For about two weeks now Agnes has had a cat and in that week she had grown to actually care for the diabolical little fuzzball. Of course Lilith is still a pain-in-the-ass but she was a pain that Agnes was steadily getting used to. She was finding that she was actually getting comfortable with the idea of returning from a hard day of rehearsals and finding the little feline waiting for her. Despite her initial protests (and both hers and Rebecca’s failure to find her true home) Agnes was almost relieved when the last call turned out to be a bust. Though she knew that Rebecca would never live it down, at this point she just didn’t care. At least there was another heartbeat in her apartment.

Speaking of heartbeat, Agnes still found herself blushing at her thoughts from that night. Two weeks had passed and still she was finding herself thinking back on it. It was a perfectly innocent night, nothing had happened. And yet, still, she was finding her thoughts drifting back to it like a leaf caught in a current. She would be relaxing on her couch, reading, or showering, and suddenly the thought of the lovely redhead with the pale, freckled skin would pop back into her mind. It was distracting, it was inappropriate, and…Agnes didn’t know how to stop.

Meeting with Rebecca had been a little awkward after that night, on the plus side things were already still a little awkward between them so a little added awkwardness was barely noticeable! Still, Agnes found her mind drifting every now and again when she and the redhead met up for lunch or the chat on the phone about what Lilith was doing now. Secretly she knew that Rebecca was only calling to ensure that Agnes hadn’t yet put the rambunctious kitten out on the street, but she was eager for the calls all the more.

Dammit, she was allowing herself to go down a road that she knew was bad for her. She couldn’t think about the past, she couldn’t pretend that she knew where things with River were currently situated, Agnes was just playing with fire each and every time she was alone with that redhead. She knew that – and yet part of her didn’t care; Rebecca was her friend and she was going to make this friendship work, even if she had to choke back whatever feelings she was totally not having for her when they were together.

They. Were just. Friends.

Fate, as it seemed, wanted to make a mockery of her life. There was a reason that she was trekking to Rebecca’s apartment today. Her friend had contacted her the pitch an idea for a new episode of her web series: she wanted to do a video on how they were successfully making friendship work after being broken up. While Agnes seemed all for the idea over the phone, what Rebecca didn’t see was the low hanging head and roll of her eyes that couldn’t be translated through her voice. It was at times like this where Agnes was certain that the universe was poking fun at her.

Upon arriving at her ex’s apartment, Agnes climbed out of her small little car and stepped onto the sidewalk. She was dressed fairly casually in form-fitting black jeans, a red and black top that mirrored the pattern of a ladybug, and of course her favorite black denim jacket. Tucking her bag over the crux of her arm, she headed into the building and sighed. This was a mistake. Deep down she really felt like this was a mistake, but she didn’t want to disappoint her friend. Whatever thoughts or feelings she may or may not be having, that was hers to work out. At the end of the day, she didn’t want Rebecca out of her life and she will fight to keep it that way.

The climb to Rebecca’s apartment almost felt like a walk down the green mile. She fully expected there to be a large green door with an electric chair sitting behind it. It didn’t help matters any that Rebecca had informed her that Nessa, her girlfriend, would be joining them for the experience. Great, this wouldn’t be awkward at all, would it? That alone should have made her turn down the invite but she couldn’t disappoint Rebecca. Part of being friends was being able to weather the storms. She would weather this one.

Stopping at the door number she recognized, Agnes held her breath for a second as she knocked. At first it was so soft and unheard that Agnes wasn’t surprised there wasn’t an answer. Gulping and fixing her hair, she held her hand up and rapt again…

KNOCK-KNock-knock…!

She squeaked at how accidentally loud that last knock was and the weird tampering off sound it made when she tried to correct herself. Already she was making quite the impression and awkwardly called out through the door.

”Um…sorry…” she announced. ”Hand slipped.”

Smooth, Agnes. Very smooth.

”You know, I could totally build you an actual gaming PC. Just say the word.”

Becca looked up from her laptop, snapped out of the trance the screen often put her in by the low voice of Nessa sitting at the foot of her bed. ”Oh? Ah mean, Ah’m nae playin’ games; just lookin’ ower comments tae see whit fowk want advice oan.” Becca’s advice vlogs were some of her most popular videos, and her fans knew she would look through comments to find out what they wanted her to talk about. The channel was a conversation and a community; that was well known as one of her philosophies for Pixelbecky.

Nessa, who was a gaming channel girl and whose idea of “community” often meant hopping online to play games, rolled her eyes at the extra effort that went into such a personal blog. ”So many feelings!” she joked, falling back on the bed to sit next to her girlfriend. ”What do the masses want to hear about from Pixelbecky?”

Running the fingers of her free hand through Nessa’s short brown hair, Becca looked over some of the comments with the most likes. ”Looks loch… ‘Hoo tae teel a girl ye loch ‘er—’”

”Which you suck at,” Nessa teased.

”’Whit tae dae when ye love a straecht girl—‘”

”Do you even know any straight girls—oof!”

Becca lightly slapped Nessa in the stomach to shut up her joking for a moment. ”Ooor… ‘Hoo tae be friends wi’ an ex.’” Once she realized what she was reading, Becca’s voice trailed off into a mumble.

Nessa sunk her teeth into the question, arching her brow and smirking. ”That one sounds perfect for you. You and Agnes seem to be thick as thieves these days. Maybe you should bring her on for an episode,” she teasingly suggested.

The thought was scary to Rebecca, who had been working hard lately to keep her thoughts of Agnes tame and appropriate. At the same time, she did not want to make it sound like something was wrong between the two ex-girlfriends, so maybe she overcompensated. ”Ah mean, it's nae a terrible idea, reit? Ye hink?”

It did not sound terrible, sure, but that did not mean it was an idea Nessa was on board with. Quietly, she had been growing more uncomfortable with how much time Rebecca was spending with her ex-girlfriend lately, but she did not want to come across as a jealous girlfriend. Things were going well between them, and paranoia was a death knell for a happy relationship, right? ”Yeah. Yeah, um, sure. That could be an interesting video,” she agreed half-heartedly.

---

Which was how they ended up here.

