Shin Talks About That Collar He Wore

Shin’s stability helped…it helped more than he could possibly know. Over time, Kealey had figured out that while she was good at looking at and analyzing everyone else’s emotions, she struggled with her own sometimes. Her emotions towards Shin…she’d figured out a long time ago…those were easy. All of the emotions that were popping up while dealing with her sister? A different thing entirely. Shin was steady, and sure enough for the two of them.

That was good because Kealey was a nervous wreck.

He didn’t reply when she tried to walk away, he just looked right back at her, steady and calm. She changed her mind and came back, and he was pleased. He hadn’t even had to say anything, he knew not to say anything. Kealey took a deep breath to try and slow down her brain and all the things rolling around inside of it. She focused on Shin’s feelings, the ones that were so familiar they were almost her own. Along with the determination he was feeling, it helped.

Shin led the way. Kealey only hesitated for a moment before following him. The door opened with surprising ease…but then again Kealey didn’t know what she’d expected. People had to get in somehow. The inside was very…institutional. There was a desk and there was a lot of bullet proof glass. Kealey shuddered a bit…then she showed the visitation pass she’d been given. The next few minutes were full of paperwork and Kealey found herself growing impatient. Would Maire be expecting a visitor? Had they told her who the visitor was? Kealey didn’t know how these things worked, but the institutionalism of the place was really starting to get under her skin.

”You’ll wait out here for me?” she said, turning to Shin as she waited to enter the visiting area. She knew he would, but for some reason she wanted to hear the words.

Then it was time. Kealey watched as the guard opened the door, then she stepped through.

This room was strange too, it looked like someone had tried to replicate a friendly park inside a building with white cinderblock walls. There were…picnic tables, the ones that are obviously metal with the little plastic coating over them to make them warmer and more inviting. There were various women sitting around in various states of pleasure at the prospect of a guest. All but one.

Kealey knew before she turned her head to look at the woman sitting at the table that it was her sister. The second she’d walked into the room a little flame of hatred and anger had blossomed and was steadily growing. Kealey felt her cheeks color. This had been a bad idea…but she was already there. She couldn’t turn back now.

Kealey lifted her chin slightly, taking a deep breath and approaching the redhead.

”Hello Maire.”

It was quite a while later when the door to the waiting area opened and Kealey re-emerged. Her emotions were a swirling tempest of everything from pity to almost violent anger and everything in between. She saw Shin and stifled several different options for what to do. She was a little out of control, and there were a lot of people around. Looking like a loon in the middle of a penitentiary was usually a bad idea. She took a deep breath and approached, trying for the moment to simply forget what she’d just experienced. She needed to talk about it, let it out, but this wasn’t the right time or place. There were too many people here, too many other emotions for Kealey to sort out what she’d just seen.

She had to hold it together until Shin could get them somewhere reasonable. Approaching, she noticed he was reading a hunting and fishing magazine. Did Shin like hunting and fishing? Kealey didn’t know why that seemed odd, but it did. She stood by him for a moment before she spoke, happy that her voice only wavered a little bit.

”Can we go? Not home, somewhere quiet? I need to think.” she said, almost pleadingly. She knew she only had to ask, but the desperation was still there, if only a little.

Most of the time when Kealey moved far enough away from a person that they were out of her range, the feelings she shared with them faded and slowly disappeared. Most of the time it was a relief, because most of the time it worked. This time, it didn’t. Every time she blinked, Kealey could see the burning eyes that so very closely mirrored her own, and every time she let her mind wander, the piercing feelings persisted in their invasion of her psyche. Some of the emotions were her own. The knowledge that Kealey had gained during the rather brief conversation was powerful and self-condemning. It was a lot.

She needed to get away. She needed to get away quickly.

Shin was happy to oblige, just as Kealey had known he’d be. She took a deep breath and tried to focus on those emotions. For once, the warm comfort that was always there seemed unable to cut through everything else and Kealey sighed as they walked from the building.

They were quiet while they walked, and quiet when they got on the bike, and quiet after. Part of Kealey was glad for the silence, she didn’t know what to say. As always in situations like this, the blond marveled at how terrible she was at dealing with her own feelings. Then Shin spoke. He didn’t know where to take her.

Kealey wasn’t irritated, it wasn’t Shin’s fault and he really had tried. She’d felt him pondering over the options. She’d set him a difficult task. Where could they go that was close but secluded enough to meet her needs?

The answer came as they passed through the maze of pedestrian and vehicular traffic in downtown.

Maze.

”The hedge maze?” she replied simply.

It was close to home and warmth, but far enough removed that unless there was an extreme number of people out exploring on this cool day it would be quiet.

