>>“Yeah... Yeah. I’m fine. I’m good. Are you all right?”

Hell no. I'm very far from all right.

"Yup" Gawain nodded, resting his elbow on the bar as he looked at her. It always had been very easy for him (and her) to talk to Twyla. She was just that kind of person. Easy to talk to, and fun.
At least until he went crazy enough to kiss her.

He waited for a couple of minutes, not really sure what would come next. Apparently Twyla, cheerful or not, was still very confused, and, well, tense. He was too. It was something new, he never really cared about random girls enough to feel embarrassed about stuff he did.
Well, there's gotta be a first for everything.
Who would've thought he'd get into trouble for not lying...

"Um..."

Look, Twyla, I shouldn't have...
It was not fair to...
I didn't think...
Maybe we should just...
Listen, I...

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
...
Who am I kidding, I'm not sorry at all.

Gawain swallowed and cleared his throat.
"So?... We can, um, go home if you want to."

Somehow his ‘yup’ seemed off. Then again, they were off. Or something else was off that Twyla couldn’t put her finger on. It was just off. They sat for a few minutes in silence that was both awkward and loud because of all the people in the club who obviously didn’t know that it would have been polite to shut up so a pair of kids could think. Twyla didn't want to break that silence,it kept everything else at bay. The next thing out of Gawain’s mouth was an ‘um’ that was followed after a few moments by his offering her the option of going home.

Was that what she was supposed to do? Go home, go to bed, pretend this had never happened? That didn’t seem right. She didn't know what was right, but she saw that path as ending in something neither of them wanted. Twyla wouldn’t let that happened. It was best to deal with whatever this was as soon as possible. With that in mind she replied. “Um, sure. I can’t think in here.” The noises of the club, which had been fun before were now turning into an annoyance. She stood up and offered her hand to Gawain so they wouldn’t get lost from each other on their way to the coat room.

Taking his hand would NOT be weird. Twyla told herself, promised herself. They were friends. It wasn’t weird for friends to hold hands in a crowd. The were friends with an elephant in the room, but they’d survive that. This was NOT going to break them. They’d talk on the bus and deal with their new-found issues. Everything was going to be just fine...eventually. Right?

>>“Um, sure. I can’t think in here.”

"Me neither let's go." Gawain nodded, and for the first time, there was a smile playing on his lips. Staying in the club was pointless now anyway; even though it would have been great do dance some more (with or without the stuff that would drive any healthy teenage guy crazy), Gawain doubted it would happen, so they might as well leave.

Twyla offered her hand and in the spirit of friendship (and also because the club was still annoyingly crowded) he took it. He led the way to the coat room, people bumping into them from left and right, but he had experience with this kind of stuff, and he managed to find the quickest way, and also the least painful one. Once they found their coats and other belongings (namely the backpack with Maya's clothes in it), they wove their way through the crowd once again, and finally managed to leave the club behind.

It was dark outside, and cold winter air hit them in the face. It was a welcome change, and a very refreshing one too. There were many people on the streets, going from one new year party to the other, or trying to find their way home in the wee hours of the morning. Gawain took a deep breath; the air smelled like snow. When he breathed out, he could see white puffs of smoke rising from his lips.

He started walking towards the bus stop, deliberately ignoring the fact that he was still holding Twyla's hand. The stop was a few corners away, and they were in no hurry to get home. If there was going to be talk, they might as well do it now.

"So..." he sighed, glancing down at her "Some new year's eve, huh?..."

She told him that she wanted to go. He agreed with her and smiled. The smile made everything more normal. Things were normal, one kiss aside. He took her hand like he(she) had done earlier when they were entering the club and they made their way through the party-hearty crowd back to the beginning and the coat room. They didn’t really talk as they put their coats on and Gawain retrieved his backpack. Twyla wrapped the red scarf from earlier around her neck before taking his hand again and leaving the club. It wasn’t weird, it was just the thing to do.