Any video had some jitters associated with it, but Becca was genuinely anxious as she worked on setting up her cameras and audio equipment. The two girls had spent time together since the sleepover night, and on the surface, everything seemed normal. She was sure Agnes had no idea what was going through her mind. Becca was being plagued with the ghosts of memories from their former relationship, as well as fresh new memories like the kiss they shared, or the sight of Agnes sneaking into the living room to grab her phone. She feigned sleep, but had not missed Agnes walking out in boyshorts before returning to her bedroom. Becca had to calm down her racing heart and the compulsion to follow her back to the bedroom.

All these thoughts were unfair to the woman setting up Becca’s green backdrop. Nessa had been nothing but a great, accommodating girlfriend since they got together, and here Becca was getting butterflies over another woman.

Add to all that stress the knowledge that her girlfriend and her ex-girlfriend were about to meet, and Becca was dealing with a feeling of dread. She rationalized that having the girls meet each other would make things easier: she could establish her relationship with Agnes as platonic in the eyes of Nessa, and make it clear to everyone (including herself) that Nessa was the woman she wanted to be with. Almost in an act of affirmation, Becca chose a sweatshirt from Nessa’s company’s clothing line for the video.

Her hair was done into loose curls, her make-up was carefully done with products that would not hide her signature freckles (since she had an audience and two women to impress, all of whom enjoyed her freckly visage.) All she needed now was—

KNOCK-KNock-knock…!

Becca jumped at the sound of Agnes’s first loud knock, her nerves already suspect before the introduction of new surprises. The knocking was followed by an apology from the other side of the door that sounded very representative of Agnes.

Before Rebecca could make a move for the door, Nessa almost excitedly replied, ”I’ve got it!” and was on her way to greet the newcomer before any objections could be made.

Nessa opened the door to see her black-haired predecessor standing there, waiting. Before any words were shared, she locked eyes with Agnes, and for a moment she appeared to be in thought. Seemingly realizing how long her gaze was lingering, Nessa’s eyes darted away and she forced a smile. ”Nice to meet you. I’m Nessa.” She offered her hand for a firm shake before moving out of the doorway, welcoming Agnes in with a, ”Make yourself at home,” carrying the confidence of a woman who knew she had the authority to say such a thing in her girlfriend’s apartment.

Becca looked up from the laptop she was connecting her camera’s to, smiling nervously at the new presence in her apartment. ”Hi, Aggie. Ye excited fur yer PixelHearts debut?”

It took some coaxing for Agnes to actually knock on her ex’s door. She had only been here a few times but for whatever reason this time felt totally alien to her. There was something strange in the air between the two of them now, something that the violinist simply couldn’t put her finger on. She wanted to keep the doors to friendship open but there was something else there, something that was pulling her in an opposite direction, one that she was scared to admit to. River was still heavily on her mind but Agnes was steadily noticing that another face was beginning to pry its way through – Rebecca’s.

With a shaky breath, Agnes listened to the sound of footsteps charging towards the door. For half a second she had to smirk, toying with the idea that maybe Rebecca was just that excited to see her. But as the door opened and she caught that sight of brunette hair, her hopeful fantasy melted away at the realization that this was not her ex – it was Nessa, Rebecca’s current girlfriend.

It was awkward to say the least. Agnes tilted her head down, her eyes momentarily averted before she caught Nessa’s. She was stuck there for a moment, silent, trying to push through the confusing barrage of thoughts she was having of both River and Rebecca before she finally realized that she was being spoken to. For a hot second there Agnes felt like her old self, when she was first adjusting to being around people again. She was shy and quiet and wanted nothing more than to slink off into some hole in the ground like a bug. But a louder voice told her that wasn’t the person she was anymore.

A voice that just happened to speak with a Scottish accent.

She cleared her throat, recentered herself, and offered the young woman at the door a warm smile. She nodded as she held out her hand to shake Nessa’s. ”Nessa,” she repeated with a gentle look. ”I’ve heard a lot about you. Lovely to meet you finally. Becca talks about you all the time.” She looked away into her bag and fished around before she pulled out a small tin container that was freshly purchased and handed it off to her. ”I hope you like vegetarian lemon poppy seed cookies?”

It wasn’t a peace offering per say. A certainly not an apology for lusting after her redheaded girlfriend the other night when she slept over at her apartment. Nope. It certainly wasn’t that. Instead, in Agnes’ mind, at least what she tried to convince herself it was, was a just a gift. One of the social cues she picked up on when she started to reintegrate into proper society was that you never go to someone’s house without something. In a lot of places that’s considered rude and Agnes wasn’t rude.

With a tilt of her head and a smile, she followed Nessa into the room. She had to admit that she had a much better look at the young woman now. She had only seen her out of the corner of her eye at the wine bar. Now that she was looking at her, she had to appreciate that the woman was actually very beautiful. No wonder Rebecca was so head over heels for her. With Rebecca in her head again, she sucked in a breath and peered around the room – and at the couch where the two of them had shared that brief kiss. She gulped. No, she shouldn’t think of that right now.

Ahem.

She perked up when she heard a slightly nervous voice call out to her. There was Rebecca, situated near her computer and getting things set up for this recording. To be honest she still couldn’t believe that she had agreed to it. This wasn’t the type of thing that she did and yet, here she was. She would chastise herself for committing herself to day later, for now, she needed to find her strength again.

”Oh, a little nervous, a little excited,” she said with a nod. She placed her bag on a nearby table and smiled when Domino crept out of his hiding place and immediately headed for her. The older cat began to purr loudly, rubbing against her legs. Agnes bent over, scratching behind the cat’s ears before she glanced back to Rebecca. ”He probably smells Lilth on me. She pinned me down this morning and was all over me. Still brushing hair off my clothes.” She turned back Domino and smirked. "She's too young for you, you old tomcat."

Domino responded with an offended Murrr... before he continued to purr and rub against her legs.

Becca was initially worried by the seeming delay between Nessa opening the door and words exchanged. Were her girlfriend and her ex-girlfriend sizing each other up? It was hard to tell since the door opened in her direction, obscuring her vision of the meeting.

Thankfully, there was a greeting to follow, and Becca could breathe a small sigh of relief. She needed this meeting to go well, and while logically it was likely to be fine, she was also aware that Agnes could struggle with some new people, and Nessa could be… well, a rough person for someone to meet for the first time. Her girlfriend was an absolute sweetheart, but her natural instincts in conversation led to her saying things that could be considered…

”Nessa. I’ve heard a lot about you. Lovely to meet you finally. Becca talks about you all the time.”

