She was 12, and in the woods about a mile from her house. Gangly patches of Golden Baby flowers sprouted out here and there among tall, thin trees that were packed densely together. It was misty and the sun was blocked by trees. The forest was shrouded in a surreal kinda light that made it feel like a dream.

She was humming a song to herself as she picked her way through the foliage, branches snagging at the bottoms of her coveralls as she moved.  “... we danced all night to the best song ever… We knew every line, now I can't remember…” 

It wasn’t much more of a walk to the bus from where she was. The other kids were probably already there waiting for her, passing around a smoke since they were always low on money and couldn’t afford more than just the one. She didn’t mind missing it… she wasn’t much of a fan of how it made her lungs burn a little with every inhale.

“How it goes but I know that I won't forget her… 'Cause we danced all night to the best song ever..”

She still wondered about where her place was in their little clan. They’d welcomed her to their little group with open arms and she’d only needed to promise not to tell on them to anyone, which... It wasn’t exactly like she had anyone to tattle to if she wanted anyway. Her parents cared less than she did, and it wasn’t like the town didn’t exactly know about it. 

She was more nervous about how to act around friends than she was what they spent their time doing. Trying to figure out what it was she was supposed to do and not to was nerve wreaking. Mason made fun of her all the time for being so on edge at their get togethers, and had taken to giving her a beer almost every time she saw him.

His chubby, tanned face and dark curls popped to life in its own accord in her mind and she blushed deeply. He was stupid and his nickname for her really sucked… but.. At least he listened. He cared, and his silly jokes always worked to get a laugh out of her no matter how she felt inside.

~~~~

It had been a rough night and all she wanted to do was escape and forget. Shove everything off into dark place where she wouldn't have to look at it. 

Regardless of the time, she'd fled her house the moment it was safe to do so. The woods at this time in the morning could be spooky, but... compared to the monster hiding in her house it was a much preferred environment. Bears were rarely sighted anymore, and coyotes for most part left people alone. Snakes were certainly a thing, but the types they had where she lived didn't normally kill you if you got bit. Deer could be an issue depending on the season, but it wasn't even close to rutting season yet, so the likelihood that she would get gored to death by a territorial buck was low.

Really, the cold was probably the biggest issue for her seeing as she had left the house in sleep shorts and a t-shirt, but she didn't mind. The cold helped to take her mind off of things. Sometimes she liked to pretend that if she got cold enough the feelings inside her would freeze too. Like a big ice box. Maybe the tears would freeze as well and then she could go back to feeling somewhat normal?

That would be nice. "Tch." Gently wiping a few of those traitorous tears from her cheeks, one of which was red and starting to swell, she hurried herself along. She could spend the night in the bus and meet up with he gang the following afternoon. Nobody other than them knew where the shelter was located, so it was the safest place. 

~~~

"C'mon skittles! Dance a little!" Harper, or Kermit as they all called him, curled his fingers at her to join the group of them that were dancing around in the sun to one of the newest songs on the local radio station. 

Young hearts, out our minds, runnin' till we outta time. Wild childs, lookin' good,livin' hard just like we should. Don't care whose watching when we tearing it up, that magic that we got nobody can touch

Juniper shook her head aggressively at Kermit, laughing nervously as she looked to her side where Mason sat. His nickname was Cooper, but she had't even been able to bring herself to use it. She liked Mason so much more. 

Blushing, she looked back to the others as Kermit invited himself over, followed by Bambam and Berry. Of course he'd  pull in help to try and chip away at her resiliance. "C'moooon Skittles!" Berry threw herself down next to the old, patched up bean back she was sitting on. "Come dance! Please? Cooper! Get her to dance with us!" 

Looking for some trouble tonight, take my hand, I'll show you the wild side. Like it's the last night of our lives, we'll keep dancing till we die

Berry was two years older than her, and at 14 she was starting to look more like a woman and less like a little girl. Juniper, if she was honest with herself, wanted to develop into a girl like Berry. She was still 12, going on 13, and flat as a board. No curves to be seen. Benjamin was the oldest out of all of them at 15, which was why he had been landed with 'Boss' for a nickname. Being the oldest also meant he had more access to things the others didn't. If they needed alcohol? Benjamin. A ride somewhere? Benjamin, in a borrowed family car.

Mason was two years older than her, just like Berry. He tended to be the most relaxed one out of the group. Liked to sit and enjoy things from the sidelines. She liked that the most about him, and that was probably why she tended to gravitate towards him the most. He was... calm. A placid spot amidst the chaos of her life. 

Kermit was a true example to the powers of creativity they all had. He was green. Green like a frog. Seemed pretty chill about the teasing nickname though, even if he was a bit hyper active with everything else. 

"Wanna dance, Juniper?" Warm breath tickled her ear and she flushed read from head to toe immediately.  The lanky, tan boy rolled to his feet with the grace of a cat. She stared at him wordlessly as she uncurled herself from her seat where she had been sitting like a tightly wound massasauga. "S-sure.." He stretched out a hand and she hesitantly took it, allowing the boy to pull her to her feet and lead her over to where the others were dancing around to the music. 

I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums, Oh, what a shame that you came here with someone, So while you're here in my arms, Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young. We're gonna die young, we're gonna die young. Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young..

He held onto her hand the whole time she she tried to mimic the movements of everyone around her, and gradually she started gripping it back a little tighter.

It had been a bad day. Keith had been staying over more and more, which meant she was more or less out of the house unless she absolutely had to be. Her nights had shifted suddenly to her being away from home with whoever would have her, couch surfing until her Uncle got bored and left town again.