The cold night air was in complete contrast to the feeling in the club. It felt good, refreshing. Winter was Twyla’s favorite season. She loved the fact that she had to bundle up and she loved the way snow looked when it covered everything. Her brothers had sent her pictures of their farm after the first snow. She’d taped them up in her window to remind herself of frosty memories. Walking into the chill night brought back the good feelings of the pictures and the girl became more calm, cool, and collected.

Gawain started walking towards the bus stop, pulling her along with the hand neither of them had dropped. When he finally began to speak he sighed and looked down at her. “Yeah. It was much better than last year.” She smiled, a much more normal smile this time although her voice was softer than usual. She was speaking the truth though, last New Years she had spent searching all night for a good place to sleep. Had she been in Boston then? No, it was when she first was in New York City, before she came back again to stay. If her memory was right she hadn’t slept at all until she found enough quarters in the bottom of her backpack to get on a bus. Those were not good memories, she pushed them from her mind–she had some talking to do.

“Um,” Twyla bit her lip, nervous to ask the question she wanted to. Instead she reiterated things both of them knew, as if that would stimulate conversation. “We kissed.” ‘Kissed’ was the tiniest word imaginable, she was scared of it too. “And...I...” She bit her lip again. Taking a deep breath, Twyla steeled herself before she began to speak rather quickly. “I-was-wondering-what-that-was-supposed-to-mean. You know, to you and to me.” All of this was said in one breath, but there, she’d said it. Twyla looked at the street in front of her, deliberately not meeting Gawain’s eyes. She’d just jumped into the pile of awkward and she knew it. She’d done it on purpose, actually.

>>“Yeah. It was much better than last year.”

Gawain raised an eyebrow. "Yeah ya bet."
Most of the time in the past few years Mirror only noticed New Year's Eve because there were more people in the clubs, and fewer at home. It was also the time when even those wanted to party who had no idea about partyin', and everyone stayed two hours more that they should have, alcohol-wise.
Yes. This year was definitely better.

>>“Um. We kissed."
It was very quiet, almost inaudible. Gawain nodded. "Thaaat we did."
Hm. No 'you kissed me' or 'what happened...' or 'you-know-what'. We kissed. And theeere went the friggin' mutant butterflies again.
Interesting.
The knight waited politely to hear what came next.

>>"And...I... I-was-wondering-what-that-was-supposed-to-mean. You know, to you and to me.”

She didn't look at him. He did look at her. It was awkward, and weird, and other words people use in situations like this, but, since this particular situation included Twyla, it was also kind of cute.

"It's not rocket science, Bubblegum." he answered, a smile playing hide-and-seek again "I kissed you because I like you. That much."

Because 'I like you' sounded lame.
Gawain walked on with her, hand in hand, and after some thought in silence, he added.

"Listen, um... if you wanna ask... you know, anything, about Maya, and... stuff, it's okay. You can."

He tolerated her weirdness. He let her finish her thoughts before he threw any of his out there and he didn’t make fun of her for the way she stated the obvious. Not that she really thought he would, but that was always where her mind went: worst case scenario. This talking thing wasn’t as bad as it could have been. She was thankful she was talking with someone like Gawain, and not someone as shy as she used to be. Twyla could feel his eyes on her, so after she asked she turned to watch his response. ‘I kissed you because I like you. That much.’ Those words rang in her head, echoed, and danced around the inner reaches of her mind. ‘I like you.’ He likes her, hey Mickey! He likes her! She didn’t speak, just turned to face ahead again. The thoughts that had organized themselves when she took the first breath of cold air were now scattered, thrown off by a single sentence.

