"-and he asked you if you liked how toes looked? Odd indeed. I advice you visit him again, though. Paying you money just to look at your meaty leg enders? It's quite a deal." The giant cockroach nodded confidently. "After all, it is important you learn to be enterprising at such a young age. You mentioned he would pay more for pictures of others? I know, as your new guardian, I shall buy you a disposable camera! What do you think? We can spend some time at the mall place, and get you some mint!"

His chest hands wrung themselves greedily as he walked down the street, the child at his side. "Of course, I expect a return investment... We shall split the profit evenly; how does that sound?"

Ohh, he liked that plan! He had no idea why people said raising a child was difficult; he'd already instilled a strong business ethic in his would be child, and they'd only met twice now! To think, when he'd brought up possibly raising some offspring, Megan had scoffed, and even said it was more likely he'd eat them!

It was true, but oh, how the words stung!

Even so, here he was being an amazing dad, and they weren't even very far from the mall! "Did he have a preference when it came to which kind of feet? I suppose you could take a picture of mine real quick... We'll have to find a camera first! Off to the mall!"

He skipped off ahead merrily, stopping to press the walk symbol for the other cross walk, and then skip off into traffic.

"Fifty-fifty?" Pausing, Elke rubbed her chin for a moment in thought. "No deal." She crossed her arms, and the twin on her left mimicked her perfectly. "Yeah, no deal!" The one on the right was busy mining for boogers until an elbow to the ribs brought her back to reality. "Oh, um... pie!"

With an eyeroll, Elke waved her hand around in front of her flippantly. "... Seventy-five, twenty five. Imma be the one doing all the leg work, after all, and have you seen some of the feet traipsing around this place?" Bunions, bunions everywhere!

With an over dramatic shudder, she darted out into the street after the giant bug man. She didn't want to be left behind, after all!

A taxi slammed on it's breaks, it's driver leaning out his window to shake a fist and scream at them as they moved past. Elke responded with a few choice words of her own, and a few good hand gestures, before they'd reached the other side.

"The guy ain't got no preference that I know of. Just likes feet of any kind, I guess. Got tons of pictures up all over his walls, he does." She nodded to herself, hands stuffed deep into the pockets of her worn in overalls as she strutted along behind Roach with her clones in tow. It was really great in retrospect that she'd bumped into him at the mall that one time... not only had he saved her the trouble of having to give an old woman a heart attack in order to escape, but he'd turned out to be a pretty cool dude.

..Still kinda creeped her out sometimes, considering she'd had a dream about him, but whatever. People had wacky dreams like that all the time, right? She'd probably just eaten something that didn't agree with her the day before the dream. S'good an answer as any, really.

"... Seventy-five, twenty five. Imma be the one doing all the leg work, after all, and have you seen some of the feet traipsing around this place?"

Ah, She was a tough negotiator, but he was the more experienced haggler; more than that, he was smarter than she was. That was why he'd chosen to spend time with her; He saw in her someone easily manipulated with a few sharp words here and there.

"My dear, do you know what it means to invest in something? It means, in many ways, you are gambling. Your investment could find no return based on certain unexpected variables... You see, what I am doing is investing in you. While I don't believe you will fail me, I am still taking a risk." He smacked some flowers out of the hands of a man walking by, waving to him as he was cursed at.

"Because of this risk, I feel fifty fifty is more than fair. Besides, who ever said I wouldn't be lending you a helping hand? Why, we could get several pictures today, whilst I run some errands!"

Errands indeed; he had a collection to make from a nearby barber shop... Maybe they could stop by the nail salon next door; it wasn't their time to pay quite yet, but reminders never hurt.

"First, though, we have to get you a camera... How will you take pictures without one?"

Squinting, Elke considered what the giant bug had said. She guessed it made sense... in a way. It didn't help that he'd used all those big words and junk, though. Glancing at her clones, who where busy slapping at each other over some little trifle, she sighed.

"Alright, split it evenly, or whatever."

She kicked a bottle out of her way as she marched behind him, still pondering over 'investments'. She invested in stuff all the time! Like... like when she invested in eating things out of the cupboard that she knew had been there for a few months, but did it anyway. Or when she invested on trading shoes in stores, because clearly even though hers had sentimental value, toes falling out the bottom was a bad thing. That was investing, right?n Yes, totally.

Hmph, she could be smart and @#$% too.

"There's this place at the mall where people get foot massages. We could probably snag some pretty good pictures in there."