She'd made the mistake of going home to try and sneak in for some things, with the intention of returning back to Bambi's house where she would be spending the night. Her parents' car was gone when he got there, and that either meant that everyone was out, or her parents had left Keith home alone, or.... he'd taken the car into town himself and her parents will still home. It was a toss-up, honestly. It didn't change her plan much though, so gathering up as much courage as she had, she circled around to the back of the house where her window was.

She'd scaled-down and up from her bedroom many times by the point, so it wasn't much of an issue for her. An old but sturdy wooden trellis that was set up outside helped quite a bit.

She peered in through a few windows for a bit, looking for signs of life. Nobody in the kitchen, or the hallway leading to the living room. Nobody in the living room either. As far as she could tell it was empty.

Swallowing around the lump in her throat she scaled the trellis and set about sliding her window up. Her room was dark, but just from the light filtering in from outside she could tell someone had been inside it pilfering through her stuff. Her drawers were open, clothes scattered around on the floor messily. Her closet was open as well and she could see the wooden chest inside was open. It was either her mom searching for something, or...

Sliding in through her windowsill as quietly as she could, she headed over to her bedroom door first and made sure it was shut and locked. Then, she headed to the mess on the floor to find some clean clothes to wear. She'd been in the same pair of jeans and the same t-shirt for three days already. She just needed a few outfits, maybe some socks and underwear, a toothbrush would be nice...

She plopped the pile of wrinkled clothes onto her bed and bent down to grab the backpack she kept underneath. The toothbrush, while nice, would be hard because she didn't have her own bathroom. She'd have to sneak down the hall to the shared bath in order to get it.

Eh, maybe she'd just steal one instead.

Focused on what she was doing, she missed her closet door moving as it started to slowly close again. The door, when fully open, blocked one of the corners of her room completely. When she had been younger she'd used it as a hiding place when her dad and her played hide and go seek.

"I thought I might have heard the little pitter-patter of feet around here..."

She spun around with her bag half-packed, a pair of pants still hanging out the mouth of the maroon backpack. Keith wasn't tall in the typical sense, but he was big. He tended to hunch quite a bit which affected his height, but when he needed to he could pull himself up like a snake to look bigger than he actually was. He tended to try and keep himself in decent shape all things considered. Neither skinny nor fat. As average as average could be in body shape. He had salt and pepper black hair that he kept longer than was fashionable at the time, usually combed back with gel, or in a low ponytail. He was the type that loved to wear tacky Hawaiian shirts and shorts no matter the weather.

The town really tended to get along with him since he and her mom had grown up there. Almost everybody knew his name and he was well-liked. Tended to float around in his RV from place to place. Wherever he wanted to go, really, and people always gave him a warm welcome.

Everyone but Juniper. She was absolutely terrified of him.

"I've been here for four days now, Pepper, and I haven't seen hide nor hair of you? You tryin' to break my poor old heart?"

She bolted straight for the window but barely managed to get up onto her desk before his large hands snagged one of her ankles and he dragged her straight back in and onto the floor.

"Let go!" Attempting to kick at him with her foot didn't work. He pulled her into the middle of the room, dropped her leg, and then lunged forward to get his hands around her neck as she tried to scramble away again.

Her feet left the ground completely as he lifted her and slammed her into the closest wall. "Pepper… don't be this way. Be nice to your Uncle. You don't wanna make me angry, do ya honey?"

He lowered her enough that she wasn't scratching at the floor with the toes of her feet, and the sudden pounding in her head retreated a bit. She screamed loud enough in his face to earn a wince, hoping and praying that he would let go of her. Or that her parents had come home and would hear. Anything.

He dropped his hands from her throat, catching her arm in a crushing, painful grip. "I keep tellin' ya, you just have to trust me, Baby girl. The more you misbehave, the more it's gonna hurt, right?"

He was gonna break her arm! It felt like it the bone was gonna snap in half. "Stop! S-stop! OKAY. Okayokay, just stop!" Tears leaked out and she didn't bother stopping them. What did it matter if she cried?

"There we go. There's my good Pepper." He patted her cheek harshly and she turned her face away from him as the pressure on her arm lessened.

---

Hours later she arrived at the doorstep of her friend's house and knocked. Bambi answered the door after a few moments and gasped at the sight of her. There were bruises around her throat, just under her jaw. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she had a bruising, split lip.

"Oh.. Skittles..." The poor girl was a year younger than her, but knew what was going on the instant she saw her. All of them knew to a degree. "C'mon... let's get you cleaned up."

Juniper trudged in behind the taller brunette, glancing into the living room as they passed to spy Bambi's mother passed out on the couch with a cigarette still smoldering between her fingers.

They settled in Bambi's room, which was very very pink and decorated with an assortment of the girliest things she had ever seen. She was left alone for just a moment and when the teen came back it was with a pink caboodles case full of makeup and a half-empty bottle of vodka.

Juniper tipped the bottle back the moment it was firmly in her hand, while Bambi settled herself before her and broke open the makeup supplies. They spent the rest of the night getting trashed and trying out various makeup looks on each other, both happy to have someone to help distract from their own individual problems.

She wasn't sure when Mason and her had grown closer. It didn't feel like years had passed since she had met him, and yet they certainly had. He had grown like a weed in only a few years. He was 16 and starting to fill out like an adult would. She couldn't ignore that she had a crush on him anymore, especially since they spent almost every waking moment together.

She tended to stay with him at his house, or at the bus when she needed to leave her own home. He'd offered, even. If she wasn't reading things entirely wrong, she thought that maybe he had a bit of a crush on her too.

He liked to grab her hand when they were walking and hold onto it. He liked to give her little warm hugs every now and then and tickle her face with his curls. They would lay on each other on the roof of the bus, away from the city light and noise, and stare up at the stars.