The logical part of her brain was almost at a loss, but it asked the rest of her: ‘And how does that make you feel, you goober?’ The rest of her answered promptly and gave a million different responses, most of them questions. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! But he’s Maya. Wait, when did this happen? I’m confused. He likes me. I kissed him too, that’s something. What’s going on? Why--

Just as he began to speak again she realized she hadn’t said anything out loud. She turned back to him when he said it was cool if she had any questions about Maya or anything like that. That was brave of him, and she noted it right away. His gender shifting was the most confusing thing about kissing him. Had Gawain been a boy all the time Twyla wouldn’t be so confused. She might be a little confused because they were supposedly just friends but beyond that it wouldn’t be hard for her to admit what was going on inside her head. If she admitted that she liked kissing Gawain did that mean she liked kissing Maya?

With her free hand Twyla tucked a stray curl behind her ear. Her own bravery was faltering a bit but she managed to choke out: “Do you like me enough to kiss me all of the time...or just times like this one?” She meant when he was Gawain. That was a big question and she was nervous to hear the answer to it. The bust stop was still a few corners away, not that Twyla noticed anything beyond her elevated heart rate and the pressure of Gawain’s hand around hers.

>>“Do you like me enough to kiss me all of the time...or just times like this one?”

There went the big question. He'd been expecting it in the last half an hour at least, although right after the kiss he didn't really believe he'd get the chance to talk at all. Now that he did, he was not sure it made things easier.
How to say it? There was always the easy answer, hell yes, but that was not exactly an explanation. She kind of deserved one. Problem is, the only one that found its was through Gawain's mess of thoughts and feelings was the one Daddy Rupert loved to repeat.
Pathetic little half-lesbian cross-dresser.
Oh, the love of a true anti-mutant father figure.
Shiny part is, it was a very correct summary of his situation. Except for the cross-dressing part. Gawain never wore Maya's clothes.
Right now, that was also not the point.

Focus, Gawain. Focus. Simple question.

Deep breath. Trying to sound as if it was completely normal to say something like this. Kind of hard talking over all that drumming.
"I like you enough to kiss you all of the time, Twyla."

There.

Gawain looked away, shaking his head at himself. This didn't exaclty sound...

"That doesn't really help my case, does it." he muttered with an apologetic half smile.

‘I like you enough to kiss you all of the time, Twyla.’ Sh*t She’d feared as much. Not that it really made a difference anyway....well, maybe it would have. They could have had a weird ‘friends’ one day ‘something elses’ the next type of thing, not that something like that made any more sense anyway. This time it was his turn to look away while shaking his head. He said the general idea of what she’d been thinking, and then she felt guilty for thinking it. She squeezed his hand and glanced at him while he was looking away.

Now what? What a good question to which Twyla Ashby really didn’t have an answer that made her happy. She’d just have to take a stab in the dark on this one--hopefully she didn’t hit anything important.

“Oh.” Twyla replied after a moment of silent walking. She started to bite her lip again but licked it instead. Back to restating things they already knew. “I kissed you back?” It was supposed to come out as a statement, but it ended up sounding like more of a question. The question in her voice was asking what she was avoiding, even in her own thoughts: Why did I kiss you back? What does that mean? Twyla knew she kissed him back, it felt like she did. She’d also pulled back fist. Both of those things meant something, but what?

The winter night was starting to catch up with her bare legs and she shivered as the icy drafts swirled around the already goose pimpled flesh of her calves. Her top half was warm, but her legs were cold. If she had looked up, Twyla would have seen that the clouds above her wanted to snow. She would have been excited and have hoped for the flakes to start before they made it to the bus. But she didn’t look up, and she missed the first glittering snowflakes falling as the clouds opened up.

He was right, it didn't help his case. Oh well. It was true. Naturally, he didn't see anything wrong with Maya kissing Twyla (or any girl in that matter), but he could imagine changing preferences did not come this easy to any normal person. Also, Bubblegum had her reputation to think about. He was not sure how many people knew about him being Maya... Koga, Juka, Rapunzel, maybe the wolf girl?... and even if people were very open-minded in the school, that didn't mean they wouldn't be weird around Twyla, and she didn't deserve that.

>>“Oh... I kissed you back?”

Gawain swallowed as fresh memories came flooding back.
"Yes you did."

