Akshay’s mouth tasted like ass. That really was the only reason that the 25 year old wordsmith had begun to stir at all from his slumbers. In the safety of the blackness behind his eyes, Akshay didn’t feel the pain, the soreness, or the weariness that was plaguing his entire body. Instead there was just a comforting deep sleep that he more than embraced as he lay, comfortably on his side. The soft sounds of snoring rolled around his ears, the gentle intake of the cool morning air filled his lung, and all Akshay wanted was to remain in the large, warm cocoon that his blanket and bed had created.

Nah, there was no reason to get up and move about so early in the morning. What time was it, anyways? His internal clock, judging by his tiredness assured him it couldn’t have been more than, what, five am? 6 am? If that were true then why was the light so bright that filtered in from his window? Maybe he should check the time. Just to assure himself it really was as early as he felt it was so that he could nestle into the warmth of his covers before work.

One eye cautioned to open and immediately it was struck by the offensive light of the day. He winced and closed it again. Oh if that would have been enough to check the time, but unfortunately he couldn’t get a good look at his clock—the light was too much.

So, in silence, Akshay mustered his strength all over again. His mouth really was beginning to taste utterly disgusting. Maybe he could get up, brush his teeth real quick, and fall back to sleep in comfort. Comfort was the most important thing to sleep.

But wait…why did his mouth taste so badly? Surely he didn’t eat anything that disgusting last night, did he? Nah last night was just his normal meal of…of…huh. What do you know? He couldn’t remember. Maybe he was fair groggier than he thought. After all, with a night like last night he—hmmm…again, he could recall no details from his evening. This really was beginning to get just a tad strange. Even in his worst nights out drinking and partying, he never forgot so much.

Ah! That’s it! He must have been drinking again. Damn that Jean. He just have taken him out for another night of partying to try and help him through his break up with Emerald. Psh. Akshay was doing much better now. He didn’t need so much attention.

“Yaaaaawn…” he mumbled as he strengthened himself to open his eyes again. He was more than tired but he knew he just couldn’t wait in bed all morning.

Besides…he really needed to…um…go…

A grumble and Akshay pulled the covers slowly off himself while still keeping his eyes closed. He would save that annoyance for the very last. Freeing himself from the clothy prison, the young comic nerd sighed as he attempted to heft himself up into a sitting position.

“Oomph!” he grunted as his attempt only forced him to fall back into his pillows. Eyes widened, though hurting from light, Akshay gasped as he lay exhaustedly on his back. What the hell was that? Why did he feel like there was a bowling ball sitting on him. “What the…?”

Tiredly his hand touched where he felt the most weight, at his stomach. For a few seconds he felt absolutely nothing wrong except a strange mark every now and then on his stomach. He had turned to glance at the clock, 11:30pm?!, just as his hands reached the strangeness. The large…bulbous strangeness that was attached to his stomach.

In a panic, Akshay attempted to bolt up in bed. After an effort or two, he managed to squirm himself backward so that he was finally in a sitting position. It was only then that he looked down and noticed the EXTRA large surprise. His once thin, fit stomach was bloated, bulbous, and extra large. And it kicked! Ugh!

Akshay Malik…was pregnant…

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”


In the family way

Eggo is preggo

In a fix

Be-child’d

In a delicate state

Expecting

A bun in the oven

Incubating

Caught the baby flu

Harboring a uterine parasite

Knocked up

Tin roof rusted

Eating for two

Preggers

Preggo

PREGNANT!!!!!


“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH GAWD WHY DO I HAVE TO USE THE RESTROOM SO BAD?!” Akshay grumbled as he managed to roll of himself out of bed and skitter over to his restroom at the other side of the bedroom in the nick of time.

This couldn’t really be pregnancy, right? It was impossible! He was a DUDE!! He was fairly certain that his body knew that and that it was a very real reality. But it seemed that whenever he tried to rationalize this dilemma as being false, a dream, anything but reality, he felt the damn thing kick! Not only that but it was definitely not going anywhere! The stretch marks on the sides of his stomach were like canyons. The last time he saw something like this was one of his adopted mother’s friends came over for Thanksgiving to visit.

