Cafas jumped at the unexpected patting, finally "finding" the spoon as his own view disappeared. It got to go directly to the dishwasher, being unused. He returned to his breakfast, finding it had seemingly grown in his absence. He felt his stomach sigh with resignation. Still, it wasn't gonna eat itself. He popped another mouthful in. Still hot thankfully. The new addition had provided some insulation it seemed. "I can promise together if you can. Boring might be tricky. I'm pretty exciting." Nom nom nom. He left the long well enough alone. It was probably the biggest ask on the list.

Maybe West Coast. They seem safer.

>>"Have you ever considered... .maybe about adoption? Rowan, I mean."

The hesitation was interesting. Cafas swallowed his mouthful and admired the delightful view in his kitchen. "You mean today? Not yet." He kept eating perfectly casually, but his heart had jumped a couple dozen beats per minute, "But ever?" He swallowed, "Most days, around the time someone offers me coffee." Actually it had come before the consideration of marrying Maya, which he was fairly sure came with a whole bunch of the same rights and responsibilities. It had seemed the more realistic option, much as he hated to admit it. "Problem is, I couldn't adopt him with you." He'd done the research, painstaking hours at a computer that chaffed at his restless nature.

Okay, well, we're here now, may as well actually talk about it. Didn't spend all that time to stand here like a moron not explaining myself.

"Not in New York, anyway. So, I think we could easily argue that Sebastian gave up parental rights by abandonment, and by failing to make himself known to any agency for more than six months." The latter was more tricky, but in tandem with the first it was, far as he could tell, a sure bet. "So I'd only need your consent to adopt him, though citizenship makes that weird, I have a green card, but you know, it's all tricky legal stuff. But I'm a resident of New York so I think I'm covered." His breakfast hung rather forgotten in his hand, "But you'd have to give up your parental rights; Which you don't want to do, and I don't want you to do." He'd tried pretty hard to find away around it, but the wording of the statutes seemed pretty clear, and the lawyers he'd asked seemed pretty confident too. "See, if we lived in Vermont this would be different, but in New York, the way this all works out is that I can't adopt Ro unless... Well unless you're my spouse, legally speaking. Which uh, brings us back to that difficult question from last night."

Cafas shifted uncomfortably. He felt very exposed, and not just because he was naked and maintaining a conversation with Maya all thinly veiled. It had been at least in part his reasoning for asking in the first place, though the excitement at the prospect of a life together had certainly been what forced the issue. He really didn't want Maya to cry again. Their morning had been going so well.

Maya was glad to have something to do with her hands. She always thought better while moving and was able to be more honest with herself and her feelings if she didn't have the pressure of someone else looking on. The coffee things weren't dusty, but they were scattered and she had to take a moment to re-read the back of the bag of beans. How many tablespoons? Where was the grinder? And the sugar? Nobody had needed that in a long while. At least the cream was safely housed in the fridge.

She was quiet, probably too quiet, as Cafas explained their situation. Tricky legal stuff. Maybe they should move to Vermont. They might both live longer.

So they circled back around to getting married.

Maya ran the grinder without turning around. She was trying to give herself the room to think. Except thinking in her head was sort of excluding Cafas in this vulnerable moment. She set down the grinder gently with a sigh.

"I don't not want to marry you. I just... I get this roaring panic. Maybe-- no, definitely I rushed into things last time. You're not him. This isn't the same. Heck, I'm not the same. I know these things in my head." It just wasn't always up to the logical parts of a person to decide these things.

Maya fought with the grinder for a moment until she got the lid off and could resume making coffee. Big heaping tablespoons went into the french press.

"You've seen Benadryl Cabbagepatch and his now ex-wife. Everyone thought they were going to make it. I mean they had a kid and 10 years under their belts. They beat the curse of Hollywood, until they didn't." The empty tablespoon went spinning across the countertop after she chucked it toward the sink. It just fell short of the goal. Cafas could deny it all he wanted. His day job made him a part of the Hollywood culture and she did her best not to feel insecure about all the things that came with that.

"I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore." She poured the no-longer-boiling water in and set the lid after a few misfires. "I'm not scared of you. I'm just... scared. Everything's working like this, isn't it?" She'd only just gotten him back...

And then a terrible question she'd never thought to ask reared it's ugly head. Was this enough? She was the one wanting to push for more, wasn't she? Trying to let it be legal and official that Cafas was more of a father to Rowan than Sebastian ever had been, despite what story his DNA told. She was sure the people at the Mansion would do everything in their power to make Cafas Rowan's guardian even if they never got him adopted. Or maybe she could put it in her will.

But it was more than just that. It was the idea that, officially, he would claim Ro. Was she willing to marry Cafas for Rowan? Yeah. And that was a problem. Cafas deserved a partner. "I don't think I know what a healthy marriage looks like."

Reality was just a real son of an expletive some days. He'd been happy enough to drop the subject of marriage. It really wasn't that important to him as a ceremony. Rowan was important to him though. More than he'd ever expected going in, all jittery nerves about their first meeting. It seemed a little ridiculous in hindsight, but perhaps it had been a sign of how important it would all come to be to him.