"Alright, split it evenly, or whatever."

"Agreed, and finalized. Might I say, what a horrible business decision; I would have gladly settled for 35%. I see now why your people lost their land. Such a shame, that; may you see it all returned in your time."

He dances around her, and paused as she made a solid suggestion.

"There's this place at the mall where people get foot massages. We could probably snag some pretty good pictures in there."

"Oh! What a good suggestion! Mayhaps you will be the one to beat back the white man and take back the wilds! Do tell me if you need a hand!"

He shuddered his shell roughly to get some roaches to crawl out onto his shoulders. "Frederikson; do get this mob to seek out feet for us. Bare feet; Report back their locations at once!"

A bigger roach seemingly nodded, and hopped off after chittering to some others to coax them to follow. "Shall we head to the bull's eye first? They should have a camera there!" He pointed across the street at the everything store attached to the mall, and instantly started crossing.

What... had he just said?

The fourteen year old took instant offended, but the big bug mutant didn't give her any time to retaliate. Instead he was yammering on about what a good suggestion she had made, and then went and complimented her.

Or... at least she thought it was a compliment.

"Of course it's a good suggestion. I wasn't born yesterday, ya know!" One of the clones spotted a moment to jump in and show she was also smart, and so she did. "Yeah! We was born today!"

The Native groaned, and contemplated pushing the twin out into traffic. Fortunately, Roach skittering across the road proved enough of a distraction to save the girls short life.

"Let's get four cameras. That way each of us will have one, and we can get more pictures." See! Super smert.

"My... You really are quite bright aren't you? You're also going to clean out my poor wallet." He reached into his shell and pulled out a gutted trout, opening it up and pulling some smelly bills from it. "I suppose this will cover it."

He made a break for the door suddenly. "ITS A RACE!" The giant bug grabbed an old lady's cane from her and tossed it at a clone's leg, cackling loudly as he went.

"BWAAAAHAW HAW!" He slid into the door of the Bullseye and ran about with his hand in the air screaming. "GOOOAAAAAAALLLLLL." The giant bug stopped in front of a shocked looking associate, and addressed her politely. "Young madam, do tell me where the cameras are."

She pointed awkwardly, and he turned toward the door to see if the girl had caught up.

She was standing behind him, actually, with a grin on her face that easily stretched from ear to ear. A pile of disposable cameras in her arms, as well as a few she'd stuffed into her backpack and a couple handfuls of candy.

Don't worry, she traded then for the sandwich she had been saving for lunch.

The clones stumbled in shortly after, one rubbing a new bruise from where the cane (which she had picked up and claimed) had hit her. The other twin had tripped over the curb while trying to catch up, and now sported a bloody nose.

Elke ignored them, stepped up to the counter to deposit all of the cameras, then carefully picked out four of the best ones. The others she didn't care about, nor need. 

"Ah... I see you've been busy. Good! Less work for me. I hope you know I'm not buying all of- Oh, you do. Good. Servant man, the remaining cameras should be returned to their original position. Do so!"

The cashier gave him a funny look as an associate grumbled, grabbing the pile of cameras and walking off into the store. Roach paid the man, and turned as the man started retrieving the change, skipping on out merrily, passing out cameras as he went.

"Do you wish to get the pictures of my feet first? I'm in the mood for modeling, if I do say so myself. Which I do. SNAP ME!" He stopped in place, spun, and kicked a clone in the face just a little, holding his foot out for a good snap shot.

"Be sure to get my good side!"

Ignoring the fact that she'd just made some poor associates day a little harder, she snatched her camera the moment it was handed to her and took a peek through the eye-hole.

One of her clones immediately blinded herself by snapping a picture of her own face, which was then suddenly and unexpectedly involved with one of Roaches roachie feet. Elke hurried to freeze the moment forever on film, delighted by the smooshed, uncomfortable look on her twins face.

After taking a few glamour shots like that, she pushed the clone out of the way via palm-to-face, and captured Roaches foot from a few more angles before moving on. She didn't need to use up all her film on one set of feet, no matter how spectacular. She ignored the other clone, who took a picture of her own bellybutton, and headed off down the street toward the salon she had in mind.

"Great! Now when taking pictures of people without their permission, it's very important you find the thing they are most self conscious about, and point it out to them. It primes them for the perfect emotional screenshot of their lives. It makes everything more exciting, see?!"