"Ever wondered what you wanna be when you're on your own?" He asked one night while they lay together, hair and head touching just enough that the could feel each other.

"No.. not really." She replied honestly, "I've never had to put much thought into it, I guess... Why?"

He was quiet for a moment. "They were talking about it in class today." Was his eventual reply. "It made me realize that I don't know what I wanna do. I... I suppose I could be a mechanic like dad, but... I don't know. It's hard to look that far out, Ya know?"

"I know." She really did. It was hard to look past tomorrow with where she currently was in life.

"And with Mom and dad splitting, I don't know where I'm gonna end up." He went quiet after that, and she turned onto her side so she could look at him. He'd told her before about his parents fighting and throwing around threats of a divorce. Apparently it was happening now.

"I'm sorry, Mason... that really sucks." She reached for his hand this time, threading her small fingers through his longer ones. She was mildly surprised that he had gone to school at all, though... it was probably so that he didn't get kicked out entirely. He tended to skip more often than not.

"Wanna run away with me?"

The question caught her off guard coming out of the blue like that and she struggled to figure out what to say. Runaway?

"We can go wherever, do whatever. Be whoever we want to be." He shifted up onto an elbow and turned to look down at her. "I like you. I wanna see you come out of your shell more, Skittles. I wanna see all of the great things you're gonna do." He paused, before turning his face back up to the stars. "I want you by my side while I do all that great stuff too. I wanna be somebody someday."

The sounds of the forest filtered in as the conversation died off and his hand tightened just a little around hers. Maybe he was afraid she was gonna turn him down?

"Yes." She pushed herself up as well, not breaking the handhold with him. "Let's run away together." She grinned so wide it hurt her cheeks. The moonlight illuminated the both of them as they sat and looked at each other. She was already planning and plotting in her head, trying to figure out a timeline for what they would need to get done and how long it would take.

"How about next year? That's enough time for us to save up some cash and get a car." She knew a few places around town that sold junkers for pretty cheap, and her dad had taught her enough about basic mechanics that she could probably get one running and in decent shape.

The curly-haired boy with warm brown eyes smiled at her, one she had never seen before. "It's a date." He brought his other hand up to tuck some hair behind her ear, let his fingers linger there for a moment and then leaned in to kiss her.

A few months had passed and due to certain event at home, Juniper had been staying with Mason in their ragtag little bus house for the last few weeks. Other than being a little out of her element without a working toilet, which she was fine with, she was happy to be alone with Mason for so long. The two of them had formed a fledgling relationship, officially. Boyfriend and girlfriend. She was 15 now and feeling more adult than ever, considering that she had survived on her own without stepping foot in her house even once in all that time. She could handle a relationship, couldn't she? Of course she should. Especially when it was Mason. The guy was so chill about everything. She truly aspired to be more like him in that regard.

Her friendships with the other members of their gang had muted just a bit, or become strained in other ways. Berry, as it turned out, had kinda had a thing for Mason before Juniper had come along. The girl still tried to talk every now and then but she could tell that Berry was always extra emotional when Juniper and Mason were together with her around. Her and Ganja had been spending more and more time together though, so Juniper wondered if maybe Berry was ready to move one.

Whatever the case, it led Mason and her to spend more time together alone while the other members were off doing their own things. A few within the group had gotten a little too involved in the usage of various things, including some new drug that was just trickling into the local dealers lineup. Juniper had certainly been surprised when Bambam suddenly lived up to his nickname and punched a hole clean through a cement wall with his bare fists. Mutations weren't rare or anything, but one suddenly appearing in one of your friends after they swallowed a suspicious pill? Odd.

She and Mason hadn't been the most innocent, either. In her few years with the gang Juniper had tried a load of different things. Some she liked, others she didn't. Some were mild, others were nightmare-inducing. Mason had introduced her to many things himself and been her spotter for a lot of them. @#$%ing mushrooms were a trip... and one you could never quite guess which way it would go, either.

One fateful night saw the teen nursing a pretty bad hangover after a previous night of drunken debauchery and festivities. She wanted to sit and read and wait for the painkillers to kick back in so that she could take a fifth nap. Mason had come in then, carrying himself up into the shelter with the same slow gait she had learned to love watching. She spied him from her claimed beanbag chair, buried deep within the warmth of a wool blanket against the slight chill in the air. "Hey." She couldn't help the smile that slipped on her lips as he meandered on over to greet her, "Hey." He bent to place a kiss on her lips, and then plopped himself on a bag beside her and stole a bit of her blanket.

She knew that he'd gone out to meet some people and buy some stuff, but hadn't known when to expect him back. He had returned sooner than she had expected. "What'cha get?" She saw him fiddle with something in his pocket.

"Little bit of brown sugar. Wanna join me?" He smiled and she just about melted. God, even with the dark circles around his eyes he was still so freaking cute.

"Nah... Still feeling pretty nauseous from last night. Thought I'd get some reading in while waiting for the pills to kick in." She nodded at an open bottle of aspirin on the makeshift table next to her. "Go ahead and make yourself comfy. I'll be lookout."

She flipped to another page in her book as he got settled in and set up.

"So was it new friends this time, or Joshua again?" The illustrations in her book were really great. Colorful and really well-drawn. She didn't know who exactly Dr. Sue was, but hell she liked the woman already. She'd learned more from an old book than she had from any of the awkward conversations her mom had tried to start.

"New guy this time. Had a better price than Josh usually does. I think once the-" He paused and hissed through his teeth slightly, earning a look from her. Oh, he'd just missed is all.
"-number of sellers started to grow he got backed into a corner and that was his only way to recoup. I feel bad for the guy, I do... bit a 20 buck discount is hard to pass up."