”You too. All. The. Time.”

”I hope you like vegetarian lemon poppy seed cookies?”

”Oh good, there’s no bacon in these.”

…Rude. Becca cleared her throat loudly to alert Nessa to her flat tone. With her group, her constant quips and snark were expected and even beloved, but in the real world, she needed reining in. ”Sorry. What I meant was I appreciate it. I’m not a vegan, so thankfully I’m not a huge pain in the ass to buy food for. Thank you.”

It was the best Becca could hope for. There were no vegans in the room, so she would let the last comment slide. Bigger battles, after all.

Unsurprisingly, Agnes was nervous about the video they would be filming. She knew it was something outside of her ex’s comfort zone, which was why Becca was all the more appreciative that she did not back down from the invite. It would make the video more dynamic, and she was sure those asking about her ex were hoping to finally put a name and face to the stories. As much as Nessa’s proposal was agreed to out of anxiousness, it could turn into a video that would rake in plenty of views for her. ”Dinnae gie tay woriat. Yoo're gonnae dae great. It's nae live sae we can tak' as mony takes as ye need.”

With the setup complete, Becca was free to walk over to Agnes as she greeted Domino, who was thirsty for her attention. ”Ah know th’ feelin’. Ah hae lint rollers oan standby if ye need.” After all the apprehension Agnes had about hosting Lilith, it was heart-warming to see her accepting her role as a true cat mother. ”Ah hope mah Lily is daein’ weel?”

Becca looked over her ex-girlfriend-slash-temporary-co-host and gave her a once-over. She would look great on camera, and the outfit was not green, which was great. Becca had forgotten to warn Agnes about the green screen, so that could have been an annoying delay at the hands of her own lack of communication. ”Dae ye need some makeup? Nae 'at ye dornt look gorgeoos, but wi' th' cameras an' lights an—”

”Eavy vere, Sprinkles,” Nessa interrupted, nibbling on one of Agnes’s cookies of good faith. ”What she’s saying is doing makeup for recording is a little different. I can take care of it if you like,” she offered. She then, as a non-sequitur, pointed back to the tin she left on the counter in the kitchen area. ”Also, I’m going to eat literally all those cookies tonight.” Of course, Nessa was open to sharing if the other girls wanted a treat, but they had to be aware that the cookies were delicious and not long for this world.

Agnes was still reeling a bit after her initial meet up with Nessa. She didn’t know why but there both something about the way that the young woman looked at her and something else about what she had said. Rebecca had told her enough about Nessa to know that her ex’s girlfriend could be a little – strange with the way she spoke. Her proclamation that there was no bacon in the cookies was both unexpected and…odd. To Agnes it seemed that cookies clearly labeled as “vegetarian” wouldn’t come wrapped in crispy strips of bacon. That was just a given.

However the more she thought about it, the more she was glad that she just smiled and nodded her head along with the other woman and followed her inside the house. She was at least gracious and said “thank you”. Maybe this whole meeting was just as awkward for her as it was for Agnes? But what did she really have to feel awkward about? Rebecca was clearly dedicated to her. She would have to just chalk this up to a random instance and continued with trying to steel herself up for the upcoming time ahead.

Moving into the apartment, after Rebecca greeted her, she was immediately set upon by her ex’s old cat, Domino. She had remembered her time fondly living with the redhead and the feline was definitely one of those aspects that she adored. It was strange considering how resistant she was to allow Lilith into her home when she had such a good relationship with Domino, but it was best to not poke holes. Instead she just conceded herself to being a cat-petter for the rest of the day.

Rebecca words of encouragement managed to quell the nerves in her stomach a little bit. Not a lot, but just enough to allow her to stay and keep from running off. Also it seemed that Rebecca had experience in the battle with cat hair and promised her a secret weapon should she need it. A glance down at her wardrobe proved that it was going to be a necessity.

”That would actually be great,” she said with a hefty sigh. ”A few more strands and I’ll have a fur coat.” As Rebecca removed herself to grab one, she questioned after the well-being of the hellion that lived in her space. Agnes snorted. ”Lilith…” she said the name with emphasis to correct her. ”…is fine. Though she broke a picture frame the other day while trying to explore.”

It seemed from Agnes’ voice that she wasn’t as upset about it as she may have been on the first night. As a matter of fact, it was more like Agnes had just accepted her fate. After all, what was sweeping up a little broken glass when compared to having another living heartbeat in the apartment? It was safe to say that Lilith had managed to break through the tough layer of Agnes’ fear and the two of them were now getting along swimmingly.

Taking her mind off her new kitten, Agnes arched her eyebrows when she looked over to Rebecca, the Scot asking her if she needed to have any make-up. She had put on some, but only very little, unsure of what was going to be required for the recording. Rebecca had started to apologize and state that her question wasn’t because she though Agnes wasn’t pretty (quite the opposite, apparently), but because the equipment around them may require a little something different. That something different, Nessa managed to interject.

She turned over to the brunette who had her mouth filled with cookies. Agnes smirked but not out of embarrassment for the other woman but out of happiness that she actually liked the treat that she had brought. That was the first step towards making this whole arrangement work, right? She guessed that her treats were good enough that she even offered to help her with getting ready for the lights and camera. Still, it had been a long time since she allowed anyone else to do her make-up so she glanced between Rebecca and her girlfriend.

”Oh! Um…” she chewed on her lip. ”I really wouldn’t want to be a bother…” she said, trailing off. Her ant antennae drooping a little along with her uncertainty. Still, even though it felt awkward, she wanted to prove she could have a good time so, jumping on the nickname bandwagon, she turned to Rebecca with a semi-wicked / semi-at-least-I’m-trying look. ”What do you think, ‘Sprinkles’?”

She wasn’t stepping over any lines by using that same nickname too, right? She didn’t think so…

Becca was glad Agnes took her up on her offer for a lint roller. While the camera newbie was exaggerating about the amount of cat hair she brought with her to the apartment, the coating of hair was noticeable enough to show up on 1080p. Wanting to give Agnes the chance at making a good first impression, Becca walked back to her makeup mirror where a lint roller was so she could offer it as a means to de-Lilith the black and red top.

