Jiri downed his second cup of coffee, picked up his laptop, and yawned his way to the counselor’s office.

At some point he was going to have to talk to this lady. Like, really talk to her. About the whole a Mansion adult karma'ed me with her power and then physically assaulted me with my own laptop thing. Seriously, what even was Ghost? She didn't seem to teach any classes. And he really, really hoped she didn't get paid to welcome students, because someone needed to get their money back on that deal.

He knocked on the wooden door, and bounced in place as he waited for Ms. Taylor to answer. Today they'd be talking, all right, but not about him. Today was all about her. The questions had been rolling in all night, ever since he'd announced the interview yesterday.

AMA With Xavier's Counselor, Talk To The Woman Who Talks To All The X's!

This one was going to be huge.

And he was definitely, definitely going to stay awake for it.

“Good morning,” Jiri said once the door opened, with a bleary blink.

Gemma had been dreading this moment for days.

There was really no way around it. She had to put her money where her mouth was, and figure out a responsible adult way to mitigate the disaster that the Internet-savvy little gang of students had unleashed on the Mansion. If her doing an interview meant that there was one less random student on the list, she was more than fine with that.

There was a knock on the door, and Gemma opened, holding her own cup of morning coffee.

"Come on in, Jiri" she smiled, letting the boy into the office and closing the door. She knew he meant well. He was a good kid. Just... a kid.

"I have been familiarizing myself with how AMAs work" she admitted, sitting down at her desk and offering Jiri a seat as well "But I appreciate your help anyway. You are probably more comfortable with this platform than I am."

There was no way she was too old for this.
She was just less experienced.

"All right" she sighed, cracking her knuckles in a symbolic way "Let's get started, shall we?"

Familiarizing herself with...

Oh god. The horrors she'd seen.

"You really didn't have to," Jiri said, far too late to save her innocent adult eyes. "We're doing kind of a modified thing, anyway. The internet gets really stupid," and gross, really gross, "so I'll just be skimming for the good questions, and I'll read them to you. Then you answer on camera. Just, ah, remember it's a live stream."

So no throwing things at him, or the internet would know.

"Also keep in mind that I didn't write any of these."

So please no throwing things at him. Especially not his own things. Especially if they weighed more than a pound and hard hard square plastic corners.

"Do you just want to sit behind your desk for this? It's pretty good staging." He set up the laptop and camera as he spoke, sipping coffee liberally. He was on auto-pilot, a bit. Maybe more than a bit. He'd done this half a dozen times now, and setting up a webcam wasn't the hardest thing to begin with. It just clipped on the back of his computer. He was using the shiny new one from Jaager Worldwide. Now that had been an interview.

He sat down across from her, and gave a nod and a final yawn. "Let's. We're live in three, two.."

"Hello, Internet, and welcome to another exciting addition to our AMAs at Xavier's Mansion, aka the Bird Sanctuary, aka please-stop-taking-pictures-through-the-gate-it's-creepy. I'm InvasionOfTheBS, and I have here with me someone who's a bit more 'special' than usual."

"Ms. Taylor, would you care to introduce yourself to our viewers? The usual questions are 'what's your name,' 'what's your position at the Mansion,' and 'what's your power.' But I'll, ah, let you explain that last one."

>>"You really didn't have to. We're doing kind of a modified thing, anyway. The internet gets really stupid, so I'll just be skimming for the good questions, and I'll read them to you. Then you answer on camera. Just, ah, remember it's a live stream. Also keep in mind that I didn't write any of these."

Gemma had seen enough AMAs to know what Jiri was apologizing for up front. The Internet got all kinds of nasty; that was no news to her, being a counselor and all, in the age of cyber-bullying. She had never really actively engaged with the stream of curiosity and prejudice before though, so she was glad Jiri was there to moderate the experience. Gemma was strong, but not invulnerable. And her nerves were already pre-frayed.

>>"Do you just want to sit behind your desk for this? It's pretty good staging. Let's. We're live in three, two.."

Gemma straightened her hair and clothing, folded her hands on the desk, and looked at the camera. Look professional. She could do this.