"Yeah, I get that." They fell into a comfortable silence for a moment as she turned to a different chapter. "Hey, have you talked to..." She glanced up at him and he was leaning sideways on the bag with his head tipped back.

"Mason?"

She'd seen him use before and.. that was not a normal reaction. "Mason." She tried a little more firmly, as she set her book aside and frowned. "Quit playing around, you're scaring me..." There was a wet sounding gurgle in response and her heart lept into her throat as she jumped up to her feet. "Mason?!"

Grabbing him by the shoulders she managed to get him sitting upright for a moment, but... he was limp. He flopped forward and she had to get a grip around his ears to tilt his head back so she could see his face.

His lips were turning blue. Pupils tiny black dots. His skin felt cold and clammy, like frog skin.

Panic arose as it became all the more obvious that something was very, very wrong. "Hey! H-hey wake up! Talk to me! Mason! C'mon, say something!"

She shook him, but he didn't stir. That same gurgling sound escaped and she dragged him forward and onto his side. He vomited immediately and the spittle started foaming out of his mouth.

"Oh @#$% Oh @#$&"

She needed to get help, immediately. Neither of them had phones. 911 wasn't an option.

Clad in fleece PJ bottoms and a tank top the teen raced out of the bus barefoot. It was about a mile through the forest to the closest house. She sprinted the whole time, ignoring her burning lungs and the various cuts and scratches being slices into her skin by foliage as she burst through the undergrowth.

Mason needed help and She couldn't afford to waste a second.

- - -

By the time paramedics made it through the forest and to the old broken down bus they had turned into a home away from home, Mason was dead.

An overdose, more than likely from mixed product that he had unknowingly bought. Hazard of the life he had been living.

Juniper stood a ways away, where one of the officers had left her wrapped in a blanket someone had given her from a car. She watched them tape off the area as an investigation started. She was there to give a statement and was waiting for her parents to come pick her up.

She watched as two men with a stretcher went inside, and watched still as they came back out with Mason's form obscured inside a zipped up black bag. She followed along with her eyes as he was placed into the back of a waiting van. A regular ambulance hadn't been able to make the journey out, and it had taken a few hours for the response team to even make it to their hidden shelter.

She stood there, only half-listening to the conversations going on around her, struggling to feel anything other than empty. Maybe it was shock. She didn't know...

All she knew was that Mason was dead. He'd died alone and probably scared out of his mind because she took too long to get him help. She @#$&ed it up and he died because of her.

Mason's funeral had come and gone without any fuss... like a bad dream she could only faintly remember... And yet, there was the distinct lack of a whole person in her life now. A handful of puzzle pieces stolen again. She felt like less than half of what she had been before.

Her parents had come to the decision that she needed space. She'd tried, poorly, to go down there and talk about what she was feeling... but her mother had just told her that death happens and that she needed to meditate on it and move on. Her dad had stayed silent, content with letting her mother handle it while he sat at the kitchen table and tinkered with a radio.

Her room offered no comfort. Her walls were plain, her shelves mostly empty. She could sit and look out the window, but every time she spotted a bird, or inevitably when the stars came back out she was reminded again of that gaping hole in her chest where her heart used to be. How... how did you just get over a person you love? How was she supposed to just come to terms with him being gone?

That boy had been the only thing anchoring her to the @#$ing world. The only little beam of light keeping the darkness at bay.

... Now he was gone and with him everything that still made her feel human.

She wasn't sure when she'd made the decision, or how she'd come to the conclusion that it was the only way out... but here she was.

In the wee hours of the morning, she snuck from her room, out her window, and into the quiet forest behind her house. In nothing but a t-shirt and PJ pants, with a pocket knife in one hand, she led herself down an old worn trail. The occasional scree of a predator on the hunt or the various little chirps and cricks of nightcrawlers serenaded her as she went.

She wasn't sure how far to go, or where she wanted to be. Maybe somewhere with a patch of sky visible? Yeah... that sounded nice. She and Mason always loved being able to lay around and look up at the sky.... that big expanse of stuff she didn't understand. Supposedly there were gods up there, right? Up there with the satellite pretending to be the sun and moon. She wasn't sure if that was comforting, or concerns.

She hadn't bothered with a note, and she didn't own a phone... so no texts either. It... didn't matter, anyway. She could already hear her mom scoffing at her.... her dad's deafening silence.

A little clearing bathed in moonbeams became her sanctuary. Moss and dogwood flowers would embrace her closer than her parents ever had, and the stars above would be witness to her final moments. For a 15-year-old it was as sweet a death as she could imagine in her small world. Akin to Romeo and Juliet, which she had never read but Grace had waxed on and on about for being so terribly romantic.

It didn't take long to hype herself up enough to get the deed done. There were tears and she bit down on a stick to try and keep herself composed, and then... she just needed to wait.

She laid herself down and cried. Wept as much as she wanted where no one could see. Raccoons and deer wouldn't judge her. Crickets wouldn't tell her she was just being a dramatic, moody teenager. The night sky gave her a tapestry to look at while she ignored the pain.

... Hours later she laid there still, tired and cold, confused and more upset than she had been before she started. Wasn't it supposed to be quick? Maybe she'd done it wrong? Her arm had gone numb from the elbow down, but she wasn't sure what that meant. She hadn't been able to fall asleep because it was mid-fall and the cold ground was enough to keep her awake. Kinda ruined the image she had in her head of dozing off and never waking up again.

As the sun started to creep up over the tops of the trees and birdsong filled the air, she realized she had failed. Somehow she'd messed up and lived, and now she was just an idiot laying in the weeds waiting for the time to come when she'd have to drag herself home and try to fix whatever damage she'd done. Maybe hypothermia would take her out before that?

... No, probably not. It was already warming up. @#$%.

