Feeling Yourself Disintegrate (Kasumi)

Ever sense that phone call Kasumi was not the same. Sad falling into herself. Shin left her over her phone. Heart broken and alone a very few of her close friends know what happened. Yet she is heart broken she has not really talked to anyone. She is laying in bed with her I-phone playing a song. Just something to dround out her pain yet it really did not work. Kasumi tears up as she closes her eyes trying on to her side curling up in a ball.

Kasumi hears a knock on her door. She stops her I-phone. She sits up as she wipes her cheeks. Her hair is down while she has on a black tank top with white shorts. Kasumi has lost a bit of weight when she is upset she does not eat. Yet she has been eating enough to keep herself going that is all. Her skin is very pale form not being in the sun.

Soon she opens her door it is Shin she looks down she closes her eyes as she mutters "Hi." That is all that she can pull herself to say right now. Some of her hair falls over her shoulder her eyes were so bright there is no light with in them. Kasumi is truly sad over this she has not been seen around alot. Just keeping with in her room that is all. That is all Kasumi wanted to do was to stay in her dark hole. Hoping that the pain will some how go away.

Yet Kasumi knows that it will not go. She just wanted to be alone most of the time. Her room that was always clean has a few things around it. She does not want to do anything. Kasumi still wonders what is the point to it? She can not see a point to anything right now. After everything that was said and done she wonders what she did that was so wrong? Kasumi still can not make scene of it with in her mind and heart.

Kasumi soon nods. She soon turns her back walking into her room. Her eyes are down as she sits on her bed with one leg resting under the other one. She wraps her arms around a big frog plush that she has. She knows that is going on. Kasumis eyes are still down the dim lifeless green. She is not going to beg or anything like that. What is the point?

Kasumi lets out a sigh as her hands grips the frog. She knows that he left her yet it took him so long to tell her why he left her. She still does not know what happened. She would like to know running her tongue down her dry lips she is ready for anything. She knows this now. Heart brake is something that she is not fond of.

Keeping her eyes down. She holds back her tears with all of her might. All she can do is nod she speaks "Then why did you do it over the phone?" her voice has such a deep pain in it. Her hands grips the frog even more. She had to know. She felt so alone so hurt in all of this.

Kasumi is not sure what she is feeling right now. But most of it is pain. She feels some what numb at the same time. Why is it so hard for her to let herself fell? She has no idea why but it seems with each passing day she becomes number and number to things. All kinds of things. Even her eyes show that she is a little bit numb right now. It could not be she can feel all of the pain at ounce.

Kasumi looks down so this was about her being an X-men? Wanting to do good in the world? Yes that one day she was almost killed but that was by a person that she thought was a friend. Kasumi closes her eyes tight. She puts the frog on the bed she walks to the window and crossing her arms over her chest. She can not come to terms with it.

After a little while she speaks "I will get hurt no matter were I am at and what I do... I much rather be in the part of something good other then doing nothing at all..." She did not want Shin to see her cry and that is what she is doing. She keeps her back turned as she cry's some. Yet even with her back turned her voice gives her away "Back in the camps I did worry about you yet I did not get hurt. Not becues..." She stops there she will not let him know. No Kasumi can not tell Shin that.

Kasumi closes her eyes tight trying to stop her voice form braking "I love you Shin that it is why it is so painful. . It pushed me to do better so I could see you again.." Her hand grips the window frame. Her head drops. God this is so hard he is leaving yet she loves him. Her back is still turned her eyes are opened looking out the window. After keeping with her thoughts for a few seconds "I am not begging you or anything.. But I had to let you know that."

Kasumi wanted to tell him in a better time. Yet it did not seem to come. She did not know what to do anymore. Her life seems to be going down the drains. She done things this year that she only dreamed of doing. She is proud of herself of everything that she done yet with this. She wonders if it was all for nothing.

All that Kasumi could do was nod. Soon she is biting her lip tears streaming down her cheeks. She leans her forehead on the window. Tears just stream down her cheeks she can not bring herself to speak anymore. The pain is cutting her like a knife. Evey thing just shattered from under her feet. Kasumi wraps her arms around herself. She is crying so hard with out a sound.

Kasumi is useing everything with in her not to make a sound. Yet her small shoulders a shaking with the pain. She as a lump that she can not get down she opens her mouth yet no sound comes out. This all seems like a nightmare to her something that she did not want to see or hear. Yet it is all so real why does this have to happen?

Keeping with her thoughts the pain she has with in herself. It is the best that she can do right now is not to cry in front of him. Even if her back was turned it is not in front of him. Right now that is all that matters. She does not know anymore then that she can do.