She let out a weird lazy huff-chuckle. "Yeah, I suppose you could say that I will be." She wasn't exactly sure how yet, but hey.

"I haven't gotten all of the details figured out yet. I have to be able to get back up to the school to get the supplies I would need, and well that kinda depends on everyone else's schedules now." Her appetite vanished again, and with it her inclination to eat. She gave up on trying to force more of the stuff into her stomach.

"My current professors are all aware of my situation, " ...some of it, "so I at least have a grace period before I have to get things all figured out."

The school had been advised. That was good. Sometimes pretty extreme extensions and leniencies could be granted in the right circumstances. She had certainly extended the deadline of a few assessments based on her situation while she was experiencing some… repercussions. Something about throwing up on her exam about supporting a caesarean operation.

“That’s good that they’ll be flexible for you,” she smiled, “my situation was a bit different to yours from the sound of things, I called things off with my ex, broke both my arms and lost a pregnancy all in the same week. If there’s one piece of advice I would give above all else is: let other people help you. All I wanted to do was push people away and not talk about it, but once I started letting people in was when the real healing started to happen.” She shrugged a little abashed to share so much with a stranger. “For me, at least.”

The fact that the three misfortunes happened to all be woven into one particular incident did not need to be shared from the blue. The girl was already dealing with enough.

Oof, that was... tough. It didn't matter how she currently felt, or what she had really gone through, Zinnia's short briefing about what she had been subjected to still earned all of Shelby's empathy. Her gaze softened, and she frowned. "...I.. I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

She didn't quite know how to talk about that. She had never been very good at the whole 'connecting with people' thing. She could feel empathy toward them, hell even share their pain sometimes, but that was about as far as she had ever gotten. She wasn't too good with words, or hugging. Never knew what was appropriate in which situation.

"I'll try." Was all she could offer right at first. "It's tough, because I've never been the type to talk about things happening to me, you know? Sh%t hits the fan and I just deal with it. I don't want to put what i'm going through on someone else... stupid, I know."

She sighed, plopping her chin in a hand on the table. "I've always struggled with anxiety and depression, so it's not really new. This time is just so..." Well, she didn't know if she had the words to express how bad the situation was. It just was.

"...bad. It's the first time in my life I've really felt entirely helpless."

"...I.. I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

Sometimes she was too, but surprisingly often she wasn’t. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and all that jazz. It would be nice not to have the nightmares though. She wasn’t so naive to think she had forgiven him, she was sure she never would. But she had forgiven herself for being in that situation and mostly moved on. She was even happy to hold other people’s babies, eager even.

Maybe one day she would be strong enough to try again. Or maybe not, seeing as how she was dating a female prawn-person. They could always adopt or foster though. She put that thought away in a ‘later’ box. It was definitely too early in the relationship to be thinking such things.

Shelby promised to try to let others in. But the thought of doing so seemed so overwhelming that she had to draw strength from the cool tabletop. Zinn patted her back briefly as she delivered the ingredients back to their homes.

“I can’t even imagine. You aren’t helpless though, you’ve got yourself to a safe place, and you‘re following all the right steps in regards to the police and the counselling. Really, all things considered you’re doing remarkably well.”

Stress was a sneaky bastard, always slipping in and whispering in your ear that you weren’t doing enough, trying enough, that you weren’t enough. It was like finding a cockroach in your kitchen, you thought everything was clean, then that one little bug made you question every time you ever mopped. Freaking cockroaches.

“You said you’re relying on people to accompany you, I know we’re pretty much strangers but you can always shoot me a text if you find yourself stuck somewhere and I can try and help out. I’m generally out and about whenever I’m not at work.”

She smiled. That had been pretty darn reassuring. At least something she was doing was correct, even if not all of it was. "Thank you."

The she recalled the fact that her phone had been confiscated as evidence and she chuckled. "I will definitely take you up on that offer once I have a phone again. Mine unfortunately got snagged as evidence. Currently phone-less."

That was one of the things on her steadily growing list of things to buy, which she would need to find time to take care of soon. If she was going to try and survive on selling paintings alone, she would need an easily accessible way to take commissions and keep track of buyers.

"Thank you, though, Zinnia. Really." She smiled, a real smile and fixed her glasses again. "I'm glad you helped me... I totally would have just shut down if you hadn't. I feel... a little better."

Was that a smile? Success! Sometimes just turning away from despair for a short time could give the energy to keep on keeping on. She was pleased to have had some little influence on that.

“Ouch, phoneless, that sucks.”

She retrieved a business card from her handbag and placed it on the table in front of Shelby, it had her contact details on it, both phone and email. It was neater than scrawling on a napkin whenever she needed to give someone her number.

