Panu had tried keeping a list of everything that was awful over the last two years, but the file had gotten too big. Like every sensible 11-year-old, he had converted to a database.

SELECT awful
FROM stupidXaviersCaliforniaCampus
PRINT_FROM_TO [10, 1] BY rankOfAwful

10) He had a tan now why did he have a tan tans were awful what part of "I am blind I do not want to learn to surf" did the Gym teacher not understand

9) People kept saying "you should stop cheating and actually study English" but once he learned then they said "awww, but we liked how you talked, can you turn the Google translate thing back on?" what did they even want from him

8) The Headmistress could not feel fear and that made her the most terrifying substitute especially in the training room [file"whyAreThereROBOSNAKES" locked, do you wish to open? Y/N]

7) He wasn't allowed to use his brain on math tests, only the school calculators, because the Math teacher was not as smart as he was and thought that having Matlab installed in his brain was cheating but it wasn't he was just using his resources why was that test an F

6) The older students did not believe he was a Super Villain and he could not even sulk about it because sulking resulted in headpats and cuddles. Headpats and cuddles were AWFUL.

5) [file "pajamaPartyIncident" locked, do you wish to open? Y/N]

4) Noel had lost her phone or forgotten about him over a year ago and he was not allowed to use the school wifi or Ethernet or Cerebra to locate her new number, apparently independent research into All Cell Phone Provider databases was "invasive" and "please delete those files" and "let's just pretend this didn't happen"

3) When villains hid crimes it was 123.45% evil, but when goodies did it it was "helping you not get found by the FBI do you want to go to juvie that was a rhetorical question Panu stop arguing"

2) When villains told lies it was premeditated evil, but when goodies told lies it was "we're sorry" and "please keep in touch"

1) They kept saying things like "you're safe here" and "we care about you" but when he [ REDACTED ] their security systems as a present because their security was awful and because he thought for maybe one second he could live there they said to his parole officer "we can't handle his powers, he needs to go to the East Coast campus, they at least have an Adapted."

This was why Panu was sitting outside the Headmaster's office while the teacher who had brought him here was inside, going over his paper records so he could not see what things they had written about him.

His ears were snug under his studio headphones where he could listen to Sibelius instead of stupid sounds of happy school children. He was scowling down at a phone in his hand, and it was scowling back up at him because he was in selfie mode. No one was giving him either headpats or cuddles for this sulking. He was waiting for his awful tour guide to show him to his awful room in this not-even-close-to-a-beach school, and creating a list of the things he already knew were terrible here.

EDIT stupidXaviersNewYorkCampus

10) There was an Adapted here

9) There was an Adapted here

8) There was an Adapted here

7) There was an Adapted here

6) There was an Adapted here

5) There was an Adapted here

4) There was an Adapted here

3) There was an Adapted here

2) There was an Adapted here

1) ADAPTEDS ARE AWFUL

Some days, rifts opened up in the middle of New York into alternate dimensions. Some days, you found out your doppelganger had a superpowered baby. Some days, zombies attacked the city, Thanksgiving turkeys came to life, or a guy was running around with an actual lightsaber.
And some days, it was just plain old greeting duty.

They were getting a transfer student from California, and that was the extent of Gawain's knowledge when he got called to the offices to do a tour. It was more information than many of the students came in with, and yet, it was not exactly much. The mirrorwalker turned the corner of the hallway curiously, once again wondering what kind of a person was moving in, and what kind of help they might need.

When he noticed the boy, he stopped, blinking in surprise.

"Hey! It's you!"

What was his name again? The last time they met, things were kind of a blur. It involved a mall full of panicked people, some buggy META bots, a hacker, and the kid was... blind. Oh. Right. Gawain remembered that the boy could technically see, through his powers. Which explained why he was being called in, instead of Ms. Taylor, who was usually helping out with the younger students. One thing adapteds were good at was leaving some mutants blind...