That hollow feeling in her chest was the only thing that seemed to have changed at all, having grown thicker with the knowledge that she had survived and that she probably wouldn't have the balls to try again.

Juniper stumbled back into her house around 7 in the morning, just as her parents were getting up to start their day. Her mother immediately noticed the blood and went into full attack mode, wanting to know what happened and why. She found no sympathy from either fo them.

"I can't believe you could be this stupid"

"I hope you're proud of yourself! How could you do this to us?"

"Look at this mess, ugh, Juniper Whilhemina Brown... Why do you have to be difficult!"

She stayed silent, gritting her teeth to keep the feelings inside as her mother mercilessly scrubbed at her wound in the kitchen sink. It was bandaged after that, but not before a mix of honey and turmeric was slathered on to keep any infections at bay. She went back up to her lonely room to wallow in self-pity.

Two days of new bandages, one mild infection, and a decent fever that left her bedridden for a day and a half later, and she was finally back on her feet.

... just in time for the news that Bambi had died. She attended the funeral with a freshly wrapped wrist, and not one of her friends asked her about it. Listening to Bambi's mom wail as they lowered the young girl's casket into the ground made her wonder if her parents would have reacted the same had she succeeded, and if maybe Bambi would be alive in her place, standing where she was, watching her be put to rest instead.

In the following weeks after Mason's death, her life warped further.

His mother didn't want her to be a part of the funeral, and even though it hurt to be excluded, Juniper couldn't muster up the energy to argue. She had already taken the responsibility of his death onto herself, so when his mother also pinned the blame on her it only helped to justify her own feelings on the matter.

Liam, Benjamin, and Grace had all been allowed to come since they had known him longer than Juniper had. The next time she met up with everyone in their little gang Grace rounded on her.

"It's your fault he's gone!"

Apparently she hadn't been over him as much as Juniper had thought. "... I'm sorry..." She muttered weakly. She didn't have words to defend herself. She didn't want to defend herself. "I'm sorry... I-"

"I'm sorry won't bring him back!" Grace was at least a foot taller than her and decently muscular for a girl her age. She was super into sports at the school she went to. "We never should have @#$%ing brought you in. Mason would still be alive if you never got involved with us!"

The taller girl got in a punch before Liam was able to hook his arms around her and pull her back. Broke Juniper's nose clean across where cartilage met bone. Juniper stumbled back and fell on her ass in blinding pain, watching through watering eyes as Grace and Liam stormed off.

It was the last time she'd see either of them before she left the state.

Benjamin eventually wandered away from the group to pursue work opportunities more determinedly. He was the oldest of the lot of them and at some point the age gap became enough that he just didn't feel like he fit in anymore. The remaining members of their gang that she still hung out with threw him a little going away party at a local park before he bid them farewell for the last time.

Bambi and her still hung out every now and then, but not as much as they had before. Things had become strained in Mia's household to the point where she had withdrawn from her circle of friends.

She heard from her mother one day that Mia had been found unresponsive in her bathtub by her mother. She'd taken her own life after a particularly bad fight the night before. She attended Bambi's funeral with Kermit, both teens solum as the youngest member of their dwindling troupe was laid to rest beside the grave of her father.

She tried to keep in contact with Kermit after that, but since none of them had felt right about going back to the Bus after Mason passed, she had a hard time pinning him down. A few days after Bambi was buried she got a call from Benjamin on her home phone. He let her know that Kermit, Harper, had OD'd on something a few days ago. She didn't make it to his funeral since she hadn't known his family very well.

Her group of friends dwindled down to one, and soon it was just her and Ganja. He was about her age, but pretty torn up about everything that had happened. Losing three friends in a year had taken a toll on him mentally and physically. The last time she spoke with him he'd told her that he was voluntarily being committed to a facility to get clean. He didn't want to end up like Harper or Mason. He didn't know how long he would be in the program, but it was held down in California. They exchanged numbers, but... she didn't expect to hear from him really. Of everyone, they hadn't been very close.

Just like that in the span of seven months she went from having everything, to having no one. Her friends were gone, and her relationship with her parents was more strained than it had ever been.

She spent a few weeks at home holed up in her room, only leaving to go out for food. Eventually, she decided to sweep the dust off of the idea her and Mason had crafted.

She would run away all on her own. Strikeout and make a new life for herself. Maybe, if she were brave enough to believe, Mason was somewhere watching her and waiting to see what she would do and become.

Maybe she could work to not let him down in that regard as well.

Juniper had been on the road by herself for about a week and was overall feeling pretty fine about it. She'd left while her parents had been out, so there was no awkward goodbye.. or a fight like she had been expecting. It also meant that had had been able to take a little bit more out of the stash of money that they had hidden away. Enough for a few full tanks of gas and some food, but not enough for either of them to notice right away... hopefully.

One of the first things she had done was get herself a phone, seeing as the GPS and a way to contact someone in case of an emergency were vital. Seeing as she was already on a streak of theft at that point, she'd used her newly developed power help herself to a tester model from a cell phone store, and used a bit of her cash to buy herself a "replacement charging cord" for the phone she now had.

She also not had a reliable way to search the internet, which she used for planing out her trip in the parking lots of coffee places and fast food joints. She wasn't intending on staying in her home state, because there wasn't much for her there any way aside from bad memories. Still, she knew she would end up needing more money before she officially left. That brought up problems. She had never had a job. Couldn't even sell lemonade because she lived out in the middle of nowhere, an hour from the nearest town.

The teen parked herself in a rest stop for the day since there was no real timeline and pondered on what to do. She could consider a short term job, or maybe just offer mechanical work to people along the road for some cash.

Or... she could rob people? That would probably be pretty easy with her power... She'd probably feel terrible after though. Something about taking something from someone while they were right there was too... stressful.