As a fellow cat mom, it was easy for Becca to empathize with the position Agnes was in. Her kitten knocked something over, which was frustrating since it was never preferable to find something broken, but it could be hard to hold that against the kitten. It did not know better; there was something interesting, and after some playful batting, it was interesting and on the floor. ”Weel, Ah’ll make sure tae talk tae Lily next time Ah see ‘er.”

After proposing Agnes have another onceover with makeup to prepare her for the cameras, Nessa stepped in to save Becca from shoving her foot too far into her mouth. Becca was going to offer to do the makeup herself, but as with the door, Nessa beat her to it. Agnes seemed initially hesitant, but tried to muster up some sass of her own, teasing Becca with Nessa’s pet name for her.

The brunette snerked at the comment, almost choking on a bit of her cookie. The best thing Agnes could do to win her favor was to get on her level with sarcasm and playful teasing, so the comment was a pleasant surprise. Becca chuckled at the comment as well and sighed, ”Nessa’ll probably gie it dain better than me anyway.”

Grinning, Nessa led her new victim to the swivel chair set up next to Becca’s vanity mirror. Having Agnes take a seat, Nessa looked over what she had available, picked a foundation that would suit the insect woman’s complexion, and started applying it to her face with a brush.

While the makeup was being added to Agnes’s face, Becca grabbed index cards she left near the recording setup to look over some of the talking points she wanted to bring up during the video. ”Sae Ah'll be leadin' things, an' when thaur is a guid windae fur ye tae add somethin', Ah'll leid ye intae it. Naethin' shoods pit ye tay oan th' spot.” Last thing she needed was to put Agnes in a position where she was caught off guard and uncomfortable. At least not more than she already had by inviting her today.

Nessa, who was now tastefully applying blush to Agnes’s cheeks, joked, ”Yeah, no questions about how often you still have sex dreams about my girlfriend,” she teased with her dry delivery, notably looking right into Agnes’s eyes since the young woman was more or less trapped into looking forward.

”Nessa!”

The makeup artist rolled her eyes and chuckled to herself. ”I mean, who could blame the poor girl.” Adding finishing touches, she looked Agnes over one last time before centering back on her eyes. ”That should work. You’ll be less shiny in the light, your cheeks will have a little more color, and your eyes should pop more. Becca was right,” she added, ”you have very nice eyes.” She allowed Agnes to stand up, but something about the way she looked at her gave the impression Nessa knew something she was keeping to herself.

Becca waved Agnes over to the seats set up in front of the green screen. There was no reason to put things off; they both had their makeup done, the equipment was set up, and she wanted to keep Agnes safe from being Nessa’s toy to play with and verbally nudge. ”Okay, we're ready tae gang. Onie lest questions afair we start wi' tak' one?”

So here Agnes was…getting ready to have her face worked on by her ex-girlfriend’s current girlfriend. This totally wasn’t weird at all. But, as part of her whole regime on wanting to push through these awkward encounters she had decided that she would do her best to roll with the punches. It was going to be a bit strange but she wanted this friendship with Rebecca to work and therefore Nessa came along as a package deal. She would be okay…so long as she didn’t say anything stupid, right?

After using Nessa’s petname for Rebecca against her, that seemed like it had scored some points with both Nessa and Rebecca. The two of them smiled a bit easier (though Nessa sounded like she choked a litte) and were quick to get things underway. Before the violinist knew it, she was being led away by the brunette to sit on aa chair so that the girl could work on her.

Agnes always felt awkward at these things. Whenever the women at the make-up stalls in malls managed to convince her to sit try a free makeover, Agnes felt a little awkward; now the sensation was just a little compounded. She gulped as the girl looked over the products she had available, glancing between Agnes and her supplies, as if trying to pick out the best thing to fit Agnes; skin tone. Though it was strange, Agnes was patient and simply waited without saying much, offering the brunette a small smile whenever she glanced in her direction.

Once Nessa got started, Agnes made herself sit very still, turning her head whenever Nessa directed her to. As she had her head turned, Rebecca called out and explained how the process was going to do. She was actually very thankful that it wasn’t a live show or anything like that. That would have only managed to compound her nerves. Gradually she turned her face when Nessa turned her by her chin. Agnes nodded and let out an ”Mhmm…” as she didn’t want to move her mouth too much at Rebecca’s comment that she wouldn’t be put on the spot.

However, just as she confirmed, Nessa piped in with her own commentary. The second that Agnes heard and processed the sentence, she could feel the harsh blush that had colored her cheeks underneath the make-up. She gulped as a nervous, light laugh gurgled out from between her lips, her mind reeling from the faux-accusation. In truth she hadn’t had any dreams like that – but passing thoughts were another thing. Thoughts about when she had Rebecca were together many years ago, particularly one where the two of them had shared a shower in an attempt to save time to get to an event but ended up staying in. It was a favorite memory of Agnes’ (recently) but as soon as the thought popped in, she was beset upon by her last sex dream which had to do with River and that negligee that was still sitting in the drawer at home.

She gulped and pushed passed the thoughts. There was no need to go into any of that space right now; she didn’t need the distraction.

Rebecca admonished Nessa with a firm shout of her name but Nessa seemed to be on a roll. She just rolled her eyes and left it with a comment about the futility of not trying to think of Rebecca in that way. She gulped as she shared another nervous smile with the brunette before taking a slow breath. She wasn’t offended but it wasn’t the kind of conversation that she wanted to get into right now – or ever, really.

Her self-imposed torture didn’t last much longer as Nessa finished the last of her make-up. As she was appraised for the completed look, Nessa rattled off the specifics about what she had done. Agnes wouldn’t appear shiny and her eyes would pop a bit more. To be fair Agnes didn’t have much experience with being recorded like this so she would have to take the other woman’s word for it. But what was strange was, towards the end, Nessa actually paid her a compliment on her eyes – before she leaned in and gave them a solid look. Her nerves had reached its apex. To be looked at that closely dredged yup age-old anxieties…anxieties which caused a slow and steady buzz to begin to emit from her chest. The hive was waking up causing an explosion of thoughts as she panicked inside to keep the insects calm, their thoughts rolling through her mind of “Defend” and “Swarm”. But when Nessa finally looked away, Agnes managed to quell the hive.

