It was a heckuva way to start the day. One second, you're walking down the street on a nice, calm morning, next thing you know, a dirty guy in a poncho knocks you on the back of the head with an honest to goodness sap, ties you in an almost comical 50's villain fashion, gags you, and throws you in a van.

Such would be the case for a certain unfortunate, but also highly fortunate hollywood director Akshay Malik. As the shutter door of the not at all conspicuous white van with no windows slammed shut, and the poncho wearer hopped into the passenger seat, Akshay might notice the small girl on the other side of the bare bones back area of the van. She was hard to miss, sitting there in a Lolita Dress, Also tied up in a similar fashion. Wait, did she look... bored? She rolled her eyes as the passenger started to speak, his New York accent tinged with some sort of stupid. "Seen who I got jus' now? Lookit, man, I got me that frickin hollywood guy. You know, the one from the movies." He laughed as the other guy looked back as he drove off, clearly barely paying attention to the road. "Oh, yeah, That's the indian one what made all the superhero flicks! Ohh, man, we hit the jackpot!"

He looked back to the road in time to swerve and barely avoid a parked car in front of them. The little girl rolled around in the back, a blank look in her eyes as her head thumped loudly against the metal sides of the back, and she shuffled to sit up again, unaffected by the nasty bump. She looked at the man in the cab with her, and then to the men in the front. They were gawking about how rich they were going to be.

Ellalouise was largely unconcerned... These guys were idiots. She would find a way out.... They'd prepared better this time, though, with the gags. She had to give them credit. She started scooting her way toward her fellow captive, the bored look being replaced by a focused one as she inched her way toward him like, well, an inch worm, working against her tight bindings. 

So...Akshay wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting when he returned to New York. Don’t get it twisted, he wasn’t imagining that it was going to be some perfect utopia or that it would be any safer than it was when he left. But admittedly, a kidnapping was least likely on his list of shit he was going to have to contend with today. And yet, here he was, in the back of a dark van, bound and bouncing about. Sigh, what a life.

When they first caught him walking down the street, Akshay panicked. He had thought, however unlikely that it was, that Chrysanthemum sent them. When he had been kidnapped by her, it was clear that she had access to some amazing wealth. The highrise condo, the works of art, the food, the clothing, the devices of torture, all of it was a testament to the amount of wealth that she possessed. It wouldn’t have been beyond her to have a gang of mercenaries collecting people for her.

But Akshay didn’t have to wait long for them to reveal that they weren’t such a group and Chrys had nothing to do with this. They were thugs. Just thugs who happened to get extremely lucky. They apparently had no idea who he was when they picked him up, just figured he would be a bystander in a nice suit to hold for ransom. But it didn’t take long for one of them to realize that he was more than just a suit and a nice watch -- he was Hollywood.

He rolled his eyes as they bragged back and forth and then set his gaze on the other newcomer, a young girl. He shook his head. There was no reason to pick her up. If anything they had it made with him. Why bring her into this? It was just greedy.

They continued to go on about the prize that he was so he turned to the young lady who was inchworming over to him. He had yet to introduce himself, namely because this was a completely screwed up situation. Were introductions truly required? Well, maybe. if they wanted to thwart their attackers, it would be best to work together. Best way to do that was with a kind greeting.

Keeping his voice low, he spoke to her. ”Hello,” he said with a slight dip of his head, struggling against his tied hands. ”I see New York hasn’t changed much since I was last here.”

As she inched, the, huh, pretty handsome actually, man spoke up, and she looked up at her mid-inch worm, and blinked a few times, eyes expressing a terse reaction to his quip. She needed this gag off. His hands were in a knot. 

She made it to him, and sat up the best she could, "Mmfff mffm mf." Nope... Not gonna make that work.  Wait, they'd tied the knot toward the front of her mouth! If someone could pull on the end... 

Good idea! Oh. Bit of a stretch, though, his hands were bound up pretty well... Almost comically so. His mouth wasn't, though. She sighed, and tried to make a 'please, please bear with me' sort of face, before starting to inch worm up him, slowly aiming to get his mouth close to hers. You know, so he could undo the knot.... With his... Mouth.

Yep. 

Their captors were busy blabbing up front and... were they putting on the Bohemian Rhapsody? Oh god, they were going to rock out. Great.