Deep breath in. Snow. He smelled snow. Looking up at the sky, usually grey with colors of late fieworks and the usual NYC glow, he could tell he smelled it right. A few stray flakes were already on their glittering way.

"Can I ask why?" he looked at her again, and at the same time he noticed she was shivering "Damn, girl, ya're legs are gonna freeze off. Here" opening his backpack, he pulled out the jeans Maya had been wearing earlier "Put these on before ya catch a cold."

That dress was too short for comfort anyway. Not that he had any problems with that. Quite the opposite.

Here we go. The moment of truth. Disrupted by pants. Twyla liked pants, she preferred them when possible. Gawain handed her Maya’s jeans and she took them gratefully before giving them a doubtful glance. It seemed like Maya was not only taller, but skinner than herself. Eh, oh well. Freezing beggars could not freezing choosers be. She had to let go of his hand to attempt a strange looking hoping dance procedure that in theory would get her into the jeans without showing New York what was under her dress. After a few moments of frantic leg flailing Twyla managed to get her legs into the pants. She had been right, they were a little snug.

When she bent down to roll up the bottoms she noticed that it was snowing. Smiling she stood back up and did a little twirl, arms stretched out to catch the tiny flakes. The snow made her brave and when she stopped spinning, Twyla turned to Gawain and burst out: “I did it because it seemed right–like the situation called for a kiss. I did it because you’re cute and because the butterflies in my stomach told me to. I think they have a thing for you.” It took the girl a moment to realize what she’d said. And as soon as she did the legion of pink marched across her face. Oh my god.

Twyla stayed on the other side of the sidewalk and stared at her shoes as she walked. The logical part of her brain reprimanded her. Well you’re just making this that much more complicated, aren’t you? Now things are going to get weirder and harder for you. Really, Twyla? Really? “Thanks for the pants.” She mumbled softly, kicking a tiny clump of snow with her silver sneaker.

She accepted the pants. Well, at least she won't freeze to death before they get to the end of their conversation. That would just add to their huge series of awkward. Gawain watched with a half smile as she did her best to put the pants on and look dignified, most people couldn't possibly manage that, she couldn't either, but she looked adorable trying.
And then she noticed the snow.

Bubblegum was like a little girl. She was innocent, she was cheerful, she was totally random, she was scared of a lot of things, and she was more shy than anyone with her looks and personality should be. Twirling around and catching snowflakes, and forgettig about all the deadly serious stuff was so very much like her.
Gawain laughed.

>>“I did it because it seemed right–like the situation called for a kiss. I did it because you’re cute and because the butterflies in my stomach told me to. I think they have a thing for you.”

Whooops. He could see the moment on her face when the train of reality hit her, and she stopped, cheeks turning pink, and hung her head.
Again. So much like her.

>>“Thanks for the pants.”

The same train hit him too, with a force that knocked the air out of his lungs. Here it was, something that he thought he felt half an hour before when he kissed her, but back then, even with the dance, it was nothing like this. No butterflies. Butterflies were for beginners. They were gone, replaced by something that burned, deep, and hurt so good.
His heart was beating against his ribs like it was trying to break something, as the backpack dropped to the ground and Gawain took two very long steps to stop right before her. Finger and thumb found their way to her chin to tilt her face up, make her look at him.
It burns it burns it burns.

"Twyla, you are my best friend, and I wouldn't possibly make you do anything you don't want to do, I am both Gawain and Maya, yes, and I couldn't pretend I don't like you the same way in both, even if I wanted to, and it's everything but fair because you deserve something infintely better than what I am, and I know that, but right now, you are making me want to kiss you all over again."

It was the moment when you have your hand in the fire, right before the pain arrives to your brain.