He turned on a large woman walking toward the burger place and screamed. "MOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

He then aimed his camera at her flip flops, and snapped off a shot, skittering off mooing loudly. She started crying. Yay!


"Child, stick with me, and I'll show you how to glide though life without having to do any of the boring things! You'll live like a king... Or... queen. I'm still not sure if you're a boy or girl yet- YOUR EARS ARE BIG!" He yelled at a stranger as he passed, and her ears weren't even that big! TAKE THAT self esteem!

He tried to snap a picture of her feet, but she smacked him with her purse and ran off.

Elke was learning lots. Lots n' lots. Only problem, was that she was having a hard time replicating it. She was good at pointing out people's more obvious flaws. All kids were good at that. She wasn't good at being intimidating, or terrifying, though. When she turned and pointed at a man, explaining "YOU HAVE A TURKEY NECK" all he did was laugh at her and none-too-subtly zip his coat up to hide his triple chin.

Likewise, when they actually got to the nail salon, the woman at the front desk told her that she wasn't allowed inside with her camera. She also didn't seem fazed by the fact that there were two more of Elke off to her left, and a giant humanoid cockroach to her right.

Elke didn't think pointing out the fact that the woman was a giant, beardless lumberjack of a lady would help her case, so she fell back on something that had always worked for her in the past.

"Ma'am, I'm doing an article for the school paper's beauty section about great places in the city to get your nails did. I guess I could go somewhere else... but when all of the parents who read the school paper see some other salon's name in there, they'll probably be seeing a boost in customers. Did you know there are three dances coming up? Like, half my school rushes out to get mani's and pedi's before dances, so they can mash faces with all the cute boys."

They made it to the nail salon, but to their great inconvenience, there was a stocky bodyguard outfront.

Oh wait, he was a regular employee, and also a female. Disgusting.

Either way, she denied them entry.

"Ma'am, I'm doing an article for the school paper's beauty section about great places in the city to get your nails did. I guess I could go somewhere else... but when all of the parents who read the school paper see some other salon's name in there, they'll probably be seeing a boost in customers. Did you know there are three dances coming up? Like, half my school rushes out to get mani's and pedi's before dances, so they can mash faces with all the cute boys."

The mammoth of a woman clearly thought it over for a second, but Roach felt the compulsion to speak up, so he did.

"You look like a dying walrus, sans the big fangs. Unattractive people look at you and reconsider thoughts of suicide, given that they obviously could be worse off. That was maybe a bit too far, I don't feel the need to apologize to someone so hide-oh, what are you doing with that pair of scissors?"

The next thing they knew they were standing outside of the nail parlor, and his hat was tattered and useless.

"Well.. You mentioned there was a foot massage place as well? Perhaps we should try that instead? Maybe the people there won't be so sensitive."

"... I thought lumberjacks were supposed to be jolly, or something?" Man, she never wanted to be on the wrong side of a pair of scissors. Considering what that lady had done to Roach's hat.

Whatever, though. There were plenty of foot places in the mall. "Yeah, It's over that way." She pointed, but didn't start walking immediately. Instead, she turned to a clone and started to climb onto it without any warning. The twin protested weakly, but couldn't stop her from sitting herself comfortably on it's shoudlers. "Mush!"

Her mule-twin started forward jerkily, while the other rushed from side to side to make sure Elke didn't topple over on the way.

"You should do the talking this time, yo."

Roach nodded solemnly as Elke suggested he do the talking next time. "Indeed, my boy. Such things are best left to professionals." Without another word he grabbed the clone that had been trying to steady the first one, and started climbing it as well. He ended up sitting on it's prone form as it struggled.

". . . Mush."

Well, that didn't work.

Now the child/thing was crying. He sighed, and stood, picking it up and placing it on his shoulders. "We must approach this cleverly; perhaps we can find a map, and plan a rout so that our day is not wasted. After all, I am quite the busy bug~"

He wandered over to the nearest information wall-thing.

"Yes... These brightly colored squares correspond to the names on this list. I see." He reached a hand forward, and applied pressure to the glass, causing it to break into many pieces. From there, he grabbed the map, and pulled it out. "This will do!"

He turned with the map over blocking his vision, and started walking toward the orange square that was the foot massage area. Before long he bumped into a security guard, who was staring. "Uh... Sir... Is that a map from one of the information receptacles?

"Yes, it's been quite useful."

"You... You aren't supposed to take those."

"I don't care."

"Oh..."