"We've met before. At the mall. Robots were chasing us?" he prompted, taking a seat next to the kid. "My name is Gawain. Welcome to the Mansion. I hear you're transferring here from the California campus?..."

Gawain aka Stupid X-Man Mirror aka Person Who'd Totally Been Fooled By A Nine-Year-Old was his tour guide.

Panu was not sure if this was an insult or a challenge. Probably he could get away from Gawain, if he wanted.

Probably they'd just send him somewhere else, then.

He adjusted his headphones for Maximum Impression of Ignoring You and tilted his phone camera just a little so he could see Gawain's stupid face. From this angle, mostly his chin.

"Prison transfer is complete, yes. Hello Warden Gawain, I am Panu Harmaajärvi."

For a moment, Gawain was not sure the kid hear him, with the earphones and all. But then the phone was tilted his way, and that was a telltale sign that the boy could not completely ignore him, even if he wanted to. Granted, they had not met under the best circumstances last time, but hey, Gawain was generally a very likable per...

>>"Prison transfer is complete, yes. Hello Warden Gawain, I am Panu Harmaajärvi."

Whoa. The kid got the puberty early.

"Whoa there" Gawain held up his hands "If anything, I'm the in-house trainer at best. Definitely not the warden, that's Sam's job." he chuckled "I know it sucks to be transferred to a new place, but this one is really not that bad. Um. We have... pizza?"

What were kids these days into, when they were not looking at screens?

Also, kids these days? Where the hell did that come from?

Back in my day, young whippersnapper, we walked into screens...

Pizza. The authority figure was trying to bribe him with pizza.

(The California campus had sushi. And avocado toast. And everything seemed to be gluten free, he didn't know why.)

"Sam is the one who takes selfies with beer?" Sam aka Cold Steel. An image search was all Panu needed to know about Sam. He didn't know how many of these photos were real and how many were shopped, but it was easy to see what the internet thought of him. Probably that eye patch wasn't even real. Also Safe Search on, people liked him shirtless way too much.

The little Finn's shoulders straightened under the try-to-make-a-good-impression-Panu dress shirt they'd made him put on.

The last time he was in New York, he had a father, a house down the street from here that was so much better than the Mansion, and a dog. The police had confiscated his dog, saying stupid things like "this is too dangerous for a kid to have" and "this is property of the NYPD" and "make it stop biting me."

Now he had a wheelie suitcase that was almost as big as him, a violin case tucked under his chair, and a tour guide who couldn't come up with anything better than "we have (notable pause in recording) pizza."

"You have set very high bar," the Finn said. "Probably everything else in school will be 100% disappointment and it will be your fault. Maybe we should skip tour so I do not cry."

>>"Sam is the one who takes selfies with beer?"

Gawain's face fell i genuine concern.

"God, I hope not."

San had been off the booze for months, as far as the mirrorwalker knew. He also wondered how Panu would even know about that. Did he look on his phone? Or maybe do a thorough search before he come to the Mansion? Surely, Sam's fame did not extend across the continent, at least not for the beer...

>>"You have set very high bar. Probably everything else in school will be 100% disappointment and it will be your fault. Maybe we should skip tour so I do not cry."

This ten-year-old had the snark of a fifty-something veteran with a poodle.

That was familiar terrain for Gawain.

"Oh I would not want to make you cry" he smirked "But if you do, I can introduce you to Angua."

Some kids liked dogs. Some kids hated dogs. Angua liked all kids. It was a 50-50 chance.

The mirror-walker was trying to outsnark him. This was a stupid battle because if he won, he beat a child. And if he lost, he got beaten by a child.

Panu liked games he could not lose.

The headmaster's desk was in the office right behind them. In the office was a desk, on the desk a computer, on the computer a connection to the school directory.

Search: Angua.

Not a registered student. A codename? He would try and connect to their secure servers later, but if this person was active on the X-Men than probably the internet knew about them.

…The internet did not know about them. Therefore it was a rookie. Probably another new student who Gawain would try to dump him with because that is what people did.