EVERYONE kept asking her to raise her top just enough to see the baby belly. Akshay, a boy of only fifteen was scarred for life when he mom told him to place his hands on the cauldron of flesh to feel “the miracle of life.”

…

Akshay nearly decided to abstain from women at that point. Thankfully one of his dad’s friends, with the perky and cute daughter, came to visit and Akshay was free of his aliment. But this...hah…it was AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BALLPARK!![/b]

Akshay grunted as he lay back on his bed, struggling and fighting this the pair of jeans that simply refused to even button, much less zip up. It seemed that the more his day went on, the more he felt the real gravity of his situation weighing upon him. Set aside the fact that he couldn’t remember a damn thing from last night or that he felt like he had went ten rounds against a koala hopped up two hundred Red Bulls, the real jist of the situation is that a MAN[/b] woke up PREGNANT![/b]

He gave a final grunt and just fell back uselessly against the bed. Yeah, there was no way those jeans were getting on. Curse words flying left and right, Akshay managed to move himself onto his two feet again and waddled over to his closet. There had to be something he could wear.

***

“Jean, I don’t care what you are doing…GET…HERE…NOW!!” Akshay yelled to his friend over the phone and slammed it down upon his counter.

Jean was the last person he remembered seeing before...well...remembering nothing the rest of the night. He would know what was going on, he had to...

He managed to find something to wear. As a joke one year, for Halloween he dressed up like MC Hammer. Thank god he still had the pants somewhere in the back of his closet. The stretchy waistband was a godsend to the artists but they bellowed out faaaar too much. Over the brilliant gold of his bottoms, the young wordsmith had managed to find his loosest Spectacular Man t-shirt.

Just looking in the mirror hurt his eyes.

Sitting on his couch, Akshay sighed as he stared into the distance. No matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn’t remember anything from last night. It was almost like he was drugged or something since Akshay knew better than to let himself get completely plastered. He was not stupid enough to do something like that, especially after all the trouble he has been getting into lately. But now, was definitely a whole different breed of trouble.

He sighed and just laid his head back against the sofa. He was tired. Maybe he would take a nap before he heard back from Je—

“…Dammit…” he growled as he slowly squirmed his way off the couch and headed back for the bathroom. This was totally not his day…

“Nothing? You SERIOUSLY don’t know NOTHING[/b]?!”[/color]

Akshay was exasperated as he sat at his kitchen table, squirming from left to right, trying to find a comfortable position. It seemed that whenever he attempted to sit still for too long, all he felt was the weight of his stomach pressing down upon his legs. Not only was it creepy but it was a heavy thing too that was just too weird to stand. He really wanted, whatever it was, to just go away but he knew that the longer he stared at it, the more he realized that it was indeed pregnancy. He didn’t know how, he didn’t know why, but his years of watching sitcoms and all the last minute plot-twist pregnancies that occurred therein pointed to the fact that indeed, he had to be pregnant.

But even though he was coming to terms with his circumstances, it was still just SO hard to believe! It didn’t make any sense and completely change his fabric of space and time. What the hell had happened?

He sighed as he turned to the left side, one hand rest onto his belly, the other using a spoon to mix the contents of his small Ben & Jerry’s ice cream container. Jean, sitting across from him, looked a little disturbed and almost green in the face. When he first walked into the room he was shocked, but now that his shock was wearing off, it began to be replaced with revulsion.

Akshay looked up as he scooped up a bit of the ice cream and eyed the man.

“What?” he asked.

Jean, his mouth covered by his hand, eyed him. “Um…y-you do know what you’re eating right?”

“Yeah. Pistachio ice cream,” he replied as he scooped the spoonful into his mouth.

“Dude! You crumble Flaming Hot Cheetos into that!”

Akshay paused as he was diving his spoon into the container again. He looked up, eyed Jean, and brought out another spoonful of the ice cream mixed with fluorescent orange Cheeto bits. “Yeah? And? Dude I’m hungry and NOTHING is as satisfying as this.”

Jean shook his head as he looked away. “Gawd, man, you’re disgusting.”