Free from the strange make-up encountered, Agnes gave Nessa an appreciative look and replied with a quiet ”Thank you…” before she excused herself and returned to Rebecca’s side. She took a seat near the computer, peering at the screen as the set up was completed. It seemed like not was the time.

>> ”Okay, we're ready tae gang. Onie lest questions afair we start wi' tak' one?”

Agnes shook her head after a second of thought. ”Um, I-I guess not?” Her antennae twitched cutely as she chewed on her lip. ”I guess just nudge me if I start to say or act stupid?” She joked, of course. If there was anyone she felt comfortable with, it was Rebecca.

Rebecca would love to be a telepath, because she was finding it near impossible to read what was going on in her own girlfriend’s head. Nessa’s comments were forward to the point of being invasive, but that spoke nothing of her impression of Agnes. She always found herself attracted to the directness and the honesty of her girlfriend, but it also meant she might treat someone she likes with the same tone and reverence as someone she hated. Needless to say, she found herself apologizing for Nessa often.

Thankfully, Nessa was taking her spot behind the camera, where she would hopefully keep her comments to a minimum so they could record without interruption. Agnes took a seat next to her, giving Becca the chance to look her over one last time. Sure enough, Nessa had done a spectacular job making her camera ready. It was telling that she still felt the tingling in her gut when she saw Agnes; she wondered if that tingling was something worth bringing up on the video.

Maybe she should have reconsidered her stance on scripting advice vlogs.

Regardless, Agnes seemed as ready as she was going to be, and Becca gave her a nod of affirmation that she would help her “avoid saying anything stupid.” It was just as likely Becca might slip up as well, so there was no shame in it. ”We can cut an’ jump back if needed.”

Signaling with a thumbs up to Nessa, she heard from behind the camera, ”Okay, take one in three.. two..”

"Awrite, aw mah lads an' massies! Er, lassies—darnit!” Becca press her palm to her forehead lightly, still conscious of the makeup she did not want to rub off.

Nessa was chuckling on the other end. ”She never makes it more than two sentences in without a quick flub. Gets it out of the way early. Take two in three… two…”

Becca took one last deep breath while she could and tried again. "Awrite, aw mah lads an' lassies! As alays, Ah'm Pixelbecky, an' welcome tae Pixel Hearts!" Nailed it. You know, her opening that had been the same for literally the life of her channel.

”Sae plenty ay ye hae bin askin' me fur advice oan hoo tae be friends wi' yer ex. Ah figured if Ah was gonnae gab abit thes, Eh'd invite oan a special guest Ah've e'en talked abit oan occasion.” As a big part of her life, Agnes had made her way into some of Becca’s videos, even if not by name.

Gesturing her hand to her left, Becca cheerfully introduced, ”Thes is Agnes, mah ex-girlfriend, coz fa better tae talk abit stayin' friends wi' an ex than an ex?” she asked rhetorically, smirking at the camera.

Turning her attention to Agnes, she said, ”Thenk ye fur comin' oan an' nae turnin' doon probably th' weirdest request Ah've hud since we broke up.”

Her audience already knew their host, so it was important they understood a little more who she was sharing the screen with. ”Care tae teel mah fans a bit abit yerself, an' mebbe a bit abit us?”

Agnes was again thankful that this wasn’t going to be a live broadcast. Aside from her interview with Leo, she had only done a few snippets for interviews before that had to do with either the Little traveling Orchestra or with the New York Philharmonic. It was never anything extensive like this. She didn’t know anything about the correlation between make-up and the lights used in filming. For a moment she felt a little silly that she didn’t know anything about it but it wasn’t as if she could really be blamed for that, could she?

She smiled a bit nervously but nodded her head when Rebecca assured her that they could delete or skip over anything that came out wrong. And, almost as if to demonstrate that point, Agnes snapped her attention back to the camera that was facing her and tried to put on an overly friendly smile. Without realizing it, she was holding her breath. Her heart thumped in her ears as Rebecca started – and then quickly flubbed her entrance.

Agnes tilted her head, smirking a bit as she looked at the embarrassment on her friend’s face. There was something almost humbling about that as it reminded her that she didn’t need to be perfect at all. Nessa was quick to remind Rebecca of her inability to make it through her intro the first time almost any time that they filmed. Agnes cracked a genuine and pretty smile at that, grinning as she reached over and patted her friend on the shoulder.

”Film much, sweetie?” She knew that she was going to screw up, but Rebecca had been doing this for far longer, Agnes felt it was appropriate to tease her at least a little bit.

With the awkwardness worked out, the filming started anew and Agnes turned back to the camera. She was starting to relax now and took a far more relaxed posture. Her smile was easier, far prettier than the forced one that she had done a second ago. Her sapphire eyes flashed with humor and mirth as she watched her friend address her online community and turned to face the camera. There was a small, hint of a smile on her lips and quickly turned into a nervous one when Rebecca introduced.

>> ”Thes is Agnes, mah ex-girlfriend, coz fa better tae talk abit stayin' friends wi' an ex than an ex?”

A blush appeared on her cheeks but it only added to her cute factor as she momentarily looked away from the camera before returning her gaze. She gave a wave to camera woman, nodding her head. She listened as Rebecca clarified her reasons for having Agnes on the show before she turned and started to speak with her directly. She had to introduce herself; this was the kind of thing that she was starting to feel a bit more familiar with.

Clearing her throat, her antennae stood up briefly as she straightened her posture and turned back to face the camera. Smiling sweetly she gave another wave before she proceeded with her own dialogue. ”Hi all,” she started. ”Like your…um…beautiful host just said, my name is Agnes and yes, believe it or not, I am her ex-girlfriend.” It still felt like sandpaper on her tongue to say but she said it. ”Um, I’m twenty-three, a violinist for the New York Philharmonic, and Rebecca and I dated a few years ago before we broke up due to….reasons.” She smiled a bit shyly before she turned to face Rebecca. She caught the Scot’s eyes for second, but only a second, before she turned back to face the camera. ”But…though we’re no longer ‘together’, we’re now good friends. As a matter of fact, she actually helped me care for a kitten that found its way into my car – by being a complete ass strong-arming me to keep her.” She chuckled but then stopped, her eyes wide a second. ”Um…I mean keep the kitten, not Rebecca here.”