>>"Hello, Internet, and welcome to another exciting addition to our AMAs at Xavier's Mansion, aka the Bird Sanctuary, aka please-stop-taking-pictures-through-the-gate-it's-creepy. I'm InvasionOfTheBS, and I have here with me someone who's a bit more 'special' than usual. "Ms. Taylor, would you care to introduce yourself to our viewers? The usual questions are 'what's your name,' 'what's your position at the Mansion,' and 'what's your power.' But I'll, ah, let you explain that last one."

"Hello" she said to the camera and the Internet with a polite smile "My name is Gemma Taylor. I am the guidance counselor at Xavier's Sister School for the Gifted. I am an adapted human; that means I have an aura that cancels our all mutant powers. I have been working here for... Five years, give or take. It is nice to meet you, and I am looking forward to your questions."

It sounded genuine enough.

Jiri scrolled past the usual stupidity.

take off ur shirt!

it's an AMA tradition

hes totally gonna skip this. dictator!

don't censor our freedom of boobs, Invasion!

yeah old lady boobs, real classy

'Up voted' did not always mean 'best question.' And that was where he came in. And why he kept his computer screen facing towards him, where the counselor wouldn't see it.

"All right, first question. What made you want to work at the Mansion?"

"What's the craziest thing you've seen while working there?"

"Do you actually have a counselor's license? Because it seems like some of the quote-unquote 'teachers' at the Mansion don't have teaching credentials."

She was going to kill him later for that last one, but seriously. He'd been noticing that, too.

>>"All right, first question. What made you want to work at the Mansion?"

That was actually a lot more sensible first question than she'd expected, based on the AMAs she had seen. Gemma kept up the jovial smile at the camera.

"I worked in schools in downtown Baltimore before I moved to New York" she started "I was looking for a counseling position... and I applied at Xavier's because I thought my adapted powers might come in handy. Most mutant powers manifest with puberty, and it takes time to learn to control them. I thought that my aura could be used to handle accidents with powers by just canceling them out. There are not many adapted humans, and even less that choose jobs in education."

>>"What's the craziest thing you've seen while working there?"

Gemma considered that for a moment. It had to be intriguing, but also safe to talk about. She chose the one instance that was common knowledge anyway.

"Some anti-mutant fanatics came to the Mansion one day" she said "They had disowned their own daughter for being different, and they accused us of making her a mutant somehow. They came in for a visit, but it got violent. They also had someone with them who had fire-based mutant powers... I never understood why a mutant would side with such hatred and bigotry against mutants. Anyway... that was one day my aura came in handy."

>>"Do you actually have a counselor's license? Because it seems like some of the quote-unquote 'teachers' at the Mansion don't have teaching credentials."

"Yes, I do have a license" Gemma said shortly "As I said, I worked in high schools in Baltimore before I came here. And all our teachers are qualified to teach in the fields they are assigned to."

Qualified, one way or another.

It was nice to know that at least one of their staff members was properly certified for her position. Even if she was totally covering for those who weren't.

Jiri yawned into his fist, then read the next batch. He should probably stand up, before he fell asleep.

Yeah.

Probably.

He'd do that, in just a minute.

"What's the difference between an Adapted and a mutant? Isn't anything not human a mutant? Why the different classification?"

"Are there any students who avoid you for your powers?"

"Why aren't you on the X-Men? With your power, you could stop many mutant criminals in their tracks, without making a huge scene. You wouldn't even need to fight, you'd just need to walk up to the criminal."

Jiri seemed less than alert, and kept yawning. Gemma pushed a mug of coffee towards him. It was a little annoying that the usually so enthusiastic teen would be so... sleepy?... when he finally succeeded in getting Gemma to do this whole shebang.

>>"What's the difference between an Adapted and a mutant? Isn't anything not human a mutant? Why the different classification?"

"I don't have the X gene" Gemma said shortly, seriously, didn't people on the Internet have a search engine for this? "I am not a mutant, not in our current genetic sense of the world. I am another variation on the human genome. Since my powers directly effect mutant powers, it is assumed I am a result of human genetics adapting to the rise in the mutant population. Hence, 'adapted'."

>>"Are there any students who avoid you for your powers?"