“Whatever!” Akshay grumbled as he leaned back, licking his lips and patting his stomach. “Okay, again, what happened? What do you remember?”

Jean took a breath.

“I remember us at the Hole in the Wall. We were dancing, having fun, then I turned around and you disappeared. And, you know, we had quite a few drinks.”

Akshay sighed. It wasn’t just like him to abandon his friend at a club. He would have normally at least told someone that he was leaving or going off with another person. It was just so out of character. Then again, according to Jean, they both had gotten pretty drunk last night. Maybe that was a factor into why he made such a decision as to leave without a word. But still…it felt…wrong…

Thoughtfully Akshay held another spoonful of ice cream near his mouth. He was deep in his musings and didn’t notice that Jean was staring at him, or staring at the Cheeto dusted ice cream. The spoon slide closer and closer to his parting lips when Jean suddenly sat up.

“That’s it, I can’t take it,” he announced. “Come on, Akshay. Let’s go back to the club. Maybe the bartender or one of the waitresses will know. I just…I can’t look at this anymore.”

“Huh? Oh…okay,” Akshay nodded as he attempted to heave himself off his chair. As he did so, he groaned, leaned back and attempted to crack his own back. Why was this thing so damn heavy? He turned to get ready but paused and called to Jean. “Yo, Jean, can I ask you something?”

“Um…sure…”

“Um, d-do these pants work? Like…do they make me look fat?”

Jean blinked. Jean turned. And then Jean left out the door.

“Aw come on buddy! I need validation!!” Akshay shouted as he waddled after Jean.

A Hole in the Wall

Jean sighed as he pulled his car up to the curb next to the club. It was Akshay’s favorite hangout, and the one that both he and Jean had managed to occupy last night. Now, they were returning to the scene of a crime! A crime against nature! A crime in which a dude was given a womb! (Or so Akshay thought). The beat up blue Dodge Challenger rumbled into silence once Jean had switched the ignition off. Akshay looked across to him and Jean could only shake his head.

“Really? You have to bring the Cheeto ice cream with you?”

“Hey, I’m eating for two.” Akshay grumbled as he continued to scoop up any remnants of the ice cream he found at the bottom of the container.

Jean started at Akshay. After a moment, the comic book colleague simply shook his head.

“Yeah. Still creepy to hear you say that,” he announced as he opened his car door and slid out.

Akshay looked up in confusion. Once he saw Jean gone, Akshay sighed and started to unbuckle his belt. His bulbous stomach simply seemed to impede his movements, no matter where he went or what he did. He grumbled, sighed, stretched, and finally managed to unbuckle his belt, but not without a angry kick from the disturbed individual within.

Yeah, the knowledge of that was still creepy to him too.

Shaking his head, he pushed open his door and squeaked as he attempted to pry himself out of the low car. He would make sure to have a discussion with Jean later that the man needed to make sure to always think about his passengers. A good host would have opened the door for him and helped him out, right? Right?

Akshay. Didn’t. Answer.

He didn’t know what was going on but his mind seemed like it was rewiring itself! Whereas before, when he passed a pretty woman on the street, he would take a second to grin and gaze upon them appreciatively. Now all he wanted to do was judge and assume they were some sort of “lady-of-the-evening” for dressing in such a manner.

Shaking his head, he waddled over to rejoin Jean who was knocking on the front door. He hoped and prayed there would be some answer inside.

“There’s no answer,” Jean said once Akshay had appeared on his side.

“Shocking,” Akshay responded with a bit of mock annoyance. “How dare an establishment that normally operates in the late night hours be closed at one in the afternoon.”

Jean rolled his eyes but didn’t respond. Akshay knew that he was being snippy with his friend but he just couldn’t help it. It seemed that ever since this ordeal befell him, he hadn’t really been in his right head. He was moody, hungry, and needed to use the restroom far more than he would ever like to admit. But the wordsmith knew that he was just going to have to grit his teeth and bear with it. He needed Jean right now; he needed him to help him figure out exactly what had happened to him last night.

There was a clue somewhere, there had to be.