As the sun started to set and the few truckers who had parked their rigs for the night settled down, she settled herself into her car as well. She knew rest stops weren't the safest place, especially for someone like her who shouldn't have been driving around at her age, anyway. Didn't have much of a choice, though.

She was halfway through a drive-thru cheeseburger when she noticed a very scraggly, furry creature slinking along the side of the building where the women's restroom was. Squinting, she could tell that it was matted and dirty. Primarily black, with dingy white spots sporadically over the rest of its body. Looked like it was limping, too.

Taking her burger with her, she hurried out of her car and approached slowly. She had quite a bit of experience with animals of all sorts from years of running wild in the woods around her house. Her backyard had been a graveyard by the time she stopped trying to bring young and wounded animals home.

Up a little closer, she could see that it looked like a house cat. Smoosh faced breed at that, which... didn't rightly belong out in the wind. She couldn't see any obvious blood on the back limb it was limping with, but when it turned around at the sound of her approach she saw that it was very much missing an eye. An old, healed wound from the looks of it.

"Hey there kitty kitty..." She knelt where she stood and ripped off a chunk of beef from her patty to throw at it. The cat didn't react other than flicking its whiskers at her for a moment while its ears swiveled around. "C'mon... it's tasty, I swear." Making little Kssk kssk sounds at it, she ripped off another chunk and tried to throw it a bit closer.

That seemed to catch the feline's attention, and once it got a whiff of the meat it zoomed in to wolf it down. Juniper watched, quiet and patient, and readied another piece of meat to throw.

Eventually, she got the critter to come close enough to take bites of beef from her hand, and she was able to see just how bad off it was. It was a long-haired cat, adult if her guess was correct. It was also really, really skinny upon her first feel of it. Not as matted as she had assumed, which was good. Hmm. Boy or girl?

She probably looked like a loon leaning down trying to catch a glimpse of nether kitty nether region.

"Mr. Kitty, huh?" She sat back up and gave him a bit more meat, resting on her haunches as she pondered what to do. He was clearly ill or starving, and being alone all the way out here meant he had either wandered really far from home, or someone had dumped the poor old guy there.

She spotted a very worn little metal tag hidden in the tangled fluff on his chest and reached out to gently grab him while offering him the rest of the burger in her other hand. "C'mon, little guy. Let's get out of the cold."

When she was safely back in her car with the doors locked and her new feline friend settled in her lap, she was able to get a look at the little tag he was wearing.

"Butters? What kinda name is butters?" Nose wrinkled, she scratched the cat under his dirty chin and settled into a comfortable silence. She'd never been allowed to have pets back at home. Too much time and effort, and wasted resources in her dad's eyes. He was the kind that didn't really get the whole pet thing. Her mom had been a very staunch, if distant member of PETA, and didn't believe in pets in a different light. She was also against Juniper bringing animals home to try and nurse them back to health because it 'went against nature' as she loved to tout.

"@#$% that, though." The old cat in her lap had settled down, probably enjoying the first warm lap he had felt in a long time. His purr sounded like someone had filled a cardboard box with dried beans and shook it vigorously. It was adorable in a sad kinda way.

"What should I do with you Mr. Kitty, huh?" He didn't answer. She didn't expect him too. "It's just me here and I don't know how to take care of you." She continued petting; he kept purring.

"Maybe I'll drop you off in the next town at a vets office..." She reclined her seat and settled herself in for a long, cold night. "... What if you're too old and gross though. Don't they put older animals down or something? Mom was always ranting about it."

Choices... What would Mason have done?

"Road trip with a kitty? Sounds pretty fun to me. Kitty co-pilot."

...Yeah, that sounded about right. He'd always wanted a cat that he could train to wander around with him and sit on his shoulders.

"Well, if we're gonna travel together for now, I gotta pick another name for you."

She pondered over it for a bit, scrolling through some of the notes she had taken in her phone for future plans. One of the latest ideas involved trying to get the money out of ATM machines. It felt like more of a victimless crime, rather than trying to take it off of people directly. Banks had like, insurance in place for that kinda thing... right?

"heh... if I go with that, maybe we could end up being like... Bonny and Clyde, right?" She offered the scrawny cat a french fry and snorted as he started chowing down on it. "Clyde sounds a lot cooler than butters, doesn't it?"

Yeah. Clyde it was.

They packed up the next morning with a plan in mind and headed for the next town. The first stop was for food and much-needed kitty supplies. Juniper got a real kick out of offering him a bowl heaped full of cat chow and watching him dive into it with much more gusto then a cat his size should have had. She had been pleased to find that he hadn't actually been wounded. The limping had been from a bit of wire that had gotten wrapped around his foot. It had probably been uncomfortable, but not actual damage.

She found out after brushing the knots out of his fur that his missing eye had been surgically removed at some point. She could see the telltale signs of old healed stitches on his skin. She was also surprised to find out that he had been de-clawed at some point. Couldn't even hunt for food if he wanted to. It made his story all the more tragic.

After feeding him and getting him set up in her car with some water, she set out on foot to do some snooping around town and figure out a place to get a shower, possibly. She'd seen a tip online about how you could sometimes sneak into gyms to get a shower if you got a cheap membership. She wasn't even sure if she needed that much.

By dark, she had a plan in mind for what she needed to get done in the next couple of hours, and if she were honest with herself it was nerve-wracking. She'd never done something so intentionally illegal before, and... even if it was out of desperation, it was still scary as @#$%.

The night ended on a successful note. She scored about 600$ from an atm in a closed up store and had been able to sneak into a GYM after hours to give both her and Clyde a much-needed bath. Once they were both settled into her car in a 24 hours store parking lot on the edge of town she celebrated their success with a steaming cup of instant noodles for her, and whole can of wet food for the best partner in crime she could ever ask for.