"Yes" she nodded again "I make sure to tell all new students and visitors exactly how my powers work, so they can stay outside my aura if they are uncomfortable with the effects. Some people rely on their mutant powers for perceiving their environment. I would not want to rob them of that."

People tended to go blind, or mute, or lame around her, not to mention shutting off any sixth... seventh... eighth... senses.

>>"Why aren't you on the X-Men? With your power, you could stop many mutant criminals in their tracks, without making a huge scene. You wouldn't even need to fight, you'd just need to walk up to the criminal."

"I am not with the X-men because I am not trained for that kind of work" she said, honestly "the X-men don't just go into situations where their powers are useful. They are trained for field work, and I am not. But..." she considered it for a moment "... I have been in situations where my powers helped people. If you remember the Halloween costume situation in Central Park a couple of years ago... I was there, and since the mutant powers didn't work on me, I was also the only one not thinking I was my costume... I shut the whole thing down with a hug." she smiled a little "So yes, I try to help when I can."

Jiri took the coffee cup slid his way as the less than subtle hint it was. He was being rude, he knew he was. He'd asked her to do this, she'd made time in her schedule, and here he was half asleep for it. But honestly? This was just how his stupid power worked. He'd been half asleep since his mutation had come online.

But even by his standards, this was ridiculous.

He tried to sit up straight. He tried to focus and look attentive like a good little web journalist. But as she talked about the definition of 'adapted' and hugging all the problems of the world into submission he kept finding his head

alarmingly close

to the desk

Jiri shook himself, took a gulp of the offered coffee, and started reading the next set.

"Respond to allegations that you were, quote, 'hired to keep mutant children under control,' unquote. AKA, are you secretly a security measure?"

"If it really came down to it, who would you side with, mutants or humans?"

"Are you powers... are your powers... detrimental to mutant childr..."

Some people went blind or mute or lame in Gemma's field. And some finally

finally

FINALLY

got some real sleepzzzzzzzzzzz

Jiri slumped forward, head on desk, looking more peaceful and decidedly more at-home-behind-his-eyelids than he had in months.

oh my god,

the internet helpfully said,

she killed him.

dude this is even better than the psycho ghost interview

i know rite?

I hope she keeps answering questions, I mean, at least until the cops show up.

dude shes totally banging a cop they're just gonna cover this up

hey

heeeeeeeeey

take off your shirt <3

>>"Respond to allegations that you were, quote, 'hired to keep mutant children under control,' unquote. AKA, are you secretly a security measure?"

"I am a security measure that protects our students from outside attacks" Gemma said, annoyed at the question but keeping a neutral face about it "And I am there if someone's power gets out of control, which does happen with younger mutants. So yes, I guess I am a security measure. For powers. Not for children.

>>"If it really came down to it, who would you side with, mutants or humans?"

"I would side with the side that is right" she narrowed her eyes "I don't see humans and mutants as opposites. There are good people and dangerous people among both."

>>"Are you powers... are your powers... detrimental to mutant childr..."


Gemma blinked as Jiri slumped forward onto the desk. She leaned over to check on him; he seemed to be very healthily... and peacefully... asleep.
Gemma sat back with a sigh, turning the screen towards herself.
Go figure, the kid would pass out right when he had a job to do.

oh my god,
she killed him.


dude this is even better than the psycho ghost interview
i know rite?


I hope she keeps answering questions, I mean, at least until the cops show up.
dude shes totally banging a cop they're just gonna cover this up


hey
heeeeeeeeey
take off your shirt <3

"All right, people" Gemma said, steeling herself to take on the Internet alone "Here are some things for you. One: I didn't kill him. He is asleep. I assume it has something to do with my aura, but he has been working really hard lately, so I'll let him rest. Two: Who I do or do not bang as a consenting adult is none of your damn business. Three: I am NOT taking off my shirt, and if that is the most important thing for you to say right now, you have a lot to learn about women. Now. Does anyone have any reasonable questions?"

