He stared and watched her try to break up with him… he heard everything loud and clear but he didn’t register the meaning behind it. Surly there was something else she was talking about! Why would she want to end the relationship, she said she loved him right? Said she mirrored his feelings towards her? Then how could she do this? Why throw away something like this?

”….I.. I don’t understand?” Sam said his hands at his side not bawled up into a fist like hers were. ”Why?” Sam asked still not emotionally processing this whole situation. Seconds ago she kissed him and now she was breaking up with him? Why the sudden change? Eyeing her he frowned now, ”Your not serious now are you?” Sam asked still not convinced that the sudden flip of emotions was possible.

Heart racing Sam continued to question her, ”Didn’t you say you loved me in the camps? Or was that more of heat of a moment thing?” at this point he started to recoil back into his emotional shell where he could be hurt. There was still a link with Alex but he was trying to make it impossible for her to affect him. It was just what she promised she wasn’t going to do to him. She was leaving him.

Somehow… Alexandra managed to get herself mad, by the time Sam had finished speaking. Heat of the moment thing? Not so funny to hear that from the man she actually loved. She frowned and took another step back, blue eyes staring maliciously at the dead grass.

The best thing to do, the best thing to do… The phrase kept being played in her head, over and over again. “It doesn’t matter…” She finally said. For a moment, she looked at Sam. Then, back at the grass. “What I felt then.” And what I feel now. Perhaps later, Sam would understand that the best way to protect him was to stay away from him. The shadows of her past have caused him harm once. And, there were plenty from where those came.

“I’m not coming back, Sam.” At least for a while, she knew she wasn’t coming back. She was certain that with the camps breakout the Registration Act would soon be a bad memory. But that didn’t mean that mutants or humans will just forget and get along suddenly. The Underground needed someone to calm down the spirits. The organization that her father had created needed to be shut down. And Sam had gotten hurt once because he was too close to all of this. Now, she needed to get him as far away as possible.

He was confused and hurt and took a step forward when she took a step back, ”Look at me!” Sam said his voice getting stern to cover that it was like hers wavering and scared. ”Do you love me? It’s simple, if you love me stay with me if not…” he frowned and he to looked away but his gaze to the night beautiful night they had before them.

Again hurt and confused Sam shook his head, ”No Al… you belong with us, you belong with me…” taking another step forward he reached out and put and arm on hers and then waited for her to respond, ”I love you Alex…” he didn’t know why she was doing this if you cared for someone you should be with them.

It didn’t make any sense but if she was serious about this break up… Sam would reluctantly respect her decision, even if it broke his heart, if she didn’t want to be with him then she didn’t have to it would only hurt more later down the line if she really felt they needed to split.

How did that cheesy saying go? If you loved something then you should set it free? Well if she wanted freedom then it was hers Sam didn’t want her to stick around for him if she was going to be unhappy about it. He wasn’t that selfish.

“Don’t…”

A sharp look accompanied her request as Alexandra took another step back when Sam moved closer. “Don’t even start on this… ” She paused, in search of a good word… What was trying Sam to do exactly? If she loved him, she’d stay with him… no, this was wrong and it felt like …blackmail…? Like… she needed to prove that she loved him… and if she didn’t do what he wanted meant she didn’t love him. No… it was so wrong, so horribly wrong. Alexandra exhaled slowly, letting her shoulders relax, her eyes become softer before she continued.

“blackmail… I love you enough to let you go when it’s not safe for you to be near me. I love you enough to let you start over even if it breaks my heart… so don’t you dare say to me that if I love you I’ll stay with you.” Blue eyes turned toward the building that had been her second home… if not her only home years ago. “And you’re wrong. I have to stay here. And fix the mess I created.” Folding her arms she looked back at Sam, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t expect you to understand Sam… it’s just…” With a sigh, she spoke the phrase that had been played in her head during her discussion with Sam. “It’s the best… For everyone.”

Was it blackmail? He thought it would be a person’s natural response to stay with the one he loved, he had no intention of having it come off as blackmail. But the situation was sticking and Sam was distraught, so even without meaning to he might have made it come out that way. He shook his head and took a step back from Alex as she in turn took a step back. She wanted space and even though Sam wanted to grab onto her and not ever let go he had little choice.

”YOUR WRONG!” Sam quickly yelled trying to get her attention, she was leaving him over a reason as trivial as this, ”You think me being near you puts me in danger!?!” he asked finding the comment funny but showed no sign of it, he instead kept a serious and sad look about him his knees weak from this whole meeting. ”Everything I do in life is nothing but dangerous, your one of the few things in life I didn’t consider dangerous!”

