was quiet for a long moment after that proclamation and Quin simply reveled in the companionly silence. She set the bottle back down and resumed leaning, crossing her arms across her middle.

"What do you do when the rules change?" she asked finally. "Not the little ones like putting all the fine money in community chest when you play Monopoly...I'm talking about the ones that cause people to flip the board when you bring them up."

Quin knew better than most what a first impression Parker could make. Their first date ended (innocently) at his apartment where his pet brushed against Quin’s ankle. She squealed and scurried, but Nate gave her credit for taking the news surprisingly well. He did get a second date, after all. ”I don’t know. Besides some quick girly screaming, I thought you warmed up to him quicker than most.” It helped that Quin spent more time around Parker than any other woman in those days.

It was nice to have Quin supporting Nate’s endeavors as a father. It was a big new chapter in his life, and Quin was an important part of the chapter before. He would never stop caring about her to some extent, and it was good to see it went both ways. She was always a good person to have in his corner.

Things felt peaceful as they took turns with the rum. Nate did not mind the quiet. It was relaxing just being around Quin, enjoying the stars and the companionship. It felt like they had all the time in the world. Why rush?

Quin finally broke the silence with a question. It was a heavy one; almost existential. He certainly missed something, and in the context of their metaphor, it was a literal game-changer. Nate considered the question carefully before doing his best to answer. ”I guess you figure out what the new rules are and what the new win condition is in your life and change the way you play the game. Otherwise, you’re playing the game wrong.” It was a lesson Nate had learned from his own major shifts to the status quo.

Taking another swig of rum, he turned his slate grey eyes from the sky to his drinking partner. ”So… big changes, then?” Okay, so he was asking. How could he not be curious about whatever was causing Quin to overhaul her life?

Quin almost felt bad. Surely this hadn't been the kind of company Nate had had in mind when he'd sent his text earlier. Things just felt so...heavy though and one of the things Quin had realized recently was that she didn't have anyone to talk to anymore. Sure, her parents were always an option and they were thrilled to get a call from her, but this wasn't the sort of thing she could bring up to them. The fact that she was a city-dwelling cop was still a somewhat touchy subject and there was no way the conversation would have given her what she wanted.

It was cathartic to simply voice some of the things she'd been thinking about to someone she knew would give her honest advice. Nate spoke eventually, and Quin could feel his eyes on her as he asked for more details.

Quin shrugged and reached for the bottle, avoiding eye contact for the moment.

"The last few years haven't been great." Quin said, quite possibly uttering the understatement of the decade. "And I just think that I'm starting to realize that I've been really wrong about a lot of things for a really long time." It was hard to admit, especially to Nate. He knew better (or worse) than anyone how set she had been in her world view.

"I've always just wanted to help people and do the right thing." she said, "But I always make the wrong choices...and consequences pile up."

The redhead sighed, finally dragging her eyes over to Nate's, "I'm sorry this is so heavy..." she said. What else was there to say?

Quin was being so vulnerable with Nate. It was too early for the rum to be hitting her hard enough to be to blame. She clearly had a lot weighing on her and Nate was still someone she was willing to confide in. He was glad that, despite how things ended and the trust he lost along the way, she could still find it in her to be open with him after all the years that passed.

It was hard to know that Quin was having a rough go of it, particularly when life had been challenging for years—specifically years where Nate was absent from her life. He suddenly felt selfish for disappearing without a word. He knew turning himself in was the right thing to do, but there were people who should have been told. Nate believed Quin was one of those people; after everything they went through, she deserved to know, even if they were not talking at the time.

Quin was a cop, and they had to make tough decisions. In recent years, being in law enforcement was a life that came with much more scrutiny, both externally and internally. Nate was starting to wonder if Quin was starting to struggle with that concept. As long as he knew her, she had a black and white, right and wrong, good and evil view of the world. Maybe that was not a model built to last.

When she apologized for weighing down their night of drinking, Nate shook his head. Without giving it much thought, his hand rested on top of hers on the railing. ”Hey, don’t apologize for heavy. I feel like I should have been around for you through those bad years. At least now I can make up for that.” Breakups were never easy, but hindsight made it easy to see how wrong it was to cut Quin completely out of his life.

