Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
06:00:02am
Akshay groaned when the sound of his alarm began to blare in the early morning hour. He hated having to get up so early but he knew that it was a necessity. Today was going to be such a hellish day at the comic shop that he needed to get up early to set everything up. Promotional day; that was today. And while he loved those types of day before, today was just not going to serve him well. It was supposed to be a marathon of selling, of skits, and of whimsy. Really not at all the type of thing that he was looking forward to for once.

But, with a sigh, Akshay climbed out of bed, tossed aside his covers, and stepped onto the warm, carpeted floor at his feet. Just sitting there, though, Akshay’s head lulled to the side. He was so tired and sleepy. None of it was a good sign. He slept too hard.

“Ugh,” he grumbled. “I knew I shouldn’t have watched that Heroes marathon last night.”

Sighing, he just sat there, slumped, trying to find the will the move again. He knew eventually it would come, but maybe if he just laid down for another second or two, that would motivate him to do so? Seemed logical enough, right?

His head hitting the pillow again, Akshay smiled a bit happily. Yes. This was a good feeling. He liked this very mu—Zzzzzzzzz…..

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
07:00:12am
Oh…my…gaawwwwwwwd!!! Akshay was a whirlwind as soon as he got up from bed. He had fallen asleep for so long! He was only supposed to be in bed for another couple of minutes but he ended up drifting off to sleep yet again! With a cry and a yelp upon seeing his alarm clock, Akshay bolted out of bed and ran into his shower. He needed to be down at the comic store in less than 15 minutes! The only way he was going to achieve this was if he just kept running!

Dashing into the shower, Akshay squealed like a girl when he realized that he had never turned on the hot tap to let the water warm up. Instead, standing there, naked, Akshay was bombarded with steams of icy water that poured down over his body and left him shivering and cringing, and momentarily a girl! But, in the end, he managed to get the water to warm up just enough for him to finish his shower without freezing to death. But that was only phase one of what he needed to accomplish today.

Towel around his waist, Akshay dashed around his entire apartment, tossing clothes aside, pulling out a costume that he would wear today, as well as grabbing a pair of toaster pastries to eat cold along the way to work. God, so early in the morning, and Akshay was already in hell. That couldn’t bode well for the rest of the day, could it?

Slipping into a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt, Akshay slipped on his jacket, tucked his costume under his arm, and ran for the door with half a pastry in his mouth. Five minutes! Five minutes to get to work on his ducati! He had to make it, he did!

Once outside of his door, Akshay slammed it shut, turning the lock and started to bound down the stairs. It was only when he was about halfway down that he reached up to wipe some nervous sweat from his brow. But instead of sweat…white, foamy bubbles?

… He didn’t wash the shampoo out of his hair…

Fuuuuuuu!!!

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
08:00:45am
Eventually he did make it to work! He was a little late but his frazzled look seem stir the sympathy of his co-workers that were there today. Rebecca was sweet as always and Lexi was a condescending b**** as always, but they all seemed to understand that he was sorry. Akshay hated to let down his staff, especially since he was the one who ran this comic store now. He didn’t want them lose faith him.

But, as Lexi so encouragingly put it, “how can you lose faith where there was never one?”

…he made a remind her to fire her at some point in his life.

Thankfully, Akshay wasn’t too late. He had just enough time to slip into the back, washing drying shampoo out of his hair and slip on his The Martian costume. He needed some help with the mask and painting on the green, but luckily Lexi was a fast body artist. It seemed like it only took seconds for him to finally be ready before he stepped out into his comic shop, deep blue cape swirling about his body. His red contacts gave him a creepier air for anyone who looked at him directly in the eyes. It was the exact effect that he was looking for.

