What a day. Tarin was uncharacteristically silent and morose as he and Lee walked down the street that led to their apartment. They had pizza and a movie, something that would have made Tarin almost giddy with anticipation in the past, but wasn't really doing a thing to interest him at this point, other then the fact that he knew his body needed food after the long day of work it had had.

Despite the fact that he knew he was hungry, Tarin's stomach protested the thought of the pizza. He was sick, he'd been sick all day. Sick of the thought, and the smell, and the reality of what had happened in the shop. The table was ruined, the crystal ball was shattered, the bookshelf and about a quarter of the books were torn beyond repair. Another quarter of books were soaked in blood, his blood, and couldn't be saved either. It was a bullshit situation to say the least.

As they walked, Tarin brooded, wondering just how long it was going to be until one of these things actually managed to kill him. He was a ticking time bomb, not only to everyone else in his life, but to himself. It was like knowing you had a huge leaking blood vessel in your brain that could burst at any time.

Tarin didn't share any of this with Lee, he'd done nothing but lean on her since she'd come back to him. Something he was still amazed about if he was honest with himself. With all the baggage and everything else, he'd have just stayed away.

They were close to home now, but Tarin's mood didn't lighten. The next day would just bring a trip to the store or more deliberation on the check sitting on their kitchen table. The million dollar check sitting on their kitchen table.

They opened the correct doors and made their way upstairs, sitting the food and movies on the table, and Tarin removed his jacket, hung it up, and went to sit on the couch.

Staring at the TV, Tarin couldn't even remember what movie they'd brought home to watch. It didn't matter anyway.

It had been a long, long long day. A very long day of cleaning up the shop, yet they still weren't done. Even when they did finish, there was still the fact that the table, crystal ball, and book case[/i] were no more.

The good news was that the mess involved far less blood than the previous one he had cleaned up in the apartment. The bad news was, it had had far more time to dry, making it that much more difficult to actually clean.

Finally, though, they had to stop, despite the fact that it was far from being finished. So as they cleaned themselves up to leave, Lee suggested stopping for some pizza and a movie. Tarin hadn't sounded overly enthusiastic about the idea, but he hadn't argued against it, either. In fact, Tarin hadn't said much of anything while they had been cleaning or making their way to the video store.

So Lee had frowned as they made their way through the shelves of movies, but again, Tarin wasn't saying much, so Lee had simply grabbed one of the chick flicks they had missed catching in theatres, grabbed Tarin's hand in her other, and kept them moving.

After a quick stop at the pizza place, they were making their way the last couple blocks back to the apartment, up the stairs, and inside, still with nothing being said.

Once they were home, Lee watched Tarin as she took her shoes off. He seemed to be simply going through the motions, setting the food and movies on the table, hanging his coat up, and making his way to the couch. Taking a deep breath, Lee let it out with a sigh as she locked the door behind them and made her way to the couch. Sitting beside Tarin sideways, her legs crossed, she reached her hand out to clasp his.

"Alright, hon," she said softly, giving his hand a squeeze. "I know it was hard, but what's wrong?"

Lee notice, just like Lee noticed everything. Especially when something was wrong. Tarin just looked at her for a few minutes, then down at his hand, his hand that was held in hers.

It had been hard, yeah, it was always hard. It was hard every singled damn time that this happened. Tarin's jaw clenched and then he sighed, shoulders slumping as he leaned further back into the couch.

"I just don't know what to do anymore Lee. I know I should just be happy that everything is okay...and even happier because that doctor healed me...but I'm sitting in there cleaning everything up and it's just the same thing that's been happening over and over."

Tarin turned his head away from Lee, unable to look at her as he spoke, "You always worry what you're doing to people around you Lee. I always hurt people. I kill people...and whether it's me or not, that's the intention behind my actions. It happens over, and over, and over."

Tarin stared at the TV, which was still off and shook his head, "I'm not even safe for myself. You leave me alone and things just fall apart on or around my head." Tarin's head dropped, "Maybe you should have just stayed in Canada...It's just a matter of time until I kill one of us."