The ride back was the easy part. While they moved and the wind whipped around them, Kealey didn’t have to talk, didn’t have to discuss anything that had just happened. That would change when they got back to the mansion though, when they were in the relative safety and privacy of the hedge maze. Kealey had seen and felt people who kept feelings like the ones she was having bottled up. It ate at a person from the inside out, and she would not do that to herself. Now when she had someone like Shin who would take everything she had to say in stride, and know what to say. He always did.

Shin parked in the garage at the Mansion, took her helmet, then they walked. That part was silent as well, and Kealey once again thanked her lucky stars that Shin understood her so well. She needed these final moments to sort out how to best put into words what had happened when she’d spoken to her sister in the penitentiary. Kealey knew Shin would ask, and she knew she would tell him everything she could, but there was so much she didn’t understand. Her head hurt slightly and Kealey sighed pulled her hair loose from the ponytail she favored when riding on the motorcycle. The wind was calm and the loose hair gave her something to do with her hands.

The maze was a place of happy memories, and as they walked some of the tension left Kealey’s neck and shoulders, making the deep, even breaths the blond took come more easily. This was a good place, a quiet place compared to anywhere else close-by, and for the first time since they’d left the correctional facility, Kealey could sort out what was in her head.

Shin spoke, and she turned to look at him, registering the emotions that went with the words. She’d been a bit unfair earlier, automatically expecting that he’d know exactly what to do. No matter how close they came, nobody was completely perfect. It made her hesitate though, not wanting to put him in a position where he would fail. No, that was unfair too, assuming that just because she knew how a person felt about something she knew what they’d do. He’d asked, he’d wanted to help, Kealey would let him try. She took a deep breath.

”She hates me Shin.” she started softly, breaking eye contact and looking at the ground as she wrapped her arms around her middle. ”She’s just absolutely eaten up by it. It’s not anger, or even rage, it’s just this…this…inferno of feeling.” she paused and took a deep breath. ”She’d barely talk to me…no matter how much I tried.”

That wasn’t all, not by a long shot, but it was a start, ”I think I could handle it if that was it. If she just hated me, but she’s so sad, and so miserable…and I don’t know what I expected, I mean, obviously her powers present a problem for keeping her there…but I just hadn’t expected…” Kealey frowned, trailing off. This was hard.

A way out. Shin was giving her away out. He was conflicted, and worried, and as upset about the whole thing as Kealey was. He offered comfort in a hug and Kealey took it, almost clinging to Shin as they stood in the middle of the hedge maze. She just stayed like that for a few moments head buried in his shoulder as she worked through what he’d said.

She didn’t have to go back. Kealey knew that, she hadn’t had to go in the first place. She wanted to, she felt like she needed to, that she owed it to her sister.

”It’s the least I can do.” Kealey said, still not moving. ”I should have looked for her, after the bombing... or made sure she was gone, or something. All that time, and everyone had given up on her. I should have done something...I was such a mess though.” Kelaey took a deep breath and let it out, trying to release some of the tension. It didn’t work, and she lifted a hand, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

”It will be better next time.” she said firmly, with a nod of her head, ”I just wasn’t prepared.”

Kealey paused for a moment. The next part was hard, really hard. ”They had her in this…this…collar. I think it did something if she tried to use her powers. It hurt her a few times. It makes me wonder what she was trying to do.” It made her wonder, but Kealey really didn’t want to think about it. It made her think about the library at FIT too much.

Kealey shook her head and looked up at Shin, meeting his eyes to see if he understood, ”It just didn’t seem right…to do that to someone.”

Shin said he’d be there for her. Kealey already knew that, Shin had been there for her for a really long time now. It wasn’t going to change. He was the most constant thing in her life. The smile he tried was small and forced, but again Kealey was touched by how hard he tried. Without the benefit of a power like hers, he still manage to say or do the right thing to make her feel better.

At least until she brought up the collar that had been around Maire’s neck in the penitentiary. Feelings, dark and potent, flooded through Shin and Kealey looked at him with wide eyes at the feelings she had made him feel. The only thing she’d mentioned had been the collar, nothing else about Maire had bothered him up until this point. That had to be it, something tickled at the back of her mind, another time when emotions like this had surged to the forefront of Shin’s mind. He stepped back and she momentarily mourned the loss of contact, with all those things Shin was feeling, she wanted to be closer, as if somehow that would help.

He looked her in the eyes, and she looked back steadily, determined to hold it together no matter what spillover she was getting. It was so unsettling to see these emotions in Shin’s eyes and to feel them coming from him. Shin was never dark like this, never this sad. He said her name and Kealey’s face reflected just how serious she was taking the matter. If he wanted to talk, she’d listen, if he didn’t….Kealey was determined not to push. Not too hard at least.

He nudged her shoulders down and she sat, completely unconscious of the chill on the ground. Shin spoke and Kealey nodded her head, he wanted to tell her something…it was going to take a while, and it was the source of all those dark emotions. ”Tell me…” she said, determined to be as strong and supportive for Shin as he always was for her, no matter the emotions involved in whatever she was about to hear.