“Nothing man. I don’t think that anyone is here,” Jean said with a grumble as he turned to eye the door.

Akshay shook his head. There had to be someone there, someone who could tell them what was going on. He knew that many times the owners had apartments, sleeping quarters, something that was directly above the establishment. Maybe they just couldn’t hear him and Jean? That had to be his only hope.

“Come on,” Akshay said as he walked away from the door and turned the corner into the alley.

“What? Akshay! What’re you doing?”

Jean jogged after his friend, turned the corner into the dark and dank alley and found the man scooping up tiny bits of brick and debris from the ground. Before he could ask him what he was going to do with it, Akshay hurled the items at a second floor window of the bar that looked down over the alley. The rocks flew and rebounded off the glass harmless enough but making sure to make a TINK![/b] sound whenever they collided.

Akshay was desperate. That much was for sure.

“Akshay! What the hell?” Jean asked as he jogged up to his friend’s side.

Akshay, narrowed his eyes as he glanced up at the window. He knew that someone had to be there. They wouldn’t let this club be unattended. Even if they did lock up, there was alcohol, money, expensive equipment, things that they couldn’t just leave to chance, especially with a dance club. No, there was someone inside! They just needed to open the damn door!!

“Someone is inside. They have to be, Jean,” Akshay mumbled as he hurled another rock up to the window.

Akshay was quiet as he tossed rock after rock. He threw maybe, what, five in total and still there was no movement from within. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was completely out of luck and no one was inside. Hanging his head, the wordsmith sighed. Tears dotted his eyes, a sniffle came from his lips, and instantly he felt like he wanted to cry his eyes out.

Jean only arched a brow a backed up.

“Um, dude…”

“Shut up!” Akshay cut him off. “I’m emotional.”

“What the hell do you want?!” A voice cried out.

At first Akshay wanted to turn sharply to Jean, and maybe slap him for speaking so harshly to him. But Jean was looking up and Akshay had to follow his gaze. Turning his attention upward, he spied a man leaning out of a window, glaring down at the pair of them. He was a balding man that looked a bit too heavy and barely squeezed out of the sill.

Akshay smiled up at him. Thank goodness someone was here. He would have to know. He just would.

Akshay sighed with relief. To took some explain and some bribing but finally the owner of the night club was far too curious to just let the two men walk away. He too needed to know what was going on, especially since, after a curse or two, he finally put on his glasses and realized who the two young men were. They were familiar and some of his best customers so he couldn’t just let them go without hearing them out.

Inside of the club, Akshay sighed as he rested back against the chair, rubbing his protruding stomach. It was such an unwieldy thing and yet he was so happy and proud of it at the same time. At least that is where his thoughts wanted to go but he slowly managed to wave such sentimentalities off. He couldn’t afford to think like this right now. Not when he needed to find out what was going on.

The club owner shook his head as he eyed Akshay.

“You’ve got to be ****ing me,” he muttered.

Jean sighed and shook his head, at the same time trying to be a respectful as possible. “No. Um, like we said, six times already, we’re not.”

The man eyed Jean closely before grunting a bit. Whether that was a grunt of anger or of disdain or simply of not caring, the man didn’t tell. Instead he turned his gaze back onto Akshay. They had both explained the whole story to him so far: of Akshay waking up pregnant, absolutely no knowledge of what he did last night, his disappearance from the club (the best that Jean could remember), everything that they could remember. So far the owner was silent about the matter, his eyes still resting on Akshay’s badly clothed stomach.

Finally Akshay just snapped his fingers.

“Hey, hey!” he said mildly irritable. “My face is up here.”

The club owner just shrugged with a slight grin. This really had to be the funniest thing that he had ever seen but he knew that it was torture to continue dragging this boys along. The man simply sighed as he leaned back in his care and sipped from a bottle of beer he had pulled from behind the counter.

“Yeah, I remember you.”

Akshay blinked in surprise. For a moment there he began to believe that the man had only invited them in so that he could gawk at Akshay’s pregnant stomach as if he were some sideshow freak. But, with the admission that the man remembered something, anything that either himself or Jean couldn’t remember, was a godsend. The wordsmith visibly slumped in gratitude. He was thankful for any and all knowledge that could hopefully lead to a reason and possibly a cure to this situation.