“I’m glad that I saw you painting, it really looks like it will be a lovely piece. Glad to help a little with the feeling side of things as well. Hold tight ‘till you see the professional, you’ll pull through.”

She surveyed the girl, she seemed to be less on the brink of despair now, and Zinn felt it was safe enough to turn to other topics.

“Where did you get your hair done, by the way? It’s really cool.”

She had dabbled with the idea of maybe adding some fun colours to her hair, but she suspected clip-ins were the only way to get the colour to stick to her natural hair.

Nodding mutely in response, she silently promised that she would. She needed to do this right. She didn't want to drag it out any longer and cause herself any more stress.

"Oh, this?" She tucked the business card into her bag, and motioned at her hair. "I did this myself. Couldn't really afford to get it done by a professional when the roots started to grow out, so I got decent at fixing it myself." She wondered what she looked like right then. Were said roots already growing out? Was the ginger showing through? Suddenly self conscious, she shifted in her seat. "I tend to get bored with it and change the color really often. It's either a dye job, or a haircut... and i'be been trying to grow it out for the last year or so."

It was shoulder length, or a little longer, and she was proud of it. Around year two she'd gone and gotten a trim and ended up with hair much shorted than she'd intended. "I just grab a box of pink from the closest drugstore, they usually come with bleach for the roots, and dye it all back into submission." She'd been thinking about going blue, or purple next, but had gotten side tracked by life before she could invest in the thought.

"I'm no expert, but if you ever want to add a little color in i'd be willing to help." She grinned a little, twirling a pink bang strand between her fingers. Jen had wanted her to help her dye her hair vibrant green before the end of the year.

'Go out with a bang', she'd said, 'end the year in style'. Shelby didn't allow the pain that thought caused her to show. She just buried it under a smile.

She’d done it herself, which was super cool. Zinnia was suitably impressed. Her own hair-related skills included straightening and ponytail. That was about it.

“That would be amazing! I’ve never been brave enough to just waltz in and go ‘hit me with your rainbow’, but I could see me doing it with a friend.”

It was then just the walking out afterwards that would be the bravery test. Well, that and not being too matchy-matchy with a certain rainbow prawn.

“Actually… do you have anything on for the rest of today? Because I don’t know how long this brave moment will last.”

Rip it off like a bandaid and get it done. The thrill of the thought made her feel like a little kid, sneaking in to her Mom’s make up. If Shelby was allowed to leave the mansion accompanied well, she may just have to accompany her down to said drugstore for supplies. Then she could show Jac her hair and cry ‘supplies!’

She had no idea how long the process might take.

Plans? Like go out and get hairstyle plans? Like a puppy her ears perked. It had been a few days since she had last stepped outside the school grounds. Was she even allowed to leave without an officer of some sort? Did a nurse who was staffed at the school count?

"Erm..." She pondered the possibilities quickly. If they just ran out real quick to the nearest place and grabbed it, what could be the harm? "Sure, why not. I can finish the painting later tonight. Kinda lost muse for the moment anyhow." Reaching down to grab her things, she stood from her stool. "Mind if I take my things with?"

She smiled, and waited.

Nothing quite like a spontaneous hair change. She was actually feeling excited. Shelby gathered up her things and was ready to go. Zinnia delivered their dishes to the sink (surely in a place this big with this many kids they had cleaning staff) and sent a quick text to Jac, then she was ready too.

“No problems for me! Bus ok for you, or would you prefer a cab?”

Sometimes the smallest little things could be a trip-up for someone who was suffering.

“I should probably buy a hairbrush as well. I lost mine and have been borrowing my Mom’s.”

An embarrassing statement of fact that, not only was she currently living with her parents, but couldn’t even keep track of a hairbrush. She knew exactly where it was- on the edge of the sink where she stayed while on placement. Or perhaps by now it had found its way to the bin.

“What colour do you think?”

She wanted all the colours! Which made it tricky to choose one in particular. Perhaps she needed to see all the little hair swatchies to make her choice.

"Ugh, Bus please." Her face scrunched up as she shouldered her bag. "Cab drivers give me serious anxiety."

"We can find most things as Mel's. It's a little corner store type business scattered around. I get the dye there, and I know most of the bus routes to get there." In fact, she knew where quite a few of those stores were. She'd had to stop and pick up dye from various places based on convenience. "They should have brushes and all of the other things we will need." She paused to check and make sure her wallet was in her bag. Thankfully it was.

"Do you have a favorite color?" She smiled, "When I first started messing with dye, I picked my favorite color at the time and just dyed the very tips of my hair." She let Zinnia lead them as she talked, taking her time to inspect the other woman. "I figured that if I really ended up hating it, I could just cut it off."