What the internet did know was that "Angua" was a character in a book. Probably she thought she was very clever.

"I do not need to meet a werewolf. Also people should stop picking names that give away their powers to enemies, that is the most stupid way to pick names."

Panu was a classy child, just like his dragon-dad had wanted him to be. Therefore he did not say, isn't that right, Mirror?

There was a pause. The pauses unnerved Mirror. He knew Panu could see through cameras, so it was entirely possible that he was looking at something Gawain could not see. Cats did that sometimes. It was creepy.

He did eventually get a response, though. With a certain sprinkling of pre-teen snark.

>>"I do not need to meet a werewolf. Also people should stop picking names that give away their powers to enemies, that is the most stupid way to pick names."

Gawain could not hold back a grin. It was not exactly glorious to outwit a kid, but it sure as hell was satisfying to have a trump card.

"Is it, now?" he noted, before glanced down the corridor, and let out two whistles, a long and a short one. Angua's call (he had to train her with a combination, because so many people whistled for so many reasons around the Mansion).

Nothing happened.

The pause was very unnerving.

Gawain sighed and shook his head.

Come on...

Eventually, the Irish wolfhound turned the corner. She walked up to them in long, lazy steps. She was not a young pup anymore, and she saw no reason to rush like one. She had been lying outside in the sun, so it took her a moment to get to the offices. But here she was, wagging her tail, and looking curious about the new kid. Gawain let out a relieved sigh.

"Panu, meet Angua."

The X-Man whistled.

The X-Man whistled and nothing happened.

The X-Man whistled and nothing happened and if Gawain thought that was going to be really unnerving to the Finnish boy, if this was some kind of psychological warfare, than he was completely wrong. Panu's shoulders maybe jumped a little but that was just because the sound was loud and he was startled. Also maybe he started flipping through all available camera feeds just to be safe, but that was all. It was a completely reasonable precaution.

Nothing was still happening. A few people had looked up when Gawain whistled, and a History teacher had sssshed some others back to taking a quiz, and a kid with bat ears had looked really annoyed, and an old dog had woken up out on the lawn—

The dog was coming closer.

Panu tracked it as it scratched at the front door (a girl with white fur let it in) and then climbed up the stairs. He tracked it as it yawned a big yawn with so many teeth and then ambled straight to them.

Angua's shifted form was an Irish wolfhound and she was the biggest dog he'd ever seen and she was awesome did real dogs get that big too he needed one except his should be a cyborg dog so they could talk in their heads and he wouldn't have to whistle and scare small children.

Panu had been told many times that probably it was not good to do anything that might be condescending to visible mutants, but usually the people who said that were afraid of them. Panu had 98.2% success rates with letting them know exactly how awesome they were.

He knelt down on the floor and offered the werewolf his hand. The weredog was just a little taller than him, this way. It made it hard to see, because the best camera was behind her, so she was mostly blocking him. He would use his phone but that might look rude. Oh, headphones! Headphones were also rude. He pushed them down to his neck.

"Hello Angua, I am Panu. May I please scratch your ears? You are very pretty."

Angua came loping up, wagging her tail in slow swooshes like she always did, and looked at the boy. Panu, on his part, gave up the snarking for a few moments as he slid off his seat and moved closer to the wolfhoud.
Dogs were always a hit.

>>"Hello Angua, I am Panu. May I please scratch your ears? You are very pretty."

Gawain chuckled to himself as he gave a hand gesture to Angua. She sat down, lowering her head to the hand offered by the boy. There really was no one who could not pet Angua - she was raised in the Mansion, after all - but it was always fun to see people hesitate around such an incredibly large pup. Angua wagged her tail some more for good measure. Ear scratching was a go. Gawain sat back and watched with a satisfied smile.

Gawain had a stupid smug smile on his face. Panu deleted it from the livestream he was watching so he didn't have to watch it. The X-Man was not going to ruin Awesome Weredog Time.