”You’re a good person, Quin. Just… maybe it’s time for a change? Find what feels wrong in your life and just… try something new.” He smiled and gave her hand a gentle squeeze before finally realizing where it was. Pulling away, he looked away with uncharacteristic shyness. Quin was his ex-girlfriend, and there were probably boundaries there, right? ”Sorry…”

It was particularly touching that Nate wished he'd been able to be around during the rough years. Things hadn't ended on a solid amicable note between them, and the fact that he wished he could have helped in some capacity meant that time had done a lot that all the effort they'd exuded couldn't. It all seemed so silly in retrospect though. Sure, the whole name thing had been kind of a big deal, but had it? And the rest of it... Quin sighed again, these weren't things she could say out loud.

"I'm glad you are." she said softly, and meant it. Quin didn't have work friends, it was difficult to do after what had happened a few years ago. Despite the fact that she'd done everything in her power to prove herself, it seemed like a little dark cloud followed her around the MRC everywhere she went.

Something new. The concept was terrifying, if Quin was honest with herself. She'd wanted to do what she was doing for as long as she could remember. What else was there for her to do? Still, it was something to think on later.

Quin hadn't even noticed Nate's hand until he squeezed hers, and she shook her head and smiled when he apologized. "It's alright." she said, the contact had felt nice...comforting to be honest and she was a bit sad that Nate had pulled his hand away. He looked uncomfortable too. It was uncomfortable, she realized, because it wasn't. The thought brought a bitter tang of regret to Quin's mouth and she looked around for the rum. It tasted better.

It wasn't a fair question, especially considering the way their last meeting had ended. Quin asked it anyway, frowning a bit as she did, "Nate, do you ever wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been so stubborn and you hadn't been so...you?" she finished weakly.

Things with Quin felt… well, nice. She was happy to have him around again, and he was happy to be back in her life. It became easy to fall back into old patterns, which let his hand find hers. He pulled away, worried he would have made things awkward, but Quin dismissed his apology. It had not felt out of place. Maybe he was not the only one to think that.

Nate did not have to wonder long. Quin asked a question he was not expecting. Did he wonder what would have happened if they had handled their relationship differently? If she was able to let go of the burden of “dating a criminal?” If he had worked harder to help her work through those apprehensions? ”Of course I do, Quin,” he admitted, his voice soft.

He looked Quin over in the moonlight. She was looking as great as the first day they met in the park they were now hiding in. It was hard not to feel something when he caught her brown eyes. ”You were my first love, Quin. My only one so far outside of my daughter.” There had been other women in his life, but she was the only woman he had fallen in love with in his thirty-three years of life. ”I think a lot about how different life would have been. Maybe we would have worked it out if I didn’t give up. And I’m sorry I gave up.” It was a surprise coming off his lips, but it was long overdue he apologize for his role in how things ended.

”I could see it, though. Having you around. Having your back. You helping me make the tough choices I made.” Admittedly, he wondered if he would have turned himself in if Quin would have been in his life. It may have been too much to walk away from for so many years. ”I wonder if we’d have a place now. If we’d be married. If we…” He stopped himself. He wondered if Norah would not have been his only child if things with Quin played out differently. He never even thought about children until things started getting serious with Quin. ”I wonder about a lot of things… do you?”

Quin could remember a time in the distant past, when she'd asked her Father a question and he'd given her a somewhat unkind, but honest answer. Quin had been upset and he had told her that you should never ask a question if you didn't want the answer.

The lesson obviously hadn't sunk in.

Nate spoke, and Quin's head dropped forward, her eyes closing like maybe when she opened them all of this would have been a dream. Everything that had happened since that weird day when some people woke up as younger versions of themselves and turned the world on its head. Nate pointed out that she'd been the only one he'd ever actually loved and she wanted to echo the sentiment, but the lump forming in her throat was getting hard to breath around, let alone speak.

The apology he uttered was the worst though, and she shook her head, swallowing hard, "It's not like I ever really gave you a chance." she said bitterly, knowing that he'd ultimately done the only thing he could have in the situation she'd put him in.

Would they have a place? Would they be married? Would he have spent years in a place that Quin knew was akin to some of the outer circles of hell to atone for the things she'd so callously shunned him for? Quin wasn't arrogant enough to take all the blame for that last decision. Nate had done what he had done because that was simply the man he'd become.

It physically hurt to think about it all now. It was kind of what Quin wanted though, more proof that she'd been going about things wrong for a long time.