He smiled, he beamed, he charmed, and he prayed that the rest of the day would go well…

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
09:00:11am
Not too bad! The day was going by rather quickly! What, it had to be maybe 12pm by now right? But a glance at the clock only showed that indeed it was just another slow day. Damn it. Akshay, for whatever reason, just wasn’t feeling this promotional day. He loved the costume, he enjoyed seeing his staff all dressed up, but the reality is that today he just didn’t seem into it. But maybe that was more his problem than anyone elses. There was no need to let this irritation bleed into his work and charm. All he had to do was make it until 6pm, and then he could hand the reins over to Jean to close off the evening shift.

But damn, 6pm sure was taking a long time to get here! By 9am, Akshay was already feeling the drain of only having one toaster pastry for his breakfast. He was supposed to have two, but one of the damn things fell out his mouth on his ride over to the comic store! So not cool. Maybe…just maybe he could get one of his employees to make a food run! Surely he could convince Rebecca or Lexi to head down the street and grab a couple of doughnuts or something. He would!

“Yo! Lexi!” he said as he pulled her away from making er rounds around the store. “Do you think you ca--?

“Don’t speak to me! Flithy Green Martian!!” Lexi boomed. She was dressed up as the character Lady Martian, a white Martian and sworn enemy of The Martian. “We may be trapped together but I shall have my revenger!!” she cackled.

Akshay sighed. “Lexi, drop character for like a second, okay? I just wanted to ask—“

“For MERCY? NEVAR!!” Lexi laughing manically and went back to making her rounds around the store.

Akshay winced as his stomach grumbled so long that he was sure he started a nearby customer. Damn it. This was going to be hell….

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
10:00:55am
“NO way! Spectacular man could totally beat Flying Fox in a one-on-one fight!”

“Nu-uh!”

“Yeah-huh!”

“Flying Fox is like the GREATest detective / vigilante / superhero in the world! He is so smart he could figure out how to beat up Spectacular Man!”

“Uh, no way! Spectacular Man would just punch Flying Fox in the face while he was doing his calculations! Flying Fox thinks too much! Spectacular Man would totally beat his butt!”

“No! Did you see Endless Crisis #5?! Flying Fox found a way to defeat Darkedge! A villain that even Spectacular Man couldn’t defeat one-on-one! Flying Fox is the best!”

“Psh! Spectacular Man was just waiting for the right time to defeat Darkedge! Besides, Flying Fox had to kill himself in order to defeat him! Such a waste of time. Spectacular Man never has to kill himself.”

“Being immortal is lame! Where’s the risk?”

“Hah! Heck with risk! He can throw his life on the line and always win! That is why he is cooler!”

“Nu-uh!!”

“Uh-huh!!”

“…god damn it…really? They have to be close to finishing…”

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
11:00:09am
“You’re just assuming that Spectacular Man actually functions in a world of real-world physics!”

“Of course! The comic realm is exactly like the real realm except for a few individuals!”

“Nu-uh!”

“Uh-huh!”

“No! Since when was the last time you saw a man flying across the sky?”

“…This is New York. Mutants! Hello!”

“…fine.”

“Besides! Spectacular Man has a body as hard as steel! If he just tried to catch a woman falling out of the sky, she would have been sliced into ribbons!”

“OH now you’re just being nit-picky!”

“It’s tru--“ Riiiiiiiiiing!! “Hold on, that’s my phone.” Click “Hi honey…uh-huh…okay…okay.” Click! “That was my wife! Time to go!”

“Yup, my wife should be done at the hair salon too. Catch you later!”

“Bye!”

“…nerds…”

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
12:00:30pm
Akshay nearly crawled his way into the backroom, carried on by the promise of rest and of food. Having worked all morning, in costume, with only a single toaster pastry in his stomach, Akshay was staaaaaarving and sorely in need of rest. On top of that, he was getting a rather lofty migraine do to the fact that besides not eating, he had been listening to a pair of middle-aged men, arguing over the validity of one superhero versus another. Normally Akshay enjoyed such conversations but today just wasn’t the day for it.