It was not that Rebecca was nervous about Agnes’s first appearance on her show, or if she was, it was not for a selfish reason. She wanted Agnes to feel comfortable and find her footing so the product that went online was one the violinist would not regret. If the video went well, maybe Rebecca could even convince her to return on occasion.

Well, not all of her reasons were selfish, at least.

Things were off to a good start, with Rebecca doing her best to quell any blushing from hearing herself called beautiful in Agnes’s voice. (Thank the Lord for makeup.) Despite referring to Agnes as her ex a few times in the introduction, there was something sour about hearing the word come from Agnes’s lips in regards to her. Obviously the topic was going to come up, and it would be hypocritical if she could not take the words she gave, but it was a reminder that the two rarely referred to each other as such if it could be avoided.

Their eyes did meet when Agnes mentioned their breakup in vague terms, which was fine. This was not a video about their breakup; it was a video about their friendship. To prove that point, Agnes mentioned Lilith, which was a great memory to ease them both in to the video.

Except, of course, for Agnes’s clearly unintentional joke about who she was “keeping.” Agnes seemed a little stunned at herself, and Nessa was rolling her eyes behind the camera. Becca kept herself grinning and chuckling because the camera was on, she was Pixelbecky, and dammit, she was a professional.

”Of course,” she picked back up, still smiling, ”As aw mah most leal lads an' lasses micht awreddy know, Ah’m 'kept' these days by Nessa frae Th' Paw Block Party, while Aggie haur has tois ladies in 'er life: 'at rambunctioos kitten, Lilith, an' 'er wonderful fiancée, River.” River and Agnes might not have been on the best of terms, but as far as anyone knew (including Agnes herself,) they were still engaged. Rebecca would have felt awkward mentioning Nessa without mentioning that Agnes had moved on to another woman as well.

”Honestly, 'at probably leids tae a first piece ay advice fur stayin' friends: make sure yer ex knows abit th' new lassie in yer life, an' yer significant other knows yoo're still friends wi' yer ex.” It seemed like a reasonable bit of advice to start off with, though she was not initially thinking about why the thought was so fresh on her mind. ”Yoo're yer ain person, an' dornt lit someain teel ye fa ye can ur cannae be friends wi', but be transparent. Th' truth a’ays comes it.” It certainly did when Agnes…

#$@%!

Looking at Agnes, who Rebecca had absentmindedly thrown on the bus, she tried to backpedal as hard as she could, with her voice lightly cracking. ”Nae 'at it's aye easy tae brin' up. It can be a toochy subject, an' we're aw human. Friendship loch thes has its challenges, richt?”

It was strange talking about her break-up so candidly. Not even with River was Agnes this open about the event. It probably helped that when it occurred, there weren’t a lot of people in her life. She had lost touch with a number of people after she had attended Julliard and even those individuals weren’t as prevalent in her life after she moved in with Rebecca. She was blissful and happy to just have Rebecca in her life but when she was gone, who else was she supposed to talk to? It was a hard time for the violinist, a lonely one, but she managed. Now, talking about it all over again, it just felt odd to her. Almost as if it were somehow sacrilege.

Any discomfort that Agnes may have felt talking about this topic was buried under her sense of duty. She had promised her ex that she would do this and, really, she wanted to. She wanted to have fun and film a nice video, maybe even offer some helpful advice to those who genuinely want to remain friends after a break-up. It was one of the few things that Agnes had knowledge of and who was she to not share it with the world?

Of course it couldn’t go one-hundred percent smoothly. While Agnes had a good vibe going, she was suddenly derailed when she mentioned a comment about keeping a certain individual. To anyone listening closely it could have either referred to the new wayward kitten in her home or her bestie sitting next to her. Realizing how that could have sounded, Agnes immediately fumbled as she tried to clarify that it was the kitten she was speaking of and not the lovely redhead sitting next to her.

Thankfully Rebecca was a professional and managed to turn her fumble into a witty remark. She reiterated that she was already a kept woman by “Nessa” and then had gone on to mention both Lilith…and River as being those important individuals in Agnes’ life. This colored the insect queen’s cheeks. She was still so on the fence about River now. She did love her but with everything that was going on, how could she really make that call anymore? Was that what River even wanted?

Her mind was a abuzz with activity as these question began to persist in her mind. She kept a smile on her face but, really, she was only half-listening to anything that Rebecca was saying – that is until she caught her last comment.

>> Yoo're yer ain person, an' dornt lit someain teel ye fa ye can ur cannae be friends wi', but be transparent. Th' truth a’ays comes it.”

Her blush deepened to a shade that almost matched her ex’s hair. Deep down she knew it was just a slip of the tongue but it also partially felt like a jab at her. The whole reason that she was on this hiatus with River was because she found out about what happened between the two of them. The second Rebecca let it slip that they had been in the same apartment, the question and accusations started and reached such a level that Agnes had to admit that a kiss happened. The fully justified rage that followed was enough to make Agnes want to crawl into a corner and die. If she had been honest, told River who Rebecca was after they had first met, maybe even been honest about the drunken kiss, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad right now. Or maybe she would have a clearer idea of where River and she were at. But right now she had none of those comforts – just an ex tossing her under the bus.

She gulped and took a steadying breath as she shared a somewhat meek and sad smile with the camera. Again Rebecca was the professional and immediately caught on to what she had done. She attempted to rectify it by agreeing that it wasn’t an easy subject to bring up and, since they were all humans (technically), that mistakes were bound to happen. Towards the end, when Rebecca had stated the difficulty of such a friendship, Agnes somewhat shook out of her stupor and nodded.

”Oh! Um. Yeah. Exactly,” she said with a nod. A few seconds of dead silence followed after that before she gulped and chimed back in. ”I mean, you need honesty. It may seem uncomfortable at first but if you don’t tell your current lover who in your past wants to remain friends, then that can lead to a lot of problems down the road.” A small, sad smile on her lips, she turned back to Rebecca and caught her mismatched eyes. ”If in the end your current lover cannot handle the fact that you have a friendly relationship with an ex, then…” she shrugged as she looked back to the camera. ”You have to decide whether or not the friendship, or even the relationship, is worth it.”