Admittedly, this was a new one. Akshay had yet to be kidnapped off the street. He had been in a hostage situation before. He had even been threatened and held against his will by a beautiful sadist (he involuntarily shuddered), but to just be nabbed off the street? That was an item he could cross off his bucket list. Now he was really ready to be done with the whole thing. First he needed to figure a way out of here.

Well, not just him. As his gaze swept over to the other side of the van, he found that there was another victim along side him. A young girl, by the looks of it. Great. Well he couldn’t just very well escape on his own, could he? Nope it was apparent that he was stuck here until he could come up with some solution for the both of them.

Of course this is exactly the kind of thing that famous friends and colleagues had warned him about in Hollywood. There’s always someone out there who wants to make a quick buck by kidnapping the wealthy. They always warned him to have at least one bodyguard on retainer, advice that he should have taken more seriously.

But he could figure a way out of this. He could just pay them off (not like he couldn’t afford) but that is opening a door that would be far harder to close. If he were seen as nothing more than an easily accessible ATM, then what was their incentive for letting either of them go? No, escape was the only viable option for the both of them.

He shot off a joking remark to the other, just an attempt to lighten up the situation so she wasn’t so scared. Poor thing. How old was she? Why would they kidnap her? Maybe she was the child of some rich tycoon. Shameful.

”Don’t worry,” he said trying to calm her nerves (maybe his own too). ”They won’t hurt us. just gotta figure a wa--hey, hey, WHOA!!”

The whole time she had been inchworming closer and closer to them. Then, with almost felony-like grace she propped up on him, her mouth close to his. Recoiled, unsure of what was happening, until he saw the look in her eyes, and the downward glance. The knot. The knot! Ooooh! Phew. He breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. He understood but he still needed to be ginger about this.

Leaning forward he bit the knot that wrapped around her mouth and began to pull backwards. It only took a few tugs but the knot was finally being undone.

There were some small complications, like the fact that the driver was terrible at his job, so she found herself thrown from him once or twice before having to snake back on. She glared through the little grated porthole at Larry and Moe. @#$holes. Still, while not full proof, things were looking up!

Operation 'not as illegal as you think it is' was actually going off without a hitch! One tug, two tug, three, aaaand~

"Pleh, pleh... Ugh... Finally, that was a huge pain in the ass..." She looked up at the man, who she was still all over. A bit of redness formed on her cheeks, and she sat back, speaking in her sweet little voice. "Thank you, uh, for that. I'm actually 35, so, you know, nothing about that was weird. Aside from the circumstance. That was weird. Um... Hands?" She scooted down him once more, placing her head near his lap in order to get at the loops on his hands and tug at them from the bottom. 

If they both worked on it, they might be able to get done before they got to the head-rocking part of he Queen classic.

Success! He had managed to undo the gag that had been tied into the young girl’s mouth. As she spat it out, there was a bump in the road which caused her to fall against him, sending them both sprawling onto their backs. Akshay looked down to see the young girl peering at him, blush, and then immediately climb off (well, as best she could).

She put distance between the two of them, sitting back and offering her thanks for his assistance. He nodded as she explained that she was actually 35. Admittedly his stared at her with a bit of disbelief but thought about it a bit harder. This was New York. Mutants were everywhere with all kinds of abilities. Certainly this was no different.

”Yeah,” he said with a slight chuckle, offering an glance to the grate and the pair of morons driving on the other side. ”Nothing weird at all.”

Really, how did he get himself into these situations? He never really considered himself that wealthy or famous. Who pays attention to writers / directors who aren’t big names? But nope, here he was, kidnapped, his hands bound, with a little girl who was actually a thirty year-old mutant. Fabulous.

At her proclamation, he turned back, looked at her hands and nodded as he twisted to show that his own were also completely bound. She shuffled against him again, this time her head near his lap as she attempted to reach around to pull at the loops that bound his hands. She may be 35 but the awkward was still fairly prevalent. At least he could console himself with the understanding that they were the victims here.

”So…” he said, trying to strike up a conversation. ”...what’s a girl like you doing in a kidnapping like this?”

He struggled his wrists, trying to find some leeway or give in the bindings. If he could just get enough room to get out a hand he could summon a way to free them both. Oh well, until that opportunity arose, he would focus on some light conversation, at least find out why she was here.