With a weary sigh, Akshay wandered into the back room where Lexi already was. Still in her own Lady Martian costume, it looked rather funny to see her daintily eating a cobb salad that she had prepared at home. Lady Martian, in the comics, was a notorious carnivore that devoured any and everything whenever she had the “munches’, so it was just rather odd to see her, in real life, eating a salad.

“What’s with you?” Lexi suddenly asked.

Akshay blinked, looked down, and realized that he was still staring at her. He muttered an apology as he wandered over to the small fridge that he kept in the back for staff to place their lunches. Though he didn’t have time to bring anything today, Akshay knew that there was cold pizza leftover in the fridge from the weekend. He had had a small pizza party with Jean and Lexi, but the left overs he had stored in there. They would make a good enough meal to calm his hunger.

Meandering over to the fridge, Akshay sighed in weariness as he grabbed the handle, pulled the fridge, and grinned at the sensation of cold and light and flooded out. Oh he could practically taste that pizza right no—

…

Cleaned out…the fridge…was cleaned….out.

“Lexi!!” He asked in shock. “What happened here?”

“Huh?” she asked and looked up. “OH, the fridge? I cleaned it out. Things were getting gross in there.”

“B-But…Pizza! Food! Hungry!” he said as he pointed to his stomach.

Lexi rolled her eyes and went back to eating her salad. Akshay could be such a drama queen sometimes.

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
01:00:26pm
Akshay really hated Lexi sometimes. She loved to pour on the tortures. Though Akshay had threatened that he would fire her several times, Lexi still had sat there, during the entire lunch break, eating her salad in front of him with a relish that he just couldn’t stand. He could still hear her groans of ecstasy every time she ate a forkful and it was to the point where Akshay wanted to make sure she had the proper protection. It was just obscene!

He should have fired her. He would have…if it weren’t for the two cherry tomatoes she had thrown his way. Heh…if ever there was an image more symbolic.

Of course this whole time Akshay simply could have left the comic store to head to the Fried Chicken / Doughnut shop down the street, but they banned him from ever going there in costume. Sadly, removing this costume and make-up, heading there, and coming back, and reapplying everything was simply an impossibility. So he sat there, ate a pair of cherry tomatoes, and starved while Lexi ate her salad.

He would get her back. Just not now. Right now he could only focus on getting back to work. The rest of the day had to fly by, right? There could only be so much hell…

“Dude, Flying Fox is waaaaay smarter than Spectacular Man!”

“Psh! Obviously you forgot about the time that Spectacular Man found a cure for Cryptonium!”

“…”

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
02:00:04pm
Akshay stood in the back room, waiting for the cue to jump in. It was the start of another skit for the day and he was supposed to be going on and on with Lexi. Their characters were mortal enemies in the comics so it was only right that they have some epic battle in the middle of the comic store. The fans seemed to like this kind of thing and the kids absolutely adorned it. It should be a fun time. Well…it would have been a fun time if Akshay had managed to eat anything!

Sigh. He was definitely going to consider investing into a vending machine to keep in the back room. Just for emergencies like this.

“Mwa hahaah! I, LADY MARTIAN, will destroy this silly comic store.”

Cue.

Akshay, wide grin on his face, crossed his green arms over his chest as he leapt out of the back room, glaring at the diabolical Lady Martian with his narrowing, red eyes. A cheer shot up from the crowd as Akshay flared up his cape, hiding a canister of green silly string in the palm of his hand.

“Halt right there, Lady Martian!” he bellowed. “You’re not going to do anything so long as The Martian is aro—AH!!”

Akshay gasped as Lexi suddenly tackled him and brought him to the ground. Goddamn it! He hated it when she got too into her characters!!!

So they rolled, they fought, and Akshay was especially sure that he felt her bite him at some point. He was so going fire her…

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
03:00:17pm
“Akshay, I said I was sorry.” Lexi said, dabbing at a couple of bruises that were already beginning for form under his costume.