Lee watched as Tarin looked at her slowly, then dropped his gaze to look at their hands. And then he leaned back against the couch, still not looking at her.

Yes, he had had a bad day, bad couple of days. Worse than she had thought before he had started speaking. But then he continued, and Lee's expression grew harder. "You do not always hurt people," she told him, her tone very matter of fact. "I'm the one who's always taking people's energy. Always. Every moment.

"Yes, people have been hurt," Lee continued, her voice not as harsh as it had been, though she was still very certain about what she was saying. "But it wasn't you, and it definitely isn't always, Tarin."

Tarin's head then dropped again, and Lee let go of his hand, reaching out with both of hers, touching his cheeks, turning his face to look at her whether he wanted to or not.

"That is not going to happen, Tarin," Lee whispered at his comment that he was going to end up killing one of them, though her certainty was gone from her voice. And then she frowned, a worry line creasing right between her eyebrows. "Why, did you want me to leave?" came the last question, the fear and worry creeping in.

Tarin didn't lift his eyes from the TV as Lee started to speak, but he shook his head all the same at the words coming out of her mouth. "But Lee...especially now...you don't hurt anyone with your powers..you don't understand..."

"If I wasn't around how many more people would be alive right now? Not just those poor women from the last time...but Lee, it's been happening for years. I ruin lives."

The words were flowing freely now, all the self-loathing from the past few months flowing from him in a flood that he couldn't even hope to stop.

Lee let go of his hand and Tarin wrapped his arms around his abdomen, trying to make the sick feeling he had go away. It didn't work. Feeling Lee's hand on his cheek made him flinch slightly, jerk away, but her other hand was there and almost involuntarily he turned his eyes back to hers.

Lee spoke again and Tarin looked back at her steadily for a few moments, then slowly his arms moved, his hands resting lightly on Lee's wrists as she held his face. "God no Lee...I want you to stay more than anything."

"That's the worst part. You say it won't happen, but what if it does? I'm so scared Lee...what if...if whatever it was that did that to the shop comes back...what if you're there? I know you're strong Lee, but that was absolutely uncanny. I just don't want to hurt people anymore. Especially you."

Lee blinked when she felt Tarin flinch away from her touch. What the hell was that? She wondered, almost pulling her hands back unconsciously. Tarin never pulled away from her. In fact, it was normally him wanting more contact than she was comfortable with herself.

Tarin was really going through a rough time.

Rather than pulling her hands back, which had been her first instinct when she felt Tarin flinch, Lee rubbed her thumbs across Tarin's cheeks as she held his face. "Then don't tell me I should have stayed," Lee whispered before biting her lip. "With how long I fought with myself about coming back, just...don't. Please."

Then Tarin got to the root of his problem, the fear that he didn't want to ever hurt any one again, didn't want to risk hurting or killing her again. "I'm scared too, Tarin," Lee admitted, her voice barely audible. "But what can we really do, not be together because of that fear? We've tried that, twice. It didn't work. If you know of something else we can actually do, tell me, cause I can't think of anything."

Lee's face was still troubled, but she didn't move her hands. In fact, they started moving and Tarin let his eyes close slightly and he leaned his face into her hands. It felt so good. Tarin was so caught up in everything he didn't think about how long it had been since she'd touched him like this.

Lee was speaking again and Tarin let his hands slide up her arms as he listened to what she said, really listened. Tarin sighed and looked away again, not moving his head out of Lee's hands but not looking her in the eyes.

"I'm just worried Lee. I know you are too...but I won't let my fears run away with my mouth again. I want you here, with me as long as you want to be."

Lee went on to talk about ideas then, ideas about how to make things better. Tarin shrugged slightly, "I don't know Lee. I might as well be a time bomb. I know you keep saying that awful, horrible things aren't going to happen...and for some reason you want to stay with me...but they do happen...and you've seen them happen around me. I just want you to know...and believe me."

Tarin sighed then, and took a deep breath, "That pizza is probably getting cold...and we didn't rent that movie just to leave it sitting. Do you want to get the food or start the movie?"