You know, things were actually going pretty well, considering how terrible things were going. Sure, she was getting kidnapped for the third time in a year, but she was meeting new people, right? Silver linings. 

Their Team work was working to a reasonable extent. She'd settled her head into his lap facing up to get a better angle on the rope, and was finally making progress when he started talking. Hmm... He was the type to fill empty air, huh? She didn't mind. She didn't get to talk to too many people, and his relatively quick acceptance of her age had earned him plenty of brownie points. She tugged sharply a few times, and blinked as he finished his question, his upside down head looming over her from their awkward position.

Was he... Flirting? That almost sounded like a pick up line. She sniffled. "Would... You believe this is a regular thing for me? I come from money, and I fit in most potato sacks." she shrugged and dug in again. Her eyebrows perked up as she tugged once and a loop came undone, loosening his hands enough to where he might be able to get them loose. 

"What are you doing here, then? They don't grab just anybody."

Akshay thought back to what he had just said. In his attempt to break the ice (this was only his second kidnapping after all) he had tried to be humorous. Instead his comment came out a little more inappropriate than what he meant it to. So as soon as he said it, deep in the back of his mind, the only thing he could think was: God, I hope she doesn’t think I was flirting. He was being awkward, not flirty! Why do people confuse the two?

He shook back to reality as they hit a bump in the road. His eyes moved around the interior of the vehicle, trying to plot a way out. The young girl (or woman trapped in a young girl’s body) explained that this was an average day for her. Wealthy, small, and easily portable, it was a state of being that she was getting used to. Despite their dire situation, that made him smile and chuckle, flashing his pearly whites.

”That’s both tragic and incredibly funny,” he grinned. There was another tug on his bonds and suddenly things felt looser. He breathed a sigh of relief as she moved back, allowing him some wiggle room to stretch and bend, moving those old dance muscles again. Finally he popped a wrist free, then the next and he pulled the ropes off his person. ”Ugh, thank you, you beautiful person,” he breathed in satisfaction at having his mobility return.

The question was turned back to him. As he helped her to sit up, Akshay inspected the ropes. The knots were smaller, tighter together, and more complicated. Made sense. She was a young child. They could easily escape from thicker ropes. It hardly seemed like he would be able to just untie her unless he had the time. They clearly didn’t.

He positioned behind her as he spoke. ”Oh, you know, usual reasons…” he explained. ”...see a guy walking down the street in armani and wearing a Bolovo watch and everyone things you’re the 1%.” He snorted. ”Though in reality I’m more in the top 20%. Hollywood writer and producer. Didn’t realize who I was until I was already in the van.”

He gave the ropes another experimental tug before he shook his head. He was going to have to cut her free.

”Okay, so, I’m also a mutant and...I need you to be still.” He turned his head to the side as he whispered, thin and softly. ”Sharp Knife.”

That familiar tingle pulled at the back of his head. He looked up and there was the word, forming in the air. A simple “KNIFE” hung there, but the edges looked sharp and thing. Carefully he reached up, wrapping his fingers around any spot that seemed safe. Then, bringing the word down, he held up the young girl’s bonds and began to slice through them slowly.

”The name is Akshay, by the way,” he said. ”Akshay Malik. Pleasure to be kidnapped with you.”

Despite herself, the grumpy little girl of a woman found herself smiling back at Akshay's comment and grin. She then turned beat red and looked away when she called him beautiful. My gosh, he was really coming on strong! She turned away for a second to hide the blushing and sniffled. Immediately she smacked her head hard into the metal walling of the van when they went over a bump and swerved, and turned back totally unharmed. 

"Ahem, thank you." Sniffle. It looked like he was pretty absorbed in being freed, so maybe he missed some of that? Anyway! 

She nodded, her eyes widening a bit. "Wow, so, you're sort of famous, then?" She turned to the side to give him access to the knots, and tilted her head a bit as he announced he was a mutant. Wow, what were the odds? He then summoned a word from thin air. A sharp knife. 

"Wow... That is... Really useful. So, you can make the word and control it's properties with adjectives? Neat." Sniffle. "Don't worry about cutting me. I'm completely invulnerable in every way." She nodded, and even moved into the knife as he began to cut to give him more leverage. 