Taking a small sip from his class of ice water (which was FAR too cold if you asked him!), he moistened his lips and straightened himself up as best as he could.

“I don’t remember anything. All Jean can remember is partying with me here but other than that, I apparently disappeared,” Akshay explained. “Anything you can remember will be very helpful.”

The man sighed. It would have been the perfect opportunity to blackmail the two, maybe just get some money out of them for information. But it was obvious that Akshay and Jean were his two best customers. They were always there and nearly always were ready to buy rounds or tip the bartender just a little extra. He sighed at his good morality.

“I…didn’t see everything,” he said with a shrug. “You two were tearing up the dance floor, had the ladies squealing, a couple guys jealous. But I’m running the bar, I can’t see everything you know.”

“So…you’re saying you didn’t see anything after all?” Jean said with a defeated sigh.

“No, no,” he said. He then nodded to Akshay. “I saw you, leaving with some blonde.”

Akshay tilted his head. “A blonde?”

The man nodded. “Yeah and…ooooh yeah. You must have been born under a lucky star or something boy, she was a beauty. No idea what she saw in you.”

Akshay started to cry. Jean rolled his eyes and offered his friend a tissue. “Anything else?”

“Nope. I saw you chat with you, seemed like you two new one another, and then you left together. After that, I have no idea what happened.”

Akshay sighed and dabbed his eyes. His feelings were hurt by the man’s comments but at least he now had some information to go off of. He left with a blonde, huh? Well, didn’t THAT narrow down the field did it? Though it seemed like looking for a needle in a haystack, the idea that it might be someone he knew also rang in his head. Maybe that would narrow it down some? He knew Lexi but neither he nor Jean remember her from last night and she is a difficult one to forgot. So…who else could it be?

Akshay thrust his hand out to the man in thanks.

“Thank you. This…helps,” he said as he moved onto his two feet. He groaned as he stretched his now sore back. “Jean, let’s go. Maybe I should comb through my little black book.”

Jean grumbled as he held the back door open for the waddling Akshay. It was obvious that he was just a little less than pleased with the outcome of their investigation. They turned up some information, but to Jean it didn’t seem like much. Akshay, though, he thought it meant something. It had to, right? It was at least something that they didn’t know before. He left the club with something, a beautiful, blonde someone! How hard could it really be to narrow it down?

Well…he did date…a lot! He actually began to feel just a tiny bit bad about all the women that he did attempt to date and sleep with. What if he had hurt their feelings?! Tears began to well up again but he choked them down since he knew how uncomfortable it made Jean.

“Well that was a load of nothing,” Jean muttered as shut the door behind Akshay. “Where do we even start looking, Akshay? It could have been anyone.”

“No! The guy said it was a blonde and that I knew her.”

“Oh, god forbid this mystery woman didn’t wear a blonde wig. And do you really think that you can trust what this guy said?” Jean asked suspiciously. “You could have just been flirting with her and it could look like familiarity.”

Akshay shook his head. He didn’t like it when Jean was negative like this. It slowed them down and it really seemed to make the whole situation seem worse than it actually was. No, they found out something and he knew he should start looking. Saying nothing to Jean, Akshay stepped out of the alley with his friend. Casually he circled around a passing pedestrian and turned to yell at Jean to hurry up. But, before he could, he noticed the woman he had just passed, stop and glare at his friend.

“You!!” The woman snarled. Suddenly she lashed out with a punch, connecting into Jean’s jaw. “Where’s my ****ing car?!”

Akshay barely had time to register what was happening. Just as he was about to turn to Jean, a woman, thin and frail looking (but with murder in her eyes) snapped and lashed out at Jean. Her black as night hair was gelled up into a mohawk, while several piercings adorned her ears, nose, and lips. Though she was weak looking, she obviously proved to be anything but. Her fist collided with Jean’s chin and suddenly the man went down into a heap.

“Jean!” Akshay shouted as he attempted to hurry as fast as he could to his fallen friend’s side.