He wasn't looking at her any more, but at least Tarin was leaning into her hands now. That was much better than flinching away. And then Lee had a somewhat troubling thought, on top of everything else that was going on: yes, she had been getting better recently, but was that how it had felt like for him every time she had flinched away from his touch since she'd come back to New York?

"Always," Lee whispered in response to Tarin's comment. "I'm here now, I'm not going to want to go any where without you."

Hearing Tarin continue, Lee's eyes slipped closed as well. Not that it really mattered much, since he wouldn't see it. "You do realize I've had many more hours to think about all that stuff than you, right?" Lee asked after a few moments of silence, referring to the days she tended to be awake after his merges. "And I decided a long time ago that being with you was worth the risk, whether you like that fact or not."

Taking a deep breath herself, Lee opened her eyes and looked at Tarin once more when he brought up their dinner that was currently getting cold sitting on the dinning room table. "How 'bout you grab plates and drinks while I grab the pizza and movie?" Lee asked in return. Before getting up, though, she pulled his face toward her using her hands still on his cheeks, and softly pressed her lips against his.

"I'll have the movie in by the time you get back." She continued after she pulled back.

She was bound and determined to stick with him, and Tarin couldn't help but smile a little when she said that she wasn't going to go anywhere unless he was with her.

She seemed to take everything he said in stride and Tarin shook his head slightly in Lee's hands while she told him that she'd had plenty of time to think about the fact that he could be dangerous for her. Lee swore she didn't care, and Tarin decided that would have to be good enough for him. If he wanted her around...which he did in such an unequivocal way that it almost made him uncomfortable.

Lee suggested that he get the plates and drinks while she set up the movie and Tarin nodded slightly, getting ready to get up, but Lee didn't let go of his face. Instead she leaned in and kissed him, softly, but it was still a kiss...a kiss that Tarin was still leaning into when Lee moved away.

Letting his hands drop to the couch, Tarin took a deep breath and shook his head before rising and busying himself with the task Lee had set. By the time he'd gotten two cokes and the plates, the pizza was on the floor in front of the couch and the movie was starting, just like Lee had said it would be.

Handing her a coke, then sitting down and grabbing a piece of pizza, Tarin tried to shake off the lingering discomfort that was trying to stick around regardless of his resolution to push the negativity away.

Tarin turned his attention to the movie, not wanting to miss anything as he realized it was something he'd wanted to see, but had nobody to go with when Lee was gone. The pizza was good, the movie was good, and Lee wanted to stay around. Good, good, good. He was going to focus on the positive. At least for now.

As she made her way to the dinning room table, Lee was biting her lip. Tarin was almost as bad today as he had been after the last merge. Definitely not quite as bad, but still...And things had just started getting back to normal, from both of their ends.

Grabbing the pizza box and movie, Lee returned to the living room to see that Tarin wasn't there; she heard him moving around in the kitchen grabbing stuff like she had suggested. Setting the pizza down in front of the couch so it'd be within reach during the movie, Lee popped the DVD in and set everything up for the movie.

Lee was just sitting down, remote in hand to start the movie, when Tarin came back. Hitting play once Tarin was sitting, Lee cracked her pop and grabbed a slice of pizza before leaning back against Tarin.

Lee had finished her third slice, slowly munching while paying attention to the movie, before she turned her head and glanced at Tarin with a small smile. "See?" She asked. "This is nice, isn't it? You're not always hurting someone." That said, and having finished eating, Lee pulled her legs up onto the couch beside her and snuggled against Tarin.

The movie really was pretty good, Tarin decided 20 minutes later as he finished his fourth slice of pizza, completing the almost total demolition of the pie as a whole. Lee was leaning against him and it felt good, natural. Tarin finished his Coke and wrapped his right arm around her as she finished her pizza.

The movie was good, but Lee was far more interesting and as she spoke, Tarin found his attention leave the screen of the TV in front of him and turn to her. Her words, however, didn't make him quite as happy as the physical proximity or the ease of interaction the strange start to the movie night had brought.

Tarin sighed and chuckled lowly as Lee pointed out that he wasn't
always hurting people. "I'm sure I'll make up for it tenfold at some point." he said morbidly. He might be able to deal with
it, to push the fear away, but the knowledge was always going to be there.