"EllaLouise Gartner. Honestly, I'm gonna say this was the highlight of my day." There was a sudden loosening sensation as her bonds gave way. Soon she was completely free, and standing before him, poking at the new cuts in the side of her dress with a flat expression on her face. Sad day. She liked her little blue dress. It seemed like every time these tools kidnapped her she lost another one. Oh well. 

"So... The last time I opened the back door and dove out while it was moving. I was with a girl I could cover with my body. You are... uhm... Bigger than me, so I don't think that would work. Do you have a solution?"

Akshay didn’t always like unveiling his powers to others. They were so odd and he wasn’t the proudest of them. He often lamented that he didn’t get powers that were more interesting. The kind that would help him to rip over the back of his van and fly off with the young girl next to him into the safety of the open sky. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case and he could make words. Great, he had the powers of WordArt. What a jip.

But even Akshay could understand the necessity of using all their available skills to get out of these. There was no point in holding back when this could be the meaning of life and death. So after he introduced himself he whispered to his captive friend that he was also a mutant and that she needed to be careful so that he didn’t accidentally cut her.

The “knife” formed into the open air and he very carefully plucked it before it fell and sliced one of them. With that he began to cut her bonds.

”Eh, I’m only somewhat famous,” he replied, cutting through the rope. ”My name has been in the credits of a couple of big superhero movies but I’m not a ‘recognized on the street’ famous person.” He paused, glanced at the front of the van where the drivers were and shrugged. ”At least I didn’t think so.” He chuckled.

He didn’t say much when she started to marvel over his abilities. He honestly wished he were as excited about them as she was. At least they were proving to be useful right now. A whistle did leave his lips when she stated that he didn’t need to worry about her, she was impervious to harm.

”Talk about useful,” he said, starting on the last rope. ”Would do a body good to not get hurt…” as he said that last part, he sliced through the last string and sighed. Perfect. Now they were both free -- and he knew her name! ”Ah, Miss Gartner,” he greeted with a slight bow of his head. ”Happy to have freed you.”

Now they had one more thing that they needed to do...they needed to get out of here. He listened as EllaLouise explained that the last time this happened she just jumped out of the back and was able to walk away scot free. That was nice. However, between the two of them, she was the invulnerable one. Considering her size, there was no way that she was going to keep him safe from injury. That maybe a risk they would have to take.

He shrugged his shoulders. ”Well, we can at least get you out here, right?” he asked her. ”If you can jump out the back, they can just take me. I can find my own way out,” he said with a reassuring smile. ”If anything, when we stop, I can just hit them with a word and run off. These things do pack a wallop.”

A rare, small smile appeared on her face as she listened to him explain his level of fame. "Sounds sort of famous to me." It was worth noting that she didn't do the usual thing people did when they were cut free after being tied up for hours. No testing the wrists, or stretching stiff muscles. All of her concern was for her dress.

It was a loss. 

That same sardonic expression appeared on her face again as he praised her ability. "Not too much good, considering it trapped me like this." She referred to herself as a whole. A 12 year old. Forever. She gave a curtsy, however, when he bowed. What a gentleman! "Happy to be free."

Her look went from slightly bored to incredulous when he suggested her leaving without him. "Please, I'm not even in danger, and you'll have better odds with me here. We wait for them to stop, and then we beat them up." She grinned devilishly. "I owe these guys, anyway. Besides." She walked to the side of the bumpy wagon, picking up a discarded baseball bat. 

"They were dumb enough to keep the bat they keep clubbing me with back here. I can help. We just... have to get their attention somehow? Get them to stop?"

Akshay didn’t say anything when EllaLouise mentioned the current drawback of her abilities. It sucked that her powers had such a terrible side effect. She was completely invulnerable and yet she was trapped in the body of a young child. He couldn’t even fathom what that could mean for her. It was one of those things that you had to experience to truly understand. So Akshay kept his mouth shut and focused on freeing her from her bonds.

It was a simple cut. The “knife” did it’s job. Once she was free he turned his attention to what their next step was. Valiantly he wanted to get her out of here first. Though she was only a twelve year-old in body, he still felt that need to get her out of here first. It was a sense of justice that had initially made him want to be a vigilante back when he was living in New York before. And though such heroic dreams have passed, there are still certain values he holds himself to.