The woman, on the other hand, only turned her hateful eyes onto Akshay.

“You stay right there! I’m kicking your *** next!” she shouted. But as he eyes drifted lower, she tilted her gaze when she spied the obviously pregnant stomach that Akshay was now sporting. “What the **** happened to you?”

“I…don’t know?” Akshay cautioned to say.

She snarled and shook her head. She turned back to Jean and immediately kicked him the ribs. Jean gasped and fell over onto his back.

“Lady!! Stop kicking me!!” Jean shouted.

“Give me back my car! I know you and your stupid friend left with it last night!!”

Akshay perked up, his terror beginning to drop just a tad. He moved over to the scary woman, careful to remain out of kicking range, though, just in case. Hands up to show that he meant her no harm, Akshay attempted to speak as calmly as possible.

“Y-You…remember us?” Akshay asked. “We don’t remember what happened last night. Anything. Can you tell us what you remember?”

The woman rolled her eyes. And kicked Jean again.

“I came here to party with my friend last night. Next thing I know, you two ****weeds had skipped out and took my car with some blonde. I want it back!” she shouted and placed her boot on top of Jean’s hand and slowly added pressure. Jean gasped and writhed about but the woman didn’t let up. Instead she locked eyes with Akshay. “You have until tonight. Otherwise I’m doing a lot more than just kicking your butts.”

One more stomp and she stormed away.

“WHAT THE **** IS GOING ON?!” Jean asked as he sat behind the wheel of his car. With Akshay’s help, the wordsmith had managed to get him standing and lean on him until they got back to his vehicle. Once Jean was safely behind the wheel, Akshay checked the roadside emergency kit and dabbed at the scrapes, cuts, and bruises on Jean with an alcohol pad.

“Dude…” Akshay smirked then started to laugh. “She…kicked your ***!”

Jean rolled his he and slugged Akshay on the arm. The laughing wordsmith managed to dodge after the first blow and moved around to the passenger side of the vehicle. Slipping into the car ( with ome effort), Akshay sighed as he patted his stomach. A growl burst through and he groaned, holding onto his stomach. Jean turned and looked at him oddly, to which Akshay could only shrug a little innocently.

“You’ve GOT to be kidding me,” Jean grumbled. “I just got my butt handed to me and YOU’RE hungry?”

Akshay contemplated making Jean go grab lunch. But he had to admit, that he had a point. Maybe now just was not the best time. But still, what was there to do? They really didn’t have any other clues, except the facts that 1) they got smashed, 2) he left with a blonde (that Jean didn’t remember), and 3) they stole a car. He could comb through his little black book but if she was a one-nighter and he was drunk, he wouldn’t have written anything down. And there were no strange cars parked in his complex. No, there had to be something else.

He sighed as he fiddled around with his phone in his pocket. Idly he plucked it out and checked if he had messages when suddenly it rang.

Akshay jumped but managed to pick up the phone before the caller hung up.

“H-Hello?” he asked cautiously.

“Mr. Malik? This is Cheryl Dove with the South Impound Lot. Um…we’ve had a small problem with your car. Can you please see us at your earliest convenience?”

Akshay had jotted down the address and explained o Jean what the phone call was all about. The only thing that the two of them could do was stare at each other. They were really had no clue what was going on. They both knew that Akshay didn’t have or own a car. Therefore the only conclusion that they could make was that it had something to do with that person that had nearly killed Jean only a few moments ago. Seeing this as their best option, they decided that it was best to continue the investigation. Who knows! Maybe there will be something inside of it?

It was slow drive to the impound lot. Not because the address was overly complicated, but because Akshay forced Jean to stop a few times in order to get food. As much as Akshay wanted to fight it, the cravings for food were just too persistent. Thankfully, they did eventually make it.

Pulling up to the sidewalk in front of the impound lot, Akshay climbed out of the car and raised his gaze to the building. It didn’t look a single bit familiar. That was disappointing since Akshay had hoped that being here would spark some sort of memory, but he knew he was hoping for too much. He doubted that he, Jean, and the blonde actually came to this lot to drop off the car.