There was a couple on the movie and they were planning a huge wedding. A wedding that Tarin knew would end up cancelled from the previews, the question was whether or not they would end up together in the end, whether or not they belonged together. Tarin wrinkled his nose slightly, he hadn't remembered it being that kind of chick flick. It hit too close to home. It was a romantic comedy though, and they were keeping things light, so it wasn't too
depressing.

As the movie went on, Tarin wrapped his arm tighter around Lee and allowed the other one to join it now, holding her close, the fingers of one hand moving slowly up and down her arm.

"Do you think they'll end up together forever?" Tarin asked after
a while, wondering if he was really asking about the movie.

Not long after she had finished her pizza, Lee felt Tarin's arm wrapping around her. Despite the comfortable snuggling, though, his words were back to the depressed thoughts of before the movie.

"We'll deal with it then," Lee responded, her voice growing quiet as she turned back toward the movie. "And I won't let you hurt me."

Snuggling even closer against Tarin, her head leaning on his shoulder, Lee watched the movie in silence. Before long, she felt his other arm wrap around her as well, his hand running lightly up and down her arm. And continued to sit there in silence even after he asked his next question.

"Them?" Lee finally asked, glancing up at Tarin for a moment before her eyes moved back to the TV. "Nah. It's a Hollywood type relationship. They'll probably pop out a few kids and then get divorced in five years. Ten tops."

"Fair enough." Tarin said softly, then bit back the reply trying to escape his lips when Lee said she wouldn't let him hurt her. Lee wasn't thinking though, wasn't thinking about the fact that he had already hurt her, more than once when he'd merged, or when things had happened. What was going to stop it from happening again? Tarin didn't say any of that though, just thought it as he idly watched the movie.

Lee didn't respond for a long time after he asked her about the couple in the movie. Her answer made him frown and smile by different turns. Was she talking about the movie? She had to be. There's no way Lee would so flippantly talk about their relationship. Tarin allowed himself a small laugh at Lee's summation of the couple's future together. "Pop out a couple of kids? " he said, eyebrow raised, "You're probably right..and they'll probably name them Rice Crispy and Fruit Loop."

Tarin smiled, and lowered his head, leaning his chin against Lee's head, "I've missed this." He said softly, only slightly afraid that mentioning the obvious would break the spell and Lee would go back to being more distant. "When we're like this I actually believe that everything could be okay."

Though he didn't really say anything about her not letting him hurt her, Lee knew there were other thoughts there. She could hear them in his voice as he said those two small, short words. But at least at that point in time, Tarin wasn't pressing the issue any further, and Lee was glad for that. That wouldn't exactly make for a great movie night.

But when she heard Tarin's laugh about the movie couple popping out a couple kids, Lee grinned. That was better, getting more to the normal sort of thing for them.

Which, Tarin seemed to appreciate as well. "I've missed this too," she replied in a whisper. He continued, though, and Lee pulled away from his arms slightly, turning on the couch so that rather than being curled up beside her, Lee's legs were now laying across Tarin's lap as she sat there looking at him.

"Of course we're going to be ok," Lee told Tarin, a look of almost slight confusion crossing her face. "I'm back, and we're together, so of course things are going to be ok..."

Tarin grinned, a real grin, the first one of the night when Lee commented that she had missed what they were doing too. A moment later she was shifting though, and Tarin sat still, watching what she would do.

Lee shifted and her legs were in his lap. She was looking at him now, not the movie and Tarin couldn't help but turn his body toward her too. The phrase 'moth to a flame' definitely wasn't far off.

Lee was confused though, Tarin could see it clearly written on her features, then she spoke and Tarin just looked at her for a moment, a sad little smile on his face while he debated internally.

Did he tell Lee? Did he tell her how it was tearing him up inside to watch her act like everything was fine? Did he tell her the things he knew would make her think he was going back on his word that he would wait forever if he had to. He just shook his head slowly.

"There were just so many times I didn't think we would ever be like this again. Sometimes it's hard to believe everything is alright. That's all...and with all the bad it's all so overwhelming at times."