"We're off to a great start, Clyde." She muttered around a mouth full of noodles. "If it's always gonna be this easy to get money for ourselves, then we're on easy street! Where should we go next? Virginia?... Kentucky?" He didn't reply, but she fiddled with the map on her phone a bit more.

"Indiana." She set her half-empty cup to the side in a cup holder and reclined her seat back a little. Her belly was full and warm, she had a friend along for the adventure, and even if she was a bit scared here and there, this was ten thousand times better than what she had been dealing with back at home.

"It's just you and me, Clyde. Off to live our best lives and make something of ourselves."

She peered up at the small, distant stars in the sky through her window.

"...Are you watching, Mason? I'm gonna be somebody someday, just you wait.."

Clyde climbed into her lap and she wrapped her big coat around the two of them, settling in for a much-deserved rest after a very busy day.

Indiana was, well, as expected, really. Not much changed in the scenery from what she was used to, but the people seemed nicer right off the bat from just about everyone in her home town. Ohio had a lot of problems, many of which she was painfully familiar with on a personal level, so it was refreshing being somewhere without that same dour mood always hanging around.

They had driven through a bit of Indiana already, stopping for gas a few times and food, as well as to update her map where there was wifi. By the time she and her furry co-pilot had made it to Bloomington, they had already robbed three ATMs of much-needed cash. She had about a grand to her name after gas and supplies, which was more money than she had ever been in charge of... like, ever. The urge to blow it all on stupid stuff was overwhelming. All of the things she had never been allowed to have, like a laptop, or a guitar. Frivolous material objects. Instead, she kept it hidden away in a compartment in her car.

Turns out that was a good idea since her poor old car broke down days after landing in Bloomington. It would take a few days to get the parts she needed in from a local shop, which meant she was stranded for a bit. Clyde helped her not panic herself into an early grave, and she set out on foot to check out what the city had to offer. It was certainly different from what she was used to. Old historical buildings all around, but none of them were dilapidated to the point where they should have been torn down already.

It was hard not to notice the explosion of cream and crimson colors all over the city. They'd landed in a college town, apparently. A very proud one at that.

After wandering for a bit and securing food for herself and Clyde, she headed back to her car to plot her next move.

A day into her forced tourism, she ran into a group of kids from the local college. They seemed pretty cool from the get-go, though it was neat that she was on a road trip (though she neglected to mention she was by herself). She ended up being invited to some sort of dorm party, which she was a little unsure about at first, but eventually warmed up to the idea. Clyde would be fine for a few hours by himself and maybe she'd be able to find herself a new group of friends? Deep down she knew she wouldn't be able to drive around forever... she'd need to settle somewhere at least for a while. She just needed to wait until she was legally allowed to rent a place to do it.

With an address and a phone number secured in her phone, she hoofed it back to her car to change into something clean and respectable. Which, at 15, meant her least worn pair of jeans and a t-shirt with her coat over it. Huh... did she need the coat? It was pretty warm out.

...

The thought of people staring at her arms ultimately forced her back into her coat and she decided she could live with being a little too warm for the night.

"Be good, Clyde. No trying to break into the kitty food box again..." The teen closed her car door and locked it, slipping her keys into her pocket with her phone.

She made it to the dorm in great time and spent too long standing around outside trying to both talk herself into going the rest of the way, as well as trying to talk herself out of it. In the end a kid her age walked past and spotted her, assumed she was there for the party same as him, and helpfully brought her along the rest of the way in.

She was not used to the...uh... festivities that normally went on at dorm parties with other people her age.

"Jennifer!" One of the boys from before saw her and waved, before coming over to give her a hug. It was awkward. Both because she didn't know him and because her name was definitely not 'Jennifer'.

"Uh, hi. It's actually-"

"C'mon! Let me introduce you to everyone!"

He snagged her hand and physically dragged her further into the room, through throngs of other kids crowded around, toward a group of people she also remembered from before. She told herself that she was going to allow it because it would be rude to phase herself out of his grip, and not because there were some definite parallels going on right then that reminded her heavily of when she had first met Mason and the other kids... Yeah, definitely just because she didn't want to be rude! Totally!

"It's Jennifer! Glad you made it!"

The boy, Brian, proceeded to drag her around by the arm for over an hour so she could literally greet everyone. By the end everyone knew her as Jennifer, someone had passed her not one, but TWO, beers, and she realized that Brian was already really, really drunk. Most people were. She was probably the only sober person still in the room.

... It was a weird realization since she was used to being the first to get blackout drunk at a lot of the parties she and her friend had thrown over the years.

Hours passed and she socialized minimally. She understood less than half of what everyone was talking about. Degrees, tests, girls or boys they had or hadn't hooked up with. She realized slowly that she really didn't want to be at the party anymore, especially since a few of the dudes were giving her some serious creeper vibes by trying to constantly hand her new drinks. Thankfully for once damn near-crippling anxiety and a healthy dose of paranoid worked in her favor. She none too sneakily dumped out every drink handed to her and just sorta stood around like a specter around the outside of the festivities.

People left in a few groups as the night went on. Some passed out on the floor or in the bedrooms. She thwarted one attempt by those same creeps from before at trying to take advantage of some other girl. It was an eventful night, but.. not in a fun way. She felt more like some sort of outsider than she ever had in her life.

By the time she had convinced herself it was finally OK to leave, everyone was asleep except for Brian and a two of his buddies. They were all super drunk. Probably wouldn't remember it in the morning drunk. She felt slightly bad for them, just imagining the kinds of hangover they were about to be introduced to.

"YEnniferrrr!"