The girl was lost in watching the snowflakes hit her shoes. It was funny how they landed and made dark wet spots that still sparkled under the street lights. She wasn’t sure why, but it made her want to laugh. It occurred to Twyla that she was probably going to ruin her new shoes if she wasn’t careful with where she stepped and then it also occurred to her that as she stared at her feet Gawain had been quite again. They’d both had their quiet moments since leaving the club. It was strange, usually they had a lot to talk about. Then again, they’d never had so much they wanted to avoid talking about until this early morning. Twyla knew she had a lot she’d rather side step, not that that would be easy considering what she’d just said.

Thud. She heard something drop onto the street but she didn’t think anything of it until suddenly Gawain was standing directly in front of her, his hand on her chin, pulling her face up to look at his. What he said next sent her insides swirling more (if possible) askew than they had been all night. What do you say to words like those?

Twyla’s mind had no idea, but her body had a pretty good grasp on a good response. Her heart sped off faster into the night and the heat that his hands always brought was back in full force on her face. She wanted to know what it would be like to kiss him again and he was making it hard to think about anything else. The logical sector of her brain was panicking with its indecision. On the one hand, Gawain was her friend and Gawain also went by Maya some days. Kissing him when she was this confused would put their friendship at risk. Was it already at risk anyway? Could they be normal again if they decided to forget this night? The logical part decided to ignore the implications of gender shifting in its calculations because of the sheer amount of variables. On the other hand, part of her really wanted to kiss him again. Part of her didn’t care about the complications and just wanted the pleasure of it–the experience. The part of her that she usually ignored wanted to jump in head first, even if it meant a fast burn out and major wounding later.

Neither option was perfect, so Twyla made a compromise. Leaning forward, she kissed him on the cheek before speaking into his ear. “We are best friends, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here.” She told him honestly, pulling back. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do or what the right thing for both of them was. She didn’t know when she lost the sureness of the bathroom mirror. She didn’t know a lot of things, but she did know that she had no idea what the heck she was doing so she might as well be honest about it.

Gawain held his breath as he watched her eyes change from confused to... more confused?
Yeah, figures. What were ya expectin'?
There was a long silence, and the burning feeling was getting worse. If she didn't answer for this long, that meant... what did it mean? Could it mean she was just surprised, or she didn't know how to tell him to back off, or was she... oh don't ya dare even think about that. Idiot.
When she leaned closer, the drumming in his chest stopped dead. A kiss burned his cheek.

>>“We are best friends, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here.”

Gawain let out the breath he'd been holding in a long sigh, and held her face in one hand, thumb caressing her cheek. His heart was beating again, definitely a plus, and he smiled at her, the smile was more than a bit shaky, but it was honest at least.

"You could say you'll think about it." he whispered, that was actually more than he could expect from all this, but she asked, so he answered. Looking at her for a long moment he finally chuckled and kissed her on the forehead.

"All right, Bubblegum, c'mon. Let's go home."

After she kissed him on the cheek he sighed. His thumb caressed her cheek but it was more of a comforting gesture, the heat had dulled to a warmth that just made her want to hug him. Then he smiled and she could relate to the shake in it, she’d smiled like that many times in the course of their evening. She smiled back and it was a normal smile. Things were cooling down and going back to some kind of normalcy.

She could think about it. Twyla was good at thinking about things. Especially over-thinking things. Thinking she could do, talking she needed too but not with Gawain. No, she needed a third party female and her brother. Somewhere between herself, Nate, and Henrietta she’d figure things out. Or at least she’d try. When he laughed the normal feeling increased and when his lips touched her forehead the coolness was solidified. Twyla was tired and her feet hurt, but the nervousness was gone. It had been replaced by something she didn’t have a name for, but it was a calm feeling that was probably brought on by her sudden exhaustion.

“I think I can do that.” She looked up and smiled at the boy again. Things we weird now, but after some sleep they’d look different. Maybe they’d look simpler after some rest. In any case, going home sounded about right. Looking down the street she saw the familiar hulking shape of a large automobile.

“Grab you bag, I think that’s our bus.” Grabbing his hand again, she prepared herself to run after their ride, assuming he’d run with her. Not that he got a choice in the matter.