Even at that age she had been toeing the 'normal' line though. Zinnia looked for all intents and purposes a mature, regular woman. She didn't have a billion tattoos or piercings, and her hair was an average length and cut. "I would probably do a panel," She lifted a hand to point to where those would go, "which a lot of people usually do in front on either side, or the ends." She lifted some of her hair, separating the top from bottom. "Oooor, you could do a hidden color. I'm not as good with putting those in on myself, cuz they involve a lot of separating hair. But I'm sure I could effectively hide some color in there. Then, when you want to you can have it show, other wise your hair just looks normal.

She giggled, "Heck, you could even do a rainbow if you wanted too. Those have been popular lately."

Bus it was. Her bus pass was tucked in the front pocket of her bag and with the dishes cleared away they were ready to go. She led the way to the gates and the bus stop. The thought that they were leaving the safety she had been professing just moments ago never crossed her mind. They were going to look awesome! Favourite colour awesome!

“I’ve always liked electric blue, but lately…” She trailed off. Her preference had somewhat shifted to a certain hard, shelllike range of hues. And lavender, lavender eyes was a pretty colour.

They could do tips, or panels or secrets oh my! The possibilities were endless. She confidently led them to the gates, and beyond to the bus stop. Shelby suggested rainbow and Zinnia trained her eyes on her.

“Are you a mind reader?”

A question only half-serious. Shelby wasn’t a mutant (or was she, and the double identity was actually a triple indentity?!), so that was just silly. The hidden panels of multicolour was an enticing prospect though, and she proclaimed such.

“I love the secret rainbow!”

It would mean they would have to buy a box of every colour, but while she was at home instead of renting she had enough unassigned paycheck that that was not an issue.

Laughing, Shelby dug her own bus pass out as well. "Maybe i am, but only when it comes to frivolous things?" She could imagine that. "What type of coffee do I want?" She mimicked a different voice, then pressed two fingers to her temple and squinted. "Hmmm... White chocolate Mocha, two shots, half caf. No whip." Then a fake gasp. Perfect.

"It's settled then. We get a spectrum of color for yourself, and i'll grab my pink and we'll make a day of it." She did wonder though, what Zinnia might have been doing before she stumped upon her.

"What about all of those cookies, though? Were they for Jack?"

She could see a bus approaching in the distance, and prepped herself to board.

…She could totally go for another coffee, now that she mentioned it. Her need for caffeine was endless. Sometimes her dad joked that if it wasn’t for all the coffee she would be as pale as him.

“Coffee is the best!”

Today was a day filled with ‘the best’ things. Shelby drew her attention to the basket still hooked on her elbow and she eyed it… Hmm, the cookie conundrum. Briefly she considered hiding the basket in the bushes near the fence but decided against it because a. ants and b. students. She would just have to carry it about and attempt not to eat all the contents.

The bus arrived and she shepherded the pink one on and to an empty section of seats. It was not too busy on the bus, which suited her just fine, and probably best to keep the little shell shielded from to many people. Who knows what might set her off?

“The cookies’ll keep. I’d say I’ll make her more but I have such a terrible track record in the kitchen, I pretty much murder anything I try to cook.”

For anyone else it would be such an innocent, self-deprecating joke.

She heartily agreed. Or, well, normally did. If coffee was involved now it would probably end up being black and sugarless.... bleh. She shuffled herself into a seat with Zinnia's request and set her bag in her lap, with the little fold up easel tucked between her knees.

This was kinda nice, if she didn't say so herself. Normal. Like this was just another day ushering herself back and forth from school to work, or work to school. Like she would be home soon and Jen--

She shuddered, suppressing another sudden anxiety attack. It was the little thoughts like those that really threw her off. Made her stomach turn and a light sweat always broke out on her skin. She comforted herself by hugging her bag to her stomach and smiling through the anguish at Zinnia.

“The cookies’ll keep. I’d say I’ll make her more but I have such a terrible track record in the kitchen, I pretty much murder anything I try to cook.”

Guuugrrrle... and then she immediately leaned over and lost the small meal she had eaten into the cookie basket. Mostly because it was the closest container and she didn't relish throwing up all over the floor of public transportation.

The food that had just barely settled was easily ejected at the mere mention of murdering and cooking in the same sentence. It didn't help that she had already been thinking about her roommate. People who were aware enough to notice wisely got up and moved to different seats further away from them, while Shelby gripped a hand over her mouth and stared, horrified at Zinnia.

"...I'm so sorry... Tears pricked her eyes. She started deep breathing like Zin had shown, before another full blown attack struck her.