Akshay winced and tried to slap her hands away. The grin that was plastered across her features obviously meant that she really wasn’t all that sorry. It was just in her nature to be a little cruel towards him. Of course she was sexy and nice to all the customers, but put the two of them together, one-on-one and it was like war had been called. Though she swore there was not personal anger towards him or anything, he had a feeling that there was something driving her demeanor.

That or she was just a damn psychopath.

He sighed as he again slapped her hands away.

“Lexi, you know that’s not how the skit was supposed to go.”

Lexi shrugged her shoulders, making her massive chest bounce a little. “So? You still won? And the crowd loved it.”

“You bit me!”

“Baby!”

Akshay rolled his eyes and simply shook his head. It was like talking to a wall! He finally just sighed as he moved onto his feet and glanced out through the back entrance door. The crowd was mulling around, peering at comics and walking with a couple other of his workers. They apparently did seem the like the skit because no one was leaving yet. God, he hated when Lexi was right.

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
04:00:22pm
“Moooooommmmmmmyyyyyy!!!!! I WANT MY MOMMMYYYYYY!!!!”

Akshay shook his head. The kid was behind his desk, crying, tearing up, and letting snot roll down from his nose as he bellowed out to the heavens above. He hated it when parents did this. They just left their kids here, thinking that because it was a comic store and there were “superheroes” about that they could just abandon their children while they went to run errands. Nine out of ten times it results in the kids crying the second they notice their parents are gone.

Not even superheroes can compare to mommy.

“MOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!”

Akshay winced. It was like an icy cold knife cutting directly through his soul!

“Um, kid, relax, okay?” Akshay tried to say soothingly. He was trying to pose heroically for the kid, maybe give off the aura that he was a hero and that he could help.

The child was having none of it.

“MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!”

…Sigh…

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
05:00:59pm
Almost done! Almost done!! All he had to do was get through one more skit with Lexi and that would be the end of his shift. Jean would be in to relieve him and he could finally go home to get something to eat, and definitely something to eat. He was so hungry right now but he couldn’t let that shake his resolve. If he anticipated it too much it would make time tick by all that much more slowly. He couldn’t allow that. No. He had to get out of here!

But just one skit. He could do that, right? It was only one.

“Mwa hahaah! I, LADY MARTIAN, will destroy this silly comic store!!!”

He took a deep breath. He had already spoken to her once and she promised that she would actually stick to the script this time. Good. The last thing he wanted was another wrestling match with her. Arms crossed, silly string in hand, Akshay leapt out of the backroom in costume. He grinned his best heroic grin as he looked across the comic store to his most diabolical villain.

“Halt right there, Lady Martian!” he yelled, trying to make his voice sound even deeper than it was. “You’re not going to do anything so long as The Martian is around.”

“OH yeah? And who’s going to stop me?”

“I am! The Martian!!” She charged at him, as the script said, and he raised his hand with the can of silly string hidden in his gauntlet. When she was close enough, he let loose a stream of silly string (symbolic of his green goo powers) which was supposed to stop her dead in her tracks.

Lexi didn’t. Instead, when she got within distance, Akshay actually felt time slow down. It was as if he knew that something bad was going to happen as his body was hyper aware. Unfortunately it was not so hyper aware that he could prevent Lexi’s leg as she aimed it directly for the spot no man ever wants to see a woman aim her foot.

FFOOOMMPH!! CRUNCH!!!

“…”

Black-Out

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
06:00:38pm
Day…From…Hell…

Thankfully, after Lexi’s little stunt back there, Akshay took the last hour of his break to sit in silence in the back room while Rebecca and Lexi ran around helping customers for the rest of the shift. It was an hour of silence, of hearing customers laughing and buying. Lexi and Rebecca both definitely knew how to help customers and get the product moving, but that didn’t help the throbbing pain in his groin. That damn Lexi. He really should have fired her for that.

But damn it he didn’t. After the incident, people laughed and cheered on as Akshay lay there, defeated. Thankfully he did manage to get some of the silly string on Lexi, just enough for her to play up that she was defeated. Still, her little move there was completely uncalled for. Whatever her problem was with him lately, it needed to be resolved.

Nudge

“Owwwww….” Maybe he’d do that later.

A glance at the clock and he was relieved to see that it had finally struck 6 o’clock. He could FINALLY get out of here. Standing up, he shuffled over to the bathroom (finally able to walk without crying) and started to peel off the make-up and bits of his costume. It took some time but eventually he did manage to get all of it off and switch into his regular street clothes. By the time he made it out of the restroom, he saw Jean there already, switching into his own costume of X-Beam.

Jean paused putting on his costume and eyed Akshay. “Dude, what happened to you today?”

“Don’t…ask…”

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
07:00:15pm
Akshay wasn’t home. As much as he wanted to be home, he wasn’t home. Sadly when he had tried to leave the comic store, he ran into Lexi who was leaving at the same time. She had watched him in silence for a few moments before realizing that Akshay was having trouble trying to figure out how to get onto his ducati. He was still sore, after all.

Finally, though, she approached and offered him a ride home. Akshay was not all that thrilled with wanting to see Lexi right now, but considering the fact that he would hardly be able to concentrate on the bike to get him home safely, he agreed. It was the least that Lexi could do considering that she was the one that put him into this particular incident. Maybe she really did feel sorry and wanted to make up for it. Akshay hoped so.

Sadly that was not really what happened. As soon as he had agreed, Lexi climbed onto his bike and let him climb on behind her. His arms wrapped around her waist, he waited for her to pull away from the sidewalk and head in the direction of his apartment; she didn’t go that way. Instead he sped down the street in the complete opposite direction!! Akshay shouted as he held onto Lexi, screaming a little into her back as he tried to keep his crotch from bouncing so hard on the hard seat of his ducati. He was going to be sore in the morning.

Finally, after what seemed like almost an hour of riding, they pulled up a small, horrible looking warehouse that was sketchy at best.

“Ah, here we go!” Lexi beamed as she climbed off the bike.

“Lexi? Where the hell are we?” he asked as he winced, climbing off the bike. “I don’t live here.”

“Duh, I know! But there is a good party here! I figure it’s a good way to make up for today. Come on!” she said as she dashed towards the entrance.

Akshay lowered his head. She still had the keys to his ducati so he had little choice other than the chase after her.

Dee…Doo…Dee…Doo!!
08:00:50pm
He wasn’t sure at first but the evidence was slowly gather that Lexi was trying to kill him. That could be the only explanation! Why else would she put him through such torturous hell today and then bring him to a sleazy dance party with included mosh pit? Akshay wasn’t feeling this place the second that he walked in but despite the disorienting fluorescent colors on the walls, the blacklight, and the throbbing music, there was at least one thing redeeming about this place.

Sniff…sniff…

“Chicken wings…”

Akshay made a mad dash for the bar. He had lost track of Lexi so there was no sense in worrying about that. So long as there was a chance at food, real food, he was going to go for it. Following his nose, it didn’t take him long to find the bar/grill. People undulated to music around him, at least two or three girls tried to grind into him in order to allure him out to the dance floor. But that was just not in the cards. Chicken wings! They were not chicken wings!

After a moment or two, Akshay finally made it, slammed his money down onto the bar top, and ordered two orders of wings and a bottle of beer. The kindly looking, tattooed and pierced woman behind the counter smirked and nodded.

Maybe ten minutes later, two steaming, crackling, ambrosia-smelling plates of wings and a crisp bottle of beer were placed in front of him. Akshay had to force himself to keep from drooling all over everything. A shaky hand reached out, plucked up a wing, and brought it to his mouth. The second his teeth bit into that crispy skin…he was in heaven. Seconds later, the first wing was devoured and Akshay was already starting on the second one…

“Akshay?” he heard Lexi call out.

“No!” he mumbled with a mouthful of wing, grabbed his wings, beer, and bolted for some hidden location.