Rebecca was going to be more careful. Yes, her advice was truthful, solid guidance toward those who might find themselves in a similar situation to Agnes and Becca. This did not change the fact that, without Agnes know it was going to come up, the reminder that she might have done wrong by River was going to shake her. There was no intent to make the (formerly?) engaged woman feel guilty, and in the moment, the cluster that led to the harpist’s departure was nowhere on her mind. None of that made what Rebecca did any less insensitive.

If they looked genuinely awkward on camera for a moment, Rebecca hoped some clever editing might be able to skirt around or cut out the seconds of struggle before Agnes picked things back up.

To her credit, Agnes did jump back into the conversation. The camera might not notice, but it was clear to Rebecca that her friend was hurting when she admitted that lies of omission could spiral into complex issues for a relationship. She caught the sad smile as Agnes found her eyes for a moment, and her heart was pained. She put the ViewTube novice in this position, and now she was baring her honest truth to the world: with an ex in the picture, there might come a time when someone is forced to choose between a lover and a friend. Rebecca was unsure if this was a choice Agnes already had to make or if it was one that was weighing on her, but she could see the thought was not something easy for her to accept.

Agnes was doing great because there was so much emotional honesty in what she was saying. Rebecca might have made a snafu, but she wanted her friend to know she was there to be support. Their chairs were positioned closely together, allowing Becca to reach over and place her hand on Agnes’s shoulder, giving it a light, reassuring squeeze to go with a comforting smile.

Returning her focus to the camera and the audience, she picked up where Agnes lef off. ”Sometimes that's a choice ye hae tae make, but hopefully it can be avoided.” Rebecca would hope she would not have to make a choice between Nessa and Agnes, and for her ex-girlfriend’s sake, she hoped there was a way herself and River could exist in Agnes’s life peacefully.

Of course, the focus of the video was not going to be balancing a new girlfriend with an old, (even if that was quickly becoming the focus of her life,) so Rebecca moved them in a different direction. ”E'en if ye dornt hae a new lad ur lass in yer life, thaur ur still struggles an' steps tae redefinin' yoorselves as friends. Th' longer ye waur together, th' mair memories ur connected tae yer auld relationship. Movies ye used tae watch. Wee habits ye hud. Th' way she smells loch lavender sometimes.” Perhaps that last one was too specific to her current situation, but to Rebecca’s credit, she did not mention the honey scent as well, even if it was still fresh in her mind from Agnes’s borrowed pajamas. ”Ah’m sure those small things cross baith uir minds occasionally, reit Aggie?”

Smiling and giving a reassuring nod to the audience, she clarified, ”Thes is normal—maybe e’en unavoidable. Ye hae tae make peace wi' whit these memories are: a part ay yer pest, nae th' justification fur somethin' new. It’s nae easy tae remin’ yerself, which is wa boondaries can be sae important,” she explained, hoping to pass the conversation back over to Agnes.

It was hard for Agnes to admit this, especially in front of a camera, but she knew that once she got going, it was going to be difficult for her to start. Ever since the lovely redhead walked back into her life, Agnes was finding things just getting more and more difficult. The holes in her relationship with River became more than obvious and clearly she was revealed as not being fully over her ex, as much as she proclaimed the opposite. By all accounts, part of her really wanted to be angry at the redhead. She wanted to put at least some (or if she could, all) of the blame on her but she was finding that difficult as they pressed on with their relationship. This was a bad state for her but the young violinist found she couldn’t end things either. She was stuck.

What she said to the camera was in the deepest earnest. It was a difficult choice to have to make, but it was a choice, no matter what anyone said. Sometimes people could make it work out and that was amazing to know, but in her case, it simply came down to the fact that there were problems between herself and River and Rebecca reappearance just brought them to light. Was that hard to admit? Certainly. Was her engagement in shambles? Possibly. Wouldn’t it be easier to just stop hanging out with Rebecca and move on with her life like she had been? No comment.

Rebecca seemed to take a cue from Agnes, sensing the dourness to the young woman’s demeanor at such a heavy subject but she rolled with it like a champ. She placed her hand in a tender way on Agnes' shoulder, and the violinist found such comfort in the gesture that she almost wanted to tilt her head down to nuzzle her hand. However, as soon as the thought popped into her head, Agnes could feel her face redden with a slight blush. They weren't there yet! She needed to remind herself of that constantly.

After a gulp and a smile of appreciation, she took a calming breath and just refocused on what her ex was saying. She reiterated that it was a hard decision to make but, hopefully, it was something that could be avoided so long as you were honest and forthcoming with your intended lover.

Agnes smiled to Rebecca, watching her as she started to explain the difficulties of such a relationship. She had missed the lavender comment that Rebecca had made, but nodded when the redhead mentioned how those thoughts were bound to cross the others mind. Agnes nodded her head, smirking a little bit as she started to get just a little more at ease.

”Yeah. Of course it’s difficult,” she said to the camera. ”When you’ve spent that much time with someone, had that many experiences, even the little things like what Becca has talked about can trigger memories. But with work and patience, you’ll get through it. You may not ever fully erase them, but, you know, it’ll get easier to be around the person with practice.”

Her smile grew a little warmer as she looked back to the redhead. The young Scot was encouraging and rolling through this as if nothing in the world was bothering her. That she could appreciate. She nodded along with Rebecca’s advice, smirking and looking to the camera when she had stated that these were just things that people needed to make peace with if they wanted to proceed as friends. She whole-heartedly agreed. However, she couldn’t help but toss in one, probably ill-timed joke.

”And stay away from alcohol,” she smirked. ”The last thing you need to add to rebuilding a friendship is for alcohol to dull your senses.” She had meant it as just a joke, almost forgetting what had happened between her and Rebecca on her couch. Quickly she blushed and grew a little flustered as she continued. ”Oh! But, you know, not that that’s happened to us,” she said, gesturing, a bit wildly between Rebecca and herself. ”Just…like…you see and hear about those things all the time. R-Right?” She said, glancing to Rebecca, almost pleadingly.