Still, though, he cautioned a glance to Jean.

“Anything familiar?”

Jean merely shook his head. “Nothing. Come on.”

Taking a deep breath and hoping that this was going to finally lead somewhere, the pair of them headed into the building…

It was sterile inside. The floors were cleaned to a polish, the walls were white and unadorned, and there was a smell in the air. A smell of despair and loss. Akshay wasn’t surprised that there was a smell. After all, this was place where people’s vehicles were taken away from them. The people who didn’t pay parking tickets, or left their cars abandoned too long, or were repossessed, they had to all trudge here into this den of rough rules in order to wait to get their car back.

How depressing. Then again, if they did all that then maybe they deserved it!

…

…whatever. Too much emotional flip-flopping.

Akshay sighed and stuck close to Jean as the pair of them traveled on through the hall, heading for one large waiting room. The people there were obviously a bit irritated at wasting their time in such a place but cars were obviously not something they could just leave behind. But god, the hoops that they had to jump through just to get them back. Akshay felt for them. Or the baby did.

He sighed as she moved his way towards the booth where the receptionist sat. On her desk, he saw the name plate that said “Cheryl Dove”.

Akshay stepped up to the booth with Jean at his said. He could feel the eyes of the people in the waiting room watching him and his overly large belly (or his colorful attire) and immediately he began to feel self-conscious. Casually he tried to maneuver himself so that Jean was blocking him but it was not overly successful. There was only so much that the overly thin man could protect him from.

“Can I help you?” Cheryl asked.

“Oh! Yes,” Akshay beamed as he strolled over to her. She was taken aback for a second by his appearance but said nothing. He was thankful for that. “Yeah, um, I got a call. My name is Akshay Malik an—“

“OH!” Cheryl looked a little uncomfortable. “Mr. Malik! Um, w-we had a small problem with your car an—“

“That’s fine,” Jean said with a nod. “You guys can keep it. We just need to make sure we didn’t leave anything in the back seat.”

“Ugh….yeah…there’s a problem with that…hold on…”

Akshay and Jean sat on the stoop outside the impound lot. They had just received some of the worst news so far. They had been given a chance, a glimpse at what could have been an answer to this whole mess. But in the end, like everything else so far, it turned out to be an absolute crock. Sitting on the hard, cool steps the sighed as they looked into the cardboard box that was sitting between them. The only things inside were the car keys and a purse.

“Who ever heard of misfiling paperwork that leads a car to be crushed into a cube?” Jean shouted. “Just…what is going on?! What the hell?!!”

Akshay said nothing but merely continued to rub his stomach. The pain was still there but at least it was gradually getting better, or so he hoped.

Shaking his head, though, he looked down into the box. The purse, a glaring pink number that was bejeweled and studded with a variety of rhinestones, was bright and hard on the eyes. But it was their last clue. Apparently it was the last and only time that was left inside the car before it was turned into a paper weight. That, and the car keys. Apparently Cheryl had misfiled some paperwork that condemned the car to an early death. Horrible situation.

“Just…calm down, bro,” Akshay sighed as he picked up the purse from the box. Idly he began to go through it. Sure it was someone else’s property, but hey, they just destroyed a car! What other shenanigans could they get into?

“Calm down? Akshay, you heard that chick! She’s going to slaughter[/b] me!” Jean shouted.

“Oh keep your panties on,” Akshay said with a roll of his eyes and began to rifle through the purse.

Jean stopped and tilted his head at Akshay. “Interesting choice of words!” He grumbled as he plopped down next to his friend.

Akshay merely shook his head. Holding up the purse, be continued to pull small things out, including make-up, loose change, a book, and finally, a wallet. He sighed as he pulled it out and peered at it. It was the same color as the purse with the same gaudy rhinestones. Whoever was the owner of this purse, it seemed as if they had some rather…bright tastes. Snapping open the wallet, Akshay took a breath and sighed.

There had to be something useful. There just had to be. Another deep breath and he flipped it open, looking inside. He blinked once, twice, then smiled.

“Jean…I think we finally found something…”