But, seemingly, EllaLouise scoffed at that idea. After all, why run away when they could just beat the tar out of their kidnappers. Akshay stared at her for a couple minutes before he grinned and chuckled heartily. Damn, she really must have gone through his bull one too many times. In all fairness he wasn’t looking forward to the notion of taking them both on himself. And as much as he didn’t want a kid to have to do something like that, he needed to keep reminding himself that she wasn’t a kid, not really.

He glanced back to the wall where the cab was. He turned to the back doors. He then looked to her and nodded his head. After chewing on the inside of his lip for a second, he nodded.

”Alright. I think we can catch them off guard with a tried and true classic.” He then grinned. ”I’ll call out that you stopped breathing or something and when they come investigate, we we’ll take ‘em out. Sound good?”

He came up with a master plan, standing here, chewing on the inside of his lip. Oh @#$%, he was adorable wasn't he? @#$%! No crushing. No! Bad L! Besides, he wasn't Devon, after all. He was just a smart, clever Hollywood writer with a sense of honor and a need to say witty and dubiously flirtatious things. 

Sniffle. Right, the plan. Wow, what a tropey sort of plan. No one would fall for something like that, right? You'd have to be a complete idio- Oh. Yeah, it was gonna work. "sounds good."

Moments later she was as close to tied up as she could be with the rope they had left after the cutting, laying on the floor looking as dead as she possibly could, which was easy because she didn't actually need to blink or breathe. 

It was dangerous, but then again it wasn’t as if the guys who were driving this hunk of junk were actually any kind of intelligent. They didn’t even know who he was until partially through the kidnapping. Idiots. Whatever the case, he needed to focus on getting them out of here. EllaLouise seemed like she had been through this one time too many so it was no wonder she just wanted to get out the quickest way possible.

So he offered a plan. A very simple one. One the likes of which had been seen many times before in some of the most basic movie and television show plots. Anyone else may not have fallen for it, but for Akshay, he had a feeling that these guys weren’t the brightest bulbs in the drawer.

Therefore, a simple plan should be sufficient. Again, he wasn’t expecting this to be difficult. If the girl couldn’t be hurt and he had the element of surprise, it should go without a hitch. At least...he crossed his fingers that it would. He wasn’t bulletproof and neither were his conjured words. They were going to have one shot so they had to make it count.

With the plan agreed one, he watched her get into the same position, giving her the appearance of being tied up. He did the same with his ropes, just wrapping them lightly around his wrists. Once he was set, he turned and kicked firmly against the wall of the cab. When the guys grunted and told him to calm down, he shouted at them from his side.

”It’s serious!” he said, sounding panicked. It wasn’t all that surprising that he was a good actor. He spent years dressed in cosplay, playing characters, then with all the movies he’s directed, he’s picked up a few tricks. He was believable if anything. So he kicked again, his voice frantic. ”T-The girl! She stopped breathing! I can’t check her! You gotta help! HEEELLLPPP!!!”

He then scrunched back down, holding his hands behind his back. He would summon a word at the right time, but right now, he needed to appear captured. Speaking of, he remembered his mouth gag. With a sigh he grabbed it and tied it loosely around his neck so he made it look like he had managed to loosen it himself. And, like that, lying on his side across from L, he waited. God he hoped this worked.

Believe it or not, L had a lot of practice looking really dead. She used to jump off of buildings for fun and freak people out, so laying there, eyes wide open and splayed out perfectly still, she was a perfect moniker of a dead girl. 

One might not even notice she was laying on top of a baseball bat, though everything in the back of the cab was so tossed around and beat up that even if they did, they probably wouldn't think much of it. Also, these guys didn't seem to think much in the first place. After Akshay yelled out, there was a stream of curses, a little scuffle as the men blamed each other for her apparent demise, and then the open and slam shut of doors as the two men exited the vehicle, and walked around back. 

The two back doors opened to reveal their spot in a dark alleyway, traffic zooming past the crack at the end of the spot between two large buildings. 

"Awww, crap, She seemed so tough! You were too damn rough, Arny! @#$%!" The taller, skinnier of the two crawled into the back to check on her while the other one growled and climbed in toward Akshay to check his bonds, pausing to turn toward the other guy as he was accused. "ME!? You were the one drivin! Drive like a @#$%in animal!"  With that he turned fully away from the Hollywood eliteish to point at the other man in an accusatory manor.