Still should have gotten him something.

It was therefore intensely frustrating that NYC law was against them, and emotionally difficult to reconcile all their wishes and hopes against each other under the circumstances. Cafas sighed, forcing himself to keep eating despite having lost his appetite. It wasn't happening. He set the plate down and crossed the kitchen tentatively. He reached out an uncertain hand, hovering a moment a tiny inch from touching before he took the plunge and placed it lightly on Maya's waist. He stepped in and wrapped her in a delicate hug.

"I don't know either. I don't know how the hell it's meant to work. I don't know what the deal with Hollywood is. I assume it's a time spent apart thing." He shrugged, it certainly seemed to be something, "I know you're scared, and it makes sense you would be, no matter what your head says." Because heads were far more easily confused than hearts, though those weren't exactly foolproof. "I also know we've been working really well, this particular minefield aside." Because that certainly wasn't going ideally, "Last night, I was excited and I wasn't really thinking, and it just happened. We talked about it, I agreed then, and I agree now, we don't need to be married to love each other, and it really isn't hugely important." He sighed, because the next bit was the uncomfortable bit.

If you've screwed up what we had, mate, we're never finding its equal... God you're an idiot, with your stupid mouth.

"Unless... Unless we want to make things official with Rowan. Or if something happens, and we need to make medical or legal decisions. Or if a will gets contested." He sighed, his head drooping so that the bridge of his nose was resting against Maya's head. His hug went almost limp and he forced back tears of frustration at the situation. Maybe they should just move to Vermont for a few years.

He muttered a choice four letter word, mostly to himself, and some of those tears slipped through his defences. "I love you, both of you, and Abby too. You guys mean more than the world to me. You all deserve to feel safe and happy. It's just super complicated, and I don't know what the right answer is." Maybe there wasn't one? There so often wasn't. It chaffed at his sense of justice, but there it was.

"But I'd rather you said no if you're uncertain. It's easier to rectify that one. If something happens, I'll fight tooth and nail to keep my son."

He came, cautious at first blush and then comfortable like a snuggie. The moment may have been tense, but Maya's automatic response was to melt, to feel safe, to want more. She put her cheek on the swell of a pectoral and wrapped her one free arm around his side. That's what he got for pulling her in sideways.

> "I assume it's a time spent apart thing."

That sure didn't bode well considering Cafas' recent absence. It wouldn't be his last, either. She felt her mouth twist at Cafas' pretty words. He understood. He always understood. He was a reasonable human mutant with a good head on his shoulders and more than enough heart to go around. He knew she was scared, but there was a 'but' coming.

For Rowan and for Cafas, Maya would always put aside what she wanted. It was stupid to be digging in her heels, but she wasn't sure how else to be sure that she wasn't retreading the same path and remaking the same mistakes, now with a vulnerable child in tow.

And a vulnerable man. She felt something hit her hair and pulled herself out of the chin tuck.

She could see the regret twisting his features. He wished he hadn't said anything. He didn't have to, but Maya realized that he'd done research. He'd thought about it. She sure as heck hadn't done the research and she'd had a hell of a lot more time. Maya slipped her hands on either side of his face.

"I am so stupid." She was so glad that he was here, that he wanted her, that he cared enough about her to put the brakes on what he wanted and what was best for all of them. She'd shut him down too fast last time. They didn't say anything, she'd just said no. "Cafas, this isn't a no. This is... just... baby steps?"

Her hands on his face in that moment shrunk his whole universe down. It just all faded away into an unacknowledged background until she was all that was left. Then she had the audacity to go and insult his girlfriend? He frowned his displeasure, but held his tongue. He knew a set up when he heard one. She had not heard the last of it though.

>>"Cafas, this isn't a no. This is... just... baby steps?"

His smile almost certainly gave away the effort it took him not to cry, strangely formed as his body tried to process the overwhelming emotional swings he was getting. "I think that was last night actually," He chuckled, the sound strained by his tight throat. "Baby steps is good. Baby steps makes sense. Baby steps." He nodded tiny happy nods, some life reentering his arms. His hands slid to her hips, his smile spreading a bit more naturally, then coming down hard into a grumpy frown. "Also, don't call yourself stupid. You're not, and if you are, what the hell does that make me?" Cafas was fairly convinced he didn't come up to Maya's knee in intellectual height. "Don't answer that." He gave a firm nod, and went back to smiling

He started dimly being aware of the world around them again, and immediately missed the moment they had just left. He leaned down and kissed her, all love, no lust. Fifteen percent lust max. He'd concede twenty five. She just did that to him, and it had been a long few months in empty beds. The intent was the important bit though. How his hand ended up under the shirt on her back was anyone's guess. "Okay, we should talk about what baby steps is, but later. There's a boy I've been missing nearly as much as his mother. I want to see him before school, and we need to have breakfast, coffee, and a shower still."