It was interesting to talk about small things that could trigger memories, because lately those were the very struggles Rebecca had been working through. Hearing Agnes acknowledge these issues was comforting, because she wanted to believe it could not just be her plagued with old memories and nostalgic feelings. It was not necessarily that Rebecca wanted to know Agnes felt the same way and part of her missed their relationship as well, or if she did, it was not because she wanted to feel like there was still a chance for them. Their friendship would have felt less balanced if Rebecca knew she was the only one mentally dredging up the past, making it harder for them to move forward.

Of course, Rebecca turned out not to be the only one who could make a comment without thinking too hard on the consequences. The way Agnes brought up alcohol versus how she reacted after she mentioned the social lubricant made it clear their entanglement on Rebecca’s couch had momentarily slipped her mind. The poor thing had pushed herself into flustered territory, and with the social panic came the rambling in hopes of justifying what she said.

It was tough to watch and just as tough not to chuckle as Agnes backpedaled. Nessa had clearly covered her mouth with her hand to prevent herself from laughing, which her girlfriend appreciated. The brunette was still just a friend Rebecca was casually dating at the time, so she knew and held no ill-will toward the drunken kiss, but she had heard about the night from a drunken, ranty Rebecca, so the account of the evening might have had an inherent bias.

Becca bit her own lip in hopes of forcing herself to keep a straight face, but nothing was stopping the smirk forming on her lips as she flatly replied, ”Aye, Aggie. Aw th’ time.” She had the sneaking suspicion some of this portion of the video might have to be edited or cut as well. As long as they made it out of the video in one piece, that was all that mattered. She could put out a four minute video if need be.


”That's probably one ay th' guid boondaries tae consider,” she started, looking to segue and pull Agnes out of the hole she dug for herself. ”Be sure nae tae pit yoorselves in situations ye micht nae be ready fur. Thaur micht be things ye used tae dae together 'at micht nae be easy tae handle. Dornt be afraid tae say 'at. There's naethin' wrang wi' needin' time.” Rebecca had been mulling that idea over since the day Agnes found Lilith. In retrospect, she might have still needed some time before movie night sleepovers would be something she could handle.

”If ye need space frae certain things, ur if ye need momentary space frae yer friend, be clear abit 'at. An' if yer friend is th' one 'at needs space, know thes is fur them tae handle things at their ain speed, tay.” As hard as it was for Rebecca to be away from Agnes after the concert night, it felt like that time made it easier for them to return to establishing their friendship. ”Communication is nae jist a part of romantic relationships; it’s part ay friendships.” Rebecca still had some work to do on that front, but she felt committed. When she got the chance, she would let Agnes know she might need some space to sort away old feelings, and she would tell Nessa what had been on her mind lately so it did not feel like she was hiding these thoughts from her girlfriend.

For now, the host just smiled at her co-host, waiting to see if she had anything to add, feeling like they could start working toward a wrap-up for the video soon.

Agnes knew coming into this that it would be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. She was delving into unmarked territory; territory that she was still trying to find a balance with herself. Rebecca was doing amazingly, at least from her perspective, as the young redhead had moved on with a lovely young woman and managed to be the most sensible of the two of them. She told Nessa everything and didn’t have to worry about anything being found out. There was something both admiring and a little jealousy inducing in those facts. She wanted to be mature enough to have a sophisticated friendship with an ex-lover but she was plagued by thoughts and memories. Clearly that was not the best foundation for such a relationship.

With shaky sigh, Agnes turned back to face her ex as the two of them looked at one another for a moment or two. The Scot was smiling at her, encouragingly, and Agnes found herself smiling back despite her depressive thoughts. She didn’t’ want to risk loving Rebecca’s friendship again; she had been such a major part of her life. Been there for her when they were friends, when they were lovers, when they broke up, and when they moved in together. It was near impossible for Agnes to even exist in this city without any reminders of Rebecca coming back to haunt her.

Still…she had to try.

This was tough. Her relationship with her intended was at risk already and now Agnes had just flubbered all over herself as her impromptu word vomiting about not being drunk with an ex took her down a road she didn’t mean to follow. She just kept talking, trying to find a place to stop herself, but it was near impossible to do so. She sounded too guilty, too much like she was hiding something, and it was just absolutely terrible from her perspective. Nessa was trying to keep from laughing out loud and Rebecca, well, the dear tried to hold herself together but she still managed to crack a smirk at her.

If revenge were even possible she would consider it but it was probably best to not do anything that would cause drama between he ex and her girlfriend. So, with a defeated sigh, she just shook her head and covered her face. Rebecca was sweet enough to just agree with what she sea before seguing into her next point – know which boundaries need to be considered.

Truth be told, that was something that Agnes should have considered before she went to her ex’s apartment. She was a lightweight with alcohol and still trying to manage whatever she was feeling for the redhead would have clearly been a bad combination. Oh well, she would just have to keep that as an experience to learn from.

She nodded when Rebecca went on, offering advice on how to choose the right setting and make the right choices when forming a friendship with an ex. Most people considered any form of relationship with an ex to be a waste of time as clearly it signaled that there was something to do with unnamed feelings occurring beneath the surface. Agnes admitted that she felt confused half the time when she was with Rebecca but assumed, and assured herself that they were merely her trying to get used to their new dynamic, nothing more.

Sadly, as each day passed and they spent more time together, Agnes was seriously questioning if that were truly the case. She wanted a friendship but was it even possible at this point? Half the time she gave up thinking on this and just ignored it, hoping it would fix itself in her mind; and yet still, every time, the redhead managed to throw her for a loop. It was exhausting, to say the least.

>> ”Communication is nae jist a part of romantic relationships; it’s part ay friendships.”

She zoned back in just in time. Rebecca was finishing up her advice and, at the end, Agnes gave her a hearty nod and a smile. That was right. Her ex was absolutely right that communication was extremely important. It was best to not be her, do not be the insect antennae’d hot mess sitting at Rebecca’s side. Be better. Be Rebecca and Nessa.

Rebecca looked at her expectingly, apparently wondering if Agnes had anything else to add. She chewed on her lip for a second, unable to really think of anything to add as her ex had captured it so perfectly. In the end all she could was nod and give her a thumbs up. ”Uh, yeah. One hundred perfect agree. Communicating now saves heartache in the future.”