Handshake (and hand sniff). Ear scratch-scratch-scratch. Her tail was speaking very eloquently so there was no real need to say more. Panu scooted over to her side and put and arm over her shoulder so that he could lean against her for Maximum Scratchies. Also now he could see himself on the camera again.

And Gawain. Was he still making that face…? [filter 'stupidSmile' removed]

Yes. Yes he was.

"Can I trade tour guides? Angua is better."

Better by a million tail wags.

There was much scratching. And leaning. And wagging of tail. Gawain chuckled to himself as he watched. Angua had been a goofy puppy, but even as an adult dog she was basically a large plush toy. And teenage snark or otherwise, the boy was still a boy who got to hug a real life wolfhound larger than his own self.

>>"Can I trade tour guides? Angua is better."

"You know what? I'm not even offended by that." Gawain grinned, shrugging. Angua was a pretty awesome dog, after all. Not qualified as a Mansion greeter, but only barely.

"Alright, Angua, take the lead then" he decided, clicking his tongue as he got up from his seat "Let's go find a room for Panu, shall we?"

Angua got up, which meant that Panu got dog-lifted to his feet. He didn't giggle as this happened, but if he did it was just to lower these Mansionites defenses.

Unfortunately, the dog cuddling had to stop because he had two things of luggage and two hands. Sometimes he wished he was one of those mutants with extra arms, or an awesome prehensile tail. Other times he remembered that if he could just convince someone to give him an awesome robotic exosuit than he could have all the arms, and then he remembered that being a technopath was better.

He grabbed his violin case in one hand and his wheelie suitcase in the other, and then he leaned his whole weight forward and then he was able to follow the dog. His suitcase squeaked after him. When he had a giant robotic exosuit, carrying luggage would be much easier.

"What do you do at the Mansion?" he asked. This was a question for Angua, but it would not be surprising if Gawain was stupid enough to think it was for him.

Thank god, now they were getting somewhere. Out of the hallway, anyway. It was a start, and Gawain was not going to look a gift wolfhound in the mouth. Angua knew the way all too well, and she knew Gawain enough to respond to his subtle signs, telling her which way to go. The boys' dormitory was not far from the offices, which was good, because Panu was carrying all his luggage alone.

>>"What do you do at the Mansion?"

"I help people train with their powers" Gawain answered, not noticing that the question had been aimed at the dog "Or at least help them figure out how their powers work. I also occasionally teach other classes, and... help out where I can."

There would be time to talk about the X-men later.

Of course the X-Man thought the question was for him. Probably all X-Men liked being the center of attention, why else would they wear costumes? Panu found it super suspicious that the rise of totally-illegal-but-no-one-arrests-them vigilantes was directly proportional to the spread of camera phones. His history teacher had not liked this example being on Panu's History of Superheroes presentation but that was because the man was biased.

If the X-Men were actually good people, they would do good things all the time, not just in public. Like helping with luggage. Not that Panu wanted help and he would not accept help but Gawain hadn't even offered.

Angua also didn't offer, but she didn't have opposable thumbs, so that was okay. She was the Strong Silent Furry type.

"I bet you can't help train my powers," Panu said. He remembered how it felt to be taken through the mirrors; it was dark and quiet (and peaceful) and awful and there hadn't been anyway to stay oriented because the only electronics he could feel were the ones he was carrying. The whole rest of the world had just gone away (and no data had been pressing at his head saying I'm here I'm here). And then he had been woozy when they came back out because the whole world had shifted by fifty yards, but he hoped the X-Man didn't remember that part. "I already know how they work, why would I need you? And I could take GED test right now and pass if the stupid teachers would let me. Then I wouldn't have to waste so much time in class."

The diploma test in the US was like a history trivia game with a math section. Even a regular kid could do it with a smart phone, why did these adults even think they needed to teach any more? Teachers were like Apple II computers: some were okay in a museum, but they shouldn't be in every classroom.