All three of them giggled at some joke she didn't get and she waved awkwardly as they came over. "Wooah, you must- urp- have a LIVER OF STEEL." Brian gushed, and then promptly projectile vomited on her. Her sweatshirt, pants, and shoes were ruined. She froze as horror set in and Brian wobbled on his feet and passed out. His two buddies were dying of laughter. They dropped to their knees beside him to try and slap him back awake.

Was this how Carrie from that one movie felt? Like... she was covered in puke and just kinda wanted to set fire to the whole place now. Same, right?

Peeling off the ruined clothes with help from her power, she dropped them in a pile and looked around for something else to wear. It was about then that she realized she was in a room full of passed out college students, some of who didn't even go to this particular school. A rainbow of different colored sweatshirts were at her disposal, and she was just about angry enough to actually consider-

"OhmyGOD, I've never seen such a flat chest! It's like... in the NEGATIVES!"

... yep, she was going to steal every single article of clothing she could find. @#$% em.

By the time she left she had a trash bag full of clothing slung over one shoulder. New pants and a new sweatshirt from one of the girls. Enough clothes to last her a while without needing to spend any extra money.

The party may have been a flop and a definite mistake, but she'd at least gotten out of it with some much-needed supplies.

The part for her car arrived early the next day and after picking it up and paying for it, it took only a few hours for her to install it herself.

Clyde and her were back on the road before any disgruntled college kids could try to hunt her down and onto their next destination.

In all of the years that she could remember, Juniper was sure she had never worn a dress before. Or a skirt, for that matter. Her mother had been so staunchly opposed to anything strictly female being in the house. She'd never been allowed to have long hair, regardless of if she wanted to or not, never been allowed anything overtly effeminate for decoration or clothing. Her mother was so radically feminist in her beliefs and Juniper so young she just didn't know any better.

Now, years later, she was off on her own. Out of the house and with the freedom to do as she pleased, when she pleased.... but... breaking so many of those rules, that had been ingrained in her so deeply from an early age was hard. Her hair was a little longer now, past her ears at least. She ate whatever she wanted and went wherever she wanted. It helped that with her new, blossoming power she had lost a bit of the fear of anything physically hurting her.

Of all the things she hadn't been able to break yet, the belief that public water sources were contaminated with poisons always lingered in the back of her mind, and the idea that if she dressed in a feminine way some distant fat cat patriarchal figure won somehow was never far off.

She and Clyde had pulled off the highways about an hour ago and found a little motel to stay in Litchfield Illinois. It was a dump, really... the moment she flipped the light switch on about a dozen small things darted in various directions for cover. The bed looked like it had been broken in the middle for a long time, and the mystery stains on the sheets had her setting up camp across the room in a corner. She had a sleeping bag now, as well as a few other camping supplies that she used pretty regularly. A pot to boil water for drinking, a few plastic plates and utensils, and a water bottle. She tried to drink as much as she could when she was settled in a place for a bit because drinking on the road was impossible when you couldn't sanitize your water on the go.

This particular place wasn't far off from a 24hour superstore, which led her to head on over for food and other supplies. When she came back with armfuls of various things, including a ridiculous number of things for her spoiled cat, she couldn't help but stare nervously at the one thing she wasn't really sure about.

A dress.

Pink, with purple and blue flowers scattered around on the skirt. It had puffy sleeves, and she'd technically found it in the pre-teen stuff... but it looked like it would fit her at least. She was 15 and able to make her own choices. She could wear a dress if she wanted to... right? All 15-year-old girls wanted a pretty dress at some point... right??

Once Clyde had been fed and had claimed the whole bed for himself, she tucked away the perishable groceries, grabbed that dress, and then headed to the bathroom.

It didn't take long to peel off one of her stolen hoodies and pants, and then sip on the slightly stretchy dress over her head. She pinched and pulled at the fabric until it was smooth against her skin, and then with slight hesitance raised her gaze to look at herself in the large bathroom mirror.

A thin, pale girl stared back at her. Dark circles under her eyes and little red patches here and there from blemishes. Her hair was a medium kinda brown, with little streaks that were a bit more red or blonde. All her time outside had tried to naturally bleach it. Her eyes were brown and looked dark in the dim light. She didn't look happy. She was reminded why she didn't like mirrors a whole lot.

Pink was definitely not her color. It didn't go with all the brown very well. It was so bright and cheerful and she looked like a pale stone and forest floor. Her arms were so thin and the puffiness of the sleeves just made them look even thinner. She backed up a bit to see herself fully, pressing her back against the door. Legs that were just as scrawny poked out the bottom, ending in dirty socks.

Juniper picked apart the image in a way that made her forget it was her she was looking at. She conjured an image in her mind of the kinda girl who the dress would look good on; Blonde hair because pink always went with blond. Blue or green eyes, because they went much better with blond than brown did. Healthy looking limbs and enough bust to fill out the top... yeah, that would look good in the dress, wouldn't it?

Her gaze zeroed in on the bandages still wrapped around one wrist and she was reminded that this was herself she was looking at. This body she wasn't so fond of, where she could still see and feel the ghostly bruises from less than a year ago. She thought about all of the comments she had ever heard about her body in her life, the hands that had touched her...

Her skin crawled and the dress came off. She tossed it in the trashcan and left the bathroom. Back in her sweatshirt and pants, she huddled into her sleeping bag.

Yeah, dresses weren't for everyone anyway. Who cared if she didn't wear one? They were for girly girls and church women. Grannies and little girls. She wasn't any of those things.

She... wasn't sure what she was, anymore.

Clyde crept off the bed to join her, so she buried her face in his fur and turned her thoughts off. Sleep was good. Sleep would help and in the morning it would be a fresh, new day.