Did she wonder? Quin met Nate's eyes again, mild incredulity painted on her features. "Sometimes it's all I can think about."

That seemed over dramatic and warranted more explanation, "For a long time I tried not to think about any of it...but the more I look back the more I realize that everything that's gone wrong for me started the second we fell apart. Since then I've made terrible decision after terrible decision..."

They were getting things out in the open five years late. It was the last thing Nate expected when he called Quin. At most, he anticipated some friendly conversation and alcohol-fueled flirting. What they had now was a serious conversation about whether either of them thought they made a mistake. His year with Quin was a defining point in his life that did not end the way he would have wanted. It took a month to even start considering that he would move on from Quin, and even then, he was not convinced he ever would. He resigned himself to believing Quin would just live on as his “what if.”

Nate was not alone in wondering about the past, as Quin would make clear. The look in her eyes seemed to question how he could have the gall to ask if she had thought about what happened between them. He was on her mind, and he was there often. It was simultaneously comforting and heart-wrenching, because it made him wonder if they really could have worked things out if they had just communicated. If they had been as open as they were finally being now.

There was a sense of guilt. After Nate left, he was slowly building his life up. Meanwhile, Quin was left alone and things just never seemed to work out for her. She was the one to put him back on a good path, so it was unfair for her to suffer in his absence.

Nate returned his hand on top of Quin’s hand, but it had become an intentional choice. ”I miss you, Quin. A lot, some nights. But you don’t know what would have been different if I was around. Hell, I have a habit of making things worse.” Whatever Quin had gone through, he doubted his absence was the cause of her woes. Then again, at least he would have been there for her through it all. ”How do you think your friends on the force would have looked at you when it came out you were dating a former criminal?”

Nate was right, Quin knew it. It was just easy to wax dramatic on things like this when the opportunity arose. At least she was doing it to Nate, at least he got where she was coming from. It was kind of weird though, most people would have been mortified to reveal things like this to an ex, but this seemed okay. At least the air was getting clear.

Nate said that he had a tendency to mess things up and Quin chuckled softly. They could easily spend the whole night arguing about who was better at messing things up. That wasn't going to accomplish anything though.

The last statement...that was the hum-dinger. What would her friends on the force have thought if she'd started dating someone who was openly an ex-criminal.

"You'd be surprised." Quin said, "Cops see a lot of people doing a lot of things for a lot of reasons." It was true, and a weird line to try to establish. Just because someone was a criminal didn't necessarily mean that they were a terrible person or they were doing what they were doing for terrible reasons. There was a difference between feeling caught between a rock and a hard place and being an evil SOB. If anyone understood that distinction, it was cops.

"Besides." Quin reached for the bottle, took it right from Nate's hands if necessary, and took a big swig, "They'd have reacted to you a hell of a lot better than they reacted to the actual rebound"

Quin was giving her police colleagues a lot of credit, in Nate’s humble opinion. Cops did see people forced into a situation by their means, which could have saved Nate’s image if he was the teenager getting into crime to get off the streets. If they had seen the lavish lifestyle he was leading in his mid-twenties, they might have found their sympathy surprisingly lacking.

With Nate’s probation agreement to provide information when necessary paired with his Haven work, the ex-con was getting more facetime with local and federal law enforcement. More than he ever anticipated in his life at one point. Things did not start off smoothly given who he was, but he noticed the people who interacted regularly with him had warmed up to the charming rogue. At his core, he was a people person with a talent for winning others over.

Maybe he could have won over Quin’s friends, but how long would it have taken and at what cost? ”First of all, let’s set aside the petty part of me appreciates the reminder that I am, in fact, fundamentally better than Ashton.” Nate and Ashton never saw eye-to-eye. It was a classic dilemma: Ashton was the coworker who loved his girlfriend, and Nate was the untrustworthy guy dating Quin. They were never destined to be friends. ”Was it really received that poorly? Because I need you to remember; I was still in the game when we met. That could have brought up a lot of nasty questions about you. Ugly words. Enabling. Abetting.” Which was not even to voice the accusations she might face about competency, failing to realize the guy she was with was a criminal.

Nate watched as Quin took a sizeable swallow of rum, and suddenly he wondered just how bad things with Ashton went. After all, she had yet to find it in her to even talk about it. Dating a coworker could always get awkward, but with police perhaps there was more of a taboo?