Ha! She told you! She told all of you!

she told THE INTERNET

omg she's gonna keep talking, this is going to be hilarious

what could go wrong

so hey, I got one. not to say that you and the x's are cozy with the cops, but just why are vigilantes from the xavier's given legal authority, and vigilantes from everywhere else treated like criminals? what makes you guys so special?

yah srsly, how do i join the x's? i do sort of a vigelante thing across town from you guys. i'm really tired of running from cops all the time when i'm just out there doing the right thing like you are

I know you're trying to push the "everyone is equal tralala" agenda of Xavier's, but I cannot help but think your previous answer on the Mutants v. Humans issue was the traditional cop out we get at every vanilla HR-approved press conference known to man. If you don't want to speak in broad terms, I shall provide for you a scenario. A hypothetical scenario, so you can answer hypothetically.

Imagine the United States government (House of Reps, Senate, and President all in agreement, we're speaking hypothetically so we can pretend that will ever happen, sigh) passes a law requiring driver's licenses/state IDs to carry mutant/non-mutant status. This is not a precursor to another Registration Act, it's merely a precaution so that if there's an accident and someone becomes incapacitated, the paramedics know to be careful of potential power use by unconscious mutants. As a preventative measure, ambulances carry shock cuffs, which they fit to unconscious mutants. Again, this is meant to keep the paramedics safe, much like they wear gloves to prevent disease transmission.

You catch some of your students forging their IDs to read "human." They are understandably afraid of such labels leading to discrimination, but some of their powers would be dangerous if they were unconscious, thus validating the government's exact fears. Explain how you would handle this situation.

Thank you in advance for minimizing your politically correct terminology.

wall. of. text.

ssssssh, Internet, the adults are talking

oh screw you

my place or yours? <3

edit: RIP inbox. Seriously, what gender do you people think I am? "Ambrose Jaager"?

The Internet seemed excited that she would continue the AMA on her own.
That was a red flag.

>>so hey, I got one. not to say that you and the x's are cozy with the cops, but just why are vigilantes from the xavier's given legal authority, and vigilantes from everywhere else treated like criminals? what makes you guys so special?

Gemma bit back a groan.

"First off, as I said, I am NOT on the X-team, so you would be better off asking one of them. Second, what makes them special is that they work with the police. That's the main difference. They don't make up their minds to go out and randomly fight people. They have training, they have rules, and they hand over captured criminals to the MRC. They don't randomly hunt criminals. They do the things human cops are not qualified for."

If they didn't accidentally die in the fights, that it. But she was not going to go there now. Killing was not the goal, at least.

>>I know you're trying to push the "everyone is equal tralala" agenda of Xavier's, but I cannot help but think your previous answer on the Mutants v. Humans issue was the traditional cop out we get at every vanilla HR-approved press conference known to man. If you don't want to speak in broad terms, I shall provide for you a scenario. A hypothetical scenario, so you can answer hypothetically.

Gemma sighed and rubbed her temples. That was a very elaborate scenario - the person had obviously been thinking about it for a while.

"You want to know what I'd do in this situation?" she considered it for a moment "Forging ID's is obviously illegal, and I don't want my students to break the law, so if I caught them in the act, there would be consequences. At the same time, I would also question why the paramedics need shock collars instead of power dampeners. The two are not the same thing, and shocking an already injured person doesn't seem like a safety measure to me. I would also agree that the ID thign jeopardized the safety of mutants - bigots and hate groups would have an easier job in exercising their prejudice. So, while my students would be held responsible for the forging, I would also go on public forums and debate the validity of these regulations."

She nodded, wrapping up her speech.

"I hope I didn't use too many big words for you."

...Did she really just say that

gauntlet. thrown.

You heard the lady, gentlemen (and fake internet ladies who are RL 30-something gentleman, there are no women on the internet). From here on out we need DICTIONARIES.

Or thesuri

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/39/ff/7b/39ff7bf55096a5240b259a25b06499d6.jpg

www.thesaurus.com/

new game: look up one big word before each post and pauperize it into your text

I don't think 'pauperize' means what you think it means

'pauperize' == ruin, which is exactly what he did to that sentence when he put pauperize in, so it's very META apropos

did she just ignore my question about joinig the x's?

have you seen their standards? just show up with bear for cold steel, that dude's chill as ****

oh cute they turned the auto-filter on. haaaaaaaaaa i'm sure that will help <3

did you mean beer? cause what you said was static1.gamespot.com/uploads/original/745/7454190/2837424-8366481436-BeerB.jpg

which to be fair, CS would probably think was hilarious, so go for it

totally unrelated to the above and definintely not standing in a liqour store hoping to join the x-men: what's cold steel's favorite beer? is he a miller lite guy? seems like a miller lite guy to me

that man. can chill his own beer.

you juuuuuust realized that, didn't you

don't pauperize this for me!!

So. Serious question: what did your school do with Maya Csendes after the whole "brained InvasionOfTheBS with his own computer on live film" thing?

Which leads to a larger question: what kind of checks/balances does the mansion have for itself with regards to crime? Lord knows the cops aren't going to police you, so do you handle that yourselves?

can mutant kids show up and just get accepted or is there some kind of application process? asking for a friend

frieeeend

lastchancenance.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/55889921.jpg

new drikning game: take a shot whenever an obvious mutant asks a question for a "friend"

Gemma scrolled past the thesaurus discussion with a deadpan face, making sure they could see that she was scrolling, until she arrived to a semi-reasonable question.

>>did she just ignore my question about joinig the x's?
>>have you seen their standards? just show up with bear for cold steel, that dude's chill as ****

"Joining the X-team is a long process, which includes a lot of training and evaluation" she said "But as I mentioned before, I am not a part of that. Let's hope Cold Steel does an AMA too soon, and they you can ask him about all the requirements."

Here Sam, have some responsibility with your beer.

>>totally unrelated to the above and definintely not standing in a liqour store hoping to join the x-men: what's cold steel's favorite beer? is he a miller lite guy? seems like a miller lite guy to me

"Just buy any kind of beer" she said with a hint of sarcasm "It works the same way as buying liquor for the NYPD when you want to join them."

>>So. Serious question: what did your school do with Maya Csendes after the whole "brained InvasionOfTheBS with his own computer on live film" thing?

>>Which leads to a larger question: what kind of checks/balances does the mansion have for itself with regards to crime? Lord knows the cops aren't going to police you, so do you handle that yourselves?

"We don't stand above the police" Gemma sighed; she wished Jorge would be around to intimidate all the twelve-year-olds behind the keyboard "If crime is committed in the Mansion, it is dealt with according to the law. As for the incident with the AMA... Maya and Jiri worked that one out."

Hopefully. But he was asleep, and obviously alive and unhurt, so.
Gemma scrolled on.

>>can mutant kids show up and just get accepted or is there some kind of application process? asking for a friend

"There is an application process" she nodded "Like in every school. The difference is, sometimes we allow temporary shelter for at-risk mutant youth while the process is happening."

thanks, good to know <3

toooooootally a mutant

so what if I am? At least I'm not a level 10 cleric pretending to have powers at my dnd campaign

dude you're gonna get admin banned if you talk smack about clerics

so what does xavier's REALLY think about the META bots?

yeah, did the police really debrief you like they said they would? did you have any forewarning at all?

anyone else going to point out that the x's were doing the vigilante thing long before they were doing the police deputy thing? anyone? that always gets suspiciously glossed over

she's not gonna answer, stop beating the horse

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/540/658/5e8.jpg

I like how that one was racially diverse, good touch

thanks i try <3

check out the equal in stupidity clip on the deputization, ralls totally nails it: equalinstupity.com/blog/ice-man-and-child-porn-boy.html

whatever happened to that chick?

house arrest at xavier's was last i heard, then she disappeared

dude they've totally got a dungeon for bad mutants, don't they

Please respond to allegations that you have "totally got a dungeon for bad mutants."

i don't care what she says, this is now my head cannon

pre08.deviantart.net/b2f9/th/pre/i/2013/136/4/5/head_cannon_by_sweettartslover-d65jdp9.jpg

On that note: respond to allegations that your basketball court folds back and STEALTH JETS fly out

we haven't had new pics of that happening in like two years, did you have a budget cut? because if you need more money for jet fuel just do a kickstarter

or a patreon

I would back that so. hard.

"at the $100/month level you get a ride on our sweet ass mutant stealth jet"

yessssssss please yesssssssss

What's your day-to-day like? How does it compare to previous (non-mutant-focused) places you've worked at?

look at SeriousPants, being serious

"SeriousPants, member since 2008." Username checks out.