His hands shook slightly and he sighed a long and deep sigh exhaling all the emotions he didn’t want to have in a break up. Reaching his hands up and placing them behind his head he continued, ”Guess… this is it then…” said Sam sounding defeated as he looked up to the moon fearing he might start to tear about the situation if he continued to look at her.

He couldn’t force her to stay with him no matter how much he loved her, but if she would be happier hear and not with him then there wasn’t a lot he could do… she was right, he didn’t understand, he didn’t understand why she was ending what they had, it was a good thing in his life something he wanted to hold on to. It wasn’t the best for everyone, him especially, heartache he sighed again and shrugged.

”I could have stayed and helped you, you know…” he said trying to not sound weak and defeated. ”But…” Sam shrugged again finding a lose for words to describe how he had felt with little luck. ”Look me up if you ever come state side again…” he wanted to say he would be waiting to hear from her but he knew he couldn’t take her verbalizing she wouldn’t, or she would never see him again.

Looking back up at the moon Sam sighed and added quickly, ”Great start to the new year…” turning his back to her and looking at the building he came from as a tear fell down from his right eye.

Alexandra couldn’t really do anything else but simply sigh at Sam’s response. Yeah, she knew this wouldn’t be easy. She knew that in the process both of them would get hurt. But it was harder when she actually saw the amount of damage she caused. “I’m sorry Sam… but this is my mess to fix… and I don’t want you to get hurt… again… or worse…because of me. ” Hands dropped by her side as she simply glanced at Sam’s back as she spoke.

“I know you aren’t blaming me for what happened… but that doesn’t change the fact that I am responsible. The guilt… I feel it and I will feel it no matter what you say.” Blue eyes closed for a few seconds as she paused. She refused to cry again. To be weak. So when she opened her eyes, determination shone brightly in them. She wasn’t backing off. “I wouldn’t be able to handle it if anything happened to you.”

Heels clicked softly against the pavement as she turned around and moved away from her location, increasing the distance between them. She didn’t reply to his… whatever that was. Look him up if she came back to the States. She knew she would. And she’d go back to the mansion because she still had a job. But she didn’t know when. She had no idea how long it would take to put some order in the chaos that was in Romania… and in her life right now. Maybe by the time she got back he would have gotten over her. Who knew?

“I have only one request from you.” She glanced over her shoulder when she spoke, trying to make her voice, her expression, everything, to show just how much she wanted him to comply with what she requested. “Take care of you Sam. Please.” She didn’t need to tell him to take care of the others, she knew he would. After all, the only person in his life that Sam didn’t take care was himself.

It was over… she ended it not because of his stupidity or something he had done but rather for something she feared that would become of him. It was a stupid reason one that forced him to suspect other reasons but he didn’t voice his opinion. He let the single tear fall down his face as he heard her footsteps in heels get further away from him. There wasn’t anything he could do.. It was over.

Sam took another few steps away and decided to go back to the party in an attempt to distract himself from what had just happened, he knew it would fail but he still had to try. Another tear streaked down his face as he heard Alex call out to him she wanted something from him.

Not exactly following the rules of just breaking up with someone but he turned listened. His body stopped until the words of her request echoed in his ears. Ice shattered the next tear on his face and he turned around with a warm fake smile and shrugged, ”Can’t really ignore a request from a pretty lady can I?” turning around and waving his had with a smile on his face and his back to Alex again he waved heading back to the party with one hand in his pockets, ”You got it, just make sure you take care too!”

Sam sounded fake. Looked fake. Even felt fake when he spoke. The sigh that left her lips was quickly concealed with a smile directed to the ice mancer. The art of pretending. They both tried it now that the end had come. Maybe they could lie to each other. But how were they going to lie to themselves? Sam was hurt. She was hurt.

Alexandra turned her head back, resuming the staring at the landscape laid in front of her eyes. Somewhere in the distance, the lights of the city shone brightly. Fireworks filled the night sky. The moon watched over the world as if nothing happened.

Her expression shifted from determined to emotionless. Blank. Blue eyes lost the sparkle that gave them life only seconds ago. She felt empty. Like a vessel that had lost its content. It was the best. Breaking up with Sam. Staying behind. She was doing the right thing. She didn’t try to run. She didn’t try to hide. Yes, she was fulfilling her obligation.

And she wasn’t trying to convince herself of these things. She knew them.

Where do you hide when you run from yourself?

The thought